* Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind TM 以终为始（一） ——自我领导的原则

* Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind TM 以终为始（一） ——自我领导的原则
What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared
to what lies within us.
-- Oliver Wendell Holme
　　身外之物和内在力量相比，便显得微不足道。
　　——霍姆斯(Oliver Wendell Holmes)，前美国最高法院大法官
Please find a place to read these next few pages where you can be
alone and uninterrupted. Clear your mind of everything except what
you will read and what I will invite you to do. Don't worry about
your schedule, your business, your family, or your friends. Just
focus with me and really open your mind.
阅读本章时，请找个僻静不受干扰的角落，抛开一切杂念，敞开心扉，跟着我作
一段心灵之旅。
In your mind's eye, see yourself going to the #funeral parlor or
 #chapel, parking the car, and getting out. As you walk inside the
building, you notice the flowers, the soft organ music. You see the
faces of friends and family you pass along the way. You feel the
shared sorrow of losing, the joy of having known, that radiates from
the hearts of the people there.
As you walk down to the front of the room and look inside the casket,
you suddenly come face to face with yourself. This is your funeral,
three years from today. All these people have come to honor you, to
express feelings of love and appreciation for your life.
As you take a seat and wait for the services to begin, you look at the
program in your hand. There are to be four speakers. The first one
is from your family, immediate and also extended --children, brothers,
sisters, #nephews, #nieces, aunts, uncles, #cousins, and grandparents who
have come from all over the country to attend. The second speaker is
one of your friends, someone who can give a sense of what you were as
a person. The third speaker is from your work or profession. And the
fourth is from your church or some community organization where you've
been involved in service.
假设你正在前往殡仪馆的路上，要去参加一位至亲的丧礼。抵达之后，居然发现
亲朋友好齐集一堂，是为了向你告别。也许这是三五年，甚至许久之后的事，但
姑且假定这时亲族代表、友人、同事或社团伙伴，即将上台追述你的生平。
Now think deeply. What would you like each of these speakers to say
about you and your life? What kind of husband, wife, father, or
mother would you like their words to reflect? What kind of son or
daughter or cousin? What kind of friend? What kind of working
associate?
What character would you like them to have seen in you? What
contributions, what achievements
would you want them to remember? Look carefully at the people around
you. What difference would you like to have made in their lives?
Before you read further, take a few minutes to jot down your
impressions. It will greatly increase your personal understanding of
Habit 2.
请认真想一想，你希望听到什么样的评语?你这一生有任何成就、贡献或值得怀念
的事吗?你是个称职的丈夫、妻子、父母、子女或亲友吗?你是个令人怀念的同事
或伙伴吗?失去了你，对关心你的人会有什么影响?请大致记下你的感受，这有助
于了解本章的重点——以终为始(begin with the end in mind)。
** What it Means to "Begin with the End in Mind" “以终为始”的意思
If you participated seriously in this visualization experience, you
touched for a moment some of your deep, fundamental values. You
established brief contact with that inner guidance system at the heart
of your Circle of Influence
Consider the words of Joseph Addison:
When I look upon the tombs of the great, every emotion of #envy dies
in me; when I read the epitaphs of the beautiful, every inordinate
desire goes out; when I meet with the grief of parents upon a
tombstone, my heart melts with compassion; when I see the tomb of the
parents themselves, I consider the vanity of grieving for those whom
we must quickly follow: when I see kings lying by those who deposed
them, I consider rival wits placed side by side, or the holy men that
divided the world with their contests and disputes, I reflect with
sorrow and astonishment on the little competitions, factions, and
debates of mankind. When I read the several dates of the tombs, of
some that died yesterday, and some six hundred years ago, I consider
that great Day when we shall all of us be Contemporaries, and make our
appearance together.
Although Habit 2 applies to many different circumstances and levels of
life, the most fundamental application of "Begin with the End in Mind"
is to begin today with the image, picture, or paradigm of the end of
your life as your frame of reference or the criterion by which
everything else is examined. Each part of your life --today's
behavior, tomorrow's behavior, next week's behavior, next month's
behavior --can be examined in the context of the whole, of what really
matters most to you. By keeping that end clearly in mind, you can
make certain that whatever you do on any particular day does not
violate the criteria you have defined as supremely important, and that
each day of your life contributes in a meaningful way to the vision
you have of your life as a whole.
以终为始的习惯可适用于各个不同的生活层面，而最基本的目的还是人生的最终
期许。从上述的实验中，可以发掘人们心底最根深蒂固的价值观，间接触及影响
圈的核心部分。从此时此刻起，一举一动，一切价值标准，都必须以人生的最终
愿景为依归；也就是由个人最重视的期许或价值来决定一切。我们应该时时刻刻
把人生使命谨记在心，每一天都要朝此迈进，不敢有丝毫违背。
To Begin with the End in Mind means to start with a clear
understanding of your destination. It means to know where you're
going so that you better understand where you are now and so that the
steps you take are always in the right direction.
确认使命也意味着，着手做任何一件事前，先认清方向。这样不但可对目前所处
的状况了解得更透彻，在追求目标的过程中，也不致误入岐途，白费工夫。
It's incredibly easy to get caught up in an activity trap, in the
busy-ness of life, to work harder and harder at climbing the ladder of
success only to discover it's leaning against the wrong wall. It is
possible to be busy -- very busy -- without being very effective.
人生旅途，岔路很多，一不小心就会走冤枉路。许多人拼命埋头苦干，却不知所
为何来，到头来仍然发现追求成功的阶梯搭错了墙，为时已晚。因此，人们也许
很忙碌，却不见得有意义。
People often find themselves achieving victories that are empty,
successes that have come at the expense of things they suddenly
realize were far more valuable to them. People from every walk of
life -- doctors, academicians, actors, politicians, business
professionals, athletes, and #plumbers -- often struggle to achieve a
higher income, more recognition or a certain degree of professional
competence, only to find that their drive to achieve their goal
blinded them to the things that really mattered most and now are gone.
How different our lives are when we really know what is deeply
important to us, and, keeping that picture in mind, we manage
ourselves each day to be and to do what really matters most. If the
ladder is not leaning against the right wall, every step we take just
gets us to the wrong place faster. We may be very busy, we may be
very efficient, but we will also be truly effective only when we Begin
with the End in Mind.
太多人成功之后，反而感到空虚；得到名利之后，却发现牺牲了更可贵的事物。
上自达官显贵、富豪巨贾，下至平头小民、凡夫俗子，无人不在追求更多的财富
或更高的事业地位与声誉，可是名利往往蒙蔽良知，成功每每须付出昂贵的代价。
因此，我们务必掌握真正重要的愿景，然后勇往直前坚持到底，使生活充满意义。
If you carefully consider what you wanted to be said of you in the
funeral experience, you will find your definition of success. It may
be very different from the definition you thought you had in mind.
Perhaps fame, achievement, money, or some of the other things we
strive for are not even part of the right wall.
When you Begin with the End in Mind, you gain a different perspective.
盖棺论定时，你希望获得的评价，才是你心目中真正渴望的目标。从这个角度
看，名利、成就等等不免显得微不足道。
One man asked another on the death of a #mutual friend, "How much did
he leave?" His friend responded, "He left it all."
有这么一则小故事：丧礼上有人问死者的朋友：“他留下多少遗产?”对方答：“他
什么也没带走。”
** All Things Are Created Twice 所有事物都经过两次创造
"Begin with the End in Mind" is based on the principle that all things
are created twice. There's a mental or first creation, and a physical
or second creation to all things。
“以终为始”是以所有事物都经过两次创造的原则为基础的。所有事物都有心智的
即第一次的创造(mental /first creation)和实际的即第二次的创造
(physical/second creation)。我们做任何事都是先在心中构思，然后付诸实现。
正因如此，认定使命才显得如此重要。
Take the construction of a home, for example. You create it in every
detail before you ever hammer the first nail into place. You try to
get a very clear sense of what kind of house you want. If you want a
family-centered home, you plan a family room where it would be a
natural gathering place. You plan sliding doors and a patio for
children to play outside. You work with ideas. You work with your
mind until you get a clear image of what you want to build.
Then you reduce it to blueprint and develop construction plans. All
of this is done before the earth is touched. If not, then in the
second creation, the physical creation, you will have to make
expensive changes that may double the cost of your home.
The carpenter's rule is "measure twice, cut once." You have to make
sure that the blueprint, the first creation, is really what you want,
that you've thought everything through. Then you put it into bricks
and mortar. Each day you go to the construction shed and pull out the
blueprint to get marching orders for the day. You Begin with the End
in Mind.
以建筑为例，在拿起工具建造之前，必须先有详尽的设计图；而绘出设计图之
前，须先在脑海中构思每一细节。有了设计图，然后有施工计划，这样按部就
班，才能完成建筑。假使设计稍有缺失，弥补起来，可能就事倍功半。设计蓝图
代表愿景，整个建筑过程均以它为准绳，因此宁可事先追求尽善尽美，以免亡羊
补牢。
For another example, look at a business. If you want to have a
successful enterprise, you clearly define what you're trying to
accomplish. You carefully think through the product or service you
want to provide in terms of your market target, then you organize all
the elements -- financial, research and development, operations,
marketing, personnel, physical facilities, and so on -- to meet that
objective. The extent to which you Begin with the End in Mind often
determines whether or not you are able to create a successful
enterprise. Most business failures begin in the first creation, with
problems such as undercapitalization, misunderstanding of the market,
or lack of a business plan.
创办企业也是同样道理。要想经营成功，必须先确定产品或服务可达到的营运目
标，然后综合资金、研究发展、生产作业、行销、人事、厂房设备等方面资源，
朝愿景努力前进。许多企业都败在事先规划不周，以致资金不足，或对市场认识
不清。
The same is true with parenting. If you want to raise responsible,
 #self-disciplined children, you have to keep that end clearly in mind
as you interact with your children on a daily basis. You can't behave
toward them in ways that undermine their self-discipline or
self-esteem.
教养子女也要有使命。想调教出既懂事又有责任感的子女，日常与子女相处时，
就得谨守这个使命，不可做出相违背的举动。
To varying degrees, people use this principle in many different areas
of life. Before you go on a trip, you determine your destination and
plan out the best route. Before you plant a garden, you plan it out
in your mind, possibly on paper. You create speeches on paper before
you give them, you envision the landscaping in your yard before you
 #landscape it, you design the clothes you make before you thread the
needle.
先构思而后行动的原则适用范围极广。比方出门旅行，要先决定目的地与路线；
上台演讲，应先预备讲稿；做衣服，要先设计款式。明白这个道理，把订定使命
看得与行为本身同样重要，影响圈就会日渐扩大。
To the extent to which we understand the principle of two creations
and accept the responsibility for both, we act within and enlarge the
borders of our Circle of Influence. To the extent to which we do not
operate in harmony with this principle and take charge of the first
creation, we diminish it.
不过，“使命”不见得都是有意识的产物。有些人自我意识薄弱，只知遵循家庭、
社会或环境所赋予的使命前进。这类使命多半出于个人主观好恶，不符合客观原
则。它之所以被接受，乃由于有些人依赖心过重，深怕不顺从别人的要求便会失
去爱，因而必须靠别人来肯定自我价值。
** By Design or Default
It's a principle that all things are created twice, but not all first
creations are by conscious design. In our personal lives, if we do
not develop our own self-awareness and become responsible for first
creations, we empower other people and circumstances outside our
Circle or Influence to shape much of our lives by default. We
reactively live the scripts handed to us by family, associates, other
people's agendas, the pressures of circumstance --scripts from our
earlier years, from our training, our conditioning.
These scripts come from people, not principles. And they rise out of
our deep vulnerabilities, our deep dependency on others and our need
for acceptance and love, for belonging, for a sense of importance and
worth, for a feeling that we matter.
Whether we are aware of it or not, whether we are in control of it or
not, there is a first creation to every part of our lives. We are
either the second creation of our own proactive design, or we are the
second creation of other people's agendas, of circumstances, or of
past habits.
The unique human capacities of self-awareness, imagination, and
conscience enable us to examine first creations and make it possible
for us to take charge of our own first creation, to write our own
script.Put another way,Habit 1 says, "You are the creator." Habit 2 is
the first creation.
** Leadership and Management -- The Two Creations 领导与管理：两次创造的体现
Habit 2 is based on principles of personal leadership, which means
that leadership is the first creation. Leadership is not management.
Management is the second creation, which we'll discuss in the chapter
on Habit 3. But leadership has to come first.
“以终为始”是以自我领导的原则为基础的，但领导(leadership)不同于管理
(management)。管理的层次低于领导，我们将在第三个习惯那一章讨论。
Management is a bottom-line focus: How can I best accomplish certain
things? Leadership deals with the top line: What are the things I want
to accomplish? In the words of both Peter Drucker and Warren Bennis,
"Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right
things." Management is efficiency in climbing the ladder of success;
leadership determines whether the ladder is leaning against the right
wall.
领导与管理的差异就好比思想与行为。管理是有效地把事情做好，领导则是确定
所做的事是否正确;管理是在成功的阶梯上努力往上爬,领导则指出所爬阶梯是否
靠在正确的墙上。
You can quickly grasp the important difference between the two if you
envision a group of producers cutting their way through the #jungle
with machetes. They're the producers, the problem solvers. They're
cutting through the undergrowth, clearing it out.
The managers are behind them, sharpening their machetes, writing
policy and procedure manuals, holding muscle development programs,
bringing in improved technologies, and setting up working schedules
and compensation programs for machete wielders.
The leader is the one who climbs the tallest tree, surveys the entire
situation, and yells, "Wrong jungle!"
要理解两者间的这一区别不难。想象一下，一群工人在丛林里清除矮灌木。他们
是生产者，解决的是实际问题。管理者在他们后面拟定政策，引进技术，确定工
作进程和补贴计划。领导者则爬上最高那棵树，巡视全貌，然后大声嚷道：“不是
这块丛林!”
But how do the busy, efficient producers and managers often respond?
"Shut up! We're making progress."
而忙碌的生产者和管理者常常怎么回答呢?“别说了，我们正干得有声有色呢。”
!As individuals, groups, and businesses, we're often so busy cutting
through the undergrowth we don't even realize we're in the wrong
jungle. And the rapidly changing environment in which we live makes
effective leadership more critical than it has ever been --in every
aspect of independent and interdependent life.
作为个人和企业，常常是埋头砍矮灌木，甚至没有意识到要砍的并非那块丛林。
We are more in need of a vision or designation and a compass (a set of
principles or directions) and less in need of a road map. We often
don't know what the terrain ahead will be like or what we will need to
go through it; much will depend on our judgment at the time. But an
inner compass will always give us direction.
尤其在这日新月异的世界中，有效的领导比以往更显得重要。我们需要方针，需
要指引。面对纷扰不已的世事，谁也难以预料未来的发展，这时惟有依靠自己的
判断行事。而使命——也就是心中的罗盘——能使你判断正确。
Effectiveness -- often even survival -- does not depend solely on how
much effort we expend, but on whether or not the effort we expend is
in the right jungle. And the metamorphosis taking place in most every
industry and profession demands leadership first and management
second.
成功——甚至可说求生存的关键——并不完全取决于流了多少血汗，而在于努力是否
得法。因此对各行各业而言，领导都重于管理。
In business, the market is changing so rapidly that many products and
services that successfully met consumer tastes and needs a few years
ago are obsolete today. Proactive powerful leadership must constantly
monitor environmental change, particularly customer buying habits and
motives, and provide the force necessary to organize resources in the
right direction.
企业方面，市场瞬息万变，领导者必须不断密切注视环境的变化，特别是消费者
的购买习惯和购买心理，以使企业保持正确的发展方向。
Such changes as deregulation of the airline industry, skyrocketing
costs of health care, and the great quality and quantity of imported
cars impact the environment in significant ways. If industries do not
monitor the environment, including their own work teams, and exercise
the creative leadership to keep headed in the right direction, no
amount of management expertise can keep them from failing.
Efficient management without effective leadership is, as one
individual phrased it, "like straightening deck chairs on the
Titanic." No management success can compensate for failure in
leadership. But leadership is hard because we're often caught in a
management paradigm.
工业方面也是这样。领导者若不注意外部环境的变化，管理技能再好也不能使他
们免于破产。缺乏有效领导的高效率管理，有人称之为“就像在泰坦尼克号轮船上
拉开躺椅”。无论管理多么成功，都不能弥补领导的失败。不过领导的确是很难
的，因为我们常常陷于管理的圈子难以自拔。
At the final session of a year-long executive development program in
Seattle, the president of an oil company came up to me and said,
"Stephen, when you pointed out the difference between leadership and
management in the second month, I looked at my role as the president
of this company and realized that I had never been into leadership. I
was deep into management, buried by pressing challenges and the
details of day-to-day logistics. So I decided to withdraw from
management. I could get other people to do that. I wanted to really
lead my organization.
记得在西雅图，我曾为一家石油公司主持为期1年的主管进修课程。在最后一堂课
上，该公司总裁跟我谈到他个人的上课心得：
史蒂芬，你在第二个月指出领导与管理的不同之后，我立即检讨了自己的角色，
结果发现我根本不曾领导。每天忙着应付管理问题，已令人焦头烂额。于是我决
定退出管理工作，留给别人去负责，我希望好好为公司确定大方向。
"It was hard. I went through withdrawal pains because I stopped
dealing with a lot of the pressing, urgent matters that were right in
front of me and which gave me a sense of immediate accomplishment. I
didn't receive much satisfaction as I started wrestling with the
direction issues, the culture-building issues, the deep analysis of
problems, the seizing of new opportunities. Others also went through
withdrawal pains from their working style comfort zones. They missed
the easy accessibility I had given them before. They still wanted me
to be available to them, to respond, to help solve their problems on a
day-to-day basis.
这实在不容易啊!要放手不管眼前急迫的公务，牺牲唾手可得的成就，令我十分痛
苦。苦思如何领导公司，如何建立企业文化，如何掌握先机，以及深入分析一些
问题，更让我头痛不已。手下的管理人员也适应不良，他们无法再把难题推给我
解决，日子比以前难过。
"But I persisted. I was absolutely convinced that I needed to provide
leadership. And I did. Today our whole business is different. We're
more in line with our environment. We have doubled our revenues and
quadrupled our profits. I'm into leadership."
不过我决心坚持到底，因为我认定自己必须做个领导者。现在我已确实做到，整
个公司也彷佛脱胎换骨。如今，我们更能因应环境的变化，公司营业额加倍，利
润也增长了3倍。我真正发挥了领导力。
I'm convinced that too often parents are also trapped in the
management paradigm, thinking of control, efficiency, and rules
instead of direction, purpose, and family feeling.
And leadership is even more lacking in our personal lives. We're into
managing with efficiency, setting and achieving goals before we have
even clarified our values.
在家庭中，为人父母者难免也会落入类似的管理陷阱，只重规矩、效率与控制，
忽略了管教的目的、方向与亲情。至于个人的生活，可能就更缺乏主导了。终日
汲汲营营，却像无头苍蝇般漫无目标。
** Rescripting: Becoming Your Own First Creator
As we previously observed, proactivity is based on the unique human
endowment of self-awareness. The two additional unique human
endowments that enable us to expand our proactivity and to exercise
personal leadership in our lives are imagination and conscience.
Through imagination, we can visualize the uncreated worlds of
potential that lie within us. Through conscience, we can come in
contact with universal laws or principles with our own singular
talents and #avenues of contribution, and with the personal guidelines
within which we can most effectively develop them. Combined with
self-awareness, these two endowments empower us to write our own
script.
Because we already live with many scripts that have been handed to us,
the process of writing our own script is actually more a process of
"rescripting," or Paradigm Shifting --of changing some of the basic
paradigms that we already have. As we recognize the ineffective
scripts, the incorrect or incomplete paradigms within us, we can
proactively begin to rescript ourselves.
每个人在成长过程中都承袭了许多来自他人的“人生剧本”，也就是价值观与其他
方面的制约。要掌握自己的人生，就得改写这些剧本，或者改变既有的成见。
I think one of the most inspiring accounts of the rescripting process
comes from the autobiography of Anwar Sadat, past president of Egypt.
Sadat had been reared, nurtured, and deeply scripted in a hatred for
Israel. He would make the statement on national television, "I will
never shake the hand of an Israeli as long as they occupy one inch of
Arab soil. Never, never, never!" And huge crowds all around the
country would chant, "Never, never, never!" He marshaled the energy
and unified the will of the whole country in that script.
The script was very independent and nationalistic, and it aroused deep
emotions in the people. But it was also very foolish, and Sadat knew
it. It ignored the perilous, highly interdependent reality of the
situation.
已故埃及总统萨达特(Anwar Sadt)的自传，讲述了一个最令人振奋的改写人生剧
本的故事。萨达特是在仇恨以色列的环境中长大成人的，一度以仇恨以色列来调
动民众的意志。这个剧本有很强的独立性和浓厚的民族主义，但它也是愚蠢的，
忽视了当今世界相互依存的事实。萨达特也知道这一点。
So he rescripted himself. It was a process he had learned when he was
a young man imprisoned in Cell 54, a solitary cell in Cairo Central
Prison, as a result of his involvement in a conspiracy plot against
King Farouk. He learned to withdraw from his own mind and look at it
to see if the scripts were appropriate and wise. He learned how to
 #vacate his own mind and, through a deep personal process of
meditation, to work with his own scriptures, his own form of prayer,
and rescript himself.
He records that he was almost loath to leave his prison cell because
it was there that he realized that real success is success with self.
It's not in having things, but in having mastery, having victory over
self.
For a period of time during Nasser's administration Sadat was
relegated to a position of relative insignificance. Everyone felt
that his spirit was broken, but it wasn't. They were projecting their
own home movies onto him. They didn't understand him. He was biding
his time.
于是，萨达特决心改写自己的人生剧本。因为参与推翻法鲁克国王，他被关进了
监牢。在那里，他学会了从旁观者的角度来观照自己，反躬自省，改造自我。
And when that time came, when he became president of Egypt and
confronted the political realities, he rescripted himself toward
Israel. He visited the Knesset in Jerusalem and opened up one of the
most precedent-breaking peace movements in the history of the world, a
bold initiative that eventually brought about the Camp David Accord.
当终于成为埃及总统时，他改变了自己对以色列的态度。他访问了耶路撒冷的以
色列国会，开启世界历史上最勇于突破先例的和平运动，而这一大胆的行为最终
产生了戴维营协议。
Sadat was able to use his self-awareness, his imagination, and his
conscience to exercise personal leadership, to change an essential
paradigm, to change the way he saw the situation. He worked in the
center of his Circle of Influence. And from that rescripting, that
change in paradigm, flowed changes in behavior and attitude that
affected millions of lives in the wider Circle of Concern.
萨达特利用他的独立意识、想象力和良知进行自我领导，改写了自己的“人生剧
本”，影响了数百万人的生活。
In developing our own self-awareness many of us discover ineffective
scripts, deeply embedded habits that are totally unworthy of us,
totally incongruent with the things we really value in life. Habit 2
says we don't have to live with those scripts. We are response-able
to use our imagination and creativity to write new ones that are more
effective, more congruent with our deepest values and with the correct
principles that give our values meaning.
当我们因袭的“人生剧本”有违我们的生活目标时，我们能够利用想象力和创造力
书写新的剧本，它将更为符合我们内在的价值观。
Suppose, for example, that I am highly overreactive to my children.
Suppose that whenever they begin to do something I feel is
inappropriate, I sense an immediate tensing in the #pit of my stomach.
feel defensive walls go up; I prepare for battle. My focus is not on
the long-term growth and understanding but on the short-term behavior.
I'm trying to win the battle, not the war.
I pull out my ammunition -- my superior size, my position of authority
-- and I yell or intimidate or I threaten or punish. And I win. I
stand there, victorious, in the middle of the debris of a shattered
relationship while my children are outwardly submissive and inwardly
rebellious, suppressing feelings that will come out later in uglier
ways.
假设我是一位严厉的父亲，每当子女做出令我反感的行为，立刻会火冒三丈，把
教训子女的真正目的抛诸脑后；拿出做父亲的权威，迫使子女屈服。在眼前的冲
突中我固然得胜，亲子关系却出现裂痕。孩子表面顺从，但口服心不服，受到压
抑的情绪，日后会以更糟的形式表现出来。
Now if I were sitting at that funeral we visualized earlier, and one
of my children was about to speak, I would want his life to represent
the victory of teaching, training, and disciplining with love over a
period of years rather than the battle scars of quick-fix skirmishes.
I would want his heart and mind to be filled with the pleasant
memories of deep, meaningful times together. I would want him to
remember me as a loving father who shared the fun and the pain of
growing up. I would want him to remember the times he came to me with
his problems and concerns. I would want to have listened and loved
and helped. I would want him to know I wasn't perfect, but that I had
tried with everything I had. And that, perhaps more than anybody in
the world, I loved him.
The reason I would want those things is because, deep down, I value my
children. I love them, I want to help them. I value my role as their
father.
让我们再回到本章一开始提到的实验。在我的丧礼上，子女齐集一堂，表达孝思。
我期望他们个个都很有教养，满怀对父亲的爱，而不是与父亲起冲突的创痛。但
愿他们心中所充满的是往日美好的回忆，记得老爸曾与他们同甘共苦过。我所以
有这些期望，因为我重视子女、爱护子女，以做他们的父亲为傲。
But I don't always see those values. I get caught up in the "thick of
thin things." What matters most gets buried under layers of pressing
problems, immediate concerns, and outward behaviors. I become
reactive. And the way I interact with my children every day often
bears little #resemblance to the way I deeply feel about them.
但在实际生活中，却不一定时时牢记这些，表面对孩子的态度并不能真正反映我
心底的情感，因为繁复的事务扰乱了我的方向。
Because I am self-aware, because I have imagination and #conscience, I
can examine my deepest values. I can realize that the script I'm
living is not in #harmony with those values, that my life is not the
product of my own proactive design, but the result of the first
creation I have deferred to circumstances and other people. And I can
change. I can live out of my imagination instead of my memory. I can
tie myself to my limitless potential instead of my limiting past. I
can become my own first creator.
To Begin with the End in Mind means to approach my role as a parent,
as well as my other roles in life, with my values and directions
clear. It means to be responsible for my own first creation, to
rescript myself so that the paradigms from which my behavior and
attitude flow are congruent with my deepest values and in harmony with
correct principles.
好在这个缺点并非无法克服。我可以排除外来不合宜的价值观与其他制约，由此
建立自己的价值观与方向，和对生命的负责，来改写人生剧本，让自己的人生真
正符合自己的意愿。
It also means to begin each day with those values firmly in mind.
Then as the vicissitudes, as the challenges come, I can make my
decisions based on those values. I can act with integrity. I don't
have to react to the emotion, the circumstance. I can be truly
proactive, value driven, because my values are clear.
于是乎，日常生活一旦出现困难或挑战，我就可以根据个人价值观决定因应之道。
** A Personal Mission Statement 个人使命宣言
The most effective way I know to Begin with the End in Mind is to
develop a personal mission statement or philosophy or creed. It
focuses on what you want to be (character) and to do (contributions
and achievements) and on the values or principles upon which being and
doing are based
Because each individual is unique, a personal mission statement will
reflect that uniqueness, both in content and form. My friend, Rolfe
Kerr, has expressed his personal creed in this way:
确立人生愿景最有效的方法，就是认定自己的人生哲学或基本信念，然后写一份
个人使命宣言(mission statement)。宣言中应包括自我期许与基本价值观，内容
往往因人而异。举例来说，我有一位朋友的个人信条如下：
Succeed at home first.
●家庭第一。
Seek and merit divine help.
●借重宗教的力量。
Never #compromise with honesty.
●决不放弃诚信原则。
Remember the people involved.
●征求他人意见。
Hear both sides before judging.
●未听取正反双方意见，不妄下断语。
Obtain counsel of others.
Defend those who are absent.
●保护不在场的人。
Be sincere yet decisive.
●诚恳但立场坚定。
Develop one new proficiency a year.
●每年掌握一种新技能。
Plan tomorrow's work today.
●今天计划明天的工作。
Hustle while you wait.
●抓紧等待的时间。
Maintain a positive attitude.
Keep a sense of humor.
●态度积极，保持幽默。
Be orderly in person and in work.
●生活与工作有条不紊。
Do not fear mistakes -- fear only the absence of creative,
constructive, and corrective responses to those mistakes.
●别怕犯错——怕的是不能记取教训。
Facilitate the success of subordinates.
●协助属下成功。
Listen twice as much as you speak.
●多请教别人。
Concentrate all abilities and efforts on the task at hand, not
worrying about the next job or promotion.
●珍惜现在。
A woman seeking to balance family and work values has expressed her
sense of personal mission differently:
对于一位希望兼顾家庭与事业的妇女，她的使命感便不尽相同：
I will seek to balance career and family as best I can since both are
important to me.
●我兼顾事业与家庭，因为两者对我都很重要。
My home will be a place where I and my family, friends, and guests
find joy, comfort, peace, and happiness. Still I will seek to create
a clean and orderly environment, yet livable and comfortable. I will
exercise wisdom in what we choose to eat, read, see, and do at home.
I especially want to teach my children to love, to learn, and to laugh
--and to work and develop their unique talents.
●家庭是平安、祥和与幸福之地，我要以智慧来创造整洁温馨的环境，并教导子女
有爱心、进取与充满欢愉，培养他们发挥长才。
I value the rights, freedoms, and responsibilities of our democratic
society. I will be a concerned and informed citizen, involved in the
political process to ensure my voice is heard and my vote is counted.
●珍惜民主社会的权利与自由，善尽社会一分子的责任。
I will be a self-starting individual who exercises initiative in
accomplishing my life's goals. I will act on situations and
opportunities, rather than to be acted upon.
●积极主动追求人生目标。
I will always try to keep myself free from addictive and destructive
habits. I will develop habits that free me from old labels and limits
and expand my capabilities and choices.
●避免养成恶习，不断改进自己。
My money will be my #servant, not my master. I will seek financial
independence over time. My wants will be subject to my needs and my
means. Except for long-term home and car loans, I will seek to keep
myself free from consumer debt. I will spend less than I earn and
regularly save or invest part of my income.
●金钱是人的奴隶而非主人。我要追求经济独立，量入为出，并定期储蓄或投资一
部分收入。
Moreover, I will use what money and talents I have to make life more
enjoyable for others through service and #charitable giving.
●我愿贡献金钱与才智，改善他人的生活。
You could call a personal mission statement a personal constitution.
Like the United States Constitution, it's fundamentally changeless.
In over 200 years, there have been only 26 amendments, 10 of which
were in the original Bill of Rights.
The United States Constitution is the standard by which every law in
the country is #evaluated. It is the document the president agrees to
defend and support when he takes the Oath of Allegiance. It is the
 #criterion by which people are admitted into citizenship. It is the
foundation and the center that enables people to ride through such
major #traumas as the Civil War, Vietnam, or Watergate. It is the
written standard, the key criterion by which everything else is
evaluated and directed.
The Constitution has endured and serves its vital function today
because it is based on correct principles, on the self-evident truths
contained in the Declaration of Independence. These principles
empower the Constitution with a timeless strength, even in the midst
of social ambiguity and change. "Our peculiar security," said Thomas
Jefferson, "is in the possession of a written Constitution."
A personal mission statement based on correct principles becomes the
same kind of standard for an individual. It becomes a personal
constitution, the basis for making major, life-directing decisions,
the basis for making daily decisions in the midst of the circumstances
and emotions that affect our lives. It empowers individuals with the
same timeless strength in the midst of change.
个人使命宣言是行为处事的根本大法，好比一国的宪法。不管世事如何多变，环
境多么艰困，它依然不为所动。
People can't live with change if there's not a changeless core inside
them. The key to the ability to change is a changeless sense of who
you are, what you are about and what you value.
With a mission statement, we can flow with changes. We don't need
prejudgments or prejudices. We don't need to figure out everything
else in life, to stereotype and categorize everything and everybody in
order to accommodate reality
凡是心中秉持恒久不变真理的人，才能屹立于动荡的环境中。因为一个人的应变
能力取决于他对自我、目标以及价值观的不变信念。确立个人使命之后，我们就
不必借助成见或偏见来面对变局，如此一来，便能保持安全感。
Our personal environment is also changing at an ever-increasing pace.
Such rapid change burns out a large number of people who feel they can
hardly handle it, can hardly cope with life. They become reactive and
essentially give up, hoping that the things that happen to them will
be good.
But it doesn't have to be that way. In the Nazi death camps where
Viktor Frankl learned the principle of proactivity, he also learned
the importance of purpose, of meaning in life. The essence of
"logotherapy," the philosophy he later developed and taught, is that
many so-called mental and emotional illnesses are really symptoms of
an underlying sense of meaninglessness or emptiness. Logotherapy
eliminates that emptiness by helping the individual to detect his
unique meaning, his mission in life.
Once you have that sense of mission, you have the essence of your own
proactivity. You have the vision and the values which direct your
life. You have the basic direction from which you set your long- and
short-term goals. You have the power of a written constitution based
on correct principles, against which every decision concerning the
most effective use of your time, your talents, and your energies can
be effectively measured.
世界变动太快，许多人难以适应，因而选择了退缩与放弃，其实人生不必如此消
极。弗兰克尔在纳粹死亡集中营中，不仅觉悟到积极主动的真谛，还体会到生命
意义的重要。后来他提倡一种“标记疗法”(logotherapy)，基本理论便是：许多心
理与情绪疾病事实上只是失落感、空虚感在作祟。标记疗法可以协助病人找回生
命的意义与使命，以祛除内心的空虚。
** At the Center 直指核心
In order to write a personal mission statement, we must begin at the
very center of our Circle of Influence, that center comprised of our
most basic Our paradigms, the lens through which we see the world.
It is here that we deal with our vision and our values. It is here
that we use our endowment of self-awareness to examine our maps and,
if we value correct principles, to make certain that our maps
accurately describe the territory, that our paradigms are based on
principles and reality. It is here that we use our endowment of
conscience as a compass to help us detect our own unique talents and
areas of contribution. It is here that we use our endowment of
imagination to mentally create the end we desire, giving direction and
purpose to our beginnings and providing the substance of a written
personal constitution.
It is also here that our focused efforts achieve the greatest results.
As we work within the very center of our Circle of Influence, we
expand it. This is highest-leverage PC work, significantly impacting
the effectiveness of every aspect of our lives.
Whatever is at the center of our life will be the source of our
security, guidance, wisdom, and power.
想要确立个人使命，必须从影响圈的核心开始，因为这是一切思想观念的根本，
也是安全感、人生方向、智慧与力量的泉源。
Security represents your sense of worth, your identity, your emotional
anchorage, your self-esteem, your basic personal strength or lack of
it.
Guidance means your source of direction in life. Encompassed by your
map, your internal frame of reference that interprets for you what is
happening out there, are standards or principles or implicit criteria
that govern moment-by-moment decision-making and doing.
Wisdom is your perspective on life, your sense of balance, your
understanding of how the various parts and principles apply and relate
to each other. It embraces judgment, discernment, comprehension. It
is a gestalt or oneness, an integrated wholeness.
Power is the faculty or capacity to act, the strength and potency to
accomplish something. It is the vital energy to make choices and
decisions. It also includes the capacity to overcome deeply embedded
habits and to cultivate higher, more effective ones.
“安全感”代表价值观、认同、自尊自重与归属感。“人生方向”是生命的追求方向
以及决断所依据的原则。“智慧”是对事物的认知、理解与判断能力。“力量”则指
采取行动、达成目标的能耐。
These four factors -- security, guidance, wisdom, and power -- are
interdependent. Security and clear guidance bring true wisdom, and
wisdom becomes the spark or catalyst to release and direct power.
When these four factors are present together, harmonized and enlivened
by each other, they create the great force of a noble personality, a
balanced character, a beautifully integrated individual.
这四者相辅相成，安全感与明确的方向可以带来智慧，智慧则能激发行动。若四
者十分健全且均衡发展，便能产生高尚的人格、平和的个性与完美正直的个体。
These life-support factors also undergird every other dimension of
life. And none of them is an all-or-nothing matter. The degree to
which you have developed each one could be charted somewhere on a
continuum, much like the Maturity Continuum described earlier. At the
bottom end, the four factors are weak. You are basically dependent on
circumstances or other people, things over which you have no direct
control. At the top end you are in control. You have independent
strength and the foundation for rich, interdependent relationships.
Your security lies somewhere on the continuum between extreme
insecurity on one end, wherein your life is buffeted by all the fickle
forces that play upon it, and a deep sense of high intrinsic worth and
personal security on the other end. Your guidance ranges on the
continuum from dependence on the social mirror or other unstable,
fluctuating sources to strong inner direction. Your wisdom falls
somewhere between a totally inaccurate map where everything is
distorted and nothing seems to fit, and a complete and accurate map of
life wherein all the parts and principles are properly related to each
other. Your power lies somewhere between immobilization or being a
puppet pulled by someone else's strings to high proactivity, the power
to act according to your own values instead of being acted upon by
other people and circumstances.
The location of these factors on the continuum, the resulting degree
of their integration, harmony, and balance, and their positive impact
on every aspect of your life is a function of your center, the basic
paradigms at your very core.
这四方面的成熟度，同样可以用依赖——独立——互赖三阶段来衡量。处于最底层依
赖阶段的人，则极度缺乏安全感，他们凭借社会价值订定方向，对外界认识不
清，缺乏行动勇气或受人摆布。若是位在最高的互赖层次，则能肯定自我，处世
泰然；他们确知自己的努力方向，深谙待人接物的艺术，积极主动，不假外求。
** Alternative Centers
Each of us has a center, though we usually don't recognize it as such.
Neither do we recognize the all-encompassing effects of that center on
every aspect of our lives.
Let's briefly examine several centers or core paradigms people
typically have for a better understanding of how they affect these
four fundamental dimensions and, ultimately, the sum of life that
flows from them.
人人都有生活重心，即使不一定意识得到，但它依旧存在。一般而言，生活重心
可以分为以下数种：
Spouse Centeredness. Marriage can be the most intimate, the most
satisfying, the most enduring, growth-producing of human
relationships. It might seem natural and proper to be centered on
one's husband or wife.
一、以配偶为重心：婚姻可说是最亲密持久、最美好可贵的人际关系，因此以丈
夫或妻子为生活重心，再自然不过了。
But experience and observation tell a different story. Over the
years, I have been involved in working with many troubled marriages,
and I have observed a certain thread weaving itself through almost
every spouse-centered relationship I have encountered. That thread is
strong emotional dependence.
If our sense of emotional worth comes primarily from our marriage,
then we become highly dependent upon that relationship. We become
vulnerable to the moods and feelings, the behavior and treatment of
our spouse, or to any external event that may impinge on the
relationship -- a new child, in-laws, economic setbacks, social
successes, and so forth.
但根据我多年来担任婚姻顾问的经验，以配偶为重心的婚姻关系，多半发生情感
过度依赖的问题。太过于重视婚姻，会使人的情感异常脆弱，经不起些许打击，
甚至无法面对如新生儿降临或经济窘迫等变化。
When responsibilities increase and stresses come in the marriage, we
tend to revert to the scripts we were given as we were growing up.
But so does our spouse. And those scripts are usually different.
Different ways of handling financial, child-discipline, or in-law
issues come to the surface. When these deep-seated tendencies combine
with the emotional dependency in the marriage, the spouse-centered
relationship reveals all its vulnerability.
婚姻会带来更多的责任与压力，一般人通常根据以往所受的教养来应付。然而两
个背景不同的人，思想必定有差异，于是乎理财、教养子女、婆家或岳家的问
题，都会引起争执。若再加上其中一方情感难以独立，这桩婚姻便岌岌可危。
When we are dependent on the person with whom we are in conflict, both
need and conflict are compounded. Love-hate overreactions,
fight-or-flight tendencies, withdrawal, aggressiveness, bitterness,
resentment, and cold competition are some of the usual results. When
these occur, we tend to fall even further back on background
tendencies and habits in an effort to justify and defend our own
behavior and we attack our spouse's.
Inevitably, anytime we are too vulnerable we feel the need to protect
ourselves from further wounds. So we resort to sarcasm, cutting
humor, criticism --anything that will keep from exposing the
tenderness within. Each partner tends to wait on the initiative of
the other for love, only to be disappointed but also confirmed as to
the rightness of the accusations made.
There is only phantom security in such a relationship when all appears
to be going well. Guidance is based on the emotion of the moment.
Wisdom and power are lost in the counterdependent negative
interactions.
如果我们一方面在情感上依赖对方，一方面又与对方有所突击，就极易陷入爱恨
交织、进退失据的矛盾中。为了保护自己，便更加退缩及排斥对方。于是，冷嘲
热讽代替了真实的感受，感情用事的结果是失去了方向、智慧与力量。纵使表面
似乎保住了安全感，实则不然。
Family Centeredness. Another common center is the family. This, too,
may seem to be natural and proper. As an area of focus and deep
investment, it provides great opportunities for deep relationships,
for loving, for sharing, for much that makes life worthwhile. But as
a center, it ironically destroys the very elements necessary to family
success.
二、以家庭为重心：以家庭为重的现象也十分普遍，而且似乎理所当然。家的确
带来爱与被爱、同甘共苦以及归属的感觉，但过分重视家庭，反而有害家庭生活。
People who are family-centered get their sense of security or personal worth from the family
tradition and culture or the family reputation. Thus, they become vulnerable to any changes in that
tradition or culture and to any influences that would affect that reputation.
Family-centered parents do not have the emotional freedom, the power, to raise their children with
their ultimate welfare truly in mind. If they derive their own security from the family, their need to be
popular with their children may override the importance of a long-term investment in their children's
growth and development. Or they may be focused on the proper and correct behavior of the moment.
Any behavior that they consider improper threatens their security. They become upset, guided by the
emotions of the moment, spontaneously reacting to the immediate concern rather than the long-term
growth and development of the child. They may overreact and punish out of bad temper. They tend
to love their children conditionally, making them emotionally dependent or counterdependent and
rebellious.
太仰赖家庭提供安全感及价值感，太重视家族传统与名誉，通常无法接受任何可
能影响这些传统与声誉的改变。以家庭为重的父母，不能为子女的真正幸福着
想，他们的爱往往是有条件的。结果若非导致子女更为依赖，就是变得叛逆。
Money Centeredness. Another logical and extremely common center to
people's lives is making money. Economic security is basic to one's
opportunity to do much in any other dimension. In a hierarchy or
continuum of needs, physical survival and financial security comes
first. Other needs are not even activated until that basic need is
satisfied, at least minimally.
三、以金钱为重心：谁也无法否认钱的重要，经济上的安全感也是人类最基本的
需求之一，因此追求财富无可厚非。但若惟利是图，往往得不偿失。
Most of us face economic worries. Many forces in the wider culture
can and do act upon our economic situation, causing or threatening
such disruption that we often experience concern and worry that may
not always rise to the conscious surface.
Sometimes there are apparently noble reasons given for making money,
such as the desire to take care of one's family. And these things are
important. But to focus on money-making as a center will bring about
its own undoing.
Consider again the four life-support factors -- security, guidance,
wisdom, and power. Suppose I derive much of my security from my
employment or from my income or net worth. Since many factors affect
these economic foundations, I become anxious and uneasy, protective
and defensive, about anything that may affect them. When my sense of
personal worth comes from my net worth, I am vulnerable to anything
that will affect that net worth. But work and money, per se, provide
no wisdom, no guidance, and only a limited degree of power and
security. All it takes to show the limitations of a money center is a
crisis in my life or in the life of a loved one.
如果一个人的安全感与价值观完全建立在金钱的多寡上，势必寝食难安，因为影
响财富的变数太多，任何一个闪失都令人承受不起。但是钱却不能带来智慧或指
引生命的方向，只能提供有限的力量与安全感。
Money-centered people often put aside family or other priorities,
assuming everyone will understand that economic demands come first. I
know one father who was leaving with his children for a promised trip
to the circus when a phone call came for him to come to work instead.
He declined. When his wife suggested that perhaps he should have gone
to work, he responded, "The work will come again, but childhood
won't." For the rest of their lives his children remembered this
little act of priority setting, not only as an object lesson in their
minds but as an expression of love in their hearts.
有人为了逐利，不惜将家庭及其他重要事物摆在一边，而且以为别人都认同这种
做法。我认识一位可敬的父亲，准备带子女出游时，忽然接到公司要求加班的电
话，但是他回绝了，因为“工作还会再来，童年却只有一次”。这一幕深深印在子
女脑海里，永志不忘。
Work Centeredness. Work-centered people may become "workaholics,"
driving themselves to produce at the sacrifice of health,
relationships, and other important areas of their lives. Their
fundamental identity comes from their work -- "I'm a doctor," "I'm a
writer," "I'm an actor."
Because their identity and sense of self-worth are wrapped up in their
work, their security is vulnerable to anything that happens to prevent
them from continuing in it. Their guidance is a function of the
demands of the work. Their wisdom and power come in the limited areas
of their work, rendering them ineffective in other areas of life.
四、以工作为重心：只知埋头苦干的“工作狂”，即使牺牲健康、家庭与人际关系
也在所不惜。他的生命价值只在于他是个医生、作家或演员……一旦无法工作，便
失去所有的生活意义。
Possession Centeredness. A driving force of many people is
possessions --not only tangible, material possessions such as
fashionable clothes, homes, cars, boats, and jewelry, but also the
intangible possessions of fame, glory, or social prominence. Most of
us are aware, through our own experience, how singularly flawed such a
center is, simply because it can vanish rapidly and it is influenced
by so many forces.
五、以名利为重心：占有欲极强的人，想据为己有的不仅是有形的物质，如汽车、
洋房、华服等等；无形的名誉、荣耀与社会地位也决不放过。
If my sense of security lies in my reputation or in the things I have,
my life will be in a constant state of threat and jeopardy that these
possessions may be lost or stolen or devalued. If I'm in the presence
of someone of greater net worth or fame or status, I feel inferior.
If I'm in the presence of someone of lesser net worth or fame or
status, I feel superior. My sense of self-worth constantly
fluctuates. I don't have any sense of constancy or anchorage or
persistent selfhood. I am constantly trying to protect and insure my
assets, properties, securities, position, or reputation. We have all
heard stories of people committing suicide after losing their fortunes
in a significant stock decline or their fame in a political #reversal.
我们都知道名利不可依靠，因为它们随时可以毁于一旦，一个人若必须靠名利与
物质来肯定自我，必定时时处于惶惶不安的状态中，深恐身外之物转眼成空。当
他们面对条件比自己更好的人，便相形见拙；见到略逊一筹的人，又趾高气扬。
如此一来，自我价值起伏不定，永无宁日。难怪有人在股票大跌或政坛失意后，
会选择自戕一途。
Pleasure Centeredness. Another common center, closely #allied with
possessions, is that of fun and pleasure. We live in a world where
instant gratification is available and encouraged. Television and
movies are major influences in increasing people's expectations. They
graphically #portray what other people have and can do in living the
life of ease and "fun."
But while the glitter of pleasure-centered lifestyles is graphically
portrayed, the natural result of such lifestyles --the impact on the
inner person, on productivity, on relationships --is seldom accurately
seen.
六、以享乐为重心：在当前崇尚速成的世界里，享乐之风盛行，不足为奇。电视
与电影喂大了观众的胃口，然而银幕上的浮华生活，骨子里并不如表面上看起来
那般美好光鲜。
Innocent pleasures in moderation can provide relaxation for the body
and mind and can foster family and other relationships. But pleasure,
per se, offers no deep, lasting satisfaction or sense of fulfillment.
The pleasure-centered person, too soon bored with each succeeding
level of "fun," constantly cries for more and more. So the next new
pleasure has to be bigger and better, more exciting, with a bigger
"high." A person in this state becomes almost entirely narcissistic,
interpreting all of life in terms of the pleasure it provides to the
self here and now.
真正的快乐可使人身心舒畅，短暂的刺激却丝毫不能给人持久的快乐与满足。贪
图享乐的人很快便会对既有的刺激感到乏味，然后就得追求更刺激的“快感”。
Too many vacations that last too long, too many movies, too much TV,
too much video game playing -- too much undisciplined leisure time in
which a person continually takes the course of least resistance
--gradually wastes a life. It ensures that a person's capacities stay
dormant, that talents remain undeveloped, that the mind and spirit
become lethargic and that the heart is unfulfilled. Where is the
security, the guidance, the wisdom, and the power? At the low end of
the continuum, in the pleasure of a fleeting moment.
休太长的假，看太多的电影、电视，打太多的电子游戏，长久无所事事，都只是
浪费生命。无益于增长智慧，激发潜能，增进安全感或指引人生，只不过制造更
多的空虚而已。
Malcom Muggeridge writes "A Twentieth-Century Testimony":
马格里奇(Malcolm Muggeridge)在《二十世纪的圣经》(A Twentieth-Century
Testimony)中写到：
When I look back on my life nowadays, which I sometimes do, what
strikes me most forcibly about it is that what seemed at the time most
significant and seductive, seems now most futile and absurd. For
instance, success in all of its various guises; being known and being
praised; ostensible pleasures, like acquiring money or seducing women,
or traveling, going to and fro in the world and up and down in it like
Satan, explaining and experiencing whatever Vanity Fair has to offer.
回忆旧日生活，对我触动最大的是，当时看上去十分重要、十分吸引人的事，现
在看来微不足道，荒唐可笑。比方，各种各样的成功、名气和赞誉；得到金钱或
吸引女人后的欢愉；旅行，像撒旦那样上下沉浮，经历着浮华世界里的一切。
In retrospect, all these exercises in self-gratification seem pure
fantasy, what Pascal called, "licking the earth."
回想起来，所有这些满足都已虚无缥缈。
Friend/ Enemy Centeredness. Young people are particularly, though
certainly not exclusively, susceptible to becoming friend-centered.
Acceptance and belonging to a peer group can become almost supremely
important. The distorted and ever-changing social mirror becomes the
source for the four life-support factors, creating a high degree of
dependence on the fluctuating moods, feelings, attitudes, and behavior
of others.
七、以敌人或朋友为重心：青少年尤其容易陷于以朋友为重的情结中。为了被同
行团体接纳，他们愿付出一切代价；对团体的所有价值观，也都照单全收，因而
极为依赖团体。
Friend centeredness can also focus exclusively on one person, taking
on some of the dimensions of marriage. The emotional dependence on
one individual, the escalating need/ conflict spiral, and the
resulting negative interactions can grow out of friend centeredness.
以朋友为重心，可能只针对一个人而言，情况类似以配偶为重心。也就是完全为
对方而活，导致的不良后果则大同小异。
And what about putting an enemy at the center of one's life? Most
people would never think of it, and probably no one would ever do it
consciously. Nevertheless, enemy centering is very common,
particularly when there is frequent interaction between people who are
in real conflict. When someone feels he has been unjustly dealt with
by an emotionally or socially significant person, it is very easy for
him to become preoccupied with the injustice and make the other person
the center of his life. Rather than proactively leading his own life,
the enemy-centered person is counterdependently reacting to the
behavior and attitudes of a perceived enemy.
以敌人为重心，似乎少有所闻，其实这种现象相当普遍，只是不易被察觉罢了。
当某人觉得遭到重要人物(如主管)的不公平待遇后，很容易耿耿于怀，所作所为
都为了要反抗待他不公的人。这就是以敌人为生活重心。
One friend of mine who taught at a university became very distraught
because of the weaknesses of a particular administrator with whom he
had a negative relationship. He allowed himself to think about the
man constantly until eventually it became an obsession. It so
preoccupied him that it affected the quality of his relationships with
his family, his church, and his working associates. He finally came
to the conclusion that he had to leave the university and accept a
teaching appointment somewhere else.
我有一位朋友在大学教书，由于与行政主管交恶，便终日以对方为假想敌，几乎
到了走火入魔的地步。家庭生活与工作都大受影响，最后逼得他不得不选择离开。
"Wouldn't you really prefer to teach at this university, if the man
were not here?" I asked him.
于是我问他：“如果不是那位仁兄，你宁愿继续留下来，对不对?”
"Yes, I would," he responded. "But as long as he is here, then my
staying is too disruptive to everything in life. I have to go.
他回答：“是的，可是只要他在一天，我便永远不得安宁，只好另谋高就。”
"Why have you made this administrator the center of your life?" I
asked him.
“你为什么让他成了你生活的重心?”
He was shocked by the question. He denied it. But I pointed out to
him that he was allowing one individual and his weaknesses to distort
his entire map of life, to undermine his faith and the quality of his
relationships with his loved ones.
He finally admitted that this individual had had such an impact on
him, but he denied that he himself had made all these choices. He
attributed the responsibility for the unhappy situation to the
administrator. He, himself, he declared, was not responsible.
As we talked, little by little, he came to realize that he was indeed
responsible, but that because he did not handle this responsibility
well, he was being irresponsible.
朋友被这个问题震住了，一口否认。但我分析道理，说明他咎由自取。朋友起先
只承认行政主管的确对他影响很大，但认为错在对方。最后经过我不断开导，才
承认自己也应负一部分责任。
Many divorced people fall into a similar pattern. They are still
consumed with anger and bitterness and self-justification regarding an
ex-spouse. In a negative sense, psychologically they are still
married -- they each need the weaknesses of the former partner to
justify their accusations.
Many "older" children go through life either secretly or openly hating
their parents. They blame them for past abuses, neglect, or
favoritism and they center their adult life on that hatred, living out
the reactive, justifying script that accompanies it.
有些离婚的人，仍念念不忘对前夫前妻的深仇大恨；有些已成年的子女，仍为父
母当年的忽视、偏心或责骂而愤愤不平，这也都是以敌人为重心。
The individual who is friend- or enemy-centered has no intrinsic
security. Feelings of self-worth are volatile, a function of the
emotional state or behavior of other people. Guidance comes from the
person's perception of how others will respond, and wisdom is limited
by the social lens or by an enemy-centered paranoia. The individual
has no power. Other people are pulling the strings.
以朋友或敌人为重心的人没有安全感。他们的价值观变化无常，受制于他人的情
绪和行为，时时揣摩如何反击。这样的个人是没有力量的，时时被别人牵着鼻子
走。
Church Centeredness. I believe that almost anyone who is seriously
involved in any church will recognize that churchgoing is not
synonymous with personal spirituality. There are some people who get
so busy in church worship and projects that they become insensitive to
the pressing human needs that surround them, contradicting the very
precepts they profess to believe deeply. There are others who attend
church less frequently or not at all but whose attitudes and behavior
reflect a more genuine centering in the principles of the basic
Judeo-Christian ethic.
Having participated throughout my life in organized church and
community service groups, I have found that attending church does not
necessarily mean living the principles taught in those meetings. You
can be active in a church but inactive in its gospel.
In the church-centered life, image or appearance can become a person's
dominant consideration, leading to hypocrisy that undermines personal
security and intrinsic worth. Guidance comes from a social
conscience, and the church-centered person tends to label others
artificially in terms of "active," "inactive," "liberal," "orthodox,"
or "conservative."
Because the church is a formal organization made up of policies,
programs, practices, and people, it cannot by itself give a person any
deep, permanent security or sense of intrinsic worth. Living the
principles taught by the church can do this, but the organization
alone cannot.
Nor can the church give a person a constant sense of guidance.
Church-centered people often tend to live in compartments, acting and
thinking and feeling in certain ways on the Sabbath and in totally
different ways on weekdays. Such a lack of wholeness or unity or
integrity is a further threat to security, creating the need for
increased labeling and self-justifying.
Seeing the church as an end rather than as a means to an end
undermines a person's wisdom and sense of balance. Although the
church claims to teach people about the source of power, it does not
claimtobethatpoweritself.
Itclaimstobeonevehiclethroughwhichdivinepowercanbechanneled into man's
nature.
八、以宗教为重心：有人对宗教活动极为热衷，甚或没有宗教信仰，言行却更合
乎宗教劝人向善的宗旨。
Self-Centeredness. Perhaps the most common center today is the self.
The most obvious form is selfishness, which violates the values of
most people. But if we look closely at many of the popular approaches
to growth and self-fulfillment, we often find self-centering at their
core.
There is little security, guidance, wisdom, or power in the limited
center of self. Like the Dead Sea in Palestine, it accepts but never
gives. It becomes stagnant.
On the other hand, paying attention to the development of self in the
greater perspective of improving one's ability to serve, to produce,
to contribute in meaningful ways, gives context for dramatic increase
in the four life-support factors
九、以自我为重心：时下最常见的恐怕就是以自我为中心的人，他们最明显的特
征就是自私自利。然而，市面上盛行的个人成功术，无一不以个人为中心，标榜
只索取不付出。殊不知狭隘的自我中心观，会使人缺乏安全感和人生方向，而且
也不会有智慧及行动力量。惟有为造福人群、无私奉献，而追求自我成长，才能
在这四方面有所长进。
These are some of the more common centers from which people approach
life. It is often much easier to recognize the center in someone
else's life than to see it in your own. You probably know someone who
puts making money ahead of everything else. You probably know someone
whose energy is devoted to justifying his or her position in an
ongoing negative relationship. If you look, you can sometimes see
beyond behavior into the center that creates it.
** Identifying YourCenter 你的生活重心是什么?
But where do you stand? What is at the center of your own life?
Sometimes that isn't easy to see
Perhaps the best way to identify your own center is to look closely at
your life-support factors. If you can identify with one or more of
the descriptions below, you can trace it back to the center from which
it flows, a center which may be limiting your personal effectiveness.
If you are Spouse Centered...
SECURITY
Your feelings of security are based on the way your spouse treats you.
You are highly vulnerable to the moods and feelings of your spouse.
There is deep disappointment resulting in withdrawal or conflict when your spouse disagrees with
you or does not meet your expectations.
Anything that may impinge on the relationship is perceived as a threat.
GUIDANCE
Your direction comes from your own needs and wants and from those of your spouse.
Your decision-making criterion is limited to what you think is best for your marriage or your mate,
or to the preferences and opinions of your spouse.
Your decision-making criterion is limited to what you think is best for your marriage or your mate,
or to the preferences and opinions of your spouse.
WISDOM
Your life perspective surrounds things which may positively or negatively influence your spouse or
your relationship.
POWER
Your power to act is limited by weaknesses in your spouse and in yourself.
If you are Family Centered...
SECURITY
Your security is founded on family acceptance and fulfilling family expectations.
Your sense of personal security is as volatile as the family.
Your feelings of self-worth are based on the family reputation.
GUIDANCE
Family scripting is your source of correct attitudes and behaviors.
Your decision-making criterion is what is good for the family, or what family members want.
WISDOM
You interpret all of life in terms of your family, creating a partial understanding and family
narcissism.
POWER
Your actions are limited by family models traditions.
If you are Money Centered...
SECURITY
Your personal worth is determined by your net worth.
You are vulnerable to anything that threatens your economic security.
GUIDANCE
Profit is your decision-making criterion.
WISDOM
Money-making is the lens through which life is seen and understood, creating imbalanced
judgment.
POWER
You are restricted to what you can accomplish with your money and your limited vision.
*** If you are Work Centered...
SECURITY
You tend to define yourself by your occupational role.
You are only comfortable when you are working.
GUIDANCE
You make your decisions based on the needs and expectations of your work.
THESEVENHABITSOFHIGHLYEFFECTIVEPEOPLE BroughttoyoubyFlyHeart
WISDOM
You tend to be limited to your work role.
POWER
Your actions are limited by work role models, organizational constraints, occupational opportunities,
your boss's perceptions, and your possible inability at some point in your life to do that particular work.
*** If you are Possession Centered...
SECURITY
Your security is based on your reputation, your social status, or the tangible things you possess.
You tend to compare what you have to what others have.
GUIDANCE
You make your decisions based on what will protect, increase, or better display your possessions.
WISDOM
You see the world in terms of comparative economic and social relationships.
POWER
You function within the limits of what you can buy or the social prominence you can achieve.
*** If you are Pleasure Centered...
SECURITY
You feel secure only when you're on a pleasure "high.
Your security is short-lived, anesthetizing, and dependent on your environment.
GUIDANCE
You make your decisions based on what will give you the most pleasure.
WISDOM
You see the world in terms of what's in it for you.
POWER
Your power is almost negligible.
*** If you are Friend Centered...
SECURITY
Your security is a function of the social mirror.
You are highly dependent on the opinion of others.
GUIDANCE
Your decision-making criterion is "What will they think?
You are easily embarrassed.
WISDOM
You see the world through a social lens.
Your actions are as fickle as opinion.
POWER
You are limited by your social comfort zone.
*** If you are Enemy Centered...
SECURITY
Your security is volatile, based on the movements of your enemy.
You are always wondering what he is up to.
You seek self-justification and validation from the like-minded.
GUIDANCE
You are counter-dependently guided by your enemy's actions.
THESEVENHABITSOFHIGHLYEFFECTIVEPEOPLE BroughttoyoubyFlyHeart
You make your decisions based on what will thwart your enemy.
WISDOM
Your judgment is narrow and distorted.
You are defensive, over-reactive, and often paranoid.
POWER
The little power you do have comes from anger, envy, resentment, and vengeance -- negative energy
that shrivels and destroys, leaving energy for littlle else.
*** If you are Church Centered...
SECURITY
Your security is based on church activity and on the esteem in which you are held by those in
authority or influence in the church.
You find identity and security in religious labels and comparisons.
GUIDANCE
You are guided by how others will evaluate your actions in the context of church teachings and
expectations.
WISDOM
You see the world in terms of "believers" and "non-believers," "belongers" and "non-belongers.
POWER
Perceived power comes from your church position or role.
*** If you are Self-Centered...
SECURITY
Your security is constantly changing and shifting.
GUIDANCE
Your judgment criteria are: "If it feels good..." "What I want." "What I need." "What's in it for me?
WISDOM
You view the world by how decisions, events, or circumstances will affect you.
POWER
Your ability to act is limited to your own resources, without the benefits of interdependency.
More often than not, a person's center is some combination of these and/ or other centers. Most
people are very much a function of a variety of influences that play upon their lives. Depending on
external or internal conditions, one particular center may be activated until the underlying needs are
satisfied. Then another center becomes the compelling force.
As a person fluctuates from one center to another, the resulting relativism is like roller coasting
through life. One moment you're high, the next moment you're low, making efforts to compensate for
one weakness by borrowing strength from another weakness. There is no consistent sense of direction,
no persistent wisdom, no steady power supply or sense of personal, intrinsic worth and identity.
The ideal, of course, is to create one clear center from which you consistently derive a high degree of
security, guidance, wisdom, and power, empowering your proactivity and giving congruency and
harmony to every part of your life.
一般而言，我们都是以上某几种形态的混合体，随外在情势的不同而有所调整。
此一时可能以朋友为重心，彼一时或许又变为以配偶为重心。
生活重心如此摇摆不定，情绪上难免起起落落，一会儿意兴风发，一会儿颓唐沮
丧；一会儿斗志昂扬，一会儿又落魄消沉。
所以，最理想的状况还是建立明确固定的生活重心，使人生更平顺、更和谐。
** A Principle Center 以原则为重心
By centering our lives on correct principles, we create a solid
foundation for development of the four life-support factors.
Our security comes from knowing that, unlike other centers based on
people or things which are subject to frequent and immediate change,
correct principles do not change. We can depend on them Principles
don't react to anything. They won't divorce us or run away with our
best friend. They aren't out to get us. They can't pave our way with
shortcuts and quick fixes. They don't depend on the behavior of
others, the environment, or the current fad for their validity.
Principles don't die. They aren't here one day and gone the next.
They can't be destroyed by fire, earthquake, or theft.
Principles are deep, fundamental truths, classic truths, generic
common denominators. They are tightly interwoven threads running with
exactness, consistency, beauty, and strength through the fabric of
life.
Even in the midst of people or circumstances that seem to ignore the
principles, we can be secure in the knowledge that principles are
bigger than people or circumstances, and that thousands of years of
history have seen them triumph, time and time again. Even more
important, we can be secure in the knowledge that we can validate them
in our own lives, by our own experience.
Admittedly, we're not omniscient. Our knowledge and understanding of
correct principles is limited by our own lack of awareness of our true
nature and the world around us and by the flood of trendy philosophies
and theories that are not in harmony with correct principles. These
ideas will have their season of acceptance, but, like many before
them, they won't endure because they're built on false foundations.
We are limited, but we can push back the borders of our limitations.
An understanding of the principle of our own growth enables us to
search out correct principles with the confidence that the more we
learn, the more clearly we can focus the lens through which we see the
world. The principles don't change; our understanding of them does.
The wisdom and guidance that accompany Principle-Centered Living come
from correct maps, from the way things really are, have been, and will
be. Correct maps enable us to clearly see where we want to go and how
to get there. We can make our decisions using the correct data that
will make their implementation possible and meaningful.
The personal power that comes from Principle-Centered Living is the
power of a self-aware, knowledgeable, proactive individual,
unrestricted by the attitudes, behaviors, and actions of others or by
many of the circumstances and environmental influences that limit
other people.
The only real limitation of power is the natural consequences of the
principles themselves. We are free to choose our actions, based on
our knowledge of correct principles, but we are not free to choose the
consequences of those actions. Remember, "If you pick up one end of
the stick, you pick up the other.
Principles always have natural consequences attached to them. There
are positive consequences when we live in harmony with the principles.
There are negative consequences when we ignore them. But because
these principles apply to everyone, whether or not they are aware,
this limitation is universal. And the more we know of correct
principles, the greater is our personal freedom to act wisely.
By centering our lives on timeless, unchanging principles, we create a
fundamental paradigm of effective living. It is the center that puts
all other centers in perspective.
If you are Principle Centered...
*** SECURITY
Your security is based on correct principles that do not change,
regardless of external conditions or circumstances.
You know that true principles can repeatedly be validated in your own
life, through your own experiences.
As a measurement of self-improvement, correct principles function with
exactness, consistency, beauty and strength.
Correct principles help you understand your own development, endowing
you with the confidence to learnmore,therebyincreasing
yourknowledgeand understanding.
Your source of security provides you with an immovable, unchanging,
unfailing core enabling you to see change as an exciting adventure and
opportunity to make significant contributions.
*** GUIDANCE
You are guided by a compass which enables you to see where you want to
go and how you will get there.
You use accurate data which makes your decisions both implementable
and meaningful.
You stand apart from life's situations, and circumstances and look at
the balanced whole. Your decisions and actions reflect both short and
long-term considerations and implications.
In every situation, you consciously, proactively determine the best
alternative, basing decisions on conscience educated by principles.
*** WISDOM
Your judgment encompasses a broad spectrum of long-term consequences
and reflects a wise balance and quiet assurance.
You see things differently and thus you think and act differently from
the largely reactive world.
You view the world through a fundamental paradigm for effective,
provident living.
You see the world in terms of what you can do for the world and its
people.
You adopt a proactive lifestyle, seeking to serve and build others.
You interpret all of life's experiences in terms of opportunities for
learning and contribution.
*** POWER
Your power is limited only by your understanding and observance of
natural law and correct principles and by the natural consequences of
the principles themselves.
You become a self-aware, knowledgeable, proactive individual, largely
unrestricted by the attitudes, behaviors, or actions of others.
Your ability to act reaches far beyond your own resources and
encourages highly developed levels of interdependency.
Your decisions and actions are not driven by your current financial or
circumstantial limitations. You experience an interdependent freedom.
Remember that your paradigm is the source from which your attitudes
and behaviors flow. A paradigm is like a pair of glasses; it affects
the way you see everything in your life. If you look at things
through the paradigm of correct principles, what you see in life is
dramatically different from what you see through any other centered
paradigm.
所谓正确的生活重心，也就是以原则为依归。
原则是恒久不变、历久弥新的，不像其他重心依靠的是善变的人或物。所以原则
值得信赖，更可以增加安全感。同时它是理智而非感情用事的，能带给你“虽千万
人，吾往矣”的信心。
配偶也许会与你离婚，再亲密的朋友也可能离你而去。但原则助人披荆斩棘，克
服人生，也教人处顺境而不迷失方向。原则使人冷静发挥智慧，正确判断；它使
我们不为外力所动，勇往直前。
以原则为生活重心，可说是统合了其他重心而自成一格。
I have included in the Appendix section of this book a detailed chart
which shows how each center we've discussed might possibly affect the
way you see everything else. But for a quick understanding of the
difference your center makes, let's look at just one example of a
specific problem as seen through the different paradigms. As you
read, try to put on each pair of glasses. Try to feel the response
that flows from the different centers.
我们且举实例来说，生活重心不同，产生的观念便互异。(参看附录一)
Suppose tonight you have invited your wife to go to a concert. You
have the tickets; she's excited about going. It's four o'clock in the
afternoon.
All of a sudden, your boss calls you into his office and says he needs
your help through the evening to get ready for an important meeting at
9 A.M. tomorrow.
现在假定你已买好票，准备晚上与妻子(或丈夫)一同去欣赏音乐会，对方兴奋不
已，充满期待。可是突然老板要你晚上加班，因为第二天有一个重要会议。
If you're looking through spouse-centered or family-centered glasses,
your main concern will be your wife. You may tell the boss you can't
stay and you take her to the concert in an effort to please her. You
may feel you have to stay to protect your job, but you'll do so
grudgingly, anxious about her response, trying to justify your
decision and protect yourself from her disappointment or anger.
●对以家庭或配偶为重的人而言，当然是优先考虑配偶的感受。那么你很可能委婉
拒绝老板，以免令配偶大失所望。即使为了保住工作而勉强留下来加班，心里也
一定十分不情愿，一方面还得设法平息配偶的失望与不满。
If you're looking through a money-centered lens, your main thought
will be of the overtime you'll get or the influence working late will
have on a potential raise. You may call your wife and simply tell her
you have to stay, assuming she'll understand that economic demands
come first.
●至于金钱至上的人，则重视加班费，或考虑到加班能使老板在调薪时另眼相看。
你会理直气壮地告诉配偶你要加班，也会理所当然认为对方应该谅解，因为经济
的需求超过一切。
If you're work-centered, you may be thinking of the opportunity. You
can learn more about the job. You can make some points with the boss
and further your career. You may give yourself a pat on the back for
putting hours well beyond what is required, evidence of what a hard
worker you are. Your wife should be proud of you!
●对工作狂来说，加班正中下怀。因为既可增加经验，又有更多表现的机会，有利
于晋升。所以不论是否需要，仍然自动延长加班时间，且自以为配偶一定以此为
荣，对爽约不会小题大作。
If you're possession-centered, you might be thinking of the things the
overtime income could buy. Or you might consider what an asset to
your reputation at the office it would be if you stayed. Everyone
would hear tomorrow how noble, how sacrificing and dedicated you are.
●贪嗜名利的人，则为加班费所增加的购买力而兴奋，或认为加班对个人形象很有
帮助，可借此赢得为工作而牺牲奉献的美誉。
If you're pleasure-centered, you'll probably can the work and go to
the concert, even if your wife would be happy for you to work late.
You deserve a night out! If you're friend-centered, your decision
would be influenced by whether or not you had invited friends to
attend the concert with you. Or whether your friends at work were
going to stay late, too.
●重视享受的人，即使配偶并不介意他加班，仍会撇下工作去赴音乐会，因为他觉
得该慰劳自己一下。
If you're enemy-centered, you may stay late because you know it will
give you a big edge over that person in the office who thinks he's the
company's greatest asset. While he's off having fun, you'll be
working and slaving, doing his work and yours, sacrificing your
personal pleasure for the good of the company he can so blithely
ignore.
●以敌人为念的人，会乐于留下来，因为这可能是一个打击对手的良机。在对方悠
哉游哉的时候拼命工作，正足以证明你对公司的贡献更胜一筹。
If you're church-centered, you might be influenced by plans other
church members have to attend the concert, by whether or not any
church members work at your office, or by the nature of the concert
--Handel's Messiah might rate higher in priority than a rock concert.
Your decision might also be affected by what you think a "good church
member" would do and by whether you view the extra work as "service"
or "seeking after material wealth."
●热衷宗教的人则会衡量，共同加班的人是否信仰同一宗教，或音乐会演奏的是否
为宗教音乐等等，来决定取舍。
If you're self-centered, you'll be focused on what will do you the
most good. Would it be better for you to go out for the evening? Or
would it be better for you to make a few points with the boss? How the
different options affect you will be your main concern.
●自我中心的人只关心，加班或赴音乐会，哪一样对个人的好处较大。
As we consider various ways of looking at a single event, is it any
wonder that we have "young lady/ old lady" perception problems in our
interactions with each other? Can you see how fundamentally our
centers affect us? Right down to our motivations, our daily decisions,
our actions (or, in too many cases, our reactions), our
interpretations of events? That's why understanding your own center is
so important. And if that center does not empower you as a proactive
person, it becomes fundamental to your effectiveness to make the
necessary Paradigm Shifts to create a center that will.
As a principle-centered person, you try to stand apart from the
emotion of the situation and from other factors that would act on you,
and evaluate the option. Looking at the balanced whole --the work
needs, the family needs, other needs that may be involved and the
possible implications of the various alternative decisions --you'll
try to come up with the best solution, taking all factors into
consideration.
●自我中心的人只关心，加班或赴音乐会，哪一样对个人的好处较大。
●但注重原则的人会保持冷静客观的态度，不受情绪或其他因素干扰。然后从整体
的角度——包括工作需要、家庭需要、其他相关因素，以及不同的决定可能造成的
结果——加以考虑，经过深思熟虑，才做出正确的抉择。
Whether you go to the concert or stay and work is really a small part
of an effective decision. You might make the same choice with a
number of other centers. But there are several important differences
when you are coming from a principle-centered paradigm. First, you
are not being acted upon by other people or circumstances. You are
proactively choosing what you determine to be the best alternative.
You make your decisions consciously and knowledgeably.
不论最后选择赴音乐会或是加班，都不足为奇，因为拥有其他生活重心的人也是
两者择一，只不过基本上拥有原则的人所做的抉择会有以下几个特征：
第一，这是主动而非被动的决定。
Second, you know your decision is most effective because it is based
on principles with predictable long-term results.
第二，这是经过通盘考虑所得的结论，不是一时冲动。
Third, what you choose to do contributes to your ultimate values in
life. Staying at work to get the edge on someone at the office is an
entirely different evening in your life from staying because you value
your boss's effectiveness and you genuinely want to contribute to the
company's welfare. The experiences you have as you carry out your
decisions take on quality and meaning in the context of your life as a
whole.
第三，根据原则所做的决定，能提高自我的价值。为了报复他人而决定加班，与
真心为企业福祉着想而加班，结果虽相同，意义却大相径庭。
Fourth, you can communicate to your wife and your boss within strong
networks you've created in your interdependent relationships. Because
you are independent, you can be effectively interdependent. You might
decide to delegate what is delegable and come in early the next
morning to do the rest.
And finally, you'll feel comfortable about your decision. Whatever
you choose to do, you can focus on it and enjoy it.
此外，若平时已与老板及妻子建立良好的互赖关系，此时不难向他们解释如此决
定的缘由，而且也会获得体谅。使你可以心安理得，无所牵挂。
As a principle-centered person, you see things differently. And
because you see things differently, you think differently, you act
differently. Because you have a high degree of security, guidance,
wisdom, and power that flows from a solid, unchanging core, you have
the foundation of a highly proactive and highly effective life.
总而言之，以原则为生活重心的人，见解不同凡响，思想行为也自成一格。由于
拥有坚实的内在，其所获得的高度安全感、人生方向、智慧与力量，使其能享有
积极主动而充实的一生。
** Writing and Using a A Personal Mission Statement 制订和使用个人使用宣言
As we go deeply within ourselves, as we understand and realign our
basic paradigms to bring them in harmony with correct principles, we
create both an effective, empowering center and a clear lens through
which we can see the world. We can then focus that lens on how we, as
unique individuals, relate to that world
Frankl says we detect rather than invent our missions in life. I like
that choice of words. I think each of us has an internal monitor or
sense, a conscience, that gives us an awareness of our own uniqueness
and the singular contributions that we can make. In Frankl's words,
"Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life. Therein
he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated. Thus, everyone's
task is as unique as is his specific opportunity to implement it.
In seeking to give verbal expression to that uniqueness, we are again
reminded of the fundamental importance of proactivity and of working
within our Circle of Influence. To seek some abstract meaning to our
lives out in our Circle of Concern is to abdicate our proactive
responsibility, to place our own first creation in the hands of
circumstance and other people.
Our meaning comes from within. Again, in the words of Frankl,
"Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but
rather must recognize that it is he who is asked. In a word, each man
is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for
his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible."
弗兰克尔说：“我们是发现而不是发明自己的人生使命。”这么说的确再恰当不过
了。凡是人都具备良知与理智，足以发现个人的特长与使命。弗兰克尔说得好：
每个人都有特殊的职责或使命，他人无法越俎代庖。生命只有一次，所以实现人
生目标的机会也仅止于一次……追根究底，其实不是你询问生命的意义何在，而是
生命正提出质疑，要求你回答存在的意义为何。换言之，人必须对自己的生命负
责。
Personal responsibility, or proactivity, is fundamental to the first
creation. Returning to the computer metaphor, Habit 1 says "You are
the programmer." Habit 2, then, says, "Write the program." Until you
accept the idea that you are responsible, that you are the programmer,
you won't really invest in writing the program.
As proactive people , we can begin to give expression to what we want
to be and to do in our lives. We can write a personal mission
statement, a personal constitution.
再以计算机作比喻。前一章曾提到，你是自己的人生程序设计员。本章则要求你
写出属于个人的程序，也就是个人使命宣言。
A mission statement is not something you write overnight. It takes
deep introspection, careful analysis, thoughtful expression, and often
many rewrites to produce it in final form. It may take you several
weeks or even months before you feel really comfortable with it,
before you feel it is a complete and concise expression of your
innermost values and directions. Even then, you will want to review
it regularly and make minor changes as the years bring additional
insights or changing circumstances.
这件工作并非一蹴而就，而是必须经过深思熟虑，几经删改，才可以定案。其间
可能耗费数周，甚至数月的时间，而且即使定案，仍须不时修正。因为随着物换
星移，人的想法也会改变。
But fundamentally, your mission statement becomes your constitution,
the solid expression of your vision and values. It becomes the
criterion by which you measure everything else in your life.
I recently finished reviewing my own mission statement, which I do
fairly regularly. Sitting on the edge of a beach, alone, at the end
of a bicycle ride, I took out my organizer and hammered it out. It
took several hours, but I felt a sense of clarity, a sense of
organization and commitment, a sense of exhilaration and freedom.
I find the process is as important as the product. Writing or
reviewing a mission statement changes you because it forces you to
think through your priorities deeply, carefully, and to align your
behavior with your beliefs. As you do, other people begin to sense
that you're not being driven by everything that happens to you. You
have a sense of mission about what you're trying to do and you are
excited about it.
无论如何，使命宣言是个人的根本大法、基本人生观，也是衡量一切利弊得失的
基准。撰写使命宣言的过程，重要性不亚于最后的结论。为了形诸文字，你势必
要彻底检讨自己真正的理想——最珍贵的人生目标。随着思想日益清明、貌随心
转，你会有面目一新的感觉。
** Using Your Whole Brain 善用你的全部头脑
Our self-awareness empowers us to examine our own thoughts. This is
particularly helpful in creating a personal mission statement because
the two unique human endowments that enable us to practice Habit 2 --
imagination and conscience -- are primarily functions of the right
side of the brain. Understanding how to tap into that right brain
capacity greatly increases our first-creation ability.
A great deal of research has been conducted for decades on what has
come to be called brain dominance theory. The findings basically
indicated that each hemisphere of the brain -- left and right -- tends
to specialize in and preside over different functions, process
different kinds of information, and deal with different kinds of
problems.
Essentially, the left hemisphere is the more logical/ verbal one and
the right hemisphere the more intuitive, creative one. The left deals
with words, the right with pictures; the left with parts and
specifics, the right with wholes and the relationship between the
parts. The left deals with analysis, which means to break apart; the
right with synthesis, which means to put together. The left deals
with sequential thinking; the right with simultaneous and holistic
thinking. The left is time bound; the right is time free.
根据研究结果显示，人的大脑可分为左右两部分，左脑主司逻辑思考与语言能
力，右脑职掌创造力与直觉。左脑处理文字，右脑擅长图像；左脑重局部与分
析，右脑重整体与整合。
Although people use both sides of the brain, one side or the other
generally tends to be dominant in each individual. Of course, the
ideal would be to cultivate and develop the ability to have good
crossover between both sides of the brain so that a person could first
sense what the situation called for and then use the appropriate tool
to deal with it. But people tend to stay in the "comfort zone" of
their dominant hemisphere and process every situation according to
either a right- or left-brain preference.
In the words of Abraham Maslow, "He that is good with a hammer tends
to think everything is a nail." This is another factor that affects
the "young lady/ old lady" perception difference. Right-brain and
left-brain people tend to look at things in different ways.
最理想的状况是左右脑的均衡发展，但实际上，每个人或多或少都是某半边大脑
较发达。面对外界刺激时，也倾向于用较发达的一边做反应。用美国心理学家马
斯洛(Abraham Maslow)的话说：“善用hammer的人往往认为所有东西都是钉子。”
这也是影响前面实验中的少妇/老妇不同看法的另一因素。用右脑的和用左脑的人
看事物往往是不同的。
We live in a primarily left-brain-dominant world, where words and
measurement and logic are enthroned, and the more creative, intuitive,
sensing, artistic aspect of our nature is often subordinated. Many of
us find it more difficult to tap into our right-brain capacity.
基本上，目前是个崇尚左脑的世界，语言文字、逻辑推理等被奉为重要的才能，
而感官直觉、艺术创造总是居于从属地位，无怪乎一般人多不习惯于发挥右脑的
功能。
Admittedly this description is oversimplified and new studies will
undoubtedly throw more light on brain functioning. But the point here
is that we are capable of performing many different kinds of thought
processes and we barely tap our potential. As we become aware of its
different capacities, we can consciously use our minds to meet
specific needs in more effective ways.
** Two Ways to Tap the Right Brain 善用你的全部头脑
If we use the brain dominance theory as a model, it becomes evident
that the quality of our first creation is significantly impacted by
our ability to use our creative right brain. The more we are able to
draw upon our right-brain capacity, the more fully we will be able to
visualize, to synthesize, to transcend time and present circumstances,
to project a holistic picture of what we want to do and to be in life.
依据这个理论，前文所提到的构思与实行两阶段，前者须借重右脑的创造力，以
跨越时空障碍，做全盘考虑与规划。
** Expand Perspective
Sometimes we are knocked out of our left-brain environment and thought
patterns and into the right brain by an unplanned experience. The
death of a loved one, a severe illness, a financial setback, or
extreme adversity can cause us to stand back, look at our lives, and
ask ourselves some hard questions:
"What's really important? Why am I doing what I'm doing?
But if you're proactive, you don't have to wait for circumstances or
other people to create perspective-expanding experiences. You can
consciously create your own.
有时，人会因突发事件，在一瞬间由左脑为主的思想型态，变成以右脑为主。比
方说，突然失去亲人、罹患重病、经济陷入窘境时，就会扪心自问：“到底什么才
真正重要?我究竟在追求什么?”但积极主动的人，不待外界刺激就能设法主动转变
思考模式。
There are a number of ways to do this. Through the powers of your
imagination, you can visualize your own funeral, as we did at the
beginning of this chapter. Write your own eulogy. Actually write it
out. Be specific.
You can visualize your twenty-fifth and then your fiftieth wedding
anniversary. Have your spouse visualize this with you. Try to
capture the essence of the family relationship you want to have
created through your day-by-day investment over a period of that many
years.
本章一开始，想象参加自己的丧礼，就是一种扭转思维模式的方法。现在请试着
写下理想的一生，愈详细愈好。你不妨和配偶在脑海里描绘结婚20周年以及50周
年的情景，两人共同计划未来，讨论理想的婚姻关系什么样。你也可设想退休后
的情形，希望有怎样的成就与贡献，退休后又有什么计划。
You can visualize your retirement from your present occupation. What
contributions, what achievements will you want to have made in your
field? What plans will you have after retirement? Will you enter a
second career?
Expand your mind. Visualize in rich detail. Involve as many emotions
and feelings as possible. Involve as many of the senses as you can.
尽量敞开心灵去想，掌握每个细节，并且投入所有的情感与感觉。
I have done similar visualization exercises with some of my university
classes. "Assume you only have this one semester to live," I tell my
students, "and that during this semester you are to stay in school as
a good student. Visualize how you would spend your semester.
Things are suddenly placed in a different perspective. Values quickly
surface that before weren't even recognized.
I have also asked students to live with that expanded perspective for
a week and keep a diary of their experiences.
我曾经在大学课堂上做过类似实验，要求学生假设自己只剩一学期的生命，该如
何好好把握这最后的学习机会。经过一番省思，学生有不少新发现。于是我要求
他们以1周的时间，从这个角度来检讨自己，并逐日记下心得。
The results are very revealing. They start writing to parents to tell
them how much they love and appreciate them. They reconcile with a
brother, a sister, a friend where the relationship has deteriorated.
The #dominant, central theme of their activities, the underlying
principle, is love. The futility of bad-mouthing, bad thinking,
put-downs, and accusation becomes very evident when they think in
terms of having only a short time to live. Principles and values
become more evident to everybody.
结果，有人开始给父母写信，表达对父母的爱；有人则与感情不睦的手足和好，
所有这一切都发人深省。
There are a number of techniques using your imagination that can put
you in touch with your values. But the net effect of every one I have
ever used is the same. When people seriously undertake to identify
what really matters most to them in their lives, what they really want
to be and to do, they become very reverent. They start to think in
larger terms than today and tomorrow.
运用想象力来挖掘内心深处真正的感觉，是人人都会技巧，只是每个人的体会不
同。凡是肯用心去追根究底的人，必然对生命充满虔敬，对人生诸事都能从大处、
远处着眼。
** Visualization and Affirmation 心灵演练：想象与确认
Personal leadership is not a singular experience. It doesn't begin
and end with the writing of a personal mission statement. It is,
rather, the ongoing process of keeping your vision and values before
you and aligning your life to be congruent with those most important
things. And in that effort, your powerful right-brain capacity can be
a great help to you on a daily basis as you work to integrate your
personal mission statement into your life. It's another application
of "Begin with the End in Mind."
在驾驭想象力的同时，我们应进行心灵演练(visualization)以获得确认
(affirmation)，使实际生活更符合理想的人生目标。
Let's go back to an example we mentioned before. Suppose I am a
parent who really deeply loves my children. Suppose I identify that
as one of my fundamental values in my personal mission statement. But
suppose, on a daily basis, I have trouble overreacting.
I can use my right-brain power of visualization to write an
"affirmation" that will help me become more congruent with my deeper
values in my daily life.
A good affirmation has five basic ingredients: it's personal, it's
positive, it's present tense, it's visual, and it's emotional. So I
might write something like this: "It is deeply satisfying (emotional)
that I (personal) respond (present tense) with wisdom, love, firmness,
and self-control (positive) when my children misbehave."
心灵演练包括：针对个人、积极、立即行动、富有感情等要素，还必须是可预见
的。例如：“发现子女行为不当时，我能以智慧、爱心、坚定的立场与自制力(积
极的表现)加以应对(即立即行动)，我(个人)内心深感欣慰(富有感情)。”
Then I can visualize it. I can spend a few minutes each day and
totally relax my mind and body. can think about situations in which
my children might misbehave. I can visualize them in rich detail. I
can feel the texture of the chair I might be sitting on, the floor
under my feet, the sweater I'm wearing. I can see the dress my
daughter has on, the expression on her face. The more clearly and
vividly I can imagine the detail, the more deeply I will experience
it, the less I will see it as a spectator.
Then I can see her do something very specific which normally makes my
heart pound and my temper start to flare. But instead of seeing my
normal response, I can see myself handle the situation with all the
love, the power, the self-control I have captured in my affirmation.
I can write the program, write the script, in harmony with my values,
with my personal mission statement.
And if I do this, day after day my behavior will change. Instead of
living out of the scripts given to me by my own parents or by society
or by genetics or my environment, I will be living out of the script I
have written from my own self-selected value system.
你不妨每天抽出几分钟，在身心完全放松的情况下，模拟各种可能出现的状况以
及适当的反应，脑海中的影像愈清晰愈好。你的行为在潜移默化中会逐渐转变，
最后终于能完全控制情绪，冷静应变。
I have helped and encouraged my son, Sean, to use this affirmation
process extensively throughout his football career. We started when
he played quarterback in high school, and eventually, I taught him how
to do it on his own.
We would try to get him in a very relaxed state of mind through deep
breathing and progressive muscle relaxation technique so that he
became very quiet inside. Then I would help him visualize himself
right in the heat of the toughest situations imaginable.
He would imagine a big blitz coming at him fast. He had to read the
blitz and respond. He would imagine giving audibles at the line after
reading defenses. He would imagine quick reads with his first
receiver, his second receiver, his third receiver. He would imagine
options that he normally wouldn't do.
这个方法我曾应用在我儿子西恩身上。他在高中时是美式足球队的四分卫，当时
我开始教他如何放松自己，运用想象力来加强临场应战能力。
At one point in his football career, he told me he was constantly
getting uptight. As we talked, I realized that he was visualizing
uptightness. So we worked on visualizing relaxation in the middle of
the big pressure circumstance. We discovered that the nature of the
visualization is very important. If you visualize the wrong thing,
you'll produce the wrong thing.
有一次，他抱怨常常会莫名其妙地紧张。细谈之下，我发现他脑海中浮现的总是
千钧一发的时刻，无怪乎精神紧张。于是我教他利用心灵演练，在压力最大时，
保持心平气和。
Dr. Charles Garfield has done extensive research on peak performers,
both in athletics and in business. He became fascinated with peak
performance in his work with the NASA program, watching the astronauts
rehearse everything on earth again and again in a simulated
environment before they went to space. Although he had a doctorate in
mathematics, he decided to go back and get another Ph.D. in the field
of psychology and study the characteristics of peak performers.
One of the main things his research showed was that almost all of the
world-class athletes and other peak performers are visualizers. They
see it; they feel it; they experience it before they actually do it.
They Begin with the End in Mind.
You can do it in every area of your life. Before a performance, a
sales presentation, a difficult confrontation, or the daily challenge
of meeting a goal, see it clearly, vividly, relentlessly, over and
over again. Create an internal "comfort zone." Then, when you get
into the situation, it isn't foreign. It doesn't scare you.
加菲尔德(Charls Garfield)博士曾对竞技运动和企业方面的佼佼者有过广泛研
究，他的一个重要发现是，世上有许多顶尖人物——包括一流运动员，都长于这种
心理准备功夫。所以，在参与重要谈判、上台表演或面对困难冲突以前，不妨参
照以上范例多加演练。直到胸有成竹，产生兵来将挡、水来土掩的勇气。
Your creative, visual right brain is one of your most important
assets, both in creating your personal mission statement and in
integrating it into your life.
There is an entire body of literature and audio and video tapes that
deals with this process of visualization and affirmation. Some of the
more recent developments in this field include such things as
subliminal programming, neurolinguistic programming, and new forms of
relaxation and self-talk processes. These all involve explanation,
elaboration, and different packaging of the fundamental principles of
the first creation.
My review of the success literature brought me in contact with
hundreds of books on this subject. Although some made extravagant
claims and relied on anecdotal rather than scientific evidence, I
think that most of the material is fundamentally sound. The majority
of it appears to have originally come out of the study of the Bible by
many individuals.
In effective personal leadership, visualization and affirmation
techniques emerge naturally out of a foundation of well thought
through purposes and principles that become the center of a person's
life. They are extremely powerful in rescripting and reprogramming,
into writing deeply committed-to purposes and principles into one's
heart and mind. I believe that central to all enduring religions in
society are the same principles and practices clothed in different
language --meditation, prayer, covenants, ordinances, scripture study,
empathy, compassion, and many different forms of the use of both
conscience and imagination.
许多古老的宗教也采用同样的方式，只是名称略有出入，如静坐、祈祷、各种祭
典、献礼等等，都诉诸良知与想象力。
But if these techniques become part of the personality ethic and are
severed from a base of character and principles, they can be misused
and abused in serving other centers, primarily the self center.
Affirmation and visualization are forms of programming, and we must be
certain that we do not submit ourselves to any programming that is not
in harmony with our basic center or that comes from sources centered
on money-making, self interest, or anything other than correct
principles.
The imagination can be used to achieve the fleeting success that comes
when a person is focused on material gain or on "what's in it for me."
But I believe the higher use of imagination is in harmony with the use
of conscience to transcend self and create a life of contribution
based on unique purpose and on the principles that govern
interdependent reality.
心灵演练的威力无穷，但必须以品德及原则为基础，否则就会误用滥用。若是用
于追逐功利，心灵演练虽然可以助人达到目的，却无法带来内心的安宁。
** Identifying Roles and Goals 确定角色和目标
Of course, the logical/ verbal left brain becomes important also as
you attempt to capture your right-brain images, feelings, and pictures
in the words of a written mission statement. Just as breathing
exercises help integrate body and mind, writing is a kind of
psycho-neural muscular activity which helps bridge and integrate the
conscious and subconscious minds. Writing distills, crystallizes, and
clarifies thought and helps break the whole into parts.
We each have a number of different roles in our lives -- different
areas or capacities in which we have responsibility. I may, for
example, have a role as an individual, a husband, a father, a teacher,
a church member, and a businessman. And each of these roles is
important.
One of the major problems that arises when people work to become more
effective in life is that they don't think broadly enough. They lose
the sense of proportion, the balance, the natural ecology necessary to
effective living. They may get consumed by work and neglect personal
health. In the name of professional success, they may neglect the
most precious relationships in their lives.
人生在世，扮演着各式各样的角色：为人父母、妻子、丈夫、主管、职员、亲
友，同时也担负不同的责任。因此，在追求圆满人生的过程中，如何兼顾全局，
就成了最大的考验。顾此失彼，在所难免；因小失大，更是司空见惯。
You may find that your mission statement will be much more balanced,
much easier to work with, if you break it down into the specific role
areas of your life and the goals you want to accomplish in each area.
Look at your professional role. You might be a salesperson, or a
manager, or a product developer. What are you about in that area?
What are the values that should guide you? Think of your personal
roles -- husband, wife, father, mother, neighbor, friend. What are
you about in those roles? What's important to you? Think of community
roles --the political area, public service, volunteer organizations.
考虑到这一点，在撰写使命宣言时，不妨分开不同的角色领域，一一订立目标。
在事业上，你可能扮演业务员、管理人员、产品开发人员的角色。在生活中，你
或许是妻子、母亲、丈夫、邻居、朋友。其余政治、信仰方面的种种角色，也都
各有不同的期待与价值标准。
One executive has used the idea of roles and goals to create the
following mission statement:
以下是一位企业主管的人生目标：
My mission is to live with integrity and to make a difference in the
lives of others.
我的使命是正正当当地生活，并且对社会有所贡献。
To fulfill this mission:
为达成这一使命：
I have charity: I seek out and love the one -- each one -- regardless
of his situation.
我有慈悲心——拥抱人群，不分贵贱，热爱每一个人。
I sacrifice: I devote my time, talents, and resources to my mission.
我愿牺牲——为人生使命奉献时间、精力、金钱及才华。
I inspire: I teach by example that we are all children of a loving
Heavenly Father and that every Goliath can be overcome.
I am impactful: What I do makes a difference in the lives of others.
我以身作则——以身教教导人为万物之灵长，可以克服一切困难。
These roles take priority in achieving my mission:
我有影响力——所作所为会使他人的生活改善。
Husband -- my partner is the most important person in my life.
Together we contribute the fruits of harmony, industry, charity, and
thrift.
丈夫——老伴是我这一生中最重要的人，我们同甘共苦，携手前行。
Father -- I help my children experience progressively greater joy in
their lives.
父亲——我要帮助子女体验乐趣无穷的人生。
Son/ Brother -- I am frequently "there" for support and love.
儿子/兄弟——我不忘父母、手足的亲情，随时对他们出手相援。
Christian -- God can count on me to keep my covenants and to serve his
other children.
基督徒——我信守对上帝的誓言，并为他的子民服务。
Neighbor -- The love of Christ is visible through my actions toward
others.
邻居——我要发挥基督之爱来对待他人。
Change Agent -- I am a catalyst for developing high performance in
large organizations.
鼓舞人心者——我是激发群体优异表现的媒介。
Scholar -- I learn important new things every day.
学者——我每日求取新知。
Writing your mission in terms of the important roles in your life
gives you balance and harmony. It keeps each role clearly before you.
You can review your roles frequently to make sure that you don't get
totally absorbed by one role to the exclusion of others that are
equally or even more important in your life.
After you identify your various roles, then you can think about the
Long Term Goals are plans you make that support the principles
described in your Mission Statement. These goals should represent
areas you want to focus on in the near future. Typically, Long Term
Goals take longer than a week to complete, but are most specific than
the lifetime goals of your Mission Statement.long-term goals you want
to accomplish in each of those roles. We're into the right brain
again, using imagination, creativity, conscience, and inspiration. If
these goals are the extension of a mission statement based on correct
principles, they will be vitally different from the goals people
normally set. They will be in harmony with correct principles, with
natural laws, which gives you greater power to achieve them. They are
not someone else's goals you have absorbed. They are your goals.
They reflect your deepest values, your unique talent, your sense of
mission. And they grow out of your chosen roles in life.
An effective goal focuses primarily on results rather than activity.
It identifies where you want to be, and, in the process, helps you
determine where you are. It gives you important information on how to
get there, and it tells you when you have arrived. It unifies your
efforts and energy. It gives meaning and purpose to all you do. And
it can finally translate itself into daily activities so that you are
proactive, you are in charge of your life, you are making happen each
day the things that will enable you to fulfill your personal mission
statement.
一旦确定主要的人生角色，你就能清楚地掌握全局。接着，还要订定每个角色的
长期目标，这些目标必须反映你真正的价值观、独特的才干与使命感。
Roles and goals give structure and organized direction to your
personal mission. If you don't yet have a personal mission statement,
it's a good place to begin. Just identifying the various areas of
your life and the two or three important results you feel you should
accomplish in each area to move ahead gives you an overall perspective
of your life and a sense of direction.
As we move into Habit 3, we'll go into greater depth in the area of
short-term goals. The important application at this point is to
identify roles and long-term goals as they relate to your personal
mission statement. These roles and long-term goals will provide the
foundation for effective goal setting and achieving when we get to the
Habit 3 day-to-day management of life and time.
角色与目标能赋予人生完整的架构与方向，假定你还缺少这么一份个人使命宣
言，现在正是开始撰写的最佳时机。至于近期的目标，将于下一章再讨论。
** Family Mission Statements 家庭使命宣言
Because Habit 2 is based on principle, it has broad application. In
addition to individuals, families, service groups, and organizations
of all kinds become significantly more effective as they Begin with
the End in Mind.
Many families are managed on the basis of crises, moods, quick fixes,
and instant gratification -- not on sound principles. Symptoms
surface whenever stress and pressure mount: people become cynical,
critical, or silent or they start yelling and overreacting. Children
who observe these kinds of behavior grow up thinking the only way to
solve problems is flight or fight.
除了个人以外，家庭也可凭借共同的目标来促进和谐。有不少家庭处理人际关系
没有原则，全凭一时兴起及个人好恶，缺乏长久之计。因此，每当压力升高，家
人便乱了方寸，出现冷言相向、冷嘲热讽或沉默抗议等不良反应。在这种环境下
长大的孩子，必然以为解决问题的方法只有冲突或逃避。
The core of any family is what is changeless, what is always going to
be there -- shared vision and values. By writing a family mission
statement, you give expression to its true foundation.
This mission statement becomes its constitution, the standard, the
 #criterion for evaluation and decision making. It gives continuity and
unity to the family as well as direction. When individual values are
harmonized with those of the family, members work together for common
purposes that are deeply felt.
其实，每个家庭都有共同的价值观及理念，作为生活的重心，撰写家庭使命宣言
正可加以凸显这个生活重心。家庭使命宣言有如宪法，可当作衡量一切利弊得失
的标准，以及重大决定的依据，并使全家人团结在共同的目标下。
Again, the process is as important as the product. The very process
of writing and refining a mission statement becomes a key way to
improve the family. Working together to create a mission statement
builds the PC capacity to live it.
By getting input from every family member, drafting a statement,
getting feedback, revising it, and using wording from different family
members, you get the family talking, communicating, on things that
really matter deeply. The best mission statements are the result of
family members coming together in a spirit of mutual respect,
expressing their different views, and working together to create
something greater than any one individual could do alone. Periodic
review to expand perspective, shift emphasis or direction, amend or
give new meaning to time-worn phrases can keep the family united in
common values and purposes.
The mission statement becomes the framework for thinking, for
governing the family. When the problems and crises come, the
constitution is there to remind family members of the things that
matter most and to provide direction for problem solving and decision
making based on correct principles.
撰写家庭使命宣言，同样也是过程与成果并重。由全家共同讨论、拟订及定时修
正，更能促进沟通，强化向心力与坚定付诸实现的决心。面临危机或困难时，家
庭使命宣言可帮助一家人认清方向，共渡难关。
In our home, we put our mission statement up on a wall in the family
room so that we can look at it and monitor ourselves daily. When we
read the phrases about the sounds of love in our home, order,
responsible independence, cooperation, helpfulness, meeting needs,
developing talents, showing interest in each other's talents, and
giving service to others it gives us some criteria to know how we're
doing in the things that matter most to us as a family.
When we plan our family goals and activities, we say, "In light of
these principles, what are the goals we're going to work on? What are
our action plans to accomplish our goals and actualize these values?"
We review the statement frequently and rework goals and jobs twice a
year, in September and June --the beginning of school and the end of
school --to reflect the situation as it is, to improve it, to
strengthen it. It renews us, it recommits us to what we believe in,
what we stand for.
我家墙上便贴有这么一份使命宣言，记载着全家共同定下的原则，包括互助合作、
维持整洁、用言语表达感情、培养专长与欣赏家人的才华等等。每年6月与9月，
即学年结束与开始之际，我们都会修订，使之更符合实际状况。
** Organizational Mission Statements 组织使命宣言
Mission statements are also vital to successful organizations. One of
the most important thrusts of my work with organizations is to assist
them in developing effective mission statements. And to be effective,
that statement has to come from within the bowels of the organization.
Everyone should participate in a meaningful way --not just the top
strategy planners, but everyone. Once again, the involvement process
is as important as the written product and is the key to its use.
身为企业顾问，主要任务之一，就是协助企业订立可行的长期目标。这类目标必
须由所有成员共同拟定，不可取决于少数高高在上的决策者。
I am always intrigued whenever I go to IBM and watch the training
process there. Time and time again, I see the leadership of the
organization come into a group and say that IBM stands for three
things: the dignity of the individual, excellence, and service.
每次到国际商用机器公司(IBM)参观员工训练，我都感触良多。IBM主管总不忘向
员工耳提面命该公司的三大原则：个人尊严、卓越与服务。
These things represent the belief system of IBM. Everything else will
change, but these three things will not change. Almost like osmosis,
this belief system has spread throughout the entire organization,
providing a tremendous base of shared values and personal security for
everyone who works there.
不论世事如何变化，IBM始终信守这三大原则。而且从上到下，人人奉行不渝，就
彷佛水的渗透，无所不在。
Once I was training a group of people for IBM in New York. It was
small group, about 20 people, and one of them became ill. He called
his wife in California, who expressed concern because his illness
required a special treatment. The IBM people responsible for the
training session arranged to have him taken to an excellent hospital
with medical specialists in the disease. But they could sense that
his wife was uncertain and really wanted him home where their personal
physician could handle the problem.
So they decided to get him home. Concerned about the time involved in
driving him to the airport and waiting for a commercial plane, they
brought in a helicopter, flew him to the airport, and hired a special
plane just to take this man to California.
记得有一次在纽约训练一批IBM员工，班上人数不多，约20人左右。不幸有位来自
加州的学员生病，需要特殊治疗。主办训练的IBM人员，原想安排他们就近住院治
疗，但为体谅他妻子的心情，便决定送他回家由家庭医生诊治。为了争取时间，
无法等待普通班机，公司居然租直升机送他到机场。还包专机，千里迢迢送回加
州。
I don't know what costs that involved; my guess would be many
thousands of dollars. But IBM believes in the dignity of the
individual. That's what the company stands for. To those present,
that experience represented its belief system and was no surprise. I
was impressed.
虽然确实的金额不详，但我相信这笔开销不下数千美元。为了秉持个人尊严的原
则，IBM宁愿付出这些代价。这对在场的每个人都是最好的教育机会，我也留下了
深刻的印象。
At another time, I was scheduled to train 175 shopping center managers
at a particular hotel. I was amazed at the level of service there.
It wasn't a cosmetic thing. It was evident at all levels,
spontaneously, without supervision.
另一家连锁旅馆的服务态度，同样令我难以忘怀。那决不是表面功夫，而是全体
员工自动自发的表现。
I arrived quite late, checked in, and asked if room service were
available. The man at the desk said, "No, Mr. Covey, but if you're
interested, I could go back and get a sandwich or a salad or whatever
you'd like that we have in the kitchen." His attitude was one of total
concern about my comfort and welfare. "Would you like to see your
convention room?" he continued. "Do you have everything you need?
What can I do for you? I'm here to serve you."
There was no supervisor there checking up. This man was sincere.
当时我因为主持一项研讨会而住进这家旅馆，由于到得太迟，已无餐点可用。前
台人员却主动表示，可以到厨房跑一趟，还殷勤询问：“您要不要先看看会议厅?
有没有需要我效劳的地方?您还需要其他东西吗?”当时并没有主管在旁边监督。
The next day I was in the middle of a presentation when I discovered
that I didn't have all the colored markers I needed. So I went out
into the hall during the brief break and found a bellboy running to
another convention. "I've got a problem," I said. "I'm here training
a group of managers and I only have a short break. I need some more
colored pens.
第二天研讨会开始，我发现所带的色笔不够，便趁空抓住一名服务员，说明困难。
He whipped around and almost came to attention. He glanced at my name
tag and said, "Mr. Covey, I will solve your problem."
他瞥了我的名片一眼，然后说：“科威先生，我会解决这个问题的。”
He didn't say, "I don't know where to go" or "well, go and check the
front desk." He just took care of it. And he made me feel like it was
his privilege to do so.
他并没有推脱：“叫我到哪儿去找。”或者：“请你问前台。”他一口承担下来，而
且表现出为服务深感荣幸的样子。
Later, I was in the side lobby, looking at some of the art objects.
Someone from the hotel came up to me and said, "Mr. Covey, would you
like to see a book that describes the art objects in this hotel?" How
anticipatory! How service-oriented!
I next observed one of the employees high up on a ladder cleaning
windows in the lobby. From his vantage point he saw a woman having a
little difficulty in the garden with a walker. She hadn't really
fallen, and she was with other people. But he climbed down that
ladder, went outside, helped the woman into the lobby and saw that she
was properly taken care of. Then he went back and finished cleaning
the windows.
I wanted to find out how this organization had created a culture where
people bought so deeply into the value of customer service. I
interviewed housekeepers, waitresses, bellboys in that hotel and found
that this attitude had impregnated the minds, hearts, and attitudes of
every employee there.
I went through the back door into the kitchen, where I saw the central
value: "Uncompromising personalized service." I finally went to the
manager and said, "My business is helping organizations develop a
powerful team character, a team culture. I am amazed at what you have
here."
事后我又观察到不少员工热心服务的实例，这引起了我的好奇心。为什么这个机
构能够彻底奉行顾客至上的原则?我访问了各阶层的员工，发现个个士气高昂，态
度积极。于是我请教经理秘诀何在。
"Do you want to know the real key?" he inquired. He pulled out the
mission statement for the hotel chain.
他取出整个连锁网的共同使命宣言给我看。
After reading it, I acknowledged, "That's an impressive statement.
But I know many companies that have impressive mission statements."
"Do you want to see the one for this hotel?" he asked.
"Do you mean you developed one just for this hotel?"
"Yes."
"Different from the one for the hotel chain?"
"Yes. It's in harmony with that statement, but this one pertains to
our situation, our environment, our time." He handed me another paper.
我看过以后说：“这的确不同凡响，但很多公司都订有崇高的目标，却不见得能够
实践。”这位经理接着又取出专属于这家旅馆的经营目标，是另一份组织宣
言：“这是根据总公司的大原则，并针对我们的特殊需要而拟定的。”
"Who developed this mission statement?" I asked.
"Everybody," he replied.
"Everybody? Really, everybody?"
"Yes."
"Housekeepers?"
"Yes."
"Waitresses?"
"Yes."
"Desk clerks?"
“是谁订立的呢?”
“全体员工。”
“清洁工、女侍、文书职员都包括在内?”
“是的。”
"Yes. Do you want to see the mission statement written by the people
who greeted you last night?" He pulled out a mission statement that
they, themselves, had written that was interwoven with all the other
mission statements. Everyone, at every level, was involved.
The mission statement for that hotel was the hub of a great wheel. It
spawned the thoughtful, more specialized mission statements of
particular groups of employees. It was used as the criterion for
every decision that was made. It clarified what those people stood
for --how they related to the customer, how they related to each
other. It affected the style of the managers and the leaders. It
affected the compensation system. It affected the kind of people they
recruited and how they trained and developed them. Every aspect of
that organization, essentially, was a function of that hub, that
mission statement.
这两份宣言代表整个旅馆的中心思想，无怪乎营运成绩斐然。它既有助于员工与
顾客、员工与员工之间的关系，也左右了主管的领导方式，甚至影响到人员的招
募、训练与薪资福利。
I later visited another hotel in the same chain, and the first thing I
did when I checked in was to ask to see their mission statement, which
they promptly gave me. At this hotel, I came to understand the motto
"Uncompromising personalized service" a little more.
For a three-day period, I watched every conceivable situation where
service was called for. always found that service was delivered in a
very impressive, excellent way. But it was always also very
personalized. For instance, in the swimming area I asked the
attendant where the drinking fountain was. He walked me to it.
But the thing that impressed me the very most was to see an employee,
on his own, admit a mistake to his boss. We ordered room service, and
were told when it would be delivered to the room. On the way to our
room, the room service person spilled the hot chocolate, and it took a
few extra minutes to go back and change the linen on the tray and
replace the drink. So the room service was about fifteen minutes
late, which was really not that important to us.
Nevertheless, the next morning the room service manager phoned us to
apologize and invited us to have either the buffet breakfast or a room
service breakfast, compliments of the hotel, to in some way compensate
for the inconvenience.
What does it say about the culture of an organization when an employee
admits his own mistake, unknown to anyone else, to the manager so that
customer or guest is better taken care of!
后来，我住过同一连锁网的另一家旅馆，那里的服务水准也毫不逊色。当我问服
务员饮水机在哪里时，他亲自领我到饮水机前。
更令人印象深刻的是，那里的职员居然向主管主动承认错误。当我住进旅馆的第
二天，客房部经理打电话来为服务不周表示道歉，并招待我们用早餐。只为了一
位服务员送饮料到我们的房间时，迟了15分钟，虽然我并不在乎。这名服务员若
不主动报告，没有人会知道。但是他承认错误，使顾客获得更好的服务。
As I told the manager of the first hotel I visited, I know a lot of
companies with impressive mission statements. But there is a real
difference, all the difference in the world, in the effectiveness of a
mission statement created by everyone involved in the organization and
one written by a few top executives behind a mahogany wall.
One of the fundamental problems in organizations, including families,
is that people are not committed to the determinations of other people
for their lives. They simply don't buy into them.
Many times as I work with organizations, I find people whose goals are
totally different from the goals of the enterprise. I commonly find
reward systems completely out of alignment with stated value systems.
When I begin work with companies that have already developed some kind
of mission statement, I ask them, "How many of the people here know
that you have a mission statement? How many of you know what it
contains? How many were involved in creating it? How many really buy
into it and use it as your frame of reference in making decisions?"
Without involvement, there is no commitment. Mark it down, asterisk
it, circle it, underline it.
** No involvement, no commitment. 惟有参与，才有认同
Now, in the early stages -- when a person is new to an organization or
when a child in the family is young --you can pretty well give them a
goal and they'll buy it, particularly if the relationship,
orientation, and training are good.
But when people become more mature and their own lives take on a
separate meaning, they want involvement, significant involvement. And
if they don't have that involvement, they don't buy it. Then you have
a significant motivational problem which cannot be solved at the same
level of thinking that created it.
小孩子或新进人员很容易接受父母与企业加诸其上的观念，但长大成人或熟悉环
境后，就会产生独立意志，要求参与。假使没有全体成员参与，实在难以激发向
心力与热忱。这便是为什么我要一再强调，组织应开诚布公，不厌其烦地广征意
见，订立全体共有的使命宣言。
That's why creating an organizational mission statement takes time,
patience, involvement, skill, and empathy. Again, it's not a quick
fix. It takes time and sincerity, correct principles, and the courage
and integrity to align systems, structure, and management style to the
shared vision and values. But it's based on correct principles and it
works.
An organizational mission statement -- one that truly reflects the
deep shared vision and values of everyone within that organization --
creates a great unity and tremendous commitment. It creates in
people's hearts and minds a frame of reference, a set of criteria or
guidelines, by which they will govern themselves. They don't need
someone else directing, controlling, criticizing, or taking cheap
shots. They have bought into the changeless core of what the
organization is about.
许多组织——包括家庭，都有一个最根本的问题，就是成员并不认同集体的大目
标，反而常有个人目标与企业目标背道而驰的情形。另一方面，不少企业的薪津
制度与其标榜的理想不相符合。
所以在检讨企业的使命宣言时，我一定调查有多少人参与制定，又有多少人知道
它的存在，并且真正认同与奉行。惟有参与，才有认同，这个原则值得强调再强
调。
** Application Suggestions 立即行动
1. Take the time to record the impressions you had in the funeral
visualization at the beginning of this chapter. You may want to use
the chart below to organize your thoughts.
一、记下你做本章开头那个心灵实验时的想法，将心得列表整理。
2. Take a few moments and write down your roles as you now see them.
Are you satisfied with that mirror image of your life.
二、确立重要的人生角色，并检讨你对目前所扮演的角色是否满意。
3. Set up time to completely separate yourself from daily activities
and to begin work on your personal mission statement.
三、每天抽空撰写个人使命宣言，并搜集可用的资料。
4. Go through the chart in Appendix A showing different centers and
circle all those you can identify with. Do they form a pattern for
the behavior in your life? Are you comfortable with the implications
of your analysis.
四、阅读附录一，你的行为符合其中哪种类型?你是否满意?
5. Start a collection of notes, quotes, and ideas you may want to use
as resource material in writing your .personal mission statement.
五、设想近期内会面临的某种状况，并写下你希望获得的结果与应该采取的步骤。
6. Identify a project you will be facing in the near future and apply
the principles of mental creation. Write down the results you desire
and what steps will lead to those results.
7. Share the principles of Habit 2 with your family or work group and
suggest that together you begin the process of developing a family or
group mission statement.
六、与家人或同事分享本章的精华，并建议大家一同拟定家庭或企业的共同目标。