从性侵害的受害者变成幸存者 （from victim to survivor）

非常无奈的是我发现搜索各种相关资料 中文的信息少之又少 但是如果用英文就会发现各种信息和互助小组 我觉得这个非常让人担忧 所以我觉得自己应该做点什么：翻译一点资料给同样需要的人看 http://www.dancinginthedarkness.com/articles.php?show=8 感到羞耻？NO! 只有侵犯你的人才应该感到羞耻，而不是受害人。 这件事情的发生你一点错也没有，因为你不能控制对方的行为，所以你不应该有任何的羞耻感。 Shame is what the rapist, not the victim, should feel. You are not to blame for the crime committed against you because you could not control the actions of another person and therefore you should NOT feel ashamed. http://womenshealth.about.com/cs/azhealthtopics/a/rapehealsurvive_2.htm 如果你身边的人不幸变成了受害者 你可以做什么？ 1，帮助ta发泄情绪：通过倾听来感受ta的恐惧和其他感受，帮助ta改变周围环境让ta觉得自己是安全的。受害者通常会觉得自己无法做决定，要鼓励他们，帮助他们理解他们要面临的选择，但是最终还是要让他们自己做决定。 Rape victims experience a broad range of powerful emotions--a friend or family member can help by allowing her to express these feelings. You can help by listening and validating her fears and feelings; by helping her make changes to her environment that make her feel safer. Rape victims often feel unsure of themselves and their ability to make decisions. Encourage her if she finds it difficult to make decisions by helping her to understand her choices, but let the decisions be her own. 2，不断提醒ta这个不是ta的错，在ta需要法律和药物帮助的时候支持ta鼓励ta，让ta知道你相信ta，并且相信ta有能力和足够的坚强和勇气来治愈这个伤害。 Remind her that the rape was not her fault. Advocate for her when she needs your help facing the medical and legal systems. Let her know that you believe in her, and that you know that she has the strength and courage to heal and survive. http://www.hopeforhealing.org/not.html Things Not to Say to a Survivor of a Sexual Crime 请千万不要对受害者说！ Please don't... 1. Ask if we liked it. No one likes being physically overpowered. 1 问我们是否喜欢 没人会喜欢被强迫。 2. Tell us "it's just sex". Rape is a crime of power, control, and extreme violence where sex is used as a weapon against someone weaker. It is not sex. 2, 告诉我们：这只是一次性行为而已 强暴是一种用强力来控制你的极端暴力的犯罪行为，强暴者用性作为武器来对付一个弱者。这不是所谓的“性行为”。 3. Tell us how we could have avoided it. Believe me, if we could have prevented it we would have. 3，告诉我们这一切都能避免。 相信我，如果我们可以我们会用尽一切来避免发生。 4. Make fun of us. We have faced an attacker who sometimes is willing to kill and have survived. What's there to make fun of? 4，开玩笑 我们遇到了侵犯我们的人，有时候甚至还会冒着被杀害的危险，然后我们幸存下来了，这个是用来开玩笑的吗？ 6. There's no need to avoid us. We're still the same person you've come to care about or learned to care about. We've just been unspeakably hurt. We're not contagious. 6，没必要故意躲着我们 我们还是当初的那个你们关心关怀的人，我们只是受到了无法言语的伤痛，但是这不会传染。 7. Please don't treat us like we have the plague. Chances are we don't. Do you? 7，不要好像我们已经到了世界末日般的对待我们。 我们也可以重新开始。 10. Don't disbelieve us. According to survey respondents being disbelieved is a survivor's greatest fear. 10，不要不信任我们。 根据调查显示，一个幸存者最害怕的就是不被信任。 12. Don't tell me not to talk about it. Yes it upsets me to talk about it but that is the only way that I can sort through it. 12，不要让我们不要说 说出来的确会让受害者非常不安，但是这是唯一一条可以帮助他们渐渐走出阴影的方法。 13. Don't say, 'it happened on a date, that's common". When you say that it belittles me and my feelings about the assault. It's not common because it happened to me and I'm not a statistic. 13，不要说“这种在约会的时候发生的强暴很多很普遍” 你这样说只是在贬低我伤害我的感情，这不是一件普遍的正常的事情因为我不是一个数据。 14. Don't say "other people have it worse off than you". I'm not "other people". I'm me. 14， 不要说“别人比你更糟的都有” 我不是别人，我是我。 Some other suggestions for Partners of Survivors that may help: 一些对于受害者的配偶、恋人有帮助的建议 12. Don't feel you need to retaliate against our attacker. We know the perpetrator is capable of violence. Please don't make us worry about you being hurt. We'll feel more secure knowing you'll remain in one piece. 12 不要觉得自己一定要去报复侵害者。我们知道侵害者是个暴力的人，请不要让我们担心你收到伤害，如果你安然无恙在身边会让我们觉得更安全。 13. Don't blame us for what happened. It's not our fault. 13，不要责怪我们 这不是我们的错。 14. Don't tell us to "get over it". We would if we could and we are trying our best. Support us as we struggle to find our way again. 14，不要告诉我们“不要小题大作了就让它过去了吧” 如果可以我们也不希望这样，我们已经在尽全力了。请支持我们，帮我们一起找到一条出路。 15. Don't tell us to to put what happened out of our minds. It's not that simple. 15，不要让我们去忘了它 这个没那么简单 16. Don't tell us "it's no big deal". Rape is an enormous challenge to heal from. It haunts even our dreams. 16. 不要告诉我们“这个没什么大不了的” 被强暴是一个巨大的创伤，我们做梦都会不安。 17. Try to understand our need to feel safe. If we disagree about safety issues in the future please realize that what may sounds strange to you may help us feel safe. 17 请试着去理解我们需要感到安全。 我们会因为对某些事情感觉不安全而提出要求，请满足我们这些奇怪的要求，这些要求会让我们觉得安全。 18. Don't say something like, "Well, it's been six months (a year, 5 years etc.) and ask if we're "over it" yet. Chances are that we may not be ready to go back to life as it was. We may never be ready and may have to create a new life for ourselves as we learn to be safe again. 18.不要因为这事情已经过去了半年，一年，五年甚至更久而问我们是不是已经完全没事了。 我们非常有可能还是没有回归到正常的生活，我们可能永远都不会，我们可能需要一个全新的生活来让我们重新感到安全。 19. Don't tell us we are weak because it impacts our life. We are stronger than words can describe. 19 不要告诉我们我们是弱者，因为我们让强暴这件事情影响了我们的生活。 我们比你想象的更坚强。 20. Don't ask us what you are supposed to do to get past what happened to us. We aren't sure what we're going to do. 20 不要问我们我们需要什么才能忘怀过去重新开始 我们也不知道我们该怎么走。 21. Don't ask us if we did anything on purpose that led to the rape. We didn't do anything except survive. 21. 不要问我们我们是不是做了什么才导致强暴的发生 我们唯一做的事情就是活下来 22. Don't ask us if we couldn't have done something differently during the attack. We made the best choices we could to survive. We got away without being killed didn't we? That's proof our instincts were right. Please help us learn to realize that ourselves. 22，不要问我们我们是不是可以做些不同的事情来阻止侵犯的发生 我们做的最对的选择所以我们活了下来。所以这证明了我们是对的。 23. Don't tell us that it's not rape because we knew the attacker. Numerous studies tell us that our perpetrators are more likely to be known to us than unknown. 23，不要告诉我们因为我们认识强暴者所以这不是强暴 很多的研究显示受害者被认识的人强暴比例远远高于不认识的人 24. If you give us a hug and we pull away please know that chances are we're not rejecting you, we're just uncomfortable. We may have a hard time being able to respond right now. 24，如果你拥抱了我们但是我们却推开了你，这不是说我们拒绝你的拥抱，而是因为我们感到不安全和不舒服。 我们会有一段很艰难的时间来重新开始适应亲密的行为。 25. If we do pull away from you please don't get mad. Tell us you care. Chances are you'll get that hug after all! 25 如果我们推开你了请不要生气，告诉我们你关心我们，最终你还是会得到那个拥抱的！ 26. If you're together and the survivor has a flashback try not to be mad at the survivor. We hate the darned things too! Flashbacks are always rough. It's difficult to know what to do. It's got to be difficult to watch. Any anger should go the one who caused the rape and not the survivor who has to put her life together. 26 如果你和受害者在一起的时候ta突然回想起发生的事情，请不要生气 我们也不想这样，突然出现的回忆总是让人非常难受，我们也不知道该怎么办。这也很难观察得到。你的愤怒应该朝向的是强暴的人，而不是这些在努力重新拾起生活的受害者。 27. Don't be afraid to talk to us if we're upset. Knowing you are there may be just what we need. 27，不要因为我们不安而不敢和我们沟通 知道你在身边正是我们需要的。 28. If we become suicidal please don't take that as a sign of weakness. Take that as a sign we're overwhelmed, trying to cope, and need help. 28 如果我们想自杀请不要觉得这是因为我们是弱者 那表示我们已经崩溃而无法承受了，在请求你的帮助和处理。 29. Don't pretend rape doesn't happen to people you know. It does. Thank you for reading this to learn about it. 29， 请不要假装强暴这件事情没有发生在你认识的人身上过 它的确发生了。感谢你读了这些并且在努力学习如何处理。 30. Don't get the idea rape just happens to "those" kinds of people. This crime happens to as many as 1 woman in 4. It crosses ethinc, racial, economic and social boundaries. 30，不要觉得强暴只会发生在”某些特定的人身上“ 每4个女性中有一个曾经被强暴过，它无关种族，肤色，经济或者社会地位的不同。 31. Don't be afraid of a person who was raped. I promise as a survivor, the rape will effect you but won't rub off on you. The person you love is still the same person as before. 31，不要害怕受害者 作为一个过来人，我要告诉你强暴虽然会影响受害者但是ta还是原来的ta，那个你爱的ta。 32. Don't deny your feelings after finding out a friend was raped. Call a rape crisis center's hotline and find out what support is available for you. 32，不要否认你的感受，当你发现你的朋友被强暴了。 打热线，询问你可以提供什么样的帮助来支持你的朋友。 33. Do not tell us we should take it as a compliment. Rape isnt about lust or attractiveness, its an act of power and force. 33. 不要告诉我们强暴是一种恭维 强暴不是因为我们我们生活风流或者我们更有吸引力，他只是一种暴力和强迫的行为。 34. Do not tell us "Oh yeah, I know a bunch of girls who've been raped". We realize we arent the only ones but by saying that it belittles how it hurts by making it just another number. 34 不要告诉我们”哦是哦， 我认识好几个被强暴的人“ 我们知道我们不是唯一被强暴的人，但是这么说只是在贬低伤害我们告诉我们我们只不过是一个数据而已。