《Gone With The Wind 飘》(5)
His hands were on her head, under her flowing hair, caressing, hard, turning her face up to his. She was looking into the face of a stranger, a drunken drawling-voiced stranger. She had never lacked animal courage and in the face of danger it flooded back hotly into her veins, stiffening her spine, narrowing her eyes.
说着，他的两只手果真放到了她的脑袋两旁，在披散的发下，使劲抚摸着，把她的脸抬起来仰朝着他。她注视那张陌生的脸，一个喝得烂醉、用拖长的声调说话的陌生人的脸。她是从来不缺乏那种本能的勇气的，面临危险时她会立刻生出这种勇气来，使她挺直脊梁，眯细眼睛，随时准备投入战斗。
“You drunken fool,” she said. “Take your hands off me.”
“你这个糊涂的醉鬼，”她说，“快把手放下。”
To her surprise, he did so and seating himself on the edge of the table he poured himself another drink.
叫她惊讶的是他果然把手放下了，然后坐到桌子边上，又给自己斟了一杯酒。
“I have always admired your spirit, my dear. Never more than now when you are cornered.”
“我一向佩服你的勇气，亲爱的。特别是现在，当你被逼得走投无路的时候。”
She drew her wrapper close about her body. Oh, if she could only reach her room and turn the key in the stout door and be alone. Somehow, she must stand him off, bully him into submission, this Rhett she had never seen before. She rose without haste, though her knees shook, tightened the wrapper across her hips and threw back her hair from her face.
她用披肩把身子裹紧了一些，心想，要是现在能回到卧室里，把门锁起来，一个人待在里面，那该多么好啊。如今她总要把他顶回去，把他摆平，这个她以前从没见过的瑞德。她不慌不忙地站起身来，尽管两个膝盖在哆嗦，又将披肩围着大腿裹紧，然后理开脸上的头发。
“I’m not cornered,” she said cuttingly. “You’ll never corner me, Rhett Butler, or frighten me. You are nothing but a drunken beast who’s been with bad women so long that you can’t understand anything else but badness. You can’t understand Ashley or me. You’ve lived in dirt too long to know anything else. You are jealous of something you can’t understand. Good night.”
“我并不感到走投无路，”她尖刻地说，“瑞德•巴特勒，你永远也休想逼我就范，也别想把我吓倒。你只不过是只喝醉了的野兽，跟一些坏女人鬼混得太久，便把谁都看成坏人，别的什么也不懂。你既不了解艾希礼，也不了解我。你在污秽的地方待惯了，除了龌龊事什么也不懂。你是在妒嫉某些你无法理解的东西。明天见。”
She turned casually and started toward the door and a burst of laughter stopped her. She turned and he swayed across the room toward her. Name of God, if he would only stop that terrible laugh! What was there to laugh about in all of this? As he came toward her, she backed toward the door and found herself against the wall. He put his hands heavily upon her and pinned her shoulders to the wall.
她从容地转过身，向门口走去，这时一阵大笑使她收住了脚步。她转过头一看，只见他正摇摇晃晃向她走过来。天啊，但愿他不要那样可怕地大笑啊！这一切有什么好笑的啊？可是他一步步地向她逼近，她一步步向门后退，最后发现已经退到墙边了。他伸出一双大手把她按到墙上。
“Stop laughing.”
“别笑了。”
“I am laughing because I am so sorry for you.”
“我这样笑是为你难过呢。”
“Sorry—for me? Be sorry for yourself.”
“难过——为我，你是在为自己难过吧。”
“Yes, by God, I’m sorry for you, my dear, my pretty little fool. That hurts, doesn’t it? You can’t stand either laughter or pity, can you?”
“是的，上帝作证，我为你难过，亲爱的，我的漂亮的小傻瓜。你觉得受不了，是不是？你既经不起笑又经不起怜悯，对吗？”
He stopped laughing, leaning so heavily against her shoulders that they ached. His face changed and he leaned so close to her that the heavy whisky smell of his breath made her turn her head.
他止住笑声，将身子沉重地靠在她肩膀上，她感到肩都痛了。他的表情也发生了变化，而且凑得那么近，嘴里那股浓烈的威士忌味叫她不得不背过脸去。
“Jealous, am I?” he said. “And why not? Oh, yes, I’m jealous of Ashley Wilkes. Why not? Oh, don’t try to talk and explain. I know you’ve been physically faithful to me. Was that what you were trying to say? Oh, I’ve known that all along. All these years. How do I know? Oh, well, I know Ashley Wilkes and his breed. I know he is honorable and a gentleman. And that my dear, is more than I can say for you—or for me, for that matter. We are not gentlemen and we have no honor, have we? That’s why we flourish like green bay trees.”
“妒忌，我真的这样？”他说。“可怎么不呢？唔，真的，我妒忌艾希礼•威尔克斯。怎么不呢？唔，你不要说话，不用解释了。我知道你在肉体上是对我忠实的。你想说的就是这个吗？哦，这一点我一直很清楚。这些年来一直是这样。我怎么知道的？哦，你瞧，我了解艾希礼的为人和他的教养。我知道他是正直的，是个上等人。而且，亲爱的，这一点我不仅可以替你说——或者替我说，为那件事情本身说。我们不是上等人，我们没有什么可敬的地方，不是吗？这就是我们能够像翠绿的月桂树一般茂盛的缘故呢。”
“Let me go. I won’t stand here and be insulted.”
“让我走。我不要站在这里受你的侮辱。”
“I’m not insulting you. I’m praising your physical virtue. And it hasn’t fooled me one bit. You think men are such fools, Scarlett. It never pays to underestimate your opponent’s strength and intelligence. And I’m not a fool. Don’t you suppose I know that you’ve lain in my arms and pretended I was Ashley Wilkes?”
“我不是在侮辱你。我是在赞扬你肉体上的贞操。它一点也没有愚弄我。思嘉，你以为男人都那么傻吗？把你对手的力量和智慧估计得太低是绝没有好处的。我并不是个傻子。你当我不知道你躺在我的怀里却把我当作艾希礼•威尔克斯吗？”
Her jaw dropped and fear and astonishment were written plainly in her face.
她耷拉着下颚，恐惧和惊愕分明地写在脸上。
“Pleasant thing, that. Rather ghostly, in fact. Like having three in a bed where there ought to be just two.” He shook her shoulders, ever so slightly, hiccoughed and smiled mockingly.
“那是很有趣的事，其实还挺刺激。好像三个人睡在了本应该只有两个人的床上。”他摇着她的肩膀，那么轻轻地，一面打着嗝儿，嘲讽地微笑着。
“Oh, yes, you’ve been faithful to me because Ashley wouldn’t have you. But, hell, I wouldn’t have grudged him your body. I know how little bodies mean—especially women’s bodies. But I do grudge him your heart and your dear, hard, unscrupulous, stubborn mind. He doesn’t want your mind, the fool, and I don’t want your body. I can buy women cheap. But I do want your mind and your heart, and I’ll never have them, any more than you’ll ever have Ashley’s mind. And that’s why I’m sorry for you.”
“哦，是的，你对我忠实，因为艾希礼不想要你。不过，该死的，我才不会妒嫉艾希礼占有你的肉体呢？我知道肉体没多大意思——尤其是女人的肉体。但是，对于他占有你的感情和你那可爱的、冷酷的、不如廉耻的、顽固的心，我倒的确有些妒嫉。他并不要你的心，那傻瓜，可我也不要你的肉体。我不用花多少钱就能买到女人。不过，我的确想要你的情感和心，可是我却永远得不到它们，就像你永远得不到艾希礼的心一样。这就是我为你难过的地方。”
Even through her fear and bewilderment, his sneer stung.
尽管她觉得害怕和迷乱，但他的讥讽仍刺痛了她。
“Sorry—for me?”
“难过——为我？”
“Yes, sorry because you’re such a child, Scarlett. A child crying for the moon. What would a child do with the moon if it got it? And what would you do with Ashley? Yes, I’m sorry for you—sorry to see you throwing away happiness with both hands and reaching out for something that would never make you happy. I’m sorry because you are such a fool you don’t know there can’t ever be happiness except when like mates like. If I were dead, if Miss Melly were dead and you had your precious honorable lover, do you think you’d be happy with him? Hell, no! You would never know him, never know what he was thinking about, never understand him any more than you understand music and poetry and books or anything that isn’t dollars and cents. Whereas, we, dear wife of my bosom, could have been perfectly happy if you had ever given us half a chance, for we are so much alike. We are both scoundrels, Scarlett, and nothing is beyond us when we want something. We could have been happy, for I loved you and I know you, Scarlett, down to your bones, in a way that Ashley could never know you. And he would despise you if he did know... But no, you must go mooning all your life after a man you cannot understand. And I, my darling, will continue to moon after whores. And, I dare say we’ll do better than most couples.”
“是的，因为你真像个孩子，思嘉。一个小孩哭喊着要月亮，可是假如他真的有了月亮，他拿它来做什么用呢？同样，你拿艾希礼来做什么用？是的，我为你难过——看到你把自己的幸福拱手相让，却追求一些根本不会让你幸福的东西。我为你难过，因为你是这样一个傻瓜，竟不懂得彼此相似配偶之间的默契和快乐才是最大的幸福。如果我死了，媚兰死了，你得到了你那个宝贵的体面的情人，你以为你跟他在一起就幸福了？呸，不会的！你永远不会了解他，永远不理解他心里在想些什么，永远不懂得他的为人，犹如你不懂音乐、诗歌、书籍以及除了金钱以外的所有东西一样。而我们呢，我亲爱的知心太太，我们却可以过得很快乐。我们俩都是流氓，心里想什么就做什么，丝毫无所顾忌。我们本可以快快活活地过日子，因为我爱你，也了解你，思嘉，深入骨髓地了解你，这决不是艾希礼所能做到的。而他呢，他如果真正了解你，就会看不起你了……可不，你偏要一辈子痴心妄想地追求一个你不了解的男人。至于我呢，亲爱的，我只得继续和不三不四的女人混在一起。而且，我敢说，我们俩可以比别人都天长地久呢。”
He released her abruptly and made a weaving way back toward the decanter. For a moment, Scarlett stood rooted, thoughts tearing in and out of her mind so swiftly that she could seize none of them long enough to examine them. Rhett had said he loved her. Did he mean it? Or was he merely drunk? Or was this one of his horrible jokes? And Ashley—the moon—crying for the moon. She ran swiftly into the dark hall, fleeing as though demons were upon her. Oh, if she could only reach her room! She turned her ankle and the slipper fell half off. As she stopped to kick it loose frantically, Rhett, running lightly as an Indian, was beside her in the dark. His breath was not on her face and his hands went round her roughly, under the wrapper, against her bare skin.
他突然把她放开，然后摇摇晃晃地退到桌旁去拿酒瓶。思嘉像生了根似的站了一会儿，种种纷乱的想法在她脑袋里涌现，可是她一个也没有抓住，更来不及仔细琢磨。瑞德说过他爱她。他真的是这意思吗？还是只是醉后之言？或者这又是一个可怕的玩笑？而艾希礼——哭着要的那个月亮——真的只是个月亮吗？她迅速跑到黑暗的门厅，仿佛在逃避背后的恶魔似的。唉，她恨不得马上回到自己的房里去！这时她的脚脖子一扭，拖鞋都快掉了。她停下来拼命想把拖鞋甩正，这时瑞德像个印第安人偷偷地跟到了她身后。他那炽热的呼吸没有朝她的脸袭去，他的双手粗暴地伸到她的披肩底下，紧贴着赤裸的肌肤，把她抱住了。
“You turned me out on the town while you chased him. By God, this is one night when there are only going to be two in my bed.”
“你把我撵到大街上，自己却跑去追求他。今晚无论如何也不行，我床上只容两个人。”
He swung her off her feet into his arms and started up the stairs. Her head was crushed against his chest and she heard the hard hammering of his heart beneath her ears. He hurt her and she cried out, muffled, frightened. Up the stairs, he went in the utter darkness, up, up, and she was wild with fear. He was a mad stranger and this was a black darkness she did not know, darker than death. He was like death, carrying her away in arms that hurt. She screamed, stifled against him and he stopped suddenly on the landing and, turning her swiftly in his arms, bent over and kissed her with a savagery and a completeness that wiped out everything from her mind but the dark into which she was sinking and the lips on hers. He was shaking, as though he stood in a strong wind, and his lips, traveling from her mouth downward to where the wrapper had fallen from her body, fell on her soft flesh. He was muttering things she did not hear, his lips were evoking feelings never felt before. She was darkness and he was darkness and there had never been anything before this time, only darkness and his lips upon her. She tried to speak and his mouth was over hers again. Suddenly she had a wild thrill such as she had never known; joy, fear, madness, excitement, surrender to arms that were too strong, lips too bruising, fate that moved too fast. For the first time in her life she had met someone, something stronger than she, someone she could neither bully nor break, someone who was bullying and breaking her. Somehow, her arms were around his neck and her lips trembling beneath his and they were going up, up into the darkness again, a darkness that was soft and swirling and all enveloping.
他猛地将她抱起，随即上楼。她的头被紧紧夹在他胸脯上，听得见他心脏的怦怦急跳。她被他夹痛了，便大声喊叫，可声音好像被闷住了似的，显得十分惶恐。上楼梯时，周围一片黑暗，他一步步走上去，她吓得快疯了。他成了一个疯狂的陌生人，而这种情况是她从来没有经历过的，它比死亡还可怕。他就像死亡一样，狠狠地抱着她，要把她带走。她尖叫起来，但声音被他的身子捂住了。这时他突然在楼梯顶停住了脚，迅速将她翻过身来，然后俯下去吻她，那么狂热、尽情地吻她，把她心头的一切都抹得一干二净，只剩下那个使她不断往下沉的黑暗深渊和压着她的那对双唇。他在发抖，好像站在狂风中似的，而他的嘴唇在到处移动，从她的嘴上移到那披肩从她身上掉落的地方，她那柔润的肌肤上。他的嘴里嘀嘀咕咕，但她什么也没听见，因为他的嘴唇正唤起她从没有过的激情。她被吻得没有思考和喘息的空隙，只剩脑子里的一片空白和他那紧压着她的嘴唇。她想说话，可他的嘴又压下来。突然她感到一阵从没有过的狂热刺激，那是快乐和恐惧、疯狂和兴奋，是对一双过于强大的胳膊、两片过于粗暴的嘴唇以及来得过于迅猛的命运的屈服。她有生以来第一次遇到了一个比她更强有力的人，一个她既不能给以威胁也不能压服的人，一个正在威胁她和压服她的人。不知为什么，她的两只胳臂已抱住了他的脖子，她的嘴唇已在他唇下颤抖，他们在那片朦胧的黑暗中上升，上升，那是一片柔软的、漩涡般的、吞噬一切的黑暗。
He had humbled her, hurt her, used her brutally through a wild mad night and she had gloried in it.
他在一个狂乱的夜晚征服了她，挫伤了她，虐待了她，而她对此却十分兴奋呢。
Oh, she should be ashamed, should shrink from the very memory of the hot swirling darkness! A lady, a real lady, could never hold up her head after such a night. But, stronger than shame, was the memory of rapture, of the ecstasy of surrender. For the first time in her life she had felt alive, felt passion as sweeping and primitive as the fear she had known the night she fled Atlanta, as dizzy sweet as the cold hate when she had shot the Yankee.
哦，她应当感到羞耻，应当一想起那个狂热的、漩涡般的消魂时刻就心惊胆战！一个夫人，一个有身份的夫人，经历了那样一个夜晚以后便再也抬不起头来了。可是，比羞耻感更强的是陶醉于那种狂热、那种消魂和被征服的体验。她有生以来第一次找到了人生的真谛，第一次感到了真正的情欲，这种情欲是原始的、强烈的，和她逃离亚特兰大那天晚上所经历的那种席卷一切的本能和恐惧是一样的，同时又是令人晕眩而甜蜜的，就像她打死那个北方佬时宣泄那种仇恨一样。
When she thought of meeting him again, face to face in the sober light of day, a nervous tingling embarrassment that carried with it an exciting pleasure enveloped her.
她想到还要在大白天面对面地同他相见，便陷入了一种紧张和局促不安当中，当然其中也有兴奋和喜悦之情。
“Oh, spare me your moral indignation. You never gave a damn what I did as long as I paid the bills. And you know I’ve been no angel recently. And as for you being my wife—you haven’t been much of a wife since Bonnie came, have you? You’ve been a poor investment, Scarlett. Belle’s been a better one.”
“哦，请饶了我，别给我上这道德课了。你只要我付清那些账单，就无论我做什么都一概不管了。你也知道我最近不怎么规矩。至于你是我的妻子嘛——自从生下邦妮以后，你就不大像个妻子了，你说对吗？思嘉，你已经是个折本的投资对象了，贝尔都比你强。”
“If you were a man, I would break your neck for that. As it is, all I can say is for you to shut your God-damn mouth. Do you think I do not love Bonnie, that I would take her where—my daughter! Good God, you fool! And as for you, giving yourself pious airs about your motherhood, why, a cat’s a better mother than you! What have you ever done for the children? Wade and Ella are frightened to death of you and if it wasn’t for Melanie Wilkes, they’d never know what love and affection are. But Bonnie, my Bonnie! Do you think I can’t take better care of her than you? Do you think I’ll ever let you bully her and break her spirit, as you’ve broken Wade’s and Ella’s? Hell, no! Have her packed up and ready for me in an hour or I warn you what happened the other night will be mild beside what will happen. I’ve always thought a good lashing with a buggy whip would benefit you immensely.”
“你如果是个男人，我就把你的脖子先拧断再说。现在我警告你闭上你那张臭嘴。你以为我不爱邦妮，会把她带到那种地方——她是我的女儿！我的天，你这傻逼！至于你，你把做母亲的假虔诚摆给你自己去吧。不是吗，作为一个母亲，你还不如一只猫呢！你啥时候给孩子们做过些什么？韦德和爱拉看见你就怕得要命，要是没有媚兰，他们连什么叫爱和亲密都不知道呢。可是邦妮，我的邦妮！你以为我会照顾得不如你吗？你以为我会让你去威胁她，伤害她的心灵，像你对韦德和爱拉那样吗？见鬼去吧，想都别想！快替她收拾好，让我一个小时后便能动身，否则我警告你，后果会比前两天那个晚上要严重得多。我时常觉得，用鞭子结结实实抽你一顿会对你大有好处呢。”
With one of the few adult emotions Scarlett had ever had, she realized that to unburden her own tortured heart would be the purest selfishness. She would be ridding herself of her burden and laying it on the heart of an innocent and trusting person.
思嘉到底也懂一点人情世故，她意识到如果这样摆脱内心的煎熬就是最彻底的自私了。好像是认罪，却把痛楚转嫁到一个无辜的、信任别人的人心上。
His helplessness in the face of the present situation irked her. She did not know what he could do to better matters but she felt that he should do something. Rhett would have done something. Rhett always did something, even if it was the wrong thing, and she unwillingly respected him for it.
他脸上那种对目前局面无可奈何的神情，她看着都烦。她不知道他怎样才能改善这个局面，但认为他总该想点办法的。要是瑞德，他早就采取措施了。瑞德总能想出办法来，哪怕是不正当的办法，这点上她尽管心中不乐意可还是非常佩服他的。
The mills were the tangible evidence of what she had done, unaided and against great odds, and she was proud of them and of herself.
这两个木厂是她的成就的具体证明，而她是在只身打拼和排除万难的情况下取得的这一切的，因此她为它们和自己感到骄傲。
His eyes now followed Bonnie. It was as though the swift flood of his life had been diverted into one narrow channel.
现在却整天盯着邦妮。仿佛他的生活的洪流被引入了一条狭窄的河道。
There was joy then, excitement too, but of a different sort from that which seized the town when Bullock took to his heels. This was a more sober heartfelt joy, a deep-souled feeling of thanksgiving.
那又是一番欢欣鼓舞。不过跟布洛克出逃后那次全城震动不一样，这次是一种很清醒的衷心喜悦，一种发自灵魂深处的感恩之情。
He was her god, the center of her small world, and that was too precious for him to risk losing by reprimands.
他是她心目的上帝，是她小小世界的中心，这对他实在太宝贵了，他决不敢冒丧失这一地位的风险去训斥她。
It amused and touched Scarlett to see the iron hand with which her small child ruled her father. Who would have thought that Rhett, of all people, would take fatherhood so seriously? But sometimes a dart of jealousy went through Scarlett because Bonnie, at the age of four, understood Rhett better than she had ever understood him and could manage him better than she had ever managed him.
思嘉眼看自己的女儿用一只小手牢牢地控制着她的父亲，心里又高兴又感动。有谁能像瑞德这样一条汉子做起父亲来会如此严肃而认真呢？不过，有时候思嘉也心生妒忌，因为邦妮刚刚四岁，却比她更加了解瑞德，更能驾驭他。
Watch me take this one!
瞧我这一下！
Memory rang a bell far back in Scarlett’s mind. There was something ominous about those words. What was it? Why couldn’t she remember? She looked down at her small daughter, so lightly poised on the galloping pony and her brow wrinkled as a chill swept swiftly through her breast. Bonnie came on with a rush, her crisp black curls jerking, her blue eyes blazing.
记忆在思嘉心灵的深处隐隐发出回响。这句话里似乎有种不祥的意味。那是什么呢？怎么记不起来了？她俯视着她的小女儿那么轻盈地坐在飞奔的小马上，这时一丝凄冷突然掠过她的胸坎。邦妮猛冲过来，她那波浪般的鬈发在头上螦动着，天蓝色的眼睛闪闪发亮。
“They are like Pa’s eyes,” thought Scarlett, “Irish blue eyes and she’s just like him in every way.”
“这活像爸爸的眼睛，爱尔兰人的蓝眼睛，”思嘉心想，“她哪里都像爸爸呢。”
And, as she thought of Gerald, the memory for which she had been rumbling came to her swiftly, came with the heart stopping clarity of summer lightning, throwing, for an instant, a whole countryside into unnatural brightness. She could hear an Irish voice singing, hear the hard rapid pounding of hooves coming up the pasture hill at Tara, hear a reckless voice, so like the voice of her child: “Ellen! Watch me take this one!”
她一想起杰拉尔德，那正在苦苦搜索的记忆便像令人心悸的夏日闪电般霍然出现，顿时把一整幅乡村画面闪得雪亮。她听见一个爱尔兰嗓音在歌唱，听见从塔拉疾驰而来的马蹄声，听见一个跟她孩子相似的鲁莽呼喊：“爱伦，瞧我这一下吧！”
Her own life was so pleasant, so sheltered, so wrapped about with people who loved her, so full of kindness that what Mammy told her was almost beyond comprehension or belief.
她自己的生活是那么美好，那么安宁，那么为周围的人所爱护，那么充满着相互间真挚而亲切的关怀，因此她对于嬷嬷所说的一切简直难以理解、无法相信。
Never before had it occurred to her that she needed Melanie. But now, the truth surged in, down to the deepest recesses of her soul. She had relied on Melanie, even as she had relied upon herself, and she had never known it. Now, Melanie was dying and Scarlett knew she could not get along without her.
她以前从没想过自己会需要媚兰。可如今真理终于显出，在她灵魂的最深处显现了。她一向依恃着媚兰，并不亚于依恃她自己，只是以前没有意识到。现在媚兰快死了，思嘉才终于明白，没有她，自己是过不下去的。
Melanie managed a small smile but it was a triumphant one as her eyes met Scarlett’s again. Their glance sealed the bargain that the protection of Ashley Wilkes from a too harsh world was passing from one woman to another and that Ashley’s masculine pride should never be humbled by this knowledge.
媚兰尽力露出一丝放心的隐隐的微笑，这是一个胜利的微笑，同时她的目光和思嘉的目光又一次相遇了。她们彼此交换眼神的一刻便订下了一个契约，那就是，保护艾希礼不被这过于残酷的世界摧残的责任从一个女人移交到了另一个女人身上。同时，为了维护艾希礼男性的自尊，决不让他知道这件事。
Suddenly it was as if Ellen were lying behind that closed door, leaving the world for a second time. Suddenly she was standing at Tara again with the world about her ears, desolate with the knowledge that she could not face life without the terrible strength of the weak, the gentle, the tender hearted.
突然，她觉得那关着的门里躺着的好像就是她母亲，她在第二次告别这个世界。突然她又站在了塔拉，周围的人都在议论，而她感到十分孤独，她知道失去了那个柔弱、文雅而仁慈善良的人的非凡力量，她是无法面对生活的。
She felt exhausted in body and drained of emotions. Now she felt no sorrow or remorse, no fear or amazement. She was tired and her mind ticked away dully, mechanically, as the clock on the mantel.
她觉得自己已筋疲力尽、感情枯竭，已没有了悲伤和悔恨，没有了恐惧和惊异。她疲倦，她的心在迟钝地机械地跳动，就像壁炉台上那老座钟一样。
“I loved something I made up, something that’s just as dead as Melly is. I made a pretty suit of clothes and fell in love with it. And when Ashley came riding along, so handsome, so different, I put that suit on him and made him wear it whether it fitted him or not. And I wouldn’t see what he really was. I kept on loving the pretty clothes—and not him at all. ”
“我爱的是某个我自己虚构的东西，而那个东西就像媚兰一样死了。我缝制了一套美丽的衣服，并且爱上了它。后来艾希礼骑着马跑来，他显得那么漂亮，那么与众不同，我便把那套衣服给他穿上，也不管他穿了合适不合适。我不想看清楚他究竟什么样。我一直爱着那套美丽的衣服——而根本不是他这个人。”
Now she could look back down the long years and see herself in green flowered dimity, standing in the sunshine at Tara, thrilled by the young horseman with his blond hair shining like a silver helmet. She could see so clearly now that he was only a childish fancy, no more important really than her spoiled desire for the aquamarine earbobs she had coaxed out of Gerald. For, once she owned the earbobs, they had lost their value, as everything except money lost its value once it was hers. And so he, too, would have become cheap if, in those first far-away days, she had ever had the satisfaction of refusing to marry him. If she had ever had him at her mercy, seen him grown passionate, importunate, jealous, sulky, pleading, like the other boys, the wild infatuation which had possessed her would have passed, blowing away as lightly as mist before sunshine and light wind when she met a new man.
于是她追忆到许多年前，仿佛看见她自己穿一件绿底白花细布衣裳站在塔拉的阳光下，被那位骑在马上金光闪闪的青年吸引住了。如今她已经清楚地看到，他只不过是她自己的一个幼稚的幻影，并不比她从杰拉尔德手里哄到的那副海蓝宝石耳坠更加稀罕。那副耳坠她也曾热烈地向往过，可是一旦得到了，也就没觉得它们有什么可贵的了，就像除金钱以外的所有东西那样，一旦得到了就失去了价值。艾希礼也是这样，假使她在那些遥远的日子最初就拒绝了他而满足了自己的虚荣心，他也早就不会有什么价值了。假如她也曾支配过他，看到他也像别的男孩子那样从热烈、焦急发展到嫉妒、愠怒、乞求，那么，当她遇到一个新的男人时，她那一度狂热的迷恋也就会随之消失，就好像一片迷雾在太阳出现和轻风吹来时很快烟消云散一样。
她爱的，只是想像中的艾希礼。她放不下的，只是艾希礼的不爱她。
It was Rhett—Rhett who had strong arms to hold her, a broad chest to pillow her tired head, jeering laughter to pull her affairs into proper perspective. And complete understanding, because he, like her, saw truth as truth, unobstructed by impractical notions of honor, sacrifice, or high belief in human nature. He loved her! Why hadn’t she realized that he loved her, for all his taunting remarks to the contrary? Melanie had seen it and with her last breath had said, “Be kind to him.”
那是瑞德——瑞德有强壮的臂膀可以拥抱她，有宽阔的胸膛给她疲倦的脑袋当枕头，有嘲讽的笑声使她用冷静恰当的眼光来看事物。而且还有全面的理解力，因为他跟她一样，凡事讲求实际，不会被不切实际的观念如荣耀、牺牲或对人性的过分信赖所蒙蔽。而且他爱她呢！她怎么没有意识到，尽管他常泼她冷水，但却还是爱她的呀！媚兰看到了这一点，临死时还说过：“要好好待瑞德。”
For years she had had her back against the stone wall of Rhett’s love and had taken it as much for granted as she had taken Melanie’s love, flattering herself that she drew her strength from herself alone. And even as she had realized earlier in the evening that Melanie had been beside her in her bitter campaigns against life, now she knew that silent in the background, Rhett had stood, loving her, understanding her, ready to help. Rhett at the bazaar, reading her impatience in her eyes and leading her out in the reel, Rhett helping her out of the bondage of mourning, Rhett convoying her through the fire and explosions the night Atlanta fell, Rhett lending her the money that gave her her start, Rhett who comforted her when she woke in the nights crying with fright from her dreams—why, no man did such things without loving a woman to distraction!
许多年来，她一直倚靠在瑞德这堵爱的石壁上，并把这看作理所当然的，就像对媚兰的爱那样，还洋洋得意地认为那是凭她自己的力量呢。就像当天晚上她明白了在她与生活进行的几次搏斗中媚兰始终站在她身边，此刻她懂得瑞德也悄悄地站在背后，爱着她，理解着她，随时准备帮助她。在那次义卖会上，瑞德看出了她不甘心寂寞的心情，便把她领出来跳苏格兰舞，瑞德帮助她摆脱了服丧的束缚，瑞德在亚特兰大陷落那天晚上护送她逃出了炮火连天的险境，瑞德借给她钱让她起家，瑞德听见她从那个恶梦中吓得哭醒时给她以安慰——怎么，一个男人要不是对一个女人爱得发疯，能做出这样的事吗？
“Rhett has never let me down, even that dreadful night of Melly’s reception when he ought to have wrung my neck. Even when he left me on the road the night Atlanta fell, he knew I’d be safe. He knew I’d get through somehow. Even when he acted like he was going to make me pay to get that money from him at the Yankee camp. He wouldn’t have taken me. He was just testing me. He’s loved me all along and I’ve been so mean to him. Time and again, I’ve hurt him and he was too proud to show it. And when Bonnie died—Oh, how could I?”
“瑞德却从没有辜负过我，即使在媚兰举行招待会的那个可怕的晚上，他本该掐死我的。即使在亚特兰大陷落那天晚上把我丢在半路，那是因为他知道我已经安全了，他知道我总会闯出去的。即使当我在北方佬营地里向他借钱时，他好像要我用身体做担保，其实他并不想要我这个担保，只是逗我玩罢了。他一直在爱着我，可我却一直待他那么坏。我屡次伤害他的感情，而他却那样爱面子，从不表现出来。后来邦妮死了——唉，我怎么能那样啊？”
“She was the only completely kind person I ever knew.”
“她是我所认识的唯一完美的好人。”
His somber gaze went past her and in his eyes was the same look she had seen in the light of the flames the night Atlanta fell, when he told her he was going off with the retreating army—the surprise of a man who knows himself utterly, yet discovers in himself unexpected loyalties and emotions and feels a faint self-ridicule at the discovery.
他那忧郁的目光越过她向前凝望，眼睛里流露的神情，跟亚特兰大陷落那天晚上她在火光中看到的一模一样，那时他告诉她，他要跟那些刚撤的部队一起走了——这是一个彻底了解自己的人出其不意的举动，他忽然从他自己身上发现了意外的忠诚和激情，并对这一发现产生了微带自嘲的感觉。
He was bitter at her long neglect, of course he was mistrustful of her sudden turnabout. She would have to woo him with kindness, convince him with a rich outpouring of love, and what a pleasure it would be to do it!
他为她长期的冷淡而感到痛心，对她突然的转变当然要怀疑。她还得亲切地讨他的欢心，热烈地爱他，才能使他相信。而这样做也会很有趣呢！
“If you must see him as he really is, see him straight. He’s only a gentleman caught in a world he doesn’t belong in, trying to make a poor best of it by the rules of the world that’s gone.”
“如果你真要看清他是怎样一个人，就不能带有偏见。他是个上等人，只不过被他所不能适应的这个世界给蒙骗了，可是他还按照过去那个世界的规律在白费力气地挣扎。”
“Did it ever occur to you that even the most deathless love could wear out?”
“你想过没有，哪怕最坚贞不渝的爱情也有被消磨干净的一天。”
“Mine wore out,” he went on, “against Ashley Wilkes and your insane obstinacy that makes you hold on like a bulldog to anything you think you want… Mine wore out.”
“我的爱已经消耗殆尽了，”他继续说，“被艾希礼•威尔克斯和你那股疯狂的固执劲儿消磨干净了。你固执得像只斗牛犬，抓住你认为自己想要的东西死不罢休……我的爱已经磨没了。”
“You’re so brutal to those who love you, Scarlett. You take their love and hold it over their heads like a whip.”
“思嘉，你对那些爱你的人真的很残酷。你接受他们的爱，把它作为鞭子举在他们头上。”
“I knew you didn’t love me when I married you. I knew about Ashley, you see. But, fool that I was, I thought I could make you care. Laugh, if you like, but I wanted to take care of you, to pet you, to give you everything you wanted. I wanted to marry you and protect you and give you a free rein in anything that would make you happy—just as I did Bonnie. You’d had such a struggle, Scarlett No one knew better than I what you’d gone through and I wanted you to stop fighting and let me fight for you. I wanted you to play, like a child—for you were a child, a brave, frightened, bullheaded child. I think you are still a child. No one but a child could be so headstrong and so insensitive.”
“我跟你结婚时就知道你并不爱我。我了解艾希礼的事，这一点你也明白。不过那时我很傻，满以为可以叫你回心转意呢。你就笑吧，如果高兴的话，可那时我真想照顾你，宠爱你，给你想要的一切。我要跟你结婚，保护你，让你随心所欲地干你想干的事——就像我对邦妮那样。思嘉，你也确实奋斗了一番。我比谁都清楚你经历了哪些艰难，因此我想要你休息一下，让我来为你奋斗。我要你去玩，像孩子一样玩——何况你本来就是个孩子，一个勇敢的、时常担惊受怕的、倔强的孩子。我想你至今仍是个孩子。只有一个孩子才会这样顽固，这样感觉迟钝。”
His voice was calm and tired but there was something in the quality of it that raised a ghost of memory in Scarlett. She had heard a voice like this once before and at some other crisis of her life. Where had it been? The voice of a man facing himself and his world without feeling, without flinching, without hope.
他的声音平静而疲倦，不过其中有某种东西引起了思嘉隐约的回忆。她曾经有一次听到过这样一种声音，那是在她生活中面临另外某个危机的时候。可是在什么地方呢？只记得那个声音也像这样没有感情，没有讳言，没有希望。
Why—why—it had been Ashley in the wintry, windswept orchard at Tara, talking of life and shadow shows with a tired calmness that had more finality in its timbre than any desperate bitterness could have revealed.
怎么——怎么——那是艾希礼，在塔拉农场寒风凛冽的果园里，用一种疲倦而平静的声音谈论人生和影子戏，那种末日判决般的口气听着比任何痛苦都更让人绝望。
Even as Ashley’s voice then had turned her cold with dread of things she could not understand, so now Rhett’s voice made her heart sink. His voice, his manner, more than the content of his words, disturbed her, made her realize that her pleasurable excitement of a few moments ago had been untimely. Something was wrong, badly wrong.
如同那时艾希礼的声音听得她对一些事情似懂非懂但也不寒而栗那样，现在瑞德的声音使她的心直往下沉。他的声音，他的态度，比他所说的内容更令她不安，让她明白她刚才那种喜悦兴奋的心情是为时过早了。她觉得事情有些不妙，非常不妙。
What it was she did not know but she listened desperately, her eyes on his brown face, hoping to hear words that would dissipate her fears.
到底是什么问题，她还不清楚，只能绝望地听着，凝视着他黝黑的面孔，但愿能听到使这种恐惧最终消释的下文。
“It was so obvious that we were meant for each other. So obvious that I was the only man of your acquaintance who could love you after knowing you as you really are—hard and greedy and unscrupulous, like me. I loved you and I took the chance. I thought Ashley would fade out of your mind. But,” he shrugged, “I tried everything I knew and nothing worked. And I loved you so, Scarlett. If you had only let me, I could have loved you as gently and as tenderly as ever a man loved a woman. But I couldn’t let you know, for I knew you’d think me weak and try to use my love against me. And always—always there was Ashley. It drove me crazy. I couldn’t sit across the table from you every night, knowing you wished Ashley was sitting there in my place. And I couldn’t hold you in my arms at night and know that—well, it doesn’t matter now. I wonder, now, why it hurt. That’s what drove me to Belle. There is a certain swinish comfort in being with a woman who loves you utterly and respects you for being a fine gentleman—even if she is an illiterate whore. It soothed my vanity. You’ve never been very soothing, my dear.”
“事情很明显，我们俩是天生的一对。我明明是你那些相识中唯一既了解你的底细又还能爱你的人——我知道你为什么残酷、贪婪和无所顾忌，跟我一样。我爱你，我决定冒这个险。我想艾希礼会从你心中渐渐消失的。可是，”他耸了耸肩，“我用尽一切办法都毫无结果，而我还是很爱你，思嘉，只要你给我机会，我就会像一个男人爱一个女人时能尽量做的那样，亲切而温柔地爱你。但是我不能让你知道，因为你知道了便会认为我软弱可欺，用我的爱来对付我。而且，艾希礼一直在那里。这逼得我快要发疯了。我不能每天晚上跟你面对面坐着吃饭，因为知道你心里希望坐在我这个座位上的是艾希礼。同样，晚上我也无法抱着你睡觉——不过，现在这已经无关紧要了。现在我才觉得奇怪，为什么要那样自讨苦吃呢。总之，那么一来，我就只好到贝尔那里去。在那里可以得到某种卑下的慰藉，因为总算是跟一个女人在一起，而她又那样由衷地爱你，尊敬你，把你当作一个很好的上等人——尽管她是没文化的妓女。这使我的虚荣心得到了宽慰。而你却从来不怎么懂得安慰人呢，亲爱的。”
“ And then, that night when I carried you upstairs—I thought—I hoped—I hoped so much I was afraid to face you the next morning, for fear I’d been mistaken and you didn’t love me. I was so afraid you’d laugh at me I went off and got drunk. And when I came back, I was shaking in my boots and if you had come even halfway to meet me, had given me some sign, I think I’d have kissed your feet. But you didn’t.”
“然后，到那天晚上，我把你抱上楼去——当时我想——我希望——我怀着多么大的希望，以致第二天早晨我连见都不敢见你，生怕我自作多情，而你实际上并不爱我。我十分担心你会嘲笑我，所以跑到外面喝醉了。我回来时还浑身颤抖呢，那时只要你哪怕出来迎接我一下，给我一点表示，我想我是会趴下去吻你的脚的，可是你并没有那样做。”
“When you were sick and it was all my fault, I stood outside your door, hoping you’d call for me, but you didn’t, and then I knew what a fool I’d been and that it was all over.”
“你那次生病，倒完全是我的错，我站在你的房门口，希望你叫我，可是你却没有叫，于是我感到自己太傻了，反正一切都完了。”
“But then, there was Bonnie and I saw that everything wasn’t over, after all. I liked to think that Bonnie was you, a little girl again, before the war and poverty had done things to you. She was so like you, so willful, so brave and gay and full of high spirits, and I could pet her and spoil her—just as I wanted to pet you. But she wasn’t like you—she loved me. It was a blessing that I could take the love you didn’t want and give it to her... When she went, she took everything.”
“不过，那时候邦妮还在，我觉得事情毕竟还是有希望的。我喜欢把邦妮当作你，好像你又回到了那个没有经过战争和贫困的小姑娘。她真像你，那么任性，那么勇敢快乐，兴致勃勃，我可以宠爱她，娇惯她——就像我想宠爱你一样。可她跟你有一点不一样——她爱我。于是我很欣慰能够把你所不要的爱拿来给她……等她一走，就把一切都带走了。”
Suddenly she was sorry for him, sorry with a completeness that wiped out her own grief and her fear of what his words might mean. It was the first time in her life she had been sorry for anyone without feeling contemptuous as well, because it was the first time she had ever approached understanding any other human being. And she could understand his shrewd caginess, so like her own, his obstinate pride that kept him from admitting his love for fear of a rebuff.
思嘉突然很为他难过，难过得连她自己的悲伤，以及因不了解他说这些话的用意而感到的恐惧，全都抛在脑后了。这是她有生以来第一次替别人感到难过而同时又不轻视这个人，因为这是她第一次真正理解另一个人呢。她能够了解他的精明狡诈——跟她自己的那么相似，以及他因为生怕碰壁而不肯承认自己的爱那样一种顽固的自尊心。
“Ah, darling,” she said coming forward, hoping he would put out his arms and draw her to his knees. “Darling, I’m so sorry but I’ll make it all up to you! We can be so happy, now that we know the truth and—Rhett—look at me, Rhett! There—there can be other babies—not like Bonnie but—”
“哎，亲爱的，”她走上前去说，希望他会伸出双臂把她抱过去放在膝上。“亲爱的，我的确对不起你，但是往后一切我都会补偿你的！我们会过得很愉快，因为我们已经彼此了解，而且——瑞德——看着我，瑞德！我们还可以——还可以再要孩子——不像邦妮，而是——”
“Thank you, no,” said Rhett, as if he were refusing a piece of bread. “I’ll not risk my heart a third time.”
“不了，谢谢你，”瑞德说，仿佛拒绝一片面包似的。“我不想让自己的心再做第三次冒险了。”
“Rhett, don’t say such things! Oh, what can I say to make you understand? I’ve told you how sorry I am—”
“瑞德，别这么说。哦，我怎么说才能让你明白呢？我已经告诉你我有多么对不起——”
“My darling, you’re such a child. You think that by saying, ‘ I’m sorry,’ all the errors and hurts of years past can be remedied, obliterated from the mind, all the poison drawn from old wounds… Take my handkerchief, Scarlett. Never, at any crisis of your life, have I known you to have a handkerchief.”
“亲爱的，你真是个孩子。你以为只要一声‘对不起’，这么多年来的过错和伤害就能补救，就能从心头抹掉，毒液就能从旧的伤口消除干净……把我这块手帕拿去，思嘉，在你一生无论哪个危机关头，我都没见你有过一块手帕呢。”
She took the handkerchief, blew her nose and sat down. It was obvious that he was not going to take her in his arms. It was beginning to be obvious that all his talk about loving her meant nothing. It was a tale of a time long past and he was looking at it as though it had never happened to him. And that was frightening. He looked at her in an almost kindly way, speculation in his eyes.
她接过手帕，擤了擤鼻子，然后坐下。看来很显然，他是不会抱她了。她开始清醒地意识到，他所说的关于爱她的话都已毫无意义。那已经是陈年往事了，他失望的语气里饱含着无可怀恋的陌生，仿佛这些事未曾发生过一样。这倒是令人吃惊的。他用一种近乎亲切的态度看着她，眼里流露出沉思的神色。
“How old are you, my dear? You never would tell me.”
“你多大年纪了，亲爱的？你从来不肯告诉我。”
“Twenty-eight,” she answered dully, muffled in the handkerchief.
“二十八，”她沉闷地回答，因手帕捂在嘴上显得闷声闷气的。
“That’s not a vast age. It’s a young age to have gained the whole world and lost your own soul, isn’t it? Don’t look frightened. I’m not referring to hell fire to come for your affair with Ashley. I’m merely speaking metaphorically. Ever since I’ve known you, you’ve wanted two things. Ashley and to be rich enough to tell the world to go to hell. Well, you are rich enough and you’ve spoken sharply to the world and you’ve got Ashley, if you want him. But all that doesn’t seem to be enough now.”
“这年纪不算大嘛。你得到整个世界却丢掉灵魂的时候还很年轻，不是吗？别害怕。我不是说因为你跟艾希礼的事你会下地狱受惩罚。这只是一种比喻罢了。自从我认识你以来，你一直就想要两样东西。一是艾希礼，二是尽量赚钱好任意践踏这个世界。好，现在你已经足够富裕了，可以对这个世界呼三喝四，而且也得到艾希礼了，如果你还要他的话。可是如今看来，似乎这一切还不够吧。”
She was frightened but not at the thought of hell fire. She was thinking: “But Rhett is my soul and I’m losing him. And if I lose him, nothing else matters! No, not friends or money or—or anything. If only I had him I wouldn’t even mind being poor again. No, I wouldn’t mind being cold again or even hungry. But he can’t mean—Oh, he can’t!”
她感到害怕，但不是因为地狱和惩罚。她在思忖：“我的灵魂其实就是瑞德，可是我快要失掉他了。而一旦失去他，别的东西就都没什么意义了。不论是朋友、钱——还是其它任何东西，都无关紧要。只要有他，我哪怕再一次受穷也在所不惜。我不在乎再一次挨冻、挨饿。但是，他不会真是那个意思吧——啊？不会吧！”
She wiped her eyes and said desperately: “Rhett, if you once loved me so much, there must be something left for me.”
于是，她擦了擦眼睛，焦急万分地说：“瑞德，既然你曾经那样爱过我，总该给我留下点什么吧！”
“Out of it all I find only two things that remain and they are the two things you hate the most—pity and an odd feeling of kindness.”
“我能留给你的只剩两样东西，那是你最憎恨的两样东西——同情和一种奇怪的客气。”
Pity! Kindness!
同情！客气！
“Oh, my God,” she thought despairingly. Anything hut pity and kindness. Whenever she felt these two emotions for anyone, they went hand in hand with contempt. Was he contemptuous of her too? Anything would be preferable to that. Even the cynical coolness of the war days, the drunken madness that drove him the night he carried her up the stairs, his hard fingers bruising her body, or the barbed drawling words that she now realized had covered a bitter love. Anything except this impersonal kindness that was written so plainly in his face.
“啊，我的天哪，”她绝望地想，什么都行，除了同情和客气。每当她对别人怀有这两种情感时，必然有轻视跟它们连在一起。难道他也在轻视她了？只要不是那样，什么都心甘情愿。哪怕是战争时期那种冷酷的嘲讽，哪怕是他那天夜里抱她上楼时那种酒疯，抓伤她身体的那些粗暴的手指，或者，她如今才明白是掩藏着热爱的那种拖长声调的带刺的话——所有这些，都比轻视好得多。什么都行，就别是这种冷漠疏远的客气，可是那分明地写在了他脸上！
“Then—then you mean I’ve ruined it all—that you don’t love me any more?”
“那么——那么你的意思是我已经彻底把它毁了——你再也不爱我了？”
“That’s right.”
“是这样。”
“But,” she said stubbornly, like a child who still feels that to state a desire is to gain that desire, “but I love you!”
“可是——可是我爱你呢，”她固执地说，好像一个孩子，只要说出自己的期望就能实现似的。
“That’s your misfortune.”
“那就是你的不幸了。”
She looked up quickly to see if there was a jeer behind those words but there was none. He was simply stating a fact. But it was a fact she still would not believe —could not believe. She looked at him with slanting eyes that burned with a desperate obstinacy and the sudden hard line of jaw that sprang out through her soft cheek was Gerald’s jaw.
她急忙抬起头来，看看这句话背后有没有玩笑的意味，但是没有。他在简洁地陈述一个事实。不过这个事实她还是不愿接受——不能接受。她用那双翘翘的眼睛看着他，眼里燃烧着绝望而固执的神情，同时她那柔润的脸颊忽然板起来，一个像杰拉尔德那样顽强的下颚显得格外突出。
“Don’t be a fool, Rhett! I can make—”
“别犯傻了，瑞德！我能使——”
He flung up a hand in mock horror and his black brows went up in the old sardonic crescents.
他扬起一只手装出惊吓的样子，两道黑眉也耸成新月形，完全是过去那个讥讽人的模样。
“Don’t look so determined, Scarlett! You frighten me. I see you are contemplating the transfer of your tempestuous affections from Ashley to me and I fear for my liberty and my peace of mind. No, Scarlett, I will not be pursued as the luckless Ashley was pursued. Besides, I am going away.”
“别显得这样坚定嘛，思嘉！我被你吓到了。我看你是在盘算着把你对艾希礼的狂热感情转移到我身上来，可是我害怕丧失我的意志自由和平静呢。不，思嘉，我不愿像倒霉的艾希礼那样被追捕。况且，我马上就要走了。”
Her jaw trembled before she clenched her teeth to steady it. Go away? No, anything but that! How could life go on without him? Everyone had gone from her, everyone who mattered except Rhett. He couldn’t go. But how could she stop him? She was powerless against his cool mind, his disinterested words.
她的下颚在哆嗦，她急忙咬紧牙关让它镇定下来。要走？不，无论如何也不能走！没有他怎么活得下去啊？现在除了瑞德，所有对她关系重大的人都离她而去了。他不能走。可是，怎样才能把他留住呢？她无法改变他那颗冰冷的心，也驳不回那些冷漠无情的话。
“I am going away. I intended to tell you when you came home from Marietta.”
“我就要走了。你从马里塔回来的时候我就准备告诉你的。”
“You are deserting me?”
“你要抛弃我？”
“Don’t be the neglected, dramatic wife, Scarlett. The role isn’t becoming. I take it, then, you do not want a divorce or even a separation? Well, then, I’ll come back often enough to keep gossip down.”
“用不着装成一副弃妇的模样嘛，思嘉，这角色对你不合适。那么我看，你是不想离婚甚至分居了？好吧，那我就尽可能多回来走走，免得别人说闲话。”
“Damn gossip!” she said fiercely. “It’s you I want. Take me with you!”
“什么闲话不闲话！”她恶狠狠地说。“我要的是你。要走就带我一起走！”
“No,” he said, and there was finality in his voice. For a moment she was on the verge of an outburst of childish wild tears. She could have thrown herself on the floor, cursed and screamed and drummed her heels. But some remnant of pride, of common sense stiffened her. She thought, if I did, he’d only laugh, or just look at me. I mustn’t bawl; I mustn’t beg. I mustn’t do anything to risk his contempt. He must respect me even—even if he doesn’t love me.
“不，”他口气十分坚决，毫无商量的余地。刹时间她几乎要像个孩子似的号啕大哭了。她差点就要倒在地上蹬着脚跟叫骂了。好在她毕竟还有一点自尊心和常识，才克制住自己。她想，我如果那样做，他只会轻视，或者干脆袖手旁观。我决不能哭闹，也决不乞求，决不做任何叫他轻视的事，即使他已经不爱我了，我也得留着一份尊严。
She lifted her chin and managed to ask quietly: “Where will you go?”
她抬起下巴，强作镇静地问：“你要到哪里去？”
There was a faint gleam of admiration in his eyes as he answered.
他回答时眼中隐约流露出赞许的神采。
“Perhaps to England —or to Paris. Perhaps to Charleston to try to make peace with my people.”
“也许去英国——或者巴黎。但也可能先到查尔斯顿，想办法同我家里的人和解一下。”
“But you hate them! I’ve heard you laugh at them so often and—”
“可是你恨他们呢！我听你常常嘲笑他们，并且——”
He shrugged.
他耸了耸肩。
“I still laugh—but I’ve reached the end of roaming, Scarlett I’m forty-five—the age when a man begins to value some of the things he’s thrown away so lightly in youth, the clannishness of families, honor and security, roots that go deep—Oh, not I’m not recanting, I’m not regretting anything I’ve ever done. I’ve had a hell of a good time—such a hell of a good time that it’s begun to pall and now I want something different. No, I never intend to change more than my spots. But I want the outer semblance of the things I used to know, the utter boredom of respectability—other people’s respectability, my pet, not my own—the calm dignity life can have when it’s lived by gentle folks, the genial grace of days that are gone. When I lived those days I didn’t realize the slow charm of them—”
“我还在嘲笑他们——不过我已经流浪够了，思嘉。我都四十五岁了——一个人到了这个年龄，应该开始珍惜他年轻时轻易抛弃的那些东西了。比如家庭、名誉和安定，扎得很深的根基等等——哦，不，我并不是在悔过，我对于自己做过的事从不后悔。我已经好好享受过一段美好时光——多么美好的一段时光啊，现在已开始有些腻烦，想改变一下了。不，我从没打算要改变自己身上的瑕疵以外的东西。不过，我也想学学某些我看惯了外表的东西，那些令人厌烦但在社会上却很受尊敬的东西——宝贝儿，那些都是别人的，而不是我自己的——那就是绅士们生活中那种安逸高尚的风度，以及旧时代温文尔雅的美德。以前我并不懂得这些东西的潜在魅力呢——”
Again Scarlett was back in the windy orchard of Tara and there was the same look in Rhett’s eyes that had been in Ashley’s eyes that day. Ashley’s words were as clear in her ears as though he and not Rhett were speaking. Fragments of words came back to her and she quoted parrot-like: “A glamour to it—a perfection, a symmetry like Grecian art.”
思嘉再一次想起塔拉农场果园里的情景，那天艾希礼眼中的神情跟现在瑞德眼中的一模一样。艾希礼说的那些话如今清清楚楚就在她耳边，好像仍是他而不是瑞德在说似的。她记起了艾希礼话中的只言片语，便鹦鹉学舌地引用道：“它富有魅力——像古希腊艺术那样，是圆满的、完整的和匀称的。”
Rhett said sharply: “Why did you say that? That’s what I meant.”
瑞德厉声问到：“这是从哪听来的？这正是我的意思。”
“It was something that — that Ashley said once, about the old days.”
“这是——这是艾希礼从前谈到旧时代时说的。”
He shrugged and the light went out of his eyes.
他耸了耸肩，眼中的光芒消失了。
“Always Ashley,” he said and was silent for a moment.
“总是艾希礼，”他说完沉思了片刻，然后才接下去。
“Scarlett, when you are forty-five, perhaps you will know what I’m talking about and then perhaps you, too, will be tired of imitation gentry and shoddy manners and cheap emotions. But I doubt it. I think you’ll always be more attracted by glister than by gold. Anyway, I can’t wait that long to see. And I have no desire to wait. It just doesn’t interest me. I’m going to hunt in old towns and old countries where some of the old times must still linger. I’m that sentimental. Atlanta’s too raw for me, too new.”
“思嘉，等到你四十五岁的时候，也许会懂得我这些话的意思，那时你可能也对这种假装的文雅、虚伪的礼貌和廉价的感情感到厌烦了。不过我还有点怀疑。我想你是会永远只注意外表不注重实质的。反正我是活不到那时候，看不到你究竟怎样了。而且，我也不想等那么久，也不想去看。我要到旧的城镇和乡村去寻找，那里一定还残存着旧时代的某些风貌。我现在有些怀旧和伤感。亚特兰大对我来说实在太生涩太时髦了。”
“Stop,” she said suddenly. She had hardly heard anything he had said. Certainly her mind had not taken it in. But she knew she could no longer endure with any fortitude the sound of his voice when there was no love in it.
“别说了，”思嘉猛地喊道。他说的那些话她一句也没听进去。可她知道，她快受不了他那冰冷的毫无情意的声音了。
He paused and looked at her quizzically.
他只好打住，不解地看着她。
“Well, you get my meaning, don’t you?” he questioned, rising to his feet.
“那么，你懂我的意思了，嗯？”他边问边站起身来。
She threw out her hands to him, palms up, in the age-old gesture of appeal and her heart, again, was in her face.
她把两只手伸到他面前，手心朝上，这是一个古老的祈求姿势，同时她的全部感情都流露在脸上。
“No,” she cried. “All I know is that you do not love me and you are going away! Oh, my darling, if you go, what shall I do?”
“不，”她喊道。“我唯一懂得的就是你不爱我，并且你要走！唉，亲爱的，你要是走了，我怎么办呀？”
For a moment he hesitated as if debating whether a kind lie were kinder in the long run than the truth. Then he shrugged.
他迟疑了一会，仿佛在琢磨究竟一个善意的谎言是不是终究比说实话更合乎人情。然后他耸了耸肩。
“Scarlett, I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken—and I’d rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived. Perhaps, if I were younger—” he sighed. “But I’m too old to believe in such sentimentalities as clean slates and starting all over. I’m too old to shoulder the burden of constant lies that go with living in polite disillusionment. I couldn’t live with you and lie to you and I certainly couldn’t lie to myself. I can’t even lie to you now. I wish I could care what you do or where you go, but I can’t.”
“思嘉，我从来不是那样的人，不能耐心地把碎片一片一片拾起来，把它们拼合在一起，然后自欺其人地对自己说这个修补好的东西跟新的没什么两样。一个东西破碎了就是破碎了——我宁愿记住它最好时的样子，而不想把它修补好，然后终生看着那些破了的地方。也许，假如我再年轻几岁——”他叹了一口气。“可是我已经这么大年纪了，不能再相信那些纯属感情的说法，说一切都可以从头开始。我这么大年纪了，不能终生背着谎言的重负在貌似体面的幻灭中过日子。我不能跟你生活在一起同时又对你说谎，我也决不愿欺骗自己。就是现在，我也不想对你说假话！我是很想关心你今后的状况，可是我做不到。”
He drew a short breath and said lightly but softly: “My dear, I don’t give a damn.”
他暗暗吸了一口气，然后轻松而温柔地说：“亲爱的，我一切都不管了。”
She silently watched him go up the stairs, feeling that she would strangle at the pain in her throat. With the sound of his feet dying away in the upper hall was dying the last thing in the world that mattered. She knew now that there was no appeal of emotion or reason which would turn that cool brain from its verdict. She knew now that he had meant every word he said, lightly though some of them had been spoken. She knew because she sensed in him something strong, unyielding, implacable—all the qualities she had looked for in Ashley and never found.
她默默地望着他上楼，感到嗓子里痛得厉害，仿佛要窒息了。随着楼上穿堂里他的脚步声渐渐消失，她觉得这世界上对她关系重大的最后一个人也离她而去了。她此时才明白，任何情感或理智的力量都已无法使那个冷酷的头脑改变它的判决。她此时才明白，他说的每一句话都是认真的，尽管有的说得那么轻松。她明白这些，是因为她感觉到了他身上那种坚强不屈、毫不妥协和偏执恪守的品质——所有这些品质她都从艾希礼身上寻找过，可是没有找到。
She had never understood either of the men she had loved and so she had lost them both. Now, she had a fumbling knowledge that, had she ever understood Ashley, she would never have loved him; had she ever understood Rhett, she would never have lost him. She wondered forlornly if she had ever really understood anyone in the world.
她对她所爱过的两个男人哪一个都不了解，因而到头来两个都失掉了。现在她才恍然大悟，假如她当初了解艾希礼，她是决不会爱他的；而假如她了解了瑞德，她就无论如何不会失掉他。此时她陷入了绝望的迷惘之中，不知这世界上究竟有没有一个人是她真正了解的。
There was a merciful dullness in her mind now, a dullness that she knew from long experience would soon give way to sharp pain, even as severed tissues, shocked by the surgeon’s knife, have a brief instant of insensibility before their agony begins.
此刻她心里是一片恍恍惚惚的麻木，按照以往的经验，这种麻木会很快变成剧痛，就像皮肉被手术刀切开时，最初的一刹是没有感觉的，但马上就会剧痛起来。
“I won’t think of it now,” she thought grimly, summoning up her old charm. “I’ll go crazy if I think about losing him now. I’ll think of it tomorrow.”
“我现在不去想它。”她暗自思忖，准备使用那个老法宝。“我要是现在来想失掉他的事，那就会痛苦得发疯呢。还是明天再想吧。”
“But,” cried her heart, casting aside the charm and beginning to ache, “I can’t let him go! There must be some way!”
“可是，”她的心在叫喊，它丢掉那个法宝，开始剧痛起来，“我不能让他走！一定会有办法的！”
“I won’t think of it now,” she said again, aloud, trying to push her misery to the back of her mind, trying to find some bulwark against the rising tide of pain. “I’ll—why, I’ll go home to Tara tomorrow,” and her spirits lifted faintly.
“我现在不想它，”她又说，说得很响，试着把痛苦推向脑后，或找个什么东西把它挡住。“我要——怎么，我要回塔拉去，明天就走，”这样，她的精神又稍稍振作一点。
She had gone back to Tara once in fear and defeat and she had emerged from its sheltering walls strong and armed for victory. What she had done once, somehow—please God, she could do again!
她曾经怀着惊恐和沮丧的心情回到塔拉过，后来在它的庇护下恢复了，又坚强地武装起来，重新投入战斗。凡是她以前做过的，无论怎样——请上帝保佑，她还能再来一次！
How, she did not know. She did not want to think of that now. All she wanted was a breathing space in which to hurt, a quiet place to lick her wounds, a haven in which to plan her campaign. She thought of Tara and it was as if a gentle cool hand were stealing over her heart. She could see the white house gleaming welcome to her through the reddening autumn leaves, feel the quiet hush of the country twilight coming down over her like a benediction, feel the dews falling on the acres of green bushes starred with fleecy white, see the raw color of the red earth and the dismal dark beauty of the pines on the rolling hills.
至于怎么做，她还不清楚。她现在不打算考虑这些。她唯一需要的是有个歇息的空间来熬受痛苦，有个宁静的地方来舔她的伤口，有个避难所来酝酿下一个战役。她一想到塔拉就似乎有一只温柔而冷静的手在悄悄抚摸她的心似的。她看得到那幢雪白发亮的房子在萧红秋叶的掩映中向她招手，感觉得到乡野黄昏的宁静气氛像祈祷时的幸福感一样包裹在她周围，触碰得到落在广袤绿白相映的棉花田中的晶莹露珠，看得见连绵起伏山丘上那裸露的红土地和郁郁葱葱的松树林。
She felt vaguely comforted, strengthened by the picture, and some of her hurt and frantic regret was pushed from the top of her mind. She stood for a moment remembering small things, the avenue of dark cedars leading to Tara, the banks of cape jessamine bushes, vivid green against the white walls, the fluttering white curtains. And Mammy would be there. Suddenly she wanted Mammy desperately, as she had wanted her when she was a little girl, wanted the broad bosom on which to lay her head, the gnarled black hand on her hair. Mammy, the last link with the old days.
她从这幅图景中受到了鼓舞，内心隐隐约约得到了宽慰，因此心头的痛苦和悔恨也减轻了一些。她站了一会，回忆着一些琐碎的画面，如通向塔拉的那条古柏森森的夹道，那茉莉芳馥的花香，那草长莺飞的绿茵，那白花点缀的围墙，以及在窗口拂动着的帘幔，嬷嬷一定在那里。她突然特别想见嬷嬷，就像她小时候需要她那样，需要她那宽阔的胸膛，好让她把头伏在上面，需要她那粗糙的大手来抚摩她的头发。嬷嬷，这个与旧时代相连的最后一个环节啊！
With the spirit of her people who would not know defeat, even when it stared them in the face, she raised her chin. She could get Rhett back. She knew she could. There had never been a man she couldn’t get, once she set her mind upon him.
她的家族向来不承认失败，哪怕失败就在眼前。如今凭着这种精神，她昂起头来。她能让瑞德回心转意，她知道她可以的。世上没有哪个男人是她得不到的，只要她花点心思就是了。
“I’ll think of it all tomorrow, at Tara. I can stand it then. Tomorrow, I’ll think of some way to get him back. After all, tomorrow is another day.”
“我明天回塔拉再想吧。那时我就能经受一切了。明天，我会想出一个办法把他弄回来。毕竟，明天就是另一天了。”
说着，他的两只手果真放到了她的脑袋两旁，在披散的发下，使劲抚摸着，把她的脸抬起来仰朝着他。她注视那张陌生的脸，一个喝得烂醉、用拖长的声调说话的陌生人的脸。她是从来不缺乏那种本能的勇气的，面临危险时她会立刻生出这种勇气来，使她挺直脊梁，眯细眼睛，随时准备投入战斗。
“You drunken fool,” she said. “Take your hands off me.”
“你这个糊涂的醉鬼，”她说，“快把手放下。”
To her surprise, he did so and seating himself on the edge of the table he poured himself another drink.
叫她惊讶的是他果然把手放下了，然后坐到桌子边上，又给自己斟了一杯酒。
“I have always admired your spirit, my dear. Never more than now when you are cornered.”
“我一向佩服你的勇气，亲爱的。特别是现在，当你被逼得走投无路的时候。”
She drew her wrapper close about her body. Oh, if she could only reach her room and turn the key in the stout door and be alone. Somehow, she must stand him off, bully him into submission, this Rhett she had never seen before. She rose without haste, though her knees shook, tightened the wrapper across her hips and threw back her hair from her face.
她用披肩把身子裹紧了一些，心想，要是现在能回到卧室里，把门锁起来，一个人待在里面，那该多么好啊。如今她总要把他顶回去，把他摆平，这个她以前从没见过的瑞德。她不慌不忙地站起身来，尽管两个膝盖在哆嗦，又将披肩围着大腿裹紧，然后理开脸上的头发。
“I’m not cornered,” she said cuttingly. “You’ll never corner me, Rhett Butler, or frighten me. You are nothing but a drunken beast who’s been with bad women so long that you can’t understand anything else but badness. You can’t understand Ashley or me. You’ve lived in dirt too long to know anything else. You are jealous of something you can’t understand. Good night.”
“我并不感到走投无路，”她尖刻地说，“瑞德•巴特勒，你永远也休想逼我就范，也别想把我吓倒。你只不过是只喝醉了的野兽，跟一些坏女人鬼混得太久，便把谁都看成坏人，别的什么也不懂。你既不了解艾希礼，也不了解我。你在污秽的地方待惯了，除了龌龊事什么也不懂。你是在妒嫉某些你无法理解的东西。明天见。”
She turned casually and started toward the door and a burst of laughter stopped her. She turned and he swayed across the room toward her. Name of God, if he would only stop that terrible laugh! What was there to laugh about in all of this? As he came toward her, she backed toward the door and found herself against the wall. He put his hands heavily upon her and pinned her shoulders to the wall.
她从容地转过身，向门口走去，这时一阵大笑使她收住了脚步。她转过头一看，只见他正摇摇晃晃向她走过来。天啊，但愿他不要那样可怕地大笑啊！这一切有什么好笑的啊？可是他一步步地向她逼近，她一步步向门后退，最后发现已经退到墙边了。他伸出一双大手把她按到墙上。
“Stop laughing.”
“别笑了。”
“I am laughing because I am so sorry for you.”
“我这样笑是为你难过呢。”
“Sorry—for me? Be sorry for yourself.”
“难过——为我，你是在为自己难过吧。”
“Yes, by God, I’m sorry for you, my dear, my pretty little fool. That hurts, doesn’t it? You can’t stand either laughter or pity, can you?”
“是的，上帝作证，我为你难过，亲爱的，我的漂亮的小傻瓜。你觉得受不了，是不是？你既经不起笑又经不起怜悯，对吗？”
He stopped laughing, leaning so heavily against her shoulders that they ached. His face changed and he leaned so close to her that the heavy whisky smell of his breath made her turn her head.
他止住笑声，将身子沉重地靠在她肩膀上，她感到肩都痛了。他的表情也发生了变化，而且凑得那么近，嘴里那股浓烈的威士忌味叫她不得不背过脸去。
“Jealous, am I?” he said. “And why not? Oh, yes, I’m jealous of Ashley Wilkes. Why not? Oh, don’t try to talk and explain. I know you’ve been physically faithful to me. Was that what you were trying to say? Oh, I’ve known that all along. All these years. How do I know? Oh, well, I know Ashley Wilkes and his breed. I know he is honorable and a gentleman. And that my dear, is more than I can say for you—or for me, for that matter. We are not gentlemen and we have no honor, have we? That’s why we flourish like green bay trees.”
“妒忌，我真的这样？”他说。“可怎么不呢？唔，真的，我妒忌艾希礼•威尔克斯。怎么不呢？唔，你不要说话，不用解释了。我知道你在肉体上是对我忠实的。你想说的就是这个吗？哦，这一点我一直很清楚。这些年来一直是这样。我怎么知道的？哦，你瞧，我了解艾希礼的为人和他的教养。我知道他是正直的，是个上等人。而且，亲爱的，这一点我不仅可以替你说——或者替我说，为那件事情本身说。我们不是上等人，我们没有什么可敬的地方，不是吗？这就是我们能够像翠绿的月桂树一般茂盛的缘故呢。”
“Let me go. I won’t stand here and be insulted.”
“让我走。我不要站在这里受你的侮辱。”
“I’m not insulting you. I’m praising your physical virtue. And it hasn’t fooled me one bit. You think men are such fools, Scarlett. It never pays to underestimate your opponent’s strength and intelligence. And I’m not a fool. Don’t you suppose I know that you’ve lain in my arms and pretended I was Ashley Wilkes?”
“我不是在侮辱你。我是在赞扬你肉体上的贞操。它一点也没有愚弄我。思嘉，你以为男人都那么傻吗？把你对手的力量和智慧估计得太低是绝没有好处的。我并不是个傻子。你当我不知道你躺在我的怀里却把我当作艾希礼•威尔克斯吗？”
Her jaw dropped and fear and astonishment were written plainly in her face.
她耷拉着下颚，恐惧和惊愕分明地写在脸上。
“Pleasant thing, that. Rather ghostly, in fact. Like having three in a bed where there ought to be just two.” He shook her shoulders, ever so slightly, hiccoughed and smiled mockingly.
“那是很有趣的事，其实还挺刺激。好像三个人睡在了本应该只有两个人的床上。”他摇着她的肩膀，那么轻轻地，一面打着嗝儿，嘲讽地微笑着。
“Oh, yes, you’ve been faithful to me because Ashley wouldn’t have you. But, hell, I wouldn’t have grudged him your body. I know how little bodies mean—especially women’s bodies. But I do grudge him your heart and your dear, hard, unscrupulous, stubborn mind. He doesn’t want your mind, the fool, and I don’t want your body. I can buy women cheap. But I do want your mind and your heart, and I’ll never have them, any more than you’ll ever have Ashley’s mind. And that’s why I’m sorry for you.”
“哦，是的，你对我忠实，因为艾希礼不想要你。不过，该死的，我才不会妒嫉艾希礼占有你的肉体呢？我知道肉体没多大意思——尤其是女人的肉体。但是，对于他占有你的感情和你那可爱的、冷酷的、不如廉耻的、顽固的心，我倒的确有些妒嫉。他并不要你的心，那傻瓜，可我也不要你的肉体。我不用花多少钱就能买到女人。不过，我的确想要你的情感和心，可是我却永远得不到它们，就像你永远得不到艾希礼的心一样。这就是我为你难过的地方。”
Even through her fear and bewilderment, his sneer stung.
尽管她觉得害怕和迷乱，但他的讥讽仍刺痛了她。
“Sorry—for me?”
“难过——为我？”
“Yes, sorry because you’re such a child, Scarlett. A child crying for the moon. What would a child do with the moon if it got it? And what would you do with Ashley? Yes, I’m sorry for you—sorry to see you throwing away happiness with both hands and reaching out for something that would never make you happy. I’m sorry because you are such a fool you don’t know there can’t ever be happiness except when like mates like. If I were dead, if Miss Melly were dead and you had your precious honorable lover, do you think you’d be happy with him? Hell, no! You would never know him, never know what he was thinking about, never understand him any more than you understand music and poetry and books or anything that isn’t dollars and cents. Whereas, we, dear wife of my bosom, could have been perfectly happy if you had ever given us half a chance, for we are so much alike. We are both scoundrels, Scarlett, and nothing is beyond us when we want something. We could have been happy, for I loved you and I know you, Scarlett, down to your bones, in a way that Ashley could never know you. And he would despise you if he did know... But no, you must go mooning all your life after a man you cannot understand. And I, my darling, will continue to moon after whores. And, I dare say we’ll do better than most couples.”
“是的，因为你真像个孩子，思嘉。一个小孩哭喊着要月亮，可是假如他真的有了月亮，他拿它来做什么用呢？同样，你拿艾希礼来做什么用？是的，我为你难过——看到你把自己的幸福拱手相让，却追求一些根本不会让你幸福的东西。我为你难过，因为你是这样一个傻瓜，竟不懂得彼此相似配偶之间的默契和快乐才是最大的幸福。如果我死了，媚兰死了，你得到了你那个宝贵的体面的情人，你以为你跟他在一起就幸福了？呸，不会的！你永远不会了解他，永远不理解他心里在想些什么，永远不懂得他的为人，犹如你不懂音乐、诗歌、书籍以及除了金钱以外的所有东西一样。而我们呢，我亲爱的知心太太，我们却可以过得很快乐。我们俩都是流氓，心里想什么就做什么，丝毫无所顾忌。我们本可以快快活活地过日子，因为我爱你，也了解你，思嘉，深入骨髓地了解你，这决不是艾希礼所能做到的。而他呢，他如果真正了解你，就会看不起你了……可不，你偏要一辈子痴心妄想地追求一个你不了解的男人。至于我呢，亲爱的，我只得继续和不三不四的女人混在一起。而且，我敢说，我们俩可以比别人都天长地久呢。”
He released her abruptly and made a weaving way back toward the decanter. For a moment, Scarlett stood rooted, thoughts tearing in and out of her mind so swiftly that she could seize none of them long enough to examine them. Rhett had said he loved her. Did he mean it? Or was he merely drunk? Or was this one of his horrible jokes? And Ashley—the moon—crying for the moon. She ran swiftly into the dark hall, fleeing as though demons were upon her. Oh, if she could only reach her room! She turned her ankle and the slipper fell half off. As she stopped to kick it loose frantically, Rhett, running lightly as an Indian, was beside her in the dark. His breath was not on her face and his hands went round her roughly, under the wrapper, against her bare skin.
他突然把她放开，然后摇摇晃晃地退到桌旁去拿酒瓶。思嘉像生了根似的站了一会儿，种种纷乱的想法在她脑袋里涌现，可是她一个也没有抓住，更来不及仔细琢磨。瑞德说过他爱她。他真的是这意思吗？还是只是醉后之言？或者这又是一个可怕的玩笑？而艾希礼——哭着要的那个月亮——真的只是个月亮吗？她迅速跑到黑暗的门厅，仿佛在逃避背后的恶魔似的。唉，她恨不得马上回到自己的房里去！这时她的脚脖子一扭，拖鞋都快掉了。她停下来拼命想把拖鞋甩正，这时瑞德像个印第安人偷偷地跟到了她身后。他那炽热的呼吸没有朝她的脸袭去，他的双手粗暴地伸到她的披肩底下，紧贴着赤裸的肌肤，把她抱住了。
“You turned me out on the town while you chased him. By God, this is one night when there are only going to be two in my bed.”
“你把我撵到大街上，自己却跑去追求他。今晚无论如何也不行，我床上只容两个人。”
He swung her off her feet into his arms and started up the stairs. Her head was crushed against his chest and she heard the hard hammering of his heart beneath her ears. He hurt her and she cried out, muffled, frightened. Up the stairs, he went in the utter darkness, up, up, and she was wild with fear. He was a mad stranger and this was a black darkness she did not know, darker than death. He was like death, carrying her away in arms that hurt. She screamed, stifled against him and he stopped suddenly on the landing and, turning her swiftly in his arms, bent over and kissed her with a savagery and a completeness that wiped out everything from her mind but the dark into which she was sinking and the lips on hers. He was shaking, as though he stood in a strong wind, and his lips, traveling from her mouth downward to where the wrapper had fallen from her body, fell on her soft flesh. He was muttering things she did not hear, his lips were evoking feelings never felt before. She was darkness and he was darkness and there had never been anything before this time, only darkness and his lips upon her. She tried to speak and his mouth was over hers again. Suddenly she had a wild thrill such as she had never known; joy, fear, madness, excitement, surrender to arms that were too strong, lips too bruising, fate that moved too fast. For the first time in her life she had met someone, something stronger than she, someone she could neither bully nor break, someone who was bullying and breaking her. Somehow, her arms were around his neck and her lips trembling beneath his and they were going up, up into the darkness again, a darkness that was soft and swirling and all enveloping.
他猛地将她抱起，随即上楼。她的头被紧紧夹在他胸脯上，听得见他心脏的怦怦急跳。她被他夹痛了，便大声喊叫，可声音好像被闷住了似的，显得十分惶恐。上楼梯时，周围一片黑暗，他一步步走上去，她吓得快疯了。他成了一个疯狂的陌生人，而这种情况是她从来没有经历过的，它比死亡还可怕。他就像死亡一样，狠狠地抱着她，要把她带走。她尖叫起来，但声音被他的身子捂住了。这时他突然在楼梯顶停住了脚，迅速将她翻过身来，然后俯下去吻她，那么狂热、尽情地吻她，把她心头的一切都抹得一干二净，只剩下那个使她不断往下沉的黑暗深渊和压着她的那对双唇。他在发抖，好像站在狂风中似的，而他的嘴唇在到处移动，从她的嘴上移到那披肩从她身上掉落的地方，她那柔润的肌肤上。他的嘴里嘀嘀咕咕，但她什么也没听见，因为他的嘴唇正唤起她从没有过的激情。她被吻得没有思考和喘息的空隙，只剩脑子里的一片空白和他那紧压着她的嘴唇。她想说话，可他的嘴又压下来。突然她感到一阵从没有过的狂热刺激，那是快乐和恐惧、疯狂和兴奋，是对一双过于强大的胳膊、两片过于粗暴的嘴唇以及来得过于迅猛的命运的屈服。她有生以来第一次遇到了一个比她更强有力的人，一个她既不能给以威胁也不能压服的人，一个正在威胁她和压服她的人。不知为什么，她的两只胳臂已抱住了他的脖子，她的嘴唇已在他唇下颤抖，他们在那片朦胧的黑暗中上升，上升，那是一片柔软的、漩涡般的、吞噬一切的黑暗。
He had humbled her, hurt her, used her brutally through a wild mad night and she had gloried in it.
他在一个狂乱的夜晚征服了她，挫伤了她，虐待了她，而她对此却十分兴奋呢。
Oh, she should be ashamed, should shrink from the very memory of the hot swirling darkness! A lady, a real lady, could never hold up her head after such a night. But, stronger than shame, was the memory of rapture, of the ecstasy of surrender. For the first time in her life she had felt alive, felt passion as sweeping and primitive as the fear she had known the night she fled Atlanta, as dizzy sweet as the cold hate when she had shot the Yankee.
哦，她应当感到羞耻，应当一想起那个狂热的、漩涡般的消魂时刻就心惊胆战！一个夫人，一个有身份的夫人，经历了那样一个夜晚以后便再也抬不起头来了。可是，比羞耻感更强的是陶醉于那种狂热、那种消魂和被征服的体验。她有生以来第一次找到了人生的真谛，第一次感到了真正的情欲，这种情欲是原始的、强烈的，和她逃离亚特兰大那天晚上所经历的那种席卷一切的本能和恐惧是一样的，同时又是令人晕眩而甜蜜的，就像她打死那个北方佬时宣泄那种仇恨一样。
When she thought of meeting him again, face to face in the sober light of day, a nervous tingling embarrassment that carried with it an exciting pleasure enveloped her.
她想到还要在大白天面对面地同他相见，便陷入了一种紧张和局促不安当中，当然其中也有兴奋和喜悦之情。
“Oh, spare me your moral indignation. You never gave a damn what I did as long as I paid the bills. And you know I’ve been no angel recently. And as for you being my wife—you haven’t been much of a wife since Bonnie came, have you? You’ve been a poor investment, Scarlett. Belle’s been a better one.”
“哦，请饶了我，别给我上这道德课了。你只要我付清那些账单，就无论我做什么都一概不管了。你也知道我最近不怎么规矩。至于你是我的妻子嘛——自从生下邦妮以后，你就不大像个妻子了，你说对吗？思嘉，你已经是个折本的投资对象了，贝尔都比你强。”
“If you were a man, I would break your neck for that. As it is, all I can say is for you to shut your God-damn mouth. Do you think I do not love Bonnie, that I would take her where—my daughter! Good God, you fool! And as for you, giving yourself pious airs about your motherhood, why, a cat’s a better mother than you! What have you ever done for the children? Wade and Ella are frightened to death of you and if it wasn’t for Melanie Wilkes, they’d never know what love and affection are. But Bonnie, my Bonnie! Do you think I can’t take better care of her than you? Do you think I’ll ever let you bully her and break her spirit, as you’ve broken Wade’s and Ella’s? Hell, no! Have her packed up and ready for me in an hour or I warn you what happened the other night will be mild beside what will happen. I’ve always thought a good lashing with a buggy whip would benefit you immensely.”
“你如果是个男人，我就把你的脖子先拧断再说。现在我警告你闭上你那张臭嘴。你以为我不爱邦妮，会把她带到那种地方——她是我的女儿！我的天，你这傻逼！至于你，你把做母亲的假虔诚摆给你自己去吧。不是吗，作为一个母亲，你还不如一只猫呢！你啥时候给孩子们做过些什么？韦德和爱拉看见你就怕得要命，要是没有媚兰，他们连什么叫爱和亲密都不知道呢。可是邦妮，我的邦妮！你以为我会照顾得不如你吗？你以为我会让你去威胁她，伤害她的心灵，像你对韦德和爱拉那样吗？见鬼去吧，想都别想！快替她收拾好，让我一个小时后便能动身，否则我警告你，后果会比前两天那个晚上要严重得多。我时常觉得，用鞭子结结实实抽你一顿会对你大有好处呢。”
With one of the few adult emotions Scarlett had ever had, she realized that to unburden her own tortured heart would be the purest selfishness. She would be ridding herself of her burden and laying it on the heart of an innocent and trusting person.
思嘉到底也懂一点人情世故，她意识到如果这样摆脱内心的煎熬就是最彻底的自私了。好像是认罪，却把痛楚转嫁到一个无辜的、信任别人的人心上。
His helplessness in the face of the present situation irked her. She did not know what he could do to better matters but she felt that he should do something. Rhett would have done something. Rhett always did something, even if it was the wrong thing, and she unwillingly respected him for it.
他脸上那种对目前局面无可奈何的神情，她看着都烦。她不知道他怎样才能改善这个局面，但认为他总该想点办法的。要是瑞德，他早就采取措施了。瑞德总能想出办法来，哪怕是不正当的办法，这点上她尽管心中不乐意可还是非常佩服他的。
The mills were the tangible evidence of what she had done, unaided and against great odds, and she was proud of them and of herself.
这两个木厂是她的成就的具体证明，而她是在只身打拼和排除万难的情况下取得的这一切的，因此她为它们和自己感到骄傲。
His eyes now followed Bonnie. It was as though the swift flood of his life had been diverted into one narrow channel.
现在却整天盯着邦妮。仿佛他的生活的洪流被引入了一条狭窄的河道。
There was joy then, excitement too, but of a different sort from that which seized the town when Bullock took to his heels. This was a more sober heartfelt joy, a deep-souled feeling of thanksgiving.
那又是一番欢欣鼓舞。不过跟布洛克出逃后那次全城震动不一样，这次是一种很清醒的衷心喜悦，一种发自灵魂深处的感恩之情。
He was her god, the center of her small world, and that was too precious for him to risk losing by reprimands.
他是她心目的上帝，是她小小世界的中心，这对他实在太宝贵了，他决不敢冒丧失这一地位的风险去训斥她。
It amused and touched Scarlett to see the iron hand with which her small child ruled her father. Who would have thought that Rhett, of all people, would take fatherhood so seriously? But sometimes a dart of jealousy went through Scarlett because Bonnie, at the age of four, understood Rhett better than she had ever understood him and could manage him better than she had ever managed him.
思嘉眼看自己的女儿用一只小手牢牢地控制着她的父亲，心里又高兴又感动。有谁能像瑞德这样一条汉子做起父亲来会如此严肃而认真呢？不过，有时候思嘉也心生妒忌，因为邦妮刚刚四岁，却比她更加了解瑞德，更能驾驭他。
Watch me take this one!
瞧我这一下！
Memory rang a bell far back in Scarlett’s mind. There was something ominous about those words. What was it? Why couldn’t she remember? She looked down at her small daughter, so lightly poised on the galloping pony and her brow wrinkled as a chill swept swiftly through her breast. Bonnie came on with a rush, her crisp black curls jerking, her blue eyes blazing.
记忆在思嘉心灵的深处隐隐发出回响。这句话里似乎有种不祥的意味。那是什么呢？怎么记不起来了？她俯视着她的小女儿那么轻盈地坐在飞奔的小马上，这时一丝凄冷突然掠过她的胸坎。邦妮猛冲过来，她那波浪般的鬈发在头上螦动着，天蓝色的眼睛闪闪发亮。
“They are like Pa’s eyes,” thought Scarlett, “Irish blue eyes and she’s just like him in every way.”
“这活像爸爸的眼睛，爱尔兰人的蓝眼睛，”思嘉心想，“她哪里都像爸爸呢。”
And, as she thought of Gerald, the memory for which she had been rumbling came to her swiftly, came with the heart stopping clarity of summer lightning, throwing, for an instant, a whole countryside into unnatural brightness. She could hear an Irish voice singing, hear the hard rapid pounding of hooves coming up the pasture hill at Tara, hear a reckless voice, so like the voice of her child: “Ellen! Watch me take this one!”
她一想起杰拉尔德，那正在苦苦搜索的记忆便像令人心悸的夏日闪电般霍然出现，顿时把一整幅乡村画面闪得雪亮。她听见一个爱尔兰嗓音在歌唱，听见从塔拉疾驰而来的马蹄声，听见一个跟她孩子相似的鲁莽呼喊：“爱伦，瞧我这一下吧！”
Her own life was so pleasant, so sheltered, so wrapped about with people who loved her, so full of kindness that what Mammy told her was almost beyond comprehension or belief.
她自己的生活是那么美好，那么安宁，那么为周围的人所爱护，那么充满着相互间真挚而亲切的关怀，因此她对于嬷嬷所说的一切简直难以理解、无法相信。
Never before had it occurred to her that she needed Melanie. But now, the truth surged in, down to the deepest recesses of her soul. She had relied on Melanie, even as she had relied upon herself, and she had never known it. Now, Melanie was dying and Scarlett knew she could not get along without her.
她以前从没想过自己会需要媚兰。可如今真理终于显出，在她灵魂的最深处显现了。她一向依恃着媚兰，并不亚于依恃她自己，只是以前没有意识到。现在媚兰快死了，思嘉才终于明白，没有她，自己是过不下去的。
Melanie managed a small smile but it was a triumphant one as her eyes met Scarlett’s again. Their glance sealed the bargain that the protection of Ashley Wilkes from a too harsh world was passing from one woman to another and that Ashley’s masculine pride should never be humbled by this knowledge.
媚兰尽力露出一丝放心的隐隐的微笑，这是一个胜利的微笑，同时她的目光和思嘉的目光又一次相遇了。她们彼此交换眼神的一刻便订下了一个契约，那就是，保护艾希礼不被这过于残酷的世界摧残的责任从一个女人移交到了另一个女人身上。同时，为了维护艾希礼男性的自尊，决不让他知道这件事。
Suddenly it was as if Ellen were lying behind that closed door, leaving the world for a second time. Suddenly she was standing at Tara again with the world about her ears, desolate with the knowledge that she could not face life without the terrible strength of the weak, the gentle, the tender hearted.
突然，她觉得那关着的门里躺着的好像就是她母亲，她在第二次告别这个世界。突然她又站在了塔拉，周围的人都在议论，而她感到十分孤独，她知道失去了那个柔弱、文雅而仁慈善良的人的非凡力量，她是无法面对生活的。
She felt exhausted in body and drained of emotions. Now she felt no sorrow or remorse, no fear or amazement. She was tired and her mind ticked away dully, mechanically, as the clock on the mantel.
她觉得自己已筋疲力尽、感情枯竭，已没有了悲伤和悔恨，没有了恐惧和惊异。她疲倦，她的心在迟钝地机械地跳动，就像壁炉台上那老座钟一样。
“I loved something I made up, something that’s just as dead as Melly is. I made a pretty suit of clothes and fell in love with it. And when Ashley came riding along, so handsome, so different, I put that suit on him and made him wear it whether it fitted him or not. And I wouldn’t see what he really was. I kept on loving the pretty clothes—and not him at all. ”
“我爱的是某个我自己虚构的东西，而那个东西就像媚兰一样死了。我缝制了一套美丽的衣服，并且爱上了它。后来艾希礼骑着马跑来，他显得那么漂亮，那么与众不同，我便把那套衣服给他穿上，也不管他穿了合适不合适。我不想看清楚他究竟什么样。我一直爱着那套美丽的衣服——而根本不是他这个人。”
Now she could look back down the long years and see herself in green flowered dimity, standing in the sunshine at Tara, thrilled by the young horseman with his blond hair shining like a silver helmet. She could see so clearly now that he was only a childish fancy, no more important really than her spoiled desire for the aquamarine earbobs she had coaxed out of Gerald. For, once she owned the earbobs, they had lost their value, as everything except money lost its value once it was hers. And so he, too, would have become cheap if, in those first far-away days, she had ever had the satisfaction of refusing to marry him. If she had ever had him at her mercy, seen him grown passionate, importunate, jealous, sulky, pleading, like the other boys, the wild infatuation which had possessed her would have passed, blowing away as lightly as mist before sunshine and light wind when she met a new man.
于是她追忆到许多年前，仿佛看见她自己穿一件绿底白花细布衣裳站在塔拉的阳光下，被那位骑在马上金光闪闪的青年吸引住了。如今她已经清楚地看到，他只不过是她自己的一个幼稚的幻影，并不比她从杰拉尔德手里哄到的那副海蓝宝石耳坠更加稀罕。那副耳坠她也曾热烈地向往过，可是一旦得到了，也就没觉得它们有什么可贵的了，就像除金钱以外的所有东西那样，一旦得到了就失去了价值。艾希礼也是这样，假使她在那些遥远的日子最初就拒绝了他而满足了自己的虚荣心，他也早就不会有什么价值了。假如她也曾支配过他，看到他也像别的男孩子那样从热烈、焦急发展到嫉妒、愠怒、乞求，那么，当她遇到一个新的男人时，她那一度狂热的迷恋也就会随之消失，就好像一片迷雾在太阳出现和轻风吹来时很快烟消云散一样。
她爱的，只是想像中的艾希礼。她放不下的，只是艾希礼的不爱她。
It was Rhett—Rhett who had strong arms to hold her, a broad chest to pillow her tired head, jeering laughter to pull her affairs into proper perspective. And complete understanding, because he, like her, saw truth as truth, unobstructed by impractical notions of honor, sacrifice, or high belief in human nature. He loved her! Why hadn’t she realized that he loved her, for all his taunting remarks to the contrary? Melanie had seen it and with her last breath had said, “Be kind to him.”
那是瑞德——瑞德有强壮的臂膀可以拥抱她，有宽阔的胸膛给她疲倦的脑袋当枕头，有嘲讽的笑声使她用冷静恰当的眼光来看事物。而且还有全面的理解力，因为他跟她一样，凡事讲求实际，不会被不切实际的观念如荣耀、牺牲或对人性的过分信赖所蒙蔽。而且他爱她呢！她怎么没有意识到，尽管他常泼她冷水，但却还是爱她的呀！媚兰看到了这一点，临死时还说过：“要好好待瑞德。”
For years she had had her back against the stone wall of Rhett’s love and had taken it as much for granted as she had taken Melanie’s love, flattering herself that she drew her strength from herself alone. And even as she had realized earlier in the evening that Melanie had been beside her in her bitter campaigns against life, now she knew that silent in the background, Rhett had stood, loving her, understanding her, ready to help. Rhett at the bazaar, reading her impatience in her eyes and leading her out in the reel, Rhett helping her out of the bondage of mourning, Rhett convoying her through the fire and explosions the night Atlanta fell, Rhett lending her the money that gave her her start, Rhett who comforted her when she woke in the nights crying with fright from her dreams—why, no man did such things without loving a woman to distraction!
许多年来，她一直倚靠在瑞德这堵爱的石壁上，并把这看作理所当然的，就像对媚兰的爱那样，还洋洋得意地认为那是凭她自己的力量呢。就像当天晚上她明白了在她与生活进行的几次搏斗中媚兰始终站在她身边，此刻她懂得瑞德也悄悄地站在背后，爱着她，理解着她，随时准备帮助她。在那次义卖会上，瑞德看出了她不甘心寂寞的心情，便把她领出来跳苏格兰舞，瑞德帮助她摆脱了服丧的束缚，瑞德在亚特兰大陷落那天晚上护送她逃出了炮火连天的险境，瑞德借给她钱让她起家，瑞德听见她从那个恶梦中吓得哭醒时给她以安慰——怎么，一个男人要不是对一个女人爱得发疯，能做出这样的事吗？
“Rhett has never let me down, even that dreadful night of Melly’s reception when he ought to have wrung my neck. Even when he left me on the road the night Atlanta fell, he knew I’d be safe. He knew I’d get through somehow. Even when he acted like he was going to make me pay to get that money from him at the Yankee camp. He wouldn’t have taken me. He was just testing me. He’s loved me all along and I’ve been so mean to him. Time and again, I’ve hurt him and he was too proud to show it. And when Bonnie died—Oh, how could I?”
“瑞德却从没有辜负过我，即使在媚兰举行招待会的那个可怕的晚上，他本该掐死我的。即使在亚特兰大陷落那天晚上把我丢在半路，那是因为他知道我已经安全了，他知道我总会闯出去的。即使当我在北方佬营地里向他借钱时，他好像要我用身体做担保，其实他并不想要我这个担保，只是逗我玩罢了。他一直在爱着我，可我却一直待他那么坏。我屡次伤害他的感情，而他却那样爱面子，从不表现出来。后来邦妮死了——唉，我怎么能那样啊？”
“She was the only completely kind person I ever knew.”
“她是我所认识的唯一完美的好人。”
His somber gaze went past her and in his eyes was the same look she had seen in the light of the flames the night Atlanta fell, when he told her he was going off with the retreating army—the surprise of a man who knows himself utterly, yet discovers in himself unexpected loyalties and emotions and feels a faint self-ridicule at the discovery.
他那忧郁的目光越过她向前凝望，眼睛里流露的神情，跟亚特兰大陷落那天晚上她在火光中看到的一模一样，那时他告诉她，他要跟那些刚撤的部队一起走了——这是一个彻底了解自己的人出其不意的举动，他忽然从他自己身上发现了意外的忠诚和激情，并对这一发现产生了微带自嘲的感觉。
He was bitter at her long neglect, of course he was mistrustful of her sudden turnabout. She would have to woo him with kindness, convince him with a rich outpouring of love, and what a pleasure it would be to do it!
他为她长期的冷淡而感到痛心，对她突然的转变当然要怀疑。她还得亲切地讨他的欢心，热烈地爱他，才能使他相信。而这样做也会很有趣呢！
“If you must see him as he really is, see him straight. He’s only a gentleman caught in a world he doesn’t belong in, trying to make a poor best of it by the rules of the world that’s gone.”
“如果你真要看清他是怎样一个人，就不能带有偏见。他是个上等人，只不过被他所不能适应的这个世界给蒙骗了，可是他还按照过去那个世界的规律在白费力气地挣扎。”
“Did it ever occur to you that even the most deathless love could wear out?”
“你想过没有，哪怕最坚贞不渝的爱情也有被消磨干净的一天。”
“Mine wore out,” he went on, “against Ashley Wilkes and your insane obstinacy that makes you hold on like a bulldog to anything you think you want… Mine wore out.”
“我的爱已经消耗殆尽了，”他继续说，“被艾希礼•威尔克斯和你那股疯狂的固执劲儿消磨干净了。你固执得像只斗牛犬，抓住你认为自己想要的东西死不罢休……我的爱已经磨没了。”
“You’re so brutal to those who love you, Scarlett. You take their love and hold it over their heads like a whip.”
“思嘉，你对那些爱你的人真的很残酷。你接受他们的爱，把它作为鞭子举在他们头上。”
“I knew you didn’t love me when I married you. I knew about Ashley, you see. But, fool that I was, I thought I could make you care. Laugh, if you like, but I wanted to take care of you, to pet you, to give you everything you wanted. I wanted to marry you and protect you and give you a free rein in anything that would make you happy—just as I did Bonnie. You’d had such a struggle, Scarlett No one knew better than I what you’d gone through and I wanted you to stop fighting and let me fight for you. I wanted you to play, like a child—for you were a child, a brave, frightened, bullheaded child. I think you are still a child. No one but a child could be so headstrong and so insensitive.”
“我跟你结婚时就知道你并不爱我。我了解艾希礼的事，这一点你也明白。不过那时我很傻，满以为可以叫你回心转意呢。你就笑吧，如果高兴的话，可那时我真想照顾你，宠爱你，给你想要的一切。我要跟你结婚，保护你，让你随心所欲地干你想干的事——就像我对邦妮那样。思嘉，你也确实奋斗了一番。我比谁都清楚你经历了哪些艰难，因此我想要你休息一下，让我来为你奋斗。我要你去玩，像孩子一样玩——何况你本来就是个孩子，一个勇敢的、时常担惊受怕的、倔强的孩子。我想你至今仍是个孩子。只有一个孩子才会这样顽固，这样感觉迟钝。”
His voice was calm and tired but there was something in the quality of it that raised a ghost of memory in Scarlett. She had heard a voice like this once before and at some other crisis of her life. Where had it been? The voice of a man facing himself and his world without feeling, without flinching, without hope.
他的声音平静而疲倦，不过其中有某种东西引起了思嘉隐约的回忆。她曾经有一次听到过这样一种声音，那是在她生活中面临另外某个危机的时候。可是在什么地方呢？只记得那个声音也像这样没有感情，没有讳言，没有希望。
Why—why—it had been Ashley in the wintry, windswept orchard at Tara, talking of life and shadow shows with a tired calmness that had more finality in its timbre than any desperate bitterness could have revealed.
怎么——怎么——那是艾希礼，在塔拉农场寒风凛冽的果园里，用一种疲倦而平静的声音谈论人生和影子戏，那种末日判决般的口气听着比任何痛苦都更让人绝望。
Even as Ashley’s voice then had turned her cold with dread of things she could not understand, so now Rhett’s voice made her heart sink. His voice, his manner, more than the content of his words, disturbed her, made her realize that her pleasurable excitement of a few moments ago had been untimely. Something was wrong, badly wrong.
如同那时艾希礼的声音听得她对一些事情似懂非懂但也不寒而栗那样，现在瑞德的声音使她的心直往下沉。他的声音，他的态度，比他所说的内容更令她不安，让她明白她刚才那种喜悦兴奋的心情是为时过早了。她觉得事情有些不妙，非常不妙。
What it was she did not know but she listened desperately, her eyes on his brown face, hoping to hear words that would dissipate her fears.
到底是什么问题，她还不清楚，只能绝望地听着，凝视着他黝黑的面孔，但愿能听到使这种恐惧最终消释的下文。
“It was so obvious that we were meant for each other. So obvious that I was the only man of your acquaintance who could love you after knowing you as you really are—hard and greedy and unscrupulous, like me. I loved you and I took the chance. I thought Ashley would fade out of your mind. But,” he shrugged, “I tried everything I knew and nothing worked. And I loved you so, Scarlett. If you had only let me, I could have loved you as gently and as tenderly as ever a man loved a woman. But I couldn’t let you know, for I knew you’d think me weak and try to use my love against me. And always—always there was Ashley. It drove me crazy. I couldn’t sit across the table from you every night, knowing you wished Ashley was sitting there in my place. And I couldn’t hold you in my arms at night and know that—well, it doesn’t matter now. I wonder, now, why it hurt. That’s what drove me to Belle. There is a certain swinish comfort in being with a woman who loves you utterly and respects you for being a fine gentleman—even if she is an illiterate whore. It soothed my vanity. You’ve never been very soothing, my dear.”
“事情很明显，我们俩是天生的一对。我明明是你那些相识中唯一既了解你的底细又还能爱你的人——我知道你为什么残酷、贪婪和无所顾忌，跟我一样。我爱你，我决定冒这个险。我想艾希礼会从你心中渐渐消失的。可是，”他耸了耸肩，“我用尽一切办法都毫无结果，而我还是很爱你，思嘉，只要你给我机会，我就会像一个男人爱一个女人时能尽量做的那样，亲切而温柔地爱你。但是我不能让你知道，因为你知道了便会认为我软弱可欺，用我的爱来对付我。而且，艾希礼一直在那里。这逼得我快要发疯了。我不能每天晚上跟你面对面坐着吃饭，因为知道你心里希望坐在我这个座位上的是艾希礼。同样，晚上我也无法抱着你睡觉——不过，现在这已经无关紧要了。现在我才觉得奇怪，为什么要那样自讨苦吃呢。总之，那么一来，我就只好到贝尔那里去。在那里可以得到某种卑下的慰藉，因为总算是跟一个女人在一起，而她又那样由衷地爱你，尊敬你，把你当作一个很好的上等人——尽管她是没文化的妓女。这使我的虚荣心得到了宽慰。而你却从来不怎么懂得安慰人呢，亲爱的。”
“ And then, that night when I carried you upstairs—I thought—I hoped—I hoped so much I was afraid to face you the next morning, for fear I’d been mistaken and you didn’t love me. I was so afraid you’d laugh at me I went off and got drunk. And when I came back, I was shaking in my boots and if you had come even halfway to meet me, had given me some sign, I think I’d have kissed your feet. But you didn’t.”
“然后，到那天晚上，我把你抱上楼去——当时我想——我希望——我怀着多么大的希望，以致第二天早晨我连见都不敢见你，生怕我自作多情，而你实际上并不爱我。我十分担心你会嘲笑我，所以跑到外面喝醉了。我回来时还浑身颤抖呢，那时只要你哪怕出来迎接我一下，给我一点表示，我想我是会趴下去吻你的脚的，可是你并没有那样做。”
“When you were sick and it was all my fault, I stood outside your door, hoping you’d call for me, but you didn’t, and then I knew what a fool I’d been and that it was all over.”
“你那次生病，倒完全是我的错，我站在你的房门口，希望你叫我，可是你却没有叫，于是我感到自己太傻了，反正一切都完了。”
“But then, there was Bonnie and I saw that everything wasn’t over, after all. I liked to think that Bonnie was you, a little girl again, before the war and poverty had done things to you. She was so like you, so willful, so brave and gay and full of high spirits, and I could pet her and spoil her—just as I wanted to pet you. But she wasn’t like you—she loved me. It was a blessing that I could take the love you didn’t want and give it to her... When she went, she took everything.”
“不过，那时候邦妮还在，我觉得事情毕竟还是有希望的。我喜欢把邦妮当作你，好像你又回到了那个没有经过战争和贫困的小姑娘。她真像你，那么任性，那么勇敢快乐，兴致勃勃，我可以宠爱她，娇惯她——就像我想宠爱你一样。可她跟你有一点不一样——她爱我。于是我很欣慰能够把你所不要的爱拿来给她……等她一走，就把一切都带走了。”
Suddenly she was sorry for him, sorry with a completeness that wiped out her own grief and her fear of what his words might mean. It was the first time in her life she had been sorry for anyone without feeling contemptuous as well, because it was the first time she had ever approached understanding any other human being. And she could understand his shrewd caginess, so like her own, his obstinate pride that kept him from admitting his love for fear of a rebuff.
思嘉突然很为他难过，难过得连她自己的悲伤，以及因不了解他说这些话的用意而感到的恐惧，全都抛在脑后了。这是她有生以来第一次替别人感到难过而同时又不轻视这个人，因为这是她第一次真正理解另一个人呢。她能够了解他的精明狡诈——跟她自己的那么相似，以及他因为生怕碰壁而不肯承认自己的爱那样一种顽固的自尊心。
“Ah, darling,” she said coming forward, hoping he would put out his arms and draw her to his knees. “Darling, I’m so sorry but I’ll make it all up to you! We can be so happy, now that we know the truth and—Rhett—look at me, Rhett! There—there can be other babies—not like Bonnie but—”
“哎，亲爱的，”她走上前去说，希望他会伸出双臂把她抱过去放在膝上。“亲爱的，我的确对不起你，但是往后一切我都会补偿你的！我们会过得很愉快，因为我们已经彼此了解，而且——瑞德——看着我，瑞德！我们还可以——还可以再要孩子——不像邦妮，而是——”
“Thank you, no,” said Rhett, as if he were refusing a piece of bread. “I’ll not risk my heart a third time.”
“不了，谢谢你，”瑞德说，仿佛拒绝一片面包似的。“我不想让自己的心再做第三次冒险了。”
“Rhett, don’t say such things! Oh, what can I say to make you understand? I’ve told you how sorry I am—”
“瑞德，别这么说。哦，我怎么说才能让你明白呢？我已经告诉你我有多么对不起——”
“My darling, you’re such a child. You think that by saying, ‘ I’m sorry,’ all the errors and hurts of years past can be remedied, obliterated from the mind, all the poison drawn from old wounds… Take my handkerchief, Scarlett. Never, at any crisis of your life, have I known you to have a handkerchief.”
“亲爱的，你真是个孩子。你以为只要一声‘对不起’，这么多年来的过错和伤害就能补救，就能从心头抹掉，毒液就能从旧的伤口消除干净……把我这块手帕拿去，思嘉，在你一生无论哪个危机关头，我都没见你有过一块手帕呢。”
She took the handkerchief, blew her nose and sat down. It was obvious that he was not going to take her in his arms. It was beginning to be obvious that all his talk about loving her meant nothing. It was a tale of a time long past and he was looking at it as though it had never happened to him. And that was frightening. He looked at her in an almost kindly way, speculation in his eyes.
她接过手帕，擤了擤鼻子，然后坐下。看来很显然，他是不会抱她了。她开始清醒地意识到，他所说的关于爱她的话都已毫无意义。那已经是陈年往事了，他失望的语气里饱含着无可怀恋的陌生，仿佛这些事未曾发生过一样。这倒是令人吃惊的。他用一种近乎亲切的态度看着她，眼里流露出沉思的神色。
“How old are you, my dear? You never would tell me.”
“你多大年纪了，亲爱的？你从来不肯告诉我。”
“Twenty-eight,” she answered dully, muffled in the handkerchief.
“二十八，”她沉闷地回答，因手帕捂在嘴上显得闷声闷气的。
“That’s not a vast age. It’s a young age to have gained the whole world and lost your own soul, isn’t it? Don’t look frightened. I’m not referring to hell fire to come for your affair with Ashley. I’m merely speaking metaphorically. Ever since I’ve known you, you’ve wanted two things. Ashley and to be rich enough to tell the world to go to hell. Well, you are rich enough and you’ve spoken sharply to the world and you’ve got Ashley, if you want him. But all that doesn’t seem to be enough now.”
“这年纪不算大嘛。你得到整个世界却丢掉灵魂的时候还很年轻，不是吗？别害怕。我不是说因为你跟艾希礼的事你会下地狱受惩罚。这只是一种比喻罢了。自从我认识你以来，你一直就想要两样东西。一是艾希礼，二是尽量赚钱好任意践踏这个世界。好，现在你已经足够富裕了，可以对这个世界呼三喝四，而且也得到艾希礼了，如果你还要他的话。可是如今看来，似乎这一切还不够吧。”
She was frightened but not at the thought of hell fire. She was thinking: “But Rhett is my soul and I’m losing him. And if I lose him, nothing else matters! No, not friends or money or—or anything. If only I had him I wouldn’t even mind being poor again. No, I wouldn’t mind being cold again or even hungry. But he can’t mean—Oh, he can’t!”
她感到害怕，但不是因为地狱和惩罚。她在思忖：“我的灵魂其实就是瑞德，可是我快要失掉他了。而一旦失去他，别的东西就都没什么意义了。不论是朋友、钱——还是其它任何东西，都无关紧要。只要有他，我哪怕再一次受穷也在所不惜。我不在乎再一次挨冻、挨饿。但是，他不会真是那个意思吧——啊？不会吧！”
She wiped her eyes and said desperately: “Rhett, if you once loved me so much, there must be something left for me.”
于是，她擦了擦眼睛，焦急万分地说：“瑞德，既然你曾经那样爱过我，总该给我留下点什么吧！”
“Out of it all I find only two things that remain and they are the two things you hate the most—pity and an odd feeling of kindness.”
“我能留给你的只剩两样东西，那是你最憎恨的两样东西——同情和一种奇怪的客气。”
Pity! Kindness!
同情！客气！
“Oh, my God,” she thought despairingly. Anything hut pity and kindness. Whenever she felt these two emotions for anyone, they went hand in hand with contempt. Was he contemptuous of her too? Anything would be preferable to that. Even the cynical coolness of the war days, the drunken madness that drove him the night he carried her up the stairs, his hard fingers bruising her body, or the barbed drawling words that she now realized had covered a bitter love. Anything except this impersonal kindness that was written so plainly in his face.
“啊，我的天哪，”她绝望地想，什么都行，除了同情和客气。每当她对别人怀有这两种情感时，必然有轻视跟它们连在一起。难道他也在轻视她了？只要不是那样，什么都心甘情愿。哪怕是战争时期那种冷酷的嘲讽，哪怕是他那天夜里抱她上楼时那种酒疯，抓伤她身体的那些粗暴的手指，或者，她如今才明白是掩藏着热爱的那种拖长声调的带刺的话——所有这些，都比轻视好得多。什么都行，就别是这种冷漠疏远的客气，可是那分明地写在了他脸上！
“Then—then you mean I’ve ruined it all—that you don’t love me any more?”
“那么——那么你的意思是我已经彻底把它毁了——你再也不爱我了？”
“That’s right.”
“是这样。”
“But,” she said stubbornly, like a child who still feels that to state a desire is to gain that desire, “but I love you!”
“可是——可是我爱你呢，”她固执地说，好像一个孩子，只要说出自己的期望就能实现似的。
“That’s your misfortune.”
“那就是你的不幸了。”
She looked up quickly to see if there was a jeer behind those words but there was none. He was simply stating a fact. But it was a fact she still would not believe —could not believe. She looked at him with slanting eyes that burned with a desperate obstinacy and the sudden hard line of jaw that sprang out through her soft cheek was Gerald’s jaw.
她急忙抬起头来，看看这句话背后有没有玩笑的意味，但是没有。他在简洁地陈述一个事实。不过这个事实她还是不愿接受——不能接受。她用那双翘翘的眼睛看着他，眼里燃烧着绝望而固执的神情，同时她那柔润的脸颊忽然板起来，一个像杰拉尔德那样顽强的下颚显得格外突出。
“Don’t be a fool, Rhett! I can make—”
“别犯傻了，瑞德！我能使——”
He flung up a hand in mock horror and his black brows went up in the old sardonic crescents.
他扬起一只手装出惊吓的样子，两道黑眉也耸成新月形，完全是过去那个讥讽人的模样。
“Don’t look so determined, Scarlett! You frighten me. I see you are contemplating the transfer of your tempestuous affections from Ashley to me and I fear for my liberty and my peace of mind. No, Scarlett, I will not be pursued as the luckless Ashley was pursued. Besides, I am going away.”
“别显得这样坚定嘛，思嘉！我被你吓到了。我看你是在盘算着把你对艾希礼的狂热感情转移到我身上来，可是我害怕丧失我的意志自由和平静呢。不，思嘉，我不愿像倒霉的艾希礼那样被追捕。况且，我马上就要走了。”
Her jaw trembled before she clenched her teeth to steady it. Go away? No, anything but that! How could life go on without him? Everyone had gone from her, everyone who mattered except Rhett. He couldn’t go. But how could she stop him? She was powerless against his cool mind, his disinterested words.
她的下颚在哆嗦，她急忙咬紧牙关让它镇定下来。要走？不，无论如何也不能走！没有他怎么活得下去啊？现在除了瑞德，所有对她关系重大的人都离她而去了。他不能走。可是，怎样才能把他留住呢？她无法改变他那颗冰冷的心，也驳不回那些冷漠无情的话。
“I am going away. I intended to tell you when you came home from Marietta.”
“我就要走了。你从马里塔回来的时候我就准备告诉你的。”
“You are deserting me?”
“你要抛弃我？”
“Don’t be the neglected, dramatic wife, Scarlett. The role isn’t becoming. I take it, then, you do not want a divorce or even a separation? Well, then, I’ll come back often enough to keep gossip down.”
“用不着装成一副弃妇的模样嘛，思嘉，这角色对你不合适。那么我看，你是不想离婚甚至分居了？好吧，那我就尽可能多回来走走，免得别人说闲话。”
“Damn gossip!” she said fiercely. “It’s you I want. Take me with you!”
“什么闲话不闲话！”她恶狠狠地说。“我要的是你。要走就带我一起走！”
“No,” he said, and there was finality in his voice. For a moment she was on the verge of an outburst of childish wild tears. She could have thrown herself on the floor, cursed and screamed and drummed her heels. But some remnant of pride, of common sense stiffened her. She thought, if I did, he’d only laugh, or just look at me. I mustn’t bawl; I mustn’t beg. I mustn’t do anything to risk his contempt. He must respect me even—even if he doesn’t love me.
“不，”他口气十分坚决，毫无商量的余地。刹时间她几乎要像个孩子似的号啕大哭了。她差点就要倒在地上蹬着脚跟叫骂了。好在她毕竟还有一点自尊心和常识，才克制住自己。她想，我如果那样做，他只会轻视，或者干脆袖手旁观。我决不能哭闹，也决不乞求，决不做任何叫他轻视的事，即使他已经不爱我了，我也得留着一份尊严。
She lifted her chin and managed to ask quietly: “Where will you go?”
她抬起下巴，强作镇静地问：“你要到哪里去？”
There was a faint gleam of admiration in his eyes as he answered.
他回答时眼中隐约流露出赞许的神采。
“Perhaps to England —or to Paris. Perhaps to Charleston to try to make peace with my people.”
“也许去英国——或者巴黎。但也可能先到查尔斯顿，想办法同我家里的人和解一下。”
“But you hate them! I’ve heard you laugh at them so often and—”
“可是你恨他们呢！我听你常常嘲笑他们，并且——”
He shrugged.
他耸了耸肩。
“I still laugh—but I’ve reached the end of roaming, Scarlett I’m forty-five—the age when a man begins to value some of the things he’s thrown away so lightly in youth, the clannishness of families, honor and security, roots that go deep—Oh, not I’m not recanting, I’m not regretting anything I’ve ever done. I’ve had a hell of a good time—such a hell of a good time that it’s begun to pall and now I want something different. No, I never intend to change more than my spots. But I want the outer semblance of the things I used to know, the utter boredom of respectability—other people’s respectability, my pet, not my own—the calm dignity life can have when it’s lived by gentle folks, the genial grace of days that are gone. When I lived those days I didn’t realize the slow charm of them—”
“我还在嘲笑他们——不过我已经流浪够了，思嘉。我都四十五岁了——一个人到了这个年龄，应该开始珍惜他年轻时轻易抛弃的那些东西了。比如家庭、名誉和安定，扎得很深的根基等等——哦，不，我并不是在悔过，我对于自己做过的事从不后悔。我已经好好享受过一段美好时光——多么美好的一段时光啊，现在已开始有些腻烦，想改变一下了。不，我从没打算要改变自己身上的瑕疵以外的东西。不过，我也想学学某些我看惯了外表的东西，那些令人厌烦但在社会上却很受尊敬的东西——宝贝儿，那些都是别人的，而不是我自己的——那就是绅士们生活中那种安逸高尚的风度，以及旧时代温文尔雅的美德。以前我并不懂得这些东西的潜在魅力呢——”
Again Scarlett was back in the windy orchard of Tara and there was the same look in Rhett’s eyes that had been in Ashley’s eyes that day. Ashley’s words were as clear in her ears as though he and not Rhett were speaking. Fragments of words came back to her and she quoted parrot-like: “A glamour to it—a perfection, a symmetry like Grecian art.”
思嘉再一次想起塔拉农场果园里的情景，那天艾希礼眼中的神情跟现在瑞德眼中的一模一样。艾希礼说的那些话如今清清楚楚就在她耳边，好像仍是他而不是瑞德在说似的。她记起了艾希礼话中的只言片语，便鹦鹉学舌地引用道：“它富有魅力——像古希腊艺术那样，是圆满的、完整的和匀称的。”
Rhett said sharply: “Why did you say that? That’s what I meant.”
瑞德厉声问到：“这是从哪听来的？这正是我的意思。”
“It was something that — that Ashley said once, about the old days.”
“这是——这是艾希礼从前谈到旧时代时说的。”
He shrugged and the light went out of his eyes.
他耸了耸肩，眼中的光芒消失了。
“Always Ashley,” he said and was silent for a moment.
“总是艾希礼，”他说完沉思了片刻，然后才接下去。
“Scarlett, when you are forty-five, perhaps you will know what I’m talking about and then perhaps you, too, will be tired of imitation gentry and shoddy manners and cheap emotions. But I doubt it. I think you’ll always be more attracted by glister than by gold. Anyway, I can’t wait that long to see. And I have no desire to wait. It just doesn’t interest me. I’m going to hunt in old towns and old countries where some of the old times must still linger. I’m that sentimental. Atlanta’s too raw for me, too new.”
“思嘉，等到你四十五岁的时候，也许会懂得我这些话的意思，那时你可能也对这种假装的文雅、虚伪的礼貌和廉价的感情感到厌烦了。不过我还有点怀疑。我想你是会永远只注意外表不注重实质的。反正我是活不到那时候，看不到你究竟怎样了。而且，我也不想等那么久，也不想去看。我要到旧的城镇和乡村去寻找，那里一定还残存着旧时代的某些风貌。我现在有些怀旧和伤感。亚特兰大对我来说实在太生涩太时髦了。”
“Stop,” she said suddenly. She had hardly heard anything he had said. Certainly her mind had not taken it in. But she knew she could no longer endure with any fortitude the sound of his voice when there was no love in it.
“别说了，”思嘉猛地喊道。他说的那些话她一句也没听进去。可她知道，她快受不了他那冰冷的毫无情意的声音了。
He paused and looked at her quizzically.
他只好打住，不解地看着她。
“Well, you get my meaning, don’t you?” he questioned, rising to his feet.
“那么，你懂我的意思了，嗯？”他边问边站起身来。
She threw out her hands to him, palms up, in the age-old gesture of appeal and her heart, again, was in her face.
她把两只手伸到他面前，手心朝上，这是一个古老的祈求姿势，同时她的全部感情都流露在脸上。
“No,” she cried. “All I know is that you do not love me and you are going away! Oh, my darling, if you go, what shall I do?”
“不，”她喊道。“我唯一懂得的就是你不爱我，并且你要走！唉，亲爱的，你要是走了，我怎么办呀？”
For a moment he hesitated as if debating whether a kind lie were kinder in the long run than the truth. Then he shrugged.
他迟疑了一会，仿佛在琢磨究竟一个善意的谎言是不是终究比说实话更合乎人情。然后他耸了耸肩。
“Scarlett, I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken—and I’d rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived. Perhaps, if I were younger—” he sighed. “But I’m too old to believe in such sentimentalities as clean slates and starting all over. I’m too old to shoulder the burden of constant lies that go with living in polite disillusionment. I couldn’t live with you and lie to you and I certainly couldn’t lie to myself. I can’t even lie to you now. I wish I could care what you do or where you go, but I can’t.”
“思嘉，我从来不是那样的人，不能耐心地把碎片一片一片拾起来，把它们拼合在一起，然后自欺其人地对自己说这个修补好的东西跟新的没什么两样。一个东西破碎了就是破碎了——我宁愿记住它最好时的样子，而不想把它修补好，然后终生看着那些破了的地方。也许，假如我再年轻几岁——”他叹了一口气。“可是我已经这么大年纪了，不能再相信那些纯属感情的说法，说一切都可以从头开始。我这么大年纪了，不能终生背着谎言的重负在貌似体面的幻灭中过日子。我不能跟你生活在一起同时又对你说谎，我也决不愿欺骗自己。就是现在，我也不想对你说假话！我是很想关心你今后的状况，可是我做不到。”
He drew a short breath and said lightly but softly: “My dear, I don’t give a damn.”
他暗暗吸了一口气，然后轻松而温柔地说：“亲爱的，我一切都不管了。”
She silently watched him go up the stairs, feeling that she would strangle at the pain in her throat. With the sound of his feet dying away in the upper hall was dying the last thing in the world that mattered. She knew now that there was no appeal of emotion or reason which would turn that cool brain from its verdict. She knew now that he had meant every word he said, lightly though some of them had been spoken. She knew because she sensed in him something strong, unyielding, implacable—all the qualities she had looked for in Ashley and never found.
她默默地望着他上楼，感到嗓子里痛得厉害，仿佛要窒息了。随着楼上穿堂里他的脚步声渐渐消失，她觉得这世界上对她关系重大的最后一个人也离她而去了。她此时才明白，任何情感或理智的力量都已无法使那个冷酷的头脑改变它的判决。她此时才明白，他说的每一句话都是认真的，尽管有的说得那么轻松。她明白这些，是因为她感觉到了他身上那种坚强不屈、毫不妥协和偏执恪守的品质——所有这些品质她都从艾希礼身上寻找过，可是没有找到。
She had never understood either of the men she had loved and so she had lost them both. Now, she had a fumbling knowledge that, had she ever understood Ashley, she would never have loved him; had she ever understood Rhett, she would never have lost him. She wondered forlornly if she had ever really understood anyone in the world.
她对她所爱过的两个男人哪一个都不了解，因而到头来两个都失掉了。现在她才恍然大悟，假如她当初了解艾希礼，她是决不会爱他的；而假如她了解了瑞德，她就无论如何不会失掉他。此时她陷入了绝望的迷惘之中，不知这世界上究竟有没有一个人是她真正了解的。
There was a merciful dullness in her mind now, a dullness that she knew from long experience would soon give way to sharp pain, even as severed tissues, shocked by the surgeon’s knife, have a brief instant of insensibility before their agony begins.
此刻她心里是一片恍恍惚惚的麻木，按照以往的经验，这种麻木会很快变成剧痛，就像皮肉被手术刀切开时，最初的一刹是没有感觉的，但马上就会剧痛起来。
“I won’t think of it now,” she thought grimly, summoning up her old charm. “I’ll go crazy if I think about losing him now. I’ll think of it tomorrow.”
“我现在不去想它。”她暗自思忖，准备使用那个老法宝。“我要是现在来想失掉他的事，那就会痛苦得发疯呢。还是明天再想吧。”
“But,” cried her heart, casting aside the charm and beginning to ache, “I can’t let him go! There must be some way!”
“可是，”她的心在叫喊，它丢掉那个法宝，开始剧痛起来，“我不能让他走！一定会有办法的！”
“I won’t think of it now,” she said again, aloud, trying to push her misery to the back of her mind, trying to find some bulwark against the rising tide of pain. “I’ll—why, I’ll go home to Tara tomorrow,” and her spirits lifted faintly.
“我现在不想它，”她又说，说得很响，试着把痛苦推向脑后，或找个什么东西把它挡住。“我要——怎么，我要回塔拉去，明天就走，”这样，她的精神又稍稍振作一点。
She had gone back to Tara once in fear and defeat and she had emerged from its sheltering walls strong and armed for victory. What she had done once, somehow—please God, she could do again!
她曾经怀着惊恐和沮丧的心情回到塔拉过，后来在它的庇护下恢复了，又坚强地武装起来，重新投入战斗。凡是她以前做过的，无论怎样——请上帝保佑，她还能再来一次！
How, she did not know. She did not want to think of that now. All she wanted was a breathing space in which to hurt, a quiet place to lick her wounds, a haven in which to plan her campaign. She thought of Tara and it was as if a gentle cool hand were stealing over her heart. She could see the white house gleaming welcome to her through the reddening autumn leaves, feel the quiet hush of the country twilight coming down over her like a benediction, feel the dews falling on the acres of green bushes starred with fleecy white, see the raw color of the red earth and the dismal dark beauty of the pines on the rolling hills.
至于怎么做，她还不清楚。她现在不打算考虑这些。她唯一需要的是有个歇息的空间来熬受痛苦，有个宁静的地方来舔她的伤口，有个避难所来酝酿下一个战役。她一想到塔拉就似乎有一只温柔而冷静的手在悄悄抚摸她的心似的。她看得到那幢雪白发亮的房子在萧红秋叶的掩映中向她招手，感觉得到乡野黄昏的宁静气氛像祈祷时的幸福感一样包裹在她周围，触碰得到落在广袤绿白相映的棉花田中的晶莹露珠，看得见连绵起伏山丘上那裸露的红土地和郁郁葱葱的松树林。
She felt vaguely comforted, strengthened by the picture, and some of her hurt and frantic regret was pushed from the top of her mind. She stood for a moment remembering small things, the avenue of dark cedars leading to Tara, the banks of cape jessamine bushes, vivid green against the white walls, the fluttering white curtains. And Mammy would be there. Suddenly she wanted Mammy desperately, as she had wanted her when she was a little girl, wanted the broad bosom on which to lay her head, the gnarled black hand on her hair. Mammy, the last link with the old days.
她从这幅图景中受到了鼓舞，内心隐隐约约得到了宽慰，因此心头的痛苦和悔恨也减轻了一些。她站了一会，回忆着一些琐碎的画面，如通向塔拉的那条古柏森森的夹道，那茉莉芳馥的花香，那草长莺飞的绿茵，那白花点缀的围墙，以及在窗口拂动着的帘幔，嬷嬷一定在那里。她突然特别想见嬷嬷，就像她小时候需要她那样，需要她那宽阔的胸膛，好让她把头伏在上面，需要她那粗糙的大手来抚摩她的头发。嬷嬷，这个与旧时代相连的最后一个环节啊！
With the spirit of her people who would not know defeat, even when it stared them in the face, she raised her chin. She could get Rhett back. She knew she could. There had never been a man she couldn’t get, once she set her mind upon him.
她的家族向来不承认失败，哪怕失败就在眼前。如今凭着这种精神，她昂起头来。她能让瑞德回心转意，她知道她可以的。世上没有哪个男人是她得不到的，只要她花点心思就是了。
“I’ll think of it all tomorrow, at Tara. I can stand it then. Tomorrow, I’ll think of some way to get him back. After all, tomorrow is another day.”
“我明天回塔拉再想吧。那时我就能经受一切了。明天，我会想出一个办法把他弄回来。毕竟，明天就是另一天了。”
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