我看了《The hidden Gifts of the Introverted Child》。
来自：快樂(流畅感。)
2015-08-31 14:51:24
我要看看这本书， 要快。 这本书后面列了一堆书目， 一堆呀，joe 我们有么？ 我们只有四书五经！ 什么叫皓首穷经呀joe 我是不行呀。 看这两本书， 我的目的限于： 不犯大错， 有发现更好。 Selected Reading 选择书目 Following are books that I have found valuable. I hope that some will offer you as parents insight too. At the end is an annotated list of books to read to your innie child. On Temperament 气质方面 Burruss, Jill D. and Lisa Kaenzig. “Introversion: The Often Forgotten Factor Impacting the Gifted.” Virginia Association of Gifted Newsletter, 21; 1: 1999. Ginn, Charles. Families: Using Type to Enhance Mutual Understanding. Florida: Center for Applications of Psychological Type, 1995. Greenspan, Stanley with Nancy Lewis. Building Healthy Minds. Massachusetts: Perseus, 2000. Greenspan, Stanley. The Secure Child: Helping Our Children Feel Safe and Confident in a Changing World. Massachusetts: Da Capo, 2002. Kurcinka, Mary Sheedy. Raising Your Spirited Child. New York: Harper Perennial, 1998; and Raising Your Spirited Child Workbook. New York: Quill, 1998. Murphy, Elizabeth. The Developing Child: Using Jungian Type to Understand Children. California: Davies-Black Publishing, 1992. Myers, Isabel Briggs with Peter Myers. Gifts Differing. California: Consulting Psychological Press, 1995. Neff, Lavonne. One of a Kind: Making the Most of Your Child’s Uniqueness. Florida: Center for Applications of Psychological Type, 1995. 217 Neville, Helen and Diane Johnson. Temperament Tools: Working With Your Child’s Inborn Traits. Washington: Parenting Press, 1998. Penley, Janet and Diane Stevens. The M.O.M.S. Handbook: Understanding Your Personality Type in Mothering. California: Penley, 1998. Siegel, Daniel and Mary Hartzell. Parenting From the Inside Out: How a Deeper Self- Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive. New York: Putnam, 2003. Tieger, Paul D. and Barbara Barron-Tieger. Nurture by Nature: Understand Your Child’s Personality Type—and Become a Better Parent. New York: Little, Brown & Co., 1997. On Education 教育方面 Barger, June, Robert Barger and Jamie Cano. Discovering Learning Preferences and Learning Differences in the Classroom. Ohio: Ohio Education Curriculum Materials Service, 1994. Hellyer, Regina, Carol Robinson and Phyllis Sherwood. Study Skills for Learning Power. New York: Houghton Mifflin, 2001. Lawrence, Gordon. People Types and Tiger Stripes. Florida: CAPT, 2000. Mamchur, Carolyn. A Teacher’s Guide to Cognitive Type Theory and Learning Style. Virginia: Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development, 1996. Marshall, Brian. The Secrets of Getting Better Grades. Indiana: JIST, 2002. Radencich, Marguerite and Jeanne Schumn. How to Help Your Child with Homework. Minnesota: Free Spirit Publishing, 1997. Thompson, Thomas. Most Excellent Differences. Florida: CAPT, 1996. On Social Skills 社会交往方面 Farber, Adele and Elaine Mazlish. How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk. New York: Quill, 2002. Farber, Adele and Elaine Mazlish. Siblings Without Rivalry. New York: Quill, 1998. 218 Giannetti, Charlene and Margaret Sagarese. Cliques: 8 Steps to Help Your Child Survive the Social Jungle. New York: Broadway Books, 2001. Greenspan, Stanley and Jacqueline Salmon. Playground Politics: Understanding the Emotional Life of Your School-Age Child. Pennsylvania: Perseus, 1993. Luvmour, Josette and Sambhava Luvmour. Win-Win Games for All Ages: Cooperative Activities for Building Social Skills. Canada: New Society Publishers, 2002. McNamara, Barry and Francine McNamara. Key to Dealing With Bullies. New York: Barron’s Educational Series, 1997. Montross, David, Theresa Kane and Robert Ginn. Career Coaching Your Kids. California: Davies-Black Publishing, 1977. Romin, Trevor. Bullies Are a Pain in the Brain. Minnesota: Free Spirit Publishing, 1997. Various Related Issues 各种其他问题 Bruno, Frank. Conquer Shyness: Understand Your Shyness—and Banish It Forever. New York: Macmillan, 1997. Galbraith, Judy and Pamala Espeland. You Know Your Child Is Gifted When … A Beginner’s Guide to Life on the Bright Side. Minnesota: Free Spirit Publishing, 1995. Nelson, Jane. Positive Parenting: A Warm, Practical, Step-by-Step Sourcebook for Parents and Teachers. New York: Ballantine Books, 1987. Sears, William and Lynda Thompson. The A.D.D. Book: New Understandings, New Approaches to Parenting Your Child. New York: Little, Brown & Co, 1998. Sherlock, Marie. Living Simply with Children. New York: Three Rivers Press, 2003. Neuroscience Research 神经系统科学的研究 Brebner, J. “Extraversion and the Psychological Refractory Period.” Personality and Individual Differences. 1998; 28: 543–551. 219 Broberg, Anders. “Inhibition and children’s experiences of out-of-home care.” Chapter in Social Withdrawal, Inhibition and Shyness in Childhood. New Jersey: Lawrence Earlbaum Associates, 1993. Chi, M.T. “Eliciting Self-Expressions Improves Understanding.” Cognitive Science. 1994; 18: 439–477. Curry, Daniel. “The Power of a Leader: Analysis of Introversion as a Good Trait for a Leader.” School Administrator. 2000; Vol 57: 1250–55. Dugatkin, Lee Alan. “Homebody Bees and Bullying Chimps.” Cerebrum. 2004; 5: 2: 35–50. Fuster, J.M. The Prefrontal Cortex: Anatomy, Physiology and Neuropsychology of the Frontal Lobes. (2nd ed.). New York: Raven Press, 1989. Golden, Bonnie. Self-Esteem and Psychological Type: Definitions, Interactions and Expressions. CAPT, Florida: 1994. Heerlein, A., et al. “Extraversion/Introversion and Reward and Punishment.” Individual Differences in Children and Adolescents 1998. Journal of personality and Social Psychology. 1994; 67, 319–333. Henjum, Arnold. “Introversion: A Misunderstood ‘Individual Difference’ Among Students.” Education. 2001; Vol 10l: 1: 39. Johnson, D., et al. “Cerebral Blood Flow and Personality: A Positron Emission Tomography Study.” American Journal of Psychiatry. 1999; 156: 252–257. Lester, David and Diane Berry. “Autonomic Nervous System Balance and Introversion.” Perceptual and Motor Skills. 1998; 87: 882. Lieberman, Matthew. “Introversion and Working Memory: Central Executive Differences.” Personality and Social Differences. 2000; 28: 479–486. Nussbaum, Michael. “How Introverts Versus Extroverts Approach Small-Group Argumentative Discussions.” The Elementary School Journal. 2002; v102 i3: 183–199. Rammsayer, Thomas. “Extraversion and Dopamine: Individual Differences in Response to Change in Dopamine Activity as a Biological Basis of Extraversion.” European Psychologist. 1998; 3: 37–50. 220 Scan, Sandra. “Social Introversion-Extraversion as a Heritable Response.” Child Development. 1969; 40: 823–832. Singh, Ramadhar, et al. “Attitudes and Attraction: A Test of Two Hypotheses for the Similarity/Dissimilarity/Asymmetry.” British Journal of Social Psychology. 1999; 38: 427–443. Springer, Sally and Georg Deutsch. Left Brain, Right Brain: Perspectives from Neuroscience. New York: W.H. Freeman, 1998. Stelmack, Robert. “Biological Bases of Extroversion: Psychophysiological Evidence.” Journal of Personality. 1990; 58:293–311. Swickert, Rhonda and Kirby Gilliland. “Relationship Between the Brainstem Auditory Evoked Response and Extraversion, Impulsivity and Sociability.” Journal of Research in Personality. 1998; 32: 314–330. Thompson, Roy and Arthur Perlini. “Feedback and Self-Efficacy, Arousal, and Performance of Introverts and Extraverts.” Psychological Reports. 1998; 82:707–716. Zimmer, Carl. “Looking for Personality in Animals, of All People.” The New York Times. March 1, 2005. Books for Innie Kids 给孩子看的书 Bourgeoius, Paulette. The Franklin the Turtle Series. The series for children ages 4 to 8 covers topics like speaking in front of a group, making a new friend, forgetting, fears, and other daily innie challenges. Also in Spanish. Cain, Barbara. I Don’t Know Why … I Guess I’m Shy. Washington, D.C.: Magination Press, 2000. This book is for 4- to 8-year-olds. It shows the importance of a pet for shy and/or introverted kids. The last few pages give parents pointers to guide hesitant kids. Farris, Diane. Type Tales. Florida: CAPT, 2000. Charming tales with innovative photography addressing temperament differences for kids from 5 to 10. Lowery, Lois. The Giver. New York: Random House, 2002. 221 For older kids, Jonas is a young introvert who learns a valuable lesson on differences. Meiners, Cheri J. The Learning to Get Along Series. Minnesota: Free Spirit Publishing. This series has lively illustrations for 4- to 8-year-old children of all races. The books include tips for parents at the back. They cover great topics for young introverted children such as how to join a group, show caring behaviors, try something new, and deal with feelings. Michelle, Lonnie. How Kids Make Friends … Secrets for Making Lots of Friends, No Matter How Shy You Are. Illinois: Freedom Publishing Co., 1995. For kids 8 and up. Uses the term shyness but it offers parents the opportunity to discuss the difference between introversion and shyness. Provides good suggestions for making friends. Milne, A. A. The Winnie-the-Pooh Series. The characters who live in the Hundred Acre Woods represent a range of temperaments. Montross, David. Career Coaching for Your Kids. California: CPP, 2004. Includes exercises for kids and a tool kit for parents to encourage exploring careers. MacLachlan, Patricia. Sarah, Plain and Tall. New York: Harper Collins, 1987. For kids ages 8 to 11. First in a lovely series of books on a quiet, blended family on the prairie. Rawling, J. K. The Harry Potter Series. Harry Potter is a classic introvert. Snicket, Lemony. The Series of Unfortunate Events Series. With their thirst for knowledge and ability to concentrate, the two older Baudelaire orphans are introverts. Wells, Rosemary. The Edward the Unready Series. 222 Edward comes a little more slowly to new experiences than his peers do. Wells, Rosemary. The Voyage to Bunny Planet Series. Introverted characters learn to use their internal resources.
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快樂 (流畅感。) 楼主 2015-09-01 15:12:04
Twelve People You’d Be Surprised to Learn Are (or Were) Introverts 12个你觉得他们竟然是内向的名人
• JOHNNY CARSON. According to The Oregonian, “Carson was an introvert, a Midwesterner with sharp comic timing.” • DIANE SAWYER, who said, “People assume you can’t be an introvert and be on television. They’re wrong.” • WARREN BUFFETT, INVESTOR AND CEO OF BERKSHIRE HATHAWAY, INC. “Warren Buffett is an inspector-type introvert.” (The Warren Buffett Way, by Robert Hagstrom) • JULIA ROBERTS, who naps through most of her lunch breaks. “It makes me a much nicer person,” she says. • JOHNNY DEPP. Asked why he moved to France, Depp replied, “Simplicity, really. There I wasn’t thrown into the spotlight.” • MICHAEL DELL, former CEO of Dell Computer Corporation, who BusinessWeek says describes himself as an “off-the-chart introvert.” • JACQUELINE KENNEDY. “She would get on the same track with you, and listen, making you feel that what you had to say was the most important thing in the world.” (What Jackie Taught Us, by Tina Flaherty) • BILL GATES. When he was in sixth grade, his extroverted mother thought Gates needed counseling. She didn’t understand why her son stayed in his basement room so much. When she asked him what he was doing, he responded with some irritation, “Thinking.” (In Search of the Real Bill Gates, by Walter Isaacson) 9 • STEVE MARTIN. “Martin is now an art connoisseur and is known to sequester himself alone in a room of paintings for hours on end to refresh his mind and spirit. He’s a very private and introspective man.” (Steve Martin: The Magic Years, by longtime friend Morris Walker) • KEANU REEVES. “He’s Hollywood’s ultimate introvert,” says Entertainment Magazine. • AUDREY HEPBURN. “I’m an introvert,” she told interviewer Rex Reed. • JOAN ALLEN, who says, “My career is not a skyrocket kind of thing. It has worked well for my temperament.” Her company is named “Little by Little.”
•约翰尼·卡森。据俄勒冈州的,”卡森是一个内向的人,中西部人锋利的漫画时机。” •黛安·索耶说,“人们认为你不能是一个内向的人是在电视上。他们错了。” •沃伦•巴菲特(WARREN BUFFETT)投资者和伯克希尔哈撒韦的首席执行官“沃伦•巴菲特(Warren Buffett)是一个inspector-type内向的人。”(沃伦•巴菲特(Warren Buffett)方式,由罗伯特·哈格斯特龙) •茱莉亚·罗伯茨,他通过她的午休时间午睡。“这让我一个更好的人,”她说。 约翰尼·德普。问他为什么搬到法国,德普说:“简单,真的。我没扔进聚光灯下。” •迈克尔•戴尔•戴尔电脑公司前首席执行官《商业周刊》说将自己描述为一个“无法预知的内向的人。” •杰奎琳·肯尼迪。“她会和你在同一个轨道上,和听着,让你感觉,你不得不说的是最重要的世界上的事。”(Jackie教给我们什么,蒂娜Flaherty) •比尔盖茨。在六年级的时候,他的性格外向的母亲的想法盖茨需要咨询。她不明白为什么她的儿子住在他地下室。当她问他在做什么时,他了一些刺激,”思维。”(寻找真正的法案盖茨,沃尔特·艾萨克森写的)9 •史蒂夫·马丁。”马丁现在是一个艺术鉴赏家和已知隔离自己单独在一个房间里的画几个小时刷新他的思想和精神。他是一个非常私人和自省的人。”(史蒂夫。马丁:神奇的年,老朋友莫里斯Walker)•基努·里维斯。他是好莱坞的终极内向的人,“娱乐杂志说。 •奥黛丽·赫本。“我是一个内向的人,”她告诉面试官雷克斯里德。 •琼艾伦,他说,“我的职业生涯不是一种飞涨的事情。它工作对我的气质。“她的公司被命名为“小小。”
--有道自动翻译
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快樂 (流畅感。) 楼主 2015-09-08 16:09:14
我在借助有道词典看这本书， 现在看到15页了， 有点儿慢， 但是已经开始有点儿失望了！
作者是位女士， 我还没查她写这书时多大岁数 （大概40-50之间，因为做过20年的此类辅导研究？）
她无疑，在短短的15页的篇幅里已经开始显露她女性的特征 就是我总结过的： 她们其实只是适合做老师， 她会给你讲事情的来龙去脉 但是她们不会给你指出任何开创性的东西来 这不是她们的擅长、也不是她们的兴趣所在！
她已经开始八卦了： 弗洛伊德、荣格、阿德勒，他们关于内向、外向的解释吵了一架 弗知道后两位是内向的人， 所以在阐述这方面的东西时就用贬义的字眼儿 因为弗大大比后两者有名， 结果人们就被影响了：内向的人，是不好的。 这不是八卦是什么？ 中国人不是这么认为的么？
现在她又在尽力区分内向的人其实和害羞不是一回事。
我要是花钱买纸书肯定会觉得亏死了！
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快樂 (流畅感。) 楼主 2015-09-21 10:30:24
acetylcholine，乙酰胆碱 dopamine，多巴胺
Acetylcholine governs vital functions in the brain, including concentrating, consciousness, alert states, shifts between waking and sleeping, voluntary movement, and memory storage. The dopamine pathways represent the most powerful reward systems in the brain.They turn off certain types of complex brain functions and turn on involuntary movement, so they prompt children to act now and think later. 乙酰胆碱控制至关重要的功能包括集中,大脑意识,警戒状态,醒来和睡去,随意运动和记忆存储。多巴胺通路代表最强大的大脑奖励系统。他们关掉某些类型的复杂的大脑功能和打开随意运动,所以他们使孩子先行动后思考。
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快樂 (流畅感。) 楼主 2015-11-05 10:13:35
这两天用这种方式看的印象是： 我终于隐隐约约地获得了这本书的女作者要传达给读者的message： 孩子们， 是由自己的生理基础的，尤其是大脑的生理基础 应该不是简单的以男孩、还是女孩，外向还是内向（尽管目前她也不得不以这种分类来做研究、分类、说明）来分 孩子们确实有自己与生俱来的规定性 尤其是在大脑方面 （这两句我好象重复了，是吧？） 在感兴趣的事物、行为方式、思维方式、情绪表达方式等等方面 都有很大的不同， 这在宏观上（在3-6岁的幼儿园的班里）很容易就能观察到 更重要的是： 对于这种差异，大人就有了自己的好和不好的看法了！ 从这个角度上说， 小孩子的社会化真正开始了 而大人的“二次社会化”也开始了！
所谓“二次社会化”，就是： 一方面正确认识孩子与生俱来的特点、发展阶段、需要的帮助 一方面正确认识当下社会的发展、与之结合起来、成为孩子与社会之间的桥梁 这两者，大人是都需要通过加强学习得以进步的
小孩子的社会化，就是： 一方面，小孩子的大脑是“空”的（其实，已经有了自己的规定性了），通过各种社会交往、游戏，学习各种社会事务、规则 一方面，通过自己在各个阶段的参与，也对社会做一定程度的呈现和影响
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快樂 (流畅感。) 楼主 2015-11-20 12:29:37
哈哈！ 看到NPR上报道过的“睡觉卡”了！ “• Make sure that bedtime doesn’t get dragged out. Two requests—and that’s it. For younger kids, make some “Bedtime Request” coupons that read: “Drink of Water,” “Go to the Bathroom,” or “Blow Me a Kiss.” Give your child two a night and then say, “Oh no. You already used up your two coupons. Night, night.””
当然应该是这种方法在先， 那个报道只是做了一个一定范围的调查、统计。 这么有趣的方法， 竟然被她写得这么寡淡！ 不知道她的志向在哪里 她竟然都有孙子了！
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快樂 (流畅感。) 楼主 2016-01-14 16:34:02
较短的外向者的多巴胺路径。
1. 网状激活系统－激活者：多巴胺激活警报α脑电波,“hap打击”,触发可以感知任何运动的后关注系统。 2. 下丘脑－主协调者：协调身体的基本功能，并且触发“加油”系统。 3. 左、右后丘脑－中继站：把外部信号中继、放大、送到高相关区域 4. 右后岛－整合器：集成了大脑的几个区域，包括“在哪儿”和“什么时候“的视觉和更快的听觉通路。 5. 左杏仁脑－警报系统：触发害怕、焦虑和愤怒。如果遇到一个真实的、感觉到的威胁。多巴胺会不加思索地启动。 6. 右、左前扣带皮层－社交秘书：晚会中心；停止或开始说话，触发对别人感兴趣，快速地寻找好的鸡尾酒的晚会技能。聚焦于外部世界、快乐、有什么新闻和刺激的事。基于情绪信号，自动神经系统和开始或停止说话。 7. 左、右颞页－处理器：处理和整合情绪，外部信号输入和学习。工作内存区在这儿工作。给运动区发消息、移动肌肉。
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快樂 (流畅感。) 楼主 2016-01-14 17:59:00
较短的外向者的多巴胺路径。
1. 网状激活系统－激活者：乙酰胆碱激活前注意系统。信号“很有趣。” 2. 下丘脑－协调身体的基本功能，并且开启“刹车”系统。 3. 前丘脑－中继站：接收外部刺激、降低它、把它定期发到脑的前部。 4. 右前岛－整合器：集成了大脑的几个区域，包括“在哪儿”和“什么时候“的视觉和更快的听觉通路。整合情感技巧：同理心和自我反省；分配情感意义,注意错误和做决定。集成较慢的“什么”和“为什么”视觉以及听觉通路。 5. 左、中扣带区－社交秘书：安排优先、确认通往CEO区的入口；倾向内部世界；情绪出发自动神经系统。 6. 布洛卡区－左半球：计划说话和自我说话。 7. 右和左前半球－CEO处理器：乙酰胆碱创造beta波和在高度大脑活动时的hap一击。选择、计划，或者选择想法或行动。发展期望、评估产出。 8. 左海马区－统合者：乙酰胆碱收集标记个人的长期记忆。 9. 杏仁脑－警报系统：触发害怕、焦虑和愤怒。社会性痛苦的信号、触发负面经验的储存。 10. 右前颞叶－处理器：处理短期记忆，情绪，信号输入和学习。触发随意肌。
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快樂 (流畅感。) 楼主 2016-01-14 18:21:19
在看了《天资差异》、回头看《内向优势》时 我为什么要看这两张图？
经过上面这两贴对两个脑内路径的翻译， 我忘了为什么了
首贴中的第四张图提醒了我。
《天资差异》，或者她提炼的说荣格的《心理类型》 说了两个重要的过程： 感知（感觉和直觉）和判断（思维和情感）【她只说了这两个部分】 去调动情绪、采取行动。【没说这部分，似乎这部分没什么好说的？】
但是她没有生理基础方面的技术支撑。
就我随便的观察， 外倾与内倾的 外在区别在于：感觉和行动！ 内在区别在于：两种截然相反的神经递质在遵循远远不同的路径！ 外倾者在欣赏、玩味现实过程中的实际感觉时 内倾者在极力试图内化、或在内在世界里寻找相似的经验以解释感觉的外在际遇，当他发现无法很快找到的时候、内在过载、失去安全感，表现出需要外在保护的倾向、以便重回平衡的感觉。
这两张图就是这种说法的生理基础解释。
我不知道以上是否是《内向优势》这本书作者离离落落想要表达的呢 还是只是我现在这么想
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快樂 (流畅感。) 楼主 2016-01-16 09:51:06
较短的外向者的多巴胺路径。 1. 网状激活系统－激活者：乙酰胆碱激活前注意系统。信 较短的外向者的多巴胺路径。 1. 网状激活系统－激活者：乙酰胆碱激活前注意系统。信号“很有趣。” 2. 下丘脑－协调身体的基本功能，并且开启“刹车”系统。 3. 前丘脑－中继站：接收外部刺激、降低它、把它定期发到脑的前部。 4. 右前岛－整合器：集成了大脑的几个区域，包括“在哪儿”和“什么时候“的视觉和更快的听觉通路。整合情感技巧：同理心和自我反省；分配情感意义,注意错误和做决定。集成较慢的“什么”和“为什么”视觉以及听觉通路。 5. 左、中扣带区－社交秘书：安排优先、确认通往CEO区的入口；倾向内部世界；情绪出发自动神经系统。 6. 布洛卡区－左半球：计划说话和自我说话。 7. 右和左前半球－CEO处理器：乙酰胆碱创造beta波和在高度大脑活动时的hap一击。选择、计划，或者选择想法或行动。发展期望、评估产出。 8. 左海马区－统合者：乙酰胆碱收集标记个人的长期记忆。 9. 杏仁脑－警报系统：触发害怕、焦虑和愤怒。社会性痛苦的信号、触发负面经验的储存。 10. 右前颞叶－处理器：处理短期记忆，情绪，信号输入和学习。触发随意肌。 ... 快樂这个有几处编辑错误。 应该是:较长的内向者的乙酰胆碱路径。 第4条的前一句应该删去。
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快樂 (流畅感。) 楼主 2016-04-15 17:12:03
这一段的后面 也提到了对体罚的看法 相比之下， joe，我们现在那些“砖家”的言论 是不是象p一样没味？
我不是说下面这段就说得有多好 但是，相比之下 真是逊色了不知多少倍啊 差成色太多了
中文是有道翻译 可以溜着中英文的边儿快速scan一下 这段是在说内向的孩子在发展自律方面的特点
She says she may hang back at times, but she uses her chutzpah when she 她说她可能会犹豫,但她用她肆无忌惮 needs to leave her comfort zone behind. 需要离开自己舒适的职位。 Remember that trusting relationships are central to building an introverted 记住,信任关系是构建一个内向的中心 child’s self-confidence. Unless he learns that relationships are valuable and 孩子的自信。除非他知道关系是有价值的 enjoyable, an introverted child may tend to stay in his shell. A sure way to 愉快,一个性格内向的孩子可能倾向于留在他的壳。的确定方法 end up with an overly shy and/or insecure introverted child is to treat him 最终过于害羞和/或不安全的治疗他内向的孩子 harshly—and that includes disciplining him too harshly. Physical 严厉,包括管教他太严厉了。物理 punishment or other demeaning means of punishment teach children that 惩罚或其他的惩罚手段贬低教孩子 aggression solves problems. Every child development study out there shows 侵略解决问题。每一个儿童发展研究显示 that hitting, shaming, spanking, teasing, or comparing children are 羞辱,打打屁股,取笑,或者比较儿童 poisonous to their growth. Moreover, that kind of discipline doesn’t even 有毒的增长。此外,这种纪律甚至没有 work. Parenting is tough; everyone gets testy at times. But if you often have 工作。育儿是艰难的;每个人都暴躁的。但是如果你经常有 trouble with your temper, read up on the topic and consider taking an anger 麻烦你的脾气,阅读主题,考虑一个愤怒 management course. 管理课程。
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快樂 (流畅感。) 楼主 2016-04-15 17:16:48
我贴下面一段 是因为里面提到了几个年龄段 我以前没有详细了解过 当然这里也只是一过而已
Controlling vs. Cooperating 控制与合作 Many parents think they need to have power and control over a child’s 许多父母认为他们需要权力和控制孩子的 behavior. They may not be conscious of this, but power and control wears 的行为。他们可能没有意识到这一点,但是,权力和控制穿 many guises: blaming, commanding, lecturing, making comparisons, using 许多形式:指责,指挥,讲课,做比较,使用 sarcasm, acting the martyr, and making threats. 讽刺,烈士,制造威胁。 The opposite of control is cooperation, where both parent and child drop 相反的控制是合作的,父母和孩子都下降 their claim on power and control. The best way for a parent to win a child’s 他们的权力和控制。最好的方式赢得孩子的父母 cooperation is to send him the message that he is capable. Cooperating with 合作是送他消息,他是有能力的。配合 the family reinforces that sense of competence. This, in turn, builds 家庭加强能力的感觉。反过来,这构建 self-esteem and confidence in his ability to contribute and deal with others. 自尊和自信在他贡献的能力和与他人打交道。 Even when you know the value of cooperation and the futility of trying to 即使你知道合作的价值和努力的徒劳 control a child, it’s still difficult not to get drawn into a power match. First 控制一个孩子,仍然很难不纠缠于功率匹配。第一个 of all, children are hardwired to flex their autonomy muscles at certain ages. 重要的是,孩子的在特定的年龄flex他们自治的肌肉。 We all know about the “terrible twos,” but four and a half is a less 我们都知道“可怕的两岁”,但四个半是更少 well-known flexing period. Also, ages six, eight, thirteen, and seventeen will 著名的弯曲。同时,年龄6、8、13、17 truly test your parenting skills. In phases like these in particular, struggles 真正的测试您的育儿技能。尤其是在这样的阶段,挣扎 for control flare up quite easily. And while the introverted child 很容易的控制爆发。而内向的孩子 may seem mild-mannered, he likes to do things his way. It’s that old, defiant 看似温文尔雅,他喜欢照他的方法做事。那就是老,目中无人 drummer he’s marching to. He’s also more likely to become recalcitrant 鼓手他行进。他也更有可能成为顽固的 when he feels helpless, overwhelmed, angry, or frightened. However, it 当他感到无助,不知所措、愤怒或害怕。然而,它 takes two to tangle. As the parent, you can learn not to take the bait. 需要两个纠结。作为父母,你可以学习不上钩。
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快樂 (流畅感。) 楼主 2016-04-15 17:44:57
贴这段 是因为里面谈了一个 power struggle的问题 这个词看着玄乎 但实际上是日常生活中普遍存在的现象 只是我们中国人不习惯这个字眼儿 我也不知道用什么字眼儿好 感觉没这个字眼儿 一定要说的话， 那就是： １. 你要造反呢？！ ２. 还反了你了？ ３. 反了教啦你还？ 然而这都是西文中的意思 西方认为这事儿是可以争的、是正当的、是可以妥协的、是可以协商的 而在我们的语境里， 那就是“闹革命”哇！ 那是revolution哪！
宏观社会的处境也是这样。
How to Keep Above the Fray 如何保持高于竞争吗 • Remember that you are the adult. Even if you don’t feel like it, take •请记住,你是成年人。即使你不喜欢它, yourself out of the power struggle. Stop arguing. If a power struggle has 自己的权力斗争。停止争论。如果权力斗争 developed, it means you aren’t acknowledging your child’s feelings and 发达,这意味着你不承认孩子的感受和 viewpoint. Step back and take a deep breath. Think about what is going on 的观点。退一步,做个深呼吸。想想发生了什么 and ask, “Why are we deadlocked?” 然后问,“为什么我们陷入僵局?” • Cool off. Take another deep breath and look at the big picture. Ask •降温。再次深呼吸,看大局。问 yourself, “Why can’t I let go? ” Your child is depending on you to keep a 自己,“为什么我不能放手吗?“你的孩子是根据你保持 level head. 冷静的头脑。 • Think about your next move. Focus on what you will do, not on what you •考虑你的下一步行动。专注于你所做的,而不是你 are trying to get your child to do. 试图让你的孩子去做。 • Put what’s happening in perspective. “I know you are mad and frustrated, •正确看待发生的事情。“我知道你是生气和沮丧, but I’m sorry—there’s no more dessert tonight. Hey, but guess what? 但我今晚对不起这里不再有甜点。嘿,但你猜怎么着? Tomorrow after dinner—another dessert!” 明天后dinner-another甜点!” Making the Switch to Cooperation 使转向合作 • Articulate the problem. “We can’t seem to get out of the door on time in •表达问题。“我们似乎无法准时出门 the morning. The result is that I’m cranky and you are late for school and 早晨。结果是,我脾气暴躁,你上学迟到 upset.” 心烦意乱。” • Ask your innie to help find solutions. “What do you think are some •问你innie帮助找到解决方案。“你觉得是一些 possible ways to speed things up? Let’s see what we might be able to do. ” If 可能加快速度的方法吗?让我们看看我们能做什么。“如果 he can’t come up with any suggestions, prompt him with some of your ideas. 他不能提出任何建议,促使他与一些你的想法。 In this instance they might include getting up earlier, laying out clothes 在这种情况下他们可能包括你早起,布局的衣服 ahead of time, fixing lunch and breakfast the night before, and not turning 提前,解决午餐和早餐前一晚,而不是将 on the TV in the morning. 早上在电视上。 • Evaluate how things are going in a few days. Make it clear that you’re in •评估事情将会在几天内。你在弄清楚 this together. 这在一起。 • Send your innie a note. “Hey, I think we’re doing better. We were on time •发送你innie。“嘿,我想我们做的更好。我们是准时 three days in a row!” 连续三天!”
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快樂 (流畅感。) 楼主 2016-04-15 18:08:22
下面这段也提到了一些具体的办法 似乎有点儿过时了 我估计2-3岁的parent正好用上 但个别也是用得到的
Mastering (Innie-Style) Meltdowns 掌握(Innie-Style)崩溃 “Children aren’t happy with nothing to ignore, and that’s what parents were “孩子们不满意没有忽略,这就是父母 created for. ” —Ogden Nash 创建。“奥格登纳什 94 94年 All children go through certain ages (like “the terrible twos”) and stages 所有的孩子都要经历某些年龄(像“可怕的两岁”)和阶段 (growth spurts) where they melt down more easily than at other times. (生长),他们比其他时候更容易熔化。 Around the age of four or five, many innies who have been easy, even as 四、五岁左右的,许多innies一直容易,即使 two-year-olds, start to have stronger and more clear-cut wants that should be 两岁儿童,开始应该更强大和更明确的要求 addressed. At that point, they may try begging, whining, withdrawing, and 解决。在这一点上,他们可能会尝试乞讨,发牢骚,撤回, refusing to speak to you when things don’t go their way. Then there are just 拒绝跟你说话的时候不要去。还有就 plain bad days. Your child doesn’t feel well, he wants his way, he feels 糟糕的日子。你的孩子不舒服,他希望他的方式,他的感觉 backed into a corner, or he is flooded with feelings … and the result is a 逼到一个角落里,或者他是…,结果是一个充斥着的感情 full-fledged temper tantrum. Outies tend to externalize, and blame or get 成熟的乱发脾气。形状趋于具体化,指责或获得 angry with someone—probably most often a parent—for their troubles. 经常生气估计他们麻烦父母。 Innies tend to internalize, so they’re more likely to withdraw, go limp, or Innies倾向于内化,所以他们更有可能收回,跛行,或 tune you out rather than pitch a fit—but it can happen. 调整你的事情而不是球场上的它可能发生。 These are the moments that try parents’ souls. When a child is in the throes 这些时刻试父母的灵魂。当一个孩子在挣扎 of a tantrum, it seems that anything you do or say simply escalates the crisis. 发脾气,似乎任何你做了或说只是在危机升级。 When tempers flare, take a little break—a kind of momentary time-out to 当脾气爆发,打破一种短暂的暂停 calm yourself. Then you can put on your sleuthing hat and try to pin down 冷静自己。你可以穿上你的侦查帽子和试图确定 the culprit. Innies are most likely to succumb to flare-ups when they are 罪魁祸首。Innies最有可能屈服于冲突时 overscheduled, overstimulated, tired, or hungry. Ask yourself, was 超负荷,过度刺激、疲劳或饥饿。问问自己,是 something too much (i.e. , too much visual “stim,” too many people around, (即东西太多。,太多的视觉“敌人”,太多的人, too much change, too much sugar)? Was something too little (i.e. , too little 太多的变化,太多的糖)?是(即太少。,太少 rest, low blood sugar, not enough recharging time)? Acknowledge your 休息,血糖低,没有足够的充电时间)?承认你的 child’s feelings. You can say, “I know you want that toy, but I’m not going 孩子的感情。你可以说,“我知道你想要那个玩具,但我不会 to buy it. ” No excuses, exceptions, or explanations. Only offer 去买它。“没有借口、异常或解释。只提供 alternatives after he calms down. Take a few deep breaths. This too shall 选择平静下来后。做几次深呼吸。这一切都会 pass. Yes, your child will grow up. 通过。是的,你的孩子会成长起来的。 If you have been out and about for a while and your innie is bored, tired, 如果你已经出去了一段时间,你的innie无聊,累了, hungry, hot/cold, overwhelmed by stimuli, or feeling confined, she may start 饿,热/冷,被刺激,或者感到被限制时,她可能开始 squirming, fussing, demanding toys or a snack, or whining in an 蠕动,发牢骚,要求玩具或零食,或抱怨 ear-splitting pitch. Of course it’s best not to let things get that far, but now 震耳欲聋的音高。当然最好是不要让事情变得那么远,但是现在 that it has, your best bet is distraction. Make a silly face, sing a song, point 它,最好的办法就是分心。做个鬼脸,唱一首歌,点 out something of interest with great enthusiasm. If at all possible, leave, 以极大的热情感兴趣的东西。如果可能的话,离开, especially if you’re in a noisy, public place. Keep focused on your child and 尤其是如果你在嘈杂的公共场所。让你的孩子和关注 ignore any prying, disapproving stares. Calm your own temper and jettison 忽略任何窥探,不赞成的。平静自己的脾气和抛弃 any embarrassment you may feel. Every parent has dealt with a fussy child. 你可能觉得任何尴尬。每个父母都有处理一个难缠的小孩。 Next time, stop conflagrations before they happen by anticipating how long 下一次,阻止火灾发生之前通过预测多长时间 your child can shop, walk without a stroller, or go without eating, and plan 你的孩子可以购物,没有一个推车就走,或者不吃,计划 your outing accordingly. 因此你的郊游。
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快樂 (流畅感。) 楼主 2016-04-15 18:16:51
这段应该是初中以后用得上吧
Big-Kid Attitude 大孩子的态度 Older innies can present their own special brand of meltdowns. Sometimes 老innies可以展示他们自己的特殊品牌的危机。有时 innies have been easy children, and when their hormones start surging it’s a innies已经简单的孩子,当他们的荷尔蒙开始飙升 95 95年 shock. It may seem like some moody alien has invaded your formerly sweet 冲击。似乎有些喜怒无常的外星人入侵你的以前甜蜜的 child’s body. Where did your cutiepie go? It can be quite a loss. Your tween 孩子的身体。你的cutiepie去了哪里?它可以相当的损失。你的渐变 begins to give you what I called my daughter’s “fish eye” (a cold stare), sulk, 开始给你什么我给我女儿的“鱼眼”(一个冷冷的眼神),生气, stop speaking to you, give you clipped one-word responses in an irritated 停止和你说话,给你剪一个词的反应在一个恼怒 tone, roll her eyes behind your back, and get a “tude” (that’s a bad attitude, 语气,她的眼睛背后,得到一个“态度”(这是一个坏的态度, for the uninitiated). Charming … )。迷人的… Luckily, I have lived long enough to see my formerly fish-eyed daughter get 幸运的是,我在有生之年看到以前鱼眼镜头的女儿 the same cold stare from her own tween. Choose which battles to take on as 相同的冷瞪着自己的渐变。选择战斗一样 your innie teen goes through these irritating stages. Remember that finding 你innie青少年经过这些恼人的阶段。记住,寻找 parents “oh so annoying, stupid, silly, and dumb” has a purpose. Tweens 父母”哦,很讨厌,愚蠢,愚蠢,愚蠢的”目的。吐温类 and teens are preparing for their scary upcoming leap from the nest. It helps 和青少年正在准备他们的可怕即将从巢穴。它可以帮助 them to leave if they can knock you off your pedestal. They are trying to 他们离开,如果他们能击倒你你的基座。他们正试图 achieve autonomy and independence. But it’s also okay to say, “Hey, cool 实现自主和独立。但也很好的说,“嘿,酷 your jets. ” “Rewind that response and spit out a friendlier one. ” “Go back 你的飞机。”“倒带,响应和吐出一个友好。”“回去 into your room and come out when the ’tude is gone. ” A sense of humor is 到你的房间,出来时的态度。“幽默感 your best ally during these stages. 你最好的盟友在这些阶段。 I am now working with a very sulky introverted teen named Rachael. Her 我现在处理一个很生气的内向的少年叫蕾切尔。她的 mother has reacted to normal “teen-tude” by becoming hurt and angry. “She 妈妈反应正常“teen-tude”成为伤害和愤怒。”她 was such a sweet child,” her mom says wistfully. So now Rachael, driven by 是一个如此可爱的孩子,”她的妈妈说若有所思。所以现在蕾切尔,由 normal growing pains, has dug in her heels. The battle for autonomy is on, 正常的成长的烦恼,固守自己的。自治之争, and so far, Rachael is winning. She’s very withdrawn. She’s rude to her 到目前为止,蕾切尔是胜利。她很孤僻。她的粗鲁 mother. She stares at me with cold eyes. I have encouraged her mom not to 的母亲。她用冰冷的目光盯着我。我鼓励她的妈妈 take her daughter’s budding independence personally. It doesn’t mean she 带她女儿的独立个人萌芽。这并不意味着她 hasn’t been a good parent—in fact, the opposite. Rachael is showing normal 没有一个好的家长,事实上,正好相反。蕾切尔是显示正常 behavior for a teen. I have talked to Rachael about her feelings—they are 对于青少年的行为。我已经跟蕾切尔对她的情感 normal. It’s developmentally correct that she’s sick of her parents. The 正常的。发展正确,她生病了,她的父母。的 positive result of acknowledging these feelings is that mother and daughter 承认这些情绪的积极结果是母亲和女儿 are getting along much better. 是相处得更好。
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快樂 (流畅感。) 楼主 2016-04-18 11:09:24
这段是和孩子玩的时候要注意的地方：
Playing with Your Child
玩你的孩子
When you play with your child, you are strengthening your emotional bond.
当你和你的孩子玩,你加强你的感情。
It’s a good way to spend time together. But not all play styles are equal.
这是一个好办法花时间在一起。但并不是所有的游戏风格是相等的。
Researchers have found that children demonstrate less creativity when
研究人员发现,孩子们展示创造力的时候少
parents direct the play or make the rules. Children, especially innies, act out
父母直接玩或者制定规则。儿童,特别是innies,付诸行动
their internal lives when given room to play spontaneously. They’ll be
他们的内部生活自发地在房间里玩。他们会
thrilled to have your company, but they don’t need you to do everything for
激动你的公司,但是他们不需要你做任何事
them!
他们!
DO:
做的事:
• Offer some guidance on which materials to use. “Shall we see what we can
•材料使用提供一些指导。“我们看看我们能
do with the blocks now?”
现在的街区吗?”
• Ask open-ended questions. “Your building looks cool. What are you
•问开放式的问题。“你的建筑看起来很酷。你是什么
making?”
在做什么?”
• Allow your child to direct the play. Follow his lead.
•允许你的孩子直接玩。追随他的领导。
DON’T:
别: • Make specific suggestions, like: “Let’s use those blocks to make a bridge.” •做出具体建议,如:“我们用这些块桥。” • Guess what she is making; she may feel judged or pressured. •猜她是做什么,她可能会感到被评判或压力。 • Give orders or take charge of the play. •给订单或负责。 Play provides a fresh viewpoint, which develops a child’s social and 游戏提供了一个新的观点,发展孩子的社会 cognitive skills. Play also provides room to succeed or fail in safety. With 认知技能。游戏还提供了成功或失败的安全空间。与 play, innies are protected from consequences as they practice for real life. 玩,innies不受影响他们对现实生活实践。 Innies like to be prepared; they don’t like to be caught unawares. An innie’s Innies喜欢做好准备,他们不喜欢被绊倒。内凹的 preplanning part of the brain thinks through and imagines alternatives. 预先计划的一部分大脑认为通过和想象的选择。 Rehearsing uses less energy and prepares a child for action in the real world. 排练和准备一个孩子消耗更少的能源行动在现实世界中。
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快樂 (流畅感。) 楼主 2016-04-18 11:27:43
这段是关于聊天的
现在每天上幼儿园家家就要求我给她讲孙悟空的故事 而且一定要我“讲”的，“念”的不行 而且一定要“我”讲的，录音的叔叔阿姨讲的不行 有时在家、晚上也让我讲、上幼儿园之前也让我讲 慢慢地，我也很享受这样的时光 这是我为什么拼命恶补《西游记》的缘故
还有就是每晚看完了《小马宝莉》以后， 家家都要和我聊上１０分钟 因为第４季没有中文字幕 我也不能完全听懂 只能糊了半片地给她解释一些个别字句 结果看完了她还有很多不懂的地方 她就问我，我就再把整个故事给她串一遍 为什么某某马要做某某事 这集的故事学到了什么道理等等
The Importance of Chat Time 聊天时间的重要性 “It would be so nice if something made sense for a change. ” —From the “这将是很好如果有什么有意义的改变。“从 film Alice in Wonderland 电影《爱丽丝梦游仙境》 Talk for at least fifteen minutes each day with your innie. Chatting is a 聊与你innie每天至少15分钟。是一个聊天 powerful linking tool with innies, showing that you are a partner and 强大的连接工具和innies,表明你是一个合作伙伴 affirming their place on the family team. It gives your child “hap hits” and 肯定他们在家庭团队。它给你的孩子“hap支安打”和 develops her trust in you and her understanding of her mind. Listen to what 发展信任你和她理解她的想法。听什么 she says, mull it over, and respond with an open attitude. Ask questions with 她说,仔细考虑过后,以开放的态度回应。问问题 curiosity. “What happened at recess? ” “What did you learn today that you 好奇心。“课间休息时发生了什么?”“你今天学到了什么 never knew before? ” “Why do you think Susie likes to play with you?” 以前从来不知道吗?”“你为什么认为苏西喜欢玩你吗?” Don’t interrogate, judge, or attempt to fix the child’s problems or feelings. 不询问,法官,或试图解决孩子的问题或感受。 Ask what she thinks she can do to solve her own problems. Try playful 问问她认为自己可以做些什么来解决自己的问题。试着好玩的 role-playing: “If you had that to do over again, what would you do?” 角色扮演:“如果你有一次又一次,你会怎么做?” Chat Crafters 聊天手工艺者 Sometimes it’s hard to get a conversation started or, once you begin, to keep 有时很难让谈话开始,一旦开始,继续 it going. Here are a few tips for getting your innie to open up. 它走了。这里有一些小贴士让你innie开放。 • Avoid yes and no questions—Ask the “w” questions: why, where, what, or •避免“是”和“不是”问题的“w”问题:为什么,,,或 who? 谁? • Ask for specifics—What was the most fun thing you did at school today? •要求specifics-What是最有趣的事情你今天在学校吗? • Ask for details—How did your butterfly presentation go? •要求详细说明你的蝴蝶演讲吗? 102 102年 When you listen to your innie, it helps him practice sharing his inner world 当你听innie,它帮助他练习分享他的内心世界 with others. He needs you to engage in conversation and discuss what’s on 与他人。他需要你进行对话和讨论 both your minds. It draws him out and reduces the possibility that he will get 你的头脑。它吸引了他,减少的可能性,他将得到 stuck in his head. With daily chats, innies learn they have interesting things 卡在他的头上。还有日常聊天,学习有趣的东西 to say. He needs a safe interaction, in which you listen without discounting 说。他需要一个安全的互动,你听到没有打折 his thoughts, feelings, perceptions, and questions. He will learn, “My ideas 他的思想、感觉、认知和问题。他将学习,“我的想法 are worth listening to. ” Dialogue is a powerful strategy to affirm, broaden, 都是值得一听的。“对话肯定是一个强大的战略,扩大, and encourage even very young innies. 甚至鼓励年轻innies。 Chat time is a good time to snuggle. Relaxing together during bath time, 聊天是一个很好的时间依偎。放松一起在洗澡, bedtime, or just lazing around is a good time for an innie to surprise you 睡觉,或者只是赖是一个很好的时间内凹向让你大吃一惊 with what’s on his mind. Casual talking, asking questions without pressure, 的在他的脑海中。随意说话,问问题,没有压力, and thinking about something together free him up. Learn what kinds of 他自由和思考的东西在一起。学习什么样的 topics pull him out—sometimes if you share something, he’ll open up. 主题把他有时候如果你分享的东西,他会开放。 One of my clients just started up a fifteen-minute chat time with her 我的一个客户刚刚开始了一个十五分钟的时间和她聊天 seven-year-old daughter, Elise. The two are both innies and have a prickly 七岁的女儿,伊莉斯。这两个都是内外有多刺 relationship. The mother doesn’t like to play, and she expects Elise to be an 的关系。妈妈不喜欢玩,她希望伊莉斯是一个 adult. After much urging on my part and dangling the carrot of reduced 成年人。经过多次催促我的胡萝卜晃来晃去的减少 spats, the mom finally instituted a chat time. So every night before lights out, 争执,妈妈终于制定了一个聊天的时间。所以每天晚上熄灯前, they rest on Elise’s bed and muse about their days. It’s a time of casual 他们在伊莉斯的床上休息,缪斯女神对他们的天。这是一个休闲的时间 unhurried conversation. The mother is surprised that her daughter will now 从容不迫的谈话。母亲惊讶,女儿现在 casually say, “We can talk about that tonight during chat time. ” Elise is 漫不经心地说,“我们可以谈,今晚在聊天的时间。“伊莉斯 sharing more about her life with her mom and even asking for advice. Their 分享更多关于她的生活与她的母亲,甚至要求的建议。他们的 tiffs are fewer. 口角较少。
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快樂 (流畅感。) 楼主 2016-04-18 11:39:29
谈到了书和阅读， 嗯，我们还有后续着法！
Book It 书 Most innies love to read. In an online survey of introverts, when asked what 大多数innies喜欢阅读。内向的人在一个在线调查,当问到 they remembered as their favorite childhood pastime, they listed reading 他们记得童年时最喜欢的消遣,他们列出的阅读 first. They enjoyed going on imaginary adventures and getting to know the 第一。他们喜欢虚构的冒险和了解 characters in the stories. 角色的故事。 Use your innie’s love of reading as a means of getting closer. One way to do 用你innie的热爱阅读的接近。一个办法 this is to read the same book and discuss it together. Or ask your child to tell 这是读同一本书,一起讨论它。或者问你的孩子 you about what he is reading. Why does he like this book and not that one? 你对他是阅读。他为什么喜欢这本书而不是那一个吗? Discuss books you have enjoyed. 讨论你喜欢的书。 The touching film One True Thing portrays the gulf between an outie 感人的电影描绘了之间的鸿沟外突出了一个真实的事情 mother (housewife) and an innie daughter (writer) played by Meryl Streep 母亲(家庭主妇)和内凹的女儿(作家)由梅丽尔·斯特里普扮演 and Renée Zellweger, respectively. The mother suggests that she and her 和蕾妮·齐薇格,分别。她和她的妈妈建议 daughter form a book club—just the two of them. Through discussing the 女儿一家仅他们两个形成一本书。通过讨论 books together, the daughter’s eyes are opened to a new view of her 书在一起,女儿的眼睛被打开一个新的视图 mother’s interior world. 母亲的内部世界。 103 103年 Innies love to be read to—many tell me it’s their most pleasant memory Innies喜欢读许多告诉我这是他们最愉快的记忆 from their childhood. Choose a book you’ll both love, and round out your 从他们的童年。选择一本书你会爱,和你 chat time with a story or a chapter of a novel. Discuss the plotline and the 聊天的时间与一个故事或一个章节的小说。情节和讨论 characters. When you encounter something in your daily life that reminds 字符。当你遇到一些在日常生活中,提醒 you of the book, mention it. 你这本书的,客气。
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快樂 (流畅感。) 楼主 2016-04-18 11:46:40
做决定， 这应该是这本书的特点所在
Making Up One Mind at a Time 一个头脑 “I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week, “我必须有一个惊人的数量的,我花了一个星期, sometimes, to make it up. ” —Mark Twain 有时,来弥补这个缺点。“马克吐温 “Let me think about it,” is the innie mantra. Innies can’t make instant “让我想想,”innie咒语。Innies即时 decisions like outies can. Their longer brain pathway requires time to 形状可以决定。他们的大脑通路需要时间更长 combine and formulate lots of information before they are ready to reach a 结合,制定大量的信息之前准备好达成 decision. Usually they need a quiet environment, time, and space to 的决定。通常他们需要一个安静的环境、时间和空间 percolate. In fact, introverted children can become overwhelmed when 渗透。事实上,内向的孩子会变得不知所措的时候 asked to make on-the-spot decisions. Yet decisions, no matter how small, 要求现场做决定。然而决定,无论多小, crop up all the time. Remind your child that it’s okay to take some time to 突然出现。提醒你的孩子,可以花一些时间 decide. Teach her that decisions need not be so overwhelming. Once you 决定。教她决定不需要如此压倒性的。一旦你 break them down into a few steps, they become more manageable. Also tell 把他们分成几步,他们变得更易于管理。也告诉 her that, like most things, decision making gets easier with practice. Plus 她,像大多数事情一样,决策变得容易与实践。+ each decision, even a seemingly trivial one, presents the chance to make a 每一个决策,甚至一个看似微不足道的一个,提出了机会 choice, take a stand, or resolve a problem. 选择、立场或解决一个问题。 Discuss the issue at hand with your innie and over the course of the 讨论这个问题和你的innie手头的过程 conversation, gently ask, “What are you torn about? What are the positives 谈话,温柔地问,“你扯什么?有什么优点 and negatives of each possible choice? What is your ‘gut’ feeling? Are there 和底片的每个可能的选择吗?你的直觉的感觉是什么?有 any past decisions that could serve as a useful model? Are there mistakes 任何过去的决定,可以作为一个有用的模型?有错误 you want to avoid making again? ” Acknowledge her struggle by saying 你又想避免犯?”她挣扎说承认 something like, “It’s hard to make a choice, I know. ” In most instances, you “很难做出选择,我知道。“在大多数情况下,你 can sleep on the decision; things often look clearer in the morning. Then it’s 可以睡在决定;在早上通常看起来更清晰。那就 time to decide and make a plan. Ask her to think back on a decision she 时间来决定,制定一个计划。问她想回到她的决定 made that turned out well. Remind your child that there are no perfect 了,结果好。提醒你的孩子,没有完美的 decisions. There are simply the best choices one can make with the 决策。实在是一个可以使最好的选择 information available. Also, reassure her that few decisions are cast in stone. 可用的信息。同时,安抚她,一些决策是一成不变的。 How to Help Your Innie Make Up His Mind 如何帮助你Innie下定决心 Innies can become good decision makers. Role-playing the steps to make a Innies可以成为好的决策者。角色扮演的步骤进行 decision is a good way to practice: 决策是一个实践的好方法: • Ask your child what makes the decision difficult for him. •问你的孩子为他决定困难。 “I want to go to the camp, but I am afraid.” “我想去营地,但我害怕。” 104 104年 • Tell him to write down the pros and cons. •告诉他写下的利弊。 Pros: 优点: • It might be fun. •它可能很有趣。 – Caleb and Nathan are going. ——迦勒和内森。 – There are horses and campfires. ——有马和篝火。 Cons: 缺点: • I’ve never been there before. •我从未去过那个地方。 • It’s a whole week away from home. •离家整整一个星期。 • It might not be fun. •也许不是乐趣。 • There might be bullies there. •可能有恶霸。 • Ask what possible solutions he sees. Throw out a few if he can’t think of •问他看到了什么可能的解决方案。扔掉一些如果他想不出 any. 任何。 – I could talk with Nathan’s brother, who went last year, and get a better ——我可以与内森的弟弟,他去年,和得到更好的 sense of what it’s like. 是什么样子的感觉。 – I could plan to talk on the phone or write home. ——我可以打电话或写回家的计划。 – I could see if my friends could be in the same cabin as me. ——我可以看看我的朋友可以和我在相同的小屋。 – I could take some special things from home. ——我可以从家里带一些特别的东西。 – I can tell the counselor or my friends if someone bullies me. ——我可以告诉顾问或我的朋友如果有人欺负我。 – It might have some fun and some not-so-fun activities, and I can deal with ——它可能有一些有趣的和一些not-so-fun活动,我可以处理 that. 那 – If it turns out to be really awful, Mom and Dad could come get me. ——如果真的是可怕的,妈妈和爸爸会给我。 • Let him sleep on it. •让他睡。 • Encourage him to make a preliminary decision and see how it feels. He can •鼓励他作出初步决定,看看感觉如何。他可以 discuss further concerns or ideas that arise. 讨论进一步的问题或想法。 • Make a plan. Congratulate him on his choice •制定一个计划。祝贺他的选择
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快樂 (流畅感。) 楼主 2016-04-18 11:48:09
做决定， 这应该是这本书的特点所在 Making Up One Mind at a Time 一个头脑 “I 做决定， 这应该是这本书的特点所在 Making Up One Mind at a Time 一个头脑 “I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week, “我必须有一个惊人的数量的,我花了一个星期, sometimes, to make it up. ” —Mark Twain 有时,来弥补这个缺点。“马克吐温 “Let me think about it,” is the innie mantra. Innies can’t make instant “让我想想,”innie咒语。Innies即时 decisions like outies can. Their longer brain pathway requires time to 形状可以决定。他们的大脑通路需要时间更长 combine and formulate lots of information before they are ready to reach a 结合,制定大量的信息之前准备好达成 decision. Usually they need a quiet environment, time, and space to 的决定。通常他们需要一个安静的环境、时间和空间 percolate. In fact, introverted children can become overwhelmed when 渗透。事实上,内向的孩子会变得不知所措的时候 asked to make on-the-spot decisions. Yet decisions, no matter how small, 要求现场做决定。然而决定,无论多小, crop up all the time. Remind your child that it’s okay to take some time to 突然出现。提醒你的孩子,可以花一些时间 decide. Teach her that decisions need not be so overwhelming. Once you 决定。教她决定不需要如此压倒性的。一旦你 break them down into a few steps, they become more manageable. Also tell 把他们分成几步,他们变得更易于管理。也告诉 her that, like most things, decision making gets easier with practice. Plus 她,像大多数事情一样,决策变得容易与实践。+ each decision, even a seemingly trivial one, presents the chance to make a 每一个决策,甚至一个看似微不足道的一个,提出了机会 choice, take a stand, or resolve a problem. 选择、立场或解决一个问题。 Discuss the issue at hand with your innie and over the course of the 讨论这个问题和你的innie手头的过程 conversation, gently ask, “What are you torn about? What are the positives 谈话,温柔地问,“你扯什么?有什么优点 and negatives of each possible choice? What is your ‘gut’ feeling? Are there 和底片的每个可能的选择吗?你的直觉的感觉是什么?有 any past decisions that could serve as a useful model? Are there mistakes 任何过去的决定,可以作为一个有用的模型?有错误 you want to avoid making again? ” Acknowledge her struggle by saying 你又想避免犯?”她挣扎说承认 something like, “It’s hard to make a choice, I know. ” In most instances, you “很难做出选择,我知道。“在大多数情况下,你 can sleep on the decision; things often look clearer in the morning. Then it’s 可以睡在决定;在早上通常看起来更清晰。那就 time to decide and make a plan. Ask her to think back on a decision she 时间来决定,制定一个计划。问她想回到她的决定 made that turned out well. Remind your child that there are no perfect 了,结果好。提醒你的孩子,没有完美的 decisions. There are simply the best choices one can make with the 决策。实在是一个可以使最好的选择 information available. Also, reassure her that few decisions are cast in stone. 可用的信息。同时,安抚她,一些决策是一成不变的。 How to Help Your Innie Make Up His Mind 如何帮助你Innie下定决心 Innies can become good decision makers. Role-playing the steps to make a Innies可以成为好的决策者。角色扮演的步骤进行 decision is a good way to practice: 决策是一个实践的好方法: • Ask your child what makes the decision difficult for him. •问你的孩子为他决定困难。 “I want to go to the camp, but I am afraid.” “我想去营地,但我害怕。” 104 104年 • Tell him to write down the pros and cons. •告诉他写下的利弊。 Pros: 优点: • It might be fun. •它可能很有趣。 – Caleb and Nathan are going. ——迦勒和内森。 – There are horses and campfires. ——有马和篝火。 Cons: 缺点: • I’ve never been there before. •我从未去过那个地方。 • It’s a whole week away from home. •离家整整一个星期。 • It might not be fun. •也许不是乐趣。 • There might be bullies there. •可能有恶霸。 • Ask what possible solutions he sees. Throw out a few if he can’t think of •问他看到了什么可能的解决方案。扔掉一些如果他想不出 any. 任何。 – I could talk with Nathan’s brother, who went last year, and get a better ——我可以与内森的弟弟,他去年,和得到更好的 sense of what it’s like. 是什么样子的感觉。 – I could plan to talk on the phone or write home. ——我可以打电话或写回家的计划。 – I could see if my friends could be in the same cabin as me. ——我可以看看我的朋友可以和我在相同的小屋。 – I could take some special things from home. ——我可以从家里带一些特别的东西。 – I can tell the counselor or my friends if someone bullies me. ——我可以告诉顾问或我的朋友如果有人欺负我。 – It might have some fun and some not-so-fun activities, and I can deal with ——它可能有一些有趣的和一些not-so-fun活动,我可以处理 that. 那 – If it turns out to be really awful, Mom and Dad could come get me. ——如果真的是可怕的,妈妈和爸爸会给我。 • Let him sleep on it. •让他睡。 • Encourage him to make a preliminary decision and see how it feels. He can •鼓励他作出初步决定,看看感觉如何。他可以 discuss further concerns or ideas that arise. 讨论进一步的问题或想法。 • Make a plan. Congratulate him on his choice •制定一个计划。祝贺他的选择 ... 快樂也只是简单谈及 一带而过
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快樂 (流畅感。) 楼主 2016-04-18 11:51:40
放松的艺术 这段或许应该大书特书一下
The Art of Relaxing (and Revving Up) 放松的艺术(加速) Every day, introverted children face frustrating, anxiety-producing, and 每一天,内向的孩子们面临着令人沮丧,焦虑, potentially disappointing situations, such as new developmental tasks, 可能令人失望的情况下,新发展等任务, school pressures, and uncertainties in friendships. As parents, we need to 学校的压力,在友谊和不确定性。作为父母,我们需要 balance teaching our children to ask for assistance and helping them learn to 平衡教育我们的孩子寻求援助和帮助他们学习 manage frustration by themselves. The good news is innies can learn to calm 管理自己沮丧。好消息是innies可以学会冷静 themselves down, which is important because they can’t resolve a problem 自己,这是很重要的,因为他们不能解决一个问题 without first calming down. The earlier children learn to soothe themselves, 不先平静下来。前面的孩子学会安慰自己, the better they will be able to tackle whatever comes their way. 更好的他们能够解决无论。 Start early to reinforce your child’s self-soothing abilities. When a child gets 自慰开始早期强化孩子的能力。当一个孩子 frustrated, it’s tempting to try to fix the problem yourself rather than 沮丧,人们很容易尝试自己解决问题,而不是 reinforcing her ability to calm herself. Instead, give her a little room to try to 加强她平静自己的能力。相反,为了给她一个小房间 handle things. When she figures out a way to remedy the situation, or makes 处理事情。当她找出一种方法来挽救局面,或使 another attempt despite getting discouraged, you can pat her on the back and 另一个尝试尽管越来越沮丧,你可以拍拍她的后背和 say something like, “You got yourself on top of this. Good for you,” or 说,“你得到了自己在此之上。或对你有好处。 “Boy, those word problems were difficult. I’m glad you stuck it out.” “孩子,这些应用题是困难的。我很高兴你出来。” Armchair Traveling 扶手椅上旅行 Here’s an exercise that will teach your child how to take a mini-vacation in 这是一个练习,教孩子如何将迷你假期 her mind and come back relaxed and refreshed. Have her sit in a 她的思想和回来放松和舒畅。她坐在一个吗 comfortable position. Suggest that she imagine a peaceful scene, such as a 舒适的位置。表明她想象一个和平的场景,例如 sunny, flower-filled meadow, the beach, or wherever she feels most relaxed. 阳光明媚,鲜花的草地,沙滩上,或在她感觉最放松。 Tell her to focus on the scene for a few minutes and start to pretend that 告诉她关注现场几分钟,开始假装 she’s really there. Remind her to feel the sun, the breeze, the temperature of 她是真的在那里。提醒她感受到阳光、微风的温度 the air, and to hear the waves or the wind moving through the grass. Have 空气,听听海浪或风穿过草地。有 her practice this a few times. Let her know that this place is always there for 她练习这几次。让她知道这个地方总是在那里 her. When she is tense, she can take a short relaxation trip to it. 她的当她是紧张,可以短暂的放松之旅。 Quick and Easy Stress Busters 快速和简单的减压 • Hum (anything). •哼(东西)。 • Buy lip balm in peppermint or another scent your child likes—sniffing it •购买唇膏薄荷或另一个孩子likes-sniffing气味 will make her more alert. 会让她更加清醒。 • Shake like a wet dog. •像潮湿的狗。 • Kick a ball (outside) or throw Nerf balls. •踢球(外)或扔球。 • Rip up paper or a magazine (what you would recycle anyway). •撕碎纸或一本杂志(回收)。 • Put on lively music and dance any which way. •任何生动的音乐和舞蹈。 106 106年 • Pet or play with an animal. •宠物或动物一起玩。 Since innies tend to be anxious before attempting something new, help your 自innies往往是焦虑在尝试新东西之前,帮助你的 child develop the tools to manage anxiety. Teach him to anticipate what 孩子开发工具来管理的焦虑。教他期待什么 could happen and practice how to respond. This will calm him and give him 可能发生和实践如何应对。这将使他平静和给他 confidence. It will also streamline that 的信心。它还将简化 let-me-think-about-it-before-I-say-or-do-anything process. Practice various let-me-think-about-it-before-I-say-or-do-anything过程。练习各种 ways the situation might go and keep rewriting the possibilities of what 情况可能会和重写的可能性 could happen. This will help your child recognize that life does surprise us 可能发生。这将帮助你的孩子认识到,生活使我们吃惊 at times—but he needn’t fear those surprises. Help him to hone the tools 但是他不必担心这些惊喜。帮助他磨练的工具 needed to handle the unexpected. When you do something assertive, discuss 需要处理意料之外的情况。当你做一些自信,讨论 it with your child. You can say, “I was a little nervous when I had to ask the 它与你的孩子。你可以说,“我有点紧张,当我不得不问 dry cleaner to re-clean my coat. How do you think it went? ” Innies need to 干洗店re-clean我的外套。你认为它怎么样?“Innies需要 know that we all face doubt in our dealings with others. Such discussions 知道我们都面临怀疑在我们与他人打交道。这样的讨论 will instill a positive internal voice: “I can manage like Mom.” 将灌输积极的内部的声音:“我能像妈妈。” Revving Up 加速 Sometimes innies need to be reminded to rev up. Give your innie a nudge 有时innies需要提醒加快。给你innie推动 from time to time so that he’ll get his muscles moving. When he’s playing 不时,这样他会得到他的肌肉运动。当他玩 quietly in his room, the thought of physical activity may not look so 安静地在他的房间,身体活动看起来并没有那么的思想 appealing. You may need to jog his memory in order to realize that he does, 有吸引力。你可能需要唤起他的记忆为了意识到他所做的, in fact, like doing things like riding his bike, playing catch with his sister, or 事实上,做事情喜欢骑他的自行车,和他的妹妹玩抓,或 taking a brisk walk with the dog. Have him write “What I Like to Do” on 轻快的散步的狗。让他写“我喜欢做什么” colored three-by-five cards (color is always more invigorating than plain 彩色5寸卡(颜色总是比普通更爽快的 white). If he can’t think of what to do, he can look through the cards. You 白色)。如果他想不出要做什么,他可以通过卡片。你 can also get him in the habit of picturing what he wants to do before he 也可以让他想象的习惯之前,他想要做什么 embarks on doing it. This can serve as a motivator, a way of priming the 开始这样做。这可以作为一种激励,一种启动方式 pleasure center. 快感中心。 Quick and Easy Engine Revvers 快速和简单的引擎视频服务 • Be a windmill. Show your child how to shake her hands and feet and •是一个风车。告诉你的孩子如何动摇她的手和脚 swing her arms around to increase circulation and boost her energy level. 摆动手臂周围增加循环,提高她的能量水平。 • Invite your innie to sing with you at the top of her lungs, or suggest she •邀请你的innie唱她的肺部的顶端,她或建议 blast a few notes in the shower if she prefers private crooning. 爆炸几笔记在淋浴时如果她喜欢私人轻哼。 • Put on some music and dance around the room with or beside your innie. •在房间里放些音乐和舞蹈或innie旁边。 Or ask him to teach you the latest steps. 或请他教你的最新步骤。 • Be silly and laugh together. Watch an old comedy film like the Marx •傻了,一起笑。看老喜剧电影像马克思 Brothers’ Monkey Business—laughter is the greatest energizer. 兄弟的猴子Business-laughter是最大的劲量。 107 107年 • Have your innie swing, spin, or jump on a small trampoline. Bike riding •你innie摇摆、旋转或跳上一个小蹦床。骑自行车 and skating are great; innies love the freedom. Ping-Pong or badminton are 和滑冰是伟大的;innies爱的自由。乒乓球或羽毛球 good revver-uppers, too. 好revver-uppers。
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快樂 (流畅感。) 楼主 2016-04-19 10:05:35
放松的艺术 这段或许应该大书特书一下 The Art of Relaxing (and Revving Up) 放 放松的艺术 这段或许应该大书特书一下 The Art of Relaxing (and Revving Up) 放松的艺术(加速) Every day, introverted children face frustrating, anxiety-producing, and 每一天,内向的孩子们面临着令人沮丧,焦虑, potentially disappointing situations, such as new developmental tasks, 可能令人失望的情况下,新发展等任务, school pressures, and uncertainties in friendships. As parents, we need to 学校的压力,在友谊和不确定性。作为父母,我们需要 balance teaching our children to ask for assistance and helping them learn to 平衡教育我们的孩子寻求援助和帮助他们学习 manage frustration by themselves. The good news is innies can learn to calm 管理自己沮丧。好消息是innies可以学会冷静 themselves down, which is important because they can’t resolve a problem 自己,这是很重要的,因为他们不能解决一个问题 without first calming down. The earlier children learn to soothe themselves, 不先平静下来。前面的孩子学会安慰自己, the better they will be able to tackle whatever comes their way. 更好的他们能够解决无论。 Start early to reinforce your child’s self-soothing abilities. When a child gets 自慰开始早期强化孩子的能力。当一个孩子 frustrated, it’s tempting to try to fix the problem yourself rather than 沮丧,人们很容易尝试自己解决问题,而不是 reinforcing her ability to calm herself. Instead, give her a little room to try to 加强她平静自己的能力。相反,为了给她一个小房间 handle things. When she figures out a way to remedy the situation, or makes 处理事情。当她找出一种方法来挽救局面,或使 another attempt despite getting discouraged, you can pat her on the back and 另一个尝试尽管越来越沮丧,你可以拍拍她的后背和 say something like, “You got yourself on top of this. Good for you,” or 说,“你得到了自己在此之上。或对你有好处。 “Boy, those word problems were difficult. I’m glad you stuck it out.” “孩子,这些应用题是困难的。我很高兴你出来。” Armchair Traveling 扶手椅上旅行 Here’s an exercise that will teach your child how to take a mini-vacation in 这是一个练习,教孩子如何将迷你假期 her mind and come back relaxed and refreshed. Have her sit in a 她的思想和回来放松和舒畅。她坐在一个吗 comfortable position. Suggest that she imagine a peaceful scene, such as a 舒适的位置。表明她想象一个和平的场景,例如 sunny, flower-filled meadow, the beach, or wherever she feels most relaxed. 阳光明媚,鲜花的草地,沙滩上,或在她感觉最放松。 Tell her to focus on the scene for a few minutes and start to pretend that 告诉她关注现场几分钟,开始假装 she’s really there. Remind her to feel the sun, the breeze, the temperature of 她是真的在那里。提醒她感受到阳光、微风的温度 the air, and to hear the waves or the wind moving through the grass. Have 空气,听听海浪或风穿过草地。有 her practice this a few times. Let her know that this place is always there for 她练习这几次。让她知道这个地方总是在那里 her. When she is tense, she can take a short relaxation trip to it. 她的当她是紧张,可以短暂的放松之旅。 Quick and Easy Stress Busters 快速和简单的减压 • Hum (anything). •哼(东西)。 • Buy lip balm in peppermint or another scent your child likes—sniffing it •购买唇膏薄荷或另一个孩子likes-sniffing气味 will make her more alert. 会让她更加清醒。 • Shake like a wet dog. •像潮湿的狗。 • Kick a ball (outside) or throw Nerf balls. •踢球(外)或扔球。 • Rip up paper or a magazine (what you would recycle anyway). •撕碎纸或一本杂志(回收)。 • Put on lively music and dance any which way. •任何生动的音乐和舞蹈。 106 106年 • Pet or play with an animal. •宠物或动物一起玩。 Since innies tend to be anxious before attempting something new, help your 自innies往往是焦虑在尝试新东西之前,帮助你的 child develop the tools to manage anxiety. Teach him to anticipate what 孩子开发工具来管理的焦虑。教他期待什么 could happen and practice how to respond. This will calm him and give him 可能发生和实践如何应对。这将使他平静和给他 confidence. It will also streamline that 的信心。它还将简化 let-me-think-about-it-before-I-say-or-do-anything process. Practice various let-me-think-about-it-before-I-say-or-do-anything过程。练习各种 ways the situation might go and keep rewriting the possibilities of what 情况可能会和重写的可能性 could happen. This will help your child recognize that life does surprise us 可能发生。这将帮助你的孩子认识到,生活使我们吃惊 at times—but he needn’t fear those surprises. Help him to hone the tools 但是他不必担心这些惊喜。帮助他磨练的工具 needed to handle the unexpected. When you do something assertive, discuss 需要处理意料之外的情况。当你做一些自信,讨论 it with your child. You can say, “I was a little nervous when I had to ask the 它与你的孩子。你可以说,“我有点紧张,当我不得不问 dry cleaner to re-clean my coat. How do you think it went? ” Innies need to 干洗店re-clean我的外套。你认为它怎么样?“Innies需要 know that we all face doubt in our dealings with others. Such discussions 知道我们都面临怀疑在我们与他人打交道。这样的讨论 will instill a positive internal voice: “I can manage like Mom.” 将灌输积极的内部的声音:“我能像妈妈。” Revving Up 加速 Sometimes innies need to be reminded to rev up. Give your innie a nudge 有时innies需要提醒加快。给你innie推动 from time to time so that he’ll get his muscles moving. When he’s playing 不时,这样他会得到他的肌肉运动。当他玩 quietly in his room, the thought of physical activity may not look so 安静地在他的房间,身体活动看起来并没有那么的思想 appealing. You may need to jog his memory in order to realize that he does, 有吸引力。你可能需要唤起他的记忆为了意识到他所做的, in fact, like doing things like riding his bike, playing catch with his sister, or 事实上,做事情喜欢骑他的自行车,和他的妹妹玩抓,或 taking a brisk walk with the dog. Have him write “What I Like to Do” on 轻快的散步的狗。让他写“我喜欢做什么” colored three-by-five cards (color is always more invigorating than plain 彩色5寸卡(颜色总是比普通更爽快的 white). If he can’t think of what to do, he can look through the cards. You 白色)。如果他想不出要做什么,他可以通过卡片。你 can also get him in the habit of picturing what he wants to do before he 也可以让他想象的习惯之前,他想要做什么 embarks on doing it. This can serve as a motivator, a way of priming the 开始这样做。这可以作为一种激励,一种启动方式 pleasure center. 快感中心。 Quick and Easy Engine Revvers 快速和简单的引擎视频服务 • Be a windmill. Show your child how to shake her hands and feet and •是一个风车。告诉你的孩子如何动摇她的手和脚 swing her arms around to increase circulation and boost her energy level. 摆动手臂周围增加循环,提高她的能量水平。 • Invite your innie to sing with you at the top of her lungs, or suggest she •邀请你的innie唱她的肺部的顶端,她或建议 blast a few notes in the shower if she prefers private crooning. 爆炸几笔记在淋浴时如果她喜欢私人轻哼。 • Put on some music and dance around the room with or beside your innie. •在房间里放些音乐和舞蹈或innie旁边。 Or ask him to teach you the latest steps. 或请他教你的最新步骤。 • Be silly and laugh together. Watch an old comedy film like the Marx •傻了,一起笑。看老喜剧电影像马克思 Brothers’ Monkey Business—laughter is the greatest energizer. 兄弟的猴子Business-laughter是最大的劲量。 107 107年 • Have your innie swing, spin, or jump on a small trampoline. Bike riding •你innie摇摆、旋转或跳上一个小蹦床。骑自行车 and skating are great; innies love the freedom. Ping-Pong or badminton are 和滑冰是伟大的;innies爱的自由。乒乓球或羽毛球 good revver-uppers, too. 好revver-uppers。 ... 快樂这些应该也都是经过收集、筛选的一些办法 即使每行都看一遍也会有些收获
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快樂 (流畅感。) 楼主 2016-04-19 12:00:39
这里列出了父母和孩子不同气质的各种组合的表现 有的一看就只是个别案例 也没有太多的建议
Innie Parents with Innie Kids Innie Innie的父母的孩子 An innie parent and an innie child can enjoy simple pleasures like lazing 内凹的父母和内凹的孩子可以享受简单的快乐像懒散地混过去了 around and watching a video, reading books side by side on the couch, or 在看一个视频,阅读书籍并排坐在沙发上,或 kicking back together and drawing all afternoon while they listen to the rain 整个下午踢起来和绘画时听下雨 tapping on the roof. They easily fall into sync. They may value and share 在屋顶上。他们很容易落入同步。他们可能值和分享 each other’s interests and know each other well. But this cozy congeniality 彼此的利益和相互了解。但这舒适的适意 can have a downside: Sometimes they may have trouble getting themselves 可以有一个缺点:有时他们可能无法得到自己 up and out of the house and can get stuck in a rut. Then they don’t expand 的房子,可以停滞不前。然后他们不扩大 their social circle or stretch themselves in unfamiliar experiences. 他们的社交圈或伸展自己陌生的经历。 Some parents recall feeling isolated as innie children themselves. As a result, 有些父母回忆感觉孤立innie孩子自己。作为一个结果, they may be concerned that their children are introverts and may attempt to 他们可能会担心他们的孩子内向的人,可以尝试 change them. Here is how one introverted dad describes it: “I worry that 改变他们。这里是一个内向的爸爸描述的那样:“我担心 Jordon is too much like me. I know he keeps a lot inside. I try to give him 可喜欢我太多了。我知道他总是很多。我试着给他 space to talk. Maybe I should push him to be more outgoing. Every time I 空间说话。也许我应该把他更外向。每次我 think that, I remember how shut down I felt when my parents pressured me 认为,我记得关闭时我觉得我父母的压力 as a kid. I try to let him know it’s okay to be introverted, that I know what 作为一个孩子。我试着让他知道没关系是内向的,我知道 it’s like.” 就像。” Single Parents 单亲父母 If the innie parent is single, the child may become a partner rather than his 如果innie父母是单身,孩子可能成为合作伙伴,而不是他 or her child. Innies are good listeners, they are often wise, and they like 或她的孩子。Innies是好的倾听者,他们往往是明智的,他们喜欢 intimate relationships. This can lead to trouble if they become what is 亲密关系。这可能导致麻烦,如果他们成为是什么 termed a “parental child. ” Children who are pushed into an adult role too 称为“父母的孩子。“孩子也推向一个成年人的角色 early don’t get a chance to be kids. They skip over developmental 早期没有得到机会的孩子。他们跳过发展 milestones. Becoming too merged with a parent or parents erodes an innie 里程碑。过于与父母或父母侵蚀内凹 child’s confidence and reinforces his natural hesitation. Later it will be 孩子的信心,强化了他的自然的犹豫。以后这将是 harder for such children to grow up and fly the coop. If they do leave the 这样的孩子更难长大成人,越狱。如果他们离开 nest and marry—and many don’t—it will be hard for them to manage adult 巢和结婚,很多人根本不将他们很难管理成人 life and parenting because of the early deficits. If you are a single parent, 生活和教育,因为早期的赤字。如果你是一个单身母亲, make sure you develop your own adult support network. Don’t talk about 确保你开发自己的成人的支持网络。不谈论 too many adult problems with your child. Encourage your innie to have 太多的成人和孩子的问题。鼓励你innie other friends, especially one or two peers. Enjoy the dynamic of parent and 其他的朋友,特别是一个或两个同行。享受父母和动态 child with your innie—it’s best for both of you. 孩子与你innie-it最好的对你。 110 110年 Outie Parents with Outie Kids 外外的父母的孩子 Outie children and extroverted parents love to be on the go. They play hard, 外的孩子,性格外向的父母的爱。他们不择手段, work hard, revel in the glow of the spotlight, and remain loyal to their pack. 努力工作,陶醉在聚光灯下的发光,并保持忠于他们的包。 They enjoy having people around, engaging in lively, flowing discussions 他们喜欢周围的人,从事活泼、流动的讨论 and good-spirited arguing. They love feedback, achievements, and rewards, 和good-spirited争论。他们喜欢反馈、成绩和奖励, and they are usually competitive. People like them, and they like other 他们通常是竞争。人们喜欢他们,他们像其他 people. They make life fun. I have a number of clients who are outies with 人。他们使生活有趣。我有很多客户是谁的形状 outie kids—many have year-round passes to Disneyland. However, they can 外孩子有迪斯尼乐园全年通行证。然而,他们可以 overdo it and lose track of the richer aspects of life. They may not pause to 过头,失去联系的富裕生活的各个方面。他们不可能停下来 listen to themselves or to others. If they don’t learn to balance their 听自己或他人。如果他们不学会平衡 outgoing ways, the years of extroverting can wear them out. If no one in the 输出方面,多年的性格外向的人可以穿出去。如果没有人在 family—or no life crisis—slows them down, they can be vulnerable to 家庭或没有生命crisis-slows下来,他们可以容易 physical or emotional burnout at midlife. And they won’t necessarily 肉体或精神上的倦怠在中年。他们不一定会 develop self-reflection or the ability to savor the slower pleasures of life. 开发自我反省或能够享受慢生活的乐趣。 They may expect that everyone thinks and behaves as they do. An outie 他们可能认为,每个人都认为和行为。外突出了 raised by outies can grow up lacking a sense of individuality and be overly 提出的形状可以成长缺乏个性和过分的感觉 dependent on external praise. 依赖外部赞美。 That’s why it’s very important for outie parents to help their outie kids 这就是为什么它是非常重要的对于外外突出父母帮助他们的孩子 practice using the innie side of their system. Developing an appreciation for 他们的系统练习使用innie的一面。开发一个感谢 others’ differences and increasing their capacity for empathy will enhance 别人的差异,增加其移情的能力将会提高 their intimate relationships. Encouraging outie children to pause and reflect 他们的亲密关系。外突出鼓励孩子暂停和反映 improves their decision-making abilities and helps them focus and achieve 提高了他们的决策能力,帮助他们的注意力,实现 more long-term goals. Building their internal resources helps extroverts 更多的长期目标。建立自己的内部资源帮助外向 lessen their need for external approval. 减少他们需要外部批准。 Innie Parents with Outie Kids Innie外突出的父母的孩子 An innie parent with an extroverted child feels she has a tiger by the tail. 内凹的家长一个外向的孩子感觉她有一个老虎的尾巴。 This is how Jacqueline Bouvier felt upon marrying into the wild and woolly 这是杰奎琳布维尔觉得结婚后未开化的 Kennedy clan and having her two children. She had much in common with 肯尼迪家族和她的两个孩子。她有许多共同之处 her introverted daughter, Caroline, but felt concerned about her extroverted 她内向的女儿卡洛琳,但觉得担心她的外向 son, John. Several of her biographers report that she worked hard to curtail 儿子,约翰。她的传记作者报告说,她努力减少 his hankering for high-risk behaviors. Innies may find their outie children 他渴望高危行为。外突出Innies可能会发现他们的孩子 hyperactive, loud, demanding, noisy, superficial, and overpowering. They 活跃、嘈杂、要求,嘈杂的,肤浅的,压倒性的。他们 may feel pressured to squeeze more into a day than they can really manage. 可能会感到压力挤压比他们能管理到一天。 They can have trouble setting limits because they get worn out long before 他们有困难设置限制,因为他们可以穿很久以前 their child is ready to rest. 他们的孩子准备休息。 The outie’s urge to stay active, coupled with irritation if he misses out on 外的冲动保持活跃,加上刺激他是否遗漏了 anything, can make an innie parent feel like she’s on a constant, speeding 任何东西,可以使内凹的父母觉得她是一个常数,超速 merry-go-round: “You said in a half hour we could go. Is it time yet? What 旋转木马:“你在半个小时我们可以去说。是时候了吗?什么 111 111年 can I do till it is? ” The outie’s verbal barrage can flood the parent’s brain 我能做的到吗?外的语言攻势可以洪水父的大脑 and it will slam shut: “Stop, I can’t think! ” The parent, who longs for more 它会关上:“停下来,我不能想!”父母,他渴望更多 quiet time and more intimate relating, can end up feeling used by her child: 安静的时间和更亲密的关系,可以感觉她的孩子所使用的: “Irina only wants my taxi services and my social secretary skills.” “Irina只希望我的出租车服务和社交秘书技能。” Conversely, an outie child with an innie parent can feel stifled—a sentiment 相反,一个外有内凹的孩子家长可以感觉到stifled-a情绪 the parent may pick up on: “My extroverted daughter gets frustrated by my 父母可能接:“我外向的女儿被我的沮丧 quiet personality,” one innie father confesses. “She feels I am too distant. 安静的性格,”一位innie父亲坦白。“她觉得我太遥远。 She is hurt, because I don’t attend all of her dance competitions. On the 她是伤害,因为我不参加她所有的舞蹈比赛。在 positive side, I think she likes the way I trust her and listen to her, and that I 积极的一面,我觉得她喜欢我信任她,听她的方式,和我 give her privacy. Sometimes I feel inadequate and wish I had more 给她的隐私。有时我感到不足,希望我有更多的 get-up-and-go, the way she’d like me to be. It scares me when I’m with her 积极的,她喜欢我。我害怕当我和她在一起 and feel like my energy is being sucked right out of my bone marrow. I try ,感觉我的能量被吸的我的骨髓。我试着 to cover up my irritation, but sometimes I wonder, ‘Doesn’t she ever stop 掩饰我的愤怒,但有时我在想,”她不停止 talking?’” 说的?’” Outie Parents with Innie Kids 外的父母Innie孩子 An extroverted parent may wonder what is wrong with her introverted child. 一个外向的父母可能想知道有什么问题她的内向的孩子。 “I worry about my daughter, Gaby,” says one mother of an eleven-year-old “我担心我的女儿,傻瓜,”一名11岁的一位母亲说 girl. “She seems happy with a couple of friends, but I wish she were more 女孩。”她似乎高兴的朋友,但我希望她更多 popular. She spends a lot of time alone. When I was her age, I was active in 受欢迎。她花很多时间独处。当我在她的年龄,我是活跃的 sports, clubs, and school events. I worry that I’m doing something wrong as 体育、俱乐部、和学校活动。我担心我做错了什么 a mom. Or I think that maybe Gaby is physically ill, or depressed, or that 一个母亲。或者我认为也许傻瓜是不舒服的,或沮丧,或者 she has a more serious problem like being autistic. I wish she’d talk to me 她有一个更严重的问题像自闭症。我希望她跟我说话 more.” 更多。” Outie parents can wear themselves out investing their energies trying to 外父母可以穿自己精力试图投资 convert their innie into an outgoing child. It’s a losing proposition. An innie转化为一个外向的孩子。这是一个亏本生意。一个 introverted child may also make an outie parent restless. He may feel that 内向的孩子也可以外突出了父母不安。他可能觉得 his innie child’s slow-as-molasses-in-January pace keeps him from getting 他innie孩子的slow-as-molasses-in-January速度让他得到 things done. He may be uncomfortable with the innie’s in-depth curiosity 事情做好。他可能不舒服innie深入的好奇心 and the unnerving questions she asks. For innies will doggedly pursue 和令人不安的问题她问。innies将顽强地追求 questions outies don’t give a second thought to—questions that demand 形状不给第二个问题思考问题的需求 reflection, stir up uncomfortable feelings, or require research to learn. This 反射,激起不舒服的感受,或需要研究学习。这 can intimidate or annoy the outie parent: “Just get on with it, you don’t need 可以威胁或骚扰外父:“会接受它,你不需要吗 to know that. ” “Why can’t she just go with the flow? ” “We don’t have time 知道。”“为什么她就不能顺其自然?”“我们没有时间 to stop to read about that.” 停止阅读。” In their rush to get things done, many outie parents may not make time for 急于把事情做完,很多外父母不可能腾出时间 conversations with their children. They may communicate in chitchat that 与他们的孩子。他们可能在聊天交流 doesn’t give innies enough time to answer. The innie child ends up feeling 不给innies足够的时间来回答。innie孩子最终的感觉 that her parents aren’t interested in what she has to say. Outie parents are 她的父母她说的话不感兴趣。外的父母 usually energetic; they fly around, accomplishing things and having fun. 通常精力充沛;他们飞来飞去,完成的东西,很开心。 112 112年 They feel like good parents; their kids “do” a lot. But an innie can wilt on 他们觉得好父母,他们的孩子“做”了很多。但内凹枯萎 the vine when parents don’t adjust to her pace. 葡萄树当父母不适应她的步伐。 Outie parents may misunderstand their child’s need to process information 外父母可能误解了他们孩子的需要处理信息 before making a decision. “For heaven’s sake, just decide! ” Delayed 在做决定之前。“看在上帝的份上,就决定了!“延期 emotional reactions puzzle them, too. An innie’s slowness worries 情绪反应难题他们,太。内凹的缓慢的担忧 extroverted parents who equate speed with smarts. They may also feel 外向的父母速度与智慧等同起来。他们也可能感觉 insulted if the child doesn’t reveal her feelings: “Why didn’t you tell me you 侮辱,如果孩子不透露她的感情:“你为什么不告诉我你 didn’t have a good time at Jen’s? You never tell me anything.” 没有一个好的时间在珍的吗?你永远不会告诉我任何东西。” An outie parent may unknowingly intrude on his innie. He might barge into 外突出了父母可能在不知情的情况下侵犯他的innie。他可能会闯入 her room without knocking, or interrupt and start talking while the child is 她的房间不敲门,或中断而孩子开始学习说话 still trying to acclimate to his presence. Innies feel discombobulated when 仍在努力适应他的存在。Innies时感到惶惶不安 suddenly brought out of deep concentration. An outie parent can take it 突然拿出深浓度。外突出了父母可以把它 personally if he doesn’t understand his child’s hardwiring. Unless he 个人如果他不理解他的孩子的硬接线。除非他 understands the innie’s need for space and privacy, he may feel rejected or 理解innie需要空间和隐私,他可能觉得拒绝或 think the child doesn’t love him. 认为孩子不喜欢他。 Since innies don’t offer the same energy kick, sadly, some outie parents 因为innies不提供相同的能量,遗憾的是,一些外的父母 become less interested in their innie—and prefer outie kids. “Robbie is fun, 外突出innie-and喜欢孩子变得不那么感兴趣。“罗比很有趣, I like his spunk. ” “Peter is so slow, I start feeling like I’m dragging a bag of 我喜欢他的怒意。”“彼得是如此的缓慢,我开始感觉我拖着一袋 potatoes around behind me. All I say to him is, ‘Hurry up’ all day long.” 土豆在我身后。我对他说,快点。” There is a flip side. As Gaby’s mom puts it, “I think she is relieved because 有一个反面。正如戈比的妈妈所说,“我认为她是松了一口气,因为 I am friendly and can grease the social wheels for her. Our conversations 我对她友好可以润滑社会车轮。我们的谈话 flow best when we do something like take a walk, eat together, go for a 流最好当我们做类似散步,一起吃饭,去 drive, or work together in the garden. I can tolerate the pauses and silences 开车,或者在花园里一起工作。我可以容忍停顿和沉默 more easily.” 更容易。” Innie Parents with Outie and Innie Kids Innie外和Innie孩子的父母 Having children with differing temperaments can be quite a challenge, 生孩子不同的性格可能是一个相当大的挑战, especially for a single parent. You may feel constantly torn and unable to 尤其是对单亲。你可能会感到不断的撕裂,无法 meet your two (or more) children’s individual needs. It will be crucial to 满足您的两个(或更多)的孩子的个人需求。这将是至关重要的 find extroverted adults and friends for your outie child to spend extroverting 发现外向外突出成人和朋友对你的孩子花外向 time with. You will need to help your outie meet his need for 时间。你需要帮助你的外满足他的需要 out-in-the-world adventure. 世界上冒险。 You and your innie will likely interact with more ease. There’s no need to 你和你的innie可能会更轻松地进行交互。没有必要 feel guilty about this; you may have an easy spark of unspoken knowing 感到内疚,你可能有一个简单的火花不言而喻的了解 between you. Your outie may sense the difference and wonder why his 你们之间。外可能有意义,想知道为什么他的区别 sibling enjoys more rapport with you. He may feel you are withdrawn and 和你兄弟喜欢更融洽。他可能觉得你撤回 not very exciting. It’s important to discuss these temperament differences in 不是很令人兴奋。讨论这些气质的差异是很重要的 your family. 你的家人。 113 113年 Thirteen-year-old Alison, a left-brained outie, has a right-brained innie 十三岁的艾莉森,外突出一个左脑,右脑发达innie mother and younger sister. The sister and their father, also an innie but 母亲和妹妹。姐姐和他们的父亲,也内凹 left-brained like Alison, had a much easier time communicating about 左脑像艾莉森,容易沟通得多 upsetting conflicts in the family. Alison could also talk about how she 扰乱家庭冲突。艾莉森也可以谈论她 sometimes felt left out of the relationship between her mom and her sister. 有时觉得她的妈妈和她的妹妹之间的关系。 Luckily, her mother was fine with Alison talking out these frustrations with 幸运的是,她的母亲很好与艾莉森说这些挫折 her father. In order to help Alison find balance for her introverted home life, 她的父亲。为了帮助艾莉森找到平衡她内向的家庭生活, they arranged for her to join a soccer team and Girl Scout troop, and to go 他们安排了她加入足球队和女童子军,和去 on outings with her friends. She also spent time with an extroverted 和朋友出去郊游。她还把时间花在一个外向 grandparent. 祖父母。 Outie Parents with Innie and Outie Kids 外外突出Innie的父母和孩子 In a family with extroverted parents and kids with mixed temperaments, the 在一个家庭与混合性格,外向的家长和孩子 innie child may feel like the “odd kid out,” the one who is slower to get innie孩子可能觉得“古怪的孩子,”的人慢 going, who prefers to stay home, who needs peace and quiet to recharge. ,他们更喜欢呆在家里,需要安静来充电。 This can work out fine if the family is understanding and accepting of the 这就好,如果家庭是理解和接受的 innie’s needs. In fact, family members may come to rely upon the innie innie的需要。事实上,家庭成员可能会依赖innie sibling as an island of calm amid the general din of the household. Because 兄弟姐妹是一个平静的岛屿在一般家庭的喧嚣。因为 innies tend to be cooperative and invested in family harmony, they can innies往往是合作和投资于家庭和谐,他们可以 become the stealth family referee, listening, dispensing family wisdom, and 成为隐形家庭裁判,听,调剂家庭智慧, generally serving as the family compass. 通常作为家庭指南针。 However, if the family is less aware and accepting of differences, the innie 但是,如果家庭不太了解和接受差异,innie may feel isolated or overlooked. I have heard from numerous innies who 可能感到孤独或被忽视。我从众多innies谁听说过 grew up in outie families and felt excluded, pressured to be more 在外家庭长大,感觉排除在外,更多的压力 extroverted, or even ganged up on to the point where they became the 外向,甚至集中,他们成为了 family scapegoat. In general, innies try to accommodate other family 家庭的替罪羊。一般来说,innies试图容纳其他家庭 members, and this can leave them vulnerable to being teased or taken 成员,这可以让他们容易被嘲笑或拍摄 advantage of. Unfortunately, many of my innie clients were mistreated by 的优势。不幸的是,我的许多innie客户被虐待 siblings, and their parents did not intervene. 兄弟姐妹,和他们的父母不干预。 Parents set the tone for how kids are treated in a family. Don’t let more 父母为孩子们如何对待定下了基调。不要让更多的 aggressive siblings gang up on innies. Tap into your innie’s talents and let 积极innies兄弟姐妹联合起来。利用你的innie才华和让 her demonstrate them to her siblings. For example, invite your innie to tell 她展示她的兄弟姐妹。例如,邀请你的innie告诉 other family members about one of her hobbies. Point out her strengths to 其他家庭成员对她的一个爱好。指出她的长处 the other family members. “Boy, Samantha is a really good listener, isn’t 其他家庭成员。“孩子,萨曼莎是一个很好的倾听者,不是 she? ” “Did you notice the great idea Dakota came up with? ” Acknowledge 她吗?”“你有没有注意到达科他想出的好主意吗?“承认 and value that child’s contributions to the behind-the-scenes running of the 孩子的价值贡献的幕后运行 family. An innie can balance a family of outies, b 家庭。内凹形状可以平衡家庭,b
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快樂 (流畅感。) 楼主 2016-04-19 12:13:27
这里列出了父母和孩子不同气质的各种组合的表现 有的一看就只是个别案例 也没有太 这里列出了父母和孩子不同气质的各种组合的表现 有的一看就只是个别案例 也没有太多的建议 Innie Parents with Innie Kids Innie Innie的父母的孩子 An innie parent and an innie child can enjoy simple pleasures like lazing 内凹的父母和内凹的孩子可以享受简单的快乐像懒散地混过去了 around and watching a video, reading books side by side on the couch, or 在看一个视频,阅读书籍并排坐在沙发上,或 kicking back together and drawing all afternoon while they listen to the rain 整个下午踢起来和绘画时听下雨 tapping on the roof. They easily fall into sync. They may value and share 在屋顶上。他们很容易落入同步。他们可能值和分享 each other’s interests and know each other well. But this cozy congeniality 彼此的利益和相互了解。但这舒适的适意 can have a downside: Sometimes they may have trouble getting themselves 可以有一个缺点:有时他们可能无法得到自己 up and out of the house and can get stuck in a rut. Then they don’t expand 的房子,可以停滞不前。然后他们不扩大 their social circle or stretch themselves in unfamiliar experiences. 他们的社交圈或伸展自己陌生的经历。 Some parents recall feeling isolated as innie children themselves. As a result, 有些父母回忆感觉孤立innie孩子自己。作为一个结果, they may be concerned that their children are introverts and may attempt to 他们可能会担心他们的孩子内向的人,可以尝试 change them. Here is how one introverted dad describes it: “I worry that 改变他们。这里是一个内向的爸爸描述的那样:“我担心 Jordon is too much like me. I know he keeps a lot inside. I try to give him 可喜欢我太多了。我知道他总是很多。我试着给他 space to talk. Maybe I should push him to be more outgoing. Every time I 空间说话。也许我应该把他更外向。每次我 think that, I remember how shut down I felt when my parents pressured me 认为,我记得关闭时我觉得我父母的压力 as a kid. I try to let him know it’s okay to be introverted, that I know what 作为一个孩子。我试着让他知道没关系是内向的,我知道 it’s like.” 就像。” Single Parents 单亲父母 If the innie parent is single, the child may become a partner rather than his 如果innie父母是单身,孩子可能成为合作伙伴,而不是他 or her child. Innies are good listeners, they are often wise, and they like 或她的孩子。Innies是好的倾听者,他们往往是明智的,他们喜欢 intimate relationships. This can lead to trouble if they become what is 亲密关系。这可能导致麻烦,如果他们成为是什么 termed a “parental child. ” Children who are pushed into an adult role too 称为“父母的孩子。“孩子也推向一个成年人的角色 early don’t get a chance to be kids. They skip over developmental 早期没有得到机会的孩子。他们跳过发展 milestones. Becoming too merged with a parent or parents erodes an innie 里程碑。过于与父母或父母侵蚀内凹 child’s confidence and reinforces his natural hesitation. Later it will be 孩子的信心,强化了他的自然的犹豫。以后这将是 harder for such children to grow up and fly the coop. If they do leave the 这样的孩子更难长大成人,越狱。如果他们离开 nest and marry—and many don’t—it will be hard for them to manage adult 巢和结婚,很多人根本不将他们很难管理成人 life and parenting because of the early deficits. If you are a single parent, 生活和教育,因为早期的赤字。如果你是一个单身母亲, make sure you develop your own adult support network. Don’t talk about 确保你开发自己的成人的支持网络。不谈论 too many adult problems with your child. Encourage your innie to have 太多的成人和孩子的问题。鼓励你innie other friends, especially one or two peers. Enjoy the dynamic of parent and 其他的朋友,特别是一个或两个同行。享受父母和动态 child with your innie—it’s best for both of you. 孩子与你innie-it最好的对你。 110 110年 Outie Parents with Outie Kids 外外的父母的孩子 Outie children and extroverted parents love to be on the go. They play hard, 外的孩子,性格外向的父母的爱。他们不择手段, work hard, revel in the glow of the spotlight, and remain loyal to their pack. 努力工作,陶醉在聚光灯下的发光,并保持忠于他们的包。 They enjoy having people around, engaging in lively, flowing discussions 他们喜欢周围的人,从事活泼、流动的讨论 and good-spirited arguing. They love feedback, achievements, and rewards, 和good-spirited争论。他们喜欢反馈、成绩和奖励, and they are usually competitive. People like them, and they like other 他们通常是竞争。人们喜欢他们,他们像其他 people. They make life fun. I have a number of clients who are outies with 人。他们使生活有趣。我有很多客户是谁的形状 outie kids—many have year-round passes to Disneyland. However, they can 外孩子有迪斯尼乐园全年通行证。然而,他们可以 overdo it and lose track of the richer aspects of life. They may not pause to 过头,失去联系的富裕生活的各个方面。他们不可能停下来 listen to themselves or to others. If they don’t learn to balance their 听自己或他人。如果他们不学会平衡 outgoing ways, the years of extroverting can wear them out. If no one in the 输出方面,多年的性格外向的人可以穿出去。如果没有人在 family—or no life crisis—slows them down, they can be vulnerable to 家庭或没有生命crisis-slows下来,他们可以容易 physical or emotional burnout at midlife. And they won’t necessarily 肉体或精神上的倦怠在中年。他们不一定会 develop self-reflection or the ability to savor the slower pleasures of life. 开发自我反省或能够享受慢生活的乐趣。 They may expect that everyone thinks and behaves as they do. An outie 他们可能认为,每个人都认为和行为。外突出了 raised by outies can grow up lacking a sense of individuality and be overly 提出的形状可以成长缺乏个性和过分的感觉 dependent on external praise. 依赖外部赞美。 That’s why it’s very important for outie parents to help their outie kids 这就是为什么它是非常重要的对于外外突出父母帮助他们的孩子 practice using the innie side of their system. Developing an appreciation for 他们的系统练习使用innie的一面。开发一个感谢 others’ differences and increasing their capacity for empathy will enhance 别人的差异,增加其移情的能力将会提高 their intimate relationships. Encouraging outie children to pause and reflect 他们的亲密关系。外突出鼓励孩子暂停和反映 improves their decision-making abilities and helps them focus and achieve 提高了他们的决策能力,帮助他们的注意力,实现 more long-term goals. Building their internal resources helps extroverts 更多的长期目标。建立自己的内部资源帮助外向 lessen their need for external approval. 减少他们需要外部批准。 Innie Parents with Outie Kids Innie外突出的父母的孩子 An innie parent with an extroverted child feels she has a tiger by the tail. 内凹的家长一个外向的孩子感觉她有一个老虎的尾巴。 This is how Jacqueline Bouvier felt upon marrying into the wild and woolly 这是杰奎琳布维尔觉得结婚后未开化的 Kennedy clan and having her two children. She had much in common with 肯尼迪家族和她的两个孩子。她有许多共同之处 her introverted daughter, Caroline, but felt concerned about her extroverted 她内向的女儿卡洛琳,但觉得担心她的外向 son, John. Several of her biographers report that she worked hard to curtail 儿子,约翰。她的传记作者报告说,她努力减少 his hankering for high-risk behaviors. Innies may find their outie children 他渴望高危行为。外突出Innies可能会发现他们的孩子 hyperactive, loud, demanding, noisy, superficial, and overpowering. They 活跃、嘈杂、要求,嘈杂的,肤浅的,压倒性的。他们 may feel pressured to squeeze more into a day than they can really manage. 可能会感到压力挤压比他们能管理到一天。 They can have trouble setting limits because they get worn out long before 他们有困难设置限制,因为他们可以穿很久以前 their child is ready to rest. 他们的孩子准备休息。 The outie’s urge to stay active, coupled with irritation if he misses out on 外的冲动保持活跃,加上刺激他是否遗漏了 anything, can make an innie parent feel like she’s on a constant, speeding 任何东西,可以使内凹的父母觉得她是一个常数,超速 merry-go-round: “You said in a half hour we could go. Is it time yet? What 旋转木马:“你在半个小时我们可以去说。是时候了吗?什么 111 111年 can I do till it is? ” The outie’s verbal barrage can flood the parent’s brain 我能做的到吗?外的语言攻势可以洪水父的大脑 and it will slam shut: “Stop, I can’t think! ” The parent, who longs for more 它会关上:“停下来,我不能想!”父母,他渴望更多 quiet time and more intimate relating, can end up feeling used by her child: 安静的时间和更亲密的关系,可以感觉她的孩子所使用的: “Irina only wants my taxi services and my social secretary skills.” “Irina只希望我的出租车服务和社交秘书技能。” Conversely, an outie child with an innie parent can feel stifled—a sentiment 相反,一个外有内凹的孩子家长可以感觉到stifled-a情绪 the parent may pick up on: “My extroverted daughter gets frustrated by my 父母可能接:“我外向的女儿被我的沮丧 quiet personality,” one innie father confesses. “She feels I am too distant. 安静的性格,”一位innie父亲坦白。“她觉得我太遥远。 She is hurt, because I don’t attend all of her dance competitions. On the 她是伤害,因为我不参加她所有的舞蹈比赛。在 positive side, I think she likes the way I trust her and listen to her, and that I 积极的一面,我觉得她喜欢我信任她,听她的方式,和我 give her privacy. Sometimes I feel inadequate and wish I had more 给她的隐私。有时我感到不足,希望我有更多的 get-up-and-go, the way she’d like me to be. It scares me when I’m with her 积极的,她喜欢我。我害怕当我和她在一起 and feel like my energy is being sucked right out of my bone marrow. I try ,感觉我的能量被吸的我的骨髓。我试着 to cover up my irritation, but sometimes I wonder, ‘Doesn’t she ever stop 掩饰我的愤怒,但有时我在想,”她不停止 talking?’” 说的?’” Outie Parents with Innie Kids 外的父母Innie孩子 An extroverted parent may wonder what is wrong with her introverted child. 一个外向的父母可能想知道有什么问题她的内向的孩子。 “I worry about my daughter, Gaby,” says one mother of an eleven-year-old “我担心我的女儿,傻瓜,”一名11岁的一位母亲说 girl. “She seems happy with a couple of friends, but I wish she were more 女孩。”她似乎高兴的朋友,但我希望她更多 popular. She spends a lot of time alone. When I was her age, I was active in 受欢迎。她花很多时间独处。当我在她的年龄,我是活跃的 sports, clubs, and school events. I worry that I’m doing something wrong as 体育、俱乐部、和学校活动。我担心我做错了什么 a mom. Or I think that maybe Gaby is physically ill, or depressed, or that 一个母亲。或者我认为也许傻瓜是不舒服的,或沮丧,或者 she has a more serious problem like being autistic. I wish she’d talk to me 她有一个更严重的问题像自闭症。我希望她跟我说话 more.” 更多。” Outie parents can wear themselves out investing their energies trying to 外父母可以穿自己精力试图投资 convert their innie into an outgoing child. It’s a losing proposition. An innie转化为一个外向的孩子。这是一个亏本生意。一个 introverted child may also make an outie parent restless. He may feel that 内向的孩子也可以外突出了父母不安。他可能觉得 his innie child’s slow-as-molasses-in-January pace keeps him from getting 他innie孩子的slow-as-molasses-in-January速度让他得到 things done. He may be uncomfortable with the innie’s in-depth curiosity 事情做好。他可能不舒服innie深入的好奇心 and the unnerving questions she asks. For innies will doggedly pursue 和令人不安的问题她问。innies将顽强地追求 questions outies don’t give a second thought to—questions that demand 形状不给第二个问题思考问题的需求 reflection, stir up uncomfortable feelings, or require research to learn. This 反射,激起不舒服的感受,或需要研究学习。这 can intimidate or annoy the outie parent: “Just get on with it, you don’t need 可以威胁或骚扰外父:“会接受它,你不需要吗 to know that. ” “Why can’t she just go with the flow? ” “We don’t have time 知道。”“为什么她就不能顺其自然?”“我们没有时间 to stop to read about that.” 停止阅读。” In their rush to get things done, many outie parents may not make time for 急于把事情做完,很多外父母不可能腾出时间 conversations with their children. They may communicate in chitchat that 与他们的孩子。他们可能在聊天交流 doesn’t give innies enough time to answer. The innie child ends up feeling 不给innies足够的时间来回答。innie孩子最终的感觉 that her parents aren’t interested in what she has to say. Outie parents are 她的父母她说的话不感兴趣。外的父母 usually energetic; they fly around, accomplishing things and having fun. 通常精力充沛;他们飞来飞去,完成的东西,很开心。 112 112年 They feel like good parents; their kids “do” a lot. But an innie can wilt on 他们觉得好父母,他们的孩子“做”了很多。但内凹枯萎 the vine when parents don’t adjust to her pace. 葡萄树当父母不适应她的步伐。 Outie parents may misunderstand their child’s need to process information 外父母可能误解了他们孩子的需要处理信息 before making a decision. “For heaven’s sake, just decide! ” Delayed 在做决定之前。“看在上帝的份上,就决定了!“延期 emotional reactions puzzle them, too. An innie’s slowness worries 情绪反应难题他们,太。内凹的缓慢的担忧 extroverted parents who equate speed with smarts. They may also feel 外向的父母速度与智慧等同起来。他们也可能感觉 insulted if the child doesn’t reveal her feelings: “Why didn’t you tell me you 侮辱,如果孩子不透露她的感情:“你为什么不告诉我你 didn’t have a good time at Jen’s? You never tell me anything.” 没有一个好的时间在珍的吗?你永远不会告诉我任何东西。” An outie parent may unknowingly intrude on his innie. He might barge into 外突出了父母可能在不知情的情况下侵犯他的innie。他可能会闯入 her room without knocking, or interrupt and start talking while the child is 她的房间不敲门,或中断而孩子开始学习说话 still trying to acclimate to his presence. Innies feel discombobulated when 仍在努力适应他的存在。Innies时感到惶惶不安 suddenly brought out of deep concentration. An outie parent can take it 突然拿出深浓度。外突出了父母可以把它 personally if he doesn’t understand his child’s hardwiring. Unless he 个人如果他不理解他的孩子的硬接线。除非他 understands the innie’s need for space and privacy, he may feel rejected or 理解innie需要空间和隐私,他可能觉得拒绝或 think the child doesn’t love him. 认为孩子不喜欢他。 Since innies don’t offer the same energy kick, sadly, some outie parents 因为innies不提供相同的能量,遗憾的是,一些外的父母 become less interested in their innie—and prefer outie kids. “Robbie is fun, 外突出innie-and喜欢孩子变得不那么感兴趣。“罗比很有趣, I like his spunk. ” “Peter is so slow, I start feeling like I’m dragging a bag of 我喜欢他的怒意。”“彼得是如此的缓慢,我开始感觉我拖着一袋 potatoes around behind me. All I say to him is, ‘Hurry up’ all day long.” 土豆在我身后。我对他说,快点。” There is a flip side. As Gaby’s mom puts it, “I think she is relieved because 有一个反面。正如戈比的妈妈所说,“我认为她是松了一口气,因为 I am friendly and can grease the social wheels for her. Our conversations 我对她友好可以润滑社会车轮。我们的谈话 flow best when we do something like take a walk, eat together, go for a 流最好当我们做类似散步,一起吃饭,去 drive, or work together in the garden. I can tolerate the pauses and silences 开车,或者在花园里一起工作。我可以容忍停顿和沉默 more easily.” 更容易。” Innie Parents with Outie and Innie Kids Innie外和Innie孩子的父母 Having children with differing temperaments can be quite a challenge, 生孩子不同的性格可能是一个相当大的挑战, especially for a single parent. You may feel constantly torn and unable to 尤其是对单亲。你可能会感到不断的撕裂,无法 meet your two (or more) children’s individual needs. It will be crucial to 满足您的两个(或更多)的孩子的个人需求。这将是至关重要的 find extroverted adults and friends for your outie child to spend extroverting 发现外向外突出成人和朋友对你的孩子花外向 time with. You will need to help your outie meet his need for 时间。你需要帮助你的外满足他的需要 out-in-the-world adventure. 世界上冒险。 You and your innie will likely interact with more ease. There’s no need to 你和你的innie可能会更轻松地进行交互。没有必要 feel guilty about this; you may have an easy spark of unspoken knowing 感到内疚,你可能有一个简单的火花不言而喻的了解 between you. Your outie may sense the difference and wonder why his 你们之间。外可能有意义,想知道为什么他的区别 sibling enjoys more rapport with you. He may feel you are withdrawn and 和你兄弟喜欢更融洽。他可能觉得你撤回 not very exciting. It’s important to discuss these temperament differences in 不是很令人兴奋。讨论这些气质的差异是很重要的 your family. 你的家人。 113 113年 Thirteen-year-old Alison, a left-brained outie, has a right-brained innie 十三岁的艾莉森,外突出一个左脑,右脑发达innie mother and younger sister. The sister and their father, also an innie but 母亲和妹妹。姐姐和他们的父亲,也内凹 left-brained like Alison, had a much easier time communicating about 左脑像艾莉森,容易沟通得多 upsetting conflicts in the family. Alison could also talk about how she 扰乱家庭冲突。艾莉森也可以谈论她 sometimes felt left out of the relationship between her mom and her sister. 有时觉得她的妈妈和她的妹妹之间的关系。 Luckily, her mother was fine with Alison talking out these frustrations with 幸运的是,她的母亲很好与艾莉森说这些挫折 her father. In order to help Alison find balance for her introverted home life, 她的父亲。为了帮助艾莉森找到平衡她内向的家庭生活, they arranged for her to join a soccer team and Girl Scout troop, and to go 他们安排了她加入足球队和女童子军,和去 on outings with her friends. She also spent time with an extroverted 和朋友出去郊游。她还把时间花在一个外向 grandparent. 祖父母。 Outie Parents with Innie and Outie Kids 外外突出Innie的父母和孩子 In a family with extroverted parents and kids with mixed temperaments, the 在一个家庭与混合性格,外向的家长和孩子 innie child may feel like the “odd kid out,” the one who is slower to get innie孩子可能觉得“古怪的孩子,”的人慢 going, who prefers to stay home, who needs peace and quiet to recharge. ,他们更喜欢呆在家里,需要安静来充电。 This can work out fine if the family is understanding and accepting of the 这就好,如果家庭是理解和接受的 innie’s needs. In fact, family members may come to rely upon the innie innie的需要。事实上,家庭成员可能会依赖innie sibling as an island of calm amid the general din of the household. Because 兄弟姐妹是一个平静的岛屿在一般家庭的喧嚣。因为 innies tend to be cooperative and invested in family harmony, they can innies往往是合作和投资于家庭和谐,他们可以 become the stealth family referee, listening, dispensing family wisdom, and 成为隐形家庭裁判,听,调剂家庭智慧, generally serving as the family compass. 通常作为家庭指南针。 However, if the family is less aware and accepting of differences, the innie 但是,如果家庭不太了解和接受差异,innie may feel isolated or overlooked. I have heard from numerous innies who 可能感到孤独或被忽视。我从众多innies谁听说过 grew up in outie families and felt excluded, pressured to be more 在外家庭长大,感觉排除在外,更多的压力 extroverted, or even ganged up on to the point where they became the 外向,甚至集中,他们成为了 family scapegoat. In general, innies try to accommodate other family 家庭的替罪羊。一般来说,innies试图容纳其他家庭 members, and this can leave them vulnerable to being teased or taken 成员,这可以让他们容易被嘲笑或拍摄 advantage of. Unfortunately, many of my innie clients were mistreated by 的优势。不幸的是,我的许多innie客户被虐待 siblings, and their parents did not intervene. 兄弟姐妹,和他们的父母不干预。 Parents set the tone for how kids are treated in a family. Don’t let more 父母为孩子们如何对待定下了基调。不要让更多的 aggressive siblings gang up on innies. Tap into your innie’s talents and let 积极innies兄弟姐妹联合起来。利用你的innie才华和让 her demonstrate them to her siblings. For example, invite your innie to tell 她展示她的兄弟姐妹。例如,邀请你的innie告诉 other family members about one of her hobbies. Point out her strengths to 其他家庭成员对她的一个爱好。指出她的长处 the other family members. “Boy, Samantha is a really good listener, isn’t 其他家庭成员。“孩子,萨曼莎是一个很好的倾听者,不是 she? ” “Did you notice the great idea Dakota came up with? ” Acknowledge 她吗?”“你有没有注意到达科他想出的好主意吗?“承认 and value that child’s contributions to the behind-the-scenes running of the 孩子的价值贡献的幕后运行 family. An innie can balance a family of outies, b 家庭。内凹形状可以平衡家庭,b ... 快樂当这么多不同种类的组合罗列在一起的时候， 平衡，就是很自然的一个取向和预设了
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快樂 (流畅感。) 楼主 2016-04-19 13:56:00
稍后的部分 谈到了父母之间的相处对孩子性格的影响
Differences Are Not Flaws 差异不是缺陷 When different temperaments coexist in the family, awareness and 当不同性格共存的家庭,和意识 flexibility are required. A child who differs from you may likely require you 灵活性是必需的。一个孩子可能不同于你可能需要你 to learn new skills and perhaps spend more energy parenting him. 学习新技能,也许花更多的精力抚养他。 Differences suggest counterbalanced strengths, and you can admire your 差异表明抵消的优势,你可以欣赏你的 child’s: “Zachary is so outgoing, and I was never that social,” or, “Rachael 孩子:“圣扎迦利非常外向,我从来没有,社会,”或者,“蕾切尔 can amuse herself with a book all day. I couldn’t sit still for ten minutes!” 可以娱乐自己整天和一本书。我不能静坐十分钟!” You can take the opportunity to learn from your child’s differences. If 你可以借此机会学习孩子的差异。如果 you’re an extrovert, for instance, see if you can tune out the world and focus 你是一个性格外向的人,例如,看看你能不能关掉世界和焦点 on making your private place in the house a true haven. 让你的私人房子真正的天堂。 Within a family, different temperaments lend balance, variety, and diverse 在一个家庭中,不同性情借贷平衡,品种和多样化 perspectives. I know that my extroverted husband can give me a nudge to 视角。我知道我性格外向的丈夫可以给我一个推动 get out and go places, just the way that I can (for a while, at least) get him to 走出去,去的地方,就像我可以(至少有一段时间,)让他 slow down. But differences can cause misunderstandings. Introverted 慢下来。但差异会引起误解。内向的 children can feel like fish out of water in a family of extroverts. Conversely, 孩子就像是离开水的鱼在一个外向的的家庭。相反, extroverted kids can be made to feel like noisy, superficial balls of energy in 外向的孩子能觉得吵,肤浅的能量球 a family of innies. “I always felt too loud and in the way,” says one innies的家庭。“我一直觉得声音太大的方式,”一个说 extrovert—now a comedian—who grew up in a family of introverts. extrovert-now内向的喜剧演员在一个家庭长大。 Modeling this level of understanding offers your children an enduring 建模这种级别的理解为你的孩子提供了一个持久的 legacy. 的遗产。 Parenting Challenges … by Temperament 育儿…的挑战气质 Parenting has its stumbling blocks no matter what your temperament. Here 育儿的绊脚石不管你的气质。在这里 are some specific hurdles that innies and outies face. 有一些特定的障碍,内外形状的脸。 Challenges for Introverted Parents 挑战内向父母 • Focusing on so many external things: children, a job, the house, etc. •关注很多外部因素:孩子,工作,房子,等等。 • Constantly bumping up against that energy limit 经常遇到•能量限制 • Situations when you’re responsible for multiple children •情况下当你负责多个孩子 • Feeling that you are not doing enough for the family •感觉你做得不够养家 • Not having enough time to think things through •没有足够的时间把事情想清楚 • Feeling on the spot when asked for decisions •感觉时当场要求决定 • Focusing so much emotional and cognitive energy outward that there’s not •集中这么多能源外,没有情感和认知 enough for your own interests 足够的为自己的利益 115 115年 • Understanding highly extroverted kids •理解高度外向的孩子 • Being around extremely chatty kids for long periods of time •非常健谈的孩子长时间在一起 Challenges for Extroverted Parents 外向的父母面临的挑战 • Feeling isolated at home with children •隔离在家里有孩子的感觉 • Needing to let go of external rewards that drive many outies •需要放弃许多形状的外部奖励 • Worrying that your kids don’t have enough friends or activities •担心你的孩子们没有足够的朋友或活动 • Overdoing it—saying yes to too many outside demands •过分,说是的外太多的要求 • Giving more attention to outsiders than to your own family •给外人比更多的关注自己的家庭 • Staying quiet and listening when children are speaking •保持安静,听当孩子们说 • Understanding introverted children’s needs for downtime to recharge •理解内向的儿童需要停机时间充电 The Key Word Is Enjoy 关键是享受 “Laughter is the fireworks of the soul. ” —Josh Billings “笑是灵魂的烟花。“josh Billings Individuality brings spice to the life of a family. Every member of your 个性为家庭的生活带来了情趣。你的每个成员 family came wrapped in a package—just like the presents we open on 家庭是包装在包装像我们打开礼物 holidays—and each has hidden gifts waiting to be discovered. In large part, 节日快乐,每个人都有隐藏的礼物等着被发现。在很大程度上, children learn about themselves from how their families treat them. Many 对自己孩子学习从他们的家庭如何对待他们。许多 families attempt to build their identity by saying, “We are all alike. ” But no 家庭试图建立自己的身份,说,“我们都是一样的。“但没有 family is made up of members who are completely alike. And trying to 家庭的成员是完全一样的。并试图 institute an ideal of conformity doesn’t promote healthy individual 研究所整合并不促进健康个体的理想 development. It’s important to recognize each member’s unique talents and 发展。重要的是要承认每个成员的独特的天赋和 what each has to offer. 每个。 One of the best ways to do things is through fun. Laughter and good times 做事情最好的方法之一是通过乐趣。欢笑和美好时光 bring families together and teach innies the rewards of relating. They also 把家人聚在一起,教innies有关的奖励。他们还 create a storehouse of positive, warm memories from which to draw. Try to 创建一个积极的仓库,温暖的记忆的画。试着 plan outings or activities that your innie will enjoy. Innies enjoy places we 计划出游或innie会享受的活动。Innies享受我们 often think of as for adults, such as quiet parks, gardens, and nature 通常认为的成年人,如安静的公园、花园和自然 sanctuaries. Innies love to hear about their family genealogy; they like to 保护区。Innies爱听到家人家谱;他们喜欢 visit a parent’s childhood home, look at old family pictures, and visit 看望父母的童年时的家,看看旧的家庭照片,访问 cemeteries where their ancestors were buried. They enjoy small, less tiring, 墓地,他们的祖先被埋。他们喜欢小的,不累, and often quirky museums, like an old car or plane museum, their town’s 却又常常稀奇古怪的博物馆,像一个旧汽车或飞机博物馆,他们的城镇 historical museums, famous writers’ homes such as the writer Jack 历史博物馆,作家的家庭如著名作家杰克 London’s Wolf House (now old ruins). They might want to investigate 伦敦的狼的房子(现在的古老遗迹)。他们可能想要调查 116 116年 historical places such as a stagecoach museum, ride a canal boat, watch 历史一辆公共马车博物馆等地,骑运河船,手表 cranes and bulldozers at work, or go to an adult art museum and visit one 起重机和推土机在工作,或者去一个成人艺术博物馆和访问 exhibit—especially if it has audio tapes that tell about the artist. exhibit-especially如果录音带,告诉的艺术家。 And sometimes they’ll want to stay home when the whole family goes on an 有时他们会想呆在家里当全家在一个 outing. That’s okay, too. 郊游。也没关系。 Simple Pleasures 简单的快乐 Here are some things I’ve enjoyed doing with my family. See if they spark 这里有一些事情我喜欢做与我的家人。看看他们的火花 some ideas for you and your family. 一些想法对你和你的家人。 • Taking a bag of pennies to a fountain or pond and giving each person a •采取一袋硬币喷泉或池塘,给每个人一个 few to wish on. Have your kids share pennies with any other children who 一些希望。让你的孩子与其他孩子分享便士 happen to be there. 碰巧在那里。 • Feeding ducks, birds, or (if there’s a farm nearby) goats. •喂养鸭子,鸟类,或(如果附近有一个农场)山羊。 • Taking a walk around the block and having each person point out what •在街区散步,让每个人指出 they like best about different yards and houses. You might not have known 他们最喜欢的不同的码和房屋。你可能不知道 you had such varied tastes! 你有这样的不同的口味! • Collecting leaves, pods, and twigs and decorating the dinner table for a •收集树叶、豆荚和树枝和装饰的餐桌 festive meal. 节日餐。 • Going fishing. Each child can document the trip with a disposable camera. •去钓鱼。每个孩子可以用一次性相机记录旅行。 • Creating a family fun night and making a collage that describes the outing. •创建一个家庭欢乐的夜晚和拼贴,描述了郊游。 • Letting each child be in charge of planning and (if old enough) cooking, or •让每一个孩子负责规划和烹饪(如果足够大),或 helping to cook, dinner once a week. 帮助做饭,晚餐一周一次。 • Making papier-mâché masks of one another. We decorate them and hang •使纸型的面具。我们装饰,挂 them in the hallway or along the staircase wall. 他们在走廊或沿着楼梯墙。 I have introverted clients now in their fifties and sixties who remember 我有内向客户现在在五六十年代谁还记得 cooking with a grandparent, making crafts with their mom, or learning to 烹饪与祖父母,使工艺与他们的母亲,或者学习 knit from an aunt. These small moments mean a lot to innies—although you 针织的阿姨。这些小时刻innies-although你意味着很多 may not know it for years! Pack every child’s memory bank with fun times, 可能不知道它多年来!包装每个孩子的记忆与有趣的时期,银行 a spirit of cooperation, and a sense of belonging on the family team. Innies 合作精神和家庭团队归属感。Innies will wear your family identity like a badge of pride. 穿你的家庭身份像骄傲的象征。 Make Everyone Count 让每个人都数 “Cooperation is spelled with two letters. WE. ” —George M. Verity “合作与两个字母拼写。我们。”——m .真实性 117 117年 Innies like to be appreciated and needed. If they’re not treated harshly, they Innies喜欢被欣赏和需要。如果他们不严厉地对待他们 tend to be naturally cooperative—most of the time, of course. Encourage 往往是自然cooperative-most时间,当然可以。鼓励 each member’s contribution to the family. Ask for your children’s opinions 每个成员对家庭的贡献。征求孩子的意见 and ideas, and come up with age-appropriate ways for them to help out. All 和思想,提出了适合孩子年龄的方式让他们帮忙。所有 kids love to do real jobs; it makes them feel grown-up. Ask your two- or 孩子喜欢做实际工作,这让他们觉得大人。问你两个,或者 three-year-old innie to empty the clothes dryer, give the cat dry food, or dust 三岁innie空干衣机,给猫干粮,或灰尘 the tables with a dust cloth or feather duster. Two-year-old Emily had the 表用防尘布或鸡毛掸子。两岁的艾米丽了 biggest smile on her face I had ever seen as she staggered in one Sunday 我见过最大的微笑在她脸上,她在一个星期天的交错 morning lugging the newspaper, which was about as big as she was. 早上拖着报纸,这是和她一样大。 Contributing to the family tells your child, “You are capable. You can 导致了家庭对你的孩子说,“你有能力。你可以 contribute. We need you.” 贡献。我们需要你。” Our grandson, age eight, enjoys the suds-and-warm-water-play of washing a 我们的孙子,8岁,喜欢suds-and-warm-water-play洗的 few dishes. He was annoyed with us once recently when he came over to 几个菜。他对我们最近一次当他过来 visit and we hadn’t left the dirty dishes for him to do! 访问,我们没有留下他做的脏盘子! Ways for Innies to Help Out 方法对Innies帮忙 Give a preschooler a job around the house: dusting, tearing lettuce for 给学龄前儿童工作在房子周围:除尘,将生菜 salad, throwing away trash, setting the table, and washing spoons. 沙拉,扔掉垃圾,设置表,和洗勺子。 Have school-aged innies help with more advanced chores: cooking, 有学龄innies帮助更高级的家务:烹饪, folding, and delivering laundry, gathering dirty clothes, taking sheets off the 折叠,提供洗衣,收集脏衣服,床单了 bed, and making their own lunches. Acknowledge a good job (it doesn’t 床上,使自己的午餐。(它不承认一个好工作 need to be perfect) and make an effort to ensure the experience is pleasant 需要完善),努力确保体验是愉快的 and cooperative. (You wash, and I’ll dry; you stack the dishes, and I’ll put 和合作。(你洗,我会干;你堆栈的菜,和我把 them away.) Be sure your innie has a say in some of the chores selected for 他们离开)。确保你的innie说选择的一些琐事 her, and change chores every few months. 她,改变家务每隔几个月。 Discuss with your child a problem you are having and ask for 和你的孩子讨论一个问题你有和要求 suggestions: Innies of all ages reflect on their experiences. They are gifted 建议:所有年龄段的Innies反思他们的经验。他们是有天赋的 observers and insightful problem solvers. They can imagine impending 观察员和洞察力的问题解决者。他们可以想象即将到来 situations and replay their past experiences. But an innie’s insights can 情况和重放他们过去的经验。但内凹的见解 remain buried underground unless someone asks for his reflections. He 还深埋地下,除非有人问他的倒影。他 won’t even know he has this valuable advantage! Ask him for his thoughts 甚至不知道他有这宝贵的优势!问他的想法 and suggestions about daily family problems. 对日常家庭问题和建议。 Start asking him early. One of my clients asked her six-year-old son, Leo, if 早点开始问他。我的一个客户问她六岁的儿子,狮子座,如果 he had any secrets for easing a nervous tummy before talking in front of a 他任何秘密对于减轻紧张肚子之前说的 group. Leo said, “Well, I can lend you my worry stone. You tuck it in your 组。利奥说,“好吧,我可以借给你我担心石头。你把它塞进去 pocket. Anytime you start to feel butterflies in your tummy, you rub the 口袋里。当你开始感觉蝴蝶在你的肚子,你擦 smooth coolness. It really helps. ” Leo’s mom had no idea he was using this 光滑凉爽。它确实有帮助。“里奥的妈妈不知道他使用这个 trick when he had to speak in front of his class! Remember to give your 技巧当他在全班面前说话!记得给你的 innie time to think about the problem. Acknowledge any idea he gives you innie时间来思考这个问题。他承认任何想法给你 118 118年 (even if you don’t use it). “Thanks, I think the worry stone will help me, and (即使你不使用它)。“谢谢,我认为担心石头会帮助我, I’ll think of you.” 我会想你的。” Discuss with your child a problem that another child is having and ask 和你的孩子讨论一个问题,另一个孩子,问 for suggestions: I often ask introverted children and teens I work with about 建议:我经常问我内向的儿童和青少年一起工作 problems they have had, or a problem they still struggle with. I ask what 他们有问题,或他们仍然纠结于一个问题。我问什么 they think I should suggest to other kids or parents who are having a similar 他们认为我应该告诉其他孩子或父母有一个类似的 problem. For instance, I’ll say, “Devon is seven and he doesn’t talk much. 问题。例如,我会说,“德文郡是七个,他不说话。 Any ideas about what might help him? ” “I had that problem when I was 有什么想法可以帮助他吗?”“我有问题的时候 young,” says twelve-year-old Jon. “My dad and I started walking around the 说:“年轻12岁的乔恩。“我的爸爸和我开始走动 block and talking every other night. The walking seemed to help me talk. I 每一天晚上块和说话。走路似乎帮我说话。我 talk much easier now. ” Jon pauses to think and continues: “Another thing 现在说话容易多了。“乔恩停顿思考和继续说:“另一件事 that helped me when I was younger was the ‘Penny for Your Thoughts Bank’ 帮助我我年轻时是“告诉我你在想什么银行” my mom made for me. I jotted down an important thought, idea, or question 我妈妈为我。我草草记下一个重要思想、想法或问题 and slipped it into the bank. Later when mom and I talked I could fish one 塞进了银行。后,妈妈和我说我可以鱼 out for discussion. That way I didn’t lose my thoughts and Mom gave me 讨论。这样我没有失去我的想法和妈妈给了我 pennies for my wishing bank. ” “Thanks, Jon,” I say. “I am going to share 便士为我祝福。”“谢谢你,乔,”我说。“我要分享 your ideas with Devon.” 你的想法与德文郡。” I asked seventeen-year-old Trisha for some teen dating advice: “Sharat 我问17岁的特丽莎对一些青少年约会建议:“Sharat wants to go to the prom but she doesn’t have a date, and she doesn’t want to 想去参加舞会,但她没有约会,她不想 go with a big group. Any ideas? ” “Well,” Trisha said, “I helped on the prom 和一个大组。什么好主意吗?”“嗯,”特丽莎说:“我帮助在舞会上 refreshment committee and by the time the prom rolled around, I knew so 点心委员会和周围的舞会滚的时候,我知道 many kids I felt okay going alone. We took turns manning the goody table. 许多孩子我感觉好孤单。我们轮流曼宁古蒂表。 It was fun to be in a group, but I wasn’t tied down. We could leave after our 很有趣的一个群体,但我不绑住。我们可以离开我们 half-hour shift. We all hung together though. I know girls who ask their best 半小时的转变。虽然我们都挂在一起。我知道女孩问他们最好的 friends to go to the prom. One of my friends asked her friend’s brother, who 朋友去舞会。我的一个朋友问她的朋友的弟弟,谁 was a quiet college guy. He hadn’t gone to his own prom and so he had fun 大学是一个安静的人。他没有去自己的舞会,所以他的乐趣 going to hers. ” “Thanks,” I said. “Those are good ideas, I’ll pass them on.” 要她的。“谢谢,”我说。“这些都是好主意,我将通过他们。” Share Your Life Stories 分享你的生活的故事 “Plant magic in a child’s mind. ” —Thomas W. Phelan “植物魔法在孩子的脑海中。”——w·费兰 We’ve explored the importance of conversation with your introverted child. 我们探索的重要性跟你内向的孩子。 But sometimes we forget the importance of talking to our children, of telling 但有时我们忘记跟我们的孩子的重要性,告诉 them our life stories, and sharing our opinions and thoughts. Here’s an 我们的生活故事,分享我们的观点和想法。这里有一个 example that shows how hungry an innie might be to learn more about 示例显示如何更多地了解饥饿的内凹 others’ inner lives. 别人的内心世界。 I have been working with twelve-year-old Jennifer for the better part of a 我已经使用一个12岁的珍妮弗 year. She always looks glum as she reluctantly enters my office and flops 的一年。她看起来总是闷闷不乐,不情愿地走进我的办公室,失败了 down in the glider chair, ignoring the art supplies laid out for her. She twists 滑翔机的椅子上,忽视了艺术用品给她了。她扭转 her long hair around her finger and occasionally peers up at me with 她的长发在她的手指,偶尔在我同行 119 119年 challenging eyes. She responds to every question I ask with “Yes,” “No,” 具有挑战性的眼睛。她对每一个问题我问“是的”,“不,” and her favorite, “I don’t know.” 和她最喜欢的,“我不知道。” Jennifer’s parents want her to be outgoing like her brothers and sister. 詹妮弗的父母希望她外向喜欢她的兄弟姐妹。 “She’s just lazy,” her mother tells me. “She doesn’t want to do anything.” “她只是懒惰,”她的母亲告诉我。“她不想做任何事。” The truth is that Jennifer, the only introvert in the family, is starving for 事实是,詹妮弗,内向的人在家里,只有挨饿 deeper interaction. Yet she is so defensive that it’s hard to get through to her. 更深层次的互动。然而,她是如此的防守,很难度过。 I buy preteen magazines and we talk about the pictures. I ask her what she 我买青春期前的杂志和我们谈论照片。我问她什么 likes, what she doesn’t like. I ask her to show me how to use my cell phone. 喜欢,她不喜欢。我问她向我展示如何使用我的手机。 She does a good job of teaching me (no small thing—I’m technically 她教学很好地我(没有小我技术上 impaired). She’s pleasant and cordial, but I still have the feeling that I’m 受损)。她愉快的和亲切的,但我仍有我的感觉 bumping against some wall. 在撞击墙。 One day I bring in a book of family history questions that people use to 有一天我把一本书的家族史,人们使用的问题 interview their relatives. I pick two questions to ask her, and she picks two 采访他们的亲戚。我选择两个问题问她,她选择两个 questions to ask me. She surprises me and picks “Did your grandparents tell 问题要问我。她让我惊讶,“你的祖父母告诉 you any family stories? ” So I talk. I tell her how my grandmother described 你家庭的故事吗?“所以我说话。我告诉她我的祖母如何描述 the choppy crossing on the Scandinavia from Denmark to the United States. 斯堪的纳维亚半岛上的波涛汹涌的路口从丹麦到美国。 She listens and asks more questions. Then she tells me that she enjoyed 她听,问更多的问题。然后她告诉我,她很喜欢 reading Laura Ingalls Wilder’s books when she was young. We are having a 通过阅读劳拉·英格尔·瓦德所著的书她年轻时。我们有一个 real conversation. Something has shifted between us. 真正的对话。我们之间发生了一些变化。 In trying to bring out a reticent innie, many parents make the mistake of 在努力推出一个应当说innie,许多家长错误的 assuming that it’s most important that she talk. They try to chip information 假设这是最重要的,她说。他们试图芯片信息 out of their child, as if with a pickax. But communication goes two ways. 的孩子,就像鹤嘴锄。但是沟通两个方面。 Often, introverted children need the opportunity to ask the other 通常,内向的孩子需要问其他的机会 person questions rather than be put on the spot. This offers a way out of her 人的问题,而不是把当场。这提供了一个从她的方式 mind and a way into other people’s experiences. For other peoples’ lives 思想和进入别人的经验。对别人的生活 interest her. And listening to another person’s story builds her confidence so 她的兴趣。听另一个人的故事建立她的信心 that she feels more comfortable talking. 说,她感觉更舒适。 Adult Anchors 成人锚 “The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands.” “关系的终极考验是分歧而不是握手。” —Alexandra Penney 亚历山德拉Penney A well-functioning family, like a well-planned garden, should conform to a 一个运作良好的家庭,就像一个精心策划的花园,应当符合 few basic design principles. One is that every garden has an anchor—a focal 一些基本设计原则。一是每一个花园都有一个锚定一个焦点 point that establishes harmony between all the various elements. Family 建立了各种元素之间的和谐。家庭 relationships follow similar psychological design rules. Countless studies 遵循相似的心理设计规则的关系。无数的研究 have shown that the parents’ relationship functions as an anchor for the 表明父母的关系函数作为一个锚吗 family, lending stability. 家庭,贷款稳定。 120 120年 The strength of the parents’ bond is the foundation for building all other 父母的键的强度是所有其他的基础建设 family relationships. Children learn about compatibility, caring behaviors, 家庭关系。孩子了解兼容性,关怀行为, mutual respect, and problem solving from the examples their parents have 相互尊重,从父母的例子和解决问题 set. Families today come in many configurations, but one fact holds true. It 集。今天的家庭有许多配置,但一个事实是正确的。它 isn’t who they are, it’s how parents treat each other that sets the stage for 不是他们是谁,它是父母如何对待彼此,奠定了基础 what their children learn about relating. All relationships have differences. It 他们的孩子了解有关。所有的关系都有差异。它 is the way those differences are handled that teaches children how to value 这些差异的处理方式,教孩子如何价值 family. 家庭。 Keep your adult relationship well nourished by planning date nights and 保持你的成人关系计划约会和滋养 child-free weekends and by going out with other couples. Appreciate small 没有周末和与其他夫妇。感谢小 moments you share together—remarking on a cute thing your child does, 时刻你分享together-remarking可爱的孩子, telling a joke you heard at work, or simply enjoying the fleeting moments 讲笑话你听过在工作,或者只是享受短暂的时刻 when you are actually alone. Remember that in long-term relationships we 当你独自一人。请记住,在我们长期的关系 like each other better on some days than on others. Handling disagreements 喜欢对方比别人更好的在一些天。处理分歧 with respect, humor, and openness is vital to a relationship. And you don’t 与尊重,幽默,和开放的关系是至关重要的。和你不 have to remove yourselves from the rest of the family in order to do it. 要把自己从家里的其他人来做。 Negotiating differences provides a great example for your children to learn 谈判差异为孩子学习提供了一个很好的例子 from. Innies are often wary of conflict. It helps them feel safe to see that 从。Innies常常担心冲突。它帮助他们感到安全, their parents can handle some friction and still enjoy each other’s company. 他们的父母可以处理一些摩擦和仍然享受彼此的陪伴。 A solid partnership creates a sturdy but flexible bridge that can span 坚实的合作伙伴创建了一个坚固的但灵活的桥梁,可以跨越 temperament differences. There’s room for all family variations. You and 气质差异。所有家庭的空间变化。你和 your partner will represent different points on the temperament continuum; 你的伴侣将代表不同的点连续的气质; even if you’re both innies or outies, you have different salient aspects to 即使你innies或形状,不同的突出方面 your personalities. Your introverted child, perhaps more than your other 你的个性。你的内向的孩子,可能比你的其他 kids, will notice how you and your partner behave. Innies watch how their 孩子,会注意到你和你的伴侣的行为。Innies观察他们 parents act around each other, and they notice subtle social cues. They will 父母就在彼此,他们注意到微妙的社会线索。他们将 internalize the relational skills they observe in the family. Later, they can 在家庭中内化关系技能观察。之后,他们可以 pack them up and take them along with them to use in their own social lives. 装起来,带他们一起使用在自己的社交生活。 It’s a great gift you can give them. 这是一个伟大的礼物你可以给他们。 A Special Family Issue: Adoption 一个特殊的家庭问题:采用 Nothing reveals more about the power of genetics than adoption. Children 没有什么比采用揭示更多关于遗传的力量。孩子们 who are adopted often have different temperaments from those in their new 人往往采用不同的性格与他们的新 family. For this reason, it’s important to pay special attention to your 家庭。出于这个原因,重要的是要特别注意你的 adopted child’s traits. Interestingly, it’s often easier for adoptive parents to 收养孩子的特征。有趣的是,通常更容易,因为养父母 appreciate different temperaments. Biological parents of introverted children 欣赏不同的性情。内向的孩子的亲生父母 may feel shame or guilt about their children’s inward nature. Adoptive 可能对孩子的内心感到惭愧和内疚。收养 parents usually don’t feel responsible for temperament. One extroverted 父母通常感觉不负责气质。一个外向 mom I worked with said to me, “If Dan had been my biological child I 妈妈与我一起工作对我说,“如果丹是我的亲生孩子 would have felt it was my fault he is so quiet, but since he’s adopted I feel 会觉得是我的错,他是如此的安静,但自从他领养的我感觉吗 like it’s his natural personality. My biological daughter is very outgoing.” 像他的自然人格。我的亲生女儿很外向。” 121 121年 In a study of identical twins raised apart, researchers found that one child 在同卵双胞胎分开长大的一项研究中,研究人员发现,一个孩子 was raised in a family of professors and that she was a voracious reader. 在一个家庭长大的教授,她是一个贪婪的读者。 When they located her twin sister, they found that she was a constant reader, 当他们找到了她的孪生妹妹,他们发现,她是一个恒定的读者, too. The surprise was that she was raised in a family with little interest in 了。令人吃惊的是,她生长在一个家庭不感兴趣 reading. Yet in grade school, of her own volition, she took three buses to get 阅读。然而在小学,自己的意志,让她带了三辆公共汽车 to her town’s main library. 她的城市的主要图书馆。 Some children are adopted by parents who had a particular vision of the 一些孩子正通过父母的特定视觉 child who would fill what they perceived as a hole in their family. Such 孩子会填补他们视为一个洞在他们的家庭。这样的 parents may feel disappointment in a child who is temperamentally different 父母会感到失望。孩子在气质上不同 from what they had expected. Pay attention for clues to your child’s interests 从他们的预期。注意对孩子的利益的线索 and inborn talents. 和天赋。 Energy mismatches are common in adoptive families. Innie parents can also 能量不匹配在领养家庭很普遍。Innie家长还可以 be quite shocked by an extroverted child’s outgoing personality and energy 很震惊一个外向的孩子即将离任的个性和活力 level. Pair them up with energetic friends or relatives who love being on the 的水平。他们与精力充沛的朋友或亲人的爱 go. One skiing family I know adopted an indoor-loving child. They now let 走了。我认识的一个滑雪的家庭收养一个indoor-loving的孩子。他们现在让 him enjoy cozy weekends with his grandparents when they head for the 他喜欢舒适的周末的时和他的祖父母 mountains. 山脉。
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快樂 (流畅感。) 楼主 2016-04-19 15:42:23
说兄弟姐妹间如何相处的， 在中国更多的是和邻居家的小朋友玩 这就涉及两个、多个家庭了 就更加不容易了 所以更经常的是：找相同气质的小朋友玩、尽量避免相差悬殊的玩
Encourage Understanding, Establish Boundaries, and Dampen Rivalry 鼓励理解,建立边界,并抑制竞争 “If a plant is to unfold its specific nature to the full, it must first be able to “如果植物充分展现其具体性质,它必须首先能够 grow in the soil in which it is planted. ” —Carl Jung 生长在土壤中种植。“卡尔·荣格 Sibling relationships are in many ways a microcosm of the social world. 兄弟姐妹关系在很多方面对社会的一个缩影。 Through them, innies learn to respond to the challenges of social 通过它们,innies学会应对挑战的社会 interactions—as well as to reap the rewards. Temperament-savvy parenting 交互获得回报。Temperament-savvy育儿 can help create an environment that makes room for differences, so the 可以帮助创造一个环境,使空间差异,所以呢 rewards outweigh the clashes. 回报大于冲突。 When Siblings Clash 当兄弟姐妹发生冲突 Most of us have the expectation—often in spite of our own experience—that 我们大多数人有expectation-often尽管我们自己的体验 brothers and sisters should naturally enjoy each other’s company. Research 兄弟姐妹应该自然地享受彼此的陪伴。研究 shows that often they don’t. Actually, only a small percentage of siblings 表明,他们不喜欢。实际上,只有一小部分兄弟姐妹 maintain close relationships into adulthood. This is due to many factors 保持密切关系到成年。这是由于很多因素 besides temperament, of course. But temperament does loom large and can 当然,除了气质。但是气质确实显得突出,可以 affect how siblings interact, how much they play together, their need for 影响兄弟姐妹如何交互,他们一起玩,他们的需要 personal space, and how they view one another. 个人空间,以及他们如何看待彼此。 Learning to see your kids through the lens of temperament will help you set 看到你的孩子通过学习气质将帮助您设置的镜头 realistic expectations—which will in turn enable you to be a more effective 现实的预期将使你成为一个更有效 referee. Help your kids understand and appreciate their temperaments by 裁判。帮助你的孩子理解和欣赏他们的性格 focusing on each child’s personal strengths. Try a playful approach: “Hi, 关注每个孩子的个人优势。尝试运用一种好玩的方法:“嗨, Nate. I’d like to introduce you to your sister, Judith. She loves horses and 内特。我想把你介绍给你的妹妹朱迪思。她喜欢马和 reading Junie B. Jones books. Judith, this is your brother Nate, and he loves 阅读琼丝琼斯的书籍。朱迪思,这是你弟弟内特,他喜欢 baseball and Superman. I wonder what you two could find to play for the 棒球和超人。我想知道你们两个能找到玩的 next hour that you both like. Maybe horses with capes would do the trick?” 一个小时,你都喜欢。也许马斗篷就可以做到吗?” I’m kidding about that introduction, but serious that it does help to adopt a 介绍我在开玩笑,但严重的,它有助于采取 neutral viewpoint. Don’t join the fray and become yet another fighting 中立观点。不参与竞争,成为另一个战斗 sibling. I see parents doing that all the time. Encourage kids to find common 兄弟姐妹。我看到父母这样做。鼓励孩子们找到共同之处 ground. The reality is, it’s usually not too far away. 地面。现实情况是,通常不会太远。 It is vitally important to teach an outie how to respectfully ask his innie 至关重要的教外突出了他innie恭敬地问 sister or brother for playtime. Remind your outie that innies are like 兄弟姐妹或游戏时间。提醒你的外innies deep-sea divers. They plunge into the depths of their mind, fascinated by the 深海潜水员。他们经济跌入深渊,着迷 watery world. They need a few minutes to come up, or else they’ll get the 水的世界。他们需要几分钟来,否则他们会得到 bends. They may need time to shift into a dual play mode. Teach your outie 弯曲。他们可能需要时间来转变成一个双模式。教你的外 124 124年 to ask, “Do you want to play in a few minutes? ” or, “After you finish your 问:“你想玩几分钟吗?”或者“你完成之后 homework, do you want to play catch? ” Help him see that he’s more likely 作业,你想玩抓吗?“帮他看到,他更有可能 to secure a playmate by slowing down to his sibling’s pace, as opposed to 安全的玩伴,他兄弟的速度放缓,而不是 rushing in and startling her. It also helps if outies, always full of lots of good 涌入,惊人的她。它还帮助如果形状,总是充满了很多好 ideas, occasionally learn to ask the innie sib for suggestions about what she 的想法,偶尔问innie sib的建议了解她 wants to play once in a while. Suggest that your outie invite his innie sibling 偶尔想玩。表明你的外邀请他innie兄弟姐妹 to teach him about her interests. Explain to outies that innies need to have 教他对她的兴趣。解释innies需要的形状 downtime and that setting a start and stop time can be useful. 停机时间,设置一个启动和停止时间可以是有用的。 Innies and outies have different tolerances for how long they can play 内外的形状有不同的公差可以玩多久 together. Innies often enjoy their differently wired sibling’s spontaneous, 在一起。Innies经常享受他们的不同连接的兄弟是自发的, energetic personality—in small doses. You may need to step in to be sure 精力充沛的王位继承人小剂量。可以肯定的是,您可能需要一步 that innies aren’t drained by too much sibling togetherness. I see parents innies不被太多的兄弟姐妹团聚。我看到父母 who expect their children to play together all the time—and then share a 他们希望他们的孩子一起玩所有的时间然后分享吗 bedroom, too! 卧室! Encourage your outie to blow off some steam, perhaps with some outdoor 鼓励你的外吹了,也许有一些户外 play or indoor Nerf ball tossing. Then help him learn to enjoy quiet time. 勒夫扔球或室内玩耍。然后帮助他学会享受安静的时间。 You can suggest that he read, listen to music, or do some artwork not too far 你可以建议他阅读,听音乐,或者做一些艺术品不太远 from the rest of the family’s activity. If alone in his room, he may want to 从家里的其他人的活动。如果独自一人在自己的房间里,他可能想要 keep the door open. Help him ease into enjoying time and space alone, 保持门开着。帮助他缓解独自享受时间和空间, perhaps starting with fifteen minutes every few days and increasing the time. 也许开始十五分钟每隔几天,增加时间。 This establishes a pattern so that he can enjoy alone time all his life. 这建立一个模式,这样,他就可以享受独处时间他所有的生活。 Remind your outie that innies need privacy. The outie should know that if 提醒你的外innies需要隐私。应该知道,如果外 his sister is deep into a fascinating book, project, or hobby, she may ignore 他妹妹是深入一个吸引人的书,项目,或者爱好,她可以忽略 her siblings. Help your outie learn not to take this personally. 她的兄弟姐妹。帮助你外学习不要把这个放在心上。 Make Use of Outie Skills 利用外技能 Explain to innies that outies get charged up around other people and 解释innies形状得到他人和周围充电 activities. Encourage innies to utilize their outie sibling’s snappy verbal 活动。鼓励innies利用外兄弟的时髦的语言 skills. If an innie is dealing with an obnoxious, teasing schoolmate, she can 技能。如果处理一个讨厌的内凹,戏弄同学,她可以 ask her outie sib for quick comebacks. The outie brother can help her test 问她外sib快速复出。外的兄弟可以帮她测试 out the retorts. Outies usually enjoy being the family scout. They like to be 出反驳道。形状通常享受家庭侦察。他们喜欢 the first to sit on Santa’s lap and thus can introduce innie sibs to new places, 第一个坐在圣诞老人的腿上,从而可以把innie妹妹介绍给新的地方, like a Halloween haunted house, or, in their teen years, act as the trailblazer 像一个万圣节鬼屋,或者在他们的青少年时期,作为开拓者 in all kinds of adventures. Outies also make good mouthpieces. They can 在各种各样的冒险。形状也使良好的喉舌。他们可以 speak up for their innie siblings occasionally, for instance when returning 为他们说话偶尔innie兄弟姐妹,例如当返回 something to a store or asking an adult for a favor. 一些商店或问一个成年人的青睐。 Invite your outie’s pals over; let the innie sibling decide if she wants to be 外突出邀请你的朋友结束,让innie兄弟决定她是否想要 included. Set aside time for outies to play alone so they can practice and 包括在内。留出时间形状独自玩,这样他们就可以和练习 expand their ability to enjoy solitude. Observe how the dynamics play out. 扩展他们的能力去享受孤独。观察动态。 125 125年 For example, two innies may need private shared playtime without outies 例如,两个innies可能需要私人共享游戏没有形状 being around. Generally, outies like to play in groups with louder 被周围。一般来说,形状像在团体更大 roughhousing. They often tease more. Parents need to help keep the volume 打闹嬉戏。他们经常取笑。父母需要帮助保持体积 at a moderate pitch so that innies aren’t overwhelmed and don’t withdraw or 在一个温和的球场,这样innies不会不知所措,不要撤回或 melt down. 熔化。 Establish Boundaries 建立边界 “Certain springs are tapped only when we are alone. ” —Anne Morrow “某些弹簧只有当我们独自一人时。”——安妮明天 Lindbergh 林德伯格 One of the gifts of having an innie in the family is that he can teach lessons 内凹的礼物之一,家庭是他可以教课程 about the need for respecting personal space. Innies may be compliant about 需要尊重个人空间。Innies可能是兼容的 many issues—but not about their territory. They want, even need, a 许多问题,但不是他们的领土。他们想要的,甚至需要一个 low-stimulation place that doesn’t gobble up their energy and where they low-stimulation地方并不吞噬他们的能源和他们 know where things are. 知道东西在哪里。 I am constantly shocked by the lack of boundaries in many families today. 我不断震惊缺乏边界今天许多家庭。 One innie client says, “Mom popped into my room whenever she wanted; 一innie客户说,“妈妈突然进我的房间时她想; she never knocked. I never could relax. ” In many families, children and 她从不敲门。我无法放松。“在许多家庭中,儿童和 adults aren’t expected to knock before entering another person’s bedroom. 成年人不敲门就进入另一个人的卧室。 Nor are they asked to be quiet if another child is studying. One of my innie 他们也要求保持安静,如果一个孩子正在研究。我的一个innie clients tells me about how many times her twin takes her shoes without 客户向我讲述了她的双胞胎需要多少次她的鞋子 asking. She is afraid to speak up since she wants to avoid causing 问。她不敢说出来,因为她想避免引起 trouble—but she hates it. Parents may laugh off such behavior, but it’s very 麻烦,而是她讨厌它。父母这样的行为可能会笑,但是它非常 important to know how an introverted child feels. If she feels she has no 重要的知道如何感觉的一个性格内向的孩子。如果她没有感觉 control over anything, she may become more passive or close down 控制什么,她可能变得更被动或关闭 completely. 完全。 Establishing family boundaries helps everyone feel safe. Make it clear that 建立家庭边界能帮助每个人感觉安全。说清楚, you expect everyone to respect others’ property and space by following 你希望每个人都能尊重他人的财产和空间遵循 rules like knocking before entering, borrowing only with permission, and 规则就像敲在进入之前,贷款只许可, not interrupting when others are working or studying. This in itself will 不打断别人是工作或学习。这本身就 curtail numerous sibling tussles; when kids have the security of family 减少许多兄弟姐妹角力;当孩子家庭的安全 boundaries, they have better relationships. Children will also learn to 边界,他们有更好的关系。孩子们也会学习 function better in the outside world. 在外部世界的功能更好。 Parents can set an example of how to safeguard an innie’s “space bubble” 父母可以设置的一个例子如何保障内凹的“太空泡沫” —the privacy he needs to process and recharge. Give him a sign to put on ——隐私他需要过程和充电。给他戴上一个标志 his door that reads, RECHARGING! or RETURNING TO PLANET EARTH 他的门,上面写着,充电!或返回地球 AT … with a clock to set for his “return” time. If he doesn’t have his own 在…一个时钟设置为他的“回归”。如果他没有他自己的 room, let him use your room at times, or find another cozy, secluded spot. If 房间,让他使用你的房间,或者另找一个舒适的,隐蔽的地方。如果 he is tired, stressed, or hungry he may need longer in his decompression 强调,他累了或饿了他在减压可能需要更长的时间 tank. If outies are always in his space and in his face, there will be trouble. 坦克。如果形状总是在他的空间,在他的脸上,会有麻烦。 126 126年 Make sure siblings understand temperament-based needs. Outies often feel 确保兄弟姐妹理解temperament-based需求。形状常常感到 frustrated by innie siblings who want to stay in their room. They can feel 受到innie兄弟姐妹谁想呆在他们的房间里。他们可以感觉到 hurt or rejected—angry that their own personal “live-in energy source” 伤害或rejected-angry自己的个人“同居能源” doesn’t want to hook up. Once they see this as a different physical need, it 不想钩。一旦他们认为这是一个不同的生理需要,它 reduces the tendency to take it personally. You can also explain that when 减少了倾向于把这些放在心上。你也可以解释,当 an innie feels more comfortable, she is more inclined to interact with outie 内凹的感觉更舒适,她更倾向于与外交流 siblings. 兄弟姐妹。 Rivalry and Its Discontents 竞争和它的不满 “The best way to raise a successful garden is by trowel and error.” “最好的方法来提高成功的花园是泥刀和错误。” —Anonymous 的时间 There are some thorny aspects of temperamental difference—competition, 有一些气质difference-competition的棘手的方面, dominance and submission, and jealousy—that are not often talked about. 统治与服从的,所以,不经常谈论。 We live in a dog-eat-dog culture where children are expected to be 我们生活在一个竞争激烈的文化,孩子们将 outwardly competitive. In certain instances, such as on the playing field, 表面上的竞争力。在某些情况下,比如在竞技场, competitiveness can be constructive. Sports can be a healthy way to redirect 竞争力可以建设性的。运动可以是一个健康的重定向的方式 aggression. But competitiveness as a global outlook sees other people as 侵略。但作为全球前景将别人视为竞争力 rivals. It divides people and promotes an attitude of “everyone for 竞争对手。它把人们和促进“每个人的态度 himself. ” Competition discourages what actually builds loving relationships, 他自己。“竞争阻碍了真正建立爱的关系, which is a sense that we are all in this life together. 这是一种感觉,我们都生活在一起。 I believe that healthy competition is 我相信,健康的竞争 always within oneself—not against others. With external competition, the 总是在自己不要对别人。与外部竞争, goal is to be the best or to win. As a motivator, it will always be 的目标是成为最好的或赢。为动力,它将永远是 discouraging, since there is always someone better than 沮丧,因为总是有人比 you. Internal competition, however, is within your control. It is directed 你。然而,内部竞争是在你的控制。这是导演 toward your own achievement; it provides encouragement because you are 对自己的成就;因为你是提供鼓励 challenging yourself to improve your own skills. This is achievable. A 挑战自己,提高自己的技能。这是可以实现的。一个 person—child or adult—can always learn and improve. Internal competition person-child或成人游客可以学习和提高。内部竞争 is built upon and promotes good self-esteem. 是建立在,促进良好的自尊。 Competition between siblings can be destructive. To some extent it is 兄弟姐妹之间的竞争可以是破坏性的。在某种程度上是这样 natural, but parents should not compare siblings or pit them against one 自然,但父母不应该比较兄弟姐妹或坑一个 another. If parents have a theoretical ideal child that everyone is trying to 另一个地方。如果父母有理论上的理想的孩子,每个人都在努力 become, every child will feel he is missing the mark. And if a child does 成为每一个孩子会觉得他是错过了马克。如果一个孩子 somehow get the idea that he is the best, he will feel intense pressure to 不知怎么的,他的想法是最好的,他会感到巨大的压力 maintain that position. This is very damaging to innies, who often drive 保持这个位置。这是非常损害innies,经常开车 themselves very hard. 自己很努力。 An innie should never be pushed to act like another child. Since introverts 内凹不应该表现得像一个孩子。因为内向的人 frequently internalize their problems, they often think they ought do better 经常内化他们的问题,他们常常认为他们应该做得更好 or be better than they are. They may already feel inferior because of the 或者比他们更好。他们可能已经自卑,因为 127 127年 pressure to act more like the extroverted norm. Adding more demands to 采取行动的压力更像外向常态。添加更多的要求 compete with siblings can be debilitating. Innies may give up or dig in their 与兄弟姐妹可以衰弱。Innies可能放弃或挖的 heels. Instead, point out each child’s strengths and don’t create expectations 高跟鞋。相反,指出每个孩子的优点,不要创建的期望 that all children should be the same. Encourage cooperation and the 所有的孩子都应该是相同的。鼓励合作, development of qualities vital to creating a satisfying adult life, including 至关重要的品质创造一个令人满意的成年生活,包括 generosity, helpfulness, sensitivity, humor, adaptability, and concern for 慷慨,乐于助人,灵敏度、幽默、适应性和关心 others. You have influence—maybe more than you think—with your 别人。你认为你influence-maybe超过 introverted children. Use it to acknowledge and nurture their innate 内向的孩子。用它来承认其先天与后天 advantages. 的优势。
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快樂 (流畅感。) 楼主 2016-04-19 15:50:44
作者也不相信兄弟姐妹们之间会象人们想象的那样相亲相爱 所以这里面说的也过于理想了 她认为可以在家庭这个小社会里 尽量不受伤害地学会与他人相处的技巧 而实际上， 这很大程度上要看这个家庭的统治者：父母 是如何看待和处理日常的纠纷的
Make the Most of Your Kids’ Strengths 充分利用孩子的长处 As bird, animal, and human studies on temperament show, extroverts tend to 鸟、动物和人类研究气质,性格外向的人往往 be more dominant and introverts tend to be more submissive. Extroverts 更占主导地位,内向的人往往更顺从。外向的人 fight more, and innies are more reluctant. Within the safety of the family, 战斗,innies更不情愿。在家庭的安全, kids of all temperaments can learn to value their strengths and soften their 所有性格的孩子可以学习他们的长处和软化价值 limitations. Left-brained extroverts, for example, tend to see the world as 的局限性。左脑外向,例如,倾向于看到的世界 right or wrong or black and white. We all know that few things are ever that 对或错或黑色和白色。我们都知道,一些事情永远 simple. Such children often become frustrated and blame others. However, 简单。这些孩子经常变得沮丧和责怪别人。然而, when all-or-nothing views are toned down into nuance grays and the child’s 当孤注一掷的观点是缓和了细微的灰和孩子的 aggression is well directed, this temperament can grow into fine leadership 侵略是导演,这种气质可以成长为好领导 skills. You can acknowledge positive uses of dominance, such as an 技能。你可以承认积极的使用优势,比如一个 extroverted child’s using his gifts to lead the pack. “James, you come up 外向的孩子用他的礼物包。“詹姆斯,你上来 with so many good ideas. I see why kids like to go along with you. I’m glad 这么多好主意。我明白为什么孩子们喜欢去与你一起。我很高兴 you lead them toward constructive activities.” 你带领他们走向建设性的活动。” The Dark Heart of Envy 黑暗的嫉妒之心 “Envy is a kind of praise. ” —John Gay “嫉妒是一种赞美。“镜头同性恋 Many innies feel that they should be outies and may envy an outie sibling 许多形状innies觉得他们应该和可能嫉妒外突出了兄弟姐妹 who has many friends and “seems to have everything so easy. ” An innie 有很多朋友和“似乎一切如此简单。“内凹 may sense that her parents and relatives prefer the outie. It’s helpful to tell 可以感觉到,她的父母和亲戚喜欢外。它是有用的 her that it’s normal to feel jealous of a sibling. Since outies are more 她兄弟的嫉妒是很正常的。因为形状更 outgoing, they may be easier for some friends and relatives to relate to. Tell 外向,他们可能更容易与一些朋友和亲戚。告诉 her that you can understand why she wishes things were easier—as it seems 她,你可以理解为什么她希望事情变得容易 with her sibling. Then remind her about what’s easier for her; innies may 和她的兄弟姐妹。然后提醒她什么容易;innies not see their own strong points. Discuss what is difficult for her sibling; that 看不见自己的长处。讨论什么是困难的为她的兄弟姐妹, her brother or sister struggles, too, may not be immediately apparent. You 她的兄弟或姐妹的斗争,可能不会立即明显。你 can also relate what you learned from your siblings or people you were close 也可以与你学到了什么从你的兄弟姐妹和你是亲密的人 to during childhood. Certainly you can empathize with these feelings. 在儿童时期。当然你可以同情这些感觉。 On the outie side, many are jealous that an innie sibling never seems to get 外,很多人嫉妒,内凹兄弟似乎永远不会得到 into trouble. I recently talked with an extroverted twelve-year-old. He thinks 带来麻烦。我最近和一个外向12岁。他认为 128 128年 his parents are unfair to him. I can see why he thinks so—he gets into more 他的父母对他是不公平的。我能明白为什么他认为他进入更多 trouble than his introverted sib. As we talked, I was able to point out where 比他的内向sib的麻烦。当我们交谈时,我指出的地方 he had choices about his behavior. There were instances when he made 他对他的行为选择。当他有实例 decisions that led him to break rules. If he didn’t want to get into trouble so 决定让他打破规则。如果他不想惹上麻烦 often, he could make other choices. This is the positive use of jealousy—it 通常,他可以做出其他的选择。这是jealousy-it的积极使用 can motivate us to make better decisions. 可以激励我们做出更好的决策。 Check in with yourself and make sure that you and your partner are showing 审视一下你自己,确保你和你的伴侣都显示 individual appreciation to each child in the family—the surest way to 个人欣赏每个孩子的家庭——最可靠的方法 minimize that envious green shine in the eyes. 最小化,嫉妒的绿色光芒的眼睛。 Temperament and Twins 气质和双胞胎 Twins don’t necessarily share temperaments. It’s natural to compare and 双胞胎性格并不一定份额。比较是很自然的 contrast twins, and tempting to make assumptions. But it’s important not to 对比双胞胎,容易做出假设。但重要的是不要 slot them into rigid roles. This tendency is exaggerated when parents force 槽成严格的角色。当父母强迫这种倾向被夸大了 twins to be together too much; becoming the opposite of one’s twin may 双胞胎在一起太多,相反成为双胞胎的可能 seem like the only way to feel like an individual. Or the family, without 似乎感觉到一个人的唯一方法。或家庭,没有 realizing it, encourages opposing traits. Twins are quickly labeled: Brianna 意识到这一点,鼓励对立的特征。双胞胎正在迅速贴上:布丽安娜 is the studious one, and Bethany is the live wire. 是好学的,和伯大尼是生龙活虎的。 Balance your responses to your twins to reduce the likelihood of each 平衡你的反应你的双胞胎的可能性减少 becoming an extreme. If a child is more introverted, don’t let his outie twin 成为一个极端。如果一个孩子比较内向,不要让外突出他的双胞胎 speak for him too often or overshadow him. Point out innie advantages. For 他经常或掩盖他说话。指出innie优势。为 example, “Boy, Jeremy, you really calmed Jake down. You’re good at that.” 示例中,“男孩,杰里米,你真的让杰克冷静下来。你擅长。” Twins shouldn’t always be together. Innie twins can become enmeshed or 双胞胎不应该总是在一起。Innie双胞胎可以成为沉浸或 too dependent on each other; they need to develop separate playmates, 过于依赖彼此,他们需要开发单独的玩伴, interests, and identities. Parents need to establish individual relationships 利益和身份。父母需要建立个人关系 with each twin. Take each out separately to run errands or have “just the two 每双。取出每个单独跑腿或者“就这两个 of us” dates. Help your innie branch out and develop her own preferences, 我们”的日期。帮助你innie拓展和发展自己的喜好, interests, and hobbies. 兴趣和爱好。 Acknowledge your innie’s quiet leadership skills. Most innies won’t show 承认你的innie安静的领导能力。大多数innies不会表演 their keen ability to influence others unless they have to, when nothing else 他们希望能够影响他人,除非他们,当什么都没有 is working. Studies show that innies, even in preschool, look for solutions to 是有效的。研究表明,innies,甚至在幼儿园,寻找解决方案 conflicts. Outies tend to argue to try to win conflicts. Point out your innie’s 冲突。形状往往认为试图赢得冲突。指出你的innie subtle talents. “Rebecca, I know you don’t like to speak up in groups, but I 微妙的人才。“丽贝卡,我知道你不喜欢说出来,团体,但我 noticed what you said when Zach and Sam were fighting. You thought of a 注意到你所说的扎克和山姆在战斗。你认为的 good way for each of them to get part of what they wanted. Good for you, 好方法让每个人得到他们想要的东西的一部分。对你有好处, your suggestion helped the whole group get back on track. ” Many innies 你的建议帮助整个团队回到正轨。“许多innies head up large companies—you just never hear about them! 头大公司不会听到他们! 129 129年 Bicker Busting 争吵破坏 “Differences are sources of strength for us—so long as they aren’t used “差异是我们力量的来源只要他们不习惯 against us. ” —Jean Baker Miller 反对我们。”米勒珍贝克 Remember that your introverted child relies on home for comfort. It is his 记住你的内向的孩子依靠回家安慰。这是他的 refueling station, his sanctuary. Promote harmony among siblings at home 加油,他圣所。促进和谐中兄弟姐妹在家里 by intervening early in conflicts. Too much tension is hard on all children, 通过早期干预冲突。在所有的孩子太多的紧张是很困难的, but especially on innies, who are highly sensitive to atmosphere. Even minor 尤其是在innies,高度敏感的气氛。即使是很小的 disputes, like what to have for dinner, can build up. Consider each child’s 纠纷,像吃饭,可以建立。考虑每个孩子的 preferences … and be sure to include your own once in a while: “Okay, Max. 偏好…和一定要包括自己的偶尔:“好,马克斯。 We’ll have pizza tonight. But tomorrow we’re having chicken. ” Innies will 今晚我们会有披萨。但是明天我们有鸡。“Innies将 feel included and encouraged rather than left out and unseen. And they learn 感觉包括和鼓励而不是冷落和看不见的。和他们学习 the important lesson that they can speak up and discuss their own wants and 重要的教训,他们会说,自己的希望和讨论 needs. 的需求。 All children feel safest when they know you are in charge and make the 所有的孩子感到安全的负责,让他们知道你 family rules. Innies, especially, feel most secure in a predictable family 家庭规则。Innies,尤其是在一个可预测的感觉最安全的家庭 setting where conflicts are handled in a reasonable and fair manner. The 设置在一个合理和公平的方式处理冲突。的 pursuit of harmony doesn’t mean that problems are swept under the carpet 追求和谐并不意味着问题被掩盖起来 or that irritations are expected to magically disappear. Nor does it suggest 或刺激将神奇地消失了。也不建议 you go to the other extreme and react harshly to sibling conflicts in order to 你去了另一个极端,兄弟姐妹之间的冲突以反应更加强烈 snuff them out. In general, outies require more rules and stricter 鼻烟。一般来说,形状需要更多的规则和严格 consequences than innies, since they are less inhibited. You can loosen the 比innies后果,因为它们是那么拘谨。你可以放松 reins a bit with innies as they may be permanently stymied by too many 缰绳和innies一点可能永久阻碍太多 rules and restrictions. Discuss these differences so that outies don’t feel 规则和限制。这形状不觉得讨论这些差异 picked on. 选上。 Innies, adaptable and conflict-avoidant, may be reluctant to stand up for 适应力强、conflict-avoidant Innies,可能不愿站起来 themselves. Frankly, it takes too much effort for them. If you see your innie 他们自己。坦率地说,他们需要太多的努力。如果你看到你的innie standing his ground, acknowledge it. “Matt, I liked the way you said no 站在自己的立场,承认它。“马特,我喜欢你说不的方式 when Julie wanted you to give her your candy. Good for you! ” There are, 当朱莉想让你给她你的糖果。对你有好处!“有, however, times to step in. If your innie has a bossy brother or sister, he 然而,乘以介入。如果你innie专横的兄弟或姐妹,他 might just go along with them: “Oh, it’s okay. I don’t mind watching the Mr. 可能只是附和:“哦,没关系。我不介意看先生。 Magoo movie again. ” It’s up to parents to encourage fair play and say, “I 脱线的电影了。“这是家长鼓励公平竞争和说,“我 notice that Peter usually goes along with your movie choices, so this time it 注意到彼得通常与你的电影的选择,所以这一次 is his turn. ” “Today it’s Brett’s turn to pick the movie, and from now on take 是他的。”“今天轮到布雷特选电影,,从现在开始 turns choosing. ” In this way, innies know they have backing should they 选择。“通过这种方式,innies知道他们应该支持他们 decide to expend the extra fuel it requires and speak up and hold their own. 决定需要消耗额外的燃料,并持有自己的说话。 And more dominant siblings will learn an important lesson about listening to 和更多的占主导地位的兄弟姐妹将学习关于倾听的重要一课 others, compromising, and negotiating. 其他人,妥协和谈判。 It may at times frustrate innies to have to negotiate space and energy with 它可能有时阻挠innies谈判空间和能源 their brothers and sisters. But children that learn to work out differences 他们的兄弟姐妹。但是孩子学会解决差异 130 130年 with their siblings will bring those skills to relationships throughout their 与他们的兄弟姐妹将这些技能,在他们的关系 lives. 的生活。
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快樂 (流畅感。) 楼主 2016-04-19 16:04:55
和大家庭的其他成员的交往也很重要 和爷爷奶奶、姥姥姥爷、叔叔姑姑、姨等等
Cultivate Close Relationships with Grandparents, Other Family 培养与祖父母关系密切,其他家庭 Members, Friends, and Caregivers 成员,朋友和护理人员 “If you have knowledge, let others light their candles at it. ” —Margaret “如果你有知识,让别人点燃蜡烛。“玛格丽特 Fuller 富勒 Close bonds with extended family members are enriching for all 与大家庭成员丰富的亲密关系 children—and especially for innies, who are family-oriented and invest in 孩子们尤其是innies,以家庭为中心的,投资 enduring relationships. Strong relationships with grandparents, uncles and 持久的关系。良好的人际关系与爷爷奶奶,或者叔叔 aunts, godparents, and parents’ close friends can provide no-strings-attached 阿姨,教父母,父母的亲密的朋友可以提供无附加条件的 love, a sense of place, a feeling of family connection, and windows into 爱,某种意义上的地方,一个家庭联系的感觉,和windows other times and worlds. In his classic child-rearing book Touchpoints, T. 其他时间和世界。在他的经典育儿书接触点,T。 Berry Brazelton, M.D. , argues that children pay a terrible price for the loss 贝瑞Brazelton,医学博士认为,孩子付出可怕的代价 of intergenerational connection. He recommends treasuring the continuity 两代人之间的连接。他建议珍惜的连续性 and family tradition that extended family affords. Introverted children can 和大家庭提供的家庭传统。内向的孩子 grow up feeling unseen, and many feel like outsiders in today’s in-your-face 长大后看不见的感觉,许多在今天的放肆的感觉是外人 culture. 文化。 It needn’t be this way. A good relationship with special relatives or friends 它不必是这种方式。一个良好的关系和特殊的亲戚或朋友 can assure your child that she matters. These figures can provide mooring as 可以告诉你的孩子,她很重要。这些数据可以提供系泊 children grow up and are tossed about by the challenges of life. They can 孩子长大后,扔的生活的挑战。他们可以 convey family lore, help to broaden a child’s view of her parents, and 传达家庭知识,有助于扩大一个孩子对父母的看法,和 demonstrate that there isn’t just one way to be but rather many ways of 证明不只是一种存在,而是很多方面的 being. 的存在。 The Gift of Grandparents (and Other Special Adults) 爷爷奶奶的礼物(和其他特殊的成年人) “To everything there is a season. ” —Ecclesiastes 3:1 “万物皆有时节。“传道书3:1 131 131年 Several years ago, I interviewed thirty introverted adults about their 几年前,我采访了三十个内向的成年人对他们的 relationships with their grandparents. What quickly became obvious was 与他们的祖父母的关系。什么是显而易见的 that innies drew on these relationships, whether good or bad, to widen their innies利用这些关系,不管是好是坏,拓宽 worlds. As we’ve seen, research shows that introverted children appreciate 世界。正如我们所看到的,研究显示,性格内向的孩子们欣赏 differences. Most people I interviewed learned from and valued the 的差异。我采访的大多数人从和重视 possibilities reflected in their grandparents’ tastes, interests, and styles of 可能反映在他们的祖父母的品味、兴趣、和风格 interacting. For example, Marcia, an artist I interviewed, told me, 相互作用的。例如,玛西娅,我采访了一个艺术家,告诉我, “My grandmother raised and loved red cabbage roses. She decorated her “我的祖母和爱红球甘蓝玫瑰。她装饰 whole house with them, right down to the floor covering. I loved them, too. 整个房子,一直到地板。我也爱他们。 On hot days I used to lie on her cool linoleum floor in the sunroom. It had 天热时我曾经躺在她酷油毡地板在日光浴室。它有 gigantic candy-pink and apple-red cabbage roses spreading across the 巨大的粉色和苹果红卷心菜玫瑰蔓延 shimmery blue background. No one else in my family loved their plush 闪烁的蓝色背景。没有人在我的家人爱他们的豪华 petals like my granny and I did. My brother and sister teased me for wanting 花瓣像我和我的奶奶一样。我弟弟和妹妹想要嘲笑我 my whole room decorated in a lush rose theme.” 我整个房间装饰在郁郁葱葱的玫瑰主题。” This connection was very meaningful to Marcia. She felt different from 玛西娅这个连接是很有意义的。她觉得不同 others in her family, and her grandmother gave her permission to be herself. 别人在她的家庭,她自己和她的祖母给她权限。 Today she is the only artist in her family, and, indeed, her warm home is 今天,她是唯一的艺术家在她的家人,而且,事实上,她的温暖的家 festooned with red and pink cabbage rose blossoms. 挂满红色和粉色卷心菜玫瑰花朵。 Innies find the rich tapestries of their elders’ worlds fascinating. At their Innies找到富人挂毯长老的世界令人着迷。在他们的 best, grandparents* offer them family history, hobbies, unique interests, 最好,祖父母*为他们提供家庭历史,爱好,独特的利益, playful attitudes, and learning experiences. Innies are little sponges looking 好玩的态度,学习经验。Innies是小海绵 for all sorts of information to absorb. They recognize the value of a 各种各样的信息吸收。他们认识到的价值 grandparent’s history, wisdom, and knowledge. For grandparents of any 祖父母的历史、智慧和知识。祖父母的任何 temperament, sharing themselves and their gifts with their grandchildren 气质,与孙辈分享他们自己和他们的礼物 gives them an opportunity to remain young at heart. They can appreciate and 给他们一个机会保持年轻的心。他们可以欣赏和 evolve new aspects of their personalities through seeing themselves, via 通过看到自己,发展他们的个性的新的方面 their grandchildren, with a fresh lens. 他们的孙辈,新鲜的镜头。 Introverted and extroverted grandparents have different strong points and 内向和外向的祖父母有不同的强项和 offer their grandkids different growing experiences. Let’s take a look at 提供他们的孙子不同成长经历。让我们看一看 those differences. 这些差异。 Innie Grandparents—Breathing-Room Relatives Innie Grandparents-Breathing-Room亲戚 “What matters most is what we learn from living. ” —Doris Lessing “最重要的是我们从生活中学习。“多丽丝莱辛 Innie grandparents provide breathing space in the life of an introverted child. Innie祖父母提供喘息空间的一个性格内向的孩子。 Older relatives can often afford to be patient. They are frequently in the 年长的亲戚经常能请耐心等待。他们是经常的 position to do what many busy parents don’t have time to do—they can, as 能够做许多忙碌的家长没有时间——它们可以 teens say, “chill. ” This can be a life-saver for innies, as well as good practice 青少年说,“寒意。“这可能是一个生机innies,以及良好的实践 for outies. A grandparent’s companionship can be a sanctuary for 形状。祖父母的陪伴可以作为避难所 132 132年 introverted children: They enjoy a slower pace, they value the smaller joys 内向的孩子们:他们享受慢节奏,价值较小的乐趣 of life, and are generally gentle and understanding. Innie grandparents may 的生活,通常是温柔和理解。Innie祖父母可能 not realize what good role models they can be. 没有意识到他们可以什么好的榜样。 Ask your child’s innie grandparent to share an interest, hobby, or anything 问孩子的innie祖父母分享兴趣、爱好,或任何东西 he enjoys with your child. Growing up, one of my daughters enjoyed 他喜欢和你的孩子。成长的过程中,我的一个女儿 gardening with my husband’s parents. As they weeded and watered, they 园艺和我丈夫的父母。当他们除草、浇水,他们 told stories and discussed the issues they were facing. If your parents don’t 讲故事和讨论他们面临的问题。如果你的父母不喜欢 have an obvious hobby to share with your child, you can start things off by 有一个明显的爱好与你的孩子分享,你可以开始做事了吗 telling your parents about a few of your child’s interests. “Addy loves 告诉你的父母关于孩子的一些利益。“阿迪爱 mermaids. Do you think you could take her to the library to find some 美人鱼。你可以带她去图书馆找一些吗 stories about mermaids? She would love it.” 美人鱼的故事吗?她会喜欢它。” Introverted grandparents can provide a wonderful open dreaming space 内向的祖父母可以提供一个美妙的开放的梦想空间 where innies can play with their imaginations. innies可以玩他们的想象力。 Recently, our innie grandson and I were eating lunch and musing about 最近,我们innie孙子和我吃午餐和考虑 where the tooth fairy lives. Christopher had just lost his second front tooth, 牙仙子住在哪里。克里斯托弗刚刚失去了他的第二个前牙, and the topic was very much on his mind. We decided that she lives in Fairy 和主题在很大程度上是他的思想。我们决定她住在童话 World with ten thousand other tooth fairies. We agreed that a pretty large 一万年世界与其他牙齿仙女。我们一致认为,相当大 staff of fairies would be required; after all, they would have to cover all the 员工需要仙女;毕竟,他们必须覆盖所有 children who are losing all their teeth in countries all over the world. Chris 孩子们失去了他们所有的牙齿在世界各地的国家。克里斯 wondered how the tooth fairy is able to silently slip the tooth out from under 想知道牙仙子能够静静地滑牙了 his pillow and slip the money in without waking him up. Perhaps, he 他的枕头,滑的钱没有吵醒他。也许,他 decided, stretching his imagination, she has some special powers so that she 决定,伸展他的想象力,她有一些特殊的权力,这样她 can whisper “Poof! ” and the tooth comes out, and then another magic “Poof!” 可以低语“噗!”和牙齿出来,然后另一个魔法“噗!” and the money slides in. 和钱幻灯片。 It took us several hours of “what-iffing” to come up with a 我们花了几个小时的想出一个“假设” behind-the-scenes narrative we liked about the tooth fairy’s life. Musing 幕后故事我们喜欢牙仙的生活。沉思 time is scarce today. Taking a stroll around the block, checking out the ants, 今天时间是稀缺的。绕着街区散步,检查出蚂蚁, noticing the colors of the fallen leaves, smelling roses, saying hi to 注意到落叶的颜色,闻玫瑰,说你好 neighbors, and looking at how other homes are decorated can be a 邻居,看其他房子可以是一个装饰 wonderful experience that enriches an introverted child’s soul. 美妙的体验,丰富的灵魂的一个性格内向的孩子。 Strong Points of Innie Grandparents: Innie祖父母的长处: • Understand the energy needs of innies. •理解innies的能源需求。 • Focus on one grandchild at a time. •专注于一个孙子。 • Help the child value his inner world. •帮助孩子值他的内心世界。 • Encourage the child to explore her interests. •鼓励孩子去探索她的利益。 133 133年 • Enjoy in-depth conversations. •喜欢深入的谈话。 • Allow sufficient time to make joint decisions. •允许足够的时间共同决定。 “Hardy Perennial” Outie Grandparents “哈迪常年”外祖父母 “People would have more leisure time if it weren’t for all the leisure-time “人们会有更多的休闲时间如果没有所有的休闲 activities that use it up. ” —Peg Bracken 使用它的活动。“盯住布莱肯 Many outies love to shoot the breeze with anyone, even strangers. They are 许多形状和任何人喜欢吹牛,甚至是陌生人。他们是 the hardy perennials of the social world. They find interacting with others 哈代的社会世界的多年生植物。他们发现与他人互动 effortless. However, since they rely so much on the outside world, they are 毫不费力。然而,由于他们太依赖外部世界, more sensitive to perceived rejection. As grandparents, they may have 对被拒绝更加敏感。祖父母,他们可能有 trouble understanding that children have different temperaments, and thus 不能理解,孩子有不同的性格,因此 may feel rejected by an innie. 可能会感到被内凹。 June, a client of mine, had a new granddaughter, Karin. One day June said, 6月,我的一个客户,有一个新的孙女,卡琳。说6月的一天, “She doesn’t like me. ” I asked her to tell me what happened to make her “她不喜欢我。“我问她让她告诉我发生了什么事 think this. She said, “Karin turned her head away and wouldn’t look at me.” 认为这。她说,“卡琳把她的头,不会看着我。” To me, this suggested that Karin was in the stranger-anxiety phase of 对我来说,这暗示卡琳的陌生人焦虑阶段 babyhood. “I can see why you thought that, but this is normal at eight 幼稚。“我明白为什么你认为,但这是正常的八点 months,” I told her. “Karin is just showing that she has made a healthy 个月,”我告诉她。“卡琳只是表明她健康 connection with her parents. She sees that your face looks different from 与她的父母。她看到你的脸看起来不同 theirs. It’s a good sign. Don’t take it personally. She’ll be past this stage 他们的。这是一个好迹象。别把它放在心上。她会过去的这个阶段 soon. ” Later, Karin showed signs of being somewhat introverted. Over time, 很快。”之后,卡琳的迹象是有点内向。随着时间的推移, June learned to calm her expectations and wait for Karin to come to her. She 6月学会平静她期望和等待Karin来。她 stopped regarding Karin’s hiding behind her parents as a reflection of her 停止对卡琳的躲在她的父母她的反映 feelings toward her. As Karin got older, she learned to enjoy June’s 对她的感情。卡琳长大,她学会了享受6月的 enthusiasm and fun-loving personality. 热情和风趣的个性。 Innies will certainly enjoy an outie’s ideas, activities, and zest. They’ll enjoy Innies肯定会享受外突出了的想法,活动,和强烈的兴趣。他们会喜欢 learning about their grandparents’ lives and going on adventures with 学习他们的祖父母的生活和继续冒险 them—as long as it doesn’t get to be too much. Innie grandchildren can ——只要它不会太多。Innie孙子可以 teach outies to slow down and notice things. Outies may think that everyone 教形状放慢脚步,注意到的东西。形状可能认为每一个人 enjoy’s life in the same ways—or should. You can explain that your child is 享受的生活方式应该是相同的。你可以解释你的孩子 different, and that a slow walk around the lake and feeding the ducks would 不同的,缓慢的走在湖边,喂鸭子 appeal to him most. If an outie grandparent wants to take her innie 最吸引他。如果一个外祖父母想带她innie grandchild on a special outing, suggest something of interest to both of them, 孙子在一个特殊的郊游,建议他们感兴趣的东西, because many outie grandparents may pick something to do without first 因为许多外祖父母可能选择不先 finding out if their grandchild is keen on it, too. One outie client I had took 发现如果他们的孙子是热衷于它,太。外一个客户了 his innie grandchild whale watching without asking the parents if he got 他innie孙子赏鲸没有问如果他父母 seasick. Let us just say that he won’t make that mistake again. 晕船。我们只能说,他不会再犯那样的错误了。 Strong Points of Outie Grandparents: 外祖父母的长处: 134 134年 • Come up with lots of fun things to do •想出了很多有趣的事情要做 • Are friendly and enthusiastic •是友好和热情的 • Are spontaneous •是自发的 • Can manage more grandchildren for a longer period •可以管理更多的孙子的时间较长 • Appreciate outie children’s spunk and energy •外突出欣赏孩子们的勇气和精力 • Show warmth and love and give compliments •给你温暖和爱和赞美 Constructing a Sturdy Span 建造一个坚固的跨度 “I loved their home. Everything smelled older, worn but safe; the food “我爱他们的家。一切闻老,穿但安全;食物 aroma had baked itself into the furniture. ” —Susan Strasberg 香烤自己的家具。“苏珊·斯特拉伯格是同学 For numerous reasons, some grandparents are reluctant to create a 原因有很多,一些爷爷奶奶不愿意创建一个 relationship with their grandchildren. Perhaps they had intrusive in-laws 与他们的孙辈的关系。也许他们已经侵入姻亲 when they were raising their children, and they don’t want to repeat what 当他们抚养孩子,他们不想重复 happened to them. They may be hesitant, shy, or anxious about the 发生在他们身上。他们可能会犹豫、害羞或担心 responsibility. Or they may think past conflicts are still at play, not know 的责任。或者他们会认为过去的冲突仍在起作用,不知道 they are needed or important, or perhaps they are just insecure about today’s 需要的或重要的,或者他们只是对今天的缺乏安全感 newfangled equipment. Even after four grandchildren, we still have trouble 新奇的设备。即使四个孙子,我们仍然有困难 getting the fancy stroller upright and then collapsed again. Some 获得豪华推车直立,然后再次崩溃。一些 grandparents may need to get the thumbs-up signal from the parents before 祖父母可能需要从父母得到竖起大拇指信号 pursuing a close relationship with a grandchild. 追求一个关系密切的一个孙子。
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快樂 (流畅感。) 楼主 2016-04-19 17:12:41
进入这本书的第四部分了 也就是最后一部分 谈的是社会交往 应该是本书的重点 一共５章
这里有一个小学一、二年级的案例， 有一些解释和做法
When You Know How Innies Learn Best, You Can Help Them Navigate 当你知道Innies学习最好的,你可以帮助他们进行导航 the School Years 学校的年 “Once we stretch our mind around a new idea, it never returns to its former “一旦我们伸展我们的思想在一个新概念,它永远不会返回到其以前 shape. ” —Oliver Wendell Holmes 形状。要长久” Julianne’s mother didn’t understand what was happening. In kindergarten 朱莉安娜的母亲不明白发生了什么事。在幼儿园 and first grade, Julianne loved school. Once in second grade, however, her 和一年级,朱利安·爱学校。然而,一旦在二年级,她 daughter complained about going to school and her marks fell. Julianne kept 女儿抱怨上学和她的标志了。朱莉安娜保持 coming home with sad faces instead of smiles stamped on her papers. She 回家与悲伤的脸而不是微笑踩她的论文。她 cried at bedtime, knowing she would have to go to school the next morning. 在睡前哭了,知道她会去学校第二天早上。 “I hate to get those sad faces,” she told her mom. Julianne’s mother met “我讨厌那些悲伤的脸,”她告诉她的妈妈。朱莉安娜的母亲了 with her daughter’s teacher, Mrs. Chan, who told her that she thought 和她女儿的老师,陈太太告诉她,她想 Julianne should have been held back in first grade. Julianne’s mom was 朱莉安娜应该于一年级。朱莉安娜的妈妈是 shocked: How could she think that when Julianne had done so wellin first 震惊:她怎么可能认为当朱丽安·首先wellin grade? Mrs. Chan said she considered Julianne slow because she didn’t 年级吗?陈太太说她认为朱丽安缓慢,因为她没有 participate in class discussions, didn’t catch onto directions quickly, and 参与课堂讨论,没有抓住方向迅速, frequently asked questions about assignments. The teacher also had Julianne 常见问题关于作业。老师也有朱莉安娜 stay in at recess because she took too long to do her work. Julianne’s mother 在课间休息时,因为她花了太长时间去做她的工作。朱莉安娜的母亲 staggered out of the classroom, shaken. 交错的教室,动摇了。 Unfortunately, this is a real-life example of the collision between an 不幸的是,这是一个现实生活中的例子之间的碰撞 introverted child and a teacher with fixed expectations. Mrs. Chan prided 内向的孩子和一个老师与固定的期望。陈太太为 herself on launching the year with strictly new material. She valued speed, 她在今年推出严格的新材料。她的速度, and she believed that directions should only be given once. If a child didn’t 她认为方向应该只给予一次。如果一个孩子没有 hear something the first time, then she must not have been listening. Mrs. 第一次听到,那么她一定没有听。夫人。 Chan was rather stern, and to top it off she had an accent that made her a bit 成龙是相当严厉的,最重要的是她有一个口音,让她一点 difficult to understand. Julianne’s previous teachers had been a better fit for 很难理解。朱莉安娜之前的老师更适合 her. 她的 Julianne’s mother and I tried to strategize. The school wouldn’t move 朱莉安娜的母亲和我试图制定策略。学校不会移动 Julianne to another second-grade class, so her mother got Mrs. Chan to 朱丽安。另一个小学二年级的类,所以她母亲让陈太太 assign another classmate as a helpmate to Julianne. She could ask her 分配另一个同学作为帮手朱莉安娜。她可以问她 helpmate questions about directions and assignments. The classroom aide 配偶的问题方向和任务。教室里的助手 assisting Mrs. Chan was also able to play a role, as she was warmer and 协助陈太太也能扮演一个角色,因为她是温暖的和 more responsive to children’s individual needs. Julianne’s mother talked to 对儿童个人需要做出更多的反应。朱莉安娜的母亲交谈 Julianne about how her mind worked and why she needed more time to 朱利安对她介意,为什么她需要更多的时间来工作 think things over. Julianne’s mom kept encouraging her to do what she 考虑考虑。朱莉安娜的妈妈一直鼓励她去做 could and to realize that it was okay not to get everything right. The 可以,意识到这是好的不总是对的。的 seven-year-old muddled through the school year. It was heartbreaking for 通过学年七岁的混乱。这是令人心碎的 her mother and me to watch from the sidelines. Even with help, Julianne 我和她的母亲在一旁观看。即使有帮助,朱莉安娜 was discouraged and hated going to school. She thought she was too slow at 气馁,讨厌上学。她认为她太缓慢 everything. She and her mom put stickers on the calendar to count off the 一切。她和她的妈妈把贴纸日历上报数 145 145年 days until S-Day: the day summer vacation started. By then, Julianne had 天直到节:暑假开始的那一天。到那时,朱莉安娜 tummy trouble and dark circles under her eyes. 肚子的麻烦,她的眼睛下的黑眼圈。 During the summer Julianne perked up, but she grew anxious as third grade 在夏季朱利安活跃起来了,但是她焦虑的三年级 loomed closer. Her mom had requested a third-grade teacher she thought 隐约可见。她妈妈要求她认为一个三年级的老师 would be more compatible. The school, however, wouldn’t guarantee she’d 更兼容。然而,学校也不能保证她 get that teacher. We all gave a big sigh of relief when Julianne lucked out 得到老师。我们都给了一个大松了一口气当朱丽安·时来运转 and was assigned to the easygoing teacher who understood that all 和被分配到最随和的老师理解 children’s minds are not identical. After about six weeks in her new 孩子的思想不相同。在她的新后大约六个星期 classroom, Julianne said to her mother, “I’m beginning to like school 教室,朱利安对她母亲说,“我开始喜欢上学 again.” 了。” Innies’ Challenges and Advantages Innies的挑战和优势 School is full of hurdles for any child. But innies face particular difficulties 学校充满障碍的孩子。但是innies面临着特殊的困难 in the classroom setting. First, just being out in the world and focusing 在教室里设置。首先,仅仅是世界上和聚焦 externally burns their energy. They’re often operating outside their comfort 外部燃烧能量。他们经常操作以外的安慰 zone, which makes it harder to do their best. Typical classrooms consume 区,这使得它很难做他们最好的。典型的教室使用 gallons of fuel because they are noisy, full of visual distractions, and require 加仑的燃料,因为他们是嘈杂的,充满视觉干扰,和要求 close proximity to others. It’s difficult to hear, especially if people speak 靠近别人。很难听到,特别是如果人们说话 quickly or have accents. And on top of all this, there’s often little time or 迅速或有口音。在这一切之上,经常没有时间或 space to recharge. 空间来充电。 Second, innies are pressured to process information, communicate, and 第二,innies压力处理信息,沟通,和 finish work quickly. They are measured by the ability to work speedily, 很快完成工作。他们是衡量工作能力迅速, assume tasks before they feel ready, and take timed tests. In addition, they 假设任务之前,他们觉得准备好了,和花时间测试。此外,他们 are often forced into situations that they struggle with, such as speaking 往往是被迫的情况下,他们的斗争,如说话 before the class, assimilating others’ standards and views, managing 当着全班的面,吸收别人的标准和视图管理 interruptions, shifting from topic to topic, and working in groups. Plus, 中断,将从一个话题到另一个话题,在团体工作。另外, innies may be overlooked in classrooms. Rowdy students often take up the innies可能在教室被忽视。吵闹的学生经常占用 teacher’s attention. 老师的注意力。 Teachers, especially outies, often misunderstand innie behavior and qualities. 教师,尤其是形状,经常误解innie行为和品质。 Since it takes innies longer to access information, they may not respond to 因为需要innies不再访问信息,他们可能不会回应 teachers’ questions if they don’t feel comfortable. If pressed for time or if 教师的问题,如果他们觉得不舒服。如果时间紧迫或者 they feel any other type of pressure, innies may not show enthusiasm. As a 他们觉得任何其他类型的压力,innies可能不表现出热情。作为一个 result, they may appear to lack interest or motivation—their real feelings 结果,他们似乎缺乏兴趣或motivation-their真正的感情 don’t show on the outside. And since their auditory track is slower, as I have 不显示在外面。因为他们的听觉跟踪是慢,我有 said, they may not catch directions the first time and so may seem a beat 说,他们可能不会抓方向,所以第一次似乎一拍 behind. The introverted child, then, may be perceived as not very smart, not 在后面。内向的孩子,那么,可能被视为不太聪明,不是 keeping up, lacking enthusiasm, too stubborn, too independent, not 保持,缺乏热情,太固执,太独立,不是 social enough in the classroom, or asking too many questions about 社会足够的教室里,或者问太多的问题 directions or the materials. 方向或材料。 146 146年 Those are the potential problems. But most innies are eager to learn, and 这些都是潜在的问题。但大多数innies渴望学习, teachers often recognize innies’ strengths and encourage them. This 老师经常承认innies的优势,鼓励他们。这 happened to me, and many innies have told me they’ve had similar 发生在我身上,许多innies告诉我他们有类似的 experiences. Some teachers are drawn to innies because they like their 的经历。有些教师innies因为他们喜欢他们所吸引 ability to have more complex conversations. Teachers value their keen 更复杂的对话能力。老师看重他们的希望 observations and insights. Innie students may even become teachers’ pets 的观察和见解。Innie学生甚至可能成为教师的宠物 because they are helpful, easy to handle in the classroom, and some even 因为他们是有帮助的,容易处理在教室里,一些人甚至 seek out their teachers. My grandson has loved, loved, loved his 寻找他们的老师。我的孙子有爱,爱,爱他的 kindergarten, first- and third-grade teachers. My daughter’s ears have almost 幼儿园,首先,三年级的老师。我女儿的耳朵几乎 fallen off hearing about Miss McDonald, her son’s current favorite. Many 掉落听到麦克唐纳小姐,她的儿子是当前的最爱。许多 innies find they are more interested in their teachers because they have more innies发现他们更感兴趣的是他们的老师,因为他们有更多的 in common with them than with their classmates. Indeed, many innie 共同之处与他们的同学。事实上,许多innie children prefer conversing with adults, in general, rather than with their 儿童与成人喜欢的谈话中,一般来说,而不是与他们 peers. Outie teachers often find innies fascinating when they get a glimpse 同行。外教师经常发现一睹时innies迷人 of their inner world. 他们的内心世界。 Many innies find school a flourishing garden of knowledge, despite the 许多innies发现学校知识的繁荣的花园,尽管 drain on their energy. They enjoy learning. In order to help themselves 消耗他们的能量。他们喜欢学习。为了帮助自己 enjoy school, some find inventive ways to cope with their overstimulation. 喜欢学校,一些找到创造性的方法来应付他们的过度刺激。 Often they uncover less frenetic places at school to recharge. They might 他们常常发现不太疯狂的地方在学校充电。他们可能会 spend their lunch period in the library, if it’s a quiet place. An innie I 度过他们的午餐时间在图书馆,如果它是一个安静的地方。内凹,我 worked with went to the kindergarten class to read to a child for an hour. 一起工作去幼儿园给孩子读了一个小时。 Another used to visit the school nurse and chat with her during his lunch 另一个用来访问学校护士和聊天和她在他的午餐 break. I helped out in the quiet back office for one period in high school. 休息。我帮助在安静的办公室一个在高中时期。 When one of my daughters was in high school, she went to the local 我的一个女儿在高中的时候,她去了当地 elementary school to develop arts-and-crafts projects for the teachers during 小学教师在开发工艺品项目 a free block of time. 一块免费的时间。 It’s What’s Up Front That Counts 这是什么才是最重要的 Remember, innies are hardwired to use a direct pathway to the executive 记住,innies习惯于使用直接的途径来执行 area, in the front of the brain, which integrates and develops complex ideas 区域,在大脑的前部,集成和开发复杂的想法 and concepts. As innies grow and develop, their thoughts, emotions, and 和概念。随着innies成长和发展,他们的思想,情感,和 experiences become integrated. This blesses them with the ability to use 体验成为集成。这祝福他们能够使用 complex mental functions. The front, or bonnet, of the brain also holds the 复杂的心理功能。前面,或阀盖,大脑还持有 keys to judgment, social and ethical behavior, creativity, and what may be 关键的判断,社会和道德行为,创新,可能是什么 our greatest gift, mindsight: the ability to know other people’s minds and 我们最大的礼物,mindsight:知道别人的思想和能力 understand their intentions, the most sophisticated type of emotional 理解他们的意图,最复杂的一种情感 intelligence. 情报。 147 147年 How Innies Learn Innies如何学习 “I believe that everything in a child’s development is connected—what has “我相信,在一个孩子的发展是connected-what的一切 gone before, what is happening now, and what will happen in the future.” 走之前,现在正在发生什么,未来会发生什么。” —Fred Rogers 弗雷德·罗杰斯 Whether a child is an innie or an outie greatly determines how she learns. 一个孩子是否内凹或外突出了极大地决定了她学习。 Extroverts form their perceptions from external past events in the back, 外向的形式从外部过去的事件,他们的看法 or boot, of the brain. Introverts base their experiences on internal thoughts 或引导,大脑的。内向的人他们的经验基础内部的想法 and feelings. These are processed in the front, or bonnet, of the brain. 和感受。这些处理在前方,或阀盖,大脑的。 Learning is a complex function that activates numerous parts of the brain in 学习是一个复杂的功能,激活大脑的许多部分 rapid succession. In a way, learning requires riding a roller coaster around 快速连续。在某种程度上,学习需要乘坐过山车 and through various parts of the brain. Let’s see how the process differs 并通过大脑的各个部分。让我们看看整个过程不同 between innies and outies. 内外之间的形状。 Innies attend to what interests them. They receive information from their Innies参加自己感兴趣的内容。他们从他们的接收信息 bodies and brains on slower, more unconscious pathways. Their minds work 身体和大脑更慢,更无意识的途径。他们的思想工作 associatively, drawing on long-term memory. Experiences are compared and 联想,利用长期记忆。经历比较和 contrasted with past, present, and in the front of the brain. More complex 与过去、现在,在大脑的前部。更复杂的 perceptions are constructed during overnight processing as the day’s 构造认知在一夜之间处理一天的 memories are integrated and stored when they are dreaming. At this point, 集成并存储记忆时做梦。在这一点上, thoughts will have coalesced, and they will be ready to form an idea or plan 思想会合并,他们将准备形成一个想法或计划 of action. Innies need time and encouragement to demonstrate their internal 的行动。Innies需要时间和鼓励来展示他们的内部 knowledge to others. To expand their knowledge, they need to test their 知识给别人。扩大他们的知识,他们需要测试 ideas by applying them in the real world. 思想通过应用他们在现实世界中。 Outies focus on what catches their attention. Information from their senses 形状专注于吸引了他们的注意力。从他们的感官信息 enters the brain via fast, conscious pathways. The data is matched to old 通过快速进入大脑,意识的途径。数据匹配 experiences—good and bad—to generate a rapid perception in the back of experiences-good和类生成一个快速感知的 the brain. They may make a quick decision or take an action like speaking, 大脑。他们可能会做出快速决定或采取行动来说, writing, or changing an opinion based on this small amount of data. 编写或修改意见在此基础上少量的数据。 Information flows quickly in and out of short-term memory—it only holds 信息流动迅速的短期内存只有持有 about seven items at any one time—and may not stick. To expand their 大约7项在任何时间可能坚持不了多久。扩大 learning, outies need help to pause, reflect, and connect more associations in 学习、形状需要帮助暂停反映,并连接更多的关联 the front of the brain to develop more complex perceptions, plans, and 前面的大脑开发更复杂的认知,计划, actions. 行动。 Good teaching can be understood as the art of enhancing the brain and the 良好的教学可以被理解为加强大脑和的艺术 brain’s ability to learn. The brain is designed to learn; in turn, learning alters 大脑的学习能力。反过来,大脑是为了学习,学习改变 the brain. When a child’s knowledge is expanded, neural connections are 大脑。当一个孩子的知识扩展,神经连接 increased. First, the child builds a foundation of experiences at home and in 增加了。首先,孩子在家的经历,在构建一个基础 the world. Then, new information is connected to those built-in experiences. 他的整个世界。然后,新的信息连接到这些内置的经历。 The result is that a new piece of knowledge, with an entire new constellation 结果是一个新的知识,全新的星座 of associations, becomes part of the child’s mental repertoire. 的关联,成为孩子的心理。 148 148年 An introverted child’s strong suit is learning by association. It’s an innie’s 一个性格内向的孩子的强项是由协会学习。是内凹的 natural inclination to forge links—to connect the dots. Teachers provide new 自然倾向建立链接连接这些点。教师提供新的 information, which helps innies draw lines between the existing dots of data 信息,这有助于innies吸引现有的数据点之间的界线 already in their brains. Now they are linked together. An outline of a fuller 已经在他们的大脑。现在他们联系在一起。更全面的大纲 picture begins to emerge as the child situates new information within the 画面开始成为孩子地处新信息在 context of his own personal experience. 自己的个人经验。 When Mrs. Chan didn’t review what was learned in first grade, Julianne was 当陈太太没有回顾一下在一年级学习,朱莉安娜 left without any dots to link up with the new material. No coherent picture 没有任何点与新材料。不连贯的图片 formed for her. All she found was disconnected units of information. 对她形成。她发现是断开连接的单位的信息。 Connecting the dots means that the child sees associations (for instance, “Oh, 连接这些点意味着孩子看到协会(例如,“哦, if I learn math it will help me figure out how to count money” or “Learning 如果我学习数学,它将帮助我找出如何数钱”或“学习 science can teach me how to grow a sunflower”). Innies have lots of internal 科学可以教我如何种植向日葵”)。Innies有很多内部 dots, a virtual treasure trove of potential hooks on which to hang new 点,一个虚拟的宝库的潜在的钩子挂新 learning. But they need to take in information in a sequence to help connect 学习。但是他们需要在信息序列来连接 these dots. 这些点。 In the classroom, children learn best when new information is taught in an 在教室里,孩子们学习新信息时最好教的 engaging, hands-on style that, literally, stimulates their brains. Lively stories, 迷人,动手风格,刺激他们的大脑。生动的故事, for example, connect all areas of the child’s brain: emotion, cognition, 例如,连接所有孩子的大脑区域:情感,认知, meaning, and memory (past experiences). Rote learning tends not to 意义,和内存(过去的经验)。死记硬背往往不是 generate knowledge or innovative thinking. Real learning appeals to all 生成知识和创新思维。真正的学习诉求 levels of the brain. It transforms learning from a simple mode of receiving 大脑的水平。它将学习从一个简单的接收方式 and filing information in the brain to a more complex process: receiving 和归档信息在大脑中一个更复杂的过程:收到 information and then creating knowledge, by sending it along the 信息和创造知识,通过发送它沿 introverted path to the executive areas of the brain. 内向的路径执行的大脑区域。 What Learning Environment Brings Out the Best in Innies? 在Innies学习环境使什么? Introverted children require time and space, and need to set their own 内向的孩子需要时间和空间,需要设置自己的 pace. Because innies turn inward for energy, safety, and satisfaction, they 的步伐。因为innies进口能源、安全、满意,他们 flourish in a well-ordered, quiet classroom where subjects are discussed in 在一个秩序井然的繁荣,安静的课堂讨论的主题在哪里 depth, one topic at a time. They demonstrate their attention by being still 深度,一次一个主题。他们展示他们仍然被关注 (not because they are necessarily expected to, but to conserve energy when (不是因为他们一定预期,但时节约能源 they’re listening keenly). They sit watching, often without expression (again, 他们正在听敏锐地)。他们坐着看,经常面无表情(再一次, to conserve energy). Occasionally, they may look away or look down (to 节约能源)。有时候,他们可能看起来或(往下看 facilitate processing information). Noise and movement interrupts their 方便处理信息)。噪音和运动打断他们 ability to concentrate. 集中注意力的能力。 Innies thrive in an atmosphere that’s accepting and patient. If innies are Innies茁壮成长的氛围中接受和耐心。如果innies asked questions on the spot, the answer usually zooms right out of their 当场提问,答案通常正确的缩放 heads. But this doesn’t mean that the information isn’t in there—it just 正面。但这并不意味着不是在那儿——的信息 needs to be lured out the right way. Without pressure, they can volunteer 需要吸引正确的方式。没有压力,他们可以做志愿者 answers. And in an atmosphere of trust and space, they can surprise others 的答案。在信任的氛围和空间,他们可以惊喜
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快樂 (流畅感。) 楼主 2016-04-20 12:35:40
小学老师外向的多 所以内向的孩子比较不受待见
with the complexity of their responses. In Jonathan’s fourth-grade class, for 与他们的反应的复杂性。乔纳森的四年级班, example, they were studying the history of flight. Suddenly, he raised his 的例子中,他们正在研究飞行的历史。突然,他抬起 hand, and the usually quiet child launched into a whole wellspring of 手,通常安静的孩子展开了的源泉 knowledge. “Did you know that they built one hundred B-1B bombers? 知识。“你知道吗,他们建造了一百B-1B轰炸机? They are stealth bombers, and they fly very close to the ground so they can’t 他们是隐形轰炸机,他们十分贴近地面飞行,所以他们不能 be picked up on radar. They are very sleek, and their wings retract after they 被污染的雷达。他们非常光滑,翅膀收回后 take off. But four crashed because they sucked birds into their engines. Now 起飞。但四坠毁,因为他们把鸟拉进了他们的引擎。现在 they fixed that problem and they are using them in the Iraq War. ” After a 固定这个问题和他们使用他们在伊拉克战争。”后 stunned silence, the teacher asked Jonathan more about the B-1Bs. 面面相觑,老师问乔纳森B-1Bs的更多信息。 Choosing a School 选择一个学校 “The best thing you can give children, next to good habits, are good “最好的事情你可以给孩子良好的习惯,是好的 memories. ” —Sydney J. Harris 记忆。“悉尼j·哈里斯 Innies need schools where the environment is calm, encouraging, flexible, Innies学校环境需要的是冷静,鼓舞人心的,灵活的, and warm. I have worked with many adult innies who went to competitive, 和温暖的。我还有很多成年人的工作去竞争, judgmental, shaming, rigid, and harsh schools. In that kind of atmosphere, 评判,羞辱、刚性和严厉的学校。在这样的氛围, innies may shut down, not learn, fall behind, and, sadly, think they aren’t innies可能关闭,而不是学习落后,,遗憾的是,认为他们不是 smart. They need a school environment where the staff enjoys children 聪明。他们需要一个学校环境,员工喜欢的孩子 (unfortunately, this is often not the case) and where students are viewed as (不幸的是,这通常不是如此),学生被视为 individuals. They need teachers who can adjust to different learning styles. 个人。他们需要教师可以适应不同的学习方式。 What is most important is an environment where innies can use their gifts. 最重要的是一个环境,innies可以使用他们的礼物。 They need a quiet, structured classroom where expectations are based on the 他们需要一个安静的,结构化课堂是基于预期 individual child. Smaller is better. If teachers are open to learning about 个别的孩子。较小的更好。如果老师学习是开放的 your child and allowing her the space and reflective time her brain needs, a 你的孩子,让她的大脑需要空间和反射时间, good fit can be made. 不错的选择。 Many parents don’t have a choice of schools. If you do, try to find one that 许多父母没有选择的学校。如果你这样做,试着找到一个 encourages individual strengths and doesn’t put undue pressure on the child. 鼓励个人优势和不给孩子施加过度的压力。 Homeschooling and charter schools can work well for innies if they are 和特许学校宗旨可以为innies如果他们工作得很好 based on one-on-one, individually designed learning. However, 一对一的基础上,分别设计了学习。然而, homeschooled innies will need other group and social experiences to 在家接受教育的innies需要其他集团和社会经历 strengthen their extroverting muscles. Schools for children gifted in the arts 加强其外向的肌肉。在艺术学校对孩子天赋 and sciences are often very helpful for innies, as long as they aren’t too 和innies科学通常是非常有用的,只要他们不是 competitive, rigid, or demanding. 竞争力,刚性,或要求。 The optimal learning environment for innies includes: 最优学习环境innies包括: • A quiet, structured classroom with few surprises. •一个安静的、结构化课堂与一些惊喜。 • Time and space to reflect, process, and prepare. •时间和空间来反映、流程和准备。 • Having the big picture presented first, and relating material to students’ •有大局了,学生的相关材料 lives. 的生活。 150 150年 • Having a choice of whether to work in groups or alone; the option of •有选择是否仅在团体或工作,选择 having a pal to work with or ask questions of; individual, rather than group, 有一个伙伴一起工作或提问;个体,而不是集团, credit on assignments. 信贷分配。 • Having a designated “Learning Lair,” a private area or one set off with •有一个指定的“学习巢穴”,一个私人区域或一组 screens, complete with earplugs and headphones. 屏幕,配有耳塞和耳机。 Innies are private and need to have a sense of ownership over their Innies是私有的,需要有一个在他们的主人翁的意识 space and belongings. When innies share space and supplies, they may feel 空间和物品。当innies共享空间和物资,他们可能感觉 intruded upon. In some school districts, students share desks. This depletes 冒昧的。在一些学校,学生共享办公桌。这耗尽 innies’ energy and reduces their ability to concentrate. Ten-year-old Tony is innies的能源和减少他们集中注意力的能力。十岁的托尼 typical in that he can’t bear even to read with someone looking over his 典型的,他甚至不能忍受看着他跟别人阅读 shoulder. When he senses somebody there he altogether loses the ability to 的肩膀。当他感觉有人在他完全失去能力 think! I have worked with teachers who give innies their own place and 的想法!我与老师给innies自己的地方 space, and the children function much better. 函数空间,孩子们好多了。 Innies like clear instructions and information. Once they have a clear Innies明确指令和信息。一旦他们有了一个清楚 sense of the task at hand, they take off on their own. They are especially 手头的任务,他们在自己的起飞。他们尤其 self-motivated if they find a way to connect with a topic personally. 有上进心,如果他们找到一个方法来与主题个人联系。 Hayden’s fifth-grade class is studying South America. Hayden is interested 海登的五年级学生正在学南美。海登是感兴趣的 in mountain climbing. He wonders, “What is the highest peak in South 在爬山。他想知道,“南方的最高峰 America? And which peaks have been climbed? ” His curiosity is such that 美国吗?和这山峰爬吗?“他的好奇心是这样 during recess he goes to the library and looks up South American peaks in a 在休息的时候他去了图书馆,查找南美山峰的 reference book and on the Internet. 参考书,在互联网上。 Rewards Come to Those Who Wait 奖励那些等待 Psychologist Walter Mischel, Ph.D., conducted a longitudinal study at 心理学家沃尔特•米歇尔博士进行了一项纵向研究 Columbia University with four-year-old preschoolers that measured their 哥伦比亚大学测量他们的四岁的学龄前儿童 ability to wait and resist the temptation to have some candy. The children’s 等待和抵制诱惑能力有一些糖果。孩子们的 waiting ability ranged from a few seconds to more than five minutes. These 等待的能力范围从几秒到超过五分钟。这些 same children were studied again as teenagers. Those who tolerated longer 相同的孩子在青少年时再次进行了研究。那些忍受更长时间 waits as children had higher SAT scores as teens. They had more advanced 等待像十几岁孩子的SAT分数越高。他们有更高级的 social and cognitive abilities. And they were able to tolerate stress and 社会和认知能力。他们能够忍受压力和 frustration better than their peers. The researchers concluded that there is a 挫折比同龄人更好。研究人员得出结论说,有一个 vital link between a young child’s ability to wait, and his later emotional and 至关重要的一个小孩的能力之间的联系等,和他后来的情感和 cognitive capacities. What many parents see as a disadvantage—innies’ 认知能力。许多家长看到disadvantage-innies” inhibition—is also the advantage of self-control; the built-in ability to wait. 抑制作用受到自我控制的优势,内置的能力等。 This ability gives introverted children a solid foundation they can use as 这种能力使内向的孩子他们可以使用作为一个坚实的基础 adults to reach their academic and life goals. 成年人达到他们的学术和生活目标。 Innies enjoy polishing their ideas and impressions, letting them steep. If Innies享受抛光他们的想法和印象,让他们陡峭。如果 stumped, they prefer to do Internet research, watch a video, or read a book 难住了,他们更愿意做互联网的研究,看视频,或者读一本书 and perhaps discuss it with a trusted person. Before doing anything in 也许讨论它与一个可信的人。在做任何事之前 public—even in front of one single person—they want to prepare and 观众们甚至在一个人想和做准备 151 151年 practice. In one school’s annual Shakespeare production, Veronica, a 练习。莎士比亚在一个学校的年度生产、维罗妮卡 twelve-year-old innie, did an amazing job in the role of King Lear. Even her 12岁innie,李尔王的角色一个了不起的工作。甚至她的 mother was stunned. She had no idea how completely Veronica had 母亲惊呆了。她不知道如何完全维罗妮卡 mastered the lines; she had done it entirely on her own. 完全掌握了线,她做了她自己的。 Innies appreciate feedback and input from others only when they feel Innies只欣赏别人的反馈和输入时的感觉 they fully understand the concept themselves. They like the stimulation of 他们完全理解这个概念。他们喜欢刺激的 others’ ideas, but the timing needs to be right. Too much input in the 别人的想法,但是时间需要是正确的。太多的输入 formulating stage can stall their process and ruin their ability to puzzle 制定阶段可以拖延他们的过程和游戏毁了他们的能力 something through to its completion. Innies are sensitive to input that they 通过对其完成的东西。Innies输入他们很敏感 feel disregards or minimizes the time and effort they have expended to 觉得忽视了或减少花费的时间和精力 arrive at their conclusions. If they feel that their ideas are appreciated, then 到达他们的结论。如果他们觉得他们的想法是赞赏,那么 they like to collaborate and expand or combine their ideas. 他们喜欢合作,扩大或合并他们的想法。 Classroom Pitfalls for Innies 教室为Innies陷阱 Classrooms can be overstimulating. The traditional classroom setting is 教室可以经由。传统的教学模式 not designed to bring out the best in innies. Many classrooms are crowded 不是为了innies最好的。许多教室拥挤 and noisy—too much commotion, too much bright light, too much pressure, 和noisy-too骚动,太多的亮光,太多的压力, and, it seems, too much of everything. Innies may not get the chance to 看来,太多的东西。Innies可能不会得到机会 catch their breath and reflect, concentrate on what they’re doing, or prepare 屏住呼吸和反映,专注于他们在做什么,或准备 before it’s time to submit their work to scrutiny. 之前提交他们的工作审查。 Teachers may misunderstand innies. Most elementary and secondary 教师可能误解innies。大多数中小学 teachers are themselves extroverts; this makes sense since teachers need 教师本身就是外向的;这是有道理的,因为教师的需要 tons of energy to make it through even an ordinary school day. Most 大量的能量来让它通过,即使一个普通学校的一天。大多数 teachers don’t understand innies. They equate “smart” with “fast. ” Studies 老师不明白innies。他们把“智能”等同于“快。“研究 show that teachers tend to ask a question and move on in a few seconds if a 表明,教师往往会问一个问题,在几秒钟,如果继续前进 student doesn’t provide the answer. Innies often feel like they are in a race 学生没有提供答案。Innies经常感觉他们在赛跑 where they can’t keep up. Unfortunately, in such environments, only a tiny 他们跟不上。不幸的是,在这样的环境中,只有一个小 bit of an introverted child’s talents and abilities is seen. 的一个性格内向的孩子的天赋和能力。 Teachers or classmates who don’t understand innies may feel rejected by 老师或同学不明白innies会觉得拒绝了 them. Some teachers will misinterpret an innie’s behavior, thinking that a 他们。一些老师会误解内凹的行为,认为 child is rebellious, unintelligent, apathetic, or won’t or can’t communicate. 孩子叛逆,愚蠢,冷漠,不会或不能沟通。 Some teachers may feel frustrated because they think they are failing to 一些老师可能会感到沮丧,因为他们认为自己是失败的 reach such a child. What’s sad is the way that others construe an innie’s 达到这样的一个孩子。难过的是,别人解释内凹的 tendency to draw inward as a negative—as a rejection. Actually, the child is 消极,拒绝倾向于画内。实际上,孩子 most likely trying to process and integrate the material presented to him. An 最有可能试图过程和集成材料提交给他。一个 introverted child’s outward behavior does not necessarily reflect what’s 内向的孩子的外在行为并不一定反映是什么 going on in his mind. 在他的脑海中。 152 152年 Teachers may overlook innies. Innies are often model students —quiet, 教师可以忽略innies。学生安静Innies通常模型, focused, and not disruptive, so they may receive less attention while the 集中,而不是破坏性的,所以他们可能得到的关注更少而 teacher deals with the rowdy kids. 老师处理吵闹的孩子。
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快樂 (流畅感。) 楼主 2016-04-21 15:47:58
这段提及了内向孩子上小学时的一些学习特点 和一些应对的方法 三年级起飞！ （她们首先要适应小学的、班级的环境带来的挑战！） 幸运的是其中的一些方法 我已经在幼儿园幼小衔接课的时候实践过了！ 确实需要某种层面的密切关注、 以及和老师的及时、尽早的沟通！
也写了初中（middle school）和高中（high school） 但是似乎显得语焉不详了就 一点儿都不带感
Moving Through the School Years 通过学校的年 “A sense of curiosity is nature’s original school of education. ” —Smiley “好奇心是大自然的原始教育的学校。“笑脸 Blanton, M.D. 布兰顿,医学博士 When we think of school, we tend to think of reading, writing, 当我们把学校的时候,我们倾向于认为阅读,写作, and ’rithmatic, maybe with a little science and history thrown in. But school 和“rithmatic,也许有点科学和历史。但学校 is more than just academics. Your whole child goes to school. And many 不仅仅是学者。你的孩子上学。和许多 factors besides what’s written on the blackboard affect how your child 除了写在黑板上的因素影响你的孩子 learns: emotional ups and downs, a sense of fitting in, having friends, energy 学习:情绪起伏,一种适合的感觉,有朋友,能量 levels, and relationships with teachers, to name a few. Here is a brief 水平,以及与教师的关系,等等。这是一个简短的 rundown of how your introverted child progresses through the educational 破旧的内向的孩子通过教育发展 system. Knowing what’s up—and what’s ahead—will help you advocate for 系统。知道什么是潜江今后帮助你主张什么 her. 她的 Preschool 学前教育 For innies, preschool is about learning how to self-regulate while 对于innies,学前教育是学习如何自我调节 extroverting without parental help. Introverted kids are learning to handle 没有父母的帮助,性格外向的人。内向的孩子学习处理 themselves in unfamiliar territory, expanding their relationships outside the 自己在一个陌生的领域,扩大关系之外 comfort zone of their immediate family, and discovering how to modulate 直系亲属的舒适区,并发现如何调节 their energy, emotions, and stimulation levels. 他们的精力、情绪和刺激的水平。 Introverted children usually start preschool around three. Starting out with a 内向的孩子通常学前三开始。开始一个 limited schedule, say, three mornings a week, provides consistency yet 有限的时间,说,每周三上午,提供一致性 allows for plenty of quiet time at home. A small preschool usually works 允许足够的安静的时间在家里。通常小幼儿园工作 best with no more than ten to fourteen children per class, and at least two 最好不超过10到14个孩子每个类,和至少两个 teachers. A well-structured, predictable program will allow your innie to 老师。一个结构良好的、可预测的计划将让innie settle in easily. It’s helpful if there’s a quiet corner or nook. A well-trained 在轻松地定居。很有帮助,如果有一个安静的角落或角落。一个训练有素的 preschool staff understands individual temperaments and knows the 幼儿园工作人员理解个人性情和知道 developmental tasks children are mastering at each stage of growth; they are 发展孩子们掌握在每一个发展阶段的任务; trained to work specifically with preschool children. You ought to be 学龄前儿童的训练工作。你应该 allowed to stay until your child is comfortable. A good teacher knows that 允许逗留到孩子舒适。一个好老师知道 some children need to ease into the class, slowly learning to manage the 有些孩子需要缓解到类,慢慢学习管理 separation, and will allow you to stay until your child is comfortable. 分离,会让你留下来,直到你的孩子舒适。 Usually innies need to ease into school transitions, especially if they have 通常innies需要缓解学校转型,特别是如果他们有 stressors, such as a new sibling. It may take a week for some children and 的紧张性刺激,比如一个新的兄弟姐妹。有些孩子,可能需要一个星期 several weeks for others. Even after a break, say, returning from an illness 几个星期。即使在休息之后,说,回来一种疾病 or vacation, they may need a bit of reentry help. 或度假,他们可能需要一点再入的帮助。 153 153年 Bring your child to see the school before starting, perhaps visit the 带你的孩子去看学校开始前,也许参观 playground on the weekend, and discuss the upcoming adventure. 操场在周末,讨论即将到来的冒险。 Throughout the year, help your innie prepare for any upcoming transition, ,帮助你innie准备任何即将到来的转变, such as holidays and the end of school. 如假期和学校的结束。 Keep talking with your innie during your daily chat time about what’s 保持与你innie在日常聊天的时间谈论什么 happening at school. Is she concerned about anything? Ask your child about 发生在学校。她担心什么?问你的孩子 his day when he is rested, and encourage him to share something he is 他的天,他休息,并鼓励他分享他的东西 excited about with the rest of the family: “Hey, I heard the snake wrangler 和家里的其他人兴奋:“嘿,我听说蛇牧人 came today! Can you tell us about it? ” Be sure to let him rest after school. 今天来了!你能告诉我们吗?“一定要让他放学后休息。 Keep communication lines open with the teachers. Encourage the teacher to 保持与教师沟通的畅通。鼓励老师 invite others to play with your child if he frequently plays alone. If the 邀请别人玩你的孩子,如果他经常独自玩。如果 teacher reports that your child doesn’t speak up when another child takes his 老师报告,你的孩子不会说当另一个孩子带着他 toys or knocks over his blocks, practice similar scenarios at home. Pick a 玩具或敲在他的块,类似的场景在家里练习。选择一个 time when your innie is rested and suggest playing blocks. You can make a 当你innie休息,建议玩积木。你可以 move to knock over the blocks and suggest that he say, “Hey, don’t do that!” 搬到打翻块和建议,他说,“嘿,别这样!” Switch roles, and then model a way to shift the situation to cooperative play, 互换角色,然后模型一种局势转向合作, inviting him to make a block bridge next to yours. Speak out loud about 邀请他一块桥的旁边。大声地谈论 your own playground tussles. This helps innies learn that others also grapple 自己的操场角力。这也有助于innies学习别人解决 with what to do in these situations. 如何在这些情况下。 Innies are sometimes frustrated with other kids who can’t play longer and Innies有时沮丧与其他孩子不长,玩 who behave impulsively. This presents a good opportunity to discuss how 谁表现的冲动。这提出了一个很好的机会来讨论 each child has her unique temperament and develops at her own pace. 每个孩子都有她独特的气质和她自己的速度发展。 Discuss with your innie that she has strengths in this area, just as other kids 与你讨论innie她在这方面有优势,就像其他孩子一样 who might be more impulsive right now have their own special talents. 可能更冲动现在有自己的特殊天赋。 Kindergarten 幼儿园 Five is a prime social year for all children, and most children are delightful 五是一个典型的社会所有的孩子,和大多数孩子是令人愉快的 at this age. Innies are learning to compare and contrast their inside world 在这个年龄。Innies正在学习比较和对比他们的内心世界 and the outside world, striving to make sense of the kids, the teacher, and 和外部世界,努力理解孩子,老师, what they are learning, and to put their own thoughts and ideas into action. 他们学习,把自己的思想和想法付诸行动。 They are taking in and integrating new experiences. All of this takes lots of 他们正在和集成新体验。所有这一切需要很多 fuel. 燃料。 Innies who didn’t make one or two special friends in preschool usually do so Innies谁没有在幼儿园,一般是一个或两个特殊的朋友 in kindergarten. Now that your innie is more acclimated to school, she is 在幼儿园。现在你的innie更适应学校,她是 able to apply her observing skills to other children. She sees that some kids 能够应用她的观察能力与其他孩子。她看到一些孩子 are fun to play with, and some are not. She is connecting a child’s behavior 玩,有些则不是。她连一个孩子的行为 with his or her intentions, and learning to handle conflicts. 与他或她的意图,和学习来处理冲突。 154 154年 Many innies, especially those with older siblings, are anxious to go to “big” 许多innies,尤其是那些年长的兄弟姐妹,急于去“大” school. Have your innie visit the school before the first day. Check out the 学校。以前你innie参观学校的第一天。检查 whole school, including the bathrooms, the cafeteria, and the office. Point 整个学校,包括浴室、餐厅、办公室。点 out children having fun in class. If a friend or older sibling attends the 孩子们在课堂上玩。如果一个朋友或者哥哥参加 school, let your innie visit at a holiday party or other fun, casual time. 学校,让你innie访问在一个节日聚会或其他娱乐,休闲的时间。 Encourage her to say hello to the teacher during the visit. 鼓励她向老师问好访问期间。 The biggest challenge for innies is the increasing pressure to learn in an innies最大的挑战是学习的压力越来越大 environment that isn’t conducive to their hardwiring. Sometimes they want 环境并不有利于他们的硬接线。有时他们想要的 to go back to their old school. Help your child adapt by acknowledging her 回到原来的学校。帮助你的孩子适应承认她 experience. “I know it’s noisy and hard to think. ” Help her find solutions. 体验。“我知道这很吵,很难想象。“帮她找到解决方案。 Encourage her to brainstorm with you: “What do you think will help?” 鼓励她与你头脑风暴:“你觉得会帮助吗?” Innies come up with great ideas. Innies想出好点子。 As she becomes more comfortable in class, suggest she take a small gift like 她在课堂上变得更加舒适,建议她带一个小礼物 a flower or card and give it to the teacher. (It’s okay if she wants you to help 一朵花或卡片给老师。(这是好的,如果她想要你的帮助 her approach the teacher.) If your family goes on a vacation, bring back 她的方法老师。)如果你的家人去度假,带回来 small tokens of the trip, such as pretty seashells, for your innie to give to the 小旅行的令牌,如漂亮的贝壳,innie给到 whole class. This models valuing her class and lets her express that she feels 整个类。这个模型评估类和让她表达她的感觉 part of the group. Plan brief playdates with children she enjoys. Keep up 集团的一部分。计划简短的她喜欢和小朋友们玩耍。保持 daily chats with your innie so she can hash out thoughts and feelings about 每天跟你聊天innie,这样她就可以消除的想法和感受 school. This also gives you a chance to interrupt any negative self-talk. Even 学校。这也给你机会打断任何消极的自我对话。甚至 at this age, innies tend to internalize things, and they easily blame 在这个年纪,innies往往内化的事情,他们很容易责怪 themselves. For instance, you can say, “Are you thinking Nemo II [the 他们自己。例如,你可以说:“你在想Nemo II( classroom fish] died because you did something wrong? ” “Yes, my job was 教室里鱼死了,因为你做错了什么事吗?”“是的,我的工作是 to feed him, and I think I must have fed him too much. ” “Honey, I’m glad 给他,我想我一定是喂他太多。“亲爱的,我很高兴 you told me because it wasn’t your fault; Mrs. Clark told me he was a very 你告诉我,因为这不是你的错,克拉克夫人告诉我,他是一个非常 old fish.” 老鱼。” Elementary School 小学 Entering elementary school is a big leap for innies. The added pressure and 进入小学innies来说是一个大的飞跃。增加的压力和 subject matter can overwhelm them. They need to be assured that it will get 主题可以压倒他们。他们需要确保它会 easier (and it will). Innies learn best if they can tie new information to an 更容易(会)。Innies学习最好的一个。如果他们能把新信息 anchor of something they already know. They build off their foundation of 锚的他们已经知道的东西。他们建立了基础 previous lessons and experiences. Innies learn best when material is broken 以前的经验和教训。Innies学习最好的材料被打破了 up into digestible, bite-sized pieces. They need lots of practice to learn the 成消化,一口大小的块。他们需要大量的练习来学习 fundamentals in creative ways: flash cards, drawing pictures, singing, 基本面以创造性的方式:卡片,画画,唱歌, making up silly rhymes, or reviewing in the car. Help them develop strong 愚蠢的押韵,或回顾在车里。帮助他们发展强劲 phonetic and sight-reading skills, and good math fundamentals. Innies aren’t 语音和视能力和良好的数学基础。Innies不 as strong on short-term memory, which is used for math, so they need lots of 强大在短期记忆,用于数学,所以他们需要大量的 practice adding, subtracting, and mastering multiplicationtables. They may 练习加法、减法、和掌握multiplicationtables。他们可能 be slower to grasp these basics, since they are still learning to manage the 慢掌握这些基础知识,因为他们仍在学习管理 stimulation of the classroom. But once they get on solid footing, stand 刺激的教室。但一旦站稳脚跟,立场 155 155年 back—especially around third grade—and watch them take off. Many innies 很在第三富看他们许多innies起飞。 begin to really love learning at this stage. Their key challenge is learning to 开始真正喜欢学习在这个阶段。他们最主要的挑战就是学习 speak up and show what they know. 说出来并显示他们所知道的。 Talk with your child about his learning preferences. Help him stay 和你的孩子谈谈他的学习偏好。帮助他保持 organized, so he doesn’t waste energy on anxiety, which only reduces his 有组织的,所以他不会把精力浪费在焦虑,只有减少他的 learning ability. Many innies do better with colored bins and baskets to keep 学习能力。许多innies做得更好,保留着彩色的箱子和篮子 their work organized and in plain sight. 他们的工作组织和显而易见。 If the teacher mentions that your child doodles, daydreams, or withdraws 如果老师提到孩子的涂鸦,白日梦或撤回 from class activity, take note. This may mean he is trying to quiet his active 从课堂活动,注意了。这可能意味着他想安静的活动 brain so he can listen better, or they may be signs of disengaging. If he is 大脑,所以他可以更好听,或者他们可能是分离的迹象。如果他是 disengaging, you may want to talk to him about what is happening: Is he 分离,你会想跟他发生了什么:是他 uninterested in the material? Is he confused? Is he overwhelmed? Is he 对材料不感兴趣吗?他困惑吗?他不知所措吗?他是 behind? Is the classroom too noisy? Keep up a dialogue with him to help 后面呢?教室里太吵了吗?与他帮助保持对话 him problem solve. 他解决问题。 Middle School 中学 During the middle school years, many innies struggle with feeling different. 在中学期间,许多innies斗争的感觉不同。 Your child will need help recognizing her strengths since she is no doubt 你的孩子需要帮助识别优势因为她是毫无疑问的 becoming more aware that she isn’t the American ideal. Encouraging her 越来越意识到她不是美国的理想。鼓励她 gifts and her personal interests will help her accept her differentness. The 礼物和个人利益将帮助她接受她的其实。的 fact is that most kids are outies. Knowing this validates your introverted 事实是,大多数孩子都是形状。知道这验证你的内向 child’s sense of being different and also frees her to be who she is. Feeling 孩子的不同,也使她的感觉是她是谁。感觉 accepted by family and a few friends—plus finding interests that spark her 接受家人和几个friends-plus发现引发她的利益 fancy—goes a long way to balance the realization that she may not be the fancy-goes很长一段路要平衡意识到她可能不是 most outgoing or popular student in school. 最外向或受欢迎的学生在学校。 Middle school consumes lots of energy for innies. They have to manage the 中学innies消耗了大量的能源。他们必须管理 increasing pressure of tests and handling several classes at once. This is 越来越大的压力的测试和处理几个类。这是 another period of learning new basic skills—skills they will need for high 另一段学习新的基本skills-skills他们需要高 school and college. One such skill is note taking. Innies’ slower auditory 学校和大学。这样的一个技能是笔记。Innies听觉的放缓 pathway can make this difficult. One system that works well for innies is the 途径可以让这个困难。一个系统,适用于innies three-column system: Fold a piece of paper into three sections. Show your 三列系统:一张纸折叠成三个部分。展示你的 child how to write main points in one column, more details about those 孩子在一列如何编写要点,关于那些的更多细节 points in the second column, and, after class, make any further comments 在第二列,下课后,作出任何进一步的评论 that seem important in the third column. You can also help her prioritize 在第三列,重要。你也可以帮她优先考虑 assignments and break longer projects into shorter steps. 作业和更长的项目分解成短的步骤。 Feeling comfortable socially and emotionally is all entwined with 感觉舒适的社会和情感上都是交织在一起的 learning—and never more than in the middle school years. Kids at this age 学习和从未在中学多年。孩子在这个年龄 may drift away a bit if parents don’t make efforts to maintain a connection. 可能会渐渐疏远,如果父母不努力保持连接。 Show an interest in what your child is learning at school. If she is studying 什么感兴趣你的孩子在学校学习。如果她学习 156 156年 famous painters, for instance, take her to a museum or take books out of the 著名的画家,例如,带她去一个博物馆或书的 library that describe the painters’ lives. Model friendly behaviors that are 库,描述了画家的生命。友好的行为模型 hard for your innie, such as joining a table full of strangers when you’re at a 之类的硬innie,加入一个充满陌生人,当你在一个表 community event. You can tell your innie, “Let’s squeeze in with those 社区活动。你可以告诉你的innie”,让我们挤在一起 folks. ” Then say, “Hi, this is my daughter Gretchen and I’m Lindsey. The 人。“那么说,“嗨,这是我女儿格雷琴和我林赛。的 food here is great, isn’t it?” 食物在这里很好,不是吗?” During these school years, there are more after-school activities available to 在这些学校,有更多的课外活动 your child, such as Scouts, school enrichment classes like extra science 你的孩子,如童子军、学校浓缩类像额外的科学 courses, 4-H, sports, arts and crafts—and you can encourage her to take 课程,4 - h、体育、艺术和手工艺品和你可以鼓励她 advantage of them. Suggest she try one new thing each semester. 利用它们。建议她每学期尝试一件新事物。 Remember that it’s important for your innie to know that you are in her 记住,重要的是你innie知道你在她 corner. Also bear in mind that learning happens both in and out of school. 角落里。也记住,学习发生在学校。 The middle school years are especially difficult because, to some 中学年尤其困难,因为一些 extent, all kids feel off-kilter during this period of adolescence. Keep 程度上,在此期间所有的孩子感到怪异的青春期。保持 reminding your child of her advantages and help her boost up her internal 提醒你的孩子她的优势,帮助她提高她的内部 talk so she doesn’t fall into self-criticism. She is still coming into her own. 所以她不落入自我批评。她还进入她自己的。 High School 高中 Many innies tell me they hated high school. It’s loud, crowded, and bursting 许多innies告诉我他们讨厌高中。它是嘈杂、拥挤、和破裂 with group social pressure. Innies are often out of step because, at this stage, 与集团的社会压力。Innies经常的,因为在这个阶段, they are ready for a richer learning experience. The best tack is to find ways 他们准备好了丰富的学习经验。最好的方法是找到方法 to fit in that suit an innie’s strengths. Learning the intrinsic value of 那件衣服内凹的优势。学习的内在价值 marching to one’s own drummer can make high school tolerable. Plus 走自己的鼓手可以使高中还过得去。+ there’s always the knowledge that college will be better. 总是有知识,大学会更好。 In high school, innies are probably working harder than ever to balance their 在高中,innies可能比以往任何时候都更加努力的工作来平衡自己 private time with socializing time, which takes their energy. Encourage 私人时间和社交时间,这需要他们的能量。鼓励 them to take some downtime, though it may not seem convenient (or cool). 他们采取一些停机时间,尽管它可能不方便(酷)。 Sleep is key; sleep researchers have proven that teenage brains need more 睡眠是关键;睡眠研究人员证明,青少年的大脑需要更多 sleep to grow. 睡眠增加。 An innie teenager may be sensitive about being seen as a nerd or a geek. 内凹的少年可能敏感被视为书呆子或怪胎。 Suggest that your child take some classes that aren’t academic, like acting or 建议你的孩子带一些类,不是学术,像表演或 photography, or get involved in extracurricular activities that will introduce 摄影,或将参与课外活动 him or her to a broader range of kids. Playing in the band, working on the 他或她更广泛的孩子。玩乐队,在工作 school newspaper, or playing on sports teams may allow your innie to meet 学校报纸,或参加运动队可能让innie满足 new kids, or to show himself in a new light to kids he already knows. Some 新孩子,或者给自己一个新的光的孩子他都已经知道了。一些 innies like to debate, since it provides a structured way to discuss things innies喜欢辩论,因为它提供了一个结构化的方法来讨论事情 they feel strongly about. Encourage volunteering outside of school to 他们感觉强烈。鼓励学校外的志愿活动 develop interests and a sense of responsibility. Or, if they’re keen on 发展兴趣和责任感。或者,如果他们喜欢 157 157年 exploring a particular career, help innie teens find an unpaid internship 探索一个特定的职业,帮助innie青少年找到一个无薪实习 where they may be able to help out while gaining a glimpse of the field. 他们也许能够帮助而获得的。 Sometimes innies get bored in high school. They may want to study only 在高中有时innies感到无聊。他们可能想要学习 subjects they like. See if you can find a way to link school material with 他们喜欢的科目。看看你能不能找到一种方法来联系学校材料 your innie’s interests and experiences. Discuss these ideas with him, and see 你innie的利益和经验。与他讨论这些想法,看看 if he can reframe his experience at school. It’s an important talent in life to 如果他能在学校重塑他的经验。在生活中这是一个重要的人才 not only know what interests us but to also know how to make a subject 不仅知道什么利益我们也知道如何做一个主题 compelling. All through life it’s necessary to engage in some things we 引人注目。一生都有必要参与一些事情 don’t find too fascinating. If the topic at hand is a particular era in history, 不觉得太迷人。如果手头的话题是一个特定时代的历史, are there biographies available, family roots investigations to be undertaken, 有可用的传记,家庭根源是开展调查, or museums about the period your teen could visit to bring the dry facts to 或者有关你的孩子时期的博物馆可以访问把干燥的事实 life? 的生活? Two other factors can impede an innie’s performance in high school. One is 另外两个因素会妨碍内凹在高中的表现。一个是 the fear of standing out. Girls, especially, often undermine their own talents 站的恐惧。特别是女孩,经常破坏自己的人才 so as not to attract attention, or to avoid being teased for being smart. The 为了不引起注意,或者避免被嘲笑是聪明的。的 second factor is rebellion. These reactions grow out of low self-esteem and, 第二个因素是叛乱。这些反应的低自尊, at times, anger at a parent or other authority figure. Your innie may also be 有时,愤怒在父母或其他权威人物。你innie也可以 scared about growing up, and even sabotage his school performance. 害怕长大,甚至破坏他在学校的表现。 Remember, innies feel best when they are prepared. Know that he needs to 记住,innies准备他们感觉最好的时候。知道他需要 practice organizational and time-management skills. These skills will give 实践的组织和时间管理能力。这些技能将会给 your innie teen confidence in his ability to live independently. Remain an 你innie青少年对他独立生活的能力的信心。保持一个 ally as he wrangles his way though high school, even though at times he 盟友和他争论虽然高中,即使有时他 may reject your presence and help. He may still need your assistance to 可能会拒绝你的存在和帮助。他可能仍然需要你的帮助 manage his schedule, plan his classes, and strategize how to approach his 他管理他的时间表,计划类,策划如何处理他的 schoolwork. Walk that fine line between helping him to problem solve while 学业。行走之间帮助他解决问题 encouraging his sense of responsibility. 鼓励他的责任感。
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快樂 (流畅感。) 楼主 2016-04-21 16:02:14
不知为什么 这里又加了一段关于右脑和左脑的特点的段落 右脑有大局观、视觉第一 左脑喜细节逻辑推理
The Forest and the Trees 森林和树木 “It is by logic that we prove, but by intuition that we discover. ” —Henri “这是我们证明的逻辑,但凭直觉,我们发现。“亨利 Poincaré 庞加莱 As discussed in Chapter 2, the right and left hemispheres of the brain often 正如在第二章所讨论的,大脑的左右半球 operate independently of each other. The right brain perceives the forest; the 彼此独立的运作。右脑感知森林; left brain sees and assesses each individual tree. But the two must work 左脑和评估每个树。但是这两个必须的工作 together to unite such functions as thoughts and feelings, and unconscious 一起团结等功能的想法和感受,和无意识 and conscious processing. Children who are right-brained dominant are in 并有意识的处理。孩子右脑主导 the minority. Most elementary and secondary schools are designed for 少数。大多数中小学设计 left-brained extroverts, as this is the majority of our population. Most 左脑外向的,因为这是我们大部分的人口。大多数 teachers are also left-brained extroverts—until you reach the college level. 老师也左extroverts-until你达到大学水平。 158 158年 Leading brain researcher Daniel Siegel, M.D. , says, “Someone has got to 导致大脑研究员丹尼尔•西格尔医学博士说,“有人要 stand up for the right hemisphere! Remember, the right-hemisphere brain 站起来为右半球!记住,大脑右半球 processes are important for self-regulation, a sense of self, and empathetic 过程是重要的自律,自我意识和善解人意 connections to others. ” Like introverted children, right-brained children 连接到其他人。“像内向的孩子,儿童右脑发达 often have trouble in school. In fact, some brain experts think attention 在学校经常有麻烦。事实上,一些大脑专家认为的注意 deficit disorder (ADD) is not a disability but rather that it reflects right-side 缺乏症(ADD)不是一个残疾人,而是反映了右侧 dominance. I think that it may be possible that attention-deficit/hyperactivity 主导地位。我认为这是可能的,注意缺陷/多动 disorder (ADHD) may be right-brained extroversion, and ADD may be 障碍(ADHD)可能是右脑发达外向,并添加 right-brained introversion. In that sense, these conditions simply reflect 右脑内向。在这个意义上,只是反映了这些条件 different brain strengths rather than being actual disabilities. 不同的大脑优势而不是真正的障碍。 Left-brain skills are used in learning the three Rs (reading, writing, 左脑技能用于学习三个Rs(阅读、写作、 and ’rithmetic) and the three Ls (linear thought, logic, and language). But 和算术)和三个Ls(线性思维、逻辑和语言)。但 this orientation has limitations, such as too great a focus on details, 这种取向有一定的局限性,如太大关注细节, black-and-white thinking, resistance to new information, and not grasping 黑白思考,抵抗新的信息,而不是贪婪 the big picture. Right-brain abilities include recognizing patterns, noticing 大局。右脑能力包括识别模式,注意到这一点 bodily and emotional sensations, comprehending the big picture, using and 身体和情感上的感觉,使用和理解大局 understanding symbolism, artistic creativity, and receptiveness to new 理解象征意义、艺术创作和接受新知识 information. However, the right hemisphere is limited in verbal language, 信息。然而,在口头语言,右脑是有限的 has difficulty narrowing down, and is prone to becoming overwhelmed. 有困难缩小,容易变得不知所措。 Knowing your child’s brain dominance helps to bolster his strengths and 了解你的孩子的大脑有助于巩固他的优势和主导地位 may explain certain limitations. Below are strategies for right- and 也许可以解释某些局限性。下面是正确的策略, left-brained children. 左脑的孩子。 Right-Brained Children Learn Best When You: 右脑发达孩子学习最好的时候: • Use visuals, metaphors, and music. •使用视觉效果,隐喻,和音乐。 • Create unstructured time for class work and activities. •创建结构化时间类的工作和活动。 • Assist with time management and conflict resolution. •协助时间管理和解决冲突。 • Provide room for spontaneous reactions and emerging information. •提供自发反应和新兴的空间信息。 • Allow flexibility to pursue alternative assignments or take creative •允许灵活性,寻求可替代的作业或创意 approaches. 方法。 • Value the student’s empathy and unique perspective. •重视学生的同情心和独特的视角。 • Connect material to other people and to the child’s own life and •材料连接到别人的孩子的生命 experience. 体验。 • Respond with encouragement and use criticism sparingly and carefully. •使用鼓励和批评回应谨慎和小心。 159 159年 • Recognize and acknowledge right-brain attributes like curiosity and •意识到并承认的好奇心和右脑属性 creativity. 创造力。 Left-Brained Children Learn Best When You: 左孩子学习最好的时候: • Create structure, clear expectations, and grading criteria. •创建结构,明确的期望,和评分标准。 • Use concrete cause-and-effect reasoning. •使用具体的因果推理。 • Validate left-brain attributes, like being good with words and numbers. •验证左脑属性,像是好文字和数字。 • Provide opportunities for critical thinking and problem solving. •提供批判性思维和解决问题的机会。 • Create opportunities for debates and oral reports. •创建辩论和口头报告的机会。 • Expand students’ ability to be flexible and to reflect before making •拓展学生的能力非常灵活,反映之前 decisions. 决策。 • Teach the value of differences between others and the benefits of group •教别人的价值差异和组织的好处 decision making. 决策。 • Offer chances to use investigative skills to create independent work. •提供机会使用调查技巧创建独立工作。 • Minimize acknowledgement of flaws in people, things, and ideas. •减少确认缺陷的人,事,和想法。 • Reward success; minimize emphasis on failure. •奖励成功;强调失败最小化。 • Balance competition with cooperation. •平衡竞争与合作。 Education is not a one-size-fits-all enterprise. We’re still learning about how 教育不是一个放之四海而皆准的企业。我们还学习如何 different settings, teaching styles, and educational modalities work for 不同的设置、教学方式和教育方式工作 different students. By understanding how innies experience school, you will 不同的学生。通过理解innies经验学校,你会 be able to help your child get the most out of his education. 能够帮助你的孩子获得最大的从他的教育。
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快樂 (流畅感。) 楼主 2016-04-21 16:34:41
这部分似乎有些重了 也可能是她觉得有些心得还没有完全写到位 中间有些小方法，可以从负面心理转换到正面心理的小窍门 培养阅读的办法、 里面竟然还引用了一句拉伯雷的笑话！
Support Your Introvert at School and on the Playing 支持你的内向的人在学校玩 Field 场 Lend a Helping Hand with Teachers, Studying, Homework, Preparing 伸出援助之手与教师、学习,作业,准备 for College, and the Sports Scene 大学,和体育 “A child is not a vase to be filled but a fire to be lit.” —Rabelais “孩子不是一个花瓶,但火点燃。”拉伯雷 Innies are born learners; that is what they’re hardwired for. They are quiet Innies是天生的学习者,这就是他们天生的。他们是安静的 observers who enjoy working independently and are always reflecting. They 观察人士喜欢独立工作,总是反映。他们 need information that is stimulating to feed their brain pathways. If their 需要的信息刺激来满足他们的大脑通路。如果他们的 parents and teachers understand the way they think, they will flourish in the 父母和老师了解他们的思维方式,他们将蓬勃发展 classroom. 教室。 Unfortunately, because most traditional school environments aren’t 不幸的是,因为大多数传统学校环境不是 designed for introverted children, innies must expend a lot of energy to 专为内向的孩子,innies必须消耗大量的能量 function in them. Often they don’t get much encouragement, since they may 函数。通常他们不会得到太多的鼓励,因为他们可能 be unseen and misunderstood. It is incumbent on temperament-wise parents 看不见的和误解。现任temperament-wise父母 to ensure that their introverted children are taught in an appropriate, 以确保他们的内向的孩子在一个适当的教导, meaningful way. This will mean taking an active role in your child’s 有意义的方式。这将意味着在你孩子的积极作用 schooling—which has positive benefits for students and their families. schooling-which为学生和他们的家庭有积极的好处。 Don’t Let Teachers Be Strangers 不要让老师是陌生人 You may want to talk to your child’s teacher (or teachers) about your child’s 你可能想要跟孩子的老师对孩子的(或老师) temperament and how he is “wired. ” If his teacher understands about his 气质和他如何“连接。“如果他的老师对他的理解 temperament, she or he is more likely to accommodate your child’s learning 气质,他或她更容易适应孩子的学习 style. Try to form an alliance with the teacher. Tell her about your child’s 风格。试着与老师形成一个联盟。告诉她关于你的孩子的 needs and behaviors at home if you think it will shed light on the school 国内需求和行为如果你认为它将揭示学校 situation. Assure the teacher that your child likes to learn—but at his own 的情况。向老师保证,你的孩子喜欢在自己的学习 pace. You can describe instances that demonstrate your child’s interest in 的步伐。你可以描述实例演示你的孩子的兴趣 the schoolwork, such as an animated conversation you and your child had on 作业,比如你和你的孩子在一种动画对话 a given topic. The teacher may be surprised, and encouraged. If there are 一个给定的话题。老师可能会惊讶,鼓励。如果有 particular teaching methods your child finds difficult, such as quickly 特定的教学方法孩子发现困难,如快 moving on to a new topic, ask about these. Sometimes understanding the 开始一个新的话题,问关于这些。有时候理解 reason behind what the teacher does will allow you to either prepare your 原因什么老师会让你准备 child better or find ways to work around the problem. Ask the teacher 孩子更好的找到解决问题的方法。问老师 what you can do to make school more productive for your child. 你可以做些什么来让你的孩子学校更有效率。 161 161年 As you talk to the teacher, try to guess if she is an innie or an outie. This 当你跟老师,试图想如果她是内凹或外突出了。这 will enable you to talk to her in her own language and thus help you better 将使你去跟她说话,从而帮助您更好地在自己的语言 convey your child’s needs. (See “Be ‘Bilingual’: How to Speak Both Innie 传达你的孩子的需要。(参见“是“双语”:Innie如何说话 and Outie” on page 247.) Does she have quiet energy, organize few group 和外”247页。)她有安静的能量,组织几组 activities, expect children to have creative ideas, and keep a fairly structured 活动,希望孩子有创意,并保持一个相当结构化 classroom? She may be an innie. Does your child’s teacher have lots of 教室吗?她可能是内凹。你的孩子的老师有很多吗 energy, encourage lots of group activities, expect classroom discussion, and 能源,鼓励大量的集体活动,希望课堂讨论, maintain a lively atmosphere with lots going on? He may be an outie. 维持一个活跃的气氛有很多?他可能是一个外。 Think about temperament when you talk to piano teachers, coaches, and 考虑气质当你和钢琴老师,教练,和 other educators. For instance, sports coaches are often outies who think all 其他教育工作者。例如,体育教练往往认为所有的形状 children have the same level of energy and motivation as they do! 孩子有相同级别的能量和动力,因为他们做的! Tips for Talking with Teachers: 与老师交谈技巧: • Develop a relationship with the teachers, principal, and staff at your child’s •发展与教师的关系,在孩子的校长,和工作人员 school from the beginning. 学校从一开始。 • Help out in your child’s classroom or find other ways to support the school. •帮助你的孩子在教室里或找到其他方法来支持学校。 This shows the teacher and your child that the school is important to you. 这显示了学校的老师,你的孩子对你很重要。 • Remember that teaching is an enormously difficult job. Avoid blaming or •请记住,教学是一个非常困难的工作。避免指责或 criticizing the teacher. Consider sending a thank-you note or e-mail—or just 老师批评。考虑发送一封感谢信或e-mail-or而已 say thanks—every now and then. 说感谢。 • Plan what you want to say about your innie and introversion. For instance: •计划你想说什么你innie和内向。例如: “Pat really likes you and enjoys the class. She has an active mind, and the “帕特真的喜欢你,喜欢这个班。她有一个活跃的头脑,和 classroom can be overstimulating for her. She has a lot to say when she has 教室可以经由她。她说当她很多 time to develop her thoughts. I think you will be surprised with the results. 时间来开发她的想法。我想你会对这个结果感到惊讶。 What have you found is successful with a student like Pat?” 你发现是成功的一个学生喜欢帕特吗?” • Be open to the teacher’s view; you may not have the whole story. •能接受老师的观点,你可能没有故事的全部。 Knowing that he has an ally at home who can advocate for him if necessary 知道他有一个盟友在家谁能支持他,如果必要的 will help your innie deal with the ongoing challenges of school. It may be a 能帮助你innie处理学校的持续挑战。它可能是一个 matter of a teacher not understanding a student, as with Julianne, whose 老师不理解学生,与朱莉安娜的 story begins the previous chapter. Or it may be that the student is always 故事开始前一章。或者它可能是学生总是 rushed and never given a chance to finish work. Or you may feel your child 冲,从未有机会来完成工作。或者你可能会觉得你的孩子 is being unfairly penalized for work habits that are related to temperament. 被不公平地惩罚气质相关的工作习惯。 The point is that you can’t assume the teacher is necessarily going to figure 关键是你不能假设老师一定会图 out the best way to reach your child. An extroverted parent may fall more 达到你的孩子的最佳方式。一个外向的家长可能会更多 easily into the advocating role. An innie parent may choose to send her 容易到倡导作用。内凹的父母可以选择送她 extroverted spouse or to strengthen her own extroverting muscles. When 外向的配偶或加强自己的外向的肌肉。当 you understand what your child isconfronting at school, you can help him 你了解你的孩子isconfronting在学校,你可以帮助他 162 162年 prepare and draw on the family brain trust to find creative solutions. Rather 准备和利用家庭智囊团找到创造性的解决方案。而 than feeling affronted by your suggestions, the teacher should thank you. 比感觉冒犯了你的建议,教师应该谢谢你。 Innie-wise Study Secrets Innie-wise研究秘密 Innies are wired to be good at studying, with their tenacity and ability to Innies连线是善于学习,与他们的毅力和能力 concentrate. Like all kids, however, they may need some help in creating 集中精神。但是,就像所有的孩子,他们在创造可能需要一些帮助 good study habits. Study skills are greatly helped when the student 良好的学习习惯。学习技能时极大地帮助学生 appreciates his own learning style. Here are some study tips that build on 赞赏自己的学习风格。这里有一些学习的基础上 innie strengths. innie优势。 Memorizing 记忆 Innies primarily use their long-term associative memory. They remember Innies主要使用他们的长期联想记忆。他们记得 better when they can link new learning to personal memory, and when they 更好的时可以联系新的学习个人记忆,当他们 can engage their visual and auditory memory systems. They tend to be 可以接触他们的视觉和听觉记忆系统。他们往往是 weaker in their short-term memory, which impacts word retrieval and math 较弱的在他们的短期记忆,从而影响词检索和数学 skills. 技能。 Here are some suggestions to help them maximize their memory power. 这里有一些建议来帮助他们最大化他们的记忆力。 • Link new material to something she already knows (learn fractions through •联系她已经知道新材料(学习分数 cooking, money with allowances, etc.). 烹饪,钱津贴等)。 • Create acronyms, word associations, and silly sayings. It’s easier for innies •创建缩略词、词关联和愚蠢的语录。这对于innies容易多了 to retrieve material when it’s in an associative form. 获取材料的时候在一个关联的形式。 • Tie new information to visual mental pictures. For instance, if your child is •将新信息与视觉心理图片。例如,如果你的孩子 learning about Abe Lincoln, show her illustrations of Lincoln in various 学习林肯,显示她在各种林肯的插图 situations. 的情况。 • Review, review, and (oh, yes) review. •审查,审查,(是的)审查。 Studying 研究 I am always shocked when kids say they aren’t smart because they need to 我总是震惊当孩子们说他们不聪明,因为他们需要 study. This misperception is a reflection of our cultural assumptions about 研究。这种误解是反映了我们的文化假设 speed being better. Speed isn’t necessarily better. Learning to study is vital 速度是更好的。速度并不一定更好。学习研究是至关重要的 for all kids, and it’s crucial for innies, who need to learn in small steps that 为所有的孩子,对innies至关重要,在小的步骤,需要学习 build from the simple to the complex. 构建从简单到复杂。 Turn Up Your Encouraging Word 打开你的鼓励的话 163 163年 Keep an eye out for how your innie talks to herself, and model positive 留意你的innie如何谈判,积极和模型 internal self-talk. Important for anyone’s self-esteem, this is vital for innies 内部自言自语。对任何人的自尊很重要,这对于innies是至关重要的 because their dominant pathway goes through the internal speech area of the 因为他们的主要通路经过的内部言语区 brain. Here are steps you can teach your innie for switching negative 大脑。下面是步骤你可以教innie切换为负 self-talk to positive self-talk: 自言自语,积极的自我暗示:
- Notice what you’re thinking: “I am so lame.”
1。注意到你在想什么:“我的”。 2. Attend to the feelings under the thought: “I am disappointed and 2。参加思想下的感受:“我很失望 frustrated that I didn’t get a higher grade.” 沮丧,我没有得到更高的分数。” 3. Turn up your encouraging word: “It’s okay to be disappointed. I worked 3所示。打开你的鼓励的话:“没关系要失望了。我工作 hard on the paper. Maybe I need to learn something to improve my grade. 在纸上。也许我需要学习提高我的成绩。 There will always be another paper to work on.” 总会有另一篇论文。” Some other encouraging words for a variety of situations: 其他一些鼓励的话语为各种不同的情况: “It’s frustrating sometimes, but life isn’t always fair.” “这是有时令人沮丧,但是生活并非总是公平的。” “I don’t like this, but I can cope.” “我不喜欢这个,但我能应付。” “I’m doing the best I can.” “我做我能做的最好的。” “All humans have crummy things happen to them.” “所有人类肮脏的事情发生在他们身上。” “I’m sad today. It will pass.” “今天我很难过。一切都会过去的。” And my personal favorite: “Humans are weird and so am I.” 我个人最喜欢的:“人类是奇怪的,我也是。” • Watch to see if your child is avoiding studying as a way of reducing •看,看看你的孩子避免学习的减少 overstimulation. Innies usually enjoy studying and do their homework 过度刺激。Innies通常享受学习和做作业 without prompting. However, they may try to avoid entering into their deep 没有出现提示。然而,他们可能试图避免进入深度 concentration zone if they anticipate interruption because it can be painful to 浓度区如果他们预计中断,因为它可以是痛苦的 leave the interesting book or topic to return to the outside world. Also, they 离开这个有趣的书或主题回到外面的世界。同时,他们 have very active minds, and learning something new can actually be too 有非常活跃的思维,学习新的东西可以吗 exciting. To avoid this discomfort—which they probably aren’t even aware 令人兴奋的。为了避免这种discomfort-which他们可能甚至不知道 of—they may avoid studying to keep their brain from going into overdrive. 他们可能会避免研究阻止他们的大脑进入超速运转。 It helps if you explain this strange phenomenon to your innie and teach her 它帮助如果你解释这一奇怪现象innie和教她 how to keep overstimulation at bay. She can learn to say, “Okay, brain, hold 如何保持过度刺激。她能学会说,“好吧,大脑 the flood of thoughts. ” This gives her a chance to step back. 洪水的想法。“这给了她一个后退的机会。 Help Your Innie at Home 帮助你Innie在家 You can prime your introverted child’s learning power at home. Innies need 你可以'你内向的孩子在家的学习力量。Innies需要 lively conversations, artistic experiences, and an environment where 活泼的对话、艺术经验,和一个环境中 questions are welcomed. They also need room to toy with ideas, dream, 问题是欢迎的。他们也需要空间去玩弄的想法,梦想, 164 164年 invent, and contemplate. Activities that correspond with their ideas and 发明和考虑。活动与他们的想法相对应 abilities will boost their “connecting dots” and stimulate their perceptions, 能力将提高他们的“连接点”,激发他们的感知, ideas, and insights. You can equip your child with an understanding of how 想法和见解。你可以让你的孩子了解 he learns best. Furthermore, encouragement from family members will build 他学习最好的。此外,鼓励家庭成员将建立 confidence and support his native tenacity. 信任和支持他的家乡坚韧。 Here are some ways to build your innie’s love of learning and brainpower 这里有一些方法来构建innie的热爱学习和智力 every day: 每一天: • Read aloud to your children, no matter how old they are, and play audio •大声朗读你的孩子,不管他们多大了,和播放音频 books in the car. Create reading nooks. Take books along for waits at the 书在车上。创建阅读角落。带书的等待 dentist’s or doctor’s office. Have your emergent reader read anything to 牙医或医生的办公室。你的紧急读者读什么吗 you—even labels and receipts. 和危险性标签和收据。 • When you’re reading aloud, stop a book near the end of the story and ask, •当你大声朗读时,停止一本书在故事的结尾,问, “What is going to happen? ” or “What do you want to happen? ” This opens “会发生什么?”或者“你想发生什么呢?“这将打开 your child’s mind to different possibilities and alternatives. 孩子的思想不同的可能性和备选方案。 • Make dinner-as-a-family a special time to talk about current events and •让dinner-as-a-family谈论时事和一个特殊的时间 discuss what each family member is doing at school or work. 讨论每个家庭成员在做什么在学校或工作。 • Play “What If? ” Each person writes up a “What If” card, such as “What if I •玩“如果什么?“每个人写了一个“如果”卡,如“如果我 lived on the moon? ” or “What if we had a pet elephant? ” Choose one and 住在月球上吗?”或“如果我们有一个宠物象什么?“选择一个和 muse over the possibilities. 缪斯的可能性。 • Leave notes, like lunch-box messages or scavenger-hunt notes, that lead to •离开指出,像饭盒消息或寻宝游戏笔记,导致 a small surprise and encourage your child to leave notes for you. Innies of 一个小惊喜和鼓励你的孩子留言给你。Innies的 all ages like finding and leaving notes. 所有年龄段喜欢发现和留下的笔记。 • Suggest that you help her start by sitting with her or by breaking the work •建议你帮她先坐着或破坏工作 into manageable bits. 成可管理的部分。 • Remind her that taking small steps beats trying to tackle too much at once. •提醒她,采取小步骤比试图解决太多。 • Highlight with different color markers and Post-its. Visual learners •强调不同的颜色标记和便签纸。视觉型学习者 remember color better, so underlining any reading in color improves their 记住颜色更好,所以强调任何颜色可以提高他们的阅读 retention and comprehension. Markers of any kind break the information 保留和理解。任何打破信息的标记 into manageable segments. 成可管理的部分。 • Innies are visual and/or auditory learners. Have her listen to tapes or watch •Innies是视觉或听觉学习者。让她听磁带或手表吗 videos about study topics. Let her listen to music if it helps her to relax and 视频关于研究主题。让她听音乐放松,如果它帮助她 concentrate. 集中精神。 165 165年 Testing 测试 Innies need to feel well prepared and relaxed in order to do their best on a Innies需要充分的准备和放松为了做他们最好的一个 test. Outies may think its fun to feel juiced and jolted, and it may actually 测试。形状可能认为它有趣感觉喝醉的,拽了一下,它实际上可能 improve their performance. But adrenaline and dopamine reduce an innie’s 改善他们的表现。但肾上腺素和多巴胺减少内凹的 ability to think and show what she knows, so it’s best to stave off the rush. 思考的能力,让她知道什么,所以最好避开高峰。 • Be sure she is rested and has had enough water and protein. •确保她休息,有足够的水和蛋白质。 • Teach her to calm down, take breaks, and breathe deeply. •教她冷静下来,休息,和深呼吸。 • Teach her to use her internal voice to be encouraging. •教她使用内部的声音是令人鼓舞的。 • Tell her to remind herself that she will remember what she has learned. •告诉她提醒自己,她会记得她已经懂得了什么。 • Have her scan the test, read directions carefully, and answer what she •她扫描测试,仔细阅读方向,回答她 knows first. Once she finds the door into long-term memory, she will be 先知道。一旦她发现门到长期记忆,她会 okay. 好吧。 Class Discussions 课堂讨论 Innies tend to hang back during class discussions and may freeze when Innies往往挂在课堂讨论时可能会冻结 called on. The following tips will give your child enough confidence to raise 呼吁。下面的建议会给孩子足够的信心提升 her hand on her own. 她的手在她自己的。 • Have her break reading into sections and determine the main point in each •让她阅读分解成部分,并确定了主要观点 section. This will help ready her to ask a question, make a comment, or 部分。这将帮助准备她问一个问题,评论,或 answer a question. 回答一个问题。 • Have her prepare for class by selecting two main points, writing them •让她准备类通过选择两个要点,写他们 down, and practicing saying them aloud. 下来,并大声练习说。 • Have her come up with one question to ask about the material in class. •让她想出一个问题在课堂上问一下材料。 Group Dynamics 团体动力学 When working in groups, innies often end up doing most of the work 当在团体工作,innies常常做的大部分工作 because they enjoy exploring subjects in depth and care about doing a good 由于他们喜欢探索研究在深度和关心做得好 job. If the others aren’t hard workers, the innie gets the bulk of it. I have 的工作。如果别人不工作努力,innie得到它的大部分。我有 many innies who have learned to negotiate so that they prepare a certain 许多innies已经学会谈判,这样他们一定做好准备 amount of the project and an outie then presents it. 的项目和一个外然后礼物。 166 166年 Minimize Homework Havoc 减少家庭作业的破坏 “Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions “家用电脑被要求执行许多新功能 including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog. ” —Doug 包括消费作业以前被狗吃掉。“道格 Larson 拉森 For homework to have value, your child has to be able to give it time and 家庭作业有价值,你的孩子已经能够给它时间 attention. Trying to cram a dozen math problems into the five minutes 的关注。尝试各种方法,试图把十几个数学问题到五分钟 remaining before bedtime will only leave everybody frustrated—and the 每个人都沮丧和剩余睡前才会离开 work incomplete or badly done. Together with your child, figure out the best 工作严重不完整或完成。与你的孩子一起,找出最好的 time to do homework. Help him to assess his energy level and know his 做作业的时候了。帮助他评估他的能量水平,知道他的 peaks and valleys. What is his easiest or hardest subject? Which should he 高峰和低谷。他的简单或困难的主题是什么?应该他 do first? How should he prioritize? Does he want to reward himself by 首先做什么?他应该如何排序?他想要奖励自己吗 having dessert after he finishes his work? Don’t overschedule your child so 在他完成工作后甜点吗?不要过度计划你的孩子 that homework ends up being rushed. Innies aren’t at their best when 最终被冲,作业。Innies并不在他们最好的时候 pressured; they’ll just get discouraged. Unless they are tired or struggling 压力,他们就会气馁。除非他们累了或挣扎 with the material, innies will usually readily do homework. Be flexible 还有材料,通常会容易做家庭作业。是灵活的 where possible and don’t make a fetish of homework; be sure your innie has 在可能的情况下,不要迷恋作业;确保你的innie吗 play and creative time. 玩和创造性。 When it comes to homework, your innie may: 作业时,你的innie可能: • Want you nearby. •希望你附近。 • Need a snack and some time alone first. •需要零食和一些独处的时间。 • Do well with several breaks. Start by doing his math homework, then pick •与几个优惠。先做数学作业,然后挑选 up his sister at her music lesson. Then do his science homework.… 他的妹妹在她的音乐的教训。然后做科学作业。… • Be able to work in the car on the way back from school or after-school •能够从学校回来的路上,在车里或课后 activities. 活动。 • Prefer working after dinner or after a bath. •喜欢晚饭后或洗澡后工作。 • Need to strategize on finding quiet spots, especially if in after-school care. •需要制定策略找到安静的地方,尤其是在课后照顾。 Providing Homework Help 提供作业帮助 You can encourage your innie to break projects into small steps spaced out 你可以鼓励你的innie项目分解成小步骤间隔 over several days. For example, on Monday, read requirements and get any 超过几天。例如,周一,阅读要求和得到任何 necessary supplies. Tuesday, research topic. Wednesday, write down main 必要的物资。星期二,研究课题。周三,主要写下来 ideas. Thursday, try a draft. Friday, go over it with a parent and revise. 的想法。周四,试试草案。周五,父母和修改。 Finish over the weekend and turn in on Monday. Here are some other ways 在周末完成,将在周一。这里有一些其他的方式 to give an innie homework help: 向内凹的作业帮助: 167 167年 • Set up a quiet space protected from interruption. Make readily available •建立一个安静的空间免受干扰。做现成的 supplies and nutritious snacks. 供应和有营养的零食。 • Discourage perfectionism. Point out that everybody, including you, makes •让完美主义。指出,每个人,包括你, mistakes. 错误。 • Remind your innie that he needs to sleep on what he’s learning. By •提醒你innie他需要睡在他的学习。通过 studying tonight, he will know it better tomorrow. 今晚学习,他将知道它美好的明天。 • If he’s struggling, listen to his concerns and ask what he needs. Keep •如果他挣扎,听他的担忧,问他需要什么。保持 asking questions to help him clarify his thoughts and feelings. Don’t think 问问题来帮助他澄清他的思想和感情。不认为 you know more than he does; he’s the one in the classroom. 你比他懂得多,他是一个在教室里。 • Encourage him to use mental pictures to jog his memory. •鼓励他使用心理图片唤起他的记忆。 • Help him find a personal connection with what he is learning. “This tells •帮他找一个个人与他的学习。“这告诉 you about how cells work in the body. You are starting with this one type of 你体内的细胞是如何工作的。你从这一种类型的 cell. Is that right? Isn’t it amazing that all these tiny cells work together to 细胞。是这样吗?是不是惊人,所有这些微小的细胞共同努力 make one organ, and then they make a whole person?” 做一个器官,然后做一个完整的人吗?” • Ask process questions to help him think through problems, but don’t do his •过程提问帮助他思考问题,但不要做他的 work for him. For example: “What do you think is the most important point? 为他工作。例如:“你认为最重要的一点是什么? Why do you think your teacher wants you to know this? How do you think 为什么你认为你的老师想要你知道吗?你怎么认为 that happened?” 发生了什么?” • Encourage helpful self-talk. “I can do this. ” “It will get done step-by-step.” •鼓励有益的自言自语。“我可以这么做。”“它会一步一步完成。” “I know more than I did yesterday.” “我昨天比我知道的更多。” • Help him connect the homework to his own life. If he is learning about •帮助他作业连接到自己的生命。如果他学习 money, ask him: “How many Baby Ruth candy bars [or his favorite] would 钱,问他:“有多少宝贝露丝糖果(或他的最爱) eight quarters buy?” 8个季度买?” Innies and Giftedness 内外的天赋 “You know your child is gifted when they ask for a dictionary for their “你知道你的孩子是天才,当他们要求一个字典 birthday. ” —Judy Galbraith 的生日。“朱迪·加尔布雷斯 There is an incredible irony about introverted children. Teachers who don’t 有一个令人难以置信的讽刺内向的孩子。教师不 understand their physiology may regard them as slow, dense, or not very 了解他们的生理可能认为他们是缓慢的,密集的,或者不是很 smart—as we have seen. This can be a great loss to society. At least 70 聪明我们已经看到。这是对社会的一大损失。至少有70 percent of all gifted children are innies. When you understand their innies所有天才儿童的百分比。当你了解他们 hardwiring, it’s easy to see why. 线连接,很容易看到为什么。 Many outies have a comprehensive and wide-ranging intelligence. But fields 许多形状有一个全面的和广泛的情报。但字段 such as science, computers, medicine, engineering, architecture, psychology, 如科学、计算机、医药、工程、建筑、心理学、 168 168年 and higher education are dominated by introverts, due to their unusual 和高等教育是由内向的人,由于他们的不寻常 ability to deeply concentrate on complex information. As Albert Einstein 深深地专注于复杂信息的能力。像爱因斯坦 said, “My greatest strength is my ability to think about a problem for a long 说:“我的最大的优点是我思考问题的能力很长 time.” 时间。” One downside of innie giftedness is that such children can feel quite isolated, innie天赋的一个缺点是,这些孩子可以很孤立, since it’s hard for them to find their emotional and intellectual peers (even in 因为他们很难找到情感和知识同行(即使在 their own family). They can also lose motivation if their talents are 自己的家庭)。如果他们的人才是他们也会失去动力 overlooked. Without complex interests to feed their brain, gifted innies may 被忽视。没有复杂的利益来满足他们的大脑,innies可能天赋 not know about their own intellectual power. This is how smart kids become 不知道自己的智力。这是多么聪明的孩子 involved with drugs, to fight the isolation and lack of stimulation. So it’s 涉及药物、隔离和缺乏刺激。所以它是 vitally important to understand their talents, expose them to enriching 至关重要的理解他们的天赋,让他们丰富 experiences, and help them find other adults and kids to share their think 经验,并帮助他们找到其他成年人和孩子们分享他们的想法 tanks with. 坦克。 Even when an innie’s gifts are recognized, there still may be pitfalls. I have 即使内凹的礼物是公认的,还有可能是陷阱。我有 worked with introverted children assigned to what are called GATE classes, 曾与内向的孩子分配到所谓的门课程, a program designed for “gifted and talented” children in California, where 程序设计的“天才和天才”的孩子在加利福尼亚,那里 many end up feeling less intelligent. This is because the program puts 许多感觉不那么聪明。这是因为程序了 pressure on students to learn specific material quickly, to prepare them to 压力迅速学生学习特定的材料,准备 perform well on standardized tests. 在标准化测试中表现良好。 The bibliography at the end of the book recommends titles about gifted 这本书的末尾的参考书目推荐标题有天赋 children. Take a look at some of them; you may be surprised to discover that 的孩子。看一看其中的一些,你可能会惊讶地发现 gifted kids sound just like your innie. You’ll also find suggestions on how 有天赋的孩子听起来就像你innie。你还会发现建议 best to nurture his talents. 培养他的才能。
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快樂 (流畅感。) 楼主 2016-04-21 16:43:01
选择大学 选择一项可以揭示性格的运动 都需要更长的时间
Surviving, Thriving, and Deriving a College Education 幸存,蓬勃发展,获得大学教育 Many innies bloom in college. Start early to help your innie select a college 在大学里许多innies开花。帮助你开始过早innie选择大学 and a major that is just right for him. Innies can also begin early to save 主要就是适合他。Innies也可以开始早期保存 money for their education. Such a daunting transition can be overwhelming 钱对他们的教育。这样一个艰巨的转型能承受得起 for an innie, so it’s best to help him consider all aspects of higher education 内凹,所以最好帮他考虑高等教育的各个方面 in measured steps as he is growing up. Visit different college campuses on 他成长在测量步骤。访问不同的大学校园 vacations and trips. I have taken my grandchildren to plays, planetariums, 度假和旅行。我采取我的孙子玩,家天文馆、 and lectures at our local universities. We explore the buildings, and I tell 我们当地的大学和讲座。我们探索建筑,和我告诉 them stories about my college years. Ask friends and relatives to discuss 我的大学时代的故事。请亲朋好友讨论 their college experiences with your child. What did they like and what didn’t 他们的大学经历和你的孩子。他们喜欢什么不什么 they like? Why did they choose their college? 他们喜欢吗?为什么他们选择他们的大学? As your child gets closer to deciding on a college, keep the process an 随着你的孩子逐渐接近决定一个大学,保持一个过程 adventure of discovery. Help your innie use her compare-and-contrast brain 发现的冒险。帮助你的大脑innie利用她的比较和对比 to explore the options available to her. Keep the lines of communication 探讨选择她。保持沟通 open, and discuss all aspects of the upcoming college experience. An 开放,并讨论即将到来的大学生活的各个方面。一个 169 169年 introverted teen will take longer to make decisions about college, so start 内向的孩子会需要更长的时间来做出决定大学,所以开始 early. 早。 Some factors innies and their parents should consider when choosing a 一些因素内外的父母应该考虑在选择 college are the size of the college, its atmosphere and philosophy, communal 大学学院的规模,其大气和哲学、公共 living, location, selecting a major, and the student population. Larger 生活,位置,选择一个专业,和学生人口。更大的 colleges can be overwhelming and may not offer the Hardiness Zone innies 大学可以压倒性的,不得提供区innies吃苦耐劳 need. I have worked with several innies who chose to attend large, 所需要的。我还有几个选择参加大, competitive universities, and they were miserable. After freshman year they 有竞争力的大学,他们痛苦。在大一的时候他们 transferred to smaller colleges where they found like-minded students, felt 他们发现志同道合的学生转移到更小的学校,感受 less overwhelmed, and had more personal contact with instructors. Location 少了,更多的个人联系导师。位置 can be important because innies may want to come home more frequently at 可能是重要的,因为innies可能更频繁地想回家吗 first. A small college town can be less stressful to an innie compared to a 第一。一个小大学城可以内凹相比,压力更小 large metropolitan city. 大城市的城市。 Large, competitive institutions that require learning in enormous lecture 大,竞争要求教育机构在巨大的讲座 halls or schools that have reputations for constant partying are generally not 大厅或学校声誉聚会一般不为常数 the best choices for innies. Smaller colleges often provide a calmer, quieter innies的最佳选择。规模较小的学校通常提供一个平静,安静 environment with more serious and dedicated students. Sometimes I’m 环境更严重的和专用的学生。有时候我 surprised that parents feel that attending a junior college is less prestigious. 惊讶,父母认为参加大专是名气较小。 But for many innies (and this was true for me) a more laid-back junior 但对许多innies(这对我来说是真的)更悠闲的初级 college can be a good entry point intoacademic life, and many junior 大学是一个很好的切入点intoacademic生活,和许多初级 colleges have excellent reputations. Living at home for the junior college 大学有良好的声誉。住在家里的专科学校 portion can also serve as a good bridge for introverted coeds. They can 部分也能作为一个好的桥内向的女生。他们可以 transfer to a larger university when they have become more experienced in 转移到一个更大的大学当他们变得更有经验 managing college. 管理学院。 Communal living, studying, and eating can be quite challenging for innies. 公共生活、学习,并为innies吃也非常具有挑战性。 It’s important for them to have a compatible roommate since they will be 这对于他们来说,重要的是有一个室友,因为他们将会兼容 squished together in a small room. They need to find private places to 挤压在一起在一个小房间。他们需要找到私人地方 recharge and study. Staying on campus on weekends and even holidays 充电和学习。住在校园甚至在周末和假期 when most students leave is a great way for innies to recharge. Today many 当大多数学生离开innies充电是一种很好的方式。今天,许多 colleges match roommates for all sorts of reasons including temperament. 大学室友因各种原因包括气质相匹配。 One study showed that pairing roommates with similar temperaments 一项研究表明,室友搭配相似的性情 increased their satisfaction with school and decreased requests for roommate 增加对学校的满意度以及减少请求的室友 changes by 65 percent. 变化了65%。 Studies show that innies take longer to decide on a major. My guess is that 研究表明,innies需要更长的时间来确定一个专业。我的猜测是, this suggests they haven’t been exposed to enough experiences to know their 这表明他们没有接触到足够的经验来了解他们 own interests. Again, start early to help them learn what turns them on. 自己的利益。再次,早早来帮助他们了解他们。 Studies also show that in college, innies socialize and date less than outies 研究还表明,在大学,innies社交和日期小于形状 do. So assure your innie that he doesn’t need to be a social butterfly. 做的。所以确保你innie,他不需要一个交际花。 Support your child’s interest in furthering his education. Graduate school is 支持你的孩子的兴趣进一步发展他的教育吧。毕业学校是 the land of innies because of their love of learning and their interest in innies的土地,因为他们对学习的热爱和兴趣 delving deeper into more specialized subject areas. 深入研究更多的专科领域。 170 170年 The Kids’ Sports Scene 孩子们的运动场景 “Sports don’t build character, they reveal it. ” —Heywood Hale Broun “体育不建立角色,他们揭示它。“海伍德Hale博朗 Many people equate “athletics” with competitive team sports. But there is a 许多人把“体育”等同于竞争团队运动。但有一个 whole world of outdoor and indoor physical activities, and different children 整个世界的户外和室内体育活动,和不同的孩子 are drawn to different types. According to the American Academy of 被吸引到不同的类型。根据美国科学院 Pediatrics, children shouldn’t play in organized sports until they are at least 儿科、儿童不应该在有组织的运动,直到他们至少玩 six or seven; it sends the wrong message—it puts the focus on highly 六、七,发送错误的信息将高度关注 structured team play and winning. There is often little appreciation for the 结构化的队,赢得。通常是没有升值的 child’s developing body and individual skills. When sports are organized by 孩子的身体发展和个人技能。当体育组织 adults, kids are expected to be team players much too early. Furthermore, 成年人,孩子们将队员过早。此外, participation in organized sports consumes a child’s time for free 参与有组织的体育消费免费孩子的时间 play—which is a child’s real job. 执导是一个孩子的真正的工作。 Introverted children often like individual sports, such as martial arts, hiking, 内向的孩子通常喜欢个人运动,比如武术,徒步旅行, skating, and kayaking. I worked with one teenager who told me he had 滑冰和划独木舟。我曾经有一个孩子告诉我他 reconciled himself to being a nerd. He decided to join the swim team so that 协调自己成为一个书呆子。他决定加入游泳队 he could earn a letter in a sport. This way he could balance some “jock-ness” 他可以赚一封信在运动。这样他能平衡一些“jock-ness” with his “nerd-ness. ” Indeed, he felt more included socially, and he loved 与他的“nerd-ness。“事实上,他觉得更包括社会,他喜欢 the challenge of improving his swim times. 提高他的游泳时间的挑战。 In this era of parents coming to blows over a disputed goal in a child’s game, 在这个时代的父母来吹过一个有争议的目标在一个孩子的游戏中, it can be useful to step back and ask: What is the purpose of sports for 它可能是有用的退后一步,问:体育的目的是什么 children? Be careful not to confuse your interests with those of your child. 孩子吗?小心不要混淆你的兴趣与你的孩子。 Taking lessons and playing on teams should help children get some exercise, 上课和玩团队应该帮助孩子们得到一些锻炼, learn interpersonal and physical skills, gain the experience of team effort, 学习人际交往和物理技能,获得团队合作的经验, and have the chance to discover what they enjoy. It’s about practice, 并有机会发现他们喜欢什么。这是练习, exploration, and fun; except in the rarest cases, sports will not become a 探索和乐趣;除了最稀有的情况下,运动不会成为 glamorous lifelong career. Let your child try out a sport or a set of lessons to 迷人的终身事业。让你的孩子尝试运动或一组课程 find out what he likes. It may not be the first thing he tries, or the same sport 找出他喜欢什么。它可能不是他的第一件事,或相同的运动 that you enjoyed as a child. 你小时候喜欢。 Many innies hate those times at school when kids are picked to be on 在学校很多innies讨厌那些次当孩子们挑选 teams—often they aren’t chosen. Discussing this experience and helping 团队经常他们没有选择。讨论这个经验和帮助 them find a solution is a good idea. Maybe your child can practice the most 他们找到一个解决方案是一个好主意。或许你的孩子可以练习 popular games (kick ball, or four square, for instance) at home first so he 受欢迎的游戏(例如,踢足球,或者4平方)第一次所以他在家 will be better at them in school. Developing an individual sport can help 将会更好的在学校。开发一个个人运动可以帮助 innies build their strength and confidence. They may also feel less rejected if innies建立他们的力量和信心。他们也可能感觉不那么拒绝 they are left off of school teams. 他们离开学校的团队。 If your innie is on a team, you need to monitor your child’s coaches. Many 如果你的innie是一个团队,你需要监控孩子的教练。许多 coaches are appropriate, but some are too harsh and focus on winning rather 教练是合适的,但有些过于严厉,专注于赢得相当 171 171年 than sportsmanship. Parents need to intervene—this is not the point of 体育精神。父母需要intervene-this不是重点 children being in sports. 孩子们在运动。 A young introverted child I know had taken gymnastics for several years. 年轻的内向的孩子我知道了体操好几年了。 Mia had always loved it, but suddenly she wanted to quit. She cried and 米娅一直喜欢它,但是她突然想辞职。她哭了, refused even to enter the gym. Her mom was stunned and asked me what 甚至不愿意进入健身房。她妈妈惊呆了,问我 she should do. I told Mia’s mother to simply listen to what Mia said. Later, 她应该做的。我叫米娅的母亲只是听听米娅说。之后, after Mia was calmer, she could try to find out the underlying problems. She 米娅是平静后,她可以试着找出潜在的问题。她 could gather facts. I suggested that she talk to the other parents and the 可以收集事实。我建议她跟其他家长和 coaches and look for other signs of stress in Mia. Had there been any 教练和寻找其他的米娅紧张的迹象。就 changes, such as a new coach? Was Mia being teased or bullied during 的改变,比如一个新的教练吗?米娅被取笑或欺负 lessons? Was there too much pressure? Was she being left out? 教训吗?有太大的压力?她是被遗漏了? It turned out that Mia’s class was moving into more sophisticated levels of 事实证明,米娅的类移动到更复杂的水平 skills. As Mia is an innie who tends to be a perfectionist, she was feeling 技能。米娅是内凹的人往往是一个完美主义者,她的感觉 afraid and discouraged. She didn’t think she was doing well enough. She 害怕和沮丧。她不认为她做的很好。她 didn’t know that her coach thought she was doing great. Her mother talked 不知道她的教练认为她做的很好。她母亲说 to the coach, and asked her to be more overtly encouraging to Mia. She also 教练,让她更公然鼓励米娅。她还 urged the coach to have Mia talk with some of the other girls on her team 敦促教练米娅和一些其他的女孩在她的团队 who were also nervous about learning the new skills, so that she no longer 也担心学习新的技能,所以她不再吗 felt alone in her apprehension. Mia is still in gymnastics. 在她的忧虑感到孤独。米娅还在体操。 If your child wants to stop participating in a particular activity, try to find 如果你的孩子想要停止参加特定活动,试图找到 out what’s going on. If, after gathering the facts, you think it’s reasonable 发生了什么。收集事实后,如果你认为这是合理的 that he quit, ask him to pick one thing to stick with until the end of the 他辞职了,问他去挑一件事的坚持到最后 season or session. And then drop the others. If it’s still not clear what’s 季节或会话。然后把别人。如果它仍然是不清楚的 going on, have him stay in for two more weeks and see how he feels then. ,让他呆在两个多星期,看看他感觉。
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快樂 (流畅感。) 楼主 2016-04-21 17:19:14
又从头开始谈社会交往的特点 她还是从能量角度说需要积蓄能量、观察较长时间才加入一种群组的游戏 而我要说， 是有技巧的， 应该是生理上的某种延迟
从１谈到了２－３岁
Innie Social Savvy Innie社会精明 172 172年 What Friendship Means to Innies and What to Expect as They Travel 友谊意味着什么内外会发生什么当他们旅行 Through Childhood 通过童年 “Friendships multiply joys and divide griefs. ” —H.G. Bohn 友谊倍增欢乐,分担忧愁。“-H.G。Bohn The social arena is where innie and outie differences show up in bold relief. 在社会领域innie和外差异出现在大胆的救济。 Extroverts enjoy meeting and talking to lots of different people and 外向的人喜欢会议,与很多不同的人 generally have a wide range of friends. Innies like other people, but tend to 通常有各种各样的朋友。Innies像其他人一样,但往往 gravitate toward smaller groups and one-on-one situations. The common 倾向于较小的团体和一对一的情况下。常见的 assumption is that introverts aren’t social. Yet as we’ve seen, innies aren’t 假设是,内向的人没有社会。然而,正如我们所看到的,innies不是 necessarily shy, withdrawn, or quiet—especially in comfortable, familiar 一定是害羞,撤回,或者quiet-especially舒适,熟悉 environments. The confusion stems from the notion that there is 环境。存在的困惑源于这一概念 just one way to be social. Take a look at how we usually regard socializing, 仅仅是社会的一种方式。看看我们通常认为社交, which is through an extroverted lens. The criteria include: Is someone 这是通过一个外向的镜头。标准包括:是一个人 popular? Does he have lots of friends? Does he enjoy parties and seek out 受欢迎?他有很多朋友吗?他喜欢聚会和寻找吗 group activities? 组织活动吗? If we take a glimpse through introverted optics, however, we get a different 如果我们把通过内向光学一眼,然而,我们得到不同的 picture: Does your innie have one or two really close friends? Does he value 图片:你innie有一个或两个很亲密的朋友吗?他的价值 long-term friendships? Does he enjoy one-on-one conversations on topics 长期的友谊吗?他享受一对一的谈话话题吗 that matter to him? Does he care about others’ feelings? It becomes clear 那件事对他?他在乎别人的感受?很明显 that the real story is that introverts and extroverts have opposing social skills 真正的故事是内向和外向的人有反对社交技巧 and inclinations. Outies excel in the Western cultural ideals of being highly 和倾向。形状excel在西方文化的理想高度 visible and out and about, and they are comfortable chatting with lots of 可见,出去,舒适的聊天很多 people. Innies shine in the underrated and seemingly invisible 人。Innies照耀在被低估,看似无形 up-close-and-personal intimacy skills. 近距离的亲密关系的技能。 Your introverted child can become poised, confident, and comfortable 你内向的孩子会变得坚定,自信和舒适 interacting with other kids and adults—introverted and extroverted alike. 与其他孩子互动和adults-introverted和外向。 These capacities improve with practice and experience. Confident innies 这些能力的提高与实践和经验。自信innies understand themselves and know that it’s alright to withdraw when they 了解自己,知道它是好的当他们撤军 need to recharge. They know what kinds of friendships and social 需要充电。他们知道什么样的友谊和社会 experiences they value and enjoy. They have a few close friends, yet are 他们的价值和享受的经历。他们有几个亲密的朋友,然而 friendly with other kids. They are calm in most social situations and believe 友好的与其他孩子。在大多数社交场合,相信他们是冷静 that they are well liked. They have the ability to shift gears and “extrovert” 他们都很喜欢。他们有能力改变方式和“外向” when needed for social gatherings. However, they do so on their own terms. 当所需的社交聚会。然而,他们按照自己的方式这样做。 Reward Systems 奖励制度 “The summit of happiness is reached when a person is ready to be what he “幸福的峰会达成当一个人准备好他 is. ” —Erasmus 是多少。“伊拉斯谟 173 173年 As I explained in Chapter 2, innies and outies rely on brain pathways that 我在第二章解释,内外形状依赖于大脑通路 supply different rewards. Extroverted children are designed to be gregarious. 提供不同的奖励。外向的孩子们设计的。 Their brains are zapped with “hap hits” from kidding around, teasing, and 他们的大脑是用“hap支安打”轰击在开玩笑,取笑 playing in groups. They take pleasure in fast-paced chatter. They speak 在组。他们喜欢快节奏的喋喋不休。他们说 openly about most things and like jumping from subject to subject. 对大多数事情公开,希望从主题跳到主题。 Interruptions don’t bother them. Physically, outie kids tend to like 打扰不打扰他们。外突出身体上,孩子们喜欢 rough-and-tumble play more than innies do. They think of most kids as pals 混乱的比innies玩。他们认为大多数孩子的朋友 and have a large circle of friends. 和有一个大的朋友圈。 Introverted children enjoy intimate conversations that may involve more 内向的孩子们喜欢可能涉及更多的亲密对话 complex topics. They like to kick back and chat, with time for pauses and 复杂的主题。他们喜欢踢和聊天,时间停顿 reflection. They get mild but pleasurable “hap hits” when discussing 反射。他们得到温和但愉快的在讨论“hap打击” something interesting. Their brains are made for lingering over thoughts and 一些有趣的事情。他们的大脑在思想和为挥之不去 feelings and achieving a deeper understanding of a subject. They speak 感觉和实现一个主题有更深一层的认识。他们说 more slowly and lose their place if they are interrupted. They listen, ask 更慢,失去如果中断的地方。他们听,问 questions, and consider the other person’s ideas. In order to develop these 问题,考虑对方的想法。为了开发这些 inborn skills, innies need trusting relationships to help them practice the art 天生的技能,innies需要信任关系,帮助他们练习的艺术 of conversation. Innies are usually well liked, but they need to know another 的谈话。Innies通常都很喜欢,但是他们需要知道另一个 child well before considering him a friend. 孩子之前考虑到他一个朋友。 Two Paths Diverge 两条路径分歧 Introverts’ and extroverts’ hardwiring result in distinct interpersonal needs 内向和外向的硬接线导致不同的人际关系的需求 and divergent social skills. Let’s discuss three crucial ways innies’ and 和不同的社交技巧。让我们来讨论innies”和三个关键方法 outies’ paths diverge: their views on friendship, their conversational styles, 形状的路径不同:他们的友谊,他们的谈话方式, and their energy for socializing. 和他们的能量社交。 What Is a Friend? 什么是朋友? Innies and outies see friendship differently. To introverted children, the 内外形状友谊有不同看法。内向的孩子, term friend means a deeper-than-casual relationship. An example is Kathy, 朋友意味着deeper-than-casual关系。一个例子是凯西, who at age eight has a best friend, Samantha. They love to pretend they are 他八岁时最好的朋友,萨曼莎。他们喜欢假装他们是 at school and take turns being the teacher and making up homework 在学校和轮流被老师和家庭作业 assignments. They can play for hours, inventing various dramas and 作业。他们可以玩几个小时,各种戏剧和发明 scenarios. Kathy and Sam have been friends since they were three. Kathy 场景。凯西和山姆的朋友因为他们三个。凯西 knows what to expect when Sam comes over. They usually work out 知道山姆回来后会发生什么。他们通常工作 difficulties and make compromises easily. They don’t have many arguments. 困难和容易做出妥协。他们没有许多参数。 But if Kathy’s extroverted brother, Noah, bugs Sam—as he likes to 但如果凯西的外向兄弟,诺亚,山姆他喜欢的bug do—Kathy jumps in to defend her friend. Interestingly, this is something she do-Kathy跳跃在捍卫她的朋友。有趣的是,这是她的东西 doesn’t always do for herself. As Kathy gets older, she will want friends 并不总是为自己做。当凯西渐渐长大,她想要的朋友 who can talk in depth about topics of interest to her. Already she realizes 谁能深入谈论她感兴趣的话题。她已经意识到 that friends are good to share and solve problems with. 朋友是好分享和解决问题。 174 174年 Introverted children enjoy many types of friends. They can be older or 内向的孩子享受许多类型的朋友。年长的或 younger; male or female; and of varied cultural backgrounds, religions, and 年轻,男性或女性,不同的文化背景,宗教,和 temperaments. A 1999 study in the British Journal of Social 性情。1999年的一项研究在英国社会杂志》上 Psychology found that extroverts rejected strangers who weren’t like them 心理学发现,外向的人拒绝陌生人并不像他们一样 more often than introverts did. Kathy, to take a prototypical innie, has a 比内向的人更多。凯西,典型的innie, variety of companions. She sometimes drops in on an older neighbor, 各种各样的伙伴。她有时滴在一个年长的邻居, Miriam, who lives down the street. Miriam has been showing her how to 米利暗,住在街上。米里亚姆已经显示出她如何 knit. She also loves visits with her baby cousin, Zach. She gets a kick out of 针织。她和她的宝宝也爱访问表妹,扎克。她会踢出 watching him learn about the world. Kathy’s other best friend is Tom, an 看着他了解世界。凯西的其他最好的朋友是汤姆,一个 extroverted, action-packed guy. He is lively, fun, and makes 外向的,内容丰富有趣的家伙。他是活泼、有趣, spur-of-the-moment, exciting suggestions, like “Let’s pretend we are the 不加思索的,激动人心的建议,如“让我们假装我们是 Spy Kids from the movie. We can use my spy gear to see what the kids in 监视孩子的电影。我们可以使用我的间谍装备,看看孩子们 the neighborhood are up to. ” Kathy’s mom notices that she is really tuckered 附近。”凯西的妈妈注意到她真是塔克 out after Tom comes over, and so she keeps their playdates short. Innies 之后汤姆过来,所以她让他们参加玩伴聚会短。Innies often gravitate toward outies and they have lots of fun together. But innies 往往倾向于形状和他们在一起有很多的乐趣。但innies need to have innie friends or they can end up feeling tired and pressured to 最终需要innie朋友或者感觉疲惫和压力 be like outies. 形状是什么样的。 Extroverts use the word friend as an innie would use acquaintance. Kim, for 外向的人用朋友这个词内凹会使用熟人。金, instance, likes to have her mom set up playdates with school chums and her 实例,喜欢她的妈妈与学校建立玩耍的朋友和她的 other friends. But she is just as happy playing with kids she meets at the 其他的朋友。但她只是玩的孩子她遇到一样快乐 park or, for that matter, the many children she runs into wherever she goes. 公园,对于这个问题,许多孩子她无论去哪里都会遇到。 Friends of friends, cousins of cousins—anyone is fair game. Outies tend to 朋友的朋友,亲戚cousins-anyone是公平的游戏。形状往往 like other outies; Kim’s best friend is as lively and energetic as she is. They 像其他形状,金正日的最好的朋友是像她那样活泼,精力充沛。他们 ride bikes, play ball, and skate. They have fun, but sometimes they argue 骑自行车、玩球和滑冰。他们玩得开心,但有时他们认为 about what to do. (“You got to choose last time!”) As she gets older, Kim 什么要做。(“你要选择最后一次!”)当她长大,金姆 will also enjoy lengthy conversations but may not seek them out to the 还将享受漫长的谈话但不得找出来吗 extent that innies do. Outies enjoy playing outdoors, playing board games, innies做的程度。形状喜欢玩户外,玩棋盘游戏, roughhousing, and being involved in numerous activities. 打闹嬉戏,参与许多活动。 Conversational Styles 谈话方式 When you observe innies and outies in conversation, their differences 当你观察内外的形状在谈话中,他们之间的分歧 become apparent. Innies are excellent conversationalists when they are 变得明显。Innies是优秀的健谈 comfortable with you. Paula, a four-year-old innie, looked me in the eye and 舒适与你在一起时的感觉。宝拉,一个四岁innie,盯着我的眼睛 asked if I had a cat. “Yes, I do,” I told her. “What color is he? Or is he a 问如果我有一只猫。“是的,”我告诉她。“他是什么颜色的?或者他是一个 she? ” she continued, and paused to wait for my answer. I told her about 她吗?”她继续说道,停了下来,等待我的回答。我告诉她关于 Mocha, my chocolate-colored cat. I asked her, “Do you have a cat? ” She 摩卡,我chocolate-colored猫。我问她:“你有一只猫吗?”她 reflected and answered, “Yes, he’s a gray rag cat and he’s four like me. He 反映,答道:“是的,他是一个灰色的破布猫和他的四个喜欢我。他 likes to sleep on my bed and on top of the refrigerator. ” She goes on to tell 喜欢睡在我的床和冰箱。”她继续说 me all about his particular breed. 我对他特别的品种。 Paula’s aim in conversation is to understand her own or someone else’s 宝拉在谈话的目的是理解自己的或别人的 inner world. She likes to chat in a relaxed atmosphere about something she 内心世界。她喜欢聊天关于她在轻松的气氛中 175 175年 likes. She listens, reflects, and remembers what I say. As she gets older, she 喜欢。她听,反映了,记得我说什么。当她渐渐长大,她 will enjoy conversations that explore her own or other children’s interests. 将享受对话,探索自己的或其他孩子的利益。 She will value connecting and getting to know another person, finding 她将价值联系和了解另一个人,发现 commonalities (like a love of cats) and differences. 共性(如爱猫)和差异。 Extroverted Hallie, at nine, is often scolded for lying. She doesn’t really 九岁的外向哈莉,经常被骂为撒谎。她真的不 understand why her mom gets angry. She was just talking. “Guess what? I 理解为什么她妈妈生气。她只是说。“你猜怎么着?我 am going to go camping with the Andersens,” she had said to her mom. “Oh, 与安徒生要去野营的,”她对她的妈妈说。“哦, really? ” her mother replied, taken aback. “Well, they haven’t actually asked 真的吗?”妈妈回答说,吃了一惊。“好吧,实际上他们没有问 me yet, but I think they will. ” “If they ask you, you let me know and then we 我,但我想他们会。”“如果他们问你,你让我知道,然后我们 can discuss it,” her mom replies. Tomorrow Hallie may forget she even 可以讨论它,”妈妈回答道。明天哈利甚至可能会忘记她 wanted to go camping. 想去野营。 Outies chat for the fun of it. They’ll ask, “Did you know? ” and talk about 形状聊天是为了好玩。他们会问,“你知道吗?“和谈论 sports, clothes, whatever. They say what pops into their heads, hopping from 体育,衣服,等等。他们说什么他们头脑中的,跳跃 subject to subject, casually interrupting each other without offense. When 话题,随便打断对方没有进攻。当 she was younger, Hallie once asked a woman why she was wearing such an 她年轻时,哈利曾经问一个女人她穿着这样的一个原因 ugly hat, and her mother cringed in embarrassment. But, Hallie protested, 丑陋的帽子,和她的母亲蜷在尴尬。但是,哈利抗议, the hat was ugly! Extroverted children can and do jabber away about any 这顶帽子是丑陋的!外向的孩子可以jabber任何 subject—whether they know anything about it or not! subject-whether他们了解与否! Expenditure of Energy 消耗的能量 Give this some thought: Everything an innie does in the outside world 给这一些想法:内凹在外部世界的一切 requires energy and gives little or no energy in return. Add to this the fact 需要能源,给很少或没有回报。添加到这个事实 that innies also have to expend extra fuel to keep their internal stimulation innies也要消耗额外的燃料来保持他们的内部刺激 turned down so that they can shift to an external focus. Extroverts, on the 拒绝了,这样他们就可以转移到外部的焦点。外向的人, other hand, go into the outside world and bask in its vitality. They are 另一方面,去外面的世界,沉浸在它的生命力。他们是 already focused externally so it doesn’t require a shift. This difference has a 已经集中在外部所以它不需要转变。这种差异有一个 huge impact on how innies and outies experience socializing and, in turn, 形状内外的社交经验,产生巨大的影响,反过来, how they are perceived. 他们对这件事的认知。 At home our granddaughter Emily is a little whirlwind, constantly running 在家里我们的孙女艾米丽是一个小旋风,不断运行 around. One afternoon I took her to the children’s play area in a mall. She 周围。一天下午,我带她去孩子们的玩耍区域在一个购物中心。她 seemed like a different child. For some fifteen minutes she sat beside me 似乎是一个不同的孩子。15分钟她坐在我旁边 like a statue, her face perfectly still, merely watching all the action. She 像一尊雕像,她的脸完全静止,仅仅看所有的行动。她 stared at the kids buzzing around the tree-house slide. “Tell me when you’re 看着孩子们把条幅下滑的嗡嗡作响。“当你告诉我 ready to join the other children,” I said. She watched them intently and 准备好加入其他的孩子,”我说。她专心地看着他们 finally turned to me and said, “Ready. ” As she played and explored, she 终于转向我,说:“准备好了。”她她和探索 glanced at me every now and then, silently checking my reaction for 时不时瞥了我一眼,默默的检查我的反应 reassurance. I had taken her extroverted older sister, Katie, to the same play 安慰。我已经她外向的姐姐,凯蒂,相同的游戏 area many times. Katie would run right into the fray and hardly look back. 很多次。凯蒂会进入战斗,很难回头。 176 176年 You can help your introverted child manage and make good use of his 你可以帮助你的内向的孩子管理和充分利用他 limited social energy. Teach him to store energy before social occasions. 有限的社会能量。教他在社交场合之前储存能量。 Limit the number of engagements he has, and don’t stay long if he shows 限制活动的数量,,如果他不会停留太久 signs of dragging. Most innies are able to sit for fairly long periods, such as 拖动的迹象。大多数innies能够坐相当长的时间,等 during a church service or a dinner out. They can play quietly for an 在教堂服务或晚餐。他们可以玩的 extended period. Occasionally, an innie is more active and will get restless. 段时间。偶尔,内凹更活跃,会焦躁不安。 But though they may seem content, they still need space, peace, and quiet in 虽然他们看起来内容,他们仍需要空间,和平和安静 order to recharge their batteries. 以自身的电池充电。 Help your child notice what triggers energy drops, such as too many kids 帮助你的孩子注意触发能量下降,如太多的孩子 around, too much noise, hot weather, time pressure, conflict, or 太多的噪音,炎热的天气、时间压力、冲突,或 disappointment. He can learn to take a breather, stand in the shade away 失望。他可以学习呼吸,站在树荫下 from the group, postpone dealing with a conflict until later, talk about 集团,推迟处理冲突,直到后来,谈论 what’s bothering him, or take a brief walk. 是什么困扰着他,或短暂的步行。 Socializing Throughout Childhood—What to Expect 社交在Childhood-What期待 “Friends are relatives you make for yourself. ” —Eustache Deschamps “朋友是你为自己的亲戚。“-Eustache德尚 Socializing is essential for any child’s development; researchers say that the 社交对于任何一个孩子的发展是至关重要的,研究人员说 infant brain develops through relationships with primary caregivers. One’s 婴儿大脑发育通过与主要照顾者的关系。一个人的 social sense begins in the family and expands to the outside world between 社会开始在家庭和扩展到外面的世界 one and two years of age. Even from a young age, innies—inveterate 1和2岁。即使从小,innies-inveterate observers—like to scope out other children. As they grow, they practice and 观察者范围其他孩子。随着他们的成长,他们实践和 experiment with their burgeoning social skills in order to form friendships. 实验与新兴的社交技能,以形式的友谊。 Making friends is actually quite a challenging, sophisticated operation, 交朋友其实很有挑战性,复杂的操作, involving many trials, dead ends, and outright rebuffs. Social aptitude takes 涉及许多试验,死角,彻底的拒绝。社交能力需要 a long time to build, with one skill block stacked on top of another. Innies 很长一段时间,有一个技能块叠在另一个之上。Innies will slowly begin to establish themselves outside the family. Within the 会慢慢开始建立自己在家庭之外。在 relative safety of family life, they can practice give-and-take, sharing power, 相对安全的家庭生活,他们可以练习互让,分享权力, empathizing, being assertive, compromising, and handling rejection, and 同理心,自信,妥协,和处理拒绝 when they’re ready, begin to take these skills on the road. 当他们准备好了,开始把这些技能在路上。 Here is a closer look at what is going on at different social stages. 这是仔细看看在不同的社会阶段发生了什么。 Ages One to Three 年龄在一到三 Toddlers are beginning to test out independence. They are struggling with 幼儿开始测试的独立性。他们是在 limits and wanting to explore the world in their own way. They are 限制和想要用自己的方式探索世界。他们是 interested in other children, but they play next to each other rather than 其他孩子感兴趣,但他们相邻而不是玩 together. Innies usually stick closer to their parents for a longer time. Often 在一起。Innies通常接近他们的父母长时间。经常 they don’t have as many tantrums as outies do at this age. But since they 他们没有尽可能多的脾气形状做在这个年龄。但由于他们 177 177年 have their own mind already, they can become stubborn and pitch a fit if 已经有自己的思维,他们会变得固执和音高适合如果 they feel determined to have or do something. 他们觉得决心或者做些什么。 Build your child’s social skills by organizing a play group, enrolling her in a 建立孩子的社交技巧通过组织一个活动小组,进入她 class (like a tot music class), or taking her to a park. Expose her to lots of 类(如一个幼儿音乐类),或者带她去一个公园。让她很多 different experiences. Go to gardens, ride a ferry, hop on a trolley, visit the 不同的经历。去花园,骑渡船,跳上电车,参观 zoo, and enjoy the aquarium and other toddler-friendly places. Just don’t 动物园,享受水族馆和其他“的地方。只是不 stay long, and avoid overstimulation. Always let your child ease into new 呆太久,避免过度刺激。总是让你的孩子轻松进入新的 places or groups. These are practicing years. 地方或组。这些都是练习。 Remember that toddlers need adults to smooth out wrinkles in their play. 记住,孩子需要成人玩抚平皱纹。 You can help her know when she needs a break or some calming. Encourage 你可以帮助她知道当她需要休息或一些平静。鼓励 a bit of give-and-take with others. Remind her to use words, not grabbing, 与他人妥协。提醒她用词,不抓, biting, or hitting. This is behavior you might see if she is tired, hungry, or 咬,或打击。这是行为你会看到如果她累了,饿了,或者 otherwise overwrought. Encourage her not to be passive if another child 否则工作过度。如果一个孩子鼓励她不要被动 takes her toys. The capacity to stand up for herself will help her feel safer 把她的玩具。站起来为自己的能力将帮助她感到安全 and less vulnerable in social situations. Initiate a quiet activity as the 在社交场合和脆弱。发起一个安静的活动 playdate winds down, like reading a book or coloring, to ease into closure. 上映期,像读一本书或着色,缓解到关闭。 A big shift begins to occur by twenty to twenty-four months. Children’s 一个大的转变由20到24个月开始发生。孩子们的 social interests grow in leaps and bounds during this time. They begin to 社会利益在飞速地成长。他们开始 copy one another. One child jumps off a box, and the others will jump off 另一个副本。一个孩子一个盒子,跳了下来,其他人会跳下来 the box, too. Researchers see this as the beginnings of social interaction: 这个盒子。研究人员认为这是社会交往的开端: back and forth; you do this, I do that. Introverted toddlers are usually more 来来回回,你这样做,我这样做。内向的孩子通常是更多 hesitant than extroverted children with new children, new situations, and 比外向的孩子和新孩子犹豫,新的情况, groups. While they may be slow to take part, they do like to watch other 组。尽管他们可能缓慢的参加,他们喜欢看 children. Letting them observe is a good introduction to social settings. They 的孩子。让他们观察社会设置是一个很好的介绍。他们 may copy behaviors without actually joining in. 实际上可能复制行为没有加入。 A few months ago I took a Half Notes music class with our innie 几个月前我参加了一个音乐课堂上做的笔记与innie一半 granddaughter, Emily. There were about ten toddlers ranging from eighteen 孙女,艾米丽。大约有十个孩子十八岁不等 to twenty-four-months old. Emily loves music and dancing. My idea was to twenty-four-months老。艾米丽喜欢音乐和舞蹈。我的想法是 have fun with her while exposing her to a group of toddlers and helping her 玩得开心而暴露出她的一群孩子和帮助她吗 learn to tolerate groups. After a few classes, when we drove up, Emily 学会容忍组。几类后,当我们开车时,艾米丽 would see the building and yell, “Babies! ” She was eager to rush in, take off 会看到教学楼,大喊:“宝宝!“她是想冲进去,起飞 her shoes, and bang on the drums. 她的鞋子,在鼓上爆炸。 During the class she usually watched the other toddlers, hawklike, from my 在上课的时候她通常看了其他幼儿,鹰,从我 lap or standing by the wall. She joined in some activities, but not as often as 腿上或站在墙上。她参加了一些活动,但不是经常 most of the other children. Occasionally, she would surprise everyone and 大多数的其他孩子。偶尔,她会和让所有人大吃一惊 be the only one to sing or speak up. Her participation ebbed and flowed, 是唯一一个唱歌或说话。她参与,起落而消长 depending on her energy level, the size of the class, and how overwhelming 根据她的能级,类的大小,以及势不可挡 the activity felt to her. If she had had a busy weekend before the Monday 活动对她的感觉。如果她有一个忙碌的周末在周一之前 class, for example, she was usually more reserved. She generally joined in 类,例如,她通常是更多的保留。她通常加入了 when the kids were taking out instruments or putting them back, and when 当孩子们把工具或让他们回来,当 178 178年 they sang, “Clean up, clean up. ” But, like most innies, she became 他们唱着,“清理,清理。“但是,像大多数innies,她成了 captivated by something unique—name tags! She loved to swipe another 唯一的名称标签的东西迷住了!她喜欢刷卡 child’s name tag and then slap it on the wall with a satisfied smile while 孩子的名字标签然后拍在墙上带着满意的微笑 swaying to the sounds of the music. It was soon apparent that she had started 摇摆音乐的声音。很快就发现她已经开始 a fad as other toddlers followed her example. 一种时尚与其他幼儿跟着她的例子。 Between the ages of two and three, children begin to show social 2和3岁的孩子之间开始显示社会 preferences, often gravitating toward one child over others. Look for a 偏好,往往会吸引一个孩子对他人。寻找一个 glimmer of interest between your child and his playmates. Find children 线之间的利益你的孩子和他的玩伴。找到孩子 who enjoy similar play. Perhaps they like to play with building blocks, or 那些喜欢类似的游戏。也许他们喜欢玩积木,或者 they both like to pretend. Toddlers do well with other toddlers, playing in 他们都喜欢假装。与其他幼儿幼儿做得很好,玩 small, once-a-week play groups to begin learning social skills. Make 小,一周一次玩团体开始学习社交技巧。使 playdates with their budding pals, and take their friendships seriously. Get 参加玩伴聚会崭露头角的朋友,,认真对待他们的友谊。得到 two cups, two balls, or two small drums for them to play with, since at this 两杯,两个球,或者两个小鼓玩,因为在这 stage imitation is more important to learn than sharing. Talk about your 比共享阶段模仿是更重要的学习。谈论你 child’s friend. “You’re going to see Justin today. Do you want me to put 孩子的朋友。“今天你会看到贾斯汀。你想要我吗 away some of your favorite toys? ” (Yes, it’s good to have some no-share 一些你最喜欢的玩具?”(是的,这是好有一些不共享 toys.) Innie and outie toddlers will need adult supervision to help them take 玩具。)Innie和外孩子需要成人的监督来帮助他们 turns and to guide their interactions. 转过身,来引导他们的交互。 Caveat: Don’t overwhelm your innie with too many children or social 警告:不要压倒你的innie太多孩子或社会 occasions. Try to avoid long playdates or hectic transitions. 场合。尽量避免长时间玩耍或繁忙的转换。
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快樂 (流畅感。) 楼主 2016-04-21 17:39:44
这段是说4,5岁到十几岁的 她果然提到了5岁的突变 以后的没怎么看 好像比较泛泛 有些个别的小警告
Ages Four and Five 年龄在4和5 Four and a half is usually the peak period of potty talk, bragging, 四个半通常是微不足道的演讲的高峰期,吹牛, exaggerating, and emotional unpredictability. Innies can surprise their 夸大,情感的不可预测性。Innies可以惊喜 parents with the sudden personality change. They may become quite silly, or 父母性格突然改变。他们可能变得相当愚蠢,或者 their stubbornness may turn into defiance. At the same time, they are 他们的固执可能变成蔑视。同时,他们也是 gaining a sense of emotional cause-and-effect: “If I hit my sister, she and 获得一种情感因果:“如果我打了我的妹妹,她和 my mom will be mad. ” This period of intensity calms down around age five, 我妈妈会疯了。“五岁左右这段强度趋于平静, and children’s relationships become more stable. They are learning to play 和孩子的关系更加稳定。他们正在学习 one-on-one and in groups. While they still play with friends of the opposite 一对一的团体。还和朋友们一起玩时的相反 sex, especially when role-playing and during imaginative play, they are 性,尤其是角色扮演在充满想象力的游戏, beginning to show a preference for playing with children of the same sex. 开始偏爱玩相同性别的孩子。 Innies tend to thrive in this phase of amiable, cooperative play. A study that Innies往往茁壮成长在这个阶段的和蔼可亲,合作游戏。一项研究 appeared in the Elementary School Journal in 2002 examined the 出现在小学2002年检查》杂志上 word-for-word comments made by kids when they discussed differences of 逐字翻译的评论由孩子们当他们差异的讨论 opinion. The researchers concluded that innies made more cooperative 的意见。研究人员得出结论,innies更加合作 remarks and outies made more argumentative comments when kids were 言论和形状更加好辩的评论时,孩子们 disagreeing. 不同意。 179 179年 Continue to help your innie ease into social situations. Establish regular 继续帮助你innie缓解社交场合。建立定期 playdates with familiar pals to provide consistent play experiences. It’s nice 电影与熟悉的朋友提供一致的游戏体验。很高兴 to occasionally include other children—as long as your child knows 偶尔包括其他孩子只要你的孩子知道 beforehand that others will be joining. This gives you an opportunity to 事先,其他人将会加入。这给你一个机会 point out that other children play in different ways, and that he can practice 以不同的方式指出,其他孩子玩,他可以练习 slowly getting used to new children. 慢慢适应新的孩子。 At this age, your child can use some help structuring playdates. Before the 在这个年龄,你的孩子可以使用一些帮助构建家庭聚会。之前 friend arrives, you can set a loose agenda. Have him select two or three 朋友到来时,你可以设置一个松散的议程。让他选择两个或三个 games or other toys he wants to play with when the friend arrives. Tell him 游戏或其他玩具时他想玩的朋友到来。告诉他 he and his friend will need to take turns with the selected toys. If a fight 他和他的朋友需要轮流选择的玩具。如果一个战斗 starts over a toy, use a kitchen timer: ten minutes of play each. If that 重新开始一个玩具,用厨房定时器:十分钟的游戏。如果这 doesn’t work, remove the toy in a matter-of-fact way. If he wants to, let him 不起作用,把玩具以实事求是的方式。如果他想,让他 put a few special toys in the closet—off-limits. He can’t be expected to 放一些特殊closet-off-limits玩具。他不可能会 share everything yet. Support his friendships by including a companion on a 分享一切。支持他的友谊,包括一个同伴 brief family outing. 短暂的家庭出游。 Casual groups start forming around age four. If you watch several kids 四岁左右随意组织开始形成。如果你看几个孩子 running around as a group, you will notice more organized play at this time. 跑来跑去作为一个群体,你会注意到更有条理。 They can stop, compromise, and fly off in another direction. The group 他们可以停止,妥协,并在另一个方向飞去。该集团 won’t cohere for too long, but it’s fun while it lasts. 不会粘着太久,但是当它持续很有趣。 Innies can now begin to learn how to enter groups. It’s usually a matter of Innies现在可以开始学习如何输入组。通常的问题 physical joining—moving into the group’s space. Teach your child to join 物理joining-moving到集团的空间。教你的孩子加入 into group play by nodding or smiling at a friendly-looking child, then 到小组赛点头或微笑友善的孩子, copying what the group is doing. If, say, they are running around a slide, he 复制该集团在做什么。说,如果他们四处滑动,他 can dart in and run with the pack. If the kids are jumping off a rock, he can 可以在和运行包飞镖。如果孩子们跳下石头,他可以 jump, too. Encourage him to manage conflicts by learning to ask for what he 也跳。鼓励他来管理冲突通过学习要求他 wants. 想要的。 Caveat: Don’t invite too many children to play at once. Start with short 警告:不要邀请太多的孩子玩。从短 get-togethers. Extend them for longer periods, as the children begin to play 聚会。扩展他们的时间更长,当孩子们开始玩 well together. The goal is to practice social skills in an enjoyable way. 在一起。我们的目标是练习社交技巧以一种令人愉快的方式。 Ages Six to Eight 年龄在6至8 When children reach this age, their personalities become more complex. 当孩子到了这个年龄,个性变得更加复杂。 While enthusiastic and cooperative, they are also demanding and difficult. 当热情和合作,他们也要求和困难。 They are practicing learning to calm down and pay attention to social cues. 他们练习学习冷静下来,注意社会线索。 They are attempting to work out roles, and they begin to identify more with 他们正试图解决角色,他们开始更多的认同 the same-sex parent. They can work out conflicts without adults, but 同性父母。他们可以解决冲突而不成人,但是 remember, they still view the world through a combination of fantasy and 记住,他们仍然通过幻想和对世界的看法 reality. 现实。 180 180年 School-age innies like other kids who are polite. However, it takes lots of 学龄innies像其他孩子有礼貌。然而,它需要很多的 energy to handle more dissimilar relationships. This is a period of trial and 能量来处理更多的不同的关系。这是一段时间的试验 error for parents to try to help innies find their social rhythm. Sometimes 错误,父母试图帮助innies找到他们的社会节奏。有时 children need encouragement to practice handling different people and 孩子需要鼓励实践处理不同的人 situations. At other times parents need to back off and even suggest 的情况。有时候父母应该后退,甚至建议 declining an invitation so the child can have some downtime. 下降的邀请所以孩子可以有一些停机时间。 Sign up your child for activities that tap into her strengths, such as art, dance, 注册你的孩子的活动,利用她的优势,如艺术,舞蹈, science, martial arts, or music. Find other quiet kids for your innie to play 科学、武术或音乐。找到其他innie玩安静的孩子 with. Innies usually have a best friend by five, the “social age. ” If your child 与。Innies通常由五个最好的朋友,“社会时代。“如果你的孩子 doesn’t have a special pal, ask her teacher if one of the other children would 没有一个特别的朋友,问她的老师的另一个孩子 be a good fit. Arrange a short playdate, then a slightly longer one if the first 是一个不错的选择。安排一个简短的上映期,那么稍长一些的,如果第一个 works out well. Look for signs that the playdate is succeeding. Do they 工作正常。寻找上映期是成功的迹象。他们 enjoy similar play and have similar energy levels? Do they look lively? Can 喜欢类似,也有类似的能量水平吗?他们看起来活泼吗?可以 they negotiate differences successfully? 他们成功谈判的差异吗? Begin to help your innie assess friendships. Sometimes innies are attracted 开始帮助你innie评估友谊。有时innies所吸引 to outies but actually play better with innies. “You and Ana enjoy playing 与innies形状但实际上更好玩。“你和安娜喜欢玩 dress up and pretend games. But it takes longer for you and Stacy to find 打扮,假装游戏。但这需要更长的时间你和史黛西 something to play. Why do you think that is? ” Asking these types of 玩的东西。你认为是为什么?“问这些类型的 questions in this way helps your child think about what kind of play she is 问题以这种方式帮助孩子思考什么样的打她 up for, and what kind of friend she’d like to invite over. 了,什么样的朋友她想邀请。 Joining groups often remains a challenge for innies. Encourage your child to 加入组织经常为innies仍然是一个挑战。鼓励你的孩子 watch how kids act in both closed and open groups. In closed groups, 观察孩子的行为在封闭和开放组。在封闭的组织, children stand clumped together. Their bodies are tense, they don’t look at 孩子站成群在一起。他们的身体都很紧张,他们不要看 others outside the group, and it’s difficult to catch anyone’s eye. In an open 外的其他组织,很难引起任何人的注意。在一个开放的 group, children are laughing and smiling. There are spaces between the 组织孩子们大笑和微笑。之间的空间 members; they lean in toward each other and look relaxed. It is not difficult 成员,他们在向对方倾斜,看起来轻松。它并不难 to catch someone’s attention. With your encouragement, your innie can 吸引别人的注意力。有你的鼓励,你的innie可以 learn to watch, copy, and join in. You can remind her that it often takes 学会观察、复制和加入。你可以提醒她,通常需要 more than one try. Many social tries don’t work out the first time, but the 不止一个试一试。许多社会第一次尝试没有成功,但是 next time might be successful. 下次可能是成功的。 Caveat: Don’t limit your innie’s friends to classmates, because she may 警告:不要限制你innie的朋友同学,因为她可能 enjoy younger or older children as well. It may help an innie feel more 享受年轻或年长的孩子。它可以帮助内凹多感受 socially competent and comfortable with her peers to have playmates of 社交能力和舒适与她同行的玩伴 different ages. This allows her to try out roles such as leader, follower, 不同的年龄。这让她尝试角色等领导人追随者, expert, and novice. 专家和新手。 Ages Nine to Eleven 年龄在9到11 School-yard politics is now at its height. Peers take on a new importance. 现在校园政治是在其鼎盛时期。同伴承担一个新的重要性。 Children struggle more with difference, and with how others do or don’t 孩子挣扎更不同,和别人如何做或不 181 181年 behave. You can help your innie understand social dynamics by encouraging 的行为。你可以帮助你的innie了解社会动态,鼓励 him to reflect on his mixed feelings about other kids. For instance: “I like 对其他孩子他思考复杂的感情。例如:“我喜欢 Michael when he plays by the rules, but I don’t like it when he hogs the 迈克尔当他照规矩办事的,但我不喜欢它当他猪 ball.” 球。” Remind your innie that it’s okay to enjoy more alone time than many kids 提醒你innie它比很多孩子可以享受更多的独处时间 his age. And that it’s okay to pick and choose which events to attend or not 他的年龄。,可以选择哪些事件参加与否 attend. Nor does he have to stay very long. Discuss what questions to think 出席。他也没有呆很长时间。讨论什么问题去思考 about when he’s deciding whether or not to go. Has he had a lot of 当他的决定是否要走。他有很多吗 engagements lately? Has he been hanging around at home so much it’s 最近活动吗?他一直徘徊在家里这么多的 become habit? If he declines, might a friend feel hurt because this is an 成为习惯?如果他下降,可能会感到受伤,因为这是一个朋友 important event for him? Does he like the other kids who will be there? This 重要事件他吗?他喜欢其他的孩子将是谁?这 is one of the most difficult aspects of parenting an innie. There needs to be 是最困难的一个方面教育内凹。需要有 an ongoing dialogue about the pros and cons of going out and staying in. He 持续对话的利弊出去住。他 has to keep assessing: How tired am I? Do I like the kids and the activity? 继续评估:我是有多累?我喜欢孩子和活动吗? Will I disappoint a good friend if I don’t go? 我将让一个好朋友失望,如果我不去吗? It’s particularly important to innies now to feel a sense of belonging and 现在是特别重要的innies感到了归属感和 acceptance. By taking a one-day-at-a-time approach, your child can practice 接受。以每天一次的方法,你的孩子可以练习 his skills to increase his network of friends. One day suggest that he try 他的技能来增加他的网络朋友。一天建议他试一试 flashing a smile at a stranger, passing a note of encouragement to a friend, 闪烁在一个陌生人微笑,传递给朋友的鼓励, saying hi to a new person, congratulating a friend who made a good play 和一个新人打个招呼,祝贺一个朋友做了一个好游戏 during sports, or saving someone a seat. Ask him how it went, and tell him 在运动,还是拯救某人的座位。问他怎么了,告诉他 you are proud of him. 你为他感到骄傲。 Groups are always a challenge for innies, so help your child understand innies团体总是一个挑战,因此帮助你的孩子理解 group patterns. Extroverted groups like chitchatting and light topics, and 组织模式。外向光和闲谈的话题,这样的组织 kids may come and go every five to fifteen minutes. These groups are 孩子可能会每5到15分钟。这些团体 always shifting and changing. Kids begin to feel antsy and want to move on, 总是转移和改变。孩子们开始感到坐立不安,想继续前进, or the conversation winds down—so don’t take it personally if someone 或谈话风下来不要个人如果有人 leaves as you arrive. A good choice is a group where kids look like they are 当你到达。一个不错的选择是一组孩子看起来像他们在哪里 having fun, there isn’t much arguing, and everyone is chatting. From a 开心,没有多说,每个人都在聊天。从一个 distance of about four to five feet, your child can smile and gauge the other 约四到五英尺的距离,你的孩子会微笑和衡量 kids’ responses. Do they seem welcoming to a new member? If your child 孩子们的反应。他们似乎欢迎新成员吗?如果你的孩子 joins the group, she can smile, nod, laugh at jokes, and comment on the 加入该组织,她能微笑,点头,笑的笑话,和评论 topic after a few minutes. She can try to speak in party talk—short, snappy, 几分钟后话题。她可以试着讲党talk-short,上口, and light. “I know what you mean”; “That happened to me, too.” 和光。“我知道你的意思”;“这也发生在我身上。” Tweens and Teens 青少年 These are the years of heightened pack behavior. They can be pretty brutal. 这些都是多年的升级包的行为。他们可以很残酷。 There is a lot of group interaction and pressure to be like the crowd. 有很多小组互动和压力等人群。 Friendships may change overnight. It can be painful for any tween or teen, 一夜之间的友谊可能会改变。它可以为任何青少年间,是痛苦的 but innies especially can be hurt and become discouraged. They may not 但innies尤其是可以伤害和泄气。他们可能不 182 182年 realize that even the most popular kids feel pain about not being liked during 意识到即使是最受欢迎的孩子对不喜欢在感觉疼痛 these years. Innies need help to understand the pack mentality; otherwise 这些年来。Innies需要帮助了解包的心态,否则 they may withdraw. Encourage your innie to maintain friendly one-on-one 他们可能回避。鼓励你的innie保持友好的一对一 relationships with lots of kids. One or two good friends outside the pack will 与很多孩子的关系。一个或两个好朋友在包 ease the rough patches. 缓解粗糙补丁。 Teenage innies often find a role model they admire outside the family, like a 青少年innies经常发现一个榜样,他们欣赏在家庭之外,像一个 teacher, family friend, or even someone they have read about. It is important 老师,朋友,甚至他们读过的人。……很重要。 for growing innies to draw on a variety of resources to help build and 种植innies利用各种各样的资源来帮助构建和 sustain self-awareness and self-esteem. 维持自我意识和自尊心。 Here is a teenaged innie talking about her social life: 这是一个十几岁的innie谈论她的社交生活: Talking takes tons of energy since I feel I have to work to capture the other 说话需要大量的能量,因为我觉得我需要工作来捕获 kid’s attention. If I actually figure out what I want to say and I gear up to 孩子的注意力。如果我弄清楚我想说的,我准备 spit it out—I am often ignored. I get discouraged. Quite often other kids or 痛痛快快由往往被忽视。我气馁。经常其他孩子 even adults keep right on talking like I didn’t say anything. Later someone 甚至成年人保持正确的说喜欢我什么也没说。后来的人 else says the exact same thing and everyone responds. I wonder, What did I 别人说同样的事情,每个人的反应。我想知道,我什么 do wrong? Then on my way home or the next day I think of a great 做错了什么?然后在回家的路上或第二天,我认为一个伟大的 comeback to a smart-aleck remark or an answer to a question I was asked 回归到一个自作聪明的评论或回答一个问题我问 in class. Where was that when I needed it? I’m not sure if it’s my memory or 在课堂上。在我需要的时候,在什么地方?我不确定这是我的记忆或 if I am just empty-headed. 如果我只是愚蠢的。 My friend John said I was “standoffish. ” I don’t understand why he thinks 我的朋友约翰说我是冷淡的。“我不明白为什么他认为 that. I guess I am quiet sometimes. Out in the world, sometimes not one 那我想我有时安静。在这个世界,有时没有 word comes into my mind. I like my privacy. I know I keep my face straight 词在我的耳畔响起。我喜欢我的隐私。我知道我把我的脸直 and I look at my shoes when I’m trying to gather my thoughts to speak. But I 我看着我的鞋子,当我试图收集我的思想。但我 really like other kids. I like to talk about stuff. I wish they didn’t think I was 真的很喜欢其他孩子。我喜欢谈论的东西。我希望他们不认为我是 so “mysterious. ” I don’t think I am at all! 所以“神秘。“我不认为我! This offers a sense of how the social world looks to an innie. She is quite 这提供了一个有意义的社会世界内凹。她很 engaged with her friends, but sometimes struggles to keep her poise and is 与她的朋友,但有时努力保持镇定和 confounded by some people’s vision of her as aloof. 困惑的一些人的观点她冷漠。 Your child might feel independent in many ways but still need you to help 你的孩子可能会感到独立在许多方面,但仍然需要你的帮助 her sift and sort out friends’ behavior and attitudes. Encourage, help her 她的筛选和整理朋友的行为和态度。鼓励、帮助她 practice social skills, and don’t criticize. It is helpful to explain to older 练习社交技巧,不要批评。这有助于解释到老 innies that there are different types of relating and that kids have different innies有和孩子有不同的相关的不同类型的 goals for their friendships. This keeps them from making a catastrophe out 他们的友谊的目标。这让他们从制造一场灾难 of a bump in the road with any one friend. 撞在路上的任何一个朋友。 Many innies have good intentions, and they believe that all other kids share 许多innies善意,他们相信所有其他孩子分享 these goals. A good friend isn’t nice one day and nasty the next. A good 这些目标。一个好朋友不是不错的一天,糟糕的未来。一个好的 friend cares about you and can tolerate and discuss differences. When 朋友关心你,可以容忍和讨论差异。当 children have good will and they want to maintain a friendship, they can 孩子们有良好的意愿和他们想维持一段友谊,他们可以 183 183年 work out issues. Teach your innie how to articulate her desires and 解决问题。教你的innie如何表达她的欲望和 encourage her to speak up and tell others. Promote her ability to listen to 鼓励她说出来,告诉别人。促进她听的能力 what a friend wants and to negotiate. She can use her innate listening skills, 一个朋友想要和谈判。她可以用她天生的倾听技巧, reflect on what a friend says, and work toward a solution. It is very 反思一个朋友说什么,并努力找到解决方案。这是非常 important to begin to develop these skills now, so that when your innie starts 现在必须开始开发这些技能,所以,当你innie开始 dating, she can recognize teens with better intentions. 约会时,她可以识别青少年更好的意图。 Teach your innie to trust her feelings. If she is feeling protective or unclear, 教你的innie信任她的感情。如果她感觉保护或不清楚, there must be a reason. If she feels shut down or not listened to, then the 必须有一个原因。如果她感觉关闭或者不听,然后 friend may be going through the motions of trying to work things out but 朋友可能会通过运动试图解决问题 isn’t really committed. Talk about the importance of acknowledging feelings. 并不是承诺。讨论的重要性,承认的感情。 When she is upset, show her how to calm down and shift into a 当她难过,教她如何冷静下来,转变成一个 problem-solving mode. Innies usually find their own solutions once their 解决问题的模式。Innies通常一旦他们找到自己的解决方案 feelings are acknowledged. Then you can help clarify the problem and 感觉是承认的。然后你可以帮助澄清这个问题 understand what your child wants to do. Comments that are neutral but 了解你的孩子想要做什么。评论是中性的,但 make her thoughts and feelings clearer are most helpful: “Sounds like you 让她最有帮助的想法和感受清晰:“听起来就像你 might want Andi to come with you. ” “Are you worried she is already going 想要我和你一起去。”“你是担心她已经走了 with someone else? Is that right? ” “If she has a date already, who else could 和别人?是这样吗?”“如果她有一个日期,还有谁能 you ask?” 你问我?” One particularly destructive social motivation is revenge. During the junior 一个特别具有破坏性的社会动机是报复。在初级 high years, this behavior starts to rear its ugly head. The intent is to hurt the 年高,这种行为开始抬头。目的是伤害 other person. The battle becomes more important than what prompted the 其他的人。比什么促使战斗变得更加重要 fight in the first place. Kids who feel unsafe and frightened of others may 战斗在第一时间。孩子们感到不安全,害怕别人的可能 see the world as a war zone. They try to feel okay by getting back at others 把世界看成一个战区。他们试着感觉好让别人 instead of working through conflicts to find a middle way. Teach your child 而不是通过冲突找到一条中间路线。教育你的孩子 to detect and stay away from kids who are looking for a sparring partner. 检测和远离孩子们找一个陪练。 Group interactions and configurations get more elaborate during 团队之间的相互作用和配置更精致的期间 adolescence, but the same rules hold. If your innie feels like an outsider but 青春期,但相同的规则。如果你innie感觉就像一个局外人 is willing to try to join in, it’s best to pick an open group, as described above. 愿意尝试加入,最好是选择一个开放组织,如上所述。 Remember that talkative kids need listeners. They will appreciate someone 记住,健谈的孩子需要听众。他们会欣赏的人 else’s interest. Remember also that social groups don’t hang together very 其他的利益。还记得,社会群体不太团结在一起 long. They may break up into smaller conversational clusters. Another bit of 长。他们可能会分解成更小的会话集群。另一个的 advice to pass along to your innie: When entering a new group, avoid 建议传授给你的innie:当进入一个新的组,避免 disagreeing, making one-up statements, changing the topic, or asking 不同意,胜人一筹的语句,改变话题,或要求 personal questions. 私人问题。 Caveat: Don’t pressure your tween or teen about making friends at school or 警告:不要青少年间的压力或在学校交朋友 attending every social event. A quiet child already feels social pressure and 参加社交活动。一个安静的孩子已经感觉社会压力 usually wishes he weren’t so quiet. Frequent comments about friendships 通常希望他不那么安静。频繁的评论的友谊 will just make him feel more flawed. There are times he will wish he were 只会让他觉得更有缺陷的。有时他会希望他 more extroverted. Sometimes it is hard for innies to tear themselves away 更外向。有时很难innies撕裂自己走了 from friends, but they know their energy is waning. At other times they may 从朋友,但他们知道他们的能量减弱。在其他时候他们可能 184 184年 feel social pressure to stay with the group for fear of feeling like an outsider. 感觉社会压力在担心那感觉就像个局外人。 Assure him that he’ll have plenty of times to reconnect with friends. 向他保证,他会有足够的时间重新连接与朋友。 Innies forge relationships based on shared interests and compatibility. You 基于共同利益和兼容性Innies建立关系。你 can encourage your child in the social arena by placing a value on 可以鼓励你的孩子在社会舞台上通过将一个值 meaningful friendship, as opposed to the light banter that many place at the 有意义的友谊,而不是光在开玩笑,很多地方 core of social success. 社会成功的核心。
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快樂 (流畅感。) 楼主 2016-04-21 18:04:01
一些社会交往的技巧
Encouraging Your Introvert to Flex His Social 鼓励你的内向Flex他的社会 Muscles 肌肉 Practice Helps Strengthen Poise and Confidence, Even in Sticky 实践有助于增强自信和信心,甚至在粘性 Situations 的情况下 “A good friend likes your name so they can write it in bubble letters.” “一个好朋友喜欢你的名字,这样他们就可以把它写在泡沫信。” —Emily Barnett, age six 艾米丽·巴内特,六岁 While many parents see the social arena as beyond their control, be assured 虽然很多家长认为社会舞台上超出了他们的控制,是保证 that you can have a strong, positive influence on your introverted child’s 你可以有一个强大的,内向的孩子的积极影响 social abilities. After all, it is through her daily experiences with you that 社会的能力。毕竟,它是通过她的日常经验与你 she learns how to interact with others. One important way for you to help 她学习如何与他人互动。一个重要的方法对你有所帮助 her build social muscle is by valuing and recognizing her social gifts and 她建立社会肌肉是评估和认识社会和礼物 understanding her social challenges. And through your own example, you 理解她的社会挑战。并通过自己的例子,你 can teach social skills and increase her confidence in handling all types of 可以教社交技能和增加她的信心在处理所有类型的吗 social situations. Over time she will begin to “own” these strengths. 社交场合。随着时间的推移,她将开始“拥有”这些优势。 Transition Training 转变培训 “One does not make friends. One recognizes them. ” —Garth Hendricks “一个不交朋友。人承认他们。“加思•亨德里克斯 185 185年 When it comes to innies taking on the social world, transition time is a 当谈到innies承担社会世界,是一个过渡时间 biggie. Introverted children need time to think about upcoming events in 大问题。内向的孩子需要时间来思考即将到来的事件 order for them to properly adjust. As I discussed in Chapter 2, innies use the 他们要适当调整。我在第二章讨论,innies使用 brain pathway that preplans a course of action. Then they evaluate the action 大脑通路预案行动的方向。然后,他们评估行动 taken, assessing what just happened in the context of imagined future action. 上下文中的评估刚刚发生了什么事,想象未来的行动。 You can help smooth the way by preparing your innie for transitions into 你可以帮助铺平道路,准备innie转换到 social events. He will need to ponder the upcoming encounter, store energy, 社会活动。他需要考虑即将到来的遭遇,储存能量, and gear up to shift to an external focus. The more he knows about what lies 和齿轮转向外部的焦点。他知道什么谎言 ahead, the less of a fuel drain it is. If you don’t prepare him, he may devote 未来,更少的燃油消耗。如果你不准备,他可能投入 energy to anticipating how the future will be and get anxious. He may also 能源预测未来将如何和焦虑。他也可以 build up expectations, only to feel disappointed if it doesn’t turn out that 建立预期,如果没有结果感到失望 way: “Ben, are you all right? You look a bit sad. ” “I thought Noah was 道:“本,你还好吗?你看起来有点难过。”“我认为诺亚 going to go swimming with me. I didn’t know he had soccer practice. ” If 要和我一起去游泳。我不知道他有足球训练。“如果 you know what your innie is expecting, you can clarify misunderstandings 你知道innie预计,可以澄清误会 and minimize any disappointment. “That is too bad. Let’s find out Noah’s 和最小化任何失望。“这真是太糟糕了。让我们找出诺亚的 schedule so we have a better idea about when he’s available to come 安排我们有一个更好的主意,当他的可用 swimming with you. ” If you don’t ask, you won’t know what he’s thinking. 和你游泳。“如果你不要问,你不知道他在想什么。 Always tell your child about upcoming events a day or two in advance. 总是告诉你的孩子关于即将来临的事件提前一到两天。 “Maria, guess what? In two days Nana and Papa are coming to visit. ” An “玛利亚,你猜怎么着?在两天奶奶和爸爸来访问。“一个 innie responds to changes in routine, such as having visitors, in various innie响应变化的程序,如有访客,在不同 ways, depending on her level of energy, how comfortable she is with the 方面,根据她的能量水平,她是多么舒适 people involved, and what other transitions are happening at the same time. 人,其他转换发生在同一时间。 Visitors bring lots of hustle and bustle. It takes a good deal of fuel to adapt 游客带来很多熙熙攘攘。需要大量的燃料适应 to the excitement of a visit even from people she likes, with the added 访问的兴奋甚至从她喜欢的人,与补充道 energy drain of more bodies in the house. 能源消耗更多的尸体。 Verbalizing the schedule reduces an innie’s anxiety about the unknown. 说安排减少了内凹的对未知的焦虑。 “Let’s put stickers on the calendar to mark the days till they come and the “让我们把贴纸放在日历天直到他们过来 days they will be here. ” When you’ve done that, you can suggest making a 天他们将在这里。“当你这样做,你可以建议做 list of what you need to buy for their visit, or do something like make 列表的访问,你需要买什么或做类似 chocolate chip cookies for them. Have your innie draw a picture of what 巧克力饼干。有你innie画什么 she’d like to do with the guests. Innies often see pictures in their heads. If 她想要做客人。Innies经常看到照片在他们的头。如果 you help them shift the pictures to a new experience before it happens, they 你帮助他们照片转移到一个全新的体验在它发生之前,他们 can cope better. (“Do you remember what we did during their last visit? We 能更好地应对。(“你还记得我们最后一次访问期间吗?我们 went to the children’s museum. Your picture looks like you’d like to visit 去儿童博物馆。你的照片看起来像你想访问 the zoo this time.”) Occasionally, ask about the upcoming visit. One innie 偶尔动物园。”),询问即将到来的访问。一个innie told me, “I like it when Nana and Papa visit, but I hate not being able to 告诉我,“我喜欢奶奶和爸爸参观的时候,但我恨不能 sleep in my own bed. ” Knowing this, you can avoid a meltdown by 睡在自己的床上。“知道了这一点,你可以避免崩溃 changing the sleeping arrangements. 改变睡觉的安排。 Set up a private signal so your innie can give you the thumbs-up when he 建立一个私人信号所以你innie竖起大拇指时,他可以给你 needs a break. Sometimes the need for a break is sudden—his energy drops 需要休息。有时需要打破sudden-his能量下降 like an elevator plummeting to the bottom floor. Providing an exit route is a 像一个电梯地板底部暴跌。是一个提供退出途径 good way to steer clear of tantrums or surliness. 避开发脾气或粗鲁的好方法。 186 186年 You can do more than simply alert your child to upcoming social situations. 你可以做更多的不仅仅是提醒你的孩子即将举行的社交场合。 Better to actually give her a way to get a firm grip on the event in advance. 来给她一个更好办法提前牢牢的事件。 Let’s say you’re coming up on a big family wedding. Tell your innie 假设你在婚礼上一个大家庭。告诉你innie something about all the major players and your relationship to them. Show 所有主要的玩家,你们的关系。显示 photographs, if you have any. “See this young girl here? That’s my cousin 如果你有任何的照片。“看到这个小女孩吗?这是我的表弟 Anne, who’s the bride. She and I used to sneak downstairs and eat ice 安妮,谁是新娘。她和我曾经偷偷下楼,吃冰 cream. ” It’s helpful for innies to have a mental picture beforehand, and it’s 奶油。“这是有利于innies事先有一个画面,它 even easier for them to ask questions about strangers once they have some 甚至容易问陌生人一旦他们有一些 tangible information about them. Innies will spend less energy and be less 实实在在的信息。Innies将花更少的精力和更少 anxious if they are in-the-know about the cast of characters. 焦虑如果他们不在的人物。 If the event involves other kids, a good way to help younger children break 如果事件涉及到其他孩子,的一个好方法帮助年轻的孩子休息 the ice is to bring some simple toys to hand out. A few Mexican jumping 冰是把一些简单的玩具。一些墨西哥跳 beans, stretchy lizards, or small gliders quickly get kids playing and ease 豆类、弹性蜥蜴、或小滑翔机很快让孩子们玩耍和放松 awkward moments. A similar strategy for informal situations is bringing 尴尬的时刻。在非正式的情况下将类似的策略 what I call “honey toys” —those that attract others kids like bees to honey. 我称之为“亲爱的玩具”那些吸引其他孩子像蜜蜂和蜂蜜。 Help your innie make friends more easily by having other children come to 帮助你innie交朋友更容易被其他孩子来 him. When I take my grandchildren to our community pool, I blow 他。当我带我的孙子给我们的社区游泳池,我吹 long-lasting bubbles out over the water. In no time at all, all the kids are 持久的气泡在水中。在任何时候,所有的孩子们 having fun trying to shoot the glistening bubbles floating above them. I also 开心想拍摄上面的闪闪发光的泡沫漂浮。我也 have a plastic treasure box full of “jewels” for kids to dive for on the bottom 有一个塑料宝盒对孩子充满了“珠宝”扑向底部 of the pool. In one instance Christopher (then six), who doesn’t usually join 的池。在一个实例克里斯托弗(6),通常不会加入 in with new kids so readily, began playing almost immediately with a little 在新的孩子容易,几乎立即开始玩一点 girl who liked treasure, too. In no time, they had become pirates of the 女孩喜欢财宝。在没有时间,他们已经成为海盗的 Caribbean, Jack Sparrow and his matey. They splashed and dove for hours. 加勒比海,杰克·斯派洛和他的伙伴。他们溅,鸽子几个小时。 Hindsight Is 20/20 事后是20/20 Looking back on an event can be as productive as preplanning for it. Debrief 回顾一个事件可以预先计划一样生产。汇报 a day or so after a significant social outing; talk with your child when she’s 一天左右后一个重要的社会郊游,跟你的孩子当她 relaxed to help her sort out her feelings and thoughts about it. Without this 轻松的帮她解决她的感情和思想。没有这个 opportunity, she may draw mistaken negative conclusions, won’t learn from 机会,她可能得出错误的负面结论,不会学习 her experiences, and might avoid social events in the future. An innie’s 她的经验,可能在未来避免社交活动。内凹的 feedback system can turn into a backlash system when it joins forces with 反馈系统可以变成一个反弹系统时加入军队 her internal judge. If the judge/critic mouths off too much, your child can 她的内部法官。如果法官/评论家嘴巴太多了,你的孩子 become discouraged. This will inhibit her from enjoying her out-and-about 变得气馁。这将抑制享受她喜欢外出 experiences. During your daily chat with your innie, ask, “Now that you’ve 的经历。在日常聊天innie,问:“现在你已经 had some time to think about it, how did the sleepover go? ” “Well,” Abby 有一些时间来想想,如何在外过夜去了?”“好了,”艾比 said, “I think maybe I talked too much. ” (This is a common concern for 说:“我想也许我说太多了。”(这是一种常见的关心 innies, when they finally talk.) “Really. Did your friends lose interest in innies,当他们最后说)“真的。你的朋友失去兴趣了吗 what you said? ” “No, I don’t think so, but I felt a little funny talking so 你说什么?”“不,我不这么认为,但我觉得有点滑稽 much. I felt uncomfortable when they were all staring at me. ” You can then 多。我感到不舒服时,他们都盯着我看。“你可以 correct her perception. “It seems to me that if the other girls were looking at 纠正她的知觉。“在我看来,如果看其他女孩 you, they were showing interest in what you were saying.” 你,他们感兴趣的你在说什么。” 187 187年 Icebreakers 破冰船 Even for adults, one of the hardest aspects of socializing is starting a 甚至对于成年人来说,社交开始最困难的一个方面 conversation. Teach your child about opening questions. These are 谈话。教孩子关于开放的问题。这些都是 easy-to-answer questions that convey the message “I’d like to know you 容易回答问题,表达“我想知道你的消息 better. ” They tend to encourage more yes than no answers; “no” tends to 更好。“他们往往比没有答案,鼓励更多是的“不”会 close down a conversation. Playing close to the moment—asking about the 关闭对话。接近的moment-asking玩 situation you are in—is usually the best approach (as in, “Is the water warm 通常情况下你是最好的方法(如,“水温暖 enough?”). The next best is asking a child his opinion. (“Do you like the 够了吗?”)。下一个最好是问一个孩子他的意见。(“你喜欢 swings or the tire better? ” “Why did you decide to take karate? ” “What did 波动或轮胎更好?”“你为什么决定把空手道?”“什么 the teacher say yesterday about that movie? I was absent.”) It’s also good to 昨天老师说那部电影怎么样?我没有。”)也很好 make a comment about something you have in common. (“Hey, I have that 评论你的共同点。(嘿,我有 same Star Wars shirt. Where did you get yours?”) 同样的星球大战的衬衫。你从哪里得到你的吗?”) Especially in situations where they feel scared, exposed, or nervous, innies 尤其是在他们感到害怕的情况下,暴露,或紧张,innies tend to focus on the negative. It’s part of their auditory learning system, 倾向于关注那些负面的事情上。这是他们的听觉学习系统的一部分, which signals them to tag and store negative experiences. Since they also 信号标签和储存消极体验。因为他们也 have delayed emotional reactions, they may misread other kids’ responses in 推迟了情绪反应,他们可能误读了其他孩子的反应吗 moments when they are nervous or overstimulated. You can help your child 时刻当他们紧张或过度刺激。你可以帮助你的孩子 reevaluate the situation when he is calm, so he can have a more accurate 重新评估情况当他冷静,所以他可以有一个更准确 picture of the actual response he received. I’ve done debriefings with innies 他收到的实际响应。我所做的与innies汇报情况 that begin with “Everything went wrong,” and finish with something like, “I 首先“一切都错了,”并完成类似,”我 guess it wasn’t that bad, I did win first prize! ” And this is no exaggeration. 猜它不是那么糟糕,我获一等奖!“这并不夸张。 Other Ways to Help 其他方法来帮助 One of the most important things you can do to help foster your innie’s 最重要的一个事情你能帮助促进innie的 social skills is to demonstrate interest in other people. Be friendly with 社会技能是演示对他人的兴趣。和某人友好相处 everyone you encounter, and don’t exclude outsiders. Practice remembering 每个人都遇到,不排除外界。实践记忆 your child’s friends’ names, and ask questions about them. Talk positively 你孩子的朋友的名字,问问题。积极讨论 about your own friends. Give appropriate and authentic compliments. Model 对自己的朋友。给予适当的和真正的赞美。模型 good social skills when your child’s friends visit. Encourage your innie to be 当你的孩子的朋友访问良好的社会技能。鼓励你innie a host. For example, you can come up with a few possible activities to do 一个主机。例如,您可以提出一些可能的活动 and prepare snacks together before the guest arrives. Discuss Plan B: What 在客人到来之前一起和准备的零食。讨论方案B:什么 they can do if the guest doesn’t want to do the planned activities or boredom 他们能做如果客人不想做计划中的活动或无聊 sets in. Following are other ways you can help your innie in the social arena. 集。以下是其他方式你可以帮助你的innie在社会舞台上。 Steer Him Away from Internalizing 引导他远离内化 Innies tend to internalize conflicts and to take things personally. On the one Innies倾向于内化冲突和感情用事。在一个 hand, this represents an advantage; innies tend not to blame others for their 手,这是一个优势;innies往往不会责怪别人的 shortcomings and can thus use their experiences to grow and change. Also, 缺点,因此可以使用他们的经验成长和改变。同时, this means that they know what they care about and what sparks their 这意味着,他们知道他们所关心的,什么火花 188 188年 interest. However, living so much in their heads and having painful things 的兴趣。然而,如此多的生活在他们的头,痛苦的事情 happen to them may leave innies feeling like these unpleasant things only 发生在他们身上可能离开innies感觉这些不愉快的事情 happen to them. (“I gave the answer and the teacher ignored me. ” “I 发生在他们身上。(“我给答案,老师不理我。”“我 couldn’t think of anything to say. ” “I wasn’t invited.”) Most innies I work 想不出说什么好。”“我没有被邀请。”)innies我大部分工作 with think they are the only kids having problems. This is an impression you 认为它们是唯一的孩子有问题。这是一个你印象 can correct. 可以正确的。 Talk with your child about what aspects of social life he can control and 和你的孩子谈论社会生活的哪些方面他可以控制 what he can’t. For one, he can’t control other people’s behavior. However, 他不能。首先,他无法控制他人的行为。然而, he can learn to identify some common social patterns and reactions. Help 他可以学会识别一些常见的社会模式和反应。帮助 your innie turn down the volume on his internal critic so that he doesn’t 你innie调低音量内部批评,这样他不会 blame himself for normal childhood social rejections. It’s vitally important 怪自己正常的童年社会拒绝。这是至关重要的 to tell innies that they can make choices about their own behavior and 告诉innies他们可以对自己的行为和选择 choices about who to trust. They can learn what kind of friends they need 选择相信谁。他们可以学习他们需要什么样的朋友 and how to pick them. Assure your child that he is a good friend. Some kids 以及如何选择他们。保证你的孩子,他是一个好朋友。一些孩子 will want other types of friends, but this is not your child’s fault. And those 想要其他类型的朋友,但这不是孩子的错。和那些 kids may come around, too. 孩子们可能会在。 What your child can choose is when and how much she wants to socialize. 什么是你的孩子可以选择何时和她想交往多少。 Innies don’t generally feel as much social pressure or the need to be Innies通常不一样感觉社会压力或需要 included in everything that outies do. It’s more a matter of managing their 包含在形状所做的一切。更多的是管理的问题 energy. Olivia invited her pal Ashley to her house on Saturday for a 能量。奥利维亚邀请她朋友星期六为阿什利到她家 playdate, and that evening she had a piano recital. On Sunday, Sarah invited 上映期,晚上她的钢琴独奏。周日,莎拉邀请 Olivia to her house for lunch and to go see the new Star Wars movie with 奥利维亚去她家吃午饭,去看新星球大战电影 their family. Olivia didn’t want to go, and her mom asked why. Olivia said 他们的家庭。奥利维亚不想去,她妈妈问为什么。奥利维亚说 that Sarah’s family was too big and when they went out she worried that she 莎拉的家庭太大,他们出去后,她担心她 couldn’t leave if she got tired. Her mom helped her compromise; she would 不能离开,如果她累了。她妈妈帮她妥协,她会 have lunch with them but skip the movie. 与他们共进午餐,但跳过电影。 Shaking the Homebody Syndrome 摇晃爱家综合症 “Come on, Ryan. Let’s go! Ryan … Ryan. Come ON! ” Ryan’s mom was “来吧,瑞安。我们走吧!瑞安…瑞安。来吧!“瑞恩的妈妈 getting exasperated. “I don’t want to,” Ryan, eleven, said, looking at his 非常生气。“我不想,”瑞安,十一,说,看着他 mother as if he had lost his last friend. “I have one more coin book to check 母亲如果他失去了他最后的朋友。“我有一个硬币书检查 out. ” Most innies are homebodies. Home is their refuge. It’s familiar. It 出去了。“大多数innies是恋家的人。家是他们的避难所。这是熟悉的。它 stabilizes their energy so that they can delve deep into their interests. 稳定的能源,这样他们就可以深入他们的利益。 Surroundings affect innies a lot—their system doesn’t work as well in 环境影响innies——大英系统不工作 highly stimulating places. Since leaving home can feel like a wrenching 高度刺激的地方。自从离开家会觉得痛苦 shift, it helps to give innies a heads-up: “Ryan, in fifteen minutes we’ll be 转变,它有助于给innies提醒:“瑞安,十五分钟后我们会 leaving. ” From time to time when appropriate, let your innie stay home with 离开。“时不时地在适当的时候,让你innie呆在家里 a sitter or a relative, or alone, if he’s old enough. 保姆或亲戚,或独自一人,如果他够大了。 Getting motivated to leave home is hard for introverts, and this greatly 越来越想离开家对性格内向的人来说,是很困难的,这大大 affects their social lives. Simply put, there are times when your innie will 影响他们的社会生活。简单地说,有些时候innie意志
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快樂 (流畅感。) 楼主 2016-04-21 18:07:14
一些技巧 如何选择朋友
Steer Him Away from Internalizing 引导他远离内化 Innies tend to internalize conflicts and to take things personally. On the one Innies倾向于内化冲突和感情用事。在一个 hand, this represents an advantage; innies tend not to blame others for their 手,这是一个优势;innies往往不会责怪别人的 shortcomings and can thus use their experiences to grow and change. Also, 缺点,因此可以使用他们的经验成长和改变。同时, this means that they know what they care about and what sparks their 这意味着,他们知道他们所关心的,什么火花 188 188年 interest. However, living so much in their heads and having painful things 的兴趣。然而,如此多的生活在他们的头,痛苦的事情 happen to them may leave innies feeling like these unpleasant things only 发生在他们身上可能离开innies感觉这些不愉快的事情 happen to them. (“I gave the answer and the teacher ignored me. ” “I 发生在他们身上。(“我给答案,老师不理我。”“我 couldn’t think of anything to say. ” “I wasn’t invited.”) Most innies I work 想不出说什么好。”“我没有被邀请。”)innies我大部分工作 with think they are the only kids having problems. This is an impression you 认为它们是唯一的孩子有问题。这是一个你印象 can correct. 可以正确的。 Talk with your child about what aspects of social life he can control and 和你的孩子谈论社会生活的哪些方面他可以控制 what he can’t. For one, he can’t control other people’s behavior. However, 他不能。首先,他无法控制他人的行为。然而, he can learn to identify some common social patterns and reactions. Help 他可以学会识别一些常见的社会模式和反应。帮助 your innie turn down the volume on his internal critic so that he doesn’t 你innie调低音量内部批评,这样他不会 blame himself for normal childhood social rejections. It’s vitally important 怪自己正常的童年社会拒绝。这是至关重要的 to tell innies that they can make choices about their own behavior and 告诉innies他们可以对自己的行为和选择 choices about who to trust. They can learn what kind of friends they need 选择相信谁。他们可以学习他们需要什么样的朋友 and how to pick them. Assure your child that he is a good friend. Some kids 以及如何选择他们。保证你的孩子,他是一个好朋友。一些孩子 will want other types of friends, but this is not your child’s fault. And those 想要其他类型的朋友,但这不是孩子的错。和那些 kids may come around, too. 孩子们可能会在。 What your child can choose is when and how much she wants to socialize. 什么是你的孩子可以选择何时和她想交往多少。 Innies don’t generally feel as much social pressure or the need to be Innies通常不一样感觉社会压力或需要 included in everything that outies do. It’s more a matter of managing their 包含在形状所做的一切。更多的是管理的问题 energy. Olivia invited her pal Ashley to her house on Saturday for a 能量。奥利维亚邀请她朋友星期六为阿什利到她家 playdate, and that evening she had a piano recital. On Sunday, Sarah invited 上映期,晚上她的钢琴独奏。周日,莎拉邀请 Olivia to her house for lunch and to go see the new Star Wars movie with 奥利维亚去她家吃午饭,去看新星球大战电影 their family. Olivia didn’t want to go, and her mom asked why. Olivia said 他们的家庭。奥利维亚不想去,她妈妈问为什么。奥利维亚说 that Sarah’s family was too big and when they went out she worried that she 莎拉的家庭太大,他们出去后,她担心她 couldn’t leave if she got tired. Her mom helped her compromise; she would 不能离开,如果她累了。她妈妈帮她妥协,她会 have lunch with them but skip the movie. 与他们共进午餐,但跳过电影。 Shaking the Homebody Syndrome 摇晃爱家综合症 “Come on, Ryan. Let’s go! Ryan … Ryan. Come ON! ” Ryan’s mom was “来吧,瑞安。我们走吧!瑞安…瑞安。来吧!“瑞恩的妈妈 getting exasperated. “I don’t want to,” Ryan, eleven, said, looking at his 非常生气。“我不想,”瑞安,十一,说,看着他 mother as if he had lost his last friend. “I have one more coin book to check 母亲如果他失去了他最后的朋友。“我有一个硬币书检查 out. ” Most innies are homebodies. Home is their refuge. It’s familiar. It 出去了。“大多数innies是恋家的人。家是他们的避难所。这是熟悉的。它 stabilizes their energy so that they can delve deep into their interests. 稳定的能源,这样他们就可以深入他们的利益。 Surroundings affect innies a lot—their system doesn’t work as well in 环境影响innies——大英系统不工作 highly stimulating places. Since leaving home can feel like a wrenching 高度刺激的地方。自从离开家会觉得痛苦 shift, it helps to give innies a heads-up: “Ryan, in fifteen minutes we’ll be 转变,它有助于给innies提醒:“瑞安,十五分钟后我们会 leaving. ” From time to time when appropriate, let your innie stay home with 离开。“时不时地在适当的时候,让你innie呆在家里 a sitter or a relative, or alone, if he’s old enough. 保姆或亲戚,或独自一人,如果他够大了。 Getting motivated to leave home is hard for introverts, and this greatly 越来越想离开家对性格内向的人来说,是很困难的,这大大 affects their social lives. Simply put, there are times when your innie will 影响他们的社会生活。简单地说,有些时候innie意志 189 189年 have to tear herself away from the house, despite herself. This can be a point 眼泪自己离开房子,尽管她自己。这可以是一个点 of negotiation and compromise. “You stayed home this morning, so this 谈判和妥协。“你今天早上呆在家里,所以这个 afternoon I want you to go with me to Uncle John’s. I know you don’t want 下午我想要你和我一起去约翰的叔叔。我知道你不想要 to, but I bet you’ll have fun with your cousin Libby. ” Notice how the outing ,但我敢打赌,你会玩得开心你表哥利比。“注意,郊游 goes. Resist the temptation to say, “I told you so,” but you can reflect out 走了。抵制诱惑说:“我早就告诉过你了”,但你可以反映出来 loud after the event. “It’s hard to decide sometimes, isn’t it? You felt like 大声的。“有时很难决定,不是吗?你觉得 staying home, but when you went you had fun. ” The experience can help 呆在家里,但当你走你有乐趣。“经验可以帮助 motivate your child next time she resists an outing. 鼓励你的孩子下次她抗拒一个郊游。 As your child gets older, help her assess how much she has been out vs. how 随着孩子年龄的增长,帮助评估多少她一直与如何 much she has been cocooning. Too many engagements can lead to a social 她一直在作茧。太多的活动可能导致一个社会 hangover. But if it’s been mostly home time, even an innie can accept the 宿醉。但如果这是大多时间,甚至内凹可以接受 fact that it’s time to go out. Everyone gets stale after too much at-home 事实是出去的时候了。每个人都过期后太多的家庭 time—though an innie might need to be reminded of this. 虽然内凹可能需要提醒的。 Teach Him How to Choose Friends 教他如何选择朋友 Innies can observe qualities they like and find pals that fit them. They may Innies可以观察的品质他们喜欢和找到适合他们的朋友。他们可能 want a variety of friends. And, at various ages, they may change the style of 需要各种各样的朋友。在不同的年龄,他们可能会改变的风格 friends they want. Give him your impressions of his friends, and ask for his. 他们想要的朋友。你印象他的朋友给他,要求他。 “I see you and Casey enjoy pretending together. She’s good at making up “我看到你和凯西喜欢假装在一起。她擅长编造 imaginary lands. ” “Boy, you have good talks with Kevin about spaceships. 虚构的土地。”“孩子,你有良好的谈判与凯文关于宇宙飞船。 He remembers a lot about what you tell him. Have you noticed that? ” This 他记得很多关于你告诉他什么。你注意到吗?“这 type of discussion can help your child evaluate his friends and lays the 类型的讨论可以帮助您的孩子评估他的朋友和奠定了 groundwork for finding good fits in future relationships. 为将来找到好的适合的关系。 Innies do best with an innie friend or two. A good friend for an innie is a 两个Innies最好和内凹的朋友。一个好朋友为内凹 child who has a similar pace and with whom she can have good 孩子也有类似的速度和与她可以有很好的 conversations. When she gets older, an outie friend is great for drawing her 的谈话。当她渐渐长大,画她的外朋友是伟大的 out and encouraging her adventurous spirit. However, with an outie friend, 并鼓励她的冒险精神。然而,随着外突出了朋友, an innie does need to watch her energy level and be ready to say that she 内凹确实需要看她的能级和准备说她 wants to call it quits. Surrounding herself with too many outie friends is 想要停止工作。外突出自己周围有太多朋友 unlikely to satisfy an innie; their attention span is short, they may not enjoy 不可能满足内凹;他们的注意力持续时间很短,但是,他们可能不喜欢 lengthy conversations, and they tend to argue more. 冗长的谈话,他们更倾向于认为。 Building Bridges 建设桥梁 I was driving a friend’s eight-year-old son, Zane, home from school and 我开车朋友的八岁的儿子,赞恩,从学校和回家 needed to stop to drop off a gift at another friend’s house. I explained to 需要停下来把礼物送到另一个朋友的房子。我解释说 Zane that we wouldn’t stop for long but would say hello for a few minutes. 赞恩,我们不会停止长时间但会几分钟问好。 He said, “I’m not comfortable meeting new people. So I may not be very 他说,“我不舒服结识新朋友。所以我可能不是很 friendly. ” I assured him that this was okay; I knew this about him already. 友好。”我向他保证,这是好的,我知道这对他了。 He then surprised me by being quite gregarious with my friend, asking lots 然后,他很惊讶我的爱和我的朋友,问很多 190 190年 of questions about her dogs, and showing great interest in the things in her 关于狗的问题,显示出极大的兴趣在她的事情 house. 的房子。 I thought about this later and realized that Zane’s speaking up about his 我想这以后,意识到赞恩的说出他的 discomfort had the paradoxical effect of taking the pressure off—and thus 不适的矛盾影响再现出来,这样的压力 relieving the discomfort. This provided Zane with the psychological space 缓解不适。这为赞恩提供了心理空间 he needed to help him ease in. He presented his concern, and I accepted it. 他需要帮助他放松。他提出了他的问题,我接受了。 His statement to me served as a kind of bridge between his reluctance to 他的声明作为一种他不愿之间的桥梁 meet someone and the actuality of the interaction. 遇到的现实交互。 Meeting strangers can be challenging for innies. Here are several ways that 会议对innies陌生人可能是一个挑战。这里有几种方法 you can create a bridge: 您可以创建一个桥: • Hold your child (or hold his hand, or give him an affectionate •保存你的孩子(或者握住他的手,给他一个深情 nudge—depending on his age) and accept that he is anxious. Give him nudge-depending年龄)和接受他是焦虑。给他 reassurance. 安慰。 • Talk to strangers in a friendly way as you maintain contact with your child. •以友好的方式和陌生人说话当你和孩子保持联系。 • Tell the person, “It takes Tim a while to warm up to anyone new.” 蒂姆•告诉那个人,“需要一段时间来热身任何人。” • Never push him to be friendly before he’s ready. •从未推动他友好他是准备好了。 • Limit, if possible, the number of new people he meets at one time. •限制,如果可能的话,新认识的人的数量。 • Expose your child to the mail carrier, store clerks, neighbors, and •你的孩子暴露在邮递员,店员、邻居、和 acquaintances. 熟人。 • Make meetings with new people brief, upbeat, and friendly. •让会见新朋友短暂,乐观和友好。 • Don’t step in too soon or interrupt him. Balance speaking up for him and •不要过早介入或打断他。大声对他和平衡 giving him the space to pipe up for himself. Give him an opening: “You like 让他来管自己的空间。给他一个机会:“你喜欢 that TV show, too, don’t you?” 电视节目也不要你?” Appreciate Their Social Aptitude 欣赏他们的社会能力 Most innies are natural listeners. This is the number-one talent required for 大多数innies是自然的听众。这是第一的所需人才 establishing friendships. This is also why innies often grow up to work in 建立友谊。这也是为什么innies经常在成长 careers where strong relational skills are required. Let your innie know that 职业需要很强的关系能力的地方。让你的innie知道 she has good “earing. ” Tell her that you like the way she listens to you. 她有很好的“耳索。“告诉她,你喜欢她听你的方式。 Acknowledge what she hears and remembers: “I see you remembered that 承认她听到什么,他回忆道:“我看你记得 Jack is allergic to strawberries. ” Compliment her ability to tune in: “You’re 杰克对草莓过敏。“赞美她收听的能力:“你 a good friend,” or “I could tell you had your ears turned up to high, you 一个好朋友,”或“我可以告诉你你的耳朵出现高,你 191 191年 were listening so attentively. I like that about you. ” Acknowledge her 所以用心听讲。我对你那样。“承认她 questions; innies are often very insightful. 问题;innies通常很有见地。 Whether your innie is right- or left-brained will likely show up in 无论你innie是正确的——或者左脑可能会出现在 conversations. A child who is more right-brained will notice feelings more 的谈话。一个孩子右脑发达,更会注意到感觉 and be sensitive to others’ feelings. “You know what happened to my friend 对他人的感受和敏感。“你知道我的朋友发生了什么事 Amber’s parakeet? ” Carrie asks me. “He died from some germ he already 琥珀色的长尾小鹦鹉吗?“嘉莉问我。“他已经死于一些细菌 had when they brought him home from the pet store. Amber thought maybe 当他们把他从宠物店回家。琥珀以为 she did something wrong, but the pet store man said she didn’t. He gave her 她做错了什么事,但宠物店的人说,她没有。他给了她 another one, but she misses Al—that’s what she called him. I told her I felt 另一个,但她想念的东西。她叫他什么。我告诉她我的感受 the same way when my hamster died.” 当我的仓鼠一样死了。” Right-brained innies may have a high emotional quotient, or “EQ. ” They 右脑innies可能有高情商,情商。“他们 can imagine themselves in another child’s shoes. This is called having 可以想象自己在另一个孩子的鞋子。这就是所谓的有 empathy. From that vantage point, standing in his friend’s sneakers, such an 同理心。从这个角度,站在他朋友的运动鞋,这样一个 innie will be able to reflect back to the other child his feelings and thoughts. innie能够反映回另一个孩子他的感情和想法。 His friends will feel heard and accepted. Nothing is more powerful to 他的朋友会觉得听到并接受。没有什么是更强大 friendship than knowing that someone understands your point of view. 友谊比知道有人理解你的观点。 If your innie isn’t such a good listener or doesn’t have as much empathy, she 如果你的innie也不是一个好的倾听者或没有同情心,她 may be left-brained. She may like to discuss facts and such. You can help 可能是左脑。她可能喜欢讨论事实等。你可以帮助 her learn to improve her emotional skills. Teach her how to reflect back, 她学会改善情感技能。教她如何反映, without merely parroting, to her friends what she is hearing. Teach her to 不只是鹦鹉学舌,她的朋友们她所听到的。教她 listen for emotion and for the main point someone is making. You can 听为情感和主要观点有人做。你可以 indicate how to read people when you two are alone. “What do you think 显示如何阅读的人当你两个是孤独的。“你怎么想 Ashley was feeling? ” “She looked sad to me. ” “Me, too. Why do you think 阿什利的感觉吗?”“她看起来很伤心。”“我也是。为什么你认为 she might have been sad? ” “I think her dog was sick.” 她可能是悲伤吗?”“我觉得她的狗生病了。” Innies have built-in hardwiring to use the most advanced emotional system Innies内置硬接线使用最先进的情感系统 in the right front lobe of the brain. It’s the home of mindsight and emotional 在右大脑的额叶。mindsight和情感的家 intelligence. The ability to surmise what others are feeling and being able to 情报。猜测别人的感受的能力,能够 intuit intentions are the central pillars of people skills. But innies’ emotional intuit意图的中央支柱人技能。但innies的情感 wiring won’t be turned on unless they have practice knowing their own 连接不会被打开,除非他们已经知道自己的练习 emotions and feelings. Parents can help them hone this talent by playing 情绪和情感。父母可以帮助他们磨练这个天赋玩 games that tune up their emotional antenna like “Guess That Feeling” and 游戏,调整自己的情绪天线像“猜这种感觉” “Guess That Point. ” “See if you can guess what I’m feeling when I tell you “猜这一点。”“看你能不能猜出我感觉当我告诉你 about my day and what is the most important point to me about what I’m 关于我的一天,最重要的一点是什么关于我 telling you. ” Take turns. Let her practice reflecting what you were feeling 告诉你的。“轮流。让她实践反映出你的感觉 and what was important about your day. Then you do the same thing with 和关于你的一天是非常重要的。然后你做同样的事情 her. This will give her what we, in the therapy trade, call a “felt experience” 她的这将给她我们在治疗贸易,称之为“感觉经验” of being seen and heard. 被看到和听到。 You can also demonstrate responding to thoughts and feelings by doing this 你也可以展示应对思想和情感通过这样做 in the moment with family members and friends. Andrew’s friend, Ben, his 在当下与家人和朋友。安德鲁的朋友,本,他的 eyes shining, was speed-talking in a loud voice about his new Game Boy. 眼睛闪闪发光,是speed-talking大声对他新游戏的男孩。 192 192年 His words were tumbling out like a gushing waterfall. His mom said, “Boy, 他的话翻滚出像滔滔不绝的瀑布。他的妈妈说:“男孩, can’t you tell by the way Ben’s eyes are gleaming and how fast he’s talking 你不能告诉顺便本的眼睛是闪亮的,他说的有多快 about that new Game Boy that he is soooo excited about that thing? Am I 关于这个新游戏的男孩,他是如此如此的兴奋的事情吗?我 right, Ben? ” “Yes, I am sooooooo excited,” Ben says as he spins around the 对了,本?”“是的,我sooooooo兴奋,”本说他周围旋转 table. They all laugh, and Andrew and Ben run off to play. An added benefit 表。他们都笑了,安德鲁和本跑去玩。另一个好处 here is that Ben will probably calm down a bit because he was heard. 是本可能会平静下来一点,因为他听到了。 Explain to your child that temperament affects how children act and speak. 向你的孩子解释,气质会影响孩子行为和说话。 She can then learn to convert and adapt to each dialect, becoming, in effect, 她可以学会转换,适应每个方言,成为,实际上, “bilingual. ” It is important for innies to understand extroverts, since they are “双语。“innies理解外向的人是很重要的,因为他们是 the majority group. Beyond this, it is empowering. By learning the other 绝大多数群体。除此之外,它是授权。通过学习其他 language, innies can learn how outies think—and thus how to interact with 语言,innies形状可以学习如何思考,因此如何相互作用 them. As for outies, they can learn that some children are different from 他们。至于形状,他们可以学习一些孩子是不同的 them. Becoming bilingual will widen their view of others. They can also 他们。成为双语会扩大他们对他人的看法。他们还可以 gain the advantages they might have overlooked in innies. Help your child 他们可能忽视innies获得优势。帮助你的孩子 learn the language of innies and outies: 学习的语言内外的形状:
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快樂 (流畅感。) 楼主 2016-04-21 18:10:17
“双语”的小技巧
Be “Bilingual” —How to Speak Both Innie and Outie “双语”——外突出Innie和说话 When you’re talking with an innie, try the following: 当你和内凹,试试以下: • Speak slower and and more softly and allow pauses. •说得慢一点和更多的温柔和允许暂停。 • Tolerate silences. •容忍沉默。 • Use more complex sentences. •使用更复杂的句子。 • Don’t crowd them. •不群。 • Don’t overwhelm them with emotion. •不要压倒他们的情感。 When you’re chatting with an outie, you might want to: 当你聊天外,你可能会想: • Speak faster. •说话快。 • Use shorter sentences. •使用短句子。 • Lean forward. •前倾。 • Speak louder. •更响亮。 • Show expression. •显示表达式。 When you’re listening to innies, your best bets are to: 当你听innies,你最好的赌注是: • Pay attention. •注意。 193 193年 • Don’t interrupt. •不要打断。 • Reflect back what you hear. •反射你所听到的。 • Realize that what’s being said has been thought out. •明白说的是什么思想了。 • If you need to, ask for clarification, then wait for his response. 如果你需要,要求澄清,然后等待他的回答。 When you’re listening to outies, you’ll do best if you: 当你听形状时,你会做最好的如果你: • Offer immediate feedback. •提供即时反馈。 • Nod, smile, and laugh. •点头、微笑和大笑。 • Realize that interrupting is okay. •意识到打断是好的。 • Give compliments. •给赞美。 • Don’t take what they say as their final word on the subject. •别把他们所说的最后一句。 Getting the Most from Parties 从各方获得最 “Everyone with any sense and experience in life would rather take his fellow “每个人都与任何意义和生命宁愿把他的经验 one by one than in a crowd. ” —P. J. O’Rourke 比在人群中一个接一个。”- p。j . O’rourke A few years ago I brought our granddaughter Katie to a fourth-year birthday 几年前我带我们的孙女凯蒂去了一个四年级的生日 party at Chuck E. Cheese. We looked around for the birthday girl. She was 党在查克•e .奶酪。我们环顾四周的生日的女孩。她是 nowhere in sight. We finally located the mother standing by a table talking 不知道到哪儿去了。我们终于找到了母亲站在一张桌子说话 to the big, fluffy-costumed Chuck E. Cheese. “Where’s Brianna? ” Katie 大,fluffy-costumed查克奶酪。“布丽安娜在哪?“凯蒂 yelled above the din. The mother said, “She’s under the table, and she won’t 在喧嚣嚷道。母亲说:“她是在桌子底下,她不会 come out. ” Oh no, I thought, another birthday party disaster. 出来。“噢,不,我想,另一个灾难的生日聚会。 Follow Your Innie’s Dreams Innie追随你的梦想 Supporting a child’s interests makes all the difference in his social 支持孩子的兴趣使他所有的不同的社会 confidence. Jed has always been fascinated by movies and moviemaking. At 的信心。杰德一直着迷于电影和电影制作。在 age five, Jed wrote to the director of the latest Harry Potter movie and told 5岁,杰德写信给主任,告诉最新的哈利波特电影 him that he wanted to be a director when he grows up. His mom, with a 他说他长大后想成为一名导演。他的妈妈, fledgling Steven Spielberg on her hands, devised a great seventh birthday 羽翼未丰的史蒂芬·斯皮尔伯格在她手中,设计了一个伟大的第七个生日 party for him. She made pirate costumes for every guest. Jed wrote a script 党对他。她让每一位客人海盗服装。杰德写了一个脚本 for a play, and all the kids took part. Jed’s parents videotaped the play, made 玩,所有的孩子都参加了。杰德的父母录像播放, copies, and gave them as the goodie bag gift when the kids left. For his gift, 册,并给他们的礼包礼物当孩子们离开了。为他的礼物, they gave Jed an inexpensive video camera. Jed reminded me of Peter, the 他们给了杰德一个廉价的摄像头。杰德让我想起彼得, introverted child in the film Finding Neverland, who wrote a theater script 内向的孩子在电影《寻找梦幻岛,他写了一个戏剧脚本 194 194年 for his three brothers to take part in. J. M. Barrie was so impressed with 他的三个兄弟参加。j·m·巴里留下了深刻的印象 Peter that he used him as the namesake—and model—for Peter Pan. 彼得,他使用他的机构模型,彼得·潘。 Now, this might involve more work than the typical parent wants—or is able 现在,这可能包括更多的工作比典型的父母想要的是能力 to—devote to a birthday party. But the point is that Jed’s mother 投入到一个生日聚会。但关键是,杰德的母亲 acknowledged her son’s avocation and showed him how, through 承认她儿子的副业,并向他展示了如何通过 his interests, he can connect to others. 他的利益,他可以连接到其他人。 Children’s birthday parties have become big deals and very stressful. Some 儿童生日派对已经成为大型交易,非常紧张。一些 are overly fancy, crowded with kids and adults, and seem to go on forever. 过于花哨,挤满了孩子和成人,似乎永远继续下去。 Help your innie prepare for a birthday party. When the invitation arrives, 帮助你innie为生日聚会做准备。邀请到来后, talk about it. If there are several parties in a row, let her skip one or two she 谈论它。如果连续有几个政党,让她跳过一个或两个 doesn’t feel strongly about. If she plans to go, put a sticker on the calendar 感觉不强烈。如果她计划去,把日历上的贴纸 for the date. When you call to RSVP, ask how many children will be there 的日期。当你电话回复,问有多少孩子会 and what activities are planned. Then pass along the information to your 和活动计划。然后传递给你的信息 child so she can mentally prepare. Have your child help you choose and 孩子,这样她就可以精神准备。让孩子帮你选择和吗 wrap the gift and let her make the card. This will help her feel more 包装的礼物,让她的名片。这将帮助她感觉更多 involved. Incidentally, many innies are insightful about choosing gifts and 参与。顺便说一句,许多innies对选择礼物和洞察力的 usually enjoy wrapping them. 通常喜欢包装它们。 The Myth of Popularity 流行的神话 Many parents express concern that their introverted child has only one or 许多家长表示担忧,内向的孩子只有一个 two friends. Shouldn’t she have more friends? they wonder. Shouldn’t she 两个朋友。难道她有更多的朋友吗?他们想知道。难道她 be more popular? 更受欢迎? Researchers have determined that many of our preconceived notions about 研究人员已确定,我们的许多先入为主的观念 popularity are incorrect. Interestingly, studies have found that being liked 流行是不正确的。有趣的是,研究发现,被喜欢 and being popular are two completely different things. In several replicated 和流行的是两件完全不同的事情。在几个复制 studies, children were asked who was popular and whom they liked. The 研究中,孩子们被问到谁是受欢迎的,他们喜欢。的 researchers were not surprised to find that kids could identify the popular 研究人员惊奇地发现,孩子不能识别流行 kids. But they were surprised to find that the popular kids weren’t always 的孩子。但他们惊奇地发现,受欢迎的孩子不总是这样 well liked. Often the popular kids were actually feared and resented because 好喜欢。常受欢迎的孩子实际上是害怕和憎恨,因为 they appeared to want power over others, not friendship. They were 他们似乎想要凌驾他人之上的权力,而不是友谊。他们是 considered mean, bossy, and leaders of exclusive cliques. This supports 考虑的意思是,专横,独家派系的领导人。这支持 other research about how often the most popular kids in high school don’t 其他研究如何往往最受欢迎的孩子在高中时没有 fulfill their potential later in life. Power wanes as friendship skills gain. As 在今后的生活中实现他们的潜力。权力减弱技能获得的友谊。作为 kids enter adulthood, they need more than flashy power moves to get along 孩子进入成年期,他们需要更多的力量移动相处 with others—they need real people skills such as the ability to listen, 他们需要真实的人的技能如听的能力, empathize, and respect others’ viewpoints. 理解和尊重他人的观点。 Another study examined a different myth: If you want to be well liked, you 另一项研究调查了不同的神话:如果你想成为好喜欢你 need to be a social butterfly. But studies show that kids who are liked 需要一个交际花。但研究表明,孩子们喜欢 actually devoteless time to socializing than many other kids do. Rather than 实际上devoteless时间比许多其他孩子社交。而不是 195 195年 “getting out there,” the main trait that children valued in other kids was “得到”的主要特征,孩子们重视其他孩子 kindness. 的好意。 Knowing how to strike up and maintain friendships and knowing how to 知道如何建立起并保持友谊和知道如何 work and play well with others are important. But that doesn’t mean being 工作和娱乐与他人是很重要的。但这并不意味着 the most noticed or the most invited. Don’t overrate popularity. Encourage a 最注意到或邀请。不要过高估计的声望。鼓励 few friends and a few activities—quality, not quantity, is the name of the 一些朋友和一些activities-quality,而不是数量的名称 game. Many parents invest in sports, academics, and other types of lessons. 游戏。许多父母投资体育、学者和其他类型的课程。 Without downplaying the value of these, don’t forget to practice at home 没有淡化这些的价值,不要忘记在家里练习 what will help your innie the most—strong, basic relationship skills. 你将帮助innie最强,基本技能的关系。 Discuss the party earlier in the day. “It’s almost party time. How are you 晚会当天早些时候讨论。“这几乎是派对时间。你好 feeling? ” you can ask. “Is there anything you are worried about? ” “I’m 感觉呢?“你可以问。“你担心什么?”“我 excited, but I hope there aren’t too many kids,” Reese says. “Well,” you can 兴奋,但我希望没有太多的孩子,”里斯说。“嗯,” say, “if it feels crowded don’t forget to take a breather. ” Be sure your child 说,“如果感觉拥挤的别忘了呼吸。“要确保你的孩子 is rested and has eaten before going. Remind him that intense bodily 是休息和吃了之前。提醒他,强烈的身体 discomforts, like butterflies in the stomach or upper-body tension, will 不适,像蝴蝶在胃里或上身紧张,会的 dissipate as he becomes more comfortable. Don’t push him to interact 消散,他变得更加舒适。别逼他进行交互 before he feels ready. Let him ease into the party by watching with you from 之前他觉得准备好了。让他放松与你从党通过观看 the sidelines. It might help to arrive a few minutes early to say hello to the 观望。它可能帮助提前几分钟到达,问好 host child and get acclimated before the other guests show up. Remind him 主人的孩子,习惯在其他客人出现之前。提醒他 to take breaks away from the hubbub, perhaps helping in the kitchen, 休息远离喧闹,也许帮助在厨房, stepping into a quiet, unused room, or sitting on the front porch for a while. 走进一个安静的、闲置的房间或坐在门廊。 If it’s a long party, he may not want to stay for the whole time. 如果这是个漫长的党,他可能不想停留。 If you stay through the party, you can help simply by being open and 如果你呆在这里聚会,你可以简单地通过开放 friendly. If you chat with some of the kids, your child may join in after a 友好。如果你聊天的孩子,你的孩子可能加入之后 while. Remind her that when she feels ready, she can wave, nod, or say hi. 时间。提醒她,当她觉得自己准备好了,她可以挥手,点头打招呼。 As she gets older she can learn to smile at a friendly-looking child and 随着年龄增长而出现的她可以友善的孩子,学会微笑 practice an opening question. 练习一个开放的问题。 When your very young innie is having a birthday party, keep it small and 当你很年轻innie有一个生日聚会,保持小而 simple, short and sweet. Let him select the theme and have a say about the 简单,简单明了。让他选择的主题和有发言权 food, and encourage him to help prepare for the party. He may, in fact, 食物,并鼓励他帮助准备聚会。事实上,他可能 enjoy the preparations the most. Seven-year-old Todd’s mom and dad 最享受的准备工作。七岁的托德的妈妈和爸爸 planned his birthday party with both innies and outies in mind. They had a 计划他的生日晚会与内外的形状。他们有一个 Spider-Man bouncer set up in the backyard. They also put out toy dinosaurs 蜘蛛侠保镖设置在后院。他们还把玩具恐龙 and Lego construction pieces in the living room. Any of the boys who 在客厅里,乐高建设部分。任何男孩 needed a breather could get away from all the bouncing and bobbing. Boys 需要一个呼吸就可以摆脱所有的跳跃和摆动。男孩 flowed in and out throughout the party. Two introverted boys played alone 流淌在整个聚会。两个性格内向的男孩独自玩 with the dinosaurs for a while. One was the birthday boy himself. 与恐龙。一个是生日男孩自己。 As innies get older, they may prefer taking a friend or two to a movie or 当innies变老,他们可能更喜欢带一两个朋友去看电影 other special outing like a trip to the beach or skiing. By the age of eight or 其他特殊郊游去海滩或滑雪。八岁的或 nine, your child may want to tackle a sleepover with a few friends. You 九,你的孩子可能需要解决与几个朋友在外过夜。你 196 196年 might consider staggering birthday celebrations by separating family parties 可以考虑惊人的生日庆祝活动通过分离的家庭聚会 and friend parties. Usually, in our family, we have small parties. One 和朋友聚会。通常,在我们的家庭,我们有小党派。一个 celebration is for one set of grandparents and a few friends. Another party, a 庆祝是一组外祖父母和几个朋友。另一方, week later, is for the other side of the family and several other friends. We 星期后,是另一边的家人和其他几个朋友。我们 are quite flexible about the dates on which we celebrate birthdays and other 非常灵活的对我们庆祝生日的日期和其他 occasions. 场合。 Innies’ Guide to Dating Innies约会指南 Introverts are private kids who feel exposed easily. Their pace for dating is 内向的人是私人的孩子感觉很容易暴露。他们的约会是速度 usually slower than for outies, in part because they are less influenced by 通常慢于形状,部分原因是他们不太影响 peer pressure. This is especially true of male innies. Studies show that even 来自同辈的压力。男性innies尤其如此。研究表明,即使是 in college innies date less then outies. But, even if delayed in dating, innies 在大学innies日期小于形状。但是,即使推迟约会,innies are thinking about it—and they may have a secret crush. Don’t tease or 思考——他们可能暗恋。不要取笑或 embarrass your child about liking someone or if you notice that another 让你的孩子喜欢某人或如果你注意到另一个 child of the opposite sex seems to like her. Keep a positive attitude. “When 孩子的异性似乎喜欢她。保持一个积极的态度。“当 you are ready I’m sure you’ll enjoy dating. ” “What do you think would 你准备好我相信你会享受约会。”“你认为什么 make the best date? ” Innies with self-confidence will feel better about 做出最好的日期吗?“Innies自信会感觉更好 easing into dating. Keep a respectful dialogue going. Answer questions 宽松到约会。保持一个彼此尊重的对话。回答问题 about dating and sex, and talk about your own experiences. I have worked 关于约会和性,和谈论自己的经历。我有工作 with many innies whose parents were very popular in high school. The 还有许多父母在高中非常受欢迎。的 parents probably think they are encouraging their innie by setting high 父母可能认为他们鼓励innie通过设置高 expectations. But usually their innie child feels demoralized by his or her 的期望。但通常他们的innie孩子感觉他或她的士气低落 parents bragging about how easy dating was. 父母吹嘘约会是多么简单。 Potential Parent/Teen Dynamic 潜在的父/青少年动态 Since many innies are fun to talk with and seem like they are adults, they 因为许多innies跟有趣,看起来他们是成年人,他们 become a parent’s primary chatting companion. That parent can undermine 成为父母的首要聊天伙伴。父母可以破坏 the innie’s move toward dating because, without even realizing it, he or she innie走向的约会,因为不知不觉,他或她 doesn’t want to lose their conversation pal. Be on the lookout for this. 不想失去他们的谈话伙伴。注意。 Teens don’t always want to share their experiences with parents, but it’s 青少年总是不想与父母分享他们的经验,但它的 lovely when they do. My younger innie daughter always had male friends 可爱的。我年轻innie女儿总是有男性朋友 growing up, but she didn’t seem interested in dating until she was around 长大的,但她似乎并不感兴趣约会直到她 sixteen. One day, she asked me to drive her to the mall (she didn’t drive 十六岁。有一天,她问我开车送她到商场(她没有开车 until she was eighteen). She wanted me to see the quiet boy she liked. They 直到她十八岁)。她希望我去看她喜欢安静的男孩。他们 hadn’t talked much, but they had a letter-writing relationship going. We 没说太多,但他们有一个写信的关系。我们 walked past the Orange Julius stand and she said, “He’s working behind the 走过橙色朱利叶斯站,她说,“他是幕后工作 counter and is the one who’s a head taller than me, in the brown shirt and 计数器,是谁比我高出一个头,棕色的衬衫和 orange cap. But don’t look in. I don’t want him to see us. ” After we passed 橙色帽子。但不要看。我不想让他看到我们。“我们经过之后 the place and I had eyestrain from trying to look without looking, she kept 我有眼睛疲劳的地方试图看没有看,她一直 asking me, “Did you see him? Did you see him? ” I said, “I think so, but 问我,“你看到他了吗?你看到他了吗?”我说,“我想是这样的,但是 there were about five boys that fit your description—they all had on the 大约有五个男孩,你描述他们都一致 197 197年 Orange Julius uniform! But I think I saw him, and he looks very nice. I’m 橙色朱利叶斯制服!但是我认为我看到了他,他看起来很不错。我 sure he’s a good choice. ” Soon after, they had a nervous first date, and now 确定他是一个不错的选择。“不久之后,他们有一个紧张第一次约会,现在 they have been married for fifteen years. He was a good choice. 他们已经结婚十五年了。他是一个不错的选择。 Perhaps the most challenging aspects of dating, even for outies, is getting up 也许约会的最具挑战性的方面,即使对于形状,起床 the nerve to ask someone for a date. Your innie can practice, practice, and 勇气问某人约会。你的innie可以练习,练习,和 practice asking someone to a dance or to go out for a soda. Encourage your 实践要求某人跳舞或出去苏打水。鼓励你的 son to invite a girl to see a video at your house, for he will most likely be 儿子邀请一个女孩看到一个视频在你的房子,因为他很可能 more comfortable on his own turf. You can promise to disappear. You can 更舒适的在自己的地盘。你可以承诺消失。你可以 also help him brainstorm and plan other dating arrangements that would 还帮他头脑风暴和其他约会安排计划 help him feel at ease. Be sure that he activates his internal self-talking 帮助他感到轻松。确保他激活内部自言自语 cheerleader, not the critical judge. Remind him that everyone gets turned 啦啦队长,而不是关键的判断。提醒他,每个人都转过身来 down. You can also remind date-wary innies that although they might not be 下来。你也可以提醒date-wary innies,尽管他们可能不是 good at small talk, they are good conversationalists. They possess the 擅长闲聊,他们是好健谈。他们拥有的 qualities that make good long-lasting relationships. Pat yourself on the back 品质良好的长期关系。拍拍自己的背 if your innie discusses the issue of being gay. They trust you a lot. It’s hard 如果你innie讨论同性恋问题。他们信任你,很难 to talk about. See if you can help them sort out their feelings. Is this just a 谈论。看看你是否能帮助他们解决他们的感受。这只是一个 crush on a friend of the same sex? Or have they had these feelings for a long 喜欢同性的朋友吗?或者他们有这些感觉很长 time? Ten percent of all teens are hardwired to be gay. It can be isolating to 时间吗?百分之十的青少年都是天生的同性恋。它可以被孤立 be a gay teen so help them find some other gay teens. Encourage them to 所以同性恋青少年帮助他们找到其他同性恋青少年。鼓励他们 chill at your house. You may have strong feelings about your teen being gay 寒冷在你的房子。你可能对你的孩子是同性恋有强烈的感情 and it may help you to join a group for parents of gay teens. 它可以帮助你加入一群同性恋青少年的父母。 Pet Pal 宠物的朋友 Pets can be comforting and important friends for your child. Animals teach 宠物可以安慰和重要的朋友为你的孩子。动物教 about giving and receiving love. They teach patience, responsibility, and 关于给予和接受爱。他们教耐心,责任, they demonstrate how to play and enjoy life. Research shows that petting 他们演示如何玩,享受生活。研究表明,爱抚 animals reduces stress, anxiety, and illness. They also teach valuable lessons 动物可以减少压力、焦虑和疾病。他们也教宝贵的教训 about loss. Innies often enjoy the responsibility of raising dogs, cats, birds, 关于损失。Innies通常喜欢养狗的责任,猫,鸟, rats, mice, hamsters, or fish. And certainly dogs and cats make satisfying 大鼠,小鼠,仓鼠,或鱼。狗和猫也令人满意 companions and can be important for innies through adulthood. 同伴,可以重要innies通过成年。 Today’s parents are already so busy that many see pets as an added 今天的父母已经很忙,很多人把宠物视为补充道 responsibility and expense. As a result, many do not buy pets for their 责任和费用。因此,许多不买宠物的 children as often as in the past. But innies need to have a pet; they have love 孩子们经常在过去。但innies需要一只宠物;他们有爱 to give. Pets give a child confidence; having a pet teaches about trust. 给。宠物给孩子信心,拥有一只宠物教授关于信任。 Choose a pet that is a good relational counterpart—not too aloof, 选择一个宠物,是一个很好的关系counterpart-not太冷漠, rambunctious, temperamental, or nervous. You will be rewarded when you 喧闹的、喜怒无常,或紧张。你会得到回报 see your innie playing with and caring for his pet. You will be amazed by 看到你innie玩,照顾他的宠物。你会惊讶 how nurturing your innie child will be with his pet. 如何培养你的innie孩子将和他的宠物。 Introverted teens see dating as serious business and don’t like superficial 内向的青少年认为交友是严肃的事情,不喜欢肤浅的 relating. Because relationships are so important to them, breakups can be 有关。因为关系是如此重要,分手 devastating to an innie. Respect your child’s feelings and acknowledge how 毁灭性的内凹。尊重孩子的感情和了解 198 198年 painful it is to lose a girl- or boyfriend. Gently remind her that it gets better 痛苦的是失去一个女孩——或者男朋友。委婉地提醒她,变得更好 and that she will have other relationships. Watch for prolonged depression. ,她有其他的关系。关注长期萧条。 If the brooding lasts more than a month or two, have her talk with a 如果沉思的持续超过一个月或两个,她跟 professional psychotherapist. Another problem I have seen with innies, both 专业的心理治疗师。另一个问题与innies我见过, male and female, is avoiding a breakup that ought to take place because 男性和女性,避免分手应该发生,因为 their boy- or girlfriend is their central relationship. Encourage your innie to 他们的男孩——或女朋友是中央的关系。鼓励你的innie maintain other relationships while dating. 约会时保持其他关系。 There are many aspects of socializing and many ways to socialize. By 有许多方面的社交和许多社交的方法。通过 staying tuned in to your child’s social interests and apprehensions, you can 保持收听你孩子的社会利益和恐惧,你可以 help him take pleasure in friendships and enhance his comfort in groups. 帮助他喜欢友谊和提高舒适度。
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快樂 (流畅感。) 楼主 2016-04-21 18:13:10
在外向社会中如何生存
Thorny Social Patches 棘手的社会补丁 Help Your Innie Manage Conflict, Bullies, and Other Challenges 帮助你Innie管理冲突,恶霸和其他挑战 “Some people are always grumbling that roses have thorns; I am thankful “一些人总是抱怨玫瑰有刺;我很感激 that thorns have roses. ” —Ambrose Karr 刺的玫瑰。“安布罗斯卡尔 Friendship enriches our lives immensely, but no relationship is without its 友谊丰富了我们的生活无比,但是没有关系没有 thorny patches. Differences crop up and, while stressful, they can actually 棘手的补丁。差异的出现,虽然很紧张,他们可以 help relationships grow. But when differences aren’t handled effectively 帮助成长的关系。但当差异没有有效地处理 they can escalate into conflicts. Often this happens because of stress, 他们可以升级为冲突。通常这是由于压力, misunderstandings, unmet expectations, unaddressed feelings, incompatible 误解,未满足的期望,如果感情,不相容的 needs, or a failure to come up with solutions. Resolving differences and 需求,或者未能想出解决方案。解决分歧和 conflicts helps introverted kids learn how to manage in the world. They 帮助内向的孩子学习如何管理冲突。他们 learn to appreciate and manage differences, which expands their ability to 学会欣赏和管理差异,扩展他们的能力 cooperate with others. 与他人合作。 Introverts and extroverts have different physiological reactions to conflict. 内向和外向的人有不同的生理反应冲突。 When an outie faces a conflict, her side of the nervous system says battle. 当一个外面临冲突,她的神经系统说战斗。 She wants to argue or take action immediately. She interprets silence on her 她想争辩或立即采取行动。她解释沉默 adversary’s part as agreement. Outies get jolts of adrenaline and dopamine 对手作为协议的一部分。形状有震动的肾上腺素和多巴胺 199 199年 from conflicts, so some extroverted children actually instigate arguments in 从冲突,所以一些性格外向的孩子实际上挑起争论 order to feel alive. 为了感觉活着。 Under fire, an innie’s nervous system says pull back. He wants to reflect on 说下火,内凹的神经系统。他想要反思 a disagreement before he talks about it. He may be silent because he isn’t 在他谈到之前的分歧。他可能会保持沉默,因为他不是 ready to disclose his opinion. Studies show that conflicts consume lots of 准备披露他的意见。研究表明,消耗大量的冲突 energy for innies and require substantial recuperation time. It’s easy to see 需要大量能量内外的恢复时间。很容易看到的 why innies and outies have some challenges when there are conflicts. 为什么形状内外的一些挑战当有冲突。 It is very important to validate reality for your child. Some kids aren’t nice. 是非常重要的验证现实为你的孩子。一些孩子并不好。 Peace-loving innies think all other kids seek harmony, too. Even as adults, 爱好和平的innies认为所有其他的孩子寻求和谐,。甚至作为成年人, they often have trouble realizing that some people have aggressive 他们常常无法意识到有些人咄咄逼人 motivations. The fact is that life among peers is not always so idyllic, and 动机。同行之间的事实是,生活并不总是那么田园,和 not everyone plays fair. Some kids are good friends, others less so. Also, 不是每个人都公平。一些孩子是好朋友,其他的则并非如此。同时, friendships are anything but static. They change over the years, and 友谊是静态的。他们改变多年来, sometimes (especially in childhood) over weeks and days. Occasionally, a 有时(特别是儿童)几周、天。有时候,一个 friend will pull away or even overtly snub you. Sometimes friendships just 朋友会拉掉,甚至公然怠慢你。有时友谊 fizzle out. 失败了。 Everyone faces rejection at one time or another. Relating with people 每个人都面临着被拒绝一次又一次。与人有关 always involves risk, and some risks turn out okay, some don’t. It’s helpful 总是有风险,风险一些好,一些没有。它是有帮助的 for innies to realize that rejection is a normal and frequent social experience. innies意识到拒绝是正常的和频繁的社会经验。 Rejection has its beneficial side; it motivates people to make a good 拒绝有其有益的一面,它促使人们做出一个好的 impression and strive to improve their relationships and careers. Some 的印象,努力提高他们的人际关系和职业。一些 innies (more often right-brained innies) may be particularly sensitive to 右脑发达innies innies(经常)可能会特别敏感 rejection. They may bend over backward to avoid rejecting others, even 被拒绝。他们会尽最大努力避免拒绝别人,甚至 when not being friends with that person is the right thing to do. Some—not 当没有朋友的人是正确的。有些不是 all—left-brained innies may not be concerned about rejection to the point all-left-brained innies可能不会担心被拒绝 where they may appear arrogant or detached. Outies tend to be acutely 他们可能会显得傲慢或分离。形状往往是强烈的 sensitive to rejection but may not be mindful of how their reactions affect 敏感的排斥,但可能不会注意到他们的反应如何影响 others. Share some of the rejections you’ve experienced with your child. 别人。分享一些你所经历的拒绝和你的孩子。 This shows your innie that rejection is something you can survive, and so 这表明你的innie拒绝是你可以生存,所以 can she. 她可以。 It is crucial to explain to an innie that if a child calls her a name or teases her, 向内凹解释是至关重要的,如果一个孩子叫她一个名字或揶揄她, it isn’t her fault. Since innies tend to internalize and personalize what 这不是她的错。自innies内化和个性化 happens to them, their first inclination is to think, “I must have done 发生在他们,他们的第一反应是想,“我必须做 something. ” “Maybe I wasn’t nice enough, and now they are teasing me.” 一些东西。”“也许我不够好,现在他们取笑我。” “They see something bad in me so they are treating me badly. ” Most innies “他们看到坏事在我所以他们对我不好。“大多数innies care deeply about their primary relationships with friends and family, and so 非常关心他们的主要与朋友和家人的关系,所以 rejection, teasing, and name-calling really stings. You can say, “Some kids 拒绝、嘲笑和辱骂真的刺。你可以说,“一些孩子 have short fuses, and they just act that way. It’s crummy. ” Or, “I know you 脾气暴躁,行为方式。这是微不足道的。”或者,“我认识你 feel hurt, but it passes, and you are still okay. ” No one is born knowing how 觉得受伤,但它通过了,你还好吧。“没有人知道出生的 to behave with everyone. We all make social goofs as we are learning the 与每个人的行为。我们都使社会的失误,因为我们正在学习 ropes. In fact, that’s exactly how we all learn. 绳子。事实上,这正是我们所有人学习。 200 200年 An unfortunate reality is that innies live in an extroverted culture. As I have 一个不幸的现实是,innies生活在一个外向的文化。正如我 mentioned before, extroverts tend to prefer other extroverts. Other outies 之前提到的,外向的人更倾向于外向的人。其他形状 fuel their system. Innies usually don’t give them enough high-octane 燃料系统。Innies通常不会给他们足够的高辛烷值 interactions. Without knowing exactly why, outies may feel irritated by how 交互。不知道为什么,形状可能会感到恼怒 innies behave and therefore avoid or reject them. On the other hand, outies innies行为,因此避免或拒绝他们。另一方面,形状 feel rejected when an innie withdraws or if they feel the innie is withholding 内凹时感到拒绝撤回或如果他们觉得innie扣缴 on purpose. They may not take the time to get to know an innie. This 故意的。他们可能不会花时间去了解内凹。这 dynamic puts yet another hurdle on the innie’s social path. 动态将innie社会路径的另一个障碍。 Dealing with Discord 处理冲突 “A friend is someone who isn’t bossy. ” —Chloe Cravens, age seven “一个朋友不是专横的人。”克洛伊懦夫,7岁 Social bonds are fragile. Caring about relationships is the single strongest 社会关系是脆弱的。关心关系最强 thread that secures those bonds, which is why many innies are well liked. 线程确保这些债券,这就是为什么很多innies很喜欢。 They care. Part of their caring nature is an inherent tendency to be adaptable. 他们照顾。关爱自然的一部分是一个内在的倾向具有适应性。 Sometimes innies are seen as passive because they would “rather switch 有时innies被视为被动的,因为他们会”,而开关 than fight. ” Your introverted child may need help to know that there are 比战斗。“你的性格内向的孩子可能需要知道有帮助 times to be flexible and times to stand firm—and how to tell the 灵活和站公司如何告诉 difference. Even at very young ages, innies generally react differently than 的区别。即使在非常年轻的年龄,innies一般反应不同 extroverted kids to toy snatchings and other aggressive moves. You can 外向的孩子抢玩具和其他激进的举措。你可以 remind your child that it’s okay for him to protect himself and his 提醒你的孩子,没关系他保护他自己和他的 belongings. For example, an aggressive classmate gave one young introvert, 物品。例如,一个积极的同学给了一个年轻的内向的人, Jared, a hearty shove. Jared’s dad had previously coached him about such 贾里德,丰盛的紧要关头。杰瑞德的父亲曾执教他这样 situations and told him that he should say, “Leave me alone! ” in a loud 情况,并告诉他,他应该说,“别管我!”一声 voice. Jared knew the teacher would hear him and step in if needed, so he 的声音。杰瑞德知道老师会听到他和一步如果需要,所以他 spoke up for himself. The other child stopped bumping him. 为自己发言。其他的孩子停止撞他。 Innies need to learn that being nice doesn’t work with all kids or in all Innies需要学习,友善与所有孩子或不工作 situations. Different children have different intentions and motivations. 的情况。不同的孩子有不同的意图和动机。 Some kids want to be good friends, some like to be playmates, some want 一些孩子想成为好朋友,一些喜欢玩伴,一些想要的东西 pals, and there are a few kids who want a gang so they can feel powerful. 朋友,有一些孩子想要一个帮派,这样他们就可以感觉强大。 Play typically turns aggressive when adults aren’t near or those present 通常把积极当成年人玩不在场或附近 aren’t paying attention. It can be a fine line between boys’ 不关注。它可以是一个好男孩之间的界线 rough-and-tumble play and a sudden crossover to belligerent hitting and 打斗游戏,突然间交叉好战的打击 overpowering. A group of girls may be having fun talking one moment, and 压倒性的。一群女孩可能开心说稍等 before you know it one girl has been excluded from the group. Help your 不知不觉间,一个女孩被排除在该集团。帮助你的 child read the feeling she has when the play turns hostile. A sour note of 孩子阅读时感觉她玩敌意。的一个不和谐的音符。 discord can be struck quickly and without explanation. The feeling says its 不和可以快速达成,没有解释。感觉说的 time to move on to play with another child or join another group. 时间继续玩另一个孩子或者加入另一组。 Remind innies that even in one-on-one situations, conflicts are part of life. 提醒innies甚至在一对一的情况下,冲突是生活的一部分。 Finding solutions can actually be fun, like solving a mystery. The first step 寻找解决方案可以很有趣,就像解决一个谜。第一步 201 201年 in handling disagreements is listening to what the other child is upset about. 在处理分歧是听其他孩子不满。 “Oh, you want to be Captain Hook? ” Many innies can be too compliant and “哦,你想成为胡克船长吗?“许多innies可以兼容 say, “Okay you can be Captain Hook. ” This is fine occasionally, but 说,“你可以胡克船长。“这是偶尔,但是 acquiescing all the time can set up a child to be bullied. The best way to 他所有的时间可以设置一个孩子被欺负。最好的方法 build your innie’s confident assertiveness during disputes is to model good 构建innie纠纷期间自信自信是模型好 conflict resolution in your family. Research shows that kids who are socially 冲突解决的你的家人。研究表明,孩子在社会上 confident can accommodate both their own and the other child’s concerns 自信可以容纳自己的和其他孩子的问题 and be able to explain their reasoning. To wit: “Let me finish sending this 并能解释他们的推理。即:“让我完成发送 traitorous sailor down the gangplank. Then you can be Captain Hook. But 叛逆的水手跳板。然后你可以胡克船长。但 you can make the sound of the clock in the alligator’s tummy while you wait, 你可以让时钟的声音在鳄鱼的肚子当你等待, if you want.” 如果你想要的。” Tried-and-True Conflict Clobbering 可靠的冲突痛击 Teach your innie these simple steps to defuse a more aggressive child: 教你innie这些简单的步骤来化解更积极的孩子: DO: 做的事:
- Validate the other child’s concerns by empathizing with what’s bothering
1。验证作品的其他孩子的问题困扰 him. 他。 2. Try to step into the other child’s shoes: “Oh, you wanted to see my 2。尝试进入其他孩子的鞋子:“哦,你想看到我 Yu-Gi-Oh! cards.” 游戏王卡片。” 3. Offer a compromise to defuse the tension: “I’ll let you see my cards. Just 3所示。提供一个妥协化解紧张:“我会让你看到我的卡片。只是 ask me instead of grabbing them out of my hand.” 问我,而不是抓住他们脱离我的手。” 4. Know that it’s not merely okay but a good idea to discuss an argument 4所示。不仅知道它是好的,但一个好主意,讨论一个论点 later after both kids have cooled down. “You were pretty mad the other day. 后,两个孩子都冷却下来。“你很疯狂的一天。 Want to talk about it now?” 现在想谈论它吗?” DON’T: 别:
- Try to reason with an aggressive kid, especially when he’s angry.
1。与积极的孩子尝试的原因,特别是当他生气。 2. Contradict him or try to talk him out of his viewpoint. 2。反驳他或试图说服他的观点。 3. Minimize his concerns or make fun of him. 3所示。减少他的担忧或取笑他。 Discuss the conflicts your child has at school. “Megan doesn’t want Jade to 你的孩子在学校讨论冲突。”梅金不想让玉 be in the talent show with us anymore. I don’t feel good about leaving her 与我们的才艺表演了。我不离开她的自我感觉良好 out. ” Acknowledge your child’s feelings. Talk about how to settle the 出去了。“承认孩子的感受。讨论如何解决 conflict so that everyone involved gets some of what they want. Help her 冲突,这样每个人得到了一些他们想要的东西。帮助她 practice what to say, reminding her to explain her thoughts to the other kids. 练习说什么,提醒她解释对其他孩子的想法。 This is the step innies often leave out. 这是一步innies经常遗漏。 202 202年 Uptight and Stressed 紧张和压力 “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different “精神错乱是做同样的事情一遍又一遍,期待一个不同的 result. ” —Rita Mae Brown 结果。“丽塔梅布朗 Lots of situations, including conflicts and disagreements in the social arena, 很多情况下,包括冲突和分歧在社会舞台上, leave kids feeling stressed. Innies and outies have different responses to 使孩子感到压力。内外的形状有不同的反应 stress. Heed these markers to see if your child needs some help working 压力。注意这些标记,看看你的孩子需要帮助工作 through a conflict or other kind of struggle. 通过冲突或其他类型的斗争。 If your innie is stressed, you may notice that she: 如果你的innie强调,您可能会注意到,她: • Withdraws or avoids problems •撤回或避免问题 • Stops talking •停止说话 • Resists or becomes passive •抗拒或变得被动 • Feels overwhelmed and stalled •感到不知所措和停滞 • Becomes rigid •会变得僵硬 • Becomes irritable •变得易怒 • Blames herself a lot •指责自己 • Becomes physically exhausted and has increased muscle tension •变得疲惫不堪,增加了肌肉紧张 If your outie is stressed, you may notice that he: 如果你的外突出强调,您可能会注意到,他: • Blames others or the situation •指责他人或情况 • Wants to talk it out now •现在想说出来 • Becomes obsessive and compulsive about work •成为强迫性的,强迫性的工作 • Won’t stop and reflect •不会停止和反映 • Becomes ill and has body complaints •生病,身体的投诉 • Becomes defensive and angry •成为防守和愤怒 • Becomes anxious and worried •变得焦虑和担心 Help both innies and outies regain their equilibrium when they are stressed 帮助内外形状恢复平衡时强调 by talking it out. When you see signs like anger, moping, acting in an 说出来。当你看到像愤怒,闷闷不乐,表演的 203 203年 obsessive way, or refusing to talk, and they have lost their sense of humor, 强迫的方式,或拒绝说话,他们失去了幽默感, ask if something is causing stress. This helps; now at least he knows he is 问的东西造成压力。这有助于;现在他至少知道他 uptight. Acknowledging upset feelings is the fastest way to help kids reduce 紧张。承认不安的感觉是最快的方式来帮助孩子减少 stress—now outies can mute the battle mode, and innies can come out from stress-now形状可以静音的战斗模式,和innies可以从 their retreat. After your child has regained his balance, discuss what caused 他们撤退。后你的孩子已经恢复了平衡,讨论原因 the stress. See if he can learn to notice that stressed feeling before it gets 压力。看看他能学会注意到之前强调的感觉 him down and when he can do something about the situation. You can also 他,当他可以做些什么。你也可以 use the tips below to help him wind down. 用下面的小贴士,帮助他放松。 Helping Your Innie Handle Stress 帮助你Innie处理压力 • Give her time to think about the conflict or issue. •给她时间思考冲突或问题。 • Help her be aware that her feeling upset and fatigued stems from an •帮她注意,感觉沮丧和疲惫源于一个 unresolved conflict. 未解决的冲突。 • Give her room to safely talk about her thoughts and feelings. She may •给她的房间安全谈谈她的想法和感受。她可能 prefer to write about them. 喜欢写他们。 • Be patient. It may take her time to express her thoughts. •保持耐心。可能需要时间来表达她的想法。 • Help her relax. Her body and her speech may be more constricted. •帮助她放松。她的身体和她的演讲可能更狭隘的。 Helping Your Outie Handle Stress 外突出帮助你处理压力 • Let him talk about the conflict or issue. •让他谈论冲突或问题。 • Know that he may see several conflicts or issues. He will sort out the most •知道他可能会看到一些冲突或问题。他会解决 important ones as he talks. 重要的谈判。 • Be available to listen—he will want to discuss it right now. •可用来听,他现在想要讨论它。 • Don’t be surprised if his thoughts change as he talks. Don’t consider •不要惊讶如果他的思想改变谈判。不考虑 anything he says to be the final word on the subject. 什么他说最后一个字。 • Give him space to move around. It helps him think. •给他空间。它帮助他思考。 Detecting People Patterns 检测人模式 It’s important to start teaching introverted children early that people come in 早点开始教内向的孩子是很重要的,人们进来 different stripes and to help them learn to recognize some of those variations. 不同的条纹和帮助他们学会识别这些变化。 Innies can learn to be detectives and use their observational skills and their Innies学会可以侦探和使用他们的观察力和 persistence to understand various patterns of human behavior. This will 持久性理解人类行为的各种模式。这将 strengthen their social muscle. Help your innie think about what it’s like to 加强他们的社会力量。帮助你innie想想是什么样子 be with a playmate. Is this child fun? Is she trustworthy? Can she share most 与一个玩伴。这是孩子的乐趣吗?她值得信赖吗?她可以分享最 204 204年 of the time? Does she cooperate? Does she keep private information private? 的时间吗?她合作吗?她保留私人私人信息吗? Does she make your child feel good about herself? After playing with her, 她让孩子对自己感觉良好吗?在和她玩, does your child feel tired but happy or really, really drained? 你的孩子真的感到很累,但是很开心,真的耗尽了吗? Maintain an ongoing discussion about how children and adults behave. 保持一个正在进行的讨论关于儿童和成人的行为。 Often adults feel that they shouldn’t discuss how people act because it’s 成年人往往觉得他们不应该讨论人们如何行为,因为它是 critical or gossipy. So they act as if everyone were the same or as if all 关键或八卦。所以他们充当如果每个人都是相同的或者如果所有 behavior were acceptable. However, introverted children do pick up nuances 行为是可以接受的。然而,内向的孩子捡起的细微差别 in people’s social behavior. They need their reality validated in order to 在人们的社会行为。他们需要现实来进行验证 make sense of people. Listen, validate, and discuss what they notice from 有意义的人。听、验证和讨论他们的通知 unspoken communications such as facial expressions, emotional vibes, and 不言而喻的通信,如面部表情,情感共鸣, body language. It will enhance their ability to appraise people. 肢体语言。它会提高自己的学习能力评价的人。 Reflect aloud about your friends’ and family members’ reactions: “Aunt 反映出对你的朋友和家人的反应:“阿姨 Edna must be upset about something today. She is unusually snappy. ” And 埃德娜今天必须有点不安。她是非常时髦的。”, then say how you respond: “I usually enjoy visiting her, but I didn’t think I 那么你如何回应说:“我通常喜欢去拜访她,但我不认为我 should stay too long today. ” Give your innie permission to discuss his 今天应该呆太长时间。“给你innie讨论他的许可 experience: “Ashley is so lively, but it seems like it might be exhausting to 经验:“阿什利是如此活泼,但它似乎可能会耗尽 talk with her. It seems hard for her to listen, she talks kind of loudly, and she 和她说说话。似乎很难给她听,她大声的谈话,和她 interrupts every two minutes. Does it bother you? ” Respect your child’s 每两分钟中断。难道你不烦吗?“尊重你的孩子的 reaction if it’s different from yours. You don’t want to influence her 如果是与你的不同反应。你不想影响她 opinions, but you do want to help her learn to notice what she likes and 意见,但你想帮助她学习注意到她喜欢什么 doesn’t like about how kids act. 不喜欢孩子如何行动。 It can also be helpful to let innies know how other kids are reacting to their 它也可以帮助让innies知道如何应对他们的其他孩子 temperamental style: “Since you didn’t answer right away, I don’t think 气质风格:“既然你不回答,我不认为 Brad knew you were thinking about an answer to his question. How do you 布拉德知道你想回答他的问题。你怎么 think you could let him know you are still with him? ” Innies tend to dwell 认为你可以让他知道你还跟他吗?“Innies倾向于住 inside their own heads. Playing people-detective lifts them out of their 自己的脑子里。玩people-detective电梯出来的 minds and into a comfortable observation mode. 思想和到一个舒适的观察模式。 Bully Busting 欺负的地沟油 “He that respects himself is safe from others, he wears a coat of armor that ”他从别人尊重自己是安全的,他穿着一件大衣的盔甲 none can pierce. ” —Henry Wadsworth Longfellow 没有一个可以皮尔斯。”——亨利·沃兹沃思·朗费罗 Bullies are, without a doubt, the bane of the social world of childhood. Alas, 恶霸,毫无疑问,童年的社会世界的克星。唉, they’re everywhere, and not always where you would expect. They may be 他们无处不在,不是你所期待的地方。他们可能会 the stereotypical big, mean kids with short tempers and quick fists, or they 典型的大,意味着孩子脾气暴躁和快速的拳头,或者他们 may be quiet loners. They can be fat or thin, female or male, smart or 可能是安静的孤独者。可以是胖还是瘦,女性或男性,聪明 not-so-smart. Every one of us has been bullied at one time or another. In not-so-smart。我们每个人一直在欺负一个时间或另一个。在 third grade, I was small for my age, and a girl named Audrey—note that I 三年级时,我为我的年龄还很小的时候,我和一个女孩名叫Audrey-note remember her name—used to rush up behind me, grab me around the waist, 记得她的名称后面催促我,抓住我的腰, and lift me off the ground. In an attempt to humiliate me, she’d yell out to 提升我离地面。为了羞辱我,她喊出来 205 205年 the kids on the playground, “Look how strong I am! ” One time I kicked and 孩子们在操场上,“看我多强!“有一次我踢 screamed and flailed around until she put me down. She had expected me to 尖叫,直到她把我周围正在下来。她希望我 be a pushover, but I resisted more than she had anticipated. That detracted 是一个软弱的人,但我拒绝超过她的预期。,扰乱 from her show of strength. She never tried to make me into a human barbell 从她的力量。她从来没有试图让我变成了一个人类的杠铃 again. 一次。 Your child needs to feel safe at home and at school and en route between the 你的孩子需要感到安全在家和学校之间的途中 two. Introverted children can easily become targets for bullies, since they’re 两个。内向的孩子很容易成为欺负的目标,因为它们 more likely to be on their own rather than in a group. In the past, we told 更可能是他们自己的,而不是在一个组。在过去,我们告诉 children to ignore bullies or to just be nice to them. This is not a good way 儿童忽视恶霸或者只是对他们很好。这不是一个好方法 to handle bullies. It doesn’t work. Your introverted child will need help to 处理恶霸。它不工作。你的内向的孩子需要帮助 be bully-wise. Don’t sit back—take action if your child is being bullied. bully-wise。不要坐back-take行动如果你的孩子是被欺负。 As a parent, you can do several things to help. First, be a good role model. 作为父母,你可以做一些事情来帮助。首先,是一个很好的榜样。 Children who see violence and aggression at home can become a bully or 孩子们看到暴力和侵略性在家里可以成为欺负或 the victim of one. Never verbally abuse or use sarcasm with your child. 的受害者。从来没有口头虐待或使用讽刺你的孩子。 Second, explain to your child that she can’t solve bullying on her own—the 其次,向你的孩子解释,她处于不能解决欺凌 number-one deterrent is adult authority. If your child feels threatened by a 头号威慑是成人的权威。如果你的孩子感觉受到了威胁 bully, tell her to ask for help from teachers, coaches, aides, or other parents. 欺负,告诉她寻求帮助从教师、教练、助手,或者其他的父母。 Third, step in and tell bullies to stop, if you see one in action. 第三,介入并告诉恶霸停止,如果你看到一个在行动。 Signs That Your Child Is Being Bullied 迹象表明,你的孩子是被欺负 “One of my problems is that I internalize everything. I can’t express anger. I “我的一个问题是,我通晓事理。我不能表达愤怒。我 grow a tumor instead. ” —Woody Allen 肿瘤生长。“伍迪•艾伦 Many kids don’t tell their parents that they are being bullied. They view it as 许多孩子不告诉父母,他们被欺负。他们把它看成 embarrassing, even (and here’s that innie critic working overtime) shameful. 尴尬,甚至(这里是innie评论家加班)可耻的。 And they often blame themselves: “I think I said something wrong, I’m not 和他们经常责备自己:“我认为我说错了,我不是 sure what, and then Jimmy and his pals bugged me and took my lunch 确定,然后吉米和他的朋友困扰着我,把我的午餐 money. I guess I’d better keep my mouth shut. ” These are clues that your 钱。我想我最好闭上我的嘴。“这些都是你的线索 innie may be dealing with a bully: innie可能处理一个恶霸: • Being depressed or uncharacteristically irritable •被抑郁或异常烦躁 • Having problems in school •在学校有问题 • Missing belongings, or coming home with torn clothes •丢失的物品,或穿着破烂的衣服回家 • Not eating lunch (lunch money may have been stolen) •不吃午饭(午餐钱可能被偷了) • Having nightmares and wetting the bed •做噩梦,尿床 • Coming home with unexplained bruises •与不明原因的瘀伤回家 206 206年 • Having frequent illnesses •频繁的疾病 One great concept is an antibullying program called the McGruff Safe 一个重要的概念是一个名为程序称为McGruff安全 Houses. Individuals and stores sign up and let kids stop in if they are 房屋。个人和商店注册,如果他们让孩子停止 bothered traveling to and from home. If there isn’t a program like this in 烦恼在家和旅行。如果没有这样的计划 your area, consider starting one at your school. Staff and teacher training are 你所在的地区,可以考虑在你的学校开始。工作人员和教师培训 also important because many teachers don’t know the profile for bullying 也很重要,因为许多教师不知道欺负的概要文件 behavior. Schools need to send a message to students to show respect for 的行为。学校需要发送消息给学生尊重 everyone and support the children who are being bullied. Students need to 每个人都和支持被欺负的孩子。学生需要 be encouraged to speak up for kids who are bullied. Ideally schools would 被鼓励为孩子说话欺负。理想的学校 establish clear behavioral expectations and consequences for bullying. 明确对欺负行为的期望和后果。 Books on bully-busting are listed in the Selected Reading on page 283. 书bully-busting列出所选的阅读283页。 Bullies deplete self-esteem the way vampires suck blood. They feel better 恶霸耗尽自尊吸血鬼血液的方式。他们感觉更好 about themselves by making others feel bad about themselves. Their tactics 让别人感到愧疚。他们的策略 are varied. They may hit, punch, kick, tease, push, pull, pester, brag, taunt, 是多种多样的。他们可能打,打,踢,挑逗,推,拉,纠缠,自夸,嘲讽, harass, play mind games, frighten, heckle, insult, annoy, gossip, hurt, 骚扰,玩心理游戏,吓,诘问,侮辱、骚扰,八卦,伤害, threaten, torment, start insulting rumors, ridicule, trip, pinch, act violent, 威胁,折磨,开始侮辱谣言,嘲笑,旅行,必要时,暴力行动, and/or intimidate. Bullies have short fuses. They interpret others’ behavior 和/或恐吓。恶霸有短保险丝。他们解释别人的行为 as hostile and personal when it isn’t. 作为敌对和个人当它不是。 There is scientific evidence today that some children are hardwired to be 今天的科学证据,有一些孩子的特性 bullies. They have a high level of aggression and a low level of fear. If 恶霸。他们有一个高水平的侵略和低水平的恐惧。如果 children with this particular wiring are treated harshly, they may become 儿童这个特殊的线路被严厉,他们可能会 bullies. Contrary to popular opinion, bullies are not friendless—in fact, they 恶霸。与流行观点相反的是,欺负不是friendless-in事实,他们 are often popular leaders. Other kids find them exciting, fun, and full of 常受欢迎的领导人。其他孩子找到刺激,有趣,充满了 great ideas. They usually hold power over groups, often the “cool” group, 伟大的思想。他们通常持有权力团体,经常“酷”集团 which increases their influence and makes them even harder to deal with. 从而增加他们的影响力,使它们更难处理。 Nonetheless, there are strategies that your innie can use to avoid being 尽管如此,有策略,你innie可以使用它来避免 victimized. 受害。 Bully-proof Your Innie Bully-proof你Innie • Teach your child how to spot a bully. Telltale clues: Bullies try to •教孩子如何发现一个恶霸。明显的线索:恶霸尝试 intimidate by standing close, talk in a loud, in-your-face manner, tease, may 恐吓站近,说话大声,挑衅的态度,戏弄,阿美 be nice one day and mean the next. 很好一天,意味着下一个。 • Explain that you understand that some kids are bullies, and that she doesn’t •解释你明白一些孩子欺负,,她不喜欢 need to be friends with everyone. 和每个人都需要朋友。 • Explain that absolutely no bullying should be tolerated. Always tell an •解释说,绝对没有欺负应该被容忍。总是告诉一个 adult. 成年人。 • Be sure your child has one or two friends—bullies sniff out loners. •确保您的孩子有一个或两个friends-bullies嗅出孤独者。
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快樂 (流畅感。) 楼主 2016-04-21 18:15:49
恶霸 电影 游戏
• Explain to your child that bullies may feel jealous if you do well at •向你的孩子解释,恶霸会感到嫉妒,如果你做得很好 something. Your success means that a bully feels like a loser. 一些东西。你的成功意味着一个恶霸感觉就像一个失败者。 • Teach your child how good friends behave and that bullies are looking to •教孩子好朋友的行为,欺负正在寻找 be top dog, not friends. 是顶级的狗,而不是朋友。 Innies On-Screen Innies屏幕 Films can depict kids’ social struggles and successes in powerful, 电影可以描述孩子的社会斗争和成功的强大, comprehensible ways. Watching movies that show children a bit older can 易于理解的方式。看电影,展示孩子大一点 give your innie a sneak preview into what’s around the corner socially. I 给你的innie预演在拐角处的社会。我 recently watched the film Stand By Me, an authentic depiction of four 最近看了电影站在我身边,一个真实的描绘四个 preteen boys’ growing pains, with my eight-year-old grandson. The boys all 13岁以下的男孩的成长的烦恼,和我八岁的孙子。男孩们都 have difficult family lives. The main character is Gordie, an innie, who is an 有困难的家庭生活。主角是Gordie,是一种内凹 intelligent, bookish observer. He offers good solutions and practical 聪明,书生气的观察者。他提供了良好的解决方案和实用 suggestions to the group. Gordie and Chris, an outie who is kind of tough 建议。Gordie和克里斯,外突出了艰难 but a good leader, take turns leading the group through an adventure, 但是一个好的领导者,轮流领导小组通过一次冒险, settling disputes, and keeping the group together despite dangerous 解决争端,并保持在一起尽管危险 situations and despicable bullies. 情况和卑鄙的恶霸。 Another good film for older kids (it has some sad parts) is My Dog Skip. 大一点的孩子的另一个好电影(它有一些悲伤的部分)是我的狗跳过。 Willie Morris, a friendless innie with a dad who doesn’t understand him and 威利·莫里斯,一个无依无靠的innie爸爸不理解他 a mom who does, gets a dog for his birthday. Skip the dog shows Willie 一位妈妈,狗狗的生日礼物。狗跳过显示威利 how to make friends, even with some bullies. Another film, My Girl, is a 如何交朋友,甚至一些恶霸。另一个电影,我的女孩,是一个 touching story about a girl, Vada, and a boy, Thomas J. , who are innie pals. Vada,感人的故事关于一个女孩和一个男孩,托马斯J。innie伙伴。 Even without words they understand each other. Vada is an unusual girl who 即使没有话他们互相理解。Vada是一个不寻常的女孩 has had too many losses. She is open about her feelings, such as being in 有太多的损失。她对她的感情是开放的,如在 love with her writing teacher. She strives to work through her feelings in her 爱着她的写作老师。她通过她的感情在她努力工作 own unique way. Once again, there are sad parts. Digging to China is a great 自己的独特方式。再次,有悲伤的地方。中国是一个伟大的挖掘 film about an innie, Harriet, who is living a chaotic life with her alcoholic 电影内凹,哈丽特,与她的酒鬼一个混乱的生活 mother and teenage sister in a broken-down motel. Harriet is precocious and 妈妈和十几岁的妹妹在一辆破旧的汽车旅馆。哈里特早熟, brimming with creativity but lacks playmates. She befriends a sweet, 充满创造力但缺少玩伴。她与一个甜, mentally retarded boy, Ricky, and the adults misconstrue their relationship. 智障男孩,瑞奇,大人误会他们的关系。 Once you start looking, you will see that many central film characters are 一旦你开始看,你会发现许多中央电影角色 innies. As is the case with children’s literature, the narratives are usually innies。与儿童文学一样,叙述通常 written by introverted writers. Common innie challenges and resolutions 内向的作家写的。常见innie挑战和决议 may be depicted in films, so they can provide good role models for innies. 可能是电影中描述,所以他们可以为innies提供良好的榜样。 Films also bring innies into the inner worlds of other children and adults. 电影也带来innies其他儿童和成人的内心世界。 Those who are visual learners are particularly able to take in new ideas from 那些视觉学习者尤其能够接受新思想 movies. 电影。 It’s good to discuss films with your child, perhaps a few days later. This is 很高兴和你的孩子讨论电影,也许几天后。这是 especially true of films, like those above, that address painful topics like 像上面一样,尤其是电影地址痛苦的话题 relationship problems, loss, differentness, and cruelty. My grandson has 关系问题,损失,其实和残忍。我的孙子 208 208年 already had his share of teasing and bullying. We have had interesting chats 已经有了他的戏弄和欺负。我们有有趣的聊天 about bullies, why some kids are leaders, how kids relate in groups, and 欺负,为什么有些孩子领导人,孩子与组织, what makes a good friend. After seeing Stand By Me he said, “They are 是什么让一个好朋友。在看到站在我,他说,“他们 friends because they stick up for each other. If they have a fight, they make 朋友,因为他们彼此支持。如果他们打架,他们 up.” 了。” • Teach your child to let the bully’s cruel words, looks, or gestures roll off •教育你的孩子让欺负的残忍的话,看起来,或手势 her back and not undermine her self-esteem. Remind her that bullying 她的后背和不破坏她的自尊。提醒她,欺负 behavior is immature, and suggest she picture bullies as big babies wearing 行为是不成熟的,并建议她欺负宝宝穿一样大 diapers. Innies don’t have to have their feelings hurt. Tell her: Bullies want 尿布。Innies不需要他们的感情受到伤害。告诉她:恶棍想要的 you to feel bad, so don’t give them the satisfaction. She can practice her 你感觉不好,所以不要给他们的满意度。她可以练习 internal voice: “You can’t hurt my feelings. I won’t feel little just so you can 内部的声音:“你不能伤害了我的感情。我不会觉得小就可以 feel big. ” Kids appear stronger when their internal voice is an ally. 感觉大了。“孩子出现更强时其内部的声音是一个盟友。 • Tell your child to avoid groups of bullies. •告诉孩子避免群恶霸。 • Teach her to walk to a police station, post office, library, or other place •教她走到警察局,邮局,图书馆,或其他地方 where there are safe adults if a bully is bothering her. 那里是安全的成年人如果欺负打扰她。 • Have your child take a karate or other type of self-defense class to gain the •让你的孩子参加空手道或其他类型的自卫类来获得 confidence they instill. Innies who stand tall, look self-assured, look 他们灌输信心。Innies站高,看起来自信,看 aggressive kids in the eye, and walk with confidence are less of a target for 咄咄逼人的孩子的眼睛,满怀信心地走更少的目标 bullies. 恶霸。 • Practice dealing with bullies at home with role playing. Teach your child •处理恶霸与角色扮演练习。教育你的孩子 to look a bully in the eye and say firmly, “Stop that! ” or “Don’t do that. I’ll 看欺负弱小者的眼睛,坚定地说,“停止!”或“不这样做。我将 report you if you don’t leave me alone. ” Tell her not to be afraid to yell. 报告如果你不要离开我独自一人。“告诉她不要害怕大喊。 Remember, when in doubt, shout. 记住,有疑问时,大声说话。 Electronic Bullying 电子欺凌 Internet bullying is on the rise and afflicts a surprising number of kids, 网络欺凌在上升和折磨一个惊人数量的孩子, particularly teens. I worked with a young girl, Tiffany, a sixth grader at a 特别是青少年。我曾与一个年轻的女孩,蒂芙尼,六分之一在一年级 private school, who was being bullied over the Internet. When she and her 私立学校,在互联网上被欺负。当她和她的 friend Nic had a fight, he vented his resentment toward Tiffany by creating a 朋友Nic吵架了,他对蒂凡尼通过创建一个发泄他的不满 Web site about her, complete with pictures and rumors about her wild 网站对她的,对她的野生配有图片和谣言 behavior, among other cruel statements. He sent e-mails about the Web site 行为等残酷的语句。他对这个网站发送电子邮件 to everyone he knew at school. Tiffany felt ashamed, because she thought 他知道每个人在学校。蒂芙尼感到羞愧,因为她想 the fight with Nic was her fault. She finally told her mother when kids at 网卡的战斗是她的错。她终于告诉她母亲当孩子 school started avoiding her because they believed what the Web site said. 学校开始避免她因为他们相信网站所说的。 Her mom talked to Nic’s parents, and they wouldn’t do anything about the 她妈妈跟Nic的父母,他们不会做任何事情的 Web site. Tiffany became so distraught that her mom brought her to see me. 网站。蒂芙尼变得如此心烦意乱的,她的妈妈带她来看我。 Unfortunately, online harassment is becoming more common, but you can 不幸的是,在线骚扰越来越普遍,但是你可以 do something about it. Take it seriously and report it to your Internet service 做点什么。认真对待它并报告你的互联网服务 209 209年 provider and to your local police; the police are being trained in how to 提供者和当地警方,警方正在训练如何 respond to it. 应对它。 • Tell your school principal if your child is being bullied. Many schools •告诉你学校校长如果你的孩子是被欺负。许多学校 have instituted antibully programs. 已经设立了antibully项目。 • Tell your child that it’s good to bring bullying out into the open. It lessens •告诉你的孩子带来很好欺负的开放。它减少 a bully’s power. 欺负弱小者的力量。 • Tell your child that it’s okay to be scared and upset but to try not to cry in •告诉孩子这是好害怕和不安,但尽量不要哭 front of the bully (that’s what he wants). Better to stay calm and walk away. 欺负的前面(这是他想要的东西)。更好的保持冷静,走开。 • Give the kids on your child’s route a healthy treat when they are walking •在你孩子的路线上给孩子们一个健康治疗时散步 home or they get off the bus, and chat with them in a friendly way. Bullies 家里或者他们下车,以友好的方式与他们聊天。恶霸 are less likely to torment a child whose parent has been nice to them. 不太可能折磨一个孩子的父母对他们很好。 The Silver Lining 银衬里 “A blunder at the right moment is better than cleverness at the wrong time.” ”一个错误在正确的时刻是在错误的时间比聪明。” —Carolyn Wells 卡洛琳井 Differences and conflicts are unavoidable. However, every clashing of 分歧和冲突是不可避免的。然而,每一个冲突 minds presents an opportunity to learn something new. Learning to find 思想提供了一个机会去学习新的东西。学会找到 ways to manage conflict without avoiding it helps innies develop into more 没有方法来管理冲突避免它帮助innies发展成更多 capable and confident adults. It is extremely rewarding to teach innies the 有能力和自信的成年人。教innies也是非常丰厚的 life skills to handle rough patches—especially when you see them realize 生活技能来处理粗糙patches-especially当你看到他们实现 they can come up with creative solutions to complex social problems. Innies 他们能想出创造性的解决复杂的社会问题。Innies will learn that some conflicts are worth the outlay of energy—the roses are 将学习一些冲突的支出——玫瑰是有价值呢 worth the thorns. 值得的刺。
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快樂 (流畅感。) 楼主 2016-04-21 18:19:09
竟然还有结论！
后面４５页是字眼儿、推荐书目什么的附录了 这本书就完了。
CONCLUSION 结论 Reflections as We Disembark 反思我们下车 210 210年 “The world may be a different place because I was important in the life of a “世界上可能是一个不同的地方,因为我的生活是非常重要的 child. ” —Forest E. Witcraft 的孩子。“森林大肠Witcraft Each child’s temperament presents gifts that are difficult or easy for parents 每个孩子的气质给父母礼物困难或容易 to nurture. An extroverted child’s gifts can be closer to the surface—with a 培养。一个外向的孩子可接近表面的礼物 bit of sunlight, water, and a smidgen of fertilizer they bloom. The biggest 阳光,水,一点点的肥料开花。最大的 challenge for parenting an outie is the need for accurate and consistent 挑战父母外突出了需要准确和一致的 pruning. Introverted children, on the other hand, are just the opposite. Their 修剪。内向的孩子,另一方面,却恰恰相反。他们的 gifts may be harder to see. Parents need to learn how to bring them into the 礼物可能难以看到。父母需要学习如何把他们带进了 light. Innies need “just right” nurturing to mature and flourish. And it’s best 光。Innies需要“恰到好处”培育成熟和繁荣。它最好的 to go easy on the pruning. 去简单的修剪。 You may have been surprised to learn through the course of this book that 你可能惊讶的这本书 there is far more to temperament than meets the eye. Parenting an 还有更多这样的气质比。养育一个 introverted child may pose particular challenges, since parents must first 性格内向的孩子可能带来了特殊的挑战,因为父母必须先 face the biases they may have absorbed from growing up in an extroverted 面对偏见他们可能吸收从成长在一个外向 culture. It is not easy to parent a child who doesn’t fit the mold. Innies in 文化。是不容易的父母的孩子不适合模具。Innies在 particular require time, understanding, and patience. The preceding chapters 特别需要时间、理解和耐心。前面的章节 have given you the tools you need to help your introverted child in all areas 给你你所需要的工具来帮助你内向的孩子在所有地区吗 of his life. Most important, I have offered strategies for building on your 他的生活。最重要的是,我提供了构建在你的策略 innie’s strengths and developing his self-esteem. Temperament is lifelong; it innie的优势和发展他的自尊心。气质是终身的;它 is not an attribute one can change or outgrow. Therefore, helping your innie 不是一个属性可以改变或超过。因此,帮助你innie to accept his own temperament and learn to negotiate the social and 接受自己的气质和协商的社会和学习 energetic demands of the outside world will help his future look bright. 外部世界的能量需求将有助于他未来的明朗。 Your Innie Needs YOU 你的Innie需要你 “To the world you may be just one person but to one person you are the “对于世界而言,你可能只是一个人但是对于某个人,你是 world. ” —Mac Anderson and Lance Wubbels 世界。“mac安德森和兰斯Wubbels In today’s hectic and impersonal world you may feel insignificant at times. 在今天的忙碌和客观世界有时你可能觉得无关紧要。 If you are lucky and have an introverted child, remember that, to her at least, 如果你很幸运,有一个性格内向的孩子,记住,她至少 you are the world. While true of all children, it’s doubly so with 你是整个世界。虽然适用于所有的孩子,更是如此 innies—because although they may not show it, they rely heavily on innies-because虽然没有表现出来,他们严重依赖 emotional relationships in their family. They need you. Introverted kids 情感关系在他们的家庭。他们需要你。内向的孩子 must have meaningful relationships in order to develop their gifts. A good 一定有意义的人际关系,以发展他们的礼物。一个好的 relationship with you is the key to uncovering their hidden strengths. 和你的关系是揭示其隐藏的优势的关键。 Never forget: You are very important to your innie. 永远不要忘记:你innie非常重要。 211 211年 What Does Your Innie Really Require from You? 你Innie真的需要从你吗? It’s easier to parent with confidence if you are clear about what your innie 父母很容易有信心如果你清楚innie needs. Knowing where to focus and direct your parenting efforts saves 的需求。知道专注和直接节省你的育儿努力 energy and increases your sense of satisfaction. It also provides a solid base 能源和增加你的满足感。它还提供了一个坚实的基础 from which to make daily decisions. Your love and support are what your 从日常决策。你的爱和支持你 child needs in the most global sense. Here we take a closer look at ten ways 孩子最需要的全球意识。这里我们仔细看看十种方法 to ensure that your innie thrives. 确保你innie繁荣。 Parent Trap 父母的陷阱 Whether you are an innie or an outie, it takes a lot of energy to parent. Let 无论你是内凹或外突出了,父母需要大量的能量。让 me remind you to keep your own energy reserves full. It isn’t selfish to take 我提醒你保持自己的能源储备。这不是自私的 time out for yourself. In fact, without recharging his or her battery pack once 给自己时间。事实上,没有他或她的电池组充电一次 in a while, no parent can function well. 在一段时间,没有父母可以函数。 Plan to take care of yourself in the following ways: 计划在以下方式:照顾好自己 • Keep your body healthy. •保持你的身体健康。 • Learn some form of physical and mental relaxation. •学习某种形式的身心放松。 • Make sure you’re not depriving yourself of adult company. •确保你没有剥夺自己的成人公司。 • Clear your mind. Try ten minutes of resting in a dark room, meditating, •头脑清醒。十分钟的休息在一个黑暗的房间,沉思, reading a good novel or other book you enjoy, soaking in a warm bath, or 读一本好的小说或其他你喜欢的书,泡个热水澡,或者 listening to soothing music. 听一些舒缓的音乐。 • Stay organized. I know this is not always easy, but clutter saps energy. •保持组织。我知道这并不容易,但杂乱削弱了能量。 • Keep the romantic fires burning in your life. •保持浪漫的火灾燃烧在你的生活中。
- Time
1。时间 To a child, love is spelled T-I-M-E. Time with your innie is the raw material 对一个孩子来说,爱是付出时间。时间和你innie原材料 that builds a strong bond between you. Time can’t be catch-as-catch-can. 你们之间建立一个强大的债券。时间不能无计划的。 You have to consciously plan to make time to be together. Carving out time 你必须有意识地计划的时间在一起。雕刻出时间 with your innie maintains the link your introverted child needs. Of course, 与你innie维护你内向的孩子需要的联系。当然, there are thousands of demands that pull you in numerous directions. Like 有成千上万的要求把你在众多的方向。就像 most parents, you no doubt wish the days were longer. But if you lose 大多数父母,你毫无疑问希望的日子了。但如果你失去了 precious moments with your innie, they can never be recovered. Make time 珍贵时刻innie,它们永远不能恢复。腾出时间 with your innie a priority, both for his sake and so that you don’t miss innie优先,都是为了他,所以,你不要错过 knowing a remarkable child. 知道一个了不起的孩子。 2. Trust 2。信任 212 212年 It can be frightening to think that you influence your child merely by being 它可以令人恐惧的认为你影响你的孩子只是被 yourself. But you do. You are your child’s primary role model. If you aren’t 你自己。但是你做的事情。你是孩子的主要作用模型。如果你不 honest, don’t expect that your child will be. If you break the promises you 诚实的,不要指望你的孩子。如果你打破了你的承诺 make to your child, expect that she will learn to do the same. I have worked 让你的孩子,希望她会学会做同样的事情。我有工作 with so many parents who have no compunction about being deceitful but 有这么多的父母没有内疚是诡诈的 complain vigorously when their children lie—without making any 当他们的孩子说谎不做任何抱怨大力 connection between the two. Introverted children count on what you say 这两个之间的联系。内向的孩子指望你说什么 more than outies do. They not only detect lies, but they remember promises, 多形状。他们不仅发现谎言,但他们记得承诺, so it’s vitally important to be honest with them. Lying erodes relationships 说实话这是极其重要的。说谎会侵蚀关系 and makes trust impossible. 并使信任是不可能的。 3. Stability 3所示。稳定 Innies need constancy. Daily life requires less energy when your innie Innies需要恒常性。日常生活中当你innie需要更少的能量 enjoys a predictable and stable environment. His world will be as safe and 喜欢一个可预测和稳定的环境。他的世界将是安全的, as stable as you make it. If you are unpredictable, his life becomes chaotic. 像你一样稳定。如果你是不可预测的,他的生活变得混乱。 If he has to worry about your mood or your whereabouts, he won’t have the 如果他担心你的情绪或者你的下落,他不会的 energy or attention to devote to his main job—growing up. Providing 能源或注意力投入到他的主要job-growing。提供 stability enables him to build a solid foundation. 稳定使他建立一个坚实的基础。 4. Confidence in Her Potential 4所示。她潜在的信心 Become a student of your introverted child’s world. Learn to watch, listen, 成为你的学生性格内向的孩子的世界。学会观察,倾听, and take notice. Can you tell when she feels upset or depleted? Do you 和注意。你能告诉她感到沮丧或耗尽时吗?你 know if she is giving a report next week? Or what she does and doesn’t like? 知道她下周给一份报告吗?或者,不喜欢她呢? Help your innie discover her interests and talents. Innies have lots of 帮助你innie发现她的兴趣和天赋。Innies有很多 potential—help your child tap into hers through your intimate knowledge of 潜在帮助孩子进入她通过你亲密的知识 her. 她的 5. A Slow Pace 5。缓慢的速度 For your innie’s sake, if not your own, slow down. Innies can’t think or talk 为你innie的缘故,如果不是你自己的,慢下来。Innies想不或交谈 unless they feel they can enter a pressure-free zone. They need a slow, ,除非他们觉得他们可以输入一个区。他们需要一个缓慢的, patient pace as much as possible. Living in a rushed and tense atmosphere 病人尽可能多的步伐。生活在一个匆忙和紧张的气氛 sucks the oxygen right out of them. Don’t let your life be ruled by stress. 吸收氧气的。别让你的生命是由压力。 When you slow down, you will notice that your innie will bring more of his 当你慢下来,你会发现你的innie会带来更多 world to you. 世界给你。 6. Perseverance 6。毅力 Innies are hardwired to be persistent. You can model this valuable trait for Innies的特性是持久的。你能把这宝贵的特征模型 your child by demonstrating stick-to-it-iveness. “Boy, I was so frustrated 你的孩子通过展示stick-to-it-iveness。“孩子,我很沮丧 with my boss. I felt like throwing in the towel. Two days later we both 与我的老板。我觉得认输了。两天后我们俩 cooled off and we talked. She saw my point of view. I’m glad I thought of 冷却,我们聊天。她看到我的观点。我想,我很高兴 another way to approach her. ” Point out and praise your child’s resolve: “I 另一种方法。”指出,赞美你的孩子的决心:“我 213 213年 liked the way you asked three times for a turn on the swing. And he finally 喜欢你要求三倍的方式打开。他最后 gave you a turn.” 给你一把。” 7. Courage in the Face of Adversity 7所示。勇敢面对逆境 Help your innie realize that hardship is part of life. And help her face the 帮助你innie意识到困难是生活的一部分。和帮助她的脸 music when she makes poor choices. Keep a balance. Don’t shield her from 音乐当她可怜的选择。保持一个平衡。不保护她 the consequences of her actions, but don’t let her be crushed or treated 她的行为的后果,但不要让她被压碎或治疗 harshly. Discuss the roadblocks you’ve faced, and how you managed to hop 严厉的。讨论你面对的障碍,以及如何成功地跳 over, dig under, or take a detour around them. Innies make good use of “me, 结束,挖下,或者采取绕道。Innies充分利用“我, too” stories, if they are told with a “we’re in this together” attitude. If you “故事,如果他们被告知“我们在一起”的态度。如果你 rebound well from your problems, your innie will, too. 从你的问题反弹,你innie会。 8. Acceptance of Mistakes 8。接受错误 I’m sure you have noticed that no one is perfect. Your example of admitting 我相信你已经注意到,没有人是完美的。你承认的例子 mistakes and apologizing for them is a tremendous legacy to give any child. 错误和道歉对他们来说是一个巨大的遗产给任何一个孩子。 But innies in particular take things to heart and often blame themselves for 但innies特别是把事情放在心上,经常责怪自己 whatever goes wrong. Thus it is vitally important to reassure your child 任何错误的。因此,让你的孩子至关重要 when he is not to blame. Acknowledging your errors, failures, and 当他没有错。承认你的错误,失败,和 disappointments teaches your innie that everyone makes mistakes. That’s 失望告诉你innie,每个人都会犯错。这是 how we learn. 我们如何学习。 9. Encouragement 9。鼓励 An innie needs to feel that you are in her corner—not just when things are 内凹需要感觉到你是在她corner-not只是当事情 going well, but all the time. Know what goal she prizes and help her achieve 顺利,但所有的时间。知道目标奖,帮助她实现 it. Show concern for her struggles, and support her achievements. Help her 它。关心她的斗争,支持她的成就。帮助她 recognize options and make priorities. Satisfaction in life must be earned. So 识别选项和优先级。生活满意度必须获得。所以 help her find what it is that sparks her mind and encourage relationships that 帮她找到什么火花主意和鼓励的关系 aid her growth. Keep your eye on the goal of raising her to be a mature 帮助她成长。保持你的眼睛是一个成熟的目标 adult. 成年人。 10. Delight 10。高兴的是 It always saddens me to see parents who don’t enjoy their children. Of 我总是悲伤看到父母不喜欢孩子。的 course at times we all tire of everyone in our lives. But it seems to me that 当然有时我们都厌倦了每个人都在我们的生活中。但在我看来, nothing in life compares to the joy of holding your child’s hand, watching 生命中没有什么比快乐牵着孩子的手,看着 him sleep, or looking into his eyes and seeing a unique person separate from 他睡觉,或者看着他的眼睛,看到一个独特的人分开 you. All kids are marvelous creatures. Since innies are so attuned to their 你。所有的孩子是奇妙的生物。因为innies适应他们 perceptions they can come up with startling insights, humorous perspectives, 感知他们可以想出惊人的见解,幽默的角度, and creative solutions. Innies love it if you let your hair down. Play with 和创造性的解决方案。Innies喜欢它如果你让你的头发。玩 them and let them show you the wonders that all too often pass you by. 他们,让他们给你奇迹,时常与你擦肩而过。 Even if you are tired, don’t shrug your innie aside when he asks you to listen, 即使你累了,不要耸肩innie一边当他问你听, 214 214年 look, or share. Real life is lived moment to moment, so don’t let those vital 看,或分享。现实生活是生活时刻,所以不要让那些至关重要的 minutes slip away. 分钟溜走。 I’d Like to Hear from You 我想接到你的电话 “Make the most of your child’s uniqueness. ” —LaVonne Neff “让你的孩子的独特性。“-LaVonne内夫 I hope that you understand your innie, and maybe yourself and other family 我希望你明白你innie,也许自己和其他家庭 members, a little better after reading this book. I would like to hear from 成员,更好地读完这本书。我想听到的 you. You can contact me on my Web site 你。你可以联系我在我的网站上 MartiLaney@theintrovertadvantage.com or by mail at P. O. Box 6565, 在6565信箱MartiLaney@theintrovertadvantage.com或者通过邮件, Portland, Oregon 97228-6565. I welcome hearing about your experiences 俄勒冈州的波特兰97228 - 6565。听到你的经历我欢迎 with your innie. Treasure your innie. He or she is a gift. innie。珍惜你的innie。他或她是一个礼物。
