很帅的同志诗人马克-多蒂的一首悼亡诗

2006年的翻译。很涩。
拥抱
马克-多蒂
 
 
你不是很好也还病得不很重
只是有点疲倦。你的俊美
带有一丝忧伤或是期待，让你的脸
有种凝思般，深沉的优雅
我从没有疑惑过你已经死去。
我当然知道那是事实。但是在梦中。
你会出外——可能去工作？——
度过美好的一天，精力充沛。
我们好象要从住过的老房子
搬走，到处是盒子，东西
乱七八糟：那是我的梦讲述的故事。
可即使在熟睡中我还是为你的脸
所讲述的一切震惊。你的脸就在我面前，
寸隙相隔。刮得干净，多情，警觉
为什么，记住你真实的容颜
那样困难？没有照片，或什么特征？
因此当我看到你毫不戒备，坦然的脸
那独一无二的凝视展开了所有你的
温暖 清明——像杯温暖的红茶——
在梦允诺的时间内我们拥抱彼此
保佑你。你回来了。我又能再次
看到你，清清楚楚。我可以依偎着你
不去想这欢乐损失了什么
不去想你又重生
The Embrace
Mark Doty
 
 
You weren't well or really ill yet either;
just a little tired, your handsomeness
tinged by grief or anticipation, which brought
to your face a thoughtful, deepening grace.
 
I didn't for a moment doubt you were dead.
I knew that to be true still, even in the dream.
You'd been out--at work maybe?--
having a good day, almost energetic.
 
We seemed to be moving from some old house
where we'd lived, boxes everywhere, things
in disarray: that was the story of my dream,
but even asleep I was shocked out of the narrative
 
by your face, the physical fact of your face:
inches from mine, smooth-shaven, loving, alert.
Why so difficult, remembering the actual look
of you? Without a photograph, without strain?
 
So when I saw your unguarded, reliable face,
your unmistakable gaze opening all the warmth
and clarity of you--warm brown tea--we held
each other for the time the dream allowed.
 
Bless you. You came back, so I could see you
once more, plainly, so I could rest against you
without thinking this happiness lessened anything,
without thinking you were alive again.