“Thirty-Five Owls” Letterblade（11-15）
July 11th, 1956
Mister Supreme Mugwump Sir, and of course I heard about that particular commendation—
至高无上的尊敬的长官先生，我当然已听说了这项特别的荣誉——
The rest of our lives, you say? Forever, you say? Are we wedded by owl, then? Am I bound to your sanctimonious pronouncements as permanently as the lichen on my walls? The orange spot is becoming particularly magnificent. There is green like scales, green like little leaves. They grow unimaginably slowly. My whole life has become glacial. It's been more than ten years, hasn't it? More than ten years in one single little room. I thought I'd go mad. Maybe I have.
你是说，我们的余生？你是说，永远？我们在猫头鹰的翅膀上结婚了是吗？我已经被你那假正经的宣言永远的束缚了，就像附着在我那墙壁上那些顽固的苔藓是吗？那些橙色的苔藓变得越来越壮观，绿色的则细碎如鳞片，又如绿叶斑驳。它们的生长难以置信的缓慢。我整个生命都已冰封。已经过去十年了，不是吗？十多年来都待在同一个小房间里。我觉得我会疯掉的。我想我已经疯了。
Headmaster. Bollocks. Schweinhund. Look at you. Look at you, the great Albus Dumbledore, International Mugwump of the Grand Posh Scheisse-Swarm, hunching over your New Year's ale because you fucked a German boy decades ago and can never love again or some nonsense—and you still blame me for her death, don't you, Albus? It was an accident, you drunken idiot, an accident, it wasn't me, I swear, I only fled in fear—
校长。去他妈的。你这杂种。看看你自己。看看你自己吧，伟大的阿不思·邓布利多，国际魔法联合会会长，在除夕之夜彻夜未眠，就因为几十年前被一个德国小子操了，然后再也没有办法爱上其他人等等之类的废话——而你还在为她的死责备我，不是吗，阿不思？那是一场意外，你这个酗酒的糊涂的傻瓜，那是一场意外，那不是我干的，我发誓，我只是因为害怕才走的——
And look at me. Gellert Grindelwald. There was a time when every child in Wizarding Europe cheered for my name or shrunk from it. There was a time when I cast curses that stripped the leaves from every tree for thirty feet with the mere wind of their passing—there was a time when I was on the verge of establishing, truly establishing, a new world order, a bright new future, and I would have done it for you and me—and here I am, rotting, lonely enough to care what some poncy old British git thinks of me. You must have enjoyed the thought, yes, that I might be haunted by the screams of my victims? Does that fit your idea of how things work, that I lie awake at night tossing and turning from the ghosts of my past? And do you, Albus? Little Ariana held you back from hunting me down for years, didn't she?
再来看看我。盖勒特·格林德沃。曾经，每个欧洲的巫师家庭的孩子都会为我的名字而欢呼或者发抖。我的一个咒语丢在风中就可将所有树叶从30英尺多高的树上剥离——那时，我几乎就要建立，真正建立一个新的世界秩序，一个光明的未来，而我做的这些是为了你和我——现在呢，我在这里慢慢的腐烂，孤独寂寞以至于会去在意一个娘娘腔的英国老混账是怎么想我的。你一定为这种念头得意吧，是啊，我说不定会被那些麻瓜们的尖叫纠缠不休呢。这在你看来是不是理所当然的，我整晚都辗转反侧无法入眠，就是因为被过去的幽灵缠绕着，不是吗？而你呢，阿不思？小阿利安娜把你阻止我的念头拖了好多年，不是吗？
News. NEWS, Dumbledore? News from this oubliette you left me in? Four years without a letter—the charms on my watch are holding perfectly well, thank you, I know how long it's been—and then only to brag that you're Headmaster? [a dark, indecipherable blotch of ink]
近况。近况，邓布利多？在你把我丢入这个密牢之后的近况？四年没有一封信——我手表上的魔法还未失效，谢谢你，我知道已经过去了多久——之后，你就仅仅是想吹嘘你当了校长？[一大团黑色墨渍]
It's sweet, really, your bewilderment. You can't understand how I could possibly be angry at you, can you? Because you mean well, because you approach me in friendship, I couldn't really be upset, now could I? Just sulking again, right?
你那小小的困惑真可爱。你无法理解我为什么这么生气是吗？因为你明明是带着善意接近我的，因为你明明是作为朋友而接近我的，我不可能真的生气的，不是吗？那我现在为什么又开始生气了呢？嗯？
Gertrude is a crazy bitch. What lesson are you trying to teach me? What game of yours am I playing in now? We already finished one, the one where you spend every day with me, give me your body and your mind, and then blame me for an accident and betray me and leave me to do our work alone? And then the next, where you set me upon my path, share my plans, hunt the Hallows with me, give me the very words by which I forged my philosophy, and then, at your leisure, when you've watched enough, wander over from England in the name of truth and justice and bat me out of the sky?
格特鲁德是个发疯的婊子。你又在试图给我灌输什么？现在你又在拿我玩什么愚蠢的游戏？我们不是已经结束了那个游戏了吗，那个我们整天黏在一起，将你的身心全部交付于我，然后又因为一场意外责怪我，背叛我，抛下我一人去完成我们的事业的游戏？然后接下来是什么？你跟随我的脚步，按照我的计划，同我一起去寻找圣器，许下 “为了更伟大的利益” 那句对我的信仰举足轻重的话，然后，等你无聊了，看腻了，在名为真理和正义的英格兰土地上漫步够了，就一巴掌把我从天空上拍下来？
You forged me, Dumbledore. You forged me and formed me and let me loose in the world. And I think your little brother would agree that you have a habit of ignoring uncomfortable truths.
你成就了我，邓布利多。你成就了我，影响了我，然后，把我遗忘在这个世界上。我想你那个弟弟会同意我的观点的，你习惯于忽视掉令人难堪的真相。
But enough about you. Let's talk about me, your haunted and broken pet Dark Lord, your misbegotten experiment, who used to spin sweet spells round your body and smile as you begged him to bugger you? And who, I wonder, knows that? Is that one of those things you must ever hide? Poor Albus.
谈你谈得够多的了。现在谈谈我吧，你那饱受惊吓，心碎一地的宠物，黑魔王，你非法的实验品，他总是用甜蜜的咒语织就让你深陷其中的网，在你求他干你的时候向你露出微笑？还有谁呢，告诉我，还有谁知道这些？这就是你不能不隐藏的事情吗？可怜的阿不思。
Yes, we go around in circles. Here I am back to mocking you until I can barely breathe for anger.
是的，我们就是在兜圈子。现在我又反过来嘲笑你了，直到我的怒火让我感到无法呼吸。
I have a new pen pal, Professor Dumbledore, aren't you proud? Never think that you're the only one I write to—god knows if you were, I would've bashed my head out on the wall years ago. And it's lovely, sometimes, to talk to somebody who doesn't disapprove of everything one is, a fellow Dark wizard, ambitious with abandon. British boy, very clever, a little stiff, silly made-up name—owled me out of the blue a few years ago looking to talk shop, as you'd say. Great mind, but no sense of humor. He seemed rather startled when I mentioned that I knew you.
我现在有了一个新笔友，邓布利多教授，你开心嘛？永远都别以为我只给你一个人写信——梅林啊，如果真的是那样，我几年前就该撞墙了。这感觉挺不错的，有时可以和一个不会像某个处处和你反着来的家伙聊聊。这人和我一样，是一个野心勃勃的黑巫师。他是个英国男孩，非常聪明，有点固执，用的是一个傻乎乎的假名——他在几年前出乎意料的给我写信，想和我聊点我的老本行，就像你经常说的那样，老本行。他脑子挺聪明，但没有一点幽默感。当我向他提起你的时候，他好像还吓了一大跳呢。
I told him that you were a user and a hypocrite, and to stay well away from you. Of course, he was already frightened of you. You might want to keep an eye out for him though. He could be a dangerous lad. And how could you possibly handle a Dark Lord who isn't your lapdog?
我告诉他，你是一个常常利用别人的伪君子，最好离你远一点。当然，他早就被你吓坏了。你说不定留意过他。他可是一个危险的小伙子。你怎么可能掌控得了一个黑魔王呢，他可不是你的小跟班。
Be well uncertain of your decency, Albus Dumbledore. And Gertrude is a crazy bitch.
享受你那无法确定的罪责吧，阿不思·邓布利多。又，格特鲁德真的是个发疯的婊子。
译者注：
1 Schweinhund 德，杂种，混蛋，猪猡
August 2nd, 1956
Gellert,
盖勒特，
One of the perils of teaching for long is that one becomes accustomed to presenting, as one must to children, the illusion that one is entirely knowledgeable and confident in one's path through life, even when one may, in fact, be a fool and lost.
一个长期从事教学生涯的人的问题之一，就是习惯于在孩子面前营造出自己全知全能，对人生充满自信的假象，即使他是个失败的老傻瓜。
I never considered you my lapdog, old friend. If anything, I often thought of myself as yours for those few months, I caught up in your dreams of glory, I the one who felt betrayed when I realized the full implications of those dreams and the broken backs they would climb upon. But when teaching long, too, one learns to recognize when a dispute is simply—did not—did too.
我从没有把你看做是我的小跟班，老朋友。甚至，不如说，在那几个月中，我常常以为我是你的小跟班，我被你充满荣耀的梦想所吸引，而当我发现那些梦想可能引起的严重后果和通往它们的道路是多么可怕的时候，我才是感到被背叛的那个。同样地，在长年从事教学之后，我也开始明白了引起争论的问题往往很简单——我没有做过——你做了。
Hate me, then, if it will make your remaining years easier. I had hoped, childish hopes, that you wouldn't, even after—but I am nothing but a lost old fool anyway. But, whatever you think of me, I must ask after this British fellow you mentioned. This made-up name wouldn't happen to be Voldemort, would it? I would leave you well enough alone, as you wish, but there have been ominous rumors round that name as of late, and I am compelled to ask.
恨我吧，如果这能够让你的余生变得不那么艰难。我曾希望，幼稚的希望，你不会那样（恨我），即使在那之后——但其实我只是一个失败的老傻瓜，除此之外什么都不是。但，不管你是怎样想我的，我还是要提醒你注意你提到的那个英国男孩。他的假名不会碰巧就是 伏地魔 吧？我本来是想让你独自享受平静的，就像你在信中希望的那样，但是近来我听到了关于这个名字的可怕谣言，不得不来问问你。
That aside, be well.
不多说了，祝好。
译者注：
1 ——did not——did too. 过去时态，还是在翻旧账。
September 27th, 1956
Dumbledore,
邓布利多，
The peculiar thing is that you've given me no particular reason to want to help you with this Voldemort bloke. (That would be the correct British term, yes? Bloke?) It was mostly technical. Obsessed with death, that one, even for a Dark wizard. Terrified of it, even as he nursed delusions of grandeur. Unhealthy attitude. But you probably knew that already. He was not on the path of the Hallows. Probably just as well. The fewer upstarts after that sort of thing, the better.
你并没有给我一个特殊的理由让我想要帮你对付这个伏地魔小子。（在英国是这么称呼的，对吗？小子？）这很不寻常。为死亡着迷，这种着迷，即使在黑巫师中也不常见。他害怕死亡，以致生出了强烈的不切实际的妄想。一种病态的表现。不过这些你大概已经知道了。他还没有去寻找死亡圣器的念头。这可能是个好消息。追求那种东西的，自命不凡的家伙越少越好。
He was mostly on about his crackpot theory to improve the Killing Curse—won't work out, I think. That and Horcruxes. Woolly business. I like all my bits in one place where they belong, and if somebody's good enough to take me out I'd rather die properly, none of this floating about half-alive nonsense.
他主要执着于利用一套古怪的理论去改进杀戮咒——这事成不了，我想。然后是魂器之类乱七八糟的破事。我还是喜欢完完整整的待在一个地方，如果有什么人可以好心的把我从这个地方弄出去，我更乐意体面的赴死，而不是把自己搞成个半死不活的东西。
I don't hate you, Albus. I never have, and at this point there's nothing worse you can do to me, so I never will. That's the problem.
我不恨你，阿不思。从前没有，而以后你也不会对我做比这更糟的事了，所以，以后我也不会恨你，永远不会。就这样。
P.S. Getrude says, "And identity is funny being yourself is funny as you are never yourself to yourself except as you remember yourself and then of course you do not believe yourself."
P.S. 格特鲁德说，“而自我与你自己的统一的说法是可笑的，因为对于你自己来说，你永远都不会是你自己，除非你记得你自己，不过，当然，你是不会相信你自己的。”
译者注：
1 "（And） { [（identity is funny being yourself ）is funny ]as [（you are never yourself to yourself） except as （you remember yourself ）] }and then （of course you do not believe yourself）." 这人疯了。又，这是不是伏地魔分裂自己的灵魂的隐喻。
February 28th, 1957
Gellert,
盖勒特，
I suppose it might give you great pleasure to know that you can still make me burst out laughing. A woolly business they are indeed, and I think (for everybody knows if you are too careful you are so occupied in being careful that you are sure to stumble over something) that Gertrude would agree. Unlike her, however revel in my commas.
我想你应该会很高兴知道，你依然能让我爆发出一阵大笑。那确实是一堆乱七八糟的破事，而且我认为（众所周知，如果你对一件事情过于认真，那么你一定不可避免的在别的地方摔跟头。）这点，格特鲁德会同意的。和她不同，我还沉迷于我的小韵脚呢。
Voldemort visited me a few days ago, here at Hogwarts. I had been prepared to write off the dark rumors I'd been hearing as just that, but his entire demeanor and every word he spoke confirmed my fears. England may indeed have a genuine Dark Lord on its hands.
伏地魔前几天来霍格沃茨拜访我。我本来还准备写信为那些可怕的流言辟谣呢，但是他的言行举止都证实了我的一直以来担忧的猜测。英格兰的土地上或许真的出现了一个天赋异禀的黑魔王。
I realize you have no particular reason to listen to me, but I would suggest breaking off contact. Voldemort may be a whippersnapper compared to you, but he is impetuous, ambitious, and, as you deduced, obsessed with death. Then again, he might be just your sort of bloke.
我知道你没什么理由一定要听我的，但是我建议你别再和他联络。与你相比，伏地魔可能只是个自以为是的年轻人，但是他冲动，野心勃勃，而且正如你所说，过分纠结于死亡。所以，是的，他就是你说的那种 小子 。
As for the rest—I cannot untangle your heart, Gellert. I can barely keep measure of my own.
至于其他的事——我没法解开你的心结，盖勒特。我几乎连我自己都想不明白。
With thanks for your help,
万分感谢你的帮助，
March 15th, 1957
Albus—
阿不思——
So you've got yourself a baby Dark Lord on the fair Isles of Alba? Then it would seem you should beware the Ides of March.
所以你在正义的阿尔巴半岛上拥有了一个你的黑魔王宝宝？那么，看来你需要小心315这一天了。
I wonder—will you go after Voldemort now, as a vigilante, in the good ten years or so before the officials will have any idea what's going on, or will you play it safe, bide your time, and watch the first deaths? Either way I'm sure that inflamed conscience of yours will suffer. Give it a sherbet lemon and spare us.
我想知道——你现在要逮捕伏地魔吗，像一个义务警员那样，在那些官员们反应过来之前，在他成为黑魔王的最初的十年内打败他；或者你玩得安全点，等待时机，直到出现第一个受害者？无论那种，我能肯定的是，你的良心都过不去。给黑魔王宝宝一个柠檬雪宝吧，让我们都清闲一会。
The boy has a lot of power and little imagination. You and I, at least, never lacked in the latter department. Part of why we were magnificent.
这个男孩有着强大的力量和少得可怜的想象力。你和我，至少，我们从不缺少这个。这也是你我为什么能够有如此成就。
The more I read these Muggle books of yours, the more I am bewildered. All this time they spend on their cultural conceits, their literature and arts, their social niceties, their limited, supposedly scientific ways of understanding the world without magic. I suppose it is what people do when they do not have magic? Yet without magic, what is the point of it? A wizard with a violin can alter reality itself, but a Muggle with the same is limited to simply affecting the emotions of his fellow-kind. And two Muggles arguing over commas change nothing, but two wizards revising a spell structure can change the world.
你寄来的麻瓜书，我越读越感到迷惑不解。他们的文明浪费了大量的时间在虚构的文学，艺术，和繁复的社交礼节上，他们是受限的，所以只能完全脱离魔法，使用所谓的 科学 来理解这个世界。我想这也许就是人们在没有魔法的世界中会做的事？但是，如果没有魔法，生活的意义在哪？一个巫师拥有一架小提琴，他可以用魔法改变它的本质；而麻瓜拥有它则仅仅能在一定程度上影响同类的情绪。两个麻瓜关于一个小韵脚的争论什么也改变不了；而两个巫师修改的一句咒语结构却能改变世界。
Is this your lesson, Albus, when you sent me these books? To teach me to pity them in their small worlds? How ineffective they are?
这就是你想要告诉我的吗，阿不思，你给我寄来这些书就是为了这个？让我为他们狭小的世界感到悲哀？看到他们对这个世界有多么无能为力？
My heart was untangled with—It—in my hand. Without It now, without the surety of magic—
当我手中握着——它——的时候，我的内心清明。现在我失去它了，没有了魔法的保障——
How?
怎么办？
How does one live?
我该如何生活下去？
The landscape out my window has changed in twelve years, though how much I cannot say. My thoughts slip and slide away from me. One would think they would have nowhere to go, with shield charms thick as goblin steel through my walls. You always used to say you'd get a Pensieve one day—
在这十二年的时间里，窗外的风景变了，但是我说不上来变了多少。我的思维渐渐从身体中流逝。我周围的墙壁上，防御魔咒密如妖精的金库，谁被关在这里都无路可逃。你过去总说你将来一定要有一个冥想盆——
My Nurmengard will not break me, Albus, and neither shall you. Go, deal with your whippersnapper of a Dark Lord. I'm just a rotting—am I really an old man now? I suppose I am. Well, in my day we had to go up hill both ways in the snow to conquer countries.
我的纽蒙伽德毁不了我，阿不思，你也不能。去吧，去解决你的大魔王吧。我不过是一个正在慢慢腐烂的——我现在真的是个老人了吗？我想是的。不过，即便是在我的时代，为了征服世界，我们也都不得不餐风啮雪艰难跋涉。
Crochetily yours,
带着钩针花边的，你的，
译者注：
1 in my day we had to go up hill both ways in the snow to conquer countries. 这里的we应指格林德沃的白鸟一党。
“Thirty-Five Owls” Letterblade（16-20）https://www.douban.com/note/787326735/
