Where is home?

                
                
When I encountered the beautiful piece of sharing from Pico Lyer on "where is home" at TEDLive just 5 minutes ago, I felt like being touched by the hands of god, with all sorts of memory flashback aroused, squeezing into the crowed mind of me and reminding me of an unbacked girl, who left her hometown 7 years from now, longing for an extraordinary life with pride and dignity, and yet still lost herself in the unbearable brightness of the big city, in fact, the biggest intricacy of the world.
The doubt "where is home" lies in the deepest part of my heart, craving for an answer over years, yet, if not with Pico Lyer's words, I may never realize its existence at all. He said in the speech :"Home is not the place where you happen to be born, Home is the place where you feel yourself." Except for the man who I love and be with for over 6 years, I can not name neither a single place nor a single person who I feel totally stressless or comfortable with, not to mention a total release or explosion from inside my soul, a reveal of the authentic real me.
What really holds me back? the fear from nation's bloody shameful history that blocked my mouth? the disagreeable apprentice experience that covered my eyes? or, just because of the little coward who lives inside me, with no courage to speak or to see.
Incapable of facing the real darling, I always crawl back to the non-existing shelter, where last bites of sweet remains, nevertheless , every time when pains tell how expression can smile and freedom can fly, a missing part of me still find its way back to recover with exuberant bright.
"where is home!" the yearning keeps knocking on the soul.