Butterflies in my stomach
OK, This is my first diary here, trying to escape the tiny visibility.
Mom just said i'm not a decisive girl; even she could tell my hesitation only by browsing my diaries somewhere else. CHOICE PHOBIA DISORER--i don't know if it's legally spelled but i know it spelled my personality to some extent. It is said a perfectionist will always have to tackle this disorder. i was wondering if disorders may have something in common. Because, to my amusement, there will be more likely that the mentally disordered may suffered a lot from the former disorder.
Aqurius' minds is filled with...with...minds? For me, reasoning would be arduous. That's why i have been a loser in the game all the time.
well, back to my stomach. i said i made the exact choice that i had dreamed before. The word "stupid" flattered me. We're childish enough not to be ready for the unexpected love( actually, i'm still not sure if it's love).
Butterflies were flapping their wings as well as my worryings.
Games can insert courage into heart in swing without considerations of afterwards (maybe aftermath). Lying on the bed, pretending to be asleep already by mom's side, searching every word i exchange with him, i made up my mind. Actually,i just want this full-of-positive-energy guy to be happy, nothing more. LOVE would always be my luxury, although the most desiring one.
After a seemingly peaceful sleep, i sent the message to his intimate friend also being my friend. Briefly description of what i'll do next didn't pacify me, on the contrary, i did feel the butterfly for the first time of my life. I talked with L later in the morning, he seems confident that we'll be the lover, i deny it without hesitation just like i deny in a cold sweat later i don't like him the night before. Ironically, the hesitation is always lingering on my mind.
Actually i wanna express my feelings by voice not by clicking the mouse or tapping the keyboard. yep, it's doomed to be failed.
Later in the afternoon, i just talked with him in a way i don't like. I just wanted to express the feeling, asking for nothing in return.
________________________________________________________________________________
I don't know where to start now 'coz my stomache is swirled by the butterflies again.
Self-relief would lie in sports, communications, books, music and etc. The sad truth is that it can't convince, needless to say relieve, me.
Self-drowning is nothing but a dose of placebo.
Self-protection, gibberish! can't you see the reality?
Nobody knows C has been labeled since two months ago. I can't make a choice like Katharine who suffer a lot in selecting her love. 1st, I'm not that noble, the fact is so filthy that seals my mouth, takes away my courage and blurs my criteria. 2nd,C is much better than Katharine's husband. 3rd, it's coward me to take the initiative, not him. He didn't do anything wrong.
Mom just said i'm not a decisive girl; even she could tell my hesitation only by browsing my diaries somewhere else. CHOICE PHOBIA DISORER--i don't know if it's legally spelled but i know it spelled my personality to some extent. It is said a perfectionist will always have to tackle this disorder. i was wondering if disorders may have something in common. Because, to my amusement, there will be more likely that the mentally disordered may suffered a lot from the former disorder.
Aqurius' minds is filled with...with...minds? For me, reasoning would be arduous. That's why i have been a loser in the game all the time.
well, back to my stomach. i said i made the exact choice that i had dreamed before. The word "stupid" flattered me. We're childish enough not to be ready for the unexpected love( actually, i'm still not sure if it's love).
Butterflies were flapping their wings as well as my worryings.
Games can insert courage into heart in swing without considerations of afterwards (maybe aftermath). Lying on the bed, pretending to be asleep already by mom's side, searching every word i exchange with him, i made up my mind. Actually,i just want this full-of-positive-energy guy to be happy, nothing more. LOVE would always be my luxury, although the most desiring one.
After a seemingly peaceful sleep, i sent the message to his intimate friend also being my friend. Briefly description of what i'll do next didn't pacify me, on the contrary, i did feel the butterfly for the first time of my life. I talked with L later in the morning, he seems confident that we'll be the lover, i deny it without hesitation just like i deny in a cold sweat later i don't like him the night before. Ironically, the hesitation is always lingering on my mind.
Actually i wanna express my feelings by voice not by clicking the mouse or tapping the keyboard. yep, it's doomed to be failed.
Later in the afternoon, i just talked with him in a way i don't like. I just wanted to express the feeling, asking for nothing in return.
________________________________________________________________________________
I don't know where to start now 'coz my stomache is swirled by the butterflies again.
Self-relief would lie in sports, communications, books, music and etc. The sad truth is that it can't convince, needless to say relieve, me.
Self-drowning is nothing but a dose of placebo.
Self-protection, gibberish! can't you see the reality?
Nobody knows C has been labeled since two months ago. I can't make a choice like Katharine who suffer a lot in selecting her love. 1st, I'm not that noble, the fact is so filthy that seals my mouth, takes away my courage and blurs my criteria. 2nd,C is much better than Katharine's husband. 3rd, it's coward me to take the initiative, not him. He didn't do anything wrong.
还没人赞这篇日记
