翻译札记 / 磐石下埋藏着真心吗？——佩利《想要》（Wants, Grace Paley）

《想要》

选自Enormous Change at the Last Minute

1、「A Plumber's Snake」- 来自曾经伴侣的“水拔式”言语暴力

He had had a habit throughout the twenty-seven years of making a narrow remark which, like a plumber’s snake, could work its way through the ear down the throat, half-way to my heart. He would then disappear, leaving me choking with equipment. What I mean is, I sat down on the library steps and he went away.

二十七年来，他仍习惯性地对我做狭隘评价，像用一根水拔子，从耳朵捅向喉咙，直捣心脏。过后他甩手走人，任凭我被拿东西塞到窒息。就像这次，他说完就离开，留我坐在图书馆台阶上。

2、「A Different Person」- 我的“想要”无关物质，根据意志做出改变，成为一个不同的人，也是一种“想要”。

I looked through /The House of Mirth/, but lost interest. I felt extremely accused. Now, it’s true, I’m short of requests and absolute requirements. But I do want /something/.

I want, for instance, to be a different person. I want to be the woman who brings these two books back in two weeks. I want to be the effective citizen who changes the school system and addresses the Board of Estimate on the troubles of this dear urban center.

我随手翻起《快乐之家》，却没了兴趣。我深深觉得被指控了。事到如今，他说的没错，对生活我没太多诉求，也不作极端的要求。但我仍有想要的“东西”。

比如，我想成为完全不同的人。我想当一个能在两周之内，就还掉这两本书的女人。我想当一名积极的市民，我要做点什么改变学校的教育系统，倘若我们可爱的市中心面临什么困境的话，我也要给预算委员会好好写封信。

3、「The Rock of His Reasons」- 总想抬起人心之磐石，看看下面到底藏了些什么？

I wanted to have been married forever to one person, my ex-husband or my present one. Either has enough character for a whole life, which as it turns out is really not such a long time. You couldn’t exhaust either man’s qualities or get under the rock of his reasons in one short life.

我想与一人白头偕老，前夫也好，目前交往的这位也好。无论什么品质的男人，都能共度一生。而且现在看来，一生也没那么长。而在短暂的一生中，你无法穷尽一个男人的本性，也无法掀开他理智的磐石，去触摸埋藏在下面的真心。

（以下译文仅供交流学习，所有版权归原著者所有～）

想要

格蕾丝·佩利 / 著

郑凯云 / 译

我在街上遇见了前夫。当时我正坐在新图书馆的台阶上。

“嗨，我的人生。”我说。我和前夫的婚姻维持了二十七年，说他是我的“人生”，也算合情合理吧。

“什么？什么人生？反正和我没关系。”他说。

“好吧。”我说。每当我俩遇到真正的分歧时，我总是从不争辩的那一个。我起身走向图书馆，想查查手上这几本书要缴纳多少逾期费用。

图书馆员告诉我，罚金总共32美元，而且这笔帐我欠了整整十八年。我丝毫不敢否认，只是怎么也想不明白，这十八年到底怎么飞逝过去的。这些书明明一直在我身边啊，我还时常想起要还掉它们呢，况且图书馆也才两个街区那么远。

这时候，图书馆员还想多说点什么，我前夫却突然插话了（他尾随我来到了借阅处）。

“现在回想起来，”他说。“很多迹象都证明，咱俩婚姻之所以破裂，要怪你从不邀请伯特伦一家共进晚餐。”

“怎么可能，”我说。“但说真的，你要还记得的话：首先，我爸那个周五生病了，然后孩子们出生了，然后我开始每周二晚有聚会，后来战争爆发了。再后来，我们好像和他们家断了联系吧。不过你说得没错，我应该邀请他们来吃顿饭的。”

我递给图书馆员一张32美元的支票。她不计前嫌，立刻对我恢复了信任，还把我过往的欠费记录一笔勾销，换作其他市政人员或官僚机构，绝不会像她这样宽容大度。

我又续借了那两本刚还回去的伊迪丝·沃顿的书。毕竟上次读是很久之前的事了。现在，我比任何时候都更合适重读这两本书，一本《欢乐之家》，另一本《孩子们》，讲的都是五十年前的美国纽约城，和这座城市在二十七年间的起起落落。

“倒是有一件开心的事，就是和你一起早餐。”前夫说。我很惊讶，因为当时的早餐一直都只有咖啡而已。于是我想起了碗柜背面的小洞，从那里望去，能直接窥见邻居家的厨房。只是看着他们顿顿吃糖渍烟熏培根，就感觉到好像自己的早餐也很丰盛似的，但实话说，我俩没有一顿早餐能真的吃饱肚子。

“那时候咱们还很穷。”我说。

“难道有钱过吗？”他问。

哦，时间越久，责任越多，那时的生活真是捉襟见肘。“你分担的经济压力够多了，”我提醒他。“每年孩子们都去上四周夏令营，得买质量好的雨衣、睡袋和靴子，和别人一样。孩子们看上去还算过得不错，家里冬天很暖和，也有很多舒服的红枕头之类的好东西。”

“当时我想要一艘帆船，”他说。“可你什么都不想要。”

“别怪在我头上，”我说。“你现在要你的船，也不晚啊。”

“是，”他怨气更深了。“我会买的。实际上，我完全买得起一艘十八英尺的帆船，再雇两名船员。我今年工作干得很不错，以后还会更好。但对你来说，一切都太晚了。你永远都会无欲无求，什么都不想要。”

二十七年来，他仍习惯性地对我做狭隘评价，像用一根水拔子，从耳朵捅向喉咙，直捣心脏。过后他甩手走人，任凭我被那东西塞到窒息。就像这次，他说完就离开，留我独坐在图书馆的台阶上。

我随手翻起《快乐之家》，却失去了兴趣。我内心深深觉得被指控了。事到如今，他说的没错，对生活我没太多诉求，更没什么极端的要求。但我仍有想要的“东西”。

比如，我想成为完全不同的人。我想当一个能在两周之内，就还掉这两本书的女人。我想当一名积极的市民，我要做点什么改变学校的教育系统，倘若我们可爱的市中心面临什么困境的话，我也要给预算委员会好好写封信。

我曾向孩子们保证过，在他们长大之前战争就会结束。

我想与一人白头偕老，前夫也好，目前交往的这位也好。无论什么品质的男人，都能共度一生。而且现在看来，一生也没那么长。而在短暂的一生中，你无法穷尽一个男人的本性，也无法掀开他理智的磐石，去触摸埋藏在下面的真心。

今早我望向窗外，看到街边的无花果树，仿佛一场梦，树在孩子们尚未出生时，就扎根在这座城市，如今已枝繁叶茂、正值盛年。

好了！我决定重新走回图书馆，还掉这两本书。这能证明什么呢？——当某些人或烦心事，突然跑来摇撼，并审判我的内心时，我还是“能够”做到我想做的，尽管我在别人眼里是出了名的无欲无求。

👇原文：

Wants

by Grace Paley

I saw my ex-husband in the street. I was sitting on the steps of the new library.

Hello, my life, I said. We had once been married for twenty-seven years, so I felt justified.

He said, What? What life? No life of mine.

I said, O.K. I don’t argue when there’s real disagreement. I got up and went into the library to see how much I owed them.

The librarian said $32 even and you’ve owed it for eighteen years. I didn’t deny anything. Because I don’t understand how time passes. I have had those books. I have often thought of them. The library is only two blocks away.

My ex-husband followed me to the Books Returned desk. He interrupted the librarian, who had more to tell. In many ways, he said, as I look back, I attribute the dissolution of our marriage to the fact that you never invited the Bertrams to dinner.

That’s possible, I said. But really, if you remember: first, my father was sick that Friday, then the children were born, then I had those Tuesday-night meetings, then the war began.Then we didn’t seem to know them any more. But you’re right. I should have had them to dinner.

I gave the librarian a check for $32. Immediately she trusted me, put my past behind her, wiped the record clean, which is just what most other municipal and/or state bureaucracies will not do.

I checked out the two Edith Wharton books I had just returned because I’d read them so long ago and they are more apropos now than ever. They were /The House of Mirth/ and /The Children/, which is about how life in the United States in New York changed in twenty-seven years fifty years ago.

A nice thing I do remember is breakfast, my ex-husband said. I was surprised. All we ever had was coffee. Then I remembered there was a hole in the back of the kitchen closet which opened into the apartment next door. There, they always ate sugar-cured smoked bacon. It gave us a very grand feeling about breakfast, but we never got stuffed and sluggish.

That was when we were poor, I said.

When were we ever rich? he asked.

Oh, as time went on, as our responsibilities increased, we didn’t go in need. You took adequate financial care, I reminded him. The children went to camp four weeks a year and in decent ponchos with sleeping bags and boots, just like everyone else. They looked very nice. Our place was warm in winter, and we had nice red pillows and things.

I wanted a sailboat, he said. But you didn’t want anything.

Don’t be bitter, I said. It’s never too late.

No, he said with a great deal of bitterness. I may get a sailboat. As a matter of fact I have money down on an eighteen-foot two-rigger. I’m doing well this year and can look forward to better. But as for you, it’s too late. You’ll always want nothing.

He had had a habit throughout the twenty-seven years of making a narrow remark which, like a plumber’s snake, could work its way through the ear down the throat, half-way to my heart. He would then disappear, leaving me choking with equipment. What I mean is, I sat down on the library steps and he went away.

I looked through /The House of Mirth/, but lost interest. I felt extremely accused. Now, it’s true, I’m short of requests and absolute requirements. But I do want /something/.

I want, for instance, to be a different person. I want to be the woman who brings these two books back in two weeks. I want to be the effective citizen who changes the school system and addresses the Board of Estimate on the troubles of this dear urban center.

I /had/ promised my children to end the war before they grew up.

I wanted to have been married forever to one person, my ex-husband or my present one. Either has enough character for a whole life, which as it turns out is really not such a long time. You couldn’t exhaust either man’s qualities or get under the rock of his reasons in one short life.

Just this morning I looked out the window to watch the street for a while and saw that the little sycamores the city had dreamily planted a couple of years before the kids were born had come that day to the prime of their lives.

Well! I decided to bring those two books back to the library. Which proves that when a person or an event comes along to jolt or appraise me I /can/ take some appropriate action, although I am better known for my hospitable remarks.

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