【导演】Woody Allen 语录

1、The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have.
欣赏和喜欢你拥有的东西，而不是你没有的东西，你才能快乐。
2、It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better ... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
人似乎分为好人和坏人。好人睡得好一些，而坏人似乎能更好地享受醒着的时间。
3、You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.
如果你放弃所有让你想活到一百岁的东西，你就可以活到一百岁。
4、When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
当我被绑架后，我父母立即采取行动——他们把我的房间租了出去。
5、I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
我不怕死，我只是不想在我死的时候在场。
6、I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
我并不相信有来生，尽管我带上了供换洗的内衣裤。
7、I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.
我的反应能力很差。有一次我被一辆车轧了，这辆车正由两个人推着走。
8、I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.
我是一个很好的情人，因为我在自己身上经常操练。
9、If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.
如果我的电影不赚钱，我知道我做对了某件事。
10、Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
生活充满了悲惨、孤独和苦难，而且这一切都结束得太快了。
11、Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.
死亡是少数几件只要躺下就能完成的事情之一。
12、The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.
这里的食物糟透了，而且一份的量太少了。
13、The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.
我和我老婆唯一一次同时获得高潮是在法官签署离婚文件时。
As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
Woody Allen
Eighty percent of success is showing up.
Woody Allen
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Woody Allen
His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
Woody Allen
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
Woody Allen
How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?
Woody Allen
I am at two with nature.
Woody Allen
I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.
Woody Allen
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying.
Woody Allen
I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
Woody Allen
I took a speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
Woody Allen
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
Woody Allen
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
Woody Allen
If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.
Woody Allen
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.
Woody Allen
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-- particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.
Woody Allen
It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
Woody Allen
It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.
Woody Allen
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
Woody Allen
Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
Woody Allen
Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
Woody Allen
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Woody Allen
Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
Woody Allen
My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.
Woody Allen
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
Woody Allen
Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
Woody Allen
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.
Woody Allen
Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.
Woody Allen
Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.
Woody Allen
The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5'7", it is impossible to get your congressman on the phone.
Woody Allen
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
Woody Allen
Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
Woody Allen
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
Woody Allen
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
Woody Allen
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
Woody Allen
Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?
Woody Allen
You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.
Woody Allen
What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?
Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
Woody Allen, My Speech to the Graduates
Death doesn't really worry me that much, I'm not frightened about it... I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen, The Standup Years
The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
Woody Allen, Without Feathers (1976)
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen, Without Feathers, 1976
Sourced
* Marriage? That's for life! It's like cement!
o What's New, Pussycat? (1965)
* I think crime pays. The hours are good, you meet a lot of interesting people, you travel a lot.
o Take the Money and Run (1969)
* Allan: That's quite a lovely Jackson Pollock, isn't it?
Woman: Yes, it is.
Allan: What does it say to you?
Woman: It restates the negativeness of the universe. The hideous lonely emptiness of existence. Nothingness. The predicament of man forced to live in a barren, godless eternity like a tiny flame flickering in an immense void with nothing but waste, horror, and degradation, forming a useless, bleak straitjacket in a black, absurd cosmos.
Allan: What are you doing Saturday night?
Woman: Committing suicide.
Allan: What about Friday night?
o Play It Again, Sam (1972)
* To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
o Stardust Memories (1980)
* Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
o A Midsummer Night's Sex Comedy (1982)
* Millions of books written on every conceivable subject by all these great minds and in the end, none of them knows anything more about the big questions of life than I do ... I read Socrates. This guy knocked off little Greek boys. What the Hell's he got to teach me? And Nietzsche, with his theory of eternal recurrence. He said that the life we lived we're gonna live over again the exact same way for eternity. Great. That means I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again. It's not worth it. And Freud, another great pessimist. I was in analysis for years and nothing happened. My poor analyst got so frustrated, the guy finally put in a salad bar. Maybe the poets are right. Maybe love is the only answer.
o Hannah and Her Sisters (1986)
* ...What a world. It could be so wonderful if it wasn't for certain people.
o Radio Days (1987)
* I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.
o Manhattan Murder Mystery (1993)
* We're worth a lot of dough. Whatever you see is antiques. This thing here. This is from--I don't remember exactly. I think it's the Renaissance or the Magna Carta or something. But that's where it's from.
o Small Time Crooks (2001)
* I'm not saying I didn't enjoy myself, but I didn't.
o The Curse of the Jade Scorpion (2001)
* Chris: The man who said "I'd rather be lucky than good" saw deeply into life. People are afraid to face how great a part of life is dependent on luck. It's scary to think so much is out of one's control. There are moments in a match when the ball hits the top of the net and for a split second it can either go forward or fall back. With a little luck it goes forward and you win. Or maybe it doesn't and you lose.
o Match Point (2005)
* As a filmmaker, I'm not interested in 9/11 [...] it's too small, history overwhelms it. The history of the world is like: He kills me, I kill him, only with different cosmetics and different castings. So in 2001, some fanatics killed some Americans, and now some Americans are killing some Iraqis. And in my childhood, some Nazis killed Jews. And now, some Jewish people and some Palestinians are killing each other. Political questions, if you go back thousands of years, are ephemeral, not important. History is the same thing over and over again.
o Interview in Der Spiegel, 2005-06-20 (as quoted by the New York Post) [1]
* No. I have no apprehension whatsoever. I've been through this so many times. And I found that one way or the other, your life doesn't change at all. Which is sad, in a way. Because the people love your film...nothing great happens. And people hate your film...nothing terrible happens. Many years ago, I would...I would...a film of mine would open, and it would get great reviews, and I would go down and look at the movie theater. There'd be a line around the block. And when a film is reviled, you open a film and people say "Oh, it's the stupidest thing, it's the worst movie." You think: oh, nobody's going to ever speak to you again. But, it doesn't happen. Nobody cares. You know, they read it and they say "Oh, they hated your film." You care, at the time. But they don't. Nobody else cares. They're not interested. They've got their own lives, and their own problems, and their own shadows on their lungs, and their x-rays. And, you know, they've got their own stuff they're dealing with.... So, I'm just never nervous about it.
o September 2007 interview, promoting Cassandra's Dreams
# Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
# Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. (Without Feathers)
# Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
# Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends. (Getting Even)
# Sex without love is an empty gesture. But as empty gestures go, it is one of the best.
# Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
# Sex between 2 people is a beautiful thing; between 5 it's fantastic...
# Some guy hit my fender the other day, and I said unto him "Be fruitful and multiply." But not in those exact words...
# To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
# The good people sleep better, while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more. (Side Effects)
# The last time I was in a woman I was visiting the Statue of Liberty.
# The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
# What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. (Without Feathers)
# When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
# When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
# Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage. (Without Feathers)
# What is it about death that bothers me so much? Probably the hours. (Without Feathers)
# Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered? (Getting Even)
# I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.
# If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe.
# If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. (Without Feathers)
# I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
# Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought -- particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.
# It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off. (Side Effects)
# It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies. (Getting Even)
# Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.
# At the moment it's just a Notion, but with a bit of backing I think I could turn it into Concept, and then an Idea.
# Being bisexual doubles your chance of a date on Saturday night.
# Can we actually "know" the universe? My God, it's hard enough finding your way around in Chinatown. (Getting Even)
# Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime.
# Eighty percent of success is showing up.
# Hey, don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone you love.
# How the hell do I know why there were Nazis? I don't even know how the can opener works!
# I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
# In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
# I could tell by the sound of your voice over the phone. Very authoritative you know, like the Pope or the computer in 2001.
# I don't believe in afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear. (Getting Even)
# I had a mad impulse to throw you down on the lunar surface and commit interstellar perversion with you.