Things That I Know About Love and Life at Twenty-seven

The list is inspired by the memoir Everything I Know About Love by Dolly Alderton. I really adore this book and will reread it when I am turning 30.

It is based on my own experience. I only speak for myself. It represents my latest thoughts on relationships, love and life in general, subject to change over time. As such, I may edit it from time to time. The opinions are not intended to be universally valid in each and every circumstance.

1. There are many things beyond your control. Personal efforts and ambitions may seem futile in the grand scheme of things. Nevertheless, have faith. Control the controllable.

2. Feelings aren’t always mutual. (I know it sounds pretty obvious but I’ve only come to realise it recently.)

3. Focus on yourself. Better yourself. Make yourself happy. Find your own lifestyle. Putting yourself first is not selfish.

4. The environment in which you study and live is a reflection of your state of mind. In turn, organising, decorating and decluttering your space can help boost your inner peace.

5. You can be surprised by how little you need to be happy.

6. Friendships have been largely understated and unappreciated. Keep nurturing your friendships even when you have a romantic partner.

7. If possible, find the right environment for yourself rather than attempt to change the environment that doesn’t serve you any more.

8. Different people bring out different sides of you. Every interaction is unique.

9. If a person is mean to you, it doesn’t necessarily mean he/she is a bad person. Maybe it’s because you can’t meet each other’s core psychological needs.

10. Nothing lasts. Everything passes. Try to be fully present.

11. Nature and books are always there for you.

12. If you don’t feel like doing something, then don’t do it unless you really really have to. Saying no to things you don’t want to do is to make room for things you do want to do.

13. You are amazing. You are good enough.

14. Ideal romantic relationships are based on mutual respect and admiration.

15. If someone loves you, you will know. The person will make efforts to keep in touch with you, meet you, touch you, tell you that he/she likes you and make plans with you. Don’t find excuses for someone's lack of interest. Don't overthink or overglamourise things. See things as they are.

16. Love is to give what the other person needs, not what you think he/she needs. Let go of control.

17. Being authentic and connected to yourself gives you strength.

18. Sort out your priorities. Every decision you made entails trade-offs. You can’t have it all. Make your decisions and own your life.

19. Life is a series of experiences. Live your life to the fullest.

20. Don’t expect that you can change a person.

21. If you have mixed emotions, try to dissect them, articulate them and even write them down. The process can be quite cathartic and therapeutic. It helps you better understand and make peace with yourself.

To be continued.