Why Am I So Mad?

I'm not satisfied, either physically or spiritually.

我没有被满足，身体上或者灵魂上。

What made me into a "too-hard-to-be-satisfied" person?

是什么造就我成为一个很难容易被满足的人？

When my consciousness of my own ideology, philosophy and aethetics confronts the deformed reality.

当我对于自己的意识形态，哲学以及美学的认知与畸形的现实所相撞。

Is it true that the reality ought not to be deformed?

现实并不应该是畸形的，对吗？

That is not true. The life is supposed to be so.

那不对。生活本该如此。

Is it also true that my criterion of living is too critical which ought to be abandoned?

我太过苛刻的生活标准应该被摈弃，对吗？

That is possibly true. A numb conscience fits in more.

那也许正确。一个麻木的良知更适应生存。

Would it be worthy to weaken my consciousness to close up the gap between that and the reality?

去削弱我的意识，进而去缩短与现实的差距，这样做值得吗？

No, it is not worthy.

不，它不值得。

Why?

为什么？

A condemned soul would make me suffer even more.

一个被谴责的灵魂会让我遭受甚至更多。

Is there a chance that stops me from suffering?

有没有一种可能性，让我不再受到谴责？

No.

没有。

Does it mean that sufferings equal outrages?

良心谴责是否等同于愤怒？

No. The suffering is the destiny, but the outrage is the choice.

不。被谴责是命运，但发泄愤怒是选择。

How can a person like me avoid the happening of outrages?

一个像我这样的人该如何避免愤怒？

Stay in corner and keep the mouth shut.

呆在角落，并且闭嘴。

What is the most importantly?

最重要的是什么？

Don't hear the voices from the outsiders and don't let them hear you.

别听旁观者的声音也别让他们听到你。

Do people always call these "craps"?

人们是否经常称之为废物？

Yes, they do.

是的，他们如此。

But this is what I perceived the way of success.

但这就是我自己眼中的成功的方式。