【The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People】读书笔记3 - Habit 2: Begin with the end in mind
2. Habit 2: Begin with the end in mind
1) What it means to begin with the end in mind
• It means to start with a clear understanding of your destination. It means to know where you are going so that you better understand where you are now and so that the steps you take are always in the right direction. It’s incredibly easy to get caught up in an activity trap, in the busy-ness of life, to work harder and harder at climbing the latter of success only to discover it’s leaning against the wrong wall. It is possible to be busy without being very effective.
2) All things are created twice
• There’s a mental or first creation, and a physical or second creation to all things. To the extent to which we understand the principle of two creations and accept the responsibility for both, we act within and enlarge the borders of our circle of influence.
3) By design or default
• In our personal lives, if we do not develop our own self-awareness and become responsible for first creations, we empower other people and circumstances outside our circle of influence to shape much of our lives by default. Scripts coming from people, not principles, rise out of our deep vulnerabilities, our deep dependency on others and our needs for acceptance and love, for belonging, for a sense of importance and worth, for a feeling that we matter.
• Whether we are aware of it or not, whether we are in control of it or not, there is a first creation to every part of our lives. We are either the second creation of our own proactive design, or we are the second creation of other people’s agendas, of circumstances, or of past habits.
• The unique human capacities of self-awareness, imagination, and conscience enable us to examine first creations and make it possible for us to take charge of our own first creation, to write our own script.
4) Leadership and management – the two creations
• Effectiveness does not depend solely on how much effort we expend, but on whether or not the effort we expend is in the right jungle. And the metamorphosis taking place in most every industry and profession demands leadership first and management second. Leadership is even more lacking in our personal lives. We’re into managing with efficiency, setting and achieving goals before we have even clarified our values.
5) Re-scripting: become your own first creator
• In developing our own self-awareness many of us discover ineffective scripts, deeply embedded habits that are totally unworthy of us, totally incongruent with the things we really value in life. We are responsible to use our imagination and creativity to write new ones that are more effective, more congruent with our deepest values and with the correct principles that give our values meaning. But we don’t always see those values. We matters most gets buried under layers of pressing problems, immediate concerns, and outward behaviors. We become reactive.
• It also means to begin each day with those values firmly in mind. Then when challenges come, we can make our decisions based on those values. We can act with integrity. We don’t have to react to the emotion, the circumstance, I can be truly proactive, value driven, because my values are clear.
6) A personal mission statement
• The most effective way I know to begin with the end in mind is to develop a personal mission statement or philosophy or creed. It focuses on what you want to be (character) and to do (contribution and achievement) and on the values or principles upon which being and doing are based.
• People can’t live with change if there’s not a changeless core inside them. The key to the ability to change is a changeless sense of who you are, what you are about and what you value.
7) At the center
• Whatever is at the center in our life will be the source of our security, guidance, wisdom, and power.
• Security represents your sense of worth, with your identity, your emotional anchorage, your self-esteem, your basic personal strength or lack of it.
• Guidance means your source of direction in life. Encompassed by your map, your internal frame of reference that interprets for you what is happening out there, are standards or principles or implicit criteria that govern moment by moment decision-making and doing.
• Wisdom is your perspective on life, your sense of balance, your understanding of how the various parts and principles apply and relate to each other.
• Power is the faculty or capacity of act, the strength and potency of accomplish something. It’s vital energy to make choices and decisions; it also includes the capacity to overcome deeply embedded habits and to cultivate higher, more effective ones.
8) Alternative centers
Spouse centered
Security Your feelings of security are based on the way your spouse treats you. You are highly vulnerable to the moods and feelings of your spouse. There is deep disappointment resulting in withdrawal or conflict when your spouse disagrees with you or does not meet your expectations. Anything that may impinge on the relationship is perceived as a threat.
Guidance Your direction comes from your own needs and wants and from those of your spouse. Your decision-making criterion is limited to what you think is best for your marriage or your mate, or to the preferences and opinions of your spouse.
Wisdom Your life perspective surrounds things which may positively or negatively influence your spouse or your relationship.
Power You power to act is limited by weaknesses in your spouse and in yourself.
Family centered
Security Your security is founded on family acceptance and fulfilling family expectations. Your sense of personal security is as volatile as the family. Your feelings of self-worth are based on the family reputation.
Guidance Family scripting is your source of correct attitudes and behaviors. Your decision-making criterion is what is good for the family, or what family members want.
Wisdom Your interpret all of life in terms of your family, creating a partial understanding and family narcissism.
Power Your actions are limited by family models and traditions.
Money centered
Security Your personal worth is determined by your net worth. You are vulnerable to anything that threatens your economic security.
Guidance Profit is your decision-making criterion.
Wisdom Money-making is the lens through which life is seen and understood, creating imbalanced judgment.
Power You are restricted to what you can accomplish with your money and your limited vision.
Work centered
Security You tend to define yourself by your occupational role. You are only comfortable when you are working.
Guidance You make your decisions based on the needs and expectations of your work.
Wisdom You tend to be limited to your work role. You see your work as your life.
Power Your actions are limited by work role models, occupational opportunities, organizational constraints, your boss’s perceptions, and your possible inability at some point in your life to do that particular work.
Possession centered
Security Your security is based on your reputation, your social status, or the tangible things you possess.
Guidance You make your decisions based on what will protect, increase, or better display your possessions.
Wisdom You see the world in terms of comparative economic and social relationships.
Power You function within the limits of what you can buy or the social prominence you can achieve.
Pleasure centered
Security You feel security only when you’re on a pleasure “high.” Your security is short-lived, anesthetizing, and dependent on your environment.
Guidance You make your decisions based on what will give you the most pleasure.
Wisdom You see the world in terms of what’s in it for you.
Power Your power is almost negligible
Friend centered
Security Your security is a function of the social mirror. You are highly dependent on the opinions of others.
Guidance Your decision-making criterion is “What will they think?” You are easily embarrassed.
Wisdom You see the world through a social lens.
Power You are limited by your social comfort zone. You actions are as fickle as opinion
Enemy centered
Security Your security is volatile, based on the movements of your enemy. You are always wondering what he is up to. You seek self-justification and validation from the like-minded.
Guidance You are counter-dependently guided by your enemy’s actions. You make your decisions based on what will thwart your enemy.
Wisdom Your judgment is narrow and distorted. You are defensive, over reactive, and often paranoid.
Power The little power you do have comes from anger, envy, resentment and vengeance – negative energy that shrivels and destroys, leaving energy for little else.
Church centered
Security Your security is based on church activity and on the esteem in which you are held by those in authority or influence in the church. You find identity and security in religious labels and comparisons.
Guidance You are guided by how others will evaluate your actions in the context of church teachings and expectations.
Wisdom You see the world in terms of “believers” and “nonbelievers,” “belongers” and “nonbelongers.”
Power Perceived power comes from your church position or role.
Self-centered
Security Your security is constantly changing and shifting
Guidance Your judgment criteria are if it feels good, what I want, what I need, what’s in it for me.
Wisdom You view the world by how decision, events, or circumstances will affect you.
Power Your ability to act is limited to your own resources, without the benefits of interdependency.
9) A principle center
Principle-centered
Security Your security is based on correct principles that do not change, regardless of external conditions or circumstances. You know that true principles can repeatedly be validated in your own life, through your own experiences. As a measurement of self-improvement, correct principles function with exactness, consistency, beauty, and strength. Correct principles help you understand your own development, endowing you with the confidence to learn more, thereby increasing your knowledge and understanding. Your source of security provides you with an immovable, unchanging unfailing core enabling you to see change as an exciting adventure and opportunity to make significant contributions.
Guidance You are guided by a compass which enables you to see where you want to go and how you will get there. You use accurate data which makes your decisions both implementable and meaningful. You stand apart from life’s situations, emotions, and circumstances, and look at the balanced whole. Your decisions and actions reflect both short- and long-term considerations and implications. In every situation, you consciously, proactively determine the best alternative, basing decisions on conscience educated by principles.
Wisdom Your judgment encompasses a broad spectrum of long-term consequences and reflects a wise balance and quiet assurance. You see things differently and thus you think and act differently from the largely reactive world. You view the world through a fundamental paradigm for effective, provident living. You see the world in terms of what you can do for the world and its people. You adopt a proactive lifestyle, seeking to serve and build others. You interpret all of life’s experiences in terms of opportunities for learning and contribution.
Power Your power is limited only by your understanding and observance of natural law and correct principles and by the natural consequences of the principles themselves. You become a self-aware, knowledgeable, proactive individual, largely unrestricted by the attitudes, behaviors, or actions of others. Your ability to act reaches far beyond your own resources and encourages highly developed levels of interdependency. Your decisions and actions are not driven by your current financial or circumstantial limitations. You experience an interdependent freedom.
• Several important differences when you are coming from a principle-centered paradigm: you are not being acted upon by other people or circumstance. You are proactively choosing what you determine to be the best alternative. You make your decision consciously and knowledgably. You know your decision is most effective because it is based on principles with predictable long-term results. What you choose to do contributes to your ultimate values in life. You will feel comfortable about your decision. Whatever you choose to do, you can focus on it and enjoy it.
10) Writing and using a personal mission statement
• As proactive people, we can begin to give expression to what we want to be and to do in our lives. Your mission statement becomes your constitution, the solid expression of your vision and values. It becomes the criterion by which you measure everything in your life. Writing and reviewing a mission statement changes you because it forces you to think through your priorities deeply, carefully, and to align your behavior with your beliefs. As you do, other people begin to sense what you are not being driven by everything that happens to you. You have sense of mission about what you’re trying to do and you are excited about it.
• If we use the brain dominance theory as a model, it becomes evident that the quality of our first creation is significantly impacted by our ability to use our creative right brain. The more we are able to draw upon our fight brain capacity, the more fully we will be able to visualize , to synthesize, to transcend time and present circumstances, to project a holistic picture of what we want to do and to be in life.
• Expand your mind. Visualize in rich detail. Involve as many emotions and feelings as possible. Values quickly surface that before weren’t even recognized. Live with expanded perspective for a week and keep a diary of the experiences.
• A good affirmation has five basic ingredients: it’s personal, it’s positive, it’s present time, it’s visual, and it’s emotional. So I might write down something like this: “it is deeply satisfying (emotional) that I (personal) respond (present tense) with wisdom, love firmness, and self-control (positive) when my children misbehave.” Spend a few minutes each day and totally relax your mind and body. You can visualize them in rich detail. The more clearly and vividly you can imagine the detail, the more deeply you will experience it, the less you will see it as a spectator.
• You can do it in every area of your life. See it clearly, vividly, relentlessly, over and over again. In effective personal leadership, visualization and affirmation techniques emerge naturally out of a foundation of well thought through purposes and principles that become the center of a person’s life. They are extremely powerful in re-scripting and reprogramming, into writing deeply committed-to purposes and principles into one’s heart and mind.
• The nature of visualization is very important. If you visualize the wrong thing, you will produce the wrong thing. If these techniques become part of the personality ethic and are severed from a base of character and principles, they can be misused and abused in serving other centers, primarily the center of self.
11) Identifying roles and goals
• We each have a number of different roles in our lives – different areas or capacities in which we have responsibility. After you identify your various roles, then you can think about the long-term goals you want to accomplish in each of those roles.
• Roles and goals give structure and organized direction to your personal mission. If you don’t yet have a personal mission statement, it’s a good place to begin. Just identifying the various areas of your life and the two or three important results you feel you should accomplish in each area to move ahead gives you an overall perspective of your life and a sense of direction.
12) Family mission statements P137-139
13) Application suggestions:
• Take the time to record the impressions you had in the funeral visualization. You may want to use the chart below to organize your thoughts.
Area of activity Character Contributions Achievements
Family
Friends
Work
Church/community service, etc.
• Take a few moments and write down your roles as you now see them. Are you satisfied with that mirror image of your life?
• Set up time to completely separate yourself from daily activities and to begin work on your personal mission statement.
• Go through the chart in Appendix A showing different centers and circle all those you can identify with. Do they form a pattern for the behavior in your life? Are you comfortable with the implications of your analysis?
• Start a collection of notes, quotes, and ideas you may want to use as resource material in writing your personal mission statement.
• Identify a project you will be facing in the near future and apply the principle of mental creation. Write down the results you desire and what steps will lead to those results.
1) What it means to begin with the end in mind
• It means to start with a clear understanding of your destination. It means to know where you are going so that you better understand where you are now and so that the steps you take are always in the right direction. It’s incredibly easy to get caught up in an activity trap, in the busy-ness of life, to work harder and harder at climbing the latter of success only to discover it’s leaning against the wrong wall. It is possible to be busy without being very effective.
2) All things are created twice
• There’s a mental or first creation, and a physical or second creation to all things. To the extent to which we understand the principle of two creations and accept the responsibility for both, we act within and enlarge the borders of our circle of influence.
3) By design or default
• In our personal lives, if we do not develop our own self-awareness and become responsible for first creations, we empower other people and circumstances outside our circle of influence to shape much of our lives by default. Scripts coming from people, not principles, rise out of our deep vulnerabilities, our deep dependency on others and our needs for acceptance and love, for belonging, for a sense of importance and worth, for a feeling that we matter.
• Whether we are aware of it or not, whether we are in control of it or not, there is a first creation to every part of our lives. We are either the second creation of our own proactive design, or we are the second creation of other people’s agendas, of circumstances, or of past habits.
• The unique human capacities of self-awareness, imagination, and conscience enable us to examine first creations and make it possible for us to take charge of our own first creation, to write our own script.
4) Leadership and management – the two creations
• Effectiveness does not depend solely on how much effort we expend, but on whether or not the effort we expend is in the right jungle. And the metamorphosis taking place in most every industry and profession demands leadership first and management second. Leadership is even more lacking in our personal lives. We’re into managing with efficiency, setting and achieving goals before we have even clarified our values.
5) Re-scripting: become your own first creator
• In developing our own self-awareness many of us discover ineffective scripts, deeply embedded habits that are totally unworthy of us, totally incongruent with the things we really value in life. We are responsible to use our imagination and creativity to write new ones that are more effective, more congruent with our deepest values and with the correct principles that give our values meaning. But we don’t always see those values. We matters most gets buried under layers of pressing problems, immediate concerns, and outward behaviors. We become reactive.
• It also means to begin each day with those values firmly in mind. Then when challenges come, we can make our decisions based on those values. We can act with integrity. We don’t have to react to the emotion, the circumstance, I can be truly proactive, value driven, because my values are clear.
6) A personal mission statement
• The most effective way I know to begin with the end in mind is to develop a personal mission statement or philosophy or creed. It focuses on what you want to be (character) and to do (contribution and achievement) and on the values or principles upon which being and doing are based.
• People can’t live with change if there’s not a changeless core inside them. The key to the ability to change is a changeless sense of who you are, what you are about and what you value.
7) At the center
• Whatever is at the center in our life will be the source of our security, guidance, wisdom, and power.
• Security represents your sense of worth, with your identity, your emotional anchorage, your self-esteem, your basic personal strength or lack of it.
• Guidance means your source of direction in life. Encompassed by your map, your internal frame of reference that interprets for you what is happening out there, are standards or principles or implicit criteria that govern moment by moment decision-making and doing.
• Wisdom is your perspective on life, your sense of balance, your understanding of how the various parts and principles apply and relate to each other.
• Power is the faculty or capacity of act, the strength and potency of accomplish something. It’s vital energy to make choices and decisions; it also includes the capacity to overcome deeply embedded habits and to cultivate higher, more effective ones.
8) Alternative centers
Spouse centered
Security Your feelings of security are based on the way your spouse treats you. You are highly vulnerable to the moods and feelings of your spouse. There is deep disappointment resulting in withdrawal or conflict when your spouse disagrees with you or does not meet your expectations. Anything that may impinge on the relationship is perceived as a threat.
Guidance Your direction comes from your own needs and wants and from those of your spouse. Your decision-making criterion is limited to what you think is best for your marriage or your mate, or to the preferences and opinions of your spouse.
Wisdom Your life perspective surrounds things which may positively or negatively influence your spouse or your relationship.
Power You power to act is limited by weaknesses in your spouse and in yourself.
Family centered
Security Your security is founded on family acceptance and fulfilling family expectations. Your sense of personal security is as volatile as the family. Your feelings of self-worth are based on the family reputation.
Guidance Family scripting is your source of correct attitudes and behaviors. Your decision-making criterion is what is good for the family, or what family members want.
Wisdom Your interpret all of life in terms of your family, creating a partial understanding and family narcissism.
Power Your actions are limited by family models and traditions.
Money centered
Security Your personal worth is determined by your net worth. You are vulnerable to anything that threatens your economic security.
Guidance Profit is your decision-making criterion.
Wisdom Money-making is the lens through which life is seen and understood, creating imbalanced judgment.
Power You are restricted to what you can accomplish with your money and your limited vision.
Work centered
Security You tend to define yourself by your occupational role. You are only comfortable when you are working.
Guidance You make your decisions based on the needs and expectations of your work.
Wisdom You tend to be limited to your work role. You see your work as your life.
Power Your actions are limited by work role models, occupational opportunities, organizational constraints, your boss’s perceptions, and your possible inability at some point in your life to do that particular work.
Possession centered
Security Your security is based on your reputation, your social status, or the tangible things you possess.
Guidance You make your decisions based on what will protect, increase, or better display your possessions.
Wisdom You see the world in terms of comparative economic and social relationships.
Power You function within the limits of what you can buy or the social prominence you can achieve.
Pleasure centered
Security You feel security only when you’re on a pleasure “high.” Your security is short-lived, anesthetizing, and dependent on your environment.
Guidance You make your decisions based on what will give you the most pleasure.
Wisdom You see the world in terms of what’s in it for you.
Power Your power is almost negligible
Friend centered
Security Your security is a function of the social mirror. You are highly dependent on the opinions of others.
Guidance Your decision-making criterion is “What will they think?” You are easily embarrassed.
Wisdom You see the world through a social lens.
Power You are limited by your social comfort zone. You actions are as fickle as opinion
Enemy centered
Security Your security is volatile, based on the movements of your enemy. You are always wondering what he is up to. You seek self-justification and validation from the like-minded.
Guidance You are counter-dependently guided by your enemy’s actions. You make your decisions based on what will thwart your enemy.
Wisdom Your judgment is narrow and distorted. You are defensive, over reactive, and often paranoid.
Power The little power you do have comes from anger, envy, resentment and vengeance – negative energy that shrivels and destroys, leaving energy for little else.
Church centered
Security Your security is based on church activity and on the esteem in which you are held by those in authority or influence in the church. You find identity and security in religious labels and comparisons.
Guidance You are guided by how others will evaluate your actions in the context of church teachings and expectations.
Wisdom You see the world in terms of “believers” and “nonbelievers,” “belongers” and “nonbelongers.”
Power Perceived power comes from your church position or role.
Self-centered
Security Your security is constantly changing and shifting
Guidance Your judgment criteria are if it feels good, what I want, what I need, what’s in it for me.
Wisdom You view the world by how decision, events, or circumstances will affect you.
Power Your ability to act is limited to your own resources, without the benefits of interdependency.
9) A principle center
Principle-centered
Security Your security is based on correct principles that do not change, regardless of external conditions or circumstances. You know that true principles can repeatedly be validated in your own life, through your own experiences. As a measurement of self-improvement, correct principles function with exactness, consistency, beauty, and strength. Correct principles help you understand your own development, endowing you with the confidence to learn more, thereby increasing your knowledge and understanding. Your source of security provides you with an immovable, unchanging unfailing core enabling you to see change as an exciting adventure and opportunity to make significant contributions.
Guidance You are guided by a compass which enables you to see where you want to go and how you will get there. You use accurate data which makes your decisions both implementable and meaningful. You stand apart from life’s situations, emotions, and circumstances, and look at the balanced whole. Your decisions and actions reflect both short- and long-term considerations and implications. In every situation, you consciously, proactively determine the best alternative, basing decisions on conscience educated by principles.
Wisdom Your judgment encompasses a broad spectrum of long-term consequences and reflects a wise balance and quiet assurance. You see things differently and thus you think and act differently from the largely reactive world. You view the world through a fundamental paradigm for effective, provident living. You see the world in terms of what you can do for the world and its people. You adopt a proactive lifestyle, seeking to serve and build others. You interpret all of life’s experiences in terms of opportunities for learning and contribution.
Power Your power is limited only by your understanding and observance of natural law and correct principles and by the natural consequences of the principles themselves. You become a self-aware, knowledgeable, proactive individual, largely unrestricted by the attitudes, behaviors, or actions of others. Your ability to act reaches far beyond your own resources and encourages highly developed levels of interdependency. Your decisions and actions are not driven by your current financial or circumstantial limitations. You experience an interdependent freedom.
• Several important differences when you are coming from a principle-centered paradigm: you are not being acted upon by other people or circumstance. You are proactively choosing what you determine to be the best alternative. You make your decision consciously and knowledgably. You know your decision is most effective because it is based on principles with predictable long-term results. What you choose to do contributes to your ultimate values in life. You will feel comfortable about your decision. Whatever you choose to do, you can focus on it and enjoy it.
10) Writing and using a personal mission statement
• As proactive people, we can begin to give expression to what we want to be and to do in our lives. Your mission statement becomes your constitution, the solid expression of your vision and values. It becomes the criterion by which you measure everything in your life. Writing and reviewing a mission statement changes you because it forces you to think through your priorities deeply, carefully, and to align your behavior with your beliefs. As you do, other people begin to sense what you are not being driven by everything that happens to you. You have sense of mission about what you’re trying to do and you are excited about it.
• If we use the brain dominance theory as a model, it becomes evident that the quality of our first creation is significantly impacted by our ability to use our creative right brain. The more we are able to draw upon our fight brain capacity, the more fully we will be able to visualize , to synthesize, to transcend time and present circumstances, to project a holistic picture of what we want to do and to be in life.
• Expand your mind. Visualize in rich detail. Involve as many emotions and feelings as possible. Values quickly surface that before weren’t even recognized. Live with expanded perspective for a week and keep a diary of the experiences.
• A good affirmation has five basic ingredients: it’s personal, it’s positive, it’s present time, it’s visual, and it’s emotional. So I might write down something like this: “it is deeply satisfying (emotional) that I (personal) respond (present tense) with wisdom, love firmness, and self-control (positive) when my children misbehave.” Spend a few minutes each day and totally relax your mind and body. You can visualize them in rich detail. The more clearly and vividly you can imagine the detail, the more deeply you will experience it, the less you will see it as a spectator.
• You can do it in every area of your life. See it clearly, vividly, relentlessly, over and over again. In effective personal leadership, visualization and affirmation techniques emerge naturally out of a foundation of well thought through purposes and principles that become the center of a person’s life. They are extremely powerful in re-scripting and reprogramming, into writing deeply committed-to purposes and principles into one’s heart and mind.
• The nature of visualization is very important. If you visualize the wrong thing, you will produce the wrong thing. If these techniques become part of the personality ethic and are severed from a base of character and principles, they can be misused and abused in serving other centers, primarily the center of self.
11) Identifying roles and goals
• We each have a number of different roles in our lives – different areas or capacities in which we have responsibility. After you identify your various roles, then you can think about the long-term goals you want to accomplish in each of those roles.
• Roles and goals give structure and organized direction to your personal mission. If you don’t yet have a personal mission statement, it’s a good place to begin. Just identifying the various areas of your life and the two or three important results you feel you should accomplish in each area to move ahead gives you an overall perspective of your life and a sense of direction.
12) Family mission statements P137-139
13) Application suggestions:
• Take the time to record the impressions you had in the funeral visualization. You may want to use the chart below to organize your thoughts.
Area of activity Character Contributions Achievements
Family
Friends
Work
Church/community service, etc.
• Take a few moments and write down your roles as you now see them. Are you satisfied with that mirror image of your life?
• Set up time to completely separate yourself from daily activities and to begin work on your personal mission statement.
• Go through the chart in Appendix A showing different centers and circle all those you can identify with. Do they form a pattern for the behavior in your life? Are you comfortable with the implications of your analysis?
• Start a collection of notes, quotes, and ideas you may want to use as resource material in writing your personal mission statement.
• Identify a project you will be facing in the near future and apply the principle of mental creation. Write down the results you desire and what steps will lead to those results.
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