E---搞

附一篇搞笑的专栏作，赛前加油~~太恶搞了~
http://www.tennischannel.com/news/NewsDetails.aspx?newsid=6563
Juan Martin del Potro、Rafael Nadal、Andy Roddick、Nikolay Davydenko、Novak Djokovic。大家就是在这些大名中不停猜测到底谁能夺得澳网冠军的头衔。但最后胜出的是Andy Murray和Roger Federer。只有一个白痴才会去尝试在这最后关头去教导他们。但我不是个普通的白痴。而这也不是一次普通的教导。我要以Murray亲友团中的拳击手Ricky Hatton (好吧，我也不知道他是谁) 的精神，在场上两边选手的角落上设置好训练营，然后我要对著他们大喊出我那涨红了脸的鼓励、我的怒火、我的口水。
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Roger！
看看你！每个人都说你老了。他们说，你老了！那些年轻小伙子跑出来，抢你的糖果，拿你的头衔。那个叫Nadal的小鬼夺去了你的排名。Djokovic爱顶嘴。那个阿根廷人用正手玩弄你，而且还是在你的地盘。你的地盘！这次澳网一开始，每个人都说你变弱了。你必须证明给他们看看。
那个Andreev还以为自己可以对你颐指气使的，但你毁灭了他。你毁灭了全部人，包括在神与国家面前把Hewit屁股打得开花，你摧毁了澳洲。至於那个前一个半月把你搞得乌烟瘴气的男人，Davydenko？脆弱得有如花生，就像准决赛中的阿里一样。一败涂地。你才是主角。你才是明星。但现在有一颗新星。有没有看到对面角落里那个有个雪白皮肤和坚强下颚的男人？他要你的宝座。而且那个XX还真以为他可以办到。从你手中！
你必须上场，一听到「开始」这两个字就砍断他瘦弱的膝盖。不要像你跟光头男比赛时一样，开始得那麼软弱。给他点颜色看看。不要多想什麼，不要担心赢得漂不漂亮，或想摸索他什麼。一开始就杀得他片甲不留。他现在可担心死了。他比你多了一天可以担心这些。他想得越多，他就会越担心会让伊丽莎白女皇失望，或史恩康纳莱之类的。你只需要做一件事，那就是把他装在箱子里寄回家。
如果这些都失败的话，你至少可以喊个暂停去厕所。打败他。你懂我的。Go go go！
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Andy！
这是他的陷阱。他的陷阱！说什麼你承担了所有的压力。你不觉得烦吗？每个人都对著那个XX低声下气，你不觉得烦吗？他以为自己几岁了，40岁？他已经有15座大满贯了，所以他也很贪心。而且你不觉得所有的媒体都很烦吗？他们说，你浪费了你的天赋。阿格西爱你。每个人只要稍微懂一点球都认为你是个真正的天才，但你所得到的只有「半调子！」、「装模作样！」、「提姆亨曼！」Djokovic、del Potro，他们居然敢比你先赢到大满贯。你耶！你的女朋友离开你了，你遇上了提前来临的中年危机，买了一辆20万美金的法拉利。而且你这次澳网是第五种子。第五！
但你做到了，做得很好。你前几轮都打得轻松，保存了你的体力。把那些没用的家伙踢走了，直到面对Rafa才提升起自己的级数。他们说你除了防守之外什麼都不会，是吧？砰！吃不消了吧。Cilic打得很完美，结果你把他阻挡了。用你那张美丽的大嘴吃掉他了。现在你必须上去咬住那个瑞士小姐。咬掉他的头，看他的身体抽动。
不要多想什麼，不要担心赢得漂不漂亮，或想摸索他什麼。一上去就全面进攻。让他知道你不再是一个留著搞笑爆炸头的小鬼。让他像去年跟Rafa的比赛一样萎靡不振。让他知道他已经是古代历史。不要为了苏格兰或是任何人来做这件事。去他的什麼百万人民的希望。他们想要他们就自己来打。你是为了自己打球。打得精采些。
你懂我的。像那些呆头鹅一样，你的时代来到了。现在是你的时代。Go go go！
10 things you need to know about Andy Murray：
1. Born on the 15th May 1987 to father, Willie, and mother, Judy, in Dunblane, Scotland. His grandfather, Roy Erskine, was a professional footballer and Andy Murray could have followed in his footsteps as Glasgow Rangers were interested in signing him.
2. Aged 8, Murray survived the Dunblane Massacre by hiding in the headmaster’s office but he says he does not remember it and does not like to talk about it.
3. In 2002, he left Scotland, and his family, to train at the Sanchez Casal Academy in Barcelona. Two years later and aged 17, Murray won the US Open Boys title and became BBC Young Sports Personality of the Year.
4. The following year Murray turned professional and entered the world-rankings at 407. He became Britain’s youngest-ever Davis Cup player, partnering David Sherwood in the doubles victory over Israel.
5. He reached the third round of Wimbledon, after beating 14th seed Radek Stepanek in straight sets. He broke into the top-100 after losing to Roger Federer at the Thailand Open. He finished the year world-number 64.
6. In 2006, Murray won his first ATP title defeating Lleyton Hewitt at the SAP Open and was only one of two players to defeat Federer that year.
7. Murray broke into the top-10 in 2008 and reached his first Grand Slam final, losing heavily to Federer at the US Open.
8. Murray became Britain’s highest-ever ranked player in the modern-era, becoming world-number-two and became the first British winner of Queen’s since 1938.
9. Murray’s defeat of Marin Cilic in the semi-final saw him become the first British man to reach the Australian Open final since John Lloyd in 1977. He could become the first British winner of a slam in 74 years.
10. Murray is alcohol free, after a bad experience in Barcelona, and despite getting annoyed by journalists calling him English, he has bought a house in Surrey. Murray vows to sign all autographs after being snubbed by his idol, Andre Agassi, at Wimbledon when he was a child.
第二和第十个真是辛酸啊