书摘 | Tuesdays with Morrie《相约星期二》

美国社会学教授莫里·施瓦茨身患绝症，他16年前的学生、作家兼记者米奇·阿尔博姆前去探望。教授决定给他的学生上最后一门课，内容涉及家庭、婚姻、情感、金钱、衰老、死亡等社会问题。 每周二，学生都飞越七百英里来到教授的病床前。老师去世后，学生把听课笔记整理成书——《相约星期二》。这本书在全美各大图书畅销排行榜上停留四年之久，被译成包括中文在内的三十一种文字，成为近年来图书出版业的奇迹。 米奇·阿尔博姆（Mitch Albom），生于1959年，美国著名专栏作家，电台主持，电视评论员，此外还是活跃的慈善活动家。1979年毕业于马萨诸塞州沃尔瑟姆市布兰代斯大学。迄今已出版九部畅销著作，包括《相约星期二》（Tuesdays With Morrie）、《你在天堂里遇见的五个人》（The Five People You Meet In Heaven）、《一日重生》（For One More Day）、《来一点信仰》（Have a Little Faith）等。 书摘中所择取的是第十个星期二谈论婚姻的部分内容。 He sighed. Morrie had counseled so many unhappy lovers in his years as a professor. “It’s sad, because a loved one is so important. You realize that, especially when you’re in a time like I am, when you’re not doing so well. Friends are great, but friends are not going to be here on a night when you’re coughing and can’t sleep and someone has to sit up all night with you, comfort you, try to be helpful.” Charlotte and Morrie, who met as students, had been married forty-four years. I watched them together now, when she would remind him of his medication, or come in and stroke his neck, or talk about one of their sons. They worked as a team, often needing no more than a silent glance to understand what the other was thinking. Charlotte was a private person, different from Morrie, but I knew how much he respected her, because sometimes when we spoke, he would say, “Charlotte might be uncomfortable with me revealing that,” and he would end the conversation. It was the only time Morrie held anything back. “I’ve learned this much about marriage,” he said now. “You get tested. You find out who you are, who the other person is, and how you accommodate or don’t.” Is there some kind of rule to know if a marriage is going to work? Morrie smiled. “Things are not that simple, Mitch.” I know. “Still,” he said, “there are a few rules I know to be true about love and marriage: If you don’t respect the other person, you’re gonna have a lot of trouble. If you don’t know how to compromise, you’re gonna have a lot of trouble. If you can’t talk openly about what goes on between you, you’re gonna have a lot of trouble. And if you don’t have a common set of values in life, you’re gonna have a lot of trouble. Your values must be alike. “And the biggest one of those values, Mitch?” Yes? “Your belief in the importance of your marriage.” He sniffed, then closed his eyes for a moment. “Personally,” he sighed, his eyes still closed, “I think marriage is a very important thing to do, and you’re missing a hell of a lot if you don’t try it.” He ended the subject by quoting the poem he believed in like a prayer: “Love each other or perish.” 他叹了口气。莫里当教授的那会儿曾接受过许多不幸恋人的咨询。“这很令人悲哀，因为一个爱人对你的生活是非常重要的。你会意识到这一点，尤其当你 处于我的境地时。朋友对你也很重要，但当你咳得无法入睡，得有人整夜坐着陪伴你、安慰你、帮助你时，朋友就无能为力了。” 在学校里相识的夏洛特和莫里结婚已有四十四年了。我在观察他们在一起的生活：她提醒他吃药，进来按摩一下他的颈部，或和他谈论他们的儿子。他们像一个队里的队员，彼此只需一个眼神就能心领神会。夏洛特和莫里不同，她性格比较内向，但我知道莫里非常尊重她。我们谈话时他常常说，“夏洛特要是知道我在谈论这 事会不高兴的，”于是便结束了这个话题。这是莫里唯一克制自己情感世界的时候。 “我对婚姻有这样一个体会，”他对我说。”你通过婚姻可以得到检验。你认识了自己，也认识了对方，知道了你们彼此是否合得来。” 有没有一条标准可以用来衡量婚姻的成功与否？ 莫里笑了。“事情没有那么简单的，米奇。” 我知道。 “不过，”他说，“爱情和婚姻还是有章可循的：如果你不尊重对方，你们的关系就会有麻烦；如果你不懂怎样妥协，你们的关系就会有麻烦；如果你们彼此不能开诚布公地交流，你们的关系就会有麻烦；如果你们没有共同的价值观，你们同样会有麻烦。你们必须有相同的价值观。 “而这一价值观里最重要的，米奇。” 是什么？ “你们对婚姻的重要性的信念。” 他擤了一下鼻子，然后闭上了眼睛。 “我个人认为，”他叹了口气说，“婚姻是一件很重要的事情，如果你没去尝试，你就会失去很多很多。” 他用一句诗来结束了这个话题：“相爱或者死亡。”他十分虔诚地相信这句箴言。