某个平淡的夜晚

花了不少精力写的综英原文和删减后得到的课文的对照分析，今天反馈了。想到就此文件进回收站会总有空虚感，就自我安慰式地放在这里，大概可供自己以后看看这想法就填补了什么... 我对刻意写的文字的感情和在意程度还真是挺重的(●'◡'●)

The deletion actually has taken away a lot original writing intentions and some aggressive opinions based on personal philosophy or value judgements from Golding. Such castration in my opinion would definitely offends this old and deceased man a lot since it really merely removeds all those satirical and personalized elements which indeed contains his own strong voice as an important motivation for him to writeput down this article. Ironically, this act oriented towards textbook is exactly what author had been so eager to criticize：it misleads the reader from the author’s original intention into the editor’s instead as how the majority of people are disciplined under the doctrines or moral principles surrounding them all the time that could be possibly built upon biases and nonsense or merely ignorance.

Let’s begin with the trails of “my” doubt towards the adult world in the article first.[k1] It was the doubt and confusion along with it that pushed Golding to walk down the journey to think, to reflect and eventually to find out about truths. From deleted part, we can conclude that he was a man with doubt since he was young. Unlike the majority to stop asking and thinking, he upheld his own judgements and reasons. While the pathetic reality echoes with the fact that Mr. Houghton was a miserable and incompetent teacher who could only offer substantial contribution to his students by luckily and unintentionally bringing up the concept of “thinking” to someone potential as Golding, it’s generally put forward critical denial orienting the authoritative adult world for they can be so ridiculous, misleading and out of reason.

The deleted paragraph 18 reveals that the kid had precise explanation for his bad behaviors. His fault was mostly based on the ignorance of consequence just as how he did to the girl Ruth. However, Mr. Houghton simply failed to understand that and arbitrarily attributed all these to Golding’s loss in thinking because somehow in his subconscious, to obey and to obey behave oneself is equal to reason and the ability to think. But he was still the role model Golding used to admire as agent of righteousness and absolute truth as all kids would do in their childhood. The end of para4 suggests Golding’s sense of inferiority when he is called into the office since only men of dark inferiority would find normal items of shiny superiors glimmering besides doing the gestures of diffidence. He attributed the embarrassment and punishment from Mr. Houghton to his own flaws or natural loss while the latter never actually helped Golding conduct himself or showed GodlingGolding why and how he should fix it. He only blamed all of the mess including his own irresponsibility on Golding’s failing to think as so is mentioned in para17. (I had similar experience of confusion in my elementary school as well, so I really get that silent worship towards authority from children to teachers. )

I would say Golding really spent a lot of ink depicting the character of Mr. Houghton while a lot of details were wiped out over this pathetic man suffering from sexual inhibition, who as well indulged himself with the miserable and tiny dopamine provided by alcohol. It turned out he could not think himself at all, which is of the most sarcastic meaning. He can’t even reflect on himself and realize his own great demand for a spouse and following sexual things. He lied about the open air as his really desire was to let the neat feet provoke his sensual imagination as feet are actually the secondary female sexual organ.[k2]

Along with Miss. Parson, Mr. Houghton were so obsessed with the superficial speeches of rhetoric brilliance while they can’t deal with their natural demand very properly. They were ashamed to mention their own sensual lust or vulnerability faced with solitude and life. They were indeed of the 3rd grade thinker as Golding mentioned to give the most noble and elegant but borrowed announcement over virtues or responsibilities beyond their own seeking and desires only to live up to unreliable social expectation. They are like the soft straw to sway with wind, the boat without oar trembling ahead of sea waves, the creature to think with their neck as it’s their nature’s last cry of desperate rebellion. The web woven of moral dogmatic discourse is somehow like Confucian doctrines. It makes you convinced of your duty and target of pursuit while they were originally set for the stability of society instead of individual happiness. To break away from those absurd images we need to equip ourselves with the ability to really think and reflect though the majority would fail to do so. And to be the manipulated animal to think with your neck is really bad as long as you’ve had the vision as a thinker.

Let’s come back to the three statuettes mentioned by Golding throughout the passage, whose deletion by the editor suspended its role to indicate Golding’s own transformation besides echoing with details of the passage to imply his own attitude.

Generally, Golding’s different views and preferences on the statuettes symbolizes his own transformation from the innocent child to the cynic critic and finally to the professional thinker while the meanings carried by statuette changed much as well. When he was only the delinquent kid in panic, the statuettes were merely projections of his emotions. Later he learnt the common idea about them. After having developed into a 2nd grade thinker(para34), he despised those portentous pretenders who claimed to be thinking, which as he mentioned can be dangerous and not satisfying enough despite the fun and excitement it brings via pointing contradictions and deficiency amid the traditional world. Ever since Einstein set an example for him, he turned thinking from hobby to his profession i.e., himself from 2ndgrade thinker to 1st grade thinker. (para48) As a man who has’ve experienced and contemplated things that these statuettes symbolize, he probably had considered love as one of the most precious things to be well kept and cherished, thinking as the confined struggle of despair against pale reality, nature as the impulse to let go, to return to pure humanity, and to go on.

PS: As the end of para3 suggests, the statuettes maybe also projecting Mr. Houghton’s being blind and blind to be scrutinized from now. His hesitation in finding a spouse is like the towel on Venus to cut himself off happiness. He adheres to indulgences with those doctrines and praises on virtues like a drunk man while all he could manage was only to ruin his own health with alcohol. He is like the miserable man as that Thinker in young Golding’s eyes. Because he is a man without profound thinking, he could only suffer in his vain attempts to think while still stuck in the vicious\malignant circle. Besides, his nature as a human being is like that leopard, crying in despair as the victim of social assimilation and discipline as well as a 3rd grade thinker.