Round Table 原文 第20190827期 依赖型人格障碍

小和尚说:

俞敏洪老师说，作为个体，需要独立，Independent，可爱情是相互依赖Interdependent, Inter+dependent。

我想，依赖是没问题的，而要有牢固的爱情或者家庭，得相互依赖。

今天的TOPIC，各位听众不要对号入座，貌似比较"严重"，说的可能是端茶送水，洗衣做饭，上厕所都要对方才能完成的严重性依赖。

正文:

1. Clingy: 来自cling, 这个词是依赖，攀附，让我想起了舒婷<致橡树>里的，我如果爱你，绝不像攀援(clingy)的凌霄花，借你的高枝炫耀自己。

2. Submissive:这个词是形容词，顺从，甚至有逆来顺受的意思。 朗文词典解释: Always willing to obey someone and never disagreeing with them, even if they are unkind to you。对应的动词是Submit，是提交的意思，资料提交就是用这个词。

3.Psychiatrist: 精神病学家，精神科医生

4.Psychologist:心理学家

上面两个家，我有时候傻傻分不清楚，可能精神病更严重些。

5. Pathologizing:来自Pathologize，与pathology来自同一个词根，就是病态，病理化。Pathology是病理学。词根Patho-是病的意思

【20190827 Dependent personality disorder音频】

// 音频发布于 公众号 Englishmonk.

【20190827 Dependent personality disorder原文】

Heyang: Think about it, how often have you heard someone say, Oh, I like this girl, but she's way too clingy. She always needs me to be around or Jame is a great guy, but he can't do anything by himself. I just want some alone-time. Well, there are a number of everyday reasons why some people are so called "always clingy" or "always calling". But none of these are actually dependent personality disorder symptoms. to be.., what qualifies dependent personality disorder?

Huangshan: So in psychiatry, it refers to a personality disorder characterized by excessive emotional and practical reliance on other people, their inability to make decisions without support and passive or submissive behaviors. So people who have this kind of disorder, they suffer from a neediness, and that is marked by an over-reliance on others, and his or her emotional and physical needs are dependent on other people's close-it. So usually they can't make the decision by themselves, and they want to have like advices from other people, and they enjoy of being taken care of, they can't... Putting it in a simple way, sometimes it's hard for them to live independently. And if the clinginess is too, you know, is not too much, you will feel, oh, this is a very cute partner, but when it's, you know, overload, then you will think, oh, it's kind of a toxic relationship, what's this kind of person?

Heyang: What do you think Carl?

Carl: Well, I suppose the big thing to know with this is that it's not like, Is it just people who are a little bit cling so as to pass the test in the DSM-V, which is the latest manual from the American Psychiatric Association, which says you could have difficulty making everyday decisions without excessive amount of advice and reassurance. So it's the key point here is it's not just someone who might be able to think of who's a bit clingy, but it is really gonna mess up their life and make it difficult for them to do everyday things like work or socialize and have regular relationships with people.

Heyang: OK, and it just seems like to be diagnosed, that is actually not so easy in the sense to qualify, caz, yeah, we've all heard those stories and of having a clingy partner, or like Huangshan said, you know, being in those situations when one party is very reliant on another one, maybe emotionally and well, you know, why are you in a relationship right? There's an extent that it is emotional support that you could possibly get from the other person no matter what, and if it goes really well, you guys might even get married and all that stuff. But with this dependent personality disorder, it is actually something that you might need to see a psychiatrist for. Well, what do you think are some of the causes in that regard?

Carl: Well, I think the standing at the moment is that the causes are unknown usually becomes apparent in early childhood. So people who have experienced separation anxiety, maybe illnesses when they're younger, tend to develop this? This is a bit of a bugbear with mine because the DSM-V has a whole bunch of things which a lot of people in the mental health professionals, psychiatrists and psychologists have said you kind of pathologizing behaviour that might not need pathologizing. so we talk about this as a disorder. What is it? Is it necessarily helpful to put that label on someone? so you know if someone was abused as a child, or if they raped as a child or their parents died, they might have this. But labeling it as a disorder is not necessarily the healthiest thing, you know, If they have some of these issues. you know, I wonder, is this not picked up by things like anxiety, disorder or depression? So why put this particular label on something? I just think that there is that risk that we're gonna end up pathologizing things unnecessarily and putting labels on people.

Huangshan: And I think one of the root causes definitely from your childhood experience. Maybe your parents, they are for a powerful, they're onmipetent, they will do everything for yourself. So, you're already getting used to this kind of lifestyle and because the parents are so protective, overprotective sometimes, so you don't have the need or to make your own decision. And if you have been growing up like this for eighteen years, maybe in a future you expect your significant other or to have the same kind of responsibility for you, you enjoy being taken care of, so you don't think your voice has been heard and you just enjoy this kind of situation. Maybe sometimes you, I think it's necessary to get rid of this disorder because you can make yourself a more independent person.

Heyang: Well, a lot of it just stem from possibly low self-esteem, and I think I agree with you, Carl, that there could be other symptoms such as well, can you call it a symptom or if you are diagnosed with depression and anxiety and those kind of things? Then treatment has to come in, that's targeting those elements, right? and possibly you know the dependent personality disorder or whatever you call it, isn't that kind of the reason of depression, or you know the other things that come along with it caz yeah..

Carl: not necessarily and it is a little bit hard often with these things to work out, it's the chicken or the egg, which came first, and what's the dominant problem you know again, I do understand that they're saying that this is an issue when it's interfering with everyday life, but you look at some of this talk of it, someone urgently needs another relationship for support when they are left alone, they've got fears of being able to care for himself. I mean, are we pathologizing grief? You know, someone really is lonely and has a sense of loss, and is that something that we should be thinking about, medication and therapy for versus allowing someone to to go through this process themselves?

Heyang: and also what you just mentioned, I'm sure a lot of us feel, huh? Doesn't that sound like what I've been going through? So, yeah, I think... so it is kind of hard to draw the line here what exactly qualifies as a disorder, or it's just something tough that we're going through? And maybe that's when a professional could step in. You are listening to round table, and that brings us to the end of today's show, we will see you next time.