十三个俄罗斯Gay的故事

由一些友人/读者提供，公众号每月赠送15份当月《GQ智族》杂志、不定量书籍、派对门票等生活方式礼物，在每篇文章里送出，详见文末。

______________________

俄罗斯的一位女摄影师，塔蒂阿娜·维诺格勒多娃(Tatiana Vinogradova)，从2013到2015，用了两年时间，去拍摄这个国家政治高压下的同性恋群体。

几乎无人愿意出境，“现实让他们遁入地下，在俄国，仅1%的同性恋者敢于挑战世俗，公开隐私，在我的照片里，他们总显得落落寡欢”，她说。

这本名叫《幽暗之时》的摄影集，记录了那些倦于戴着面具与镣铐的人。拍摄前，她与每个人交谈，聊他们的过往与对爱的想像，如何离家、飘泊、失意、自伤。

一束光线打下，一张张防备重重的面孔。据俄罗斯一家非政府机构列瓦达中心调研，74%的人认为同性恋不应被社会接受。2012年，莫斯科下令未来100年不许在该市举办任何同志骄傲游行，2013年，俄国下令“全国禁止有关同性恋的宣传鼓吹，以免将青少年引上歧途”。

世界不全是诗情画意，“我不明白他们为何这样被排斥，拍下他们独处的肖像，记录某一刻的静谧内心，希望人们察觉每个人有其美好，不要因彼此不同就互相攻讦”，她说。

谢尔盖(Sergey,)，20岁。“爱如罗针，长向北方，你喜欢的人，就是北方”。 “Love is like you have a compass inside which points to the north. And the north is this person,” said Sergey, 20.

阿图尔(Artur)，27岁。“直男以为只要是同性恋就会喜欢他，如果说’你不是我的类型’，他们会不能接受”。 "When you say to heterosexuals, 'You are not my sort of guy,' they are surprised," said Artur, 27.

帕维尔(Pavel), 44岁。“出柜时，母亲的第一反应是，’你还不懂，等你长大就明白了，你不过没遇到喜欢的女孩而已；但可笑的是我那时26岁了”。 My mother's reaction was: 'It is a teenage thing, you'll grow out of it. You simply haven't met the right girl yet.' The most ridiculous thing is I was already 26," said Pavel, 44

德米特里(Dmitry)，42岁。“生命的意义在于坚持真我，不是附庸他人，在于达成一种完全的境界，而不是大梦一场”，“如同呼吸，用两颗肺叶，不要一叶障目”。 The meaning of life is to live your own life. Not someone else’s, not illusory, but full,” said Dmitry, 42. “To breathe with two lungs instead of one.”

阿纳托利(Anatoly), 23岁，圣彼得堡，2014.5。“俄罗斯对他们避而不见, 一如这部摄影集的委婉幽暗” Anatoly, a 23-year-old from St. Petersburg, in May 2014. The somber mood in the series is reflective of a country that has largely shunned them.

米沙，27岁。“祖父是非常聪明锐利的人，都忘了是九岁还是十岁时，有次他直白问，’你是同性恋吧？’当时胡乱回答，’什么是同性恋？’” "My grandfather was a very clever and acute person," said Misha, 27. "I think I was about 9 or 10 years old, I don't remember, but once he asked me directly, 'Are you gay?' I answered like, 'What's a gay?' "

马克西姆(Maxim)，21岁。“我能分辨女孩好不好看，但就像在博物馆看画一样”。 "I can judge girls aesthetically, well, kind of like pictures in a museum,” said Maxim, 21.

萨沙(Sasha)，22岁。这次拍摄历时两年多，他们都是厌倦再隐藏面目的人。 These photos were captured over a two-year span, full of men -- like Sasha, 22 -- who were tired of hiding their true selves.

马克西姆(Maxim)，28岁。“Gay在俄罗斯，不是五光十色的彩虹”。 Maxim, 28. "Being gay in Russia is not a rainbow-colored life.”

奥列格(Oleg)，27岁。“我试过去吻一个女生，结果笑场了”。 "When it came to kissing a girl, I started laughing," said Oleg, 27.

简亚(Jenya)，25岁。摄影师的许多拍摄邀请都被拒绝，他们会回答，这件事很有意义，但我不能因为这张照片就出柜。 Pictured here in Jenya, 25. Many of the responses were rejections, claiming that they saw the importance of her project but weren't ready to come out through a photograph.

莱沙(Lesha)，20岁。“6岁时，我对母亲说想打耳洞，她以为自己听错了，又问了一遍。后来真的穿了耳钉，第二天，立即听见别人冲我喊，‘死玻璃’”。 "When I was 6 years old, I told my mother that I wanted to pierce my ear. She asked again if I really wanted to do it and then did it," said Lesha, 20. "The next day for the first time I heard people calling me a “faggot."

迪玛(Dima), 28岁。“我慢慢开始习惯孤独了，不再幻想找个母亲生个孩子，或领养一个。有时想，不过是老来白骨无人收”。 "I'm trying to prepare myself for loneliness," said Dima, 28. "I don't cherish any illusions about surrogate mothers and mythical children that gays can adopt. I picture a scenario where there is no one to bury me.”

本文首发于公号【陈十四】

点击链接可见原文：https://mp.weixin.qq.com/s/W964OIE6coi013ldE78WOQ

陈十四/媒体人，陈十四是浙南故乡一个神祇的名字。

☟长按/扫描下图二维码关注公号☟