insight about relationship
it seems that I have an answer now.
it is not because of she doesn't like me, but the upset and angry stems from inner urgency to help me being more concordant, and to fully use my strength, fullfill my potential, not just wasting it all the time.
however, I am unsatisfied with myself too. Being resisted to accpet many of my flaws that are actually existing in my personality. Those conflicts are expressed out by my weird attitudes, inconsistent emotions, and unpredictable behaviors. Because of the conflicts extists, it costs me large amout of energy to cope with it. While coping myself again exaggerate her resentment towards me even more. So that's a negative loop and keep being reinforced, and it is why this proplem lasts really long time.
In order to break this loop, I should not ask for acceptance or recognition from her anymore. but instead be honest to myself, and face the reality, admit 'the flaws you feel about me are real, and i want to accept it as part of myself, maybe next time i'll be more concious about that, thanks for providing me a mirror'.
it is not because of she doesn't like me, but the upset and angry stems from inner urgency to help me being more concordant, and to fully use my strength, fullfill my potential, not just wasting it all the time.
however, I am unsatisfied with myself too. Being resisted to accpet many of my flaws that are actually existing in my personality. Those conflicts are expressed out by my weird attitudes, inconsistent emotions, and unpredictable behaviors. Because of the conflicts extists, it costs me large amout of energy to cope with it. While coping myself again exaggerate her resentment towards me even more. So that's a negative loop and keep being reinforced, and it is why this proplem lasts really long time.
In order to break this loop, I should not ask for acceptance or recognition from her anymore. but instead be honest to myself, and face the reality, admit 'the flaws you feel about me are real, and i want to accept it as part of myself, maybe next time i'll be more concious about that, thanks for providing me a mirror'.
