《守望灯塔》（LIghthousekeeping） 詹妮特·温特森 书摘
8）We are lucky, even the worst of us, because daylight comes.
我们是幸运的，即便是我们之中最倒霉的，因为黎明总是会来。
18）Above the kitchen was the light itself, a great glass eye with a Cyclops stare.
厨房上面就是航标灯了，一个巨大的玻璃眼睛，有着独眼巨人的目光。
18）The darkness had to be brushed away or parted before we could sit down. Darkness squatted on the chairs and hung like a curtain across the stairway. Sometimes it took on the shapes of the things we wanted: a pan, a bed, a book. Sometimes I saw my mother, dark and silent, falling towards me.
我们坐下来之前，都得把黑暗赶一赶或是拨拉开。黑暗蹲在椅子土，像帘子那样挂下来覆盖在楼梯上。有时候，它会变成我们想要的东西的形状；一只平底锅，一张床，一木书。有时候我看见我的母亲，幽暗无声，朝我飘落下来。
19）Darkness was a presence. I learned to see in it, I learned to see through it, and I learned to see the darkness of my own.
黑暗就在你身边。我学着在黑暗中看，学着透过黑暗看，学着看我自己的黑暗。
19）There were two Atlantics; one outside the lighthouse, and one inside me.
The one inside me had no string of guiding lights.
有两个大西洋，一个在灯塔外面，一个在我心里。
我心里的大西洋没有航标灯的一缕光亮。
24）'Why can't you just tell me the story without starting with another story?'
'Because there's no story that's the start of itself, any more than a child comes into the world without parents.'
“你给我讲故事干吗非得拿另一个故事讲起呢?”
“因为天底下没有哪个故事可以从自己讲起，就像没有哪个孩子可以没有父母就降生到这世上。”
33）The lighthouse is a known point in the darkness.
灯塔是茫茫黑暗中的一个已知点。
35）Pew was serious and silent, his eyes like a faraway ship.
普尤肃然沉默，他的眼睛像条远方的船。
47）Till death us do part.
永远相守，至死不渝。
54）I came to live with him, he had let himself in, and drunk alone from a barrel of rum behind the bar so thick with dust that if you stood a glass on the top of it, the glass sank like a ghost ship in the fog.
我过来跟他住在一起之前，他常常一个人溜到这里来，独自一人喝吧台后面那个捅里的朗姆酒。吧台上的灰积得厚极了，要是你在上面放一只酒杯，那酒杯就会像一条鬼船在一团雾中沉下去。
83）And then I would try to sleep and dream of myself, but the message in the bottle was hard to read.
'Blank,' said Miss Pinch, when I told her about it. But it wasn't blank. Words were there all right. I could see one of them. It said LOVE.
'That's lucky,' said Pew. 'Lucky to find it. Lucky to search for it.'
'Have you ever loved anybody, Pew?'
'Pew has, yes, child,' said Pew.
'Tell me the story.'
'All in good time. Now go to sleep.'
And I did, the message in the bottle floating just above my head. LOVE, it said. Love, love, love, or was it a bird I heard in the night?
然后，我就要睡觉，并且做个梦梦见自己.可留言瓶
里的信不好认。
“上面是空白，”品契小姐听我讲了之后告诉我。
可上面不是空白，上面真的有字，我能认出其中一个，那字就是爱。
“那可是运气，”普尤说。“发现爱是运气。去寻找爱也是运气。”
“你有没有爱过什么人，普尤?”
“普尤爱过，是的，孩子。”普尤说。
“讲给我听听。”
“到时候会讲的。现在去睡觉吧。”
我去睡了，瓶子里的信就在我的头上漂浮。爱，信上说。爱，爱，爱，莫非那是我夜里听到的一只鸟?
94）Miss Pinch came visiting, and asked me what I intended to do with my Future. She spoke about it as though it were an incurable disease.
品契小姐来看我，问我对自己的未来有什么打算。她说起我的未来就像是在说一种不治之症。
96）'I offended her by being born.'
'Well, and that can't be held as your fault. It's no child’s fault to be born.'
'Is it a misfortune?'
'Don't regret your life, child. It will pass soon enough.'
“你得罪了她，”普尤说。
“我生下来就得罪了她。”
“是啊，可那不能看成是你的过错。没有哪个孩子生下来是他自己的过错。”
“生下来是一种不幸吗?”
“别后悔你有了这生命，孩子。它很快就会过去。”
97）Take the life away and only the shell is left.
若是生命被拿走，剩下的就是个空壳了。
118）There it is; the light across the water. Your story. Mine. His. It has to be seen to be believed. And it has to be heard. In the endless babble of narrative, in spite of the daily noise, the story waits to be heard.
它就在那儿，那照过海面的光。你的故事。他的。它得让人看到才会被相信。它得让人听到。我的。在喋喋不休、含混不清的叙述中，尽管有平常的噪声，这故事仍在等着被聆听。
131）Before he wrote On the Origin of Species, Darwin spent five years as a naturalist, aboard HMS Beagle. In nature, he found not past, present and future as we recognise them, but an evolutionary process of change - energy never trapped for too long - life always becoming.
写《物种起源》之前，达尔文作为研究自然的学者在皇家海军“猎犬”号上呆了五年。在自然中，他发现的不是我们所认识的过去、现在和未来，而是一个不断变化的进化过程—能量从来不可能被封闭得太久—生命总是在更新。
136）Such a beautiful island - blue, cream, pink, orange. But I was colour-blind that day. I wanted that bird.
这是个非常美丽的岛——蓝色，乳白色，粉红色，橙黄色。可那天我成了色盲。我想要那只鸟。
144）As for myself, I am splintered by great waves. I am coloured glass from a church window long since shattered. I find pieces of myself everywhere, and I cut myself handling them.
就我自己来说，我被巨浪击成了碎片。我是教堂窗子上早就破碎了的彩色玻璃。我看见到处是我自己的碎片，我在拾掇这些碎片的时候割伤了我自己。
145）Darwin said something to me once for which I was grateful. I had been trying to forget, trying to stop my mind reaching for a place where it can never home. He knew my agitation, though he did not know its cause, and he took me up to AmParbh - the Turning Point, and with his hand on my shoulder, he said, 'Nothing can be forgotten. Nothing can be lost. The universe itself is one vast memory system. Look back and you will find the beginnings of the world.'
达尔文曾经对我说过一些让我很感激的话。我一直试图在忘却，试图不让我的心思飘逸到一个它回不了家的地方。达尔文知道我焦虑不安，虽然他不知道是什么引起的，于是他带我去了安姆帕尔泊—那个转折点，在那里他搭着我的肩膀说:“没有什么会被忘掉，也没有什么会失去。宇宙自身是一个广大无边的记忆系统。如果你回头看，你就会发现这世界在不断地开始。”
155）I never wanted to wake. I had no use for the day. The light was a lie. Only here, the sun killed, and time's hands bound, were we free. Imprisoned in each other, we were free.
我绝不想醒来。白天对我毫无用处。光明是个假象。只有在这里，太阳已被处死，时间的双手已被捆绑，我们才是自由的。囚禁于彼此的身体之中，我们自由了。
157）The world is nothing. Love formed it.
The world vanishes without trace.
What is left is love.
这世界没什么。是爱造就了它。
这世界消失得不留痕迹。
只有爱还在。
158）'I woke up in one world and I went to bed in another.'
“我早上醒来的时候在一个世界，晚上睡觉的时候在另一个世界。”
165）Love is an unarmed intruder.
爱是一个不带武器的闯人者。
168）He said it like a mantra. I wonder how many times a day he had to say it to make it true? It was a poultice over his heart.
I don't know how to poultice my heart.
他就是那样说的，说得跟念曼特罗似的。我不知道这话他一天得说多少次才能应验？这是敷在他心上的一帖膏药。
可我不知道怎么在自己的心上敷贴膏药。
171）I unlatched the shutters. The light was as intense as a love affair. I was blinded, delighted, not just because it was warm and wonderful, but because nature measures nothing. Nobody needs this much sunlight. Nobody needs droughts, volcanoes, monsoons, tornadoes either, but we get them, because our world is as extravagant as a world can be. We are the ones obsessed by measurement. The world just pours it out.
我打开了百叶窗。阳光强烈得如同一场爱情。我被眩花了眼，心情愉悦，不只是因为这天气温暖明丽，而是因为自然从来不算计什么。没有人需要这么多阳光，也没有人需要干旱、火山、季风、龙卷风，但我们得到了它们，因为我们的世界极为丰富。是我们在整天念念不忘地算计，而这世界就这样倾其所有，慷慨给予。
171）'Why are you afraid?' I asked myself, because fear is at the bottom of everything, even love usually rests on fear. 'Why are you afraid, when whatever you do you will die anyway?'
“你为什么害怕？”我问我自己，因为恐惧在所有事情的下面，就连爱也常常歇于恐俱之上。“你为什么害怕，既然你做的任何事情总会烟消云散?”
172）I am part civet, part mouser.
What should I do about the wild and the tame? The wild heart that wants to be free, and the tame heart that wants to come home. I want to be held. I don't want you to come too close. I want you to scoop me up and bring me home at nights. I don't want to tell you where I am. I want to keep a place among the rocks where no one can find me. I want to be with you.
我一半是麝猫，一半是家猫。
对于这一半野性一半驯化的我该怎么办?野性的心想要无拘无束的自由，驯化的心想要回家。我想被抱住。我不想让你靠得太近。我要你把我抱起来，晚上带我回家。我不想告诉你我在哪里。我想在石头堆里找个谁也发现不了我的地方。我想和你在一起。
174）'I'm sorry,' I said. T didn't mean to intrude.’ You smiled, stood up, and came out into the sunshine. Perhaps it was the light on your face, but I thought I recognised you from somewhere along way down, somewhere at the bottom of the sea. Somewhere in me. Sometimes the light is strong enough to reach to the bottom of the sea.
你微笑着站了起来，走到了有阳光的地方。也许是因为照在你脸上的阳光，但我觉得我见过你，在很远的一个什么地方，在海底的某个地方，在我心里的某个地方。
184）That first night, in the unsteady single bed, I lay awake while you slept. I was listening to the unfamiliar noises, and thinking about the miracle of the most unfamiliar of them all - you breathing next to me.
那第一个夜晚，在不太稳的单人床上，我醒着躺在那儿，而你睡着了。我听着各种陌生的声音，想着这些声音中最陌生的声音简直是一个奇迹—你就在我身边呼吸。
193）He breathed in, wanting the cold night air, but it was salt water he breathed. His body was filled with salt water. He was drowned already. He no longer came up for air. He floated underneath the world and heard its voices strange and far-off. He rarely understood what people said. He was aware of vague shapes passing across him. Nothing more.
他吸了一口气，想吸进这夜晚的冷空气，但他吸进的却是海水。他的身体里充满了海水。他已经被淹没。他不再冒出来喘气。他在世界的底下漂着，听到它的声音陌生而遥远。他很少能听懂人们的话。他意识到一些模糊的形状从他旁边经过。此外便再也没有什么了。
199）We are lucky, even the worst of us, because daylight comes.
我们是幸运的，即便是我们之中最倒霉的，因为黎明总是会来。
200）I stayed at the lighthouse until the day was done. As I left, the sun was setting, and the full moon was rising on the other side of the sky. I stretched out my hands, holding the falling sun in one hand, and the climbing moon in the other, my silver and gold, my gift from life. My gift of life.
My life is a hesitation in time. An opening in a cave. A gap for a word.
我在灯塔里一直呆到白天将尽。我离开的时候，太阳正在落下，一轮满月正在天空的另一边升起。我伸出双手，一手托着下沉的太阳，一手托着升起的月亮，我的白银，我的黄金，我的来自生活的馈赠，我的生活的禀赋。
我的生命是时间中的一个停顿。一个洞穴中的口子。一个需要一个词填补的空自。
我们是幸运的，即便是我们之中最倒霉的，因为黎明总是会来。
18）Above the kitchen was the light itself, a great glass eye with a Cyclops stare.
厨房上面就是航标灯了，一个巨大的玻璃眼睛，有着独眼巨人的目光。
18）The darkness had to be brushed away or parted before we could sit down. Darkness squatted on the chairs and hung like a curtain across the stairway. Sometimes it took on the shapes of the things we wanted: a pan, a bed, a book. Sometimes I saw my mother, dark and silent, falling towards me.
我们坐下来之前，都得把黑暗赶一赶或是拨拉开。黑暗蹲在椅子土，像帘子那样挂下来覆盖在楼梯上。有时候，它会变成我们想要的东西的形状；一只平底锅，一张床，一木书。有时候我看见我的母亲，幽暗无声，朝我飘落下来。
19）Darkness was a presence. I learned to see in it, I learned to see through it, and I learned to see the darkness of my own.
黑暗就在你身边。我学着在黑暗中看，学着透过黑暗看，学着看我自己的黑暗。
19）There were two Atlantics; one outside the lighthouse, and one inside me.
The one inside me had no string of guiding lights.
有两个大西洋，一个在灯塔外面，一个在我心里。
我心里的大西洋没有航标灯的一缕光亮。
24）'Why can't you just tell me the story without starting with another story?'
'Because there's no story that's the start of itself, any more than a child comes into the world without parents.'
“你给我讲故事干吗非得拿另一个故事讲起呢?”
“因为天底下没有哪个故事可以从自己讲起，就像没有哪个孩子可以没有父母就降生到这世上。”
33）The lighthouse is a known point in the darkness.
灯塔是茫茫黑暗中的一个已知点。
35）Pew was serious and silent, his eyes like a faraway ship.
普尤肃然沉默，他的眼睛像条远方的船。
47）Till death us do part.
永远相守，至死不渝。
54）I came to live with him, he had let himself in, and drunk alone from a barrel of rum behind the bar so thick with dust that if you stood a glass on the top of it, the glass sank like a ghost ship in the fog.
我过来跟他住在一起之前，他常常一个人溜到这里来，独自一人喝吧台后面那个捅里的朗姆酒。吧台上的灰积得厚极了，要是你在上面放一只酒杯，那酒杯就会像一条鬼船在一团雾中沉下去。
83）And then I would try to sleep and dream of myself, but the message in the bottle was hard to read.
'Blank,' said Miss Pinch, when I told her about it. But it wasn't blank. Words were there all right. I could see one of them. It said LOVE.
'That's lucky,' said Pew. 'Lucky to find it. Lucky to search for it.'
'Have you ever loved anybody, Pew?'
'Pew has, yes, child,' said Pew.
'Tell me the story.'
'All in good time. Now go to sleep.'
And I did, the message in the bottle floating just above my head. LOVE, it said. Love, love, love, or was it a bird I heard in the night?
然后，我就要睡觉，并且做个梦梦见自己.可留言瓶
里的信不好认。
“上面是空白，”品契小姐听我讲了之后告诉我。
可上面不是空白，上面真的有字，我能认出其中一个，那字就是爱。
“那可是运气，”普尤说。“发现爱是运气。去寻找爱也是运气。”
“你有没有爱过什么人，普尤?”
“普尤爱过，是的，孩子。”普尤说。
“讲给我听听。”
“到时候会讲的。现在去睡觉吧。”
我去睡了，瓶子里的信就在我的头上漂浮。爱，信上说。爱，爱，爱，莫非那是我夜里听到的一只鸟?
94）Miss Pinch came visiting, and asked me what I intended to do with my Future. She spoke about it as though it were an incurable disease.
品契小姐来看我，问我对自己的未来有什么打算。她说起我的未来就像是在说一种不治之症。
96）'I offended her by being born.'
'Well, and that can't be held as your fault. It's no child’s fault to be born.'
'Is it a misfortune?'
'Don't regret your life, child. It will pass soon enough.'
“你得罪了她，”普尤说。
“我生下来就得罪了她。”
“是啊，可那不能看成是你的过错。没有哪个孩子生下来是他自己的过错。”
“生下来是一种不幸吗?”
“别后悔你有了这生命，孩子。它很快就会过去。”
97）Take the life away and only the shell is left.
若是生命被拿走，剩下的就是个空壳了。
118）There it is; the light across the water. Your story. Mine. His. It has to be seen to be believed. And it has to be heard. In the endless babble of narrative, in spite of the daily noise, the story waits to be heard.
它就在那儿，那照过海面的光。你的故事。他的。它得让人看到才会被相信。它得让人听到。我的。在喋喋不休、含混不清的叙述中，尽管有平常的噪声，这故事仍在等着被聆听。
131）Before he wrote On the Origin of Species, Darwin spent five years as a naturalist, aboard HMS Beagle. In nature, he found not past, present and future as we recognise them, but an evolutionary process of change - energy never trapped for too long - life always becoming.
写《物种起源》之前，达尔文作为研究自然的学者在皇家海军“猎犬”号上呆了五年。在自然中，他发现的不是我们所认识的过去、现在和未来，而是一个不断变化的进化过程—能量从来不可能被封闭得太久—生命总是在更新。
136）Such a beautiful island - blue, cream, pink, orange. But I was colour-blind that day. I wanted that bird.
这是个非常美丽的岛——蓝色，乳白色，粉红色，橙黄色。可那天我成了色盲。我想要那只鸟。
144）As for myself, I am splintered by great waves. I am coloured glass from a church window long since shattered. I find pieces of myself everywhere, and I cut myself handling them.
就我自己来说，我被巨浪击成了碎片。我是教堂窗子上早就破碎了的彩色玻璃。我看见到处是我自己的碎片，我在拾掇这些碎片的时候割伤了我自己。
145）Darwin said something to me once for which I was grateful. I had been trying to forget, trying to stop my mind reaching for a place where it can never home. He knew my agitation, though he did not know its cause, and he took me up to AmParbh - the Turning Point, and with his hand on my shoulder, he said, 'Nothing can be forgotten. Nothing can be lost. The universe itself is one vast memory system. Look back and you will find the beginnings of the world.'
达尔文曾经对我说过一些让我很感激的话。我一直试图在忘却，试图不让我的心思飘逸到一个它回不了家的地方。达尔文知道我焦虑不安，虽然他不知道是什么引起的，于是他带我去了安姆帕尔泊—那个转折点，在那里他搭着我的肩膀说:“没有什么会被忘掉，也没有什么会失去。宇宙自身是一个广大无边的记忆系统。如果你回头看，你就会发现这世界在不断地开始。”
155）I never wanted to wake. I had no use for the day. The light was a lie. Only here, the sun killed, and time's hands bound, were we free. Imprisoned in each other, we were free.
我绝不想醒来。白天对我毫无用处。光明是个假象。只有在这里，太阳已被处死，时间的双手已被捆绑，我们才是自由的。囚禁于彼此的身体之中，我们自由了。
157）The world is nothing. Love formed it.
The world vanishes without trace.
What is left is love.
这世界没什么。是爱造就了它。
这世界消失得不留痕迹。
只有爱还在。
158）'I woke up in one world and I went to bed in another.'
“我早上醒来的时候在一个世界，晚上睡觉的时候在另一个世界。”
165）Love is an unarmed intruder.
爱是一个不带武器的闯人者。
168）He said it like a mantra. I wonder how many times a day he had to say it to make it true? It was a poultice over his heart.
I don't know how to poultice my heart.
他就是那样说的，说得跟念曼特罗似的。我不知道这话他一天得说多少次才能应验？这是敷在他心上的一帖膏药。
可我不知道怎么在自己的心上敷贴膏药。
171）I unlatched the shutters. The light was as intense as a love affair. I was blinded, delighted, not just because it was warm and wonderful, but because nature measures nothing. Nobody needs this much sunlight. Nobody needs droughts, volcanoes, monsoons, tornadoes either, but we get them, because our world is as extravagant as a world can be. We are the ones obsessed by measurement. The world just pours it out.
我打开了百叶窗。阳光强烈得如同一场爱情。我被眩花了眼，心情愉悦，不只是因为这天气温暖明丽，而是因为自然从来不算计什么。没有人需要这么多阳光，也没有人需要干旱、火山、季风、龙卷风，但我们得到了它们，因为我们的世界极为丰富。是我们在整天念念不忘地算计，而这世界就这样倾其所有，慷慨给予。
171）'Why are you afraid?' I asked myself, because fear is at the bottom of everything, even love usually rests on fear. 'Why are you afraid, when whatever you do you will die anyway?'
“你为什么害怕？”我问我自己，因为恐惧在所有事情的下面，就连爱也常常歇于恐俱之上。“你为什么害怕，既然你做的任何事情总会烟消云散?”
172）I am part civet, part mouser.
What should I do about the wild and the tame? The wild heart that wants to be free, and the tame heart that wants to come home. I want to be held. I don't want you to come too close. I want you to scoop me up and bring me home at nights. I don't want to tell you where I am. I want to keep a place among the rocks where no one can find me. I want to be with you.
我一半是麝猫，一半是家猫。
对于这一半野性一半驯化的我该怎么办?野性的心想要无拘无束的自由，驯化的心想要回家。我想被抱住。我不想让你靠得太近。我要你把我抱起来，晚上带我回家。我不想告诉你我在哪里。我想在石头堆里找个谁也发现不了我的地方。我想和你在一起。
174）'I'm sorry,' I said. T didn't mean to intrude.’ You smiled, stood up, and came out into the sunshine. Perhaps it was the light on your face, but I thought I recognised you from somewhere along way down, somewhere at the bottom of the sea. Somewhere in me. Sometimes the light is strong enough to reach to the bottom of the sea.
你微笑着站了起来，走到了有阳光的地方。也许是因为照在你脸上的阳光，但我觉得我见过你，在很远的一个什么地方，在海底的某个地方，在我心里的某个地方。
184）That first night, in the unsteady single bed, I lay awake while you slept. I was listening to the unfamiliar noises, and thinking about the miracle of the most unfamiliar of them all - you breathing next to me.
那第一个夜晚，在不太稳的单人床上，我醒着躺在那儿，而你睡着了。我听着各种陌生的声音，想着这些声音中最陌生的声音简直是一个奇迹—你就在我身边呼吸。
193）He breathed in, wanting the cold night air, but it was salt water he breathed. His body was filled with salt water. He was drowned already. He no longer came up for air. He floated underneath the world and heard its voices strange and far-off. He rarely understood what people said. He was aware of vague shapes passing across him. Nothing more.
他吸了一口气，想吸进这夜晚的冷空气，但他吸进的却是海水。他的身体里充满了海水。他已经被淹没。他不再冒出来喘气。他在世界的底下漂着，听到它的声音陌生而遥远。他很少能听懂人们的话。他意识到一些模糊的形状从他旁边经过。此外便再也没有什么了。
199）We are lucky, even the worst of us, because daylight comes.
我们是幸运的，即便是我们之中最倒霉的，因为黎明总是会来。
200）I stayed at the lighthouse until the day was done. As I left, the sun was setting, and the full moon was rising on the other side of the sky. I stretched out my hands, holding the falling sun in one hand, and the climbing moon in the other, my silver and gold, my gift from life. My gift of life.
My life is a hesitation in time. An opening in a cave. A gap for a word.
我在灯塔里一直呆到白天将尽。我离开的时候，太阳正在落下，一轮满月正在天空的另一边升起。我伸出双手，一手托着下沉的太阳，一手托着升起的月亮，我的白银，我的黄金，我的来自生活的馈赠，我的生活的禀赋。
我的生命是时间中的一个停顿。一个洞穴中的口子。一个需要一个词填补的空自。
