blink现场专辑的歌词

这张专辑是我最喜欢的 尤其是里面的好玩对话 现在拿出来与大家分享一下 DUMPWEED It's understood, I said it many ways To scared to run I'm to scared to stay I said I'd leave, but I could never leave her And if I did, you know I'd never cheat her But this I ask, it's what I want to know How would you feel, if I should choose to go Another guy, you think it'd be unlikely Another guy, you think he'd want to fight me She's a dove, She's a fucken nightmare Unpredictable, it was my mistake to stay here On the go and it's way too late to play I need a girl that I can train I heard it once, I'm sure I heard it twice My dad used to give me all of his advice He would say you got to turn your back and run now Come on son, you haven't got a chance now She's a dove, She's a fucken nightmare Unpredictable, it was my mistake to stay here On the go and it's way too late to play I need a girl that I can train She's a dove, She's a fucken nightmare Unpredictable, it was my mistake to stay here On the go and it's way too late to play I need a girl that I can train Need a girl that I can train Need a girl that I can train Turn your back and run now You haven't got a chance now Need a girl that I can train Need a girl that I can train Turn your back and run now You haven't got a chance now Wow I'm fucking in the mood to party Hey all right! Hey well fucking all right Hey you know what we're going to do tonight A whole lot of fucking We're all gonna get laid. This song's about herpes It's called Don't Leave Me and it goes like this DON'T LEAVE ME Don't leave me all alone Just drop me off at home I'll be fine, it's not the first Just like last night, but a little worse and She said that I'm no the one that she thinks about and She said it stopped being fun, I just bring her down I said, "don't let your future be destroyed by my past." She said, "don't let my door hit you in your ass." Fuck yeah! Just give me one more chance, I'll try this time I'll give you yours, I won't take mine I'll listen up, pretend to care Go on ahead, I'll meet you there and She said that I'm no the one that she thinks about and She said it stopped being fun, I just bring her down I said, "don't let your future be destroyed by my past." She said, "don't let my door hit your ass." Bass Solo! Let's try this one more time with feeling one more time with feeling (x3) She said that I'm no the one that she thinks about and She said it stopped being fun, I just bring her down I said, "don't let your future be destroyed by my past." She said, "don't let my door hit your ass." Don't leave me all alone Just drop me off at home And I'll be fine You will be fine you fucking ass hole, aghhhh! (Belch) exuse me. Thank You Hey Mark, we have a very special person here that wants to say hi Guys this is Satan. Hello kids if you guys will take off your pants then maybe I'll be a little more happy I want to have fun with you but I will have to see your dicks, plural I have to go away now because there is another song and I've got a boner You guys mind if I get a boner kids. ALIENS EXIST Hey mom there's something in the backroom I hope it's not the creature from above You used to read me stories As if my dreams were boring We all know conspiracies are dumb What if people knew that these were real I'd leave my closet door open all night I know the CIA would say What you hear is all hearsay I wish someone would tell me what was right Up all night long And there's something very wrong And I know it must be late Been gone since yesterday I'm not like you guys I'm not like you I am still the skeptic yes you know me Been best friends and will be till we die I got an injection Of love from the erection My best friend thinks I'm just humping guys, Alright Up all night long And there's something very wrong And I know it must be late Been gone since yesterday I'm not like you guys I'm not like you Dark and scary, ordinary explanation, information nice to know ya, parnoia Where's my mother, biofather Up all night long And there's something very wrong And I know it must be late Been gone since yesterday I'm not like you guys Twelve majestic lies Tom has sex with guys Hey Mark, who here thinks that I look similar to Tom Cruise Thank you (yeah) I think so too L ike Tom Cruise in that movie born on the 4th of July, that one Where he's handicapped and retarded and stupid and nobody likes him And he just shit's all over himself and he's a fucking ass hole Hey that was mean That's right Never attack somebody that Shits on himself Do you guys think it's wierd to shit your pants when you're sleeping Not that I do it, but I did it last night And I haven't taken a shower since And I'm wondering if that's what smells Hey I wrote this next song want to here it You don't have a choice It goes like this FAMILY REUNION shit piss fuck cunt cocksucker motherfucker tit fart turd and twat shit piss fuck cunt cocksucker motherfucker tit fart turd and twat shit piss fuck cunt cocksucker motherfucker tit fart turd and twat shit piss fuck cunt cocksucker motherfucker tit fart turd and twat I fucked your mom Thank you, thank you so very very much Hey this next song is about falling in love What's it about I don't know. This songs about love let's give it up for love I'll tell you what I love You know what the best part of falling in love is Sex? It's the oral sex that's right, the pleasure GOING AWAY TO COLLEGE alright! Please take me by the hand It's so cold out tonight I'll put blankets on the bed But I won't turn out the light Just don't forget to think about me And I won't forget you I'll write you once a week she said once a week she said Why does it feel the same To fall in love or break it off And if young love is just a game Then I must have missed the kick off Don't depend on me to ever follow through on anything But I'd go through hell for you and I haven't been this scared in a long time And I'm so unprepared so here's your valentine Bouquet of clumsy words, a simple melody This world's and ugly place, but you're so beautiful Skye (lee?) I'll think about the times She kissed me after class And she put up with my friends I acted like an ass I'd ditch my lecture to watch the girls play soccer Is my picture still hanging in her locker? I haven't been this scared in a long time And I'm so unprepared so here's your valentine Bouquet of clumsy words, a simple melody This world's and ugly place, but you're so beautiful I haven't been this scared in a long time And I'm so unprepared so here's your valentine Bouquet of clumsy words, a simple melody This world's and ugly place, but you're so beautiful to Travis Hey Mark! Hey, if you guys are anything like me, you like to dress up in your mothers underwear trying to seduce your father What? Just me? I'm like you, I try to seduce your dad Remember, remember that one time when I walked over to your house and your brother was there with peanut butter smeared all over his penis and he was all "come here boy, come here, come here boy, come here" Who likes the skippy, who likes the Skippy peanut butter? This songs really hard to play Give it up for Tom This song's really hard to play It's really hard to play I would appreciate it if you don't listen to me for the next two and a half minutes Shut the fuck up WHAT'S MY AGE AGAIN I took her out it was Friday night I wore cologne to get the feeling right We started making out and she took off my pants But then I turned on the TV And that's about the time she walked away from me Nobody likes you when you're 23 And are still more amused by TV shows What the fuck is energy? My friends say I should act my age What's my age again? What's my age again? Then later on, on the drive home I called her mom from a pay phone I said I was the cops And your husband's in jail This state looks down on sodomy And that's about the time that bitch hung up on me Nobody likes you when your 23 And are still more amused by prank phone calls What the fuck is call ID? My friends say I should act my age What's my age again? Where's my asian friend? It's the soft pretty part! And that's about the time she walked away from me Nobody likes you when your 23 And you still act like you're in Freshman year What the fuck is wrong with me? My friends say I should act my age What's my age again? And that's about the time she broke up with me No one should take themselves so seriously With many years ahead to fall in line Why would you wish that on me? I never want to act my age What's my age again? Where's my asian friend. What's my age again? There's my asian friend Fuck yea! Hey Mark I'm starting to get sweaty And contrary to what most people think I think I look better wet I have been campaining this for about two years now So throughout the show you will see me get sexier and sexier As it gets hotter and hotter you know And if you watch close enough watch Tom getting fatter and fatter as the show goes on too Why would I be getting fatter? Cause' Boobies! Oh geeze stop it no But you are to young You're way to young gosh! Let me tell you why you're going to get fatter and fatter Because dog seamen is full of calories Yea don't eat dog seamen, we hear it's the number one cause of bad breath Hey this song is about when I had too much alcoholic beverages Got kicked out of high school Wrote a song about it and it goes like this Here it goes like this Here here it goes RICH LIPS (DICK LIPS) Please, mom You ground me all the time I know that I was right All along And I'm hoping Remember I'm a kid I know not what I did Just having fun You couldn't wait for something new And yesterday I thought of you Left me to think as if I couldn't walk away It's too late, I fell through Nothing to lose A boy who went out when he finished all his chores Nothing to do They can't trust me because I blew it once before Shit, dad Please don't kick my ass I know I've seen you trashed At least one time Can I blame it On one of my dumb friends It's been awhile Since I have used that line You couldn't wait for something new And yesterday I thought of you Left me to think as if I couldn't walk away It's too late, I fell through Nothing to lose A boy who went out he finished all his chores Nothing to do They can't trust me because I blew it once before Alright Nothing to lose A boy who went out when he finished all his chores Nothing to do They can't trust me because I blew it once before Hey uh Mark What what the fuck do you want Tom I'm sick of... Hey Mark hey hey Mark hey Mark hey look at this Hey hey look how I can make it bigger if I rub it look at this hey mark come her No seriously Mark hey hey Mark I wasn't really masturbating I've never done that I was inspecting my testicles for wierd bumps That's what you say that's what you say If your parents ever catch you I wasn't masturbating I was just cleaning it and it went off You guys want to hear a song I wrote about four days ago Cause' you really don't have a choice you might as well be into it Yea you might as well act like you want to hear it cause' otherwise we'll play it twice Yea you bastards song goes like this BLEW JOB (BLOW JOB) It would be nice to have a blow job It would be nice to have a blow job It would be nice to have a blow job It would be nice to have a blow job It would be nice to have a blow job It would be nice to have a blow job It would be nice to have a blow job It would be nice to have a blow job from your mom UNTITLED I think of awhile ago We might have had it all I was so stupid then You needed time to grow But now just as things change As well my feelings do In time things rearrange I am so sick of chasing you But what do I get 'cause I just seem to lose You make me regret those times I spent with you And playing those games as I wait for your call And now I give up, so goodbye and so long It's not a change of pace This time I'll get it right It's not a change of taste I was the one there last night You have your other friends They were there when you cried Didn't mean to hurt you then Best friends just won't leave your side But what do I get 'cause I just seem to lose You make me regret those times I spent with you And playing those games as I wait for your call And now I give up, so goodbye and so long It's not a change of pace This time I'll get it right It's not a change of taste I was the one there last night When I needed you most When I needed a friend You let me down now Like I let you down then So sorry, it's over Oh that songs done we're done with that song now you guys can rest Satan has something to say Are you guys having a good time tonight I'm having a hum-didilee-doo of a good time tonight I like poetry and flowers and pictures of unicorns and a thousand naked children for grrrr! What? Wait! What are some of the things that Satan loves Satin loves unicorns, pictures and poetry and long walks on the beach Hey pay attention you fuck!!! boobies! VOYEUR And when the day ends I'm sure she feels sorrow The lonely guy I am, I like to watch her change I've been here two days, I'll sure be here tomorrow I'd eat her out if she were on my dinner plate (And I wish) I wish she'd be more kind now I'm out of luck 'cause the shades are pulled down I've seen everything there is to be shown I followed her all the way home I can't be too cool in a tree with my pants down The air is cold and I've got splinters in my feet She caught me once, but I don't think that she cares now Unlike before, her view is now blocked by a leaf (And I wish) I wish she'd be more kind now I'm out of luck 'cause the shades are pulled down I've seen everything there is to be shown I followed her all the way home I bet this last time's the one time too many The rush of waiting is burning in my head Right after supper her brother shower's twice a week He kicks my ass so much, that fucking white inbred I've made mistakes by looking in the wrong window Her dad is big and I've never seen his face I've been here two days, and I'll sure be here tomorrow My lady's so sweet, she likes to entertain (And I wish) I wish she'd be more kind now I'm out of luck 'cause the shades are pulled down I've seen everything there is to be shown I followed her all the way home I bet this last time's the one time too many The rush of waiting is burning in my head Right after supper her brother shower's twice a week He kicks my ass so much, that filthy white inbred Hang on hang on Hey uh The song is not quite over yet but The song is not done We have to prepare for the bass guitar solo How you doing I need oxygen to the stage please Oxygen and oral sex to the stage please And maybe some of those male chromosomes to the stage Here's where I do the big bass solo people Give it up for me Shhh here it comes here it comes 1, 2, 3, 4! I want all you kids to know that I'm going to think of every single one of you tonight when I'm all alone inside my bunk Starting with you haha, I'm starting with you! Hey this song is for anyone that knew us before Enema of the State PATHETIC I know I'm pathetic, I knew when she said it A loser, a bum's what she called me when I drove her home There's no more waiting and sure no more wasting I've done all I can but she still wants to be left alone You got, you got, you got to help me out And I'll try not to argue No one, no one, no one likes a drop-out Mistakes are hard to undo Don't pull me down, this is where I belong I think I'm different, but I'm the same and I'm wrong Don't pull me down, this is where I belong I think I'm different, this is where I belong, belong I think it's disgusting, believing and trusting If I gave a fuck there would be nothing for me to prove Although it's amusing, it's slightly confusing I've done all I can but her ego is still hard to move You got, you got, you got to help me out And I'll try not to argue No one, no one, no one likes a drop-out Mistakes are hard to undo Don't pull me down, this is where I belong I think I'm different, but I'm the same and I'm wrong Don't pull me down, this is where I belong I think I'm different, this is where I belong, belong Don't pull me down, this is where I belong I think I'm different, this is where I belong Hey you guys having fun We're professionals you might not have noticed that But we are professionals at what we do We just professionally suck And professionally act like a bunch of ass holes on stage that's what we do We're just as God made us Hey you better wipe that shit eating grin off your face Cause' this next songs a sad one And uh more importantly than that if you're eating shit and grinning Then today probably is not your day anyway, so whatever ADAM'S SONG I never thought I'd die alone I laughed the loudest who'd have known? I trace the cord back to the wall No wonder it was never plugged in at all I took my time, I hurried up The choice was mine I didn't think enough I'm too depressed to go on But you'll be sorry when I'm gone I never conquered, rarely came 16 just held such better days Days when I still felt alive We couldn't wait to get outside The world was wide, too late to try The tour was over we'd survived I couldn't wait till I got home To pass the time in my room alone I never thought I'd die alone Another six months I'll be unknown Give all my things to all my friends You'll never step foot in my room again You'll close it off, board it up Remember the time that I spilled the cup Of apple juice in the hall Please tell mom this is not her fault I never conquered, rarely came 16 just held such better days Days when I still felt alive We couldn't wait to get outside The world was wide, too late to try The tour was over we'd survived I couldn't wait till I got home To pass the time in my room alone I never conquered, rarely came Tomorrow holds such better days Days when I can still feel alive When I can't wait to get outside The world is wide, the time goes by The tour is over, I've survived And I can't wait till I get home To pass the time in my room alone Thanks a lot I want you all to say with fuck with me 1, 2, 3, fuck with me Fuck with me! Why? Well not really you don't say the with me part just the fuck part Ok let's try that one more time He just wants you to say fuck but he wants you to say it with him Ok go ahead try again Tom So do I count to three and then say it how do we do this It goes 1, 2, 3, fuck Ok 1, 2, 3, fuck Alright, that's better. Pretty good Here we go song's called Peggy Sue and it goes like this PEGGY SUE I know what it's like to be alone sitting in your room Listening to all those doubts that your parents have to say to you And as your head gets all cluttered inside Try to stay awake Everything they say are lies That's all the shit that you ever have to take So hold in all your aggressions Because your grinding your teeth on down to The bottom of your chin It's not easy or so damn pleasing To not laugh at everything they say that They tell you what to be you're not alone I know what it's like to be denied at everything you do It's not the same reason why that Makes you change the things that you once knew As your head gets all cluttered inside Give more than you take Everything they say are lies That's all the shit that you ever have to take So hold in all your aggressions Because your grinding your teeth on down to The bottom of your chin It's not easy or so damn pleasing To not laugh at everything they say that They tell you what to be you're not alone You say you want to take off your shoes and Walk barefoot down the street Just to be the things that you can be Just live for one more week (Go!) You say you want to take off your shoes just to Walk barefoot down the street Just to be the things that you can be Just live for one more week So hold in all your aggressions Because your grinding your teeth on down to The bottom of your chin It's not easy or so damn pleasing To not laugh at every word they say that They tell you what to be you're not alone I choose to blame my parents for giving me a small bent wiener and an ugly face Hey do you guys... do you know what I noticed Mark? Yes I do What do you... You know what I noticed? Yes I noticed that throughout the many years of me playing with my own wiener It bent to the wrong side I think I pulled it too far to the something... the right Do you guys care? There is something seriously wrong with my dick and I need your sympathy WENDY CLEAR Let's take the boat out on the bay forget your job for just one day I wish it didn't have to be so bad It might be inappropriate because Either way our band get dropped oh yea I wish it didn't have to be so bad But I'd play with fire to break the ice And I'd play with a nuclear device Is it something I'll regret? Why do I want what I can't get? I wish it didn't have to be so bad The three-date theory is getting old everyone is getting left out in the cold I wish it didn't have to be so bad So I'll see you with another guy Who pretends not to hear you when you cry I wish it didn't have to be so bad But I'd play with fire to break the ice And I'd play with a nuclear device Is it something I'll regret? Why do I want what I can't get? I wish it didn't have to be so bad I'll be moving on moving on moving on and on and on I'll be moving on moving on moving on and on and on But I'd play with fire to break the ice And I'd play with a nuclear device Is it something I'll regret? Why do I want what I can't get? I wish it didn't have to be so bad I wish it didn't have to be so bad I wish it didn't have to be so bad I wish it didn't have to be so bad (I wish it didn't have to be so bad) You guys want to hear from Satan again Well hello kids are you enjoying the show so far Chances are you're all going to get laid tonight I want to sleep with every single person here Starting with the retards sorry kids I'm not very funny anymore I'm how aa shu ba de Hey I just made... Hey wait what if we did something like this Hey Satin Yes Tom Hey I was just wondering if I was going to get laid tonight Well no you're not Tom Why not Because your dick is small, dark, and ugly Alright Am I funny or what Hey uh I want to tell you how it's going to work for the rest of the show here We're going to say that this is our last song and we're going to play and then we're going to walk off stage But we're not even done yet we're going to come back and play two more songs even after that So uh that's how it works you know how it works you go and you see the band play they walk off stage They're all thanks a lot good night And you know those mother fuckers are going to come back and play two more songs anyway so But you know what at least we're straight about it They call it an encore yea it's an encore encore say it with us kids encore CAROUSEL I talk to you every now and then I never felt so alone again I stop to think at a wishing well My thoughts send me on a carousel Here I am standing on my own Not a motion from the telephone I know not a reason why Solitudes a reason to die Just you wait and see As school life is a It is a woken dream Aren't you feeling alone? I guess its just another I guess its just another I had this with your mother Night alone Now as I walk down the street I need a job just to sleep in sheets Buying food every once in a while But not enough to purchase a smile A tank of gas is a treasure to me I know now that nothing is free I talk to you every now and then I never felt so alone again Just you wait and see As school life is a It is a woken dream Aren't you feeling alone? I guess its just another I guess its just another When you're gonna stick a night alone Thanks a lot you guys Hey kids thanks a lot for coming all down to the show tonight Hope you all had a great time I know I did Those blink fellows sure put on a kick ass show huh Hope to see you all at the after show party I'm going to start sucking dicks and squeezing titties Maybe I can put my pee pee in your mouth I love it when the kids come on over and I get to have them suck and kiss my pee pee tenderly and gently I like it when the kids sit on my lap and talk about unicorns and flowers and things like that Maybe I'll even fuck their mom See you kids later Hey how you guys doing up in the back Now for the top balcony can I get a amen Now for the floor can I get a hallelujah Now from all these other ass holes can I get an oh yea ALL THE SMALL THINGS All the small things True care truth brings I'll take one lift Your ride best trip Always I know You'll be at my show Watching, waiting, commiserating Say it ain't so, I will not go turn the lights off, carry me home Na na na... Late night come home Work sucks I know She left me roses by the stairs surprises let me know she cares Say it ain't so, I will not go turn the lights off, carry me home Na na na... Say it ain't so, I will not go turn the lights off, carry me home Keep your head still, I'll be your thrill the night will go on, my little windmill Say it ain't so, I will not go turn the lights off, carry me home Keep your head still, I'll be your thrill the night will go on, the night will go on, my little windmill Hi we're back just like I said we'd be back You can leave now and beat the traffic Or beat your meat Or you can stick around and beat your meat I like that I think I'm going to say that every night from now on You can leave and beat the traffic or you can stick around and beat your meat I have a few words to say about beating your meat Just I just heard you guys talking about masturbation I thought I'd show up and I don't know I know I'm not wanted here so I'm going to take off see you guys later As my present to you people we're going to stop talking now and play a song Surprise MUTT He pauses shaving and he tells himself that he is the bomb She has her curlers set her credit cards are paying the funds He's not that old, I've been told a strong sexual goal He goes out everyday she goes every way oh yeah And they don't even care at all She's open waiting for more And I know he's only looking to score And it is way to unhealthy Often they've typically Been starved for attention before She smokes a dozen and he doesn't seem to notice the smell He took the seat off his own bike because the way it felt He wants to bone this I know she is ready to blow They go out every night his pants are super tight oh yeah And they don't even care at all She's open waiting for more And I know he's only looking to score And it is way too unhealthy Often they've typically Been starved for attention before She's open waiting for more And I know he's only looking to score And it is way too unhealthy Often they've typically Been starved for attention before Take off your pants We really love each other we're the best of friends Fuck Mark, Travis you guys mean a lot to me man You know what I mean He needs some ointment hey I think every single pharmaceutical drug should be in ointment form And it can only go on your balls, you know Like if you have a cold you have to rub ointment on your balls THE COUNTRY SONG Uh oh Uh oh Oh shit I'm going to start dancing Take off your pants dad Your penis if the biggest thing my butt's ever had Cause' I know it feels so good Shut your fucking face uncle fucker (I see you guys are ready for our last song) DAMMIT Take your pants off It's alright to tell me what you think about me I won't try to argue or hold it against you I know that you're leaving you must have your reasons The season is calling and your pictures are falling down are falling down The steps that I retrace the sad look on your face The timing and structure did you hear that he fucked her? A day late a buck short I'm writing the report On losing and failing when I move I'm flailing now It will happen once again I'll turn to a friend Someone that understands Sees through the master plan But everybody's gone I've been here for too long To face this on my own Well I guess this is growing up Well I guess this is growing up And maybe I'll see you at a movie sneak preview You'll show up and walk by on the arm of that guy And I'll smile and you'll wave we'll pretend that it's okay The charade it won't last when he's gone I won't come back It'll happen once again You'll turn to a friend Someone that understands And sees through the master plan But everybody's gone And you've been there for too long To face this on your own Well, I guess this is growing up Well, I guess this is growing up Well, I guess this is growing up Well, I guess this is growing up Well, I guess this is growing up Well, I guess this is growing up Alright thanks a lot you guys we'll see you next time mother fuckers Tom has no dick no dick at all people Thanks a lot and good night MAN OVERBOARD So sorry it's over, So sorry it's over There’s so much more that I wanted and (So sorry it's over) There’s so much more that I needed and (So Sorry it’s over) Time keeps moving on and on and on Soon we’ll all be gone Let's take some time to talk this over You’re out of line and rarely sober We can't depend on your excuses Cause in the end it's fucking useless You can only lean on me for so long Bring the ship about to watch a friend drown Sit out on the ledge, begged you to come down You can only lean on me for so long I remember shots without a chaser Absent minded thoughts now you’re a stranger Cover up the scars put on your gameface Left you in the bar to try and save face You can only lean on me for so long Bring the ship about to watch a friend drown Sit out on the ledge, begged you to come down You can only lean on me for so long So sorry it's over, so sorry it's over There’s so much more that I wanted and (So sorry it's over) There’s so much more that I needed and (So sorry it’s over) Time keeps moving on and on and on soon we’ll all be gone Man on a mission can’t say I miss him around Insider information, hand in your resignation Loss of a good friend best of intentions I found Tight lipped procrastination Yeah later, see you around WORDS OF WISDOM Tom: I'm going to come back and I'm going to start a therapeutic massage center only for for... Mark: I'm going to start my own nudist colony Tom: That would be gross, you tried that in our bus one time Mark: I tried to start our own nudist colony in our bus and it was pretty much just me hanging out naked, they love you Tom Tom: They love me so fuck everybody else Mark: Yea fuck all you guys out there that are cheering, yea we hate you Tom you suck dick burn in hell Tom: Yea fuck that, hey I say I say fuck the hating Tom thing that's what I say, are we ready Mark Mark: You know what it is you know what it is a lot of these people are just now hopping on the we hate Tom bandwagon, like I've been hating tom since like 1995 I'm old school hating Tom guy alright Tom: Oh shit, hey let's all say some dirty words, everybody say fuck, everybody say shit, everyone say dick, everyone say Mark's an ass hole Mark: Everyone say, everyone say we hate Mark, yea Tom: Hey now let's do this one, everyone say fuck fuck shit fuck, that's the kind of words you should be using at home kids Mark: That's right Tom: What do we do now Mark: I want everyone to call me an ass hole again Tom: What's up I like your hair it's very nice Mark: You like his hair oh cool thanks he probably appreciates that a lot Tom: I wanted to say I liked your butt but I thought that was to forward you know Mark: Hey this next song is for all the ladies in the hezouse, hea he it's for all the ladies in the heoueoueouze Tom: Mark! Mark: What Tom: Shut the fuck up Mark: It's for all the ladies in the houaeiouze, weee. Hey you know what hang on I want to make this like a Tom: (belch) excuse me Mark: Excuse Tom Tom: Sorry Mark: I want to make this like a big golf tournament everyone shut up everybody just clap like it's a golf tournament Tom: That's what it sounds like when I get done having sex, 15,000 people cheering me on, I could take all of you in my bed right fucking now, but you're not invited Mark. You have got giant boobs and I doubt you're 18, do you have a note from your mom, I want to meet your mom... Mark: Hey put those 13 year old boobs away, if I wanted to see 13 year old boobs I'd hang out by the Junior high like my dad like my dad does Tom: Hey you know what I learned in fifth grade Mark: What's that your dad has a bent wiener Tom: My dad's wiener was bigger than mine then and still is Mark: I want everyone here to scream, fuck you Tom we fucking hate you you're going to burn in hell and die a horrible fire death cause' we hate you stupid pieces of shit Tom: I heard that Mark: Thanks Tom: You want to give me your shirt, this smells like blood and feces, dinner time ok what does this say here Mark: It smells like blood and feces, so it's your dad's shirt Tom: Hey uh just like every other band we believe in a safe form of sex don't we Mark, that we do so Mark's going to tell you about how safe we are Mark: Let me tell you about the safest form of sex, it's when you get super drunk and you have sex with like ten people totally unprotected and you do intravenous drugs at the same time, no it's not true Tom: It's not true you have to carry a weapon. How many of you guys have girlfriends and how many of your girlfriends have guy friends, I hope you're not having sex Mark: And more importantly how many of your girlfriends have girlfriends Tom: Cause' we believe in the love that exists between two vaginas Mark: The most special kind of love of all is the love that exists between two naked women while I watch Tom: We need her to put her shirt back on Mark: Please Tom: It just took away my boner, my boner just died, I had one and now it's gone Mark: Please I saw your boobs and my wiener ran away. Hey hey hang on everyone everyone seriously I need your attention for just a second please, I think somebody lost a contact down here so everyone look around a contact lens hey someone lost a contact lens so uh... Tom: I lost my virginity Mark: Keep an I out for it Tom: I lost a testicle, hey what if testicles were things you could lose on a everyday basis that would suck, you've only got three, hey I've got to go pee pee Mark: Do you want to go pee and I'll talk to the kids for a second Tom: Do you think you can talk for enough time Mark: No uh uh Tom: Why don't you gather your thoughts Mark: Why don't you just wet your pants and we'll call it even Tom: Should I just piss in my pants right here, if you guys all pitch in a dollar each I'll piss my pants right here now, that should pay me about two-hundred bucks maybe Mark: I'll give you three-hundred dollars to piss your pants right now Tom: I'll give you four-hundred bucks to eat my shit Mark: Sold Tom: Sold, apparently there's a kid that's hurt right now and I think they're helping them out right now, it looks like they're right there Mark: Make a hole people make a hole Tom: All you people over there make way for the hurt kid and bring me their wallet Mark: I wish now you know let me tell you guys something... Tom: I'm gay! Mark: There's thousands and thousands of people here today there's like semis and fucking buses and multiple bands and all kinds of shit, I wish now I would have taken bass lessons, sorry sorry Tom: So do I, I wish you did too Mark: I'm thinking for Christmas this year I'm going to ask for lessons Tom: I know a guy, he has sex with his sister, he used his dick to pop her four foot blister, and I know it's not that cool, he fucked her in my swimming pool, he's got three testicles, and he loves to do shit, fuck yea. Hey how come every time we say a joke it has to be about fucking sex masturbation incest, or anything gross like that you know Mark: Is there anything else in the world Tom: There's nothing else to talk about Mark: Hey can you help that little girl out of there she's not having so much fun right now, hey Tom: Uh excuse me, security guard sir Mark: The one right in front of you, yea Tom: Yea that girl right there needs to come out, if you're a small person the front is not the best view, and if you hate seeing shitty bands any of this is not a good view, this whole everything every seat here. Mark's middle name is Rebecca, they thought he was a... Mark: That's right, my middle names Rebecca because my dad wanted a girl, he treats me like one Tom: I still have to go pee and I'm holding it in still, I'll piss my pants though for money, I'll eat a nugget of my own poop for twenty bucks, I'll pay you twenty bucks and I'll eat it Mark: You shave your ass Tom: You have hair on nothing but your balls, Mark has no hair on his whole body but a fucking wolverine growing in his pants, I swear to God, it's got teeth and shit Mark: It's true Tom: He's got a scary looking penis Mark: It's true I need your tax deductible donations for the shave Mark's balls program, please Tom: It's for charity kids Mark: Please send what you can, donate your time Tom: You guys think that we're touring for our own, no this is a charity tour for Mark's balls Mark: We're trying to raise enough money to shave my nuts, please give generously Tom: There's no metal strong enough to be the teeth on any kind of electric shaver, what do we do now, oh I need a new guitar Mark: We need a new guitar, we need a new guitarist, any one out there play guitar Tom: Does anybody know how to play guitar cause' I'm not very good, people don't really respect me Mark: If I were a girl, every time I went to the gynecologist, I'd fake an orgasm Tom: Bad kids Mark: Bad Christmas spirit Tom: Bad Christmas spirit Mark: Hey ok I need light now Tom: We're going to point out every single person that didn't sing Mark: Santa Claus is going to come to your house and shit under all your trees Tom: Santa Claus is going to come rape your dogs, Oh God you know what I'm kind of ashamed of being myself today, and yesterday and the day before that, not really proud of who I am or how I look. Any one have one of those days where you don't even really like what you're wearing, you know, you don't like how your hair looks, and kind of bummed about how your penis is so small and bent and weird. That is the ugliest butt I have ever seen. Let's hear it for not wiping! And this guy fuck wiping dude, brings down the rain forest. Ok this is a song I wrote... Mark: That guy has a science fair project up his ass Tom: Uh what head's up seven up, everyone close your eyes and if I come by and if I come by and put my finger in you but than you're the one. I think that Satan has a couple of comments: Well kids it's been a really fun show, and I want you all to know that we'll come back soon, but before I go I want to say I think Tom is extremely good looking and all the girls out there should think he's good looking. Tom has one of the best butts that I've ever seen, shimmy shimmy coco puff shimmy shimmy right shimmy shimmy coco puff. Does anybody here want to sleep with me. I'm really a nice guy, it's really not Satan... It's me it's not Satan let's all be happy he's not here say fuck Satan Alright I'm out of jokes and out of songs, I think we're done.