模仿塞林格的“麦田里的守望者”

I was so drunk after I sallowed five bottles of wine. I did swallow these filthy things I sweared. But the thing was, I did not feel sleepy at all. So what I did was, I was gonna find a phone booth and give old Jane a buzz. I put my hunting hat on, and was looking for a phone booth at 4 p.m in New York. That killed me, boy. I mean, I knew I looked like a phoney in my hunting hat, and walked in a zigzag way on this fucking empty street. But, I did not care. All I wanted to do was to know how was old Jane doing and if possible, I would like to invite her for a drink or something. The thing was, I wandered on the street for nearly one hundred hours but could not find a phone booth. That killed me. I needed to ask someone about my situation. Could you imagine, I could not find a goddam phone booth in New York. So what I did was, I took a cab. I knew I shouldn't cos I did not have much dough left. But taxis were the only creatures I found on the street right now.

So I said to the taxi driver who had a lousy yellow cap on his head:'Take me to the nearest phone booth.' The taxi driver, I mean the old John, that what he called himself, was a phoney. He was an Englishman that moved to New York when he was three years old. But he still got his posh English air with him especially the time when he added 'sir' at the end of each sentence. 'Where about, Sir?' 'To the phone booth, Sir?' 'At this time, Sir?' Boy, that killed me. So I told him, I was from California, and it was my first day in New York. But I could not remember my hotel address, which was booked by my agent. And I had to find a phone to call him to confirm the hotel address. I was such a good liar. Then he asked, 'Can you remember the hotel name, Sir?' And I made up a lousy name for him. 'The New World Hotel, something like that.' I said. He thought a bit. Although he was driving, I still could figure out he was thinking though. And he was really into this, boy. You could tell whether people were really thinking or not. Then, our old John, used his decent English accent to apologize to me, and said he had no fucking ideas. I made a sorry face for him. I knew, I looked like a phoney in that face. But I still wanted to make this face, to make myself like a thankful person.

So, after fifteen minutes, he dropped me at a phone booth. It was near the dump and it was stink. I nearly puked the time I got off the taxi. But I didn't. In fact, after absorbing this smell, I did not fell dizzy any more. That was strange, boy. And I felt like I could drink one hundred glasses of tequilas at this moment. So I went straight into the phone booth, and was about to give old Jane a buzz. But I quitted at the end, coz I did not know whether she was on the vocation or at home now. And I did not suppose she would pick up this phone at this time. I supposed her mother would do that. And that would kill me. I did not want her to know that I was wondering on the street at this time and was not at school. I thought she would know I got the ax at Pencey. She would phone my parents. I would never let this lousy thing happen. So what I did was, I took out my phone book and gave Suzy, the lousy girl I met in the bar one year ago a buzz. I would like to check whether she wanted to have a drink with me now. But the thing was, I called three times but no one answered. Boy, I did not know why the heck she did not pick up the phone. Maybe she was shagging with some lousy boys that she met at the beach. You know, the one that keened on showing off their fucking muscles. I did not know what time was it, but I guessed it was nearly five thirty. So l quitted. I left the phone booth and decided to walk to the hotel. Suddenly, I felt like I should run on this empty street or something. Just like those characters on those lousy films. So I started to run like a madman in my hunting hat. I wanted someone to notice me, but on the other hand, I did not give a fucking shit on my behavior. I did not.