20岁光阴不再来
ted演讲
本期网址链接：http://v.163.com/movie/2013/3/U/A/M937IFCGB_M937IJLUA.html
With the funny stories that Alex would bring to session, it was easy for me just to nod my head while we kicked the can down the road. “thirty is new twenty”, as Alex would say, and as far as I could tell, she was right. Work happened later ,marriage happened later , kids happened later , even death happened later. Twenty somethings like Alex and I had nothing but time.
But before long , my supervisor pushed me about Alex’s love life, but I pushed back. I said, “sure she is dating down, she is sleeping with a knucklehead, but it’s not like she’s going to marry the guy.” And my supervisor said, not yet, but she might marry the next one. And besides , the best time work on Alex’s marriage is before she has one.” That’s what psychologists call an “Aha!” moment.
That’s the moment I realized ,30 is not the new 20. Yes ,people settle down later than they used to , but that didn’t make Alex’s 20s a developmental downtime. That made Alex’s 20s a developmental sweet spot. And we were sitting here blowing it. That was when I realized that this sort of benign neglect was a real problem, and it had real consequences. Not for Alex’s love life , but for career, families, futures of twentysomethings everywhere.
20s is so important. Claiming 20s is one of the simplest, yet most transformative you can do for work for love, for your happiness, maybe even for the world. These are the facts.
First , I told Ama forget about having identity crisis, and get some identity capital. by get some identity capital I mean, to do something that adds value to who you are. Do something that’s investment in who you might want to be next. But I do know identity capital begets identity capital. I am discounting exploration that was not count, which, by the way , is not exporation but procrastination. I told Emma to explore work and make it count.
Second, I told Emma that the urban tribe is overrated. Best friends are great fot giving rides to the airport, but twenty somethings huddled together with like-minded peers limit who they know, what they know, how they speak, think and where they work. That new piece of capital that new person to date always comes from side of the inner circle. New things come from what are called our week ties. Our friends of friends of friends. Half of new jobs are never posted, so reaching out to your neighbor boss is how you get that un-posted job, that’s not cheating, it’s the science of how information spreads.
The last but not the least, Emma believed that you cannot pick your family but you can pick your friends. This was true for her growing up, but as a twenty something, soon Emma would pick her family, when she partnered with someone, and created a family of her own. I told Emma to start picking your family is now. you may think the better time to settle down is 30, than 20 or 25, and I agree with you. The best time to work on your marriage is before you have one. That means being as intentional with love as you are with work. Picking a family is about who and what you want, rather than making it work and killing time with whoever happens to be choosing you.
Don’t defined by what you didn’t know or didn’t do. You are deciding your life right now.
本期网址链接：http://v.163.com/movie/2013/3/U/A/M937IFCGB_M937IJLUA.html
With the funny stories that Alex would bring to session, it was easy for me just to nod my head while we kicked the can down the road. “thirty is new twenty”, as Alex would say, and as far as I could tell, she was right. Work happened later ,marriage happened later , kids happened later , even death happened later. Twenty somethings like Alex and I had nothing but time.
But before long , my supervisor pushed me about Alex’s love life, but I pushed back. I said, “sure she is dating down, she is sleeping with a knucklehead, but it’s not like she’s going to marry the guy.” And my supervisor said, not yet, but she might marry the next one. And besides , the best time work on Alex’s marriage is before she has one.” That’s what psychologists call an “Aha!” moment.
That’s the moment I realized ,30 is not the new 20. Yes ,people settle down later than they used to , but that didn’t make Alex’s 20s a developmental downtime. That made Alex’s 20s a developmental sweet spot. And we were sitting here blowing it. That was when I realized that this sort of benign neglect was a real problem, and it had real consequences. Not for Alex’s love life , but for career, families, futures of twentysomethings everywhere.
20s is so important. Claiming 20s is one of the simplest, yet most transformative you can do for work for love, for your happiness, maybe even for the world. These are the facts.
First , I told Ama forget about having identity crisis, and get some identity capital. by get some identity capital I mean, to do something that adds value to who you are. Do something that’s investment in who you might want to be next. But I do know identity capital begets identity capital. I am discounting exploration that was not count, which, by the way , is not exporation but procrastination. I told Emma to explore work and make it count.
Second, I told Emma that the urban tribe is overrated. Best friends are great fot giving rides to the airport, but twenty somethings huddled together with like-minded peers limit who they know, what they know, how they speak, think and where they work. That new piece of capital that new person to date always comes from side of the inner circle. New things come from what are called our week ties. Our friends of friends of friends. Half of new jobs are never posted, so reaching out to your neighbor boss is how you get that un-posted job, that’s not cheating, it’s the science of how information spreads.
The last but not the least, Emma believed that you cannot pick your family but you can pick your friends. This was true for her growing up, but as a twenty something, soon Emma would pick her family, when she partnered with someone, and created a family of her own. I told Emma to start picking your family is now. you may think the better time to settle down is 30, than 20 or 25, and I agree with you. The best time to work on your marriage is before you have one. That means being as intentional with love as you are with work. Picking a family is about who and what you want, rather than making it work and killing time with whoever happens to be choosing you.
Don’t defined by what you didn’t know or didn’t do. You are deciding your life right now.
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