True Love
True Love
真爱的定义
In a fully loving relationship, mutuality and trust are the themes. Each partner is secure in his and her own sense of worth and believes the other has a right to grow and expand. Each encourages and provides room for that growth.
This means that while you and your partner share many things, you may very well have separate interests and other friends of both sexes. Neither of you is threatened by the investment and maintenance of meaningful friendship, realizing that each friendship enriches your love relationship. It also means both of you have the ability to enjoy your own solitary company, that being alone is not about rejecting the lover but a recognition that each is a whole person, not two halves of a whole, with your own unique needs and patterns of living.
Secure in each other’s love, you are able to respect each other’s boundaries. Each is trusting and trustworthy. You both work at preserving the other’s sense of integrity. Most of all, there is a willingness to risk yourself in the relationship, to be real, to be honest. In short, the hallmark of a loving relationship is the ability to be true to oneself while honoring and respecting the other’s unique being.
If this describes your relationship, congratulations! Nurture and celebrate your love! If, on the other hand, most of the above — or even some of it — doesn’t ring true（听起来真实可靠）, consider that you may be locked into an addictive relationship.
Tip: 何谓真正的爱情？所谓真爱，就是两情相悦与互相信任。在这段感情里，两个人都对自己的价值有安全感，并相信对方成长与发展的权利与可能。你们在与对方分享许多事情的同时，还给对方足够的空间。换句话说，你们对于彼此的爱有安全感，也能尊重彼此的私人空间和底线。如果以上内容说的就是你们的关系，那么恭喜你！但是如果以上大部分或一些跟你们的关系不沾边，那么你就要认真考虑一下这段感情了——因为，你们很可能陷入一段对爱成瘾的漩涡了！
Love Addiction
对爱上瘾
In an addictive love relationship, insecurity and dependency are the themes. One or both of the partners is characterized by total, all-encompassing involvement with the love interest, a sense that no one else and nothing else is important or meaningful in life. The addicted lover gauges the intensity of need for the partner as a proof of love.
In fact, this may be borne more out of fear or loneliness than out of love. Everything else is put on hold in service to the needs and wants of the lover. Old friends are neglected and previous interests abandoned. Because one partner’s desires are suspended for the other, a sense of self-deprivation develops as a sign of love.
Preoccupation with the lover’s thoughts, behaviors, feelings leads to dependency on his or her approval. One’s own sense of identity and self-worth are reflected in the lover’s reactions. Expressing honest emotions and real thoughts are too risky.
Consequently, reassurance（安心）is critical and this may take the form of repeated, even ritualized（程式化的）activities. For example, statements like “If you don’t call me from work at 9 a.m. and 3 p.m. every day you don’t really love me” are not uncommon.
Along with this dependency comes an intolerance towards being away from the lover. Trust is low. Possessiveness（占有）, jealousy, and protectiveness are high. The addicted lover is unable to endure separations even when there is conflict in the relationship or when the relationship is hurtful.
In this unhealthy love addiction, with each separation the addict hangs on tighter, feeling ever more desperate. A separation or contemplated separation may even produce physical symptoms such as restlessness（坐立不安）, lethargy（嗜睡）, or loss of appetite.
Tip:在一段对爱成瘾的关系中，不安全感和依赖性是主旋律。爱情成了你们生活的全部，你们以占有对方来证明爱情的存在。事实上，也许这不是爱情，而是出于恐惧或孤独。你做任何事都是为了满足恋人的需求，这样持续发展的结果就是——丧失自我成为了爱情的标志。伴随依赖性而来的，是不能忍受和恋人分开。占有欲、嫉妒心、保护意识都很强。这是一种不健康的对爱上瘾，一旦与恋人分开，甚至还会产生诸如坐立不安、嗜睡或食欲不振等生理症状。
The Suggestive Solutions
解决方法
If this sounds like your situation, what can you do?
First, recognize the addiction for what it is. Like any other addiction, this is an essential step.
Second, realize that love enhances, not diminishes each partner. You deserve to give and get nothing less than mutual respect and trust.
Third, begin to work on yourself for yourself, not for anyone else. The old adage（格言） “You must love yourself before you can love someone else” has a lot of wisdom to it. It may be that you have some self-esteem issues that have nothing to do with your lover. Begin getting to know the authentic you, appreciating your good qualities and accepting your not-so-good qualities as facets of a worthwhile human.
Fourth, take action. You can do this through reestablishing friendships with people who support and care about you or by finding new friends with whom you share common interests. You are already complete by yourself. Nurture your gifts and talents.
Fifth, if love addiction seems to be a habitual pattern, seek counseling. Group or individual sessions can help you get in touch with who you really are and help you to believe in your own self-worth.
Treat yourself to a day out doing something you love, buy yourself that coveted（梦寐以求的）gift, try a one-of-a-kind activity that makes your heart soar! You have the right and the obligation to love yourself first!
Tip: 如果你有以上症状，请看以下解决方法：一、认清自己对爱上瘾的事实。二、认识到爱情是提升，而不是削弱对方。三、为你自己而努力，而不是别人。俗话说得好：“在爱别人之前先学会爱自己”。四、付诸行动。重新建立你与老朋友的友情，或结交一些新朋友。五、如果症状比较严重，可以寻求专业的心理咨询。
最后，在这个情人节好好犒劳一些自己。买下自己心仪已久的礼物，安排一次可以让自己酣畅淋漓的活动。有什么理由不对自己好一点呢？
真爱的定义
In a fully loving relationship, mutuality and trust are the themes. Each partner is secure in his and her own sense of worth and believes the other has a right to grow and expand. Each encourages and provides room for that growth.
This means that while you and your partner share many things, you may very well have separate interests and other friends of both sexes. Neither of you is threatened by the investment and maintenance of meaningful friendship, realizing that each friendship enriches your love relationship. It also means both of you have the ability to enjoy your own solitary company, that being alone is not about rejecting the lover but a recognition that each is a whole person, not two halves of a whole, with your own unique needs and patterns of living.
Secure in each other’s love, you are able to respect each other’s boundaries. Each is trusting and trustworthy. You both work at preserving the other’s sense of integrity. Most of all, there is a willingness to risk yourself in the relationship, to be real, to be honest. In short, the hallmark of a loving relationship is the ability to be true to oneself while honoring and respecting the other’s unique being.
If this describes your relationship, congratulations! Nurture and celebrate your love! If, on the other hand, most of the above — or even some of it — doesn’t ring true（听起来真实可靠）, consider that you may be locked into an addictive relationship.
Tip: 何谓真正的爱情？所谓真爱，就是两情相悦与互相信任。在这段感情里，两个人都对自己的价值有安全感，并相信对方成长与发展的权利与可能。你们在与对方分享许多事情的同时，还给对方足够的空间。换句话说，你们对于彼此的爱有安全感，也能尊重彼此的私人空间和底线。如果以上内容说的就是你们的关系，那么恭喜你！但是如果以上大部分或一些跟你们的关系不沾边，那么你就要认真考虑一下这段感情了——因为，你们很可能陷入一段对爱成瘾的漩涡了！
Love Addiction
对爱上瘾
In an addictive love relationship, insecurity and dependency are the themes. One or both of the partners is characterized by total, all-encompassing involvement with the love interest, a sense that no one else and nothing else is important or meaningful in life. The addicted lover gauges the intensity of need for the partner as a proof of love.
In fact, this may be borne more out of fear or loneliness than out of love. Everything else is put on hold in service to the needs and wants of the lover. Old friends are neglected and previous interests abandoned. Because one partner’s desires are suspended for the other, a sense of self-deprivation develops as a sign of love.
Preoccupation with the lover’s thoughts, behaviors, feelings leads to dependency on his or her approval. One’s own sense of identity and self-worth are reflected in the lover’s reactions. Expressing honest emotions and real thoughts are too risky.
Consequently, reassurance（安心）is critical and this may take the form of repeated, even ritualized（程式化的）activities. For example, statements like “If you don’t call me from work at 9 a.m. and 3 p.m. every day you don’t really love me” are not uncommon.
Along with this dependency comes an intolerance towards being away from the lover. Trust is low. Possessiveness（占有）, jealousy, and protectiveness are high. The addicted lover is unable to endure separations even when there is conflict in the relationship or when the relationship is hurtful.
In this unhealthy love addiction, with each separation the addict hangs on tighter, feeling ever more desperate. A separation or contemplated separation may even produce physical symptoms such as restlessness（坐立不安）, lethargy（嗜睡）, or loss of appetite.
Tip:在一段对爱成瘾的关系中，不安全感和依赖性是主旋律。爱情成了你们生活的全部，你们以占有对方来证明爱情的存在。事实上，也许这不是爱情，而是出于恐惧或孤独。你做任何事都是为了满足恋人的需求，这样持续发展的结果就是——丧失自我成为了爱情的标志。伴随依赖性而来的，是不能忍受和恋人分开。占有欲、嫉妒心、保护意识都很强。这是一种不健康的对爱上瘾，一旦与恋人分开，甚至还会产生诸如坐立不安、嗜睡或食欲不振等生理症状。
The Suggestive Solutions
解决方法
If this sounds like your situation, what can you do?
First, recognize the addiction for what it is. Like any other addiction, this is an essential step.
Second, realize that love enhances, not diminishes each partner. You deserve to give and get nothing less than mutual respect and trust.
Third, begin to work on yourself for yourself, not for anyone else. The old adage（格言） “You must love yourself before you can love someone else” has a lot of wisdom to it. It may be that you have some self-esteem issues that have nothing to do with your lover. Begin getting to know the authentic you, appreciating your good qualities and accepting your not-so-good qualities as facets of a worthwhile human.
Fourth, take action. You can do this through reestablishing friendships with people who support and care about you or by finding new friends with whom you share common interests. You are already complete by yourself. Nurture your gifts and talents.
Fifth, if love addiction seems to be a habitual pattern, seek counseling. Group or individual sessions can help you get in touch with who you really are and help you to believe in your own self-worth.
Treat yourself to a day out doing something you love, buy yourself that coveted（梦寐以求的）gift, try a one-of-a-kind activity that makes your heart soar! You have the right and the obligation to love yourself first!
Tip: 如果你有以上症状，请看以下解决方法：一、认清自己对爱上瘾的事实。二、认识到爱情是提升，而不是削弱对方。三、为你自己而努力，而不是别人。俗话说得好：“在爱别人之前先学会爱自己”。四、付诸行动。重新建立你与老朋友的友情，或结交一些新朋友。五、如果症状比较严重，可以寻求专业的心理咨询。
最后，在这个情人节好好犒劳一些自己。买下自己心仪已久的礼物，安排一次可以让自己酣畅淋漓的活动。有什么理由不对自己好一点呢？
